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Joy

Gen Xers and boomers share 'customary good manners' they wish would make a comeback

"Manners" are sometimes seen as old-fashioned, but thoughtfulness and courtesy are never out of style.

Photo credit: Canva

Speakerphone in public? No thank you.

In the modern world, the importance of "manners" as widely agreed upon standards of behavior and habits of a civilized society feels fairly antiquated. What used to be considered rude has become commonplace, what was polite is now seen as stuffy, vulgarity ranges from tolerated to celebrated, and shared expectations of common courtesy have all but dissolved.

Depending on your age and perspective, the above statement may invoke a high five or a serious eye roll. Sure, we've shed some of the social norms outdated ideas about what's right and proper, but isn't that generally a good thing? Or have we unfortunately thrown the baby out with the bathwater?

Someone asked Gen Xers and boomers on Reddit what "customary shows of good manners" they've been sad to see go by the wayside, and the responses are a reminder that manners aren't just arbitrary rules. Often, they stem from thoughtfulness and appreciation of others, which are universal values we can all get behind.

Not all manners-of-old are worth keeping, but here are some of the "good manners" Gen Xers and boomers say they'd like to see make a comeback:

Saying thank you

Expressing gratitude is good for you and feels good to the person receiving it. Anyone who does a service for you, even if they're getting paid for it, deserves a simple "thank you."

"Saying thank you to people whose job it is to help you in some way. Yes, it is their job, but that doesn't mean you should just ignore them. I always say thank you, and many people look surprised before smiling and saying, 'You're welcome!'"

"As a little kid, I remember my mom telling me "say thank you" when someone would do something, anything, for me. Many times I'd roll my eyes and dramatically sigh "thank youuu" to people. It was expected that parents would, you know, parent in real time. Other adults understood."

via GIPHY

"I am always surprised at the looks I get when I say 'thank you' to store clerks, cashiers, baggers, etc. I can’t tell if they have never heard the words before or if no one ever says it to them. If I add 'have a nice day' I really get stared at."

"Just a thank you in general is nice but often forgotten- I had to text my nephew once and said Did you get this gift because you never said anything about it."

"Heck. I even thank the AI assistant on Amazon. =-)"

Grace (as in saving others from feeling embarrassed)

The embarrassment or humiliation of others has become the basis of loads of social media content, and this kind of "grace" feels like a relic from a bygone era. Being gracious may be a lost art, but it's a valuable one worth reviving.

"There used to be a principle taught to children called 'grace,' which was so important it was a common name for girls, and it didn’t mean moving gracefully and smoothly.

It meant feeling discomfort when you saw another person embarrassed, and gracefully deflecting attention from the embarrassed person.

My grandmother lives this concept in a deeply-ingrained and well-rehearsed way, if she sees someone trip or drop anything, she will loudly say something unrelated and gesticulate to draw attention away from them. She will minimize and dismiss whatever embarrassed them and change the subject.

I have never seen her express delight at the embarrassment of another person."

via GIPHY

"Some other examples: A 'grace period' for paying a bill after it's technically due. They are overlooking the embarrassment of you not paying on time.

A gracious host will overlook a faux pas that should be embarrassing to the guest. Forget a name? The gracious host will cover it up by casually using their name in conversation. Didn't bring anything to a dinner party? The gracious host will never mention it.

And then the most gracious of all: Don't gossip about it later."

"I miss the quality of grace so badly."

Introducing people to each other

In the digital age, we've lost some of the basics of in-person social interactions including making sure everyone present at least gets introduced to one another.

"Introductions. Including someone in a conversation. Lisa, this is my friend John. John, we were just talking about where to get the best fries. What do you think?"

"I do this with my middle schoolers! If there's a partner activity and someone doesn't have a partner, I walk them to another person or group and introduce them like they've never met. 'Hey, have you met my friend Tracy? Tracy, this is Alex. Can she join your group?'"

via GIPHY

"Yes! Also responding to greetings. I teach middle school. We just had an advisory lesson on Communication. When I explained that the purpose of manners were to help people feel comfortable, something seemed to click with some of the kids."

"I’ve been in the company of men I work with, playing in a band with them for a few years and when their wife finally comes to a gig and is standing next to them, no attempt is made to say, 'This is my wife .' I’ve realised only after the fact that was their partner! Someone who I see and hang out with multiple times in a week and then their partner is there and they never think to introduce."

