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Health

Gen Xers and boomers share how they dealt with anxiety and depression growing up

We've come a long way since the "suck it up" days.

photo of kids in the 70s

Those who grew up in the 70s didn't have much mental health support.

One of the hallmarks of today's younger generations is that they have a greater awareness and acceptance of mental health issues than generations past. That's a good thing overall, with therapy and treatment for anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses being destigmatized. There are some pitfalls that have come along with the wave of awareness and knowledge, but even so, it's a far cry from the way mental health used to be handled.

Gen Xers and boomers are sharing how they handled anxiety and depression growing up and it's a testament to how far we've come in managing mental health. Those of us who grew up in those years remember how mental health wasn't talked about at all, and if it was, it was either to make fun of someone who was "crazy" or to side-eye people who needed therapy. The idea that seeing a psychologist isn't all that different than seeing a doctor for a physical ailment was unheard of.

It may be a bit depressing, but here's how those who grew up in the 70s—so Gen Xers and younger boomers—say they handled anxiety and depression when they were growing up. (And yes, there's a whole lot of Gen X sarcasm in these responses. We had to put all that angst somewhere.)


We 'sucked it up.'

There's no more classic phrase than "suck it up" to sum up the attitude toward anxiety and depression back in the day.

"We were told suck it up. You're fine. There was no such thing as depression or anxiety then."

"Suck it up. Get over it. You think you're special? Life isn't fair, get used to it. Edit to add a forgotten favorite: No one wants to hear your whining."

"'Suck it up' was the recommendation."

"This is what I came here to say - you just sucked it up a dealt with it."

We just 'stopped being so sensitive,' etc.

So many sayings are familiar to folks who dealt with untreated mental health issues…

"I didn't have depression. I just need to stop being so sensitive. My mom repeatedly told me so."

"Don't forget 'you're a kid what do you have to be stressed about?!' Or 'wait til you're an adult then you'll know what REAL problems are.'"

"I didn't have depression OR anxiety. I was also just too sensitive, and timid, and dramatic, and overly emotional, nervous and lazy. I just needed to smile more so other people would think I was happy until I actually was happy!"

"'Making mountains out of molehills...'"

"I read too much and had an overactive imagination."

"I let the little things bother me. Silly child."

We didn't talk about it.

Surely if we just don't talk about it, then it isn't a problem, right?

"No one talked about mental health. Even if a teen died from suicide, they just kept quiet, like if we ignore it, the kids will be better off."

"This was true if someone also attempted suicide. That person was seen as being mentally weak. Most people who attempt suicide either had mental health issues or other issues in their lives which weren't being addressed. Sucking it up doesn't work in those situations.

If you attempted suicide when I was a teen, you were taken to a mental health facility and usually you didn't return to school. The few people in high school that I had heard about who attempted suicide (none of them were successful) never return to school after the incident. It was hushed up."

"Yeah, we had a couple suicides at my high school. The kids knew. Hell, in one case it was a twin whose brother still went to school. You didn't talk about it. Nobody talked about it."

We pulled weeds.

Pulling weeds is not a cure for anxiety or depression, but compared to most of the other things on this list, it at least had a little bit of therapeutic merit.

"I just suffered. And according to my parents, I was just fine and needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and go pull weeds."

"Go pull weeds 🤣🤣, yes it was a thing."

"I didn’t realize 'pulling weeds' was a popular thing of the times! I thought it was just my Dad making us earn our keep. lol Pulling weeds was like an escape for me. Quiet, outdoors, I think it helped my depression!"

"It was a thing for us Gen Xers as kids growing up. Lol Complaining of boredom? No plans with friends? Feeling sad and lonely?... Go pull weeds and collect rocks from the garden."

"The soil actually has feel good chemicals in it. I definitely feel better gardening, stuff like that. But yeah, I still get depressed as shit still, I'll watch movies and stuff, kind of helps. You may get some wisdom from a line in a movie that stays with you. :)"

We self-medicated.

Sadly, there were a lot of substance use and addictive behaviors that came out of those generations as they dealt with their issues through "self-medication."

