Need to have a tough talk with your kid? Doctor suggests to have it in your car.
A great piece of advice for those "awkward but important" talks every parent must have.
Dr. Meghan Martin explains why tough conversations are best kept for the car.
As much as modern parents prioritize open, honest communication with their kids, there are still some talks that will always feel challenging to have.
But according to Dr. Meghan Martin, a pediatric emergency room physician and mom of four with a hefty social media following, making those awkward conversations just a little smoother all comes down to location, location, location.
“Those awkward, but really important conversations that you need to have with your kids The birds and the bees, protection, drugs, all of that stuff: have those conversations in the car,” “ she says in a clip posted to her TikTok.
Martin declared that this “brilliant” insight given to her by best friend, handle @teawiththeteach, is the “best piece of parenting advice” she’s ever received.
Here’s why.
“You have your hands on the wheel, you are looking straight ahead, you do not have to be making eye contact with anyone talking about the birds and the bees and the parts and the drugs or whatever that conversation is about that day. You also have a captive audience that is literally seat belted in behind you,” she explained.
Not having to maintain intense eye contact makes the entire conversation less embarrassing and vulnerable for everyone involved. And where there’s less embarrassment, there’s more room for things to actually be heard.
Plus, unlike having a talk at home, which already has serious undertones, cars are instantly more casual, making things less of a “big deal,” Martin noted. Just think, wouldn't it be nice to instantly throw on an upbeat playlist after having one of these chats…rather than sitting in awkward silence?
Martin herself has tried this approach with her two older kids, and said the car has now become a “safe place” for things to be talked about. They even bring up their own questions to discuss.
@beachgem10 Replying to @user2271606969875 The best piece parenting advice was from @teawiththeteach and she said to have uncomfortable conversations with kids in the car #parenting #advice #thebirdsandthebees #conversation ♬ original sound - Beachgem10
“I’m starting to have these conversations with my younger kids,” she concluded, “and I want to emphasize how important it is to talk about these issues early so that when you get to that older teen/pre-teen time that it’s not the first time they’re hearing about it.”
Martin isn’t the only one to have tried car talk either. Many folks in the comments shared how they have successfully brought up difficult subjects on car trips.
“Yes, my oldest is 26 and I still have big conversations with him in the car. At that age I wait until we’re on the interstate so he can’t jump out,” one person wrote.
“I love the car for tough conversations even with my spouse,” added another.
A few recalled having their own tough car conversations as kids.
“My mom ALWAYS did this,”one viewer said, adding “I still get anxiety in the car with her wondering what she is going to bring up and I have my own family now. ... I am glad she did and that she cared enough to have those conversations.”
Another parent even shared how they added in one other element to make for smoother discussions, writing ““I did this. Add an ice cream cone to connect something enjoyable for the brain to connect to. My boys would ask for ice cream drives when they had something serious they wanted to discuss.”
Other resources have pondered other factors that make conversations seem to flow easier in a car, like the close proximity, limited distractions, and the changing scenery which helps create the sense that we’re not stuck with a problem. An article posted in Symptoms of Living also surmises that having a shared destination and facing the same direction also play a big part.
Having big talks with kids might be difficult, but it’s all an integral part of being a parent. Hopefully this tidbit can make things easier for everyone involved.
Just remember to have that upbeat playlist at the ready!
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- In a world that pushes kids too fast, let's let childhood linger a little longer. ›
- The real reason birds are taking over parking lots all over the country - Upworthy ›
- Mom has great advice on how to stop an uncomfortable conversation - Upworthy ›
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."