Being aware of your impact on a public space

How many times have you been in a waiting room, restaurant or public transportation and had a person watching a video or taking a call on speaker phone without headphones? (To be fair, it's often the older folks engaging in this behavior, so not necessarily a generational thing.)

"Discretion. So many people have no problem talking loudly and forcing everyone within 100 feet to suffer through their conversation."

"Cell phones on speaker in public areas have led to me hearing medical details that should really be kept personal."

via GIPHY

"This new trend of having your phone on speaker in public is infuriating. Not sure it is the case but the apparent arrogance of thinking that you are so important/interesting that your need to share your every moment is breathtaking. And what about privacy? Do these people not value that?"

"Omg. I’m 51 and my aunt is 70. The last time we went to lunch (her male roommate was also there) she put her phone on speaker in the middle of the restaurant to talk loudly to the doctor about her vaginal cream for ten straight minutes. I’m now dead inside."

"Allowing kids to run around a restaurant is a pet peeve of mine - they should be taught that behavior disturbs other diners and the wait staff. I am one of 5 siblings and on the rare occasion my family went out to eat (people ate out a lot less in the ‘60s) my parents reviewed the rules before we left the house, and made sure we adhered to them once there. I remember the looks of horror on people’s faces as we paraded in single file but almost every time someone would come over and compliment my parents on our behavior. We were allowed a little slack at a place like Howard Johnson’s but knew how to behave at finer establishments. I don’t mind a child getting out of hand - I understand waiting for your food is hard - as long as the parents are doing their best to keep things under control. Child friendly should not mean child-run anarchy."

Not dropping f-bombs indiscriminately

Everyone has different feelings about swearing, but the norms of when and where have definitely loosened, both in what people say in public spaces and what people put in their yards.

"Not saying 'f__k' in public. Used to be you never heard that word in public, now it's on bumper stickers and political flags."

"Not swearing in front of others who may not share your casual approach to language or around children/older folks. BTW when I say older folks I'm talking older (not necessarily me lol!)."

via GIPHY

"I'm in a couple of online sewing/quilting groups and recently a new-ish member posted a question, it was about 3 sentences long, F-word used 3 times! in questions about sewing! I actually commented and replied I'm sorry I cannot begin to concentrate on your sewing issue because all I see is foul language. Other people also commented that it isn't necessary to use that kind of language. They edited the post."

"Clean language in the presence of children, elders and in public is gone. I'll never accept casual F bombing of everyone within earshot with your conversations."

Watching out for others in your path

Awareness of how you might be inconveniencing others as you move through space may have gone by the wayside, but maybe we can return to some of this common sense sensibility by simply looking up and around more.

"I don't know if this is strictly manners, but it's a matter of self-absorption: walking straight out into the street without pause, without waiting for cars that are very near to pass. Sometimes they're looking down at their phones. Sometimes they're just staring straight ahead.

Edit: the driver's version is not stopping when someone's standing at the crosswalk waiting to cross. Even though they've been standing there since you were 100 yards away or more."

"Or another version that I encountered at Costco yesterday, the people walking to or from their cars, straight down the middle of the driving lane. One just took her time strolling in front of me and I really wanted to rev my engine. Choose a side already!"

"And walking slowly across the street while looking at their phones."

From Your Site Articles

manners

Wellness

Gen Z manager shares the time-off requests she's rejected, and people are here for it

This is a refreshing approach to leadership.

time off requests, pto, sick leave, gen z manager, manager positions, asking for time off

@bunchesofbeggs/TikTok

This Manager thinks PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a million different ways—by being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

Part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.

Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she “rejects. ”You’ll see why “rejects” is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, “Girl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!”

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for “vacation,” not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs
Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans

Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when one employee—a parent—was “up all night” with their sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

“Seriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,” she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

“You are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,” one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs
Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military

Another said, “The better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.”

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders. One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.”

Another joked that “Boomer managers could NEVER.”

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicators), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time off as a way to “recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.”

@bunchesofbeggs
If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff

Younger generations might get labeled “lazy” or “entitled,” but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity—it, in fact, enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

This article originally appeared in March.