"Substance abuse. I was a straight A student, active in sports, pretty popular, and I was bombed or high almost every day. Pressure lead to anxiety which led to depression but I found shit didn’t hurt as bad if I added weed, booze, or pills to my daily diet. I also learned that if you had the grades nobody cared, parents, teachers, administrators.

It all came to a head in my 20’s, life pretty much fell apart after college. I sobered up in my early thirties and learned some coping skills along the way. Life turned out pretty damn good and I am pleased with the person I became."

"As a teen in the 70's, I self medicated. Looking back on it now, I had few tools to deal with the crushing depression and anxiety I had. The drugs (weed, amphetamines) and alcohol took the edge off. Some nights, I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep."

"Alcohol, cigarettes, wouldn't eat food for days at a time. It seemed like an okay thing to do at the time. Looking back I wonder why someone didn't intervene."

"Good old fashioned eating disorder!"

Music. (Seriously, though.)

Perhaps there's a reason music was so good in that era…

"Music, first and foremost,still to this day."

"Ahhh, yes. The music was amazing at the time."

"Yes. Listening to music and just sitting in my room for hours a day learning how to play the guitar. Whenever I had my guitar in my hands I felt at peace and I would always feel much better after playing for awhile. It was like therapy, a way for me to get my emotions out without talking."

"Music was it for me too. No matter how bad my day was, I knew I could go into my bedroom at night, put an album on the record player, plug in my headphones and enter a world where no one could find me. It was bliss. Music is still my safe place all these decades later."

"Music was the ONLY thing that helped me through some very dark times. I felt utterly disconnected from my peers and only music made me feel like I belonged."

Thank goodness we've got so many more tools in our toolbelt these days. Though we still have a lot to learn about mental health and how to treat mental illnesses and disorders, at least we know they're real and are openly talking about them. It's good to see how far we've come from the "suck it up, buttercup" days.

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

Some forward-thinking artists are making electronic music with, yes, barcode scanners.

You can make music from just about anything. When my youthful exuberance was at its highest and my net worth at its lowest, I once made a beat by recording myself slamming doors and punching tables.

My experiments, admittedly, didn’t sound great. But some forward-thinking musicians have built an entire art form by seeking sounds in unusual places—and in the case of Electronics Fantasticos!, a Japanese project centered around Ei Wada, by transforming "outdated electrical appliances into new electronic instruments." In an incredible viral YouTube video, they demonstrate their most famous piece of gear: the Barcoder, a barcode scanner that generates sound not through a cash register but by "connecting scan-signals of a barcode scanner to a powered speaker directly."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In the clip, two "barcodists," Wada and Akira Ataka, appear to be set up in a makeshift performance space, where each scan various blocks of black-and-white patterns. When arranged rhythmically, the synthesizer-like sounds they produce—low, pulsating grunts and high-pitched squeals—wind up resembling intense electronic music. (Bonus points for scanning their own striped shirts, which look like referee outfits.)

The YouTube comments are outstanding. One person (accurately) joked, "This is like the 1990s’ prediction of what 2020s music would be," and someone else chimed in, "When you lost your job as a DJ and ended up becoming a cashier." Also, props to the viewer who suggested they "just need a zebra to complete the band."

Electronics Fantasticos! have filmed a lot of Barcoder demonstrations, and they even took it to another level with the Barcodress. In this experiment, a dancer wears a dress "on which signals are engraved as striped patterns," and sound waves are created as the Barcoder scans their movements. They describe it as an artistic expression "where clothes, dance, and music playing become one." They continue, "It’s just like a dress serves as a record, dance as a turntable, a player as a record player needle, and expands the record and play mechanism to a physical expression. We explore possibility of 'Electromagnetic Dance!'" Mind-bending stuff.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The project includes many bizarre instruments beyond the Barcoder. Take the "Hoovahorn, Tofoovahorn, and Vacuumonica," which vibrate reeds "by suction of a vacuum cleaner." There’s also the CRT-TV drums, which "produce sound when a player catches static electricity emitted from CRT-TV screens with bare hands and sends the electric signal to a guitar amplifier through a coil attached to the leg of a player." Other staples include the "Factory Fan Bass," "A/C Harp," and "Electric Fan Harp."

