upworthy
More

Gay men gave straight guys relationship advice and they'd be dumb not to follow it.

​Gay men have a unique view of the straight man’s world.

They know what makes a man attractive and they're also guys, too.

Gay men also tend to form deeper friendships with straight women, so they get the inside scoop on what they really want from relationships.

According to a recent question posted on Reddit, gay men and straight women often want the same thing: a guy who’s  emotionally available and reasonably well-dressed.

To help straight men with their relationships and life in-general, Reddit user OurOhnlyHope posed the question “Gay Men of Reddit, what advice do you have for Straight Men of Reddit?” on the online forum. Since it was first posted, the thread has received over 11,000 responses.

That's a lot of advice, so here's here’s 12 of our favorite gems.

  1. We can help you find Ms. Right.
As long as a gay friend isn't crushing on you, we're really good at helping you figure out if a girl is right for you or if you're just blinded by pussy. We have a special ability with hot women called, "You have no power here!" and we find out very quickly which ones become hell to deal with if they can't wrap you around their finger. Our opinion also isn't shaded by female politics as a female friend's can be.

I saw so many friends in college chase after girls that were completely wrong for them, just because of their looks. Gay men totally do the same thing when it comes to other men, so we can use your help as a filter as well.

(Reddit user BrobearBerbil)

2. It's important to stretch.

Flexibility and stretching is really important for good blood flow. Improving this part of your life will definitely improve your mental capacities and give you more energy. A study has shown that women find men who stretch more attractive.

The best way to stretch is to use one hand to grab the other wrist and raise your arms above your head and stretch to the sky. Hold the stretch for 10-15s. Feel free to add a little sway to either side. The stretch is best accomplished when wearing a loose-fitting shirt that exposes the midriff during the stretch. As a matter of fact, it's really best done shirtless and in a public setting, preferably ending the stretch with a few pelvic thrusts.

Just remember that if it doesn't work to get your blood flowing...well, it will work for me. ;)

(Reddit user coldize)

3. It's OK to express your emotions.

As a gay man, I just want to say that it's ok to express your emotions.

I cannot tell you how many times my brother's girlfriend would come up to me going, "Did I do something wrong!? He's so... quiet lately!" and me replying, "Nah, he had a bad day at work and is a bit stressed."

It's also ok to discuss your feelings and may even help your relationship with a significant other.

Too many men today put their feelings in an air tight container and end up losing part of themselves, yet feel it's the right course of action to preserve their machismo.

(Reddit user Cananbaum)

4. Flirt with no agenda.

Try to stop worrying too much when interacting with women you fancy; I've known a fair few of my straight friends incapable of flirting with women, whereas I've had to turn down the same women without even realising I was seeming flirtatious because I was just talking to them as I would anyone else without any agenda.

(Reddit user Birtyboy)

5. Not every gay guy is into you.

DON'T, and i can't put enough emphasis on this, DO NOT consider yourself so desirable that every gay guy will try to suck your dick every chance he gets.

You have no idea how many bloated, ugly as fuck straight guys reacted somewhere in the lines of 'Oh, you're queer? Thats okay, as long as you don't grope me.' when they figured out i was gay. Take a fucking honest look at yourself. You (probably) are very average looking, and implying that any gay guy wants to jump you is offensive as fuck.

Also, take care of your fingernails. Get a manicure once in a while. Hands are sexy.

(Reddit user Grailclipper)

6. Be confident, not creepy.

This thread needed a serious tag. I'll offer my best as I have lots of girlfriends that discuss this stuff with at times.

1. Dress nice. (You may think sweats are cool but ladies notice when you dress nice. Jeans, a nice pair of shoe, and a fitted tee or button up can really raise your stock with the ladies.)

2. Clean up. (Personal hygeine is key. Shower and deodorant. We guys sweat and can stink. A good cologne will make the ladies swoon. Also guys you can moisturize, lotion is fine. Lastly a nicely groomed beard is a good thing.)

3. Don't stereotype us. (Gay men come in all shapes and sizes and have a variety of interests.)

4. Be confident, not creepy.(I have seen so many good looking guys totally blow it when hitting on my friends.)

5. We can be friends. (I have lots of straight guy friends but some guys are so afraid to befriend me. Just cause a guy is gay doesn't mean he is interested. If I want to get laid I would sooner check Grindr than hit on a straight guy.)

Edit: Wow this blew up. More tips since you guys asked.

1. Dark jeans are great, please match your outfit, fitted clothing is wearing your size or if you can afford it tailored. You don't have to break the bank to dress nice discount stores like Marshall's, Ross and TJ Maxx offer nice clothes at a discount. Forever 21 and H&M offer trendy affordable clothing. I can name more expensive stores like Express, Banana Republic. Guys there are more than video games and porn on the Internet look at mens fashion advice or style tips. Lastly GQ, Esquire and Details offer great fashion tips.