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gen z

Education & Information

This surprising map reveals the real value of $100 in each state

Your purchasing power can swing by nearly 25 percent from state to state.

cheapest states, cost of living, finances, cost of living, $100

Image by Tax Foundation.

Map represents the value of 100 dollars across America.

As the cost of living in large cities continues to rise due to inflation, tariffs, and other economic factors, more and more people are realizing that the value of a dollar in the United States is a very relative concept. For decades, cost of living indices have sought to address and benchmark the inconsistencies in what money will buy, but they are often so specific they prevent a holistic picture or the ability to "browse" the data based on geographic location.

Each year, the Tax Foundation addresses many of these shortcomings using the most recent Bureau of Economic Analysis data to provide a familiar map of the United States overlaid with the relative value of what $100 is "worth" in each state. In recent years, they've further updated their data so that you can break down the value of your money across every single metro area in the United States. It's an incredibly valuable tool for the many people considering (or who have already acted and migrated from states like California to Florida), Texas and other states with friendly state taxes rates and more affordable housing options.

The map quantifies and presents the cost of living by geography in a brilliantly simple way. For instance, if you're looking for a beach lifestyle but don't want to pay California prices, try Florida, which is about as close to "average"—in terms of purchasing power, anyway—as any state in the Union. If you happen to earn (or luck) your way into Silicon Valley tax brackets, head to Hawaii, D.C., or New York. You'll burn through your money in no time. And in some of those places like Hawaii, there are quality of life measurements that often exceed raw purchasing power.

So, where does your dollar go the furthest in 2025? The financial planning site GoBankingRates.com compiled its own list of cash purchasing power across each state and found that in California, you get the least bang for your buck: only $87.42 in real purchasing power for every $100 of cash. The average person in California makes $96,344 annually, one of the higher income levels in the country. However, just living in California on average costs residents a staggering $86,408, leaving the average person with little flexibility for long-term financial planning projects like retirement, saving for a new home, or even buying a new car.

At the other end of the spectrum is Arkansas, where your dollar goes the furthest. In fact, that $100 bill burning a hole in your proverbial wallet is in fact worth more than its technical value, with a real value of $113.49. On top of that, the cost of living is only $37,067, less than half of that in California. Further, the average cost of a new home in Arkansas is $208,743, less than one-third of a new home in California. Not coincidentally, in 2023, Arkansas was the top destination for people moving to another state within the United States, followed by Texas.

family, moving, income, finances, $100 Family moving into a new home. Canva Photos.

How about Florida, which has received outsized attention in recent years for its overt efforts to draw residents from California and other states with higher costs of living? According to the most recent data, Florida is in fact much closer to California than Arkansas, coming in only in 40th place on the GoBankingRates rankings, with $100 in cash only being worth $96.55. However, the annual cost of living is still only slightly more than half of that in California, coming in at $53,505. And if you're looking to buy some real estate, the average home is valued at $404,924. That's still well outside the purchasing power of many Americans, but with built-in advantages such as warm weather and one of the top-ranked state education system in America, it's obvious why so many people, especially those with families, are choosing Florida over California in recent years.

florida, cost of living, finances, $100, education Driving Road Trip GIF by Rosen Hotels & Resorts Giphy

According to U.S. News and World Report's data analysis, California only has the nation's 23rd best education system and is ranked a paltry 37th overall in their state rankings. It's quite a contrast for a state that bills itself on the promise of opportunity, natural wonder, and positive lifestyle options. And with 2025's wildfires (as well as an annually-worsening wildfire season), the constant threat of earthquakes, and other factors, California clearly has challenges beyond economics if it wants to remain one of the more attractive states in the nation.

Of course, those numbers are always in flux, and political leaders in California have promised concrete reforms in order to address the state's high cost of living compared with the value of its social and emergency services. If you want proof of how quickly things can change, look at a similar analysis of the value of $100 in each state from 2015:

- YouTube youtu.be

However, those negative statistical trends aside, California continues to have an incredible pull on our collective imagination. Four hundred twenty-three thousand, one hundred ninety-four Americans left their state for California according to the most recent data in 2023, placing it in third behind our previously mentioned top two states, Arkansas and Texas.

So, it's clear there are a number of factors that determine the best place to live in America. When it comes to raw purchasing power, you cannot beat Arkansas. But there's so much else to consider: public resources like education and healthcare, job opportunities (you probably won't make nearly as much in Arkansas as you might in California) and other factors such as proximity to family, friends, and personal interests.

