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Have you heard of 'white fragility'? Here's a fake PSA to hilariously explain it.

Can you read this whole article without feeling a little defensive? I think you can.

This satirical video from AJ+ called "How to Protect White People's Feelings in the Workplace" is hilarious — but, if you're white, it might make you feel uncomfortable.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I'm white. What about you? Do you find it hilarious? Let's talk after you watch it.

Did watching this video make you feel defensive? If so, there's a reason for that.

Don't panic. I want to explain something to you, white person to white person.

That little grumble in your gut that makes you feel uncomfortable when I bring up racism? There's a term for that. The term for that feeling might also make you feel uncomfortable or defensive. But it's just a term. It's called "white fragility." It's what happens when a white person prioritizes how it feels to be called racist over how a person of color might feel experiencing racism.

To be clear, it doesn't mean you're fragile, but if hearing that term makes you feel like closing this browser window or rolling your eyes, you might be experiencing it. The good news is, there's a pretty simple solution to feeling this way.

When you feel yourself getting defensive, tell that feeling to take a seat and try just listening to what's being said.

Unlike people of color, who are often confronted with conversations about race and have their interactions in the world affected by their skin color, white people aren't ever really forced to talk about race and racism unless they have to — usually after they've said something insensitive or, dare I say, racist, even if we didn't mean to come across that way.

Don't feel the need to rebut their argument; just think on it.

So if you do feel yourself getting defensive, try to imagine how the other person is feeling.

Think about all the hoops people who aren't white have to jump through in their head before they try to talk to a white person about things like race. If a coworker who is a person of color isn't reassuring enough when telling their white coworker to stop touching their hair, their white coworker might feel bad and think they're being called racist. Which many white people feel is the worst thing they can be called. But, it's not the same as experiencing racism, and, frankly, people of color shouldn't have be afraid to keep it real with us.

We as white people shouldn't take it personally when someone explains things to us. You're smarter than that. I believe in you! Grown-up conversations and challenging ideas are super fun!

When you feel yourself getting defensive, you could try researching the issue before responding.

If you watched the video above and felt the urge to be defensive, maybe it's time to take a step back. Don't be the white people in this COMPLETELY SATIRICAL video. Learn. Adapt. If you do, those conversations might improve in the future, which is the whole point of talking about them anyway. We can't fix it if we don't talk about it.

The next time you say to yourself, "This person of color friend speaking to me is making me confront uncomfortable ideas," I highly recommend you do three things.

  1. Stop talking like a after-school special robot in your head. No one talks like that. You'll thank me later.
  2. Resist the urge to get defensive and rebut what said person is saying. Just take it in, process it, go google about it and learn.
  3. If you think they are being divisive because they ask you to consider their perspective about racism, then you need to ask yourself, "When my mechanic says my car is broken, is he making it worse by telling me about it?" Answer that rhetorical question and repeat step 2.

Now could you maybe also share or tweet this with people and urge them not to be defensive? Because it's hilarious. And horrible. Please?

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Underpaid teachers reveal they taught while hungry after mom cries over undecorated classroom

"My 1st year I made 27K and my room was empty."

Photo credit: Canva

Teachers reveal they taught hungry after mom cries over empty classroom

It's August, which means a lot of kids have either started school already or are heading back. The back-to-school month also means an influx of parents voicing their grievances on the internet. Everything from not wanting their children to share school supplies to the teacher's wish list items. What is typically an exciting time for children can be a stressful time for parents and teachers for different reasons.

One disappointed mom took to the internet in tears due to the lack of classroom decor in her child's classroom for "meet the teacher." It could be that this is the mom's first time sending a little one off to school, as to the reason she didn't know that there would likely be more decorating happening before the first day of school. Either way, her tearful reaction to the lack of decorations caused a few teachers to reveal the reality they face.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Overwhelmed with emotion.Photo credit: Canva

Most teachers, especially those of little ones, want to have their classrooms decked out in all the colorful, age-appropriate decor, but in reality, that costs money. Often, money neither teachers nor the school districts have. This is why public school teachers have wish lists that they pass out before the first day of school; some even create Amazon lists so people outside of their district can help. It's a pretty common understanding that teachers don't make a lot of money, but for some parents, just how little teachers make may be overlooked.

A teacher who goes by Mrs. Frazzled on social media recently reacted to the post of the crying mom. In this case, the teacher lived up to her social media moniker because what followed was more PG-13 than her usual content. Someone who goes by the name Kubi responded to Mrs. Frazzled's rant with an eye-opening reality, "My first year as a teacher I made 27K and my room was empty because I could[n't] afford to buy things for it. and I didn't even get my first check until 30 days in so I taught HUNGRY the first month."