2. A few people mentioned brush your teeth if you have to be reminded to do this you are beyond help. Cologne is tricky. We all have a natural scent so find one that mixes well with you. Go to Sephora or any major department store find an employee ask if they can help. Sometimes these people work on commission so they will be eager to help but don't let them force anything on you. I never buy the same bottle twice, but that's just me. There are so many. Gucci Guilty, Dior Homme, Kenneth Cole Black, Dolce and Gabanna Light Blue,Bleu De Chanel, YSL, way too many. Calvin Klein offers a good affordable variety. A few last tips. Don't use anything that smells like your uncle Bobby. Also don't spray the whole bottle, focus on key areas. Neck, chest, wrists.

3. Confident not creepy. Example my friends and I are dancing, you grinding up on one of them from behind is creepy. Don't be pushy be polite. Offer to buy her a drink. Ask her to dance. Guys sometimes a girl just wants to go out and chill so don't take it personal if she declines your advances. Other times she wants to get laid so spark up a conversation and see where that takes you.

(Reddit user Mattie4fun)

7. Don't be afraid to be feminine

Don't be so afraid to be feminine! You wanna wax your eyebrows, go ahead, you're not less of a man. Wanna dye your hair bright colors? Go ahead! Wanna paint your nails? Go ahead. Wanna wear a skirt? Go ahead! Your manliness is decided by you, not your lack of femininity.

(Reddit user ViolaExplosion)

8. Don't be afraid of beautiful women.

Here's a little semi-secret: You have nothing to lose by approaching a beautiful woman. We know this. We're gay. We have nothing invested in approaching a beautiful woman, chatting her up, and suddenly becoming best friends by the end of the night. And sometimes, beautiful women will invite us to touch their boobs, just to check 'em out.

We are not intimidated by beautiful women because we have nothing to lose. We have invested nothing in her until we start talking to her. By that calculation, there is absolutely no reason not to approach a beautiful woman at a bar, a party, or some other social gathering.

But you? You make a mistake. You mistakenly think that you have something to lose. Your attraction, your lust, your ... whatever you feel at that moment, you think that you already have something hanging out there to lose. Or you imagine that you will be turned down if you approach her, as if that is a loss of something.

You need to get over that mistake. Know that you have nothing invested before you approach a beautiful woman, so you have nothing to lose.

Don't be a douche. Don't think you have more to offer. Just realize that any person you meet at any moment in time presents the opportunity to achieve a relationship with an equal.

(Reddit user PDXHusker)

9. Size isn't that important.

I guess this is more... reassuring? But we hear a lot from your girlfriends. Like, a lot. If we're close, she'll tell us the whole story. And one thing I've learned from woman I know/hardly know/have literally met that night, it's that dick size doesn't matter. Most women and gays would much prefer a guy who knows what he's doing than someone who just sits on his high horse because his dick's above average. And yeah, there are size queens, but they aren't important.

(Reddit user I tried to be nice)

10. Just stop.

stop wearing white oakley sunglasses with coloured lenses. just stop.

(Reddit user [deleted])

11. We've seen your nudes.

If you send nudes to a female who has a gay best friend, he's seen your dick.

(Reddit user Thisguy2869)

From Your Site Articles
Joy

Adorable Golden Retriever absolutely loses it when he runs into his vet at a bar

No one has ever been this excited to see their doctor.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

@cosmo_andtheoddparents When you run into your vet in public #goldenretrieversoftiktok #vetlife #animallovers #petparents #goldenretriever #goldenretrievers #doglife #dogmom #dailyfluff #charlestondogs #doglover #charlestondog #brewerydog ♬ original sound - Cosmo

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

From Your Site Articles
dogs
Health

Philosopher shares the subtle giveaway that someone is 'not very smart'

When you see this trait, it's time to rethink your relationship.

via Canva/Photos

A man pointing at someone.

Individuals and groups have used scapegoating to blame their problems on others since the term was first coined in The Old Testament and probably long before. We see it all the time in politics, where leaders blame specific groups or ideologies for their country’s failures. We also see it in personal relationships where families blame one person for everyone’s problems or workplaces make an employee the fall guy for a failed project.

In a viral TikTok video, philosopher Julian de Medeiros explains why scapegoating is a sign that someone is unintelligent. He begins by quoting one of the most powerful British union leaders in the first half of the 20th century, Ernest Bevin, who once said: “An unintelligent person is always looking for a scapegoat.”

What's a sign that someone is unintelligent?

“What he meant is that a sign that somebody is not very intelligent is that they always have to blame their problems on other people. Like, it's never something they've done; it's always somebody else's fault,” de Medeiros says in a video with over 230,000 views. “They can avoid accountability; they can avoid introspection and self-reflection, which means that they can avoid growth because it's always somebody else's fault. A smart person is introspective, self-critical, and wants to grow, but an unintelligent person blames other people.”