There's no doubt America is rapidly changing and that includes what people value the most when they decide where to live. In uncertain economic times, the face of America will likely change radically in the coming years with the political, economic, and social landscape shifting in meaningful ways.

This article originally appeared in August.

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$100

Modern Families

Millennials share their boomer parents’ 15 odd (and hilarious) habits they just don't get

Secretly, they are the most smartphone-addicted generation.

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor

via Canva/Photos

Boomer parents and grandparents sure do have some interesting habits.

When it comes to intergenerational conflict, you never hear too much about Gen Z having a hard time with Generation X or the silent generation having beef with the baby boomers. However, there seems to be some problem where baby boomers and millennials just can’t get on the same page.

Maybe it’s because millennials were raised during the technological revolution and have to help their boomer parents log into Netflix, while the grandparents get frustrated when their adult children don't know how to do basic homemaking and maintenance tasks. There’s also a political divide: Millennials are a reliable liberal voting bloc, whereas boomers are the target demographic for Fox News. Both generations also have differing views on parenting, with boomers favoring an authoritative style over the millennials' gentler approach, which leads to a ton of conflict within families.

A Redditor recently asked Xennials, older millennials, and younger Gen Xers born between 1977 and 1983 to share some quirks of their boomer parents, and they created a fun list of habits that can be both endearing and frustrating.

The users shared that millennials are frustrated with their parents' abilities to use technology but are touched when they send them a greeting card.

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor Baby boomers are a fascinating and endearing group. Giphy

Of course, it is reductive to reduce generations into a series of stereotypes, whether it’s millennials or baby boomers. But, for many, hearing that they aren’t the only person who gets frustrated with their boomer parents can be pretty cathartic and make them feel less alone.

Here are 15 boomer parent quirks that Millennials just don’t understand.

1. They save everything

"They save EVERYTHING (containers, jars, boxes, etc.) just in case they might be able to use it for something later. I feel like this habit was handed down from our grandparents' Great Depression upbringing."

"Absolutely! Shopping bags, empty yogurt containers, boxes that some product came in…..although I love me a 'good box!' I have all my iPhone boxes for no reason."

You know the old saying: Is she really a grandma if she doesn't rinse out used plastic baggies to save for later?

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor An average boomer's basement. Photo by Tania Melnyczuk on Unsplash

2. Scary texts

"Will text something foreboding like 'we need to talk;' then turns out she forgot a recipe."

"My dad will text me 'You need to call me right now' when it’s nothing. And not tell me major life events until well after the fact. Like my aunt had a heart attack and I found out a week later from her son. (And my dad did know.)"

It's true, generations have been battling over tone and punctuation in texts for years.

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor They love to scare their adult children with dramatic texts. Giphy

3. Stranger death toll

"My mom is ALWAYS telling me about dead people I’ve never met. I really do not care. I know that sounds awful, but I don’t have it in me to be sad for everyone on the planet when they pass."

“You remember my friend Carol? Her aunt had that above-ground swimming pool in her backyard. We swam in it a couple times one summer when you were about 9. Anyway, Carol’s mom just lost her brother-in-law. They were very close. Thought you’d want to know.”

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor Boomers love to talk about random people who have died, and large-scale tragedies. Giphy

4. They don't travel

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

"Ooh good one. Mine act jealous of anything we do/buy that they can't solely because they can't get out of their own way and actually make things happen."

And, in general, they have more money and time to make it happen! But they often insist on being homebodies, to their own chagrin.

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor Boomers love staying at home for no good reason. Giphy

5. They print everything

"My Boomer FIL prints out EVERYTHING from his computer. I understand printing out instructions or recipes to help remember but do you really need a file cabinet full of forwarded emails from friends and sale adverts from 5 years ago? Oh well, at least he keeps it organized. Also, both TVs in the house run 24/7 playing reruns of 'CSI: Who Gives a Sh*t Anymore?'"

"I'm not on Facebook, but my dad is. Last year, he made a celebratory post on my birthday and all his church friends liked and commented on it. He printed up the post and all of the comments, stapled it into a little book, and MAILED me the printed Facebook comments..."

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor If it can't be held in their hand, they don't trust it. Giphy

6. 'From, dad' texts

"My dad sends text messages with, 'From, Dad' at the end of them. It cracks me up every time. He also states who he is every time he calls me."