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Stressed at the desk, seeking a moment of calm.Photo credit: Canva

The confession prompted Mrs. Frazzled to commiserate with her own, revealing, "I also taught hungry my first year of teaching. That's part of why this whole thing made me so freaking mad. I'll tell you my story as a first-year teacher because it is not a unique story by any means, clearly."

She goes on to share that student teaching isn't paid and comes at the end of teaching certification, which requires soon-to-be-teachers to teach during the day for free, then attend classes at night. This essentially means there's no feasible way for student teachers to make enough money to cover living expenses unless they forego their sleep. Mrs. Frazzled says that in the spring of her student teaching, she had a major life event that resulted in her looking for a new place to live on virtually no income.

@mrs.frazzled Replying to @Kubi ♬ original sound - frazz

"On the heels of this happening, I'm starting my first year as a teacher. And you do not get paid for the first month that you teach, so nine months, no work. Summer, very minimal work. Then you start school, and you need to have a fully furnished and ready classroom, because if you've seen a government-sponsored classroom, you know it is very barren in there."

The woman reveals that she couldn't afford to live in the area where she taught, so her commute was anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. She also confesses that the only reason she had anything in her classroom was because "parents kinda carried me on my back financially." They purchased the things she needed, including a big, colorful rug that can run well over $500.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Storytime circle with kids and teachers in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

"My first month of teaching, I was so stinking poor. I had a mattress on the floor, no refrigerator. I had a couch that I dumpster dove for, and I was driving Postmates after school so that I could get like $12 to buy dinner or whatever. I remember crying because I needed Q-Tips and I couldn't afford Q-Tips. I had to go Postmates for hours to make enough to buy Q-Tips. This is the reality of teaching in the United States," Mrs. Frazzled shares.

It's a reality check that some parents may not be ready to hear when their expectations fall short of the reality teachers are living. Feeling disappointed when something doesn't meet your expectations is understandable, but when it comes to classroom decor and supplies, it takes a village.

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A-ha's 'Take on Me' gets a delightfully epic facelift in metal band's 'on the spot' cover

There are plenty of surprises—and, yes, some incredible high notes.

Photo credit: screenshot from Musora YouTube video (left) / Yaffa Phillips via Wikimedia Commons, Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0, cropped (right)

A progressive-metal band created an epic "on the spot" cover of a-ha's synth-pop classic "Take on Me."

If you were to compile a short list of "pop songs you should never, under any circumstances," attempt to cover, a-ha’s 1985 synth-pop classic "Take on Me" would surely make the cut. And there are multiple reasons for that. One, it’s difficult to imagine that song without its era-specific keyboard sparkle. Plus, there are few humans who can recreate Morten Harket’s impressively high falsetto on the chorus ("I’ll be gone / In a day or twoooooooo")—even just physically, without even factoring in emotion or originality.

But Leprous, the massively underrated prog-metal band from Norway, absolutely crushed that musical assignment, reimagining the track from top to bottom. It’s all part of Musora’s YouTube series Covers on the Spot, where bands are presented with songs and asked to quickly remake them in their own style. Many of the most fascinating experiments—like the folk duo who tackled System of a Down’s nu-metal anthem "Toxicity"—have relied on contrasting styles. This is no exception.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Ron Jackson, the show’s host and the platform’s content director, outlined the process early in the video: "It’s going to be your challenge to transform that song into a Leprous track. You can do whatever you want—change rhythms, chords, lyrics tempos—but at the end of the day, it has to be uniquely yours." He even asked the band which genre would "scare" them the most, and singer Einar Solberg replied, "Something too close to home." Ironically, that’s exactly what they got—just not in the way they expected. A-ha are also Norwegian—a fact that Jackson didn’t even realize before filming the piece. (Leprous drummer Baard Kolstad even noted that "some of the [a-ha] guys" were his dad’s neighbor.)

Did Norway factor into the success of their cover? Who knows? But Leprous certainly put their stamp on "Take on Me," and the video offers a fascinating behind-the-curtain glimpse into their band dynamic. Each member of the sextet tosses out rhythmic variation, structural ideas, options for how to amplify the song’s core drama and make it fit their own aesthetic. In a bizarre way, it shows how much DNA their own genre shares with classic synth-pop—both are aiming for the grandiose.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Their biggest dilemma is how to tackle the "happy"-sounding synthesizer hook from the verses, which they translate over to a muted, more melancholy electric guitar line. "I love watching bands work," says Jackson, observing how they play off each other and how Solberg plays a role of big-picture organizer. The final product is stunning—a bit more menacing than a-ha, certainly way more complex, but capturing the essential cathartic spirit that drives the original tune. And, spoiler alert: Solberg nails all of those intimidating high notes, adding some operatic melisma and vibrato here and there. "I loved it," the frontman says after they finish playing. "It was intense but amazing." (For what it’s worth, he’s technically not a newcomer to a-ha world, having covered the band’s "Manhattan Skyline" with musician Ihsahn in 2020.)