Wada has grown Electronics Fantasticos! into a larger community, establishing six activity bases throughout Japan and creating a "worldwide lab on the Internet" with nearly 100 members. They held the Electro-Magnetic Bon-Dance Festival in 2017 and, two years later, formed a multinational band to perform at Austria's Ars Electronica Festival.

If you're interested in supporting other creative people who make unusual instruments, check out YouTuber Burls Art, who’s built guitars out of 800 pieces of paper, 14 skateboards, 700 sheets of newspaper, 1,600 RadioShack dollar coins, 50 pounds of copper wire, and 1,000 melted cans.

Talk about alternative electronic music!

Nolan Reid / TikTok

There's an old joke slash meme that goes something like this: "Guys literally only want one thing and it's disgusting." Its used to imply, obviously, that men are shallow and crude creatures. TikTok creator and simple-life advocate Nolan Reid, however, has a different idea of what men really want.

Nolan recently made a video about "Little things in life that make men happy."

The hilarious list includes:

  • A fridge full of beer.
  • Drinking said beer in the garage. With your dog. And a good buddy.
  • Finding a cool stick.
  • Kicking a rock.
  • Staring at water.
  • Dropping rocks into said water.

As a fellow man, I would say: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

It really doesn't take much! Watch Nolan's full video to see the rest, and just appreciate how much joy and satisfaction he gets from these simple thing.




People loved Nolan's list – so much so that they began adding their own ideas of "simple things men love."

The video racked up hundreds of thousands of views across TikTok and Instagram.

One commenter wrote, "He just described my whole personality." Another added, "This guy gets it."

Others chimed in with their own additions to the list, like staring at a fire for hours. Or just peace and quiet.

But most of the nearly 200 comments were just people chiming in to say one thing:

"Hell yeah."

Finally, someone who understands us.

Nolan's ultra-relaxed vision of "masculinity" is honestly so refreshing.

Men on social media are usually bombarded with the Andrew Tates and Jordan Petersons of the world, influencers who constantly berate us to make more money, lose weight and add muscle, sleep with more women, take charge, relentlessly self-improve.

I like Nolan's much chiller idea of masculinity. It reminds me of being a kid, taking pleasure in the simple things, not racing to be anywhere, not trying to impress anyone or prove anything.

Nolan's entire account is a breath of fresh air, an antidote to hustle culture. His videos find joy in:

  • Breaking down cardboard boxes
  • Driving at sunset
  • Going fishing
  • Throwing a frisbee
  • Wearing t-shirts
A daily visit to his page is almost like a meditation. I highly recommend giving him a follow to add a little counterprogramming to your social media feed.

Nolan says in another recent video that he started making TikToks and Instagram reels just for fun, but discovered along the way that he was really passionate about the message.

"I never thought that my simple living and love for little things would resonate with so many of you."

He said he hopes to inspire people to "take a step back and enjoy the good simple things in life."

I suddenly have the urge to go chuck a rock into a river, so I would say: Mission Accomplished!

This article originally appeared last year.

Education

8 classes that should be required for all students before they hit adulthood

If we want to prepare kids for adult life, we've got some glaring gaps to fill.

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

Why aren't we teaching students the things they really need to know as adults?

I remember sitting in advanced algebra and trigonometry class in high school wondering if I was really ever going to use any of what I was learning. Math at that level meant nothing to me in a practical sense. I planned to study English and education to become an English teacher, so I couldn't imagine why I'd need to learn the ins and outs of trig.

As it turned out, some of what I learned came in handy in the functions class I was required to take to fulfill my math requirement in college. But again, I found myself sitting in class with zero idea of why I was learning this level of math and suspecting that I was never going to actually use that knowledge in my adult life.

Now I'm a middle-aged adult and I can say with absolute certainty that I was right. In 27 years, I have not used anything I learned in functions. Not once. Not even a little bit. I agonized my way through that class to eek out a B-minus and to promptly forget everything I'd learned because it was utterly useless to me.

To be clear, higher math isn't useless—it's amazing. It was just completely useless to me.