@julianphilosophy

Intelligent vs. unintelligent #quotes #life #intelligent #wisdom


It can be hard to come to grips with our failures in life, whether they are financial problems, relationship issues or fear of losing control. “There are things that we cannot bear to see about ourselves. ‘I really don’t want to be seen as vulnerable or stupid or weak or greedy,’” Deborah Stewart, a Jungian psychoanalyst, told The Washington Post. “I don’t have to deal with myself if I scapegoat if I blame. That’s the part that most people don’t really know — that they are trying to expel some of their very own feelings by putting them on others.”

People and groups that are made into scapegoats can be put into incredible danger or subject to public disgrace, whether it is the Jewish people during the Holocaust or Anne Boleyn during the reign of King Henry VIII, or Yoko Ono for the breakup of The Beatles.

The big problem with scapegoating.

Those who scapegoat others for their failures can be seen as unintelligent because they refuse to take responsibility for their actions or even recognize where they may have been wrong. When people point their fingers at others, they also ensure that they never learn from their problems and are bound to repeat them. Intelligent people have a growth mindset, and scapegoating is the exact opposite.

Further, when societies refuse to look at the real causes of their problems and instead blame them on scapegoats, they will fail to progress. However, it’s very easy for leaders to fall into the scapegoat trap because it prevents them from being responsible and appears to solve problems when they are actually taking the easy way out.

Ultimately, it comes down to a core question: do you want to deflect blame for your problems by scapegoating someone else, or do you want to accept responsibility and grow from your difficulties? Ironically, those who scapegoat may think it makes their lives easier. However, living a life making the same mistakes repeatedly is a lot harder than accepting responsibility.

From Your Site Articles
intelligence
Joy

The world's greatest mentalist reveals 5-second trick to never forget someone's name

It's fun, weird, and will make people like you way more.

Unsplash

The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.

Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed.

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you.

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique.)

Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.

From Your Site Articles
psychology
Music

Resurfaced clip shows Cranberries singer Dolores O'Riordan's performing Fleetwood Mac cover

Who's ready for a Fleetwood snack?

@oldmansrock/Instagram

Truly a once in a lifetime talent.

When we think of badass, alt rock icons of the 90s, few are as singular and unique as Dolores O’Riordan, who gave The Cranberries its signature sound, and who was once described as having"the voice of a saint trapped in a glass harp.”

It wasn’t just that O’Riordan flawlessly blended traditional Celtic singing techniques like lilting and keening into rock music (which in itself is an amazing feat) but that her performances never compromised emotional authenticity for the sake of aesthetics. The result, as any fan will tell you, was something both ethereal and raw all at the same time.

So it should probably be of no surprise that in this resurfaced clip, presumably from the late 90s, O’Riordan’s stunning cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” is every bit as magical. As @oldmansrock, the account that posted the video, wrote, “the way that Dolores could challenge the pitch but still stay on key, that is the mark of an accomplished singer.

It sounds dissonant compared to the manufactured material of today, where every tone is perfect, but hers is oh so human, and so very Irish! It is beautiful!”

But don’t just take their word for it. Watch:

If this had you wanting to pull up a Cranberries playlist on your Spotify to listen to for the rest of the day, you're not alone. Down in the comments, the renewed love for O’’Riordan was palpable.

“What sits deep with me is that no one sounds like her. Her voice is unmistakable. Whatever her take on a song/lyric? It was authentically, soul-touching Dolores.

“She was unbelievably talented and the cranberries are criminally underrated.”

“Her Irish vocal sweep ups are amazing.”

“She was just brilliant!!! Incredibly talented as well as a lovely and kind human being. I love and miss her. I don't know how anyone can have a bad word to say about this. I thought it was brilliant, both her live cover and studio cover. I wish people weren't so stubborn. I can accept covers no problem if the singer is talented enough, and she most certainly is. ❤️”

“A keening Irish queen. Her voice will always stir me.”

“An actual once in a generation talent”

“Also a master of the microphone. She knows exactly where the sweet spot is for every note.”

“She could melt your heart with that voice, or completely blow you away. Missed dearly, but never forgotten ❤️”

This cover would go on to be a part to the Cranberries’ third album, To The Faithful Departed, which was released in 1996 and became the band’s highest-charting album on the US Billboard 200, and was praised for its darker tone as well as its themes of grief and loss.

After O’Riordan died from drowning due to alcohol intoxication in January 2018, the Cranberries would disband in 2019, but they released their final album, In the End, that year. It was comprised of some of O'Riordan's unfinished demo tapes.

While O’Riordan met the same tragic fate that befalls many artists, especially those in the music industry, her spirit lives on in her art. Because she put so much of herself into her craft, even bite-sized clips of her performances, many years later, inspire those who listen to it. That’s something worth celebrating.

By the way, you can catch a full video of the cover below.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

From Your Site Articles
celebrity
Joy

A poet wrote about meeting her younger self for coffee and launched cathartic viral trend

Women are creating healing "I met my younger self for coffee" poems as they reflect on how far they've come.

Photo credit: Canva

If you could meet your younger self for coffee, what would you say?

Life is complex