Existing fans were enchanted: "It’s settled [then], Leprous needs to put out an 80's cover album," someone wrote in the comments. And they even made plenty of new ones: "Well NOW I have to listen to everything Leprous has ever done," added another. Luckily, the band officially released the song to streaming platforms, helping spread the word—even beyond the 356,000 (and counting) YouTube views. Another beautiful element to Leprous’s cover: It’s an incredible salute to Harket, who revealed in June that he’s been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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Woman gives stray cat the most Gen X name ever, and her friend can't stand it

As if?

via Canva/Photos

A woman making a "loser" sign and a shocked cat.

There are no hard-set rules for naming a cat, but if you want to follow the current trends, give them a cute-sounding human name. Over the past two years, the top five most popular cat names have been Luna, followed by Charlie, Lucy, Bella, and Leo.

No matter what type of name it is, it can also be hard to settle on one for a new cat because it’s what you’ll be calling out for the next 12-plus years. What if you name the cat Jerry, but it acts like a Sebastian or a Michael? Then what will you do? Two friends got into a spat over naming a cat, with the new owner rejecting their friend’s suggestions in favor of a term popular among Gen Xers in the ‘80s and ‘90s.


“I found a little stray cat in front of the grocery store. Super friendly but skinny and obviously abandoned,” A Redditor with the username SpecialEggSalad wrote. “My friend was with me and kept throwing out names. I didn’t like any of them. It was Ross, Beck, Tucker, Zorro… I asked her to just chill. She was getting worked up and kept asking if she could have the kitten. [It’s] My kitty. Anyway, after 20 minutes of her, just suggesting endless amounts of names…She got mad and said, ‘Fine, call him whatever you want.’ So now the cat's name is WHATEVER.”


When SpecialEggSlad announced the cat’s name, her friend “turned red in the face and she was about to cry.” It could be that the friend hated the feeling of rejection, but if she grew up in the ‘80s or ‘90s, she’d understand that being on the receiving end of a “whatever” was quite the insult.

What did 'whatever' mean to Gen X?

You see, Gen Xers were known for having an aloof attitude because, in those days, caring too much about anything was totally uncool. So whatever was more than a catchphrase was a way of life. The term became popular in the early ‘80s when Valley Girl speak expanded from Los Angeles to the world. But what began as innocuous slang evolved into something more nihilistic. In Nirvana’s breakout 1991 anthem, Smells Like Teen Spirit, where Kurt Cobain ditches any attempt at making a point in the song by singing, “Oh well, whatever, never mind.” Whatever was a way of distancing yourself from the powers-that-be, whether it was political, religious, corporate, or the media.


The term was also part of ‘90s hand-gesture culture, where people would call someone a loser by making an L with their index and middle fingers and placing it on their forehead. In Clueless, the affluent teens used two hands to merge the double Ls into a W, to signal “whatever,” with a double loser casher. Business Insider’s Emily Stewart notes that Gen X’s attitude comes from being raised as the least parented generation in recent memory. “Gen X's ‘whatever’ attitude has translated to a society that's perpetually a little ‘whatever’ about them,” she wrote.


It may be a knock on Gen Xers that they were once so nihilistic that they rallied around the term whatever, but it’s also a sign of knowing what’s important. A lot is going on in the world, and we only have so many Fs to give; it’s best to hand them out to the people who deserve them. Because when you care about everything, it’s hard to truly care about anything.

In the Reddit post, SpecialEggSlad faced criticism from commenters for naming her cat Whatever, which made it look like she didn’t care about the animal. Realizing this, she changed the cat’s name to Peekaboo. Let’s just hope the kitty grows into its name and isn’t a cat that refuses to hide, even if given an incredibly cozy cardboard box.

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Adult children share how they got over the 'guilt' of putting their parents in nursing homes

"It's just so hard taking the role of parent to your own parent."

Image via Canva/Goodboy Picture Company

People share how they overcome guilt of putting their parents in nursing homes.

It's a painful transition to watch your parents grow old and need help being taken care of. For many adult children, the responsibility falls on them to be caretaker. Often, it's an overwhelming decision.

The question about seeking additional help caring for aging parents from nursing homes or assisted living homes can be conflicting. It can also bring lots of guilt.