You know what would have been useful? Learning about financing a car or a mortgage or understanding how and why and where to invest money. In all that time I was doing trigonometric proofs and calculating polynomial functions, I could have been learning all the various real-life math-related decisions I'd have to make as an adult.

I see the same thing happening with my kids in high school and college. It totally makes sense for students who are interested in going into math and science fields to take math beyond basic algebra and geometry, but for those who aren't—why bother? There are so many more valuable things for them to take the time to learn—things that every single person really needs a basic knowledge of, such as:

Basic Psychology/Mental Health Maintenance

Every one of us has a brain and mental health is an issue for a huge percentage of people. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 4 people globally will be affected by a mental health disorder at some point in their lives. Even those of us who don't struggle with mental illness benefit from learning about how our minds work, gaining strategies for managing our thoughts, emotions and behaviors, and understanding why people do the things they do.

How many people would have been saved by learning how to spot a narcissist before getting into a relationship with one? How many people could mitigate an anxiety spiral right when it starts because they learned to recognize the signs earlier? How many people would appreciate the support and understanding of everyone having a basic understanding of their mental health disorders?

Basic Sociology/Human Behavior

Similarly, every one of us lives in a society. Understanding social connections, relationships, and group behavior might just come in handy. If we don't understand the causes and consequences of human behavior, we're going to be confused by society at best and allow or enable atrocities to occur at worst.

From learning how cults and conspiracy theories work to recognizing how our prejudices can blind us to reality, sociology has useful knowledge we all need to internalize.

Media Literacy

If we're going to be bombarded with media 24/7, we'd better know how to process it. Understanding how journalism works, what makes a source credible, how information can be skewed and how to recognize misinformation and disinformation is vital. What is bias and how can it be mitigated? How can we recognize when an outlet values accuracy?

So many of the problems the U.S. is facing currently are due to people watching or listening to dubious news sources. Mandatory media literacy courses would (hopefully) go a long way toward changing that.

The Stock Market and Other Investments

I underestimated how much I'd need to know about the stock market when I was younger. None of that economic stuff interested me, but I wish I understood it better now.

But really, it's investing in general that we need to understand more about when we're younger, especially since starting young is the No. 1 best advice any financial advisor will give you.

How Banking, Credit, and Credit Cards Work

Every single one of us uses a bank or credit union and credit is a huge part of adult life. And yet, most people I know have had to piece together how credit and credit cards actually work through advice from friends and family and good old trial and error, sometimes with devastating consequences.

Taxes

Good gracious, right? Not just how to do taxes, but what taxes get used for.

Financial literacy is what I'm saying. We need mandatory financial literacy classes. (In 2022, Florida became the first state to require personal finance education to graduate, so yay Florida.) I think I was required to take economics in high school, but it was much more high-level economic theory than personal finance. We need personal finance first, then the bigger picture.

First Aid/Safety/Self-Defense

Most of us probably got some first aid and/or CPR training in health class, but how comprehensive was it? Did it include infant CPR? Do we know how to recognize if someone is having a stroke? Signs of infection?

What about basic everyday safety, like why you shouldn't leave a car running in a garage or common household fire dangers or how to spot asbestos?

Self-defense seems like a no-brainer. Basically, a "How to Stay Alive and Keep Others Alive" course that includes most everything you need to know to protect yourself and your loved ones on a daily basis.

Navigating our Healthcare and Health Insurance System

Ugh. I've been an adult for almost three decades and everything about our healthcare system confuses and frustrates me. Maybe if we required schools to teach young people how it works, it would shine a big spotlight on how ridiculously and unnecessarily complicated it is because no one could possibly explain it in a way that's understandable. Maybe that would push lawmakers to actually do something about it, because honestly, it's just a gigantic mess.

There are surely others, but those are the major subjects that come to mind as vital after being an adult for a long while and seeing what my own kids need to have a decent grasp on as they make their way into the world. And honestly, there are some classes that adults should be required to take well into adulthood. Parenting classes, for example. Or local government and voting.

All subjects and courses have value to some people, but if we want students to be prepared for adulthood, we should make sure they are given the vital knowledge and skills every person actually needs and will use.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared last year.