This has to be one of the more endearing things the boomers do. Please never stop.

7. Irrational fears

"One quirk my dad had was that he was deathly afraid of the house burning down. Not from the standpoint of the danger of fire but when he was growing up, if your house burnt down, you were basically homeless and destitute. My mom is much more level headed about it. She always told my dad, that is why we have homeowners insurance."

8. Expired food

"My mother-in-law doesn't throw out expired food. She has food in her pantry that is several years past their expiration dates. Same with condiments in her fridge. You just can't trust any of the food she has on hand because more than likely than not it's way expired. When we have brought this up, that she needs to throw some stuff out, she insists it's absolutely fine. It's not. "

"My grandmother is the same way. Once, she opened her refrigerator, and there was a jar of pickles with mold floating on the surface of the liquid. I pointed it out, and she said it was still good. She would just scoop the mold out at a later time. She has an incredibly strong stomach and immune system."

They also love to stock up on and freeze certain staples, even milk.

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor They'll keep food for way, way too long. Giphy

9. Smartphone addiction

"You always hear a kids 'these kids always on their damn phones.' But when it comes to phone addiction, boomers are far worse."

"My mom drives five hours to see us, then spends the whole time texting people from her church or looking at Facebook."

"I once sat in their living room for over an hour before they decided to put their phones down and speak to me, only to phub me and pick them right back up."

It's not the Gen Alpha kids keeping Bejewled in business!

10. Rigid gender roles

"My dad still clings to the traditional division of 'men's/women's work.' He'll fix a car, do any outside work, clean out a clogged drain. Cooking? If it's any more complicated than making coffee or calling in a pizza, he can't/won't. I don't think he even grills anymore. Laundry? Hell no. Taking care of small children? He'll play with them but that's it."

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor They still hold onto outdated gender stereotypes. Photo by Frankie Cordoba on Unsplash

11. The TV is constantly on

"In-laws leave the TV on for all waking hours. And FIL gets irritated if someone talks over the episode of MASH or Walker, Texas Ranger, that he's already seen 50 times. Like clenching his teeth and stomping the floor."

"TV on 24/7. Constantly flipping between some version of Law and Order, HGTV, and Guy Fieri. Asking me 'did you see that commercial where…' No mom. I don’t have cable. I don’t see commercials. All of the time."

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor This is the generation that invented TV as background noise. Giphy

12. They are always right

"My dad...he's has to be right about everything and doesn't know what to do if you beat him to the point on something. He once was giving me a recipe that required cinnamon, cardamon, and clove and told me just to use Pumpkin Pie Spice! It's the greatest thing! 'Dad, I don't need to. I have all those spices on hand (I bake)' But...no! You have to use this. 'No, I don't. I don't need to buy something that I already have" It happens all the time."

"My parents are always right and they are not impressed about anything."

13. Obsessed with the weather

"Yes, my dad should have been a meteorologist. He used to have a weather alert radio that would sound off in the middle of the night and he would watch the weather channel constantly. We all had to quiet down when your local weather forecast on the 8's came on. He gets really excited about severe weather like when we might get thunderstorms or a tornado."

There's nothing quite like the thrill a boomer gets from relentlessly tracking every movement of an oncoming storm that will probably amount to some rain and little else.

boomers, millennials, generations, grandparents, boomer grandparents, millennial parents, 90s, 2000s, technology, humor They love intensely tracking a thunderstorm via The Weather Channel Giphy

14. One more thing

"Without fail, every time I'm leaving my mother's house and backing down the driveway, she comes back out of her house and stops me to say something else, even though we'd just spoken."

15. Mail stress

"My mom has an anxiety attack during the entire journey of a package or piece of mail she dispatched to me. No, she doesn’t know how to track. She will not rest until she knows that a package has arrived or a nominal check has been cashed. She calls when she is thinking about sending something, when she sent it, when it’s en route, and when it’s expected to arrive. God forbid it’s late. And if I don’t issue a prompt thank you, she will guilt me."

It all makes you wonder what new conflicts will pop up when the millennials become grandparents, and the Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids are the ones doing the griping. Probably that millennials will continue to insist on Googling things when traditional search engines have long been replaced, or that the 90s and 2000s kids will never stop listening to Lil Jon-era hip hop, no matter how old they get and how inappropriate it becomes.