To help support others going through this difficult transition, a group of adult children with aging parents opened up about how they dealt with the guilt of putting their parents in nursing homes. They shared their personal experiences and how they processed the raw emotions of deciding what was best for their parents.

These are 11 real stories of how people overcame guilt about putting their aging parents in nursing homes.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Well, my Dad wasn't safe in his home on his own. Wasn't eating well. Threw trash and soiled underwear wherever. Had a biblical rat infestation in his hoarded Y2K food supply. Had said rats chew through his water pump's power supply so he lost running water. Now he's fed well, is taking his meds, is in a clean environment, has transportation to medical appointments, and has people all around him for when he has falls. So all that guilt is miniscule compared to his improved safety. It may not be as dire for your Dad, but it sounds like he'd be safer too. It's rough making the argument for it and following through though. Wish you the best." - Ariwara_no_Narihira

"Totally this. If they escape you just once, guilt is gone. Where the guilt comes in is if you put them there and forget them. Visit often, have meaningful interactions (if only on your side) try to see the glimpses of their old self, make them smile every single time. Cherish every moment, even knowing they are a fraction of themselves as one day it won’t be an option. Speaking from someone that has been there." - eeekkk9999

"Dealing with this right now with my grandmother. I'm also a caregiver for my disabled mom and brother. My mom and brother have accepted their limitations and help me rather than hinder me. My grandmother on the other hand is in that phase of life where she thinks she is firing on all cylinders but isn't and gets mad when I try to get her to a place that can ensure her safety. What helped me a lot was the notion that she would get mad me no matter what. I'd rather have her mad at me for putting her in a facility designed to care for people like her, than her being mad at me while being a hazard to her own health (while driving me crazy in the process.) You can't avoid the hurt. The anger, the frustration, the sadness....it will happen regardless. So might as well choose what's best. You'd want someone to be brave enough to deal with you in your twilight years as well." - 331845739494

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"As far as the guilt, the situation was beyond what I could do for her. I was so burnt out from being on high alert that a social worker told me flat out something HAD to change or I was likely to be in the hospital or dead within the next four to six weeks. I was severely sleep deprived and my patience was on fumes. Now I can be the caring daughter instead of the inadequate caregiver. We still have our moments, however mom is doing much better where she is in spite of some declines in her health." - DTW_Tumbleweed

"It's hard but so is losing your sanity. You and sis are not trained or medically qualified for this level of care management. I felt guilt putting mom in a home but she absolutely could not be left alone for one hour because she would get so crazy." - Vegetable-Fix-4702

"I agonized over this for years. One day my mother found some of her photos chewed up by mice. We called Orkin, they said 'you should vacate for 2 weeks.' A nearby Assisted Living place was offering a one month "tryout" so I had her try it. She made some friends there, and after 2 weeks the thought of going back to a house she had to clean, was too much. She said it felt like living in her dorm again. But 'temporarily!' Yes, yes, temporarily. After a few years, it was clear she'd have to sell her house (those places are expensive) so I moved her to one close to my house; after that she kind of forgot about her house so I took the liberty ..." - benri

"My Dad is in a home and he hates it. He yells at Mum and myself every time we visit. Tries to guilt trip us. But it’s the best thing for him. Mum is a short small woman, Dad is/was over six feet and he was struggling getting himself to the bathroom on his walker. Kept falling over and needing to call the ambulance to get back up. I live two hours away. It’s not ideal, but it’s physically the best place for him. He refused to have carers do anything but the basics, Mum never got a break." - ThehillsarealiveRia

"For your own peace of mind, I think a big part of it is semantics. Instead of saying that 'I put my dad in a nursing home,' say 'I moved my dad to a place that can better care for his needs.' The words 'moved' vs 'put' makes a big difference in perspective." - andysandygirl

"Guilt is the nemesis of caregivers. Guilt is our compass that tells us we have done something wrong. Placing your father in a care residence where he can get the help, support and healthcare he needs is not wrong. Yes, it does make you 'feel guilty', as if you have failed him, perhaps? I work with many caregivers who get to this point with a parent. The real struggle is their own emotions. Visit him often, be there a lot initially to help with the adjustment phase. I hear you say that both you and your sister are 'running yourself ragged...' this is not good for your health. His being stubborn is often just needing to hold on to his independence. Showing respect for that and finding a way to sell the cars, the house making it his decision. This is a very hard thing to do. It can wrench at your heart. As long as you don't abandon him, you are doing what is needed for all." - lifelovelegacy

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"I wish we could drop the stigma associated with guilt and the use of assisted living, nursing homes, rehabs, etc. Some of these places are horrible. But that’s the way it is with everything. Some are great. Personally, I felt relief when my dad entered assisted living. He is surrounded by professionals. There are systems in place for the situations he encounters. There are more people watching him and they have more experience than my family does. But, most of all, he has a much better social life because he has friends he sees regularly. Social interaction is key." - inflewants

"You don’t, you just learn to tolerate it. Serve God, yourself, and then others in that order. If you are doing your best, that’s all you can do. Guilt is a reasonable emotion. So is relief. Give yourself grace." - cutekthx

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Miracle twins have different dads and the fathers are over the moon about it

There's a one in 400 chance of it happening.

via Twins Trust / Twitter

Twins born from different dads.

Twins born with separate fathers are rare in the human population. Although there isn't much known about heteropaternal superfecundation—as it's known in the scientific community—a study published in The Guardian says that about one in every 400 sets of fraternal twins has different fathers.

This can happen the "natural" way if a woman releases two eggs during her menstrual cycle and then has intercourse with two different men within a short span of time. This could result in both eggs being fertilized by a different man. Both fertilizations would have to occur within 12 to 24 hours. But in this story, it happened due to a bit of modern science.

Simon and Graeme Berney-Edwards, a gay married couple, from London, England both wanted to be the biological father of their first child. "We couldn't decide on who would be the biological father," Simon told The Daily Mail. "Graeme said it should be me, but I said that he had just as much right as I did."

The only way to make it happen would be to have twins through in vitro fertilization. But they would have to find a doctor who would implant embryos from separate fathers in the same surrogate. They knew it wouldn't happen in England, so they looked for a doctor and surrogate mother in a different country.

"I saw Simon and Graeme's profile on a surrogacy website and I thought they had lovely smiles," Meg Stone, the Canadian soon-to-be surrogate, said. "I had recently split with my partner, and I wasn't ready for another baby, so I wanted to help someone."

Simon Berney-Edwards, Graeme Berney-Edwards, Meg Stone, surrogate parents, same-sex parents The coule and their surrogate.via Meg Seroski-Stone / Facebook


Meg was already a mother of two children, Jeffrey, 12, and Max, five. The couple flew out to Los Angeles, where they both fertilized eggs from an anonymous donor. Then, they journeyed to Canada, where they met with Meg to be sure she was the perfect fit. "We were nervous at the beginning—in case that we didn't click with her. But we needn't have worried," Simon said.

Six months later, one fertilized embryo of Simon's and one embryo of Graeme's were inserted into Meg's womb. The couple spent a stressful week hoping both embryos would take. They were afraid that one of the fathers' embryos would work, the other wouldn't, and they'd have to eventually go through the same process again.

"She FaceTimed us from the scanning room. First of all, we saw one heartbeat, and our stomachs clenched with nerves," Simon said. "Then we saw the other heartbeat. Graeme and I just hugged each other," he continued. "We were just over the moon. We were both going to be dads—she was pregnant with both of our babies."

The couple kept in close touch with Meg over the coming weeks and flew back to Canada for her 19-week scan. The two proud fathers-to-be were delighted to touch her belly and feel their babies kicking inside the womb. At 31 weeks, Meg was in pain and thought she was about to go into labor. So the two men quickly packed their bags and flew to Canada.

"We dashed to the hospital when we arrived, to find out it was a false alarm," Simon said. "We were just so relieved that she and the babies were fine." The couple remained in Canada, and five weeks later, Meg gave birth to Calder and Alexandra Berney Edwards.

"It was the most amazing experience of our lives," Simon said. "Alexandra was born first and then Calder arrived minutes later. "When we both held them for the first time, we couldn't believe that we were both daddies," he added. "It was a long way to go and do this, but it was worth it to both be able to have fathered one of the twins each."

"Calder was the double of Graeme, and Alexandra was the image of me," Simon said. The couple remained in Canada for seven more weeks before they could take their newborns home. Then, they hopped on a plane and returned to England. But sadly, they had to leave a new member of their family behind.

"It was sad to say goodbye to Meg, When we brought them home for the first time, it was just incredible," Simon said. "Since then, they have gone from strength to strength. They are doing so well and hitting all their milestones." The twins recently celebrated their first birthday, and the fathers flew Meg out to celebrate with them. "Simon and Graeme are like brothers to me now," Meg said. "They call me the twins 'Tummy Mummy' which I love."


Simon Berney-Edwards, Graeme Berney-Edwards, Meg Stone, surrogate parents, same-sex parents Simon, Greame and their babies.via LGBT News World


This story originally appeared five years ago.

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