Guess we'll see. Stay tuned!

This story originally appeared in January. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles

boomers

Education

A fourth-grade teacher asked for 3 'good reasons' for slavery. There was only right answer.

The school assignment was intended to spark debate and discussion—but isn't that part of the problem?

history, Black Americans, school, homework assignment, outrage

Trameka Brown-Berry/Facebook

A school assignment asked for 3 "good" reasons for slavery.

Back in 2018, a fourth-grader's school assignment was so shocking that it went viral. Every news outlet from ABC7 to HuffPost to CNN reported on the incident, in which a homework assignment asked students to list three "good" reasons for slavery. Yeah, you read that right.

The assignment was given to fourth graders at Our Redeemer Lutheran School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and also asked for three "good" and three "bad" reasons for slavery. The absurd and offensive assignment was brought to the public's attention when one fourth grader's mom shared a photo of the homework sheet on Facebook, asking, 'Does anyone else find my 4th grader's homework offensive? "

Now, it's not uncommon for parents to have questions about their kids' homework. Sometimes, it's just been too long since they've done long division for them to be of any help. Or teaching methods have just changed too dramatically since they were in school. And other times, kids bring home something truly inexplicable.

For mom Trameka Brown-Berry, looking over her 4th-grade son Jerome's homework made her jaw hit the floor.

The school assignment was intended to spark debate and discussion—but isn't that part of the problem? The shockingly offensive assignment deserved to be thrown in the trash. But young Jerome dutifully filled it out anyway, and his response was pretty much perfect:

In the section reserved for "good reasons," Jerome wrote, "I feel there is no good reason for slavery that's why I did not write."

We're a country founded on freedom of speech and the debate of ideas, which often leads us into situations where "both sides" are represented. In most cases, looking at both sides of a debate can help people come to a clear conclusion about what's right and what's wrong. But in this scenario, there is no reason that a child should ponder the positive benefits of slavery. There's no meaningful dialogue to be had about the perceived merits of stripping human beings of their basic living rights. No one is required to make an effort to "understand the other side" when the other side is bigoted, hateful, and violent.

The principal apologized to the students for the assignment

In a follow-up post, Brown-Berry writes that the school has since apologized for the assignment and committed to offering better diversity and sensitivity training for its teachers.

But what's done is done, and the incident illuminates the remarkable racial inequalities that still exist in our country. After all, Brown-Berry said to WCTI ABC News12, "You wouldn't ask someone to list three good reasons for rape or three good reasons for the Holocaust."

At the very end of the assignment, Jerome brought it home with a bang: "I am proud to be black because we are strong and brave..."

Even though the assignment was offensive, Brown-Berry found a silver lining in the experience for her son. "The moral of the story is, the only way to teach our kids to stand up for their rights and respect is to model it. With all of your support, I was able to give my child a personal life lesson about how change starts with you," she wrote in a Facebook post.

Good for Jerome for shutting down the thoughtless assignment with strength and amazing eloquence, and for being brave enough tell the truth: there are no good reasons for history's most heinous acts. The sooner the world acknowledges that, the sooner we can heal and restore.

This article originally appeared seven years ago. It has been updated.

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Mom writes tough letter to rebellious, 'independent' 13-year-old son and gets unexpected response

When the criticism started rolling in, Heidi Johnson doubled down.

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via Heidi Johnson/Facebook

A letter written from mother to son.

Parents are people, too. Whether they subscribe to "gentle parenting" ideas or a more old-school approach, the truth is that they're just doing their best. Sometimes they get it right, sometimes they make mistakes, and quite often, it's hard for anyone to tell whether they're doing a good job until years later.

Heidi Johnson's son was 13, deeply in adolescence, and in that stage where he'd frequently lash out and defy her at every turn. In one such instance, he stubbornly told her he shouldn't have to deal with her rules and should be independent. So she wrote a strict but loving "Mom's not a fool" letter. In the letter, she wrote that because he bragged about making money, he can buy back all of the things that she had purchased for him in the past and that he would also have to pay rent.

moms, motherhood, parenting, family, teens, teenagers, letters, tough love, parenting styles Teaching teenagers about real-life consequences isn't easy. Photo by Norbert Kundrak on Unsplash

"Dear Aaron,

Since you seem to have forgotten you are only 13, and I’m the parent, and that you won’t be controlled, I guess you will need a lesson in independence. Also, as you threw in my face that you are making money now, it will be easier to buy back all the items I bought for you in the past. If you would like your lamp/lightbulbs or access to the internet, you will need to pay your own share of costs.

Rent – $430

Electricity – $116

Internet – $21

Food – $150"

She also added some additional chores that, if not accomplished, she would fine him $30.

"He came home, saw the note, crumpled it on the floor, and stormed out of the apartment. I have always encouraged him to take a walk when he is upset so that he can collect his thoughts, so when we try to talk, we are able to talk, and not just yell at each other. I do the same thing — sometimes, I just need to walk away and collect myself. I am not above admitting that. He was still livid when he got home. He decided to stage a 'sit in' in my room, where he did laugh at me and repeat, 'Really? What are you going to do? You can't take my stuff,' etc.

He was asked to leave my room, and when he could be respectful, and I was more calm, we would discuss it further. He went to his room, and after about an hour, he had removed some electronics and items I missed that he felt he should have to earn back for his behavior. He apologized, and asked what could he do to make things better and start earning items back. He earned his comforter and some clothes right back. I did leave him some clothes to begin with, just not the ones he would want to wear every day. He also had some pillows and sheets, just not his favorite ones.”

Johnson decided to post the letter in its entirety on Facebook, the way one does to friends for a laugh and connection. After all, the strategy had been a success!

However, she neglected to make it "private," and soon, comments and shares proliferated, including admonishments from strangers who thought she was a bad parent. Now she had to deal with a bigger teenager: the internet and its commentariat.

But Johnson remained level-headed and wrote another Facebook post, clarifying.

"It's out there; and I am not ashamed of what I wrote... I am not going to put my 13-year-old on the street if he can't pay his half of the rent. I am not wanting him to pay anything. I want him to take pride in his home, his space, and appreciate the gifts and blessings we have.”

She explains that he is more grateful because of it, and also that he has slowly earned back things and dealt with sacrificing others. Then she lists her very organized and succinct rules of the house:

moms, motherhood, parenting, family, teens, teenagers, letters, tough love, parenting styles Kids need to be reminded, sometimes, of how much they still depend on mom. Photo by Spencer Plouzek on Unsplash

1 – Do your best in school! I don't expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don't understand something.

2 – Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.

3 – Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.

4 – You must complete two chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday has a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options: dust, vacuum, polish furniture, clean windows, mop the floor.

5 – Be respectful and kind with your words — no back talking, no cussing at me.

6 – Keep good hygiene.

7 – Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener.

8 – Use proper manners.

It seems that after a long conversation about what being independent truly means, the mother and son came to a deeper understanding and patched things up.

"You know what.. this hasn't hurt our relationship. He and I still talk as openly as ever. He has apologized multiple times... And… he is trying harder," Johnson said.

Tough love is a controversial topic in parenting circles. Some say it makes kids anxious and unsafe while others insist that it's the only way to truly instill an understanding of consequences in young people. Experts say the best "tough love" enforces boundaries and consequences in order to teach tough life lessons, but is done with love and understanding rather than yelling — and it's certainly never violent. That's why it's so powerful how Johnson took the time to cool herself down and write a firm but level-headed letter.

It's also important to remember that teens who rebel aren't bad or ungrateful. The rebellion is a part of how they begin to establish their much-needed independence.

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After the initial negative reaction to her post, Johnson's story continued to spread and drew praise from other exasperated parents of teens:

"Tough love is real love, he has a chance because of you," one commenter wrote.

"Good for you! He needs to appreciate everything you do! You are doing him a favor teaching him what it is to take care of himself and learn some respect," wrote another.

"Best parent I have read about in a very long time. Kids do not rule the house, adults rule the house. Thank you very much for being a great mom," another said.

As for Johnson, her son is earning things back little by little, and "appreciating it more than he did before," she wrote.

"This came down to a 13-year-old telling his mother she had no right to enforce certain rules, and had no place to 'control' him. I made the point to show what life would look like if I was not his 'parent,' but rather a 'roommate.' It was a lesson about gratitude and respect from the very beginning. Sometimes, you have to lose it all to realize how well you really had it."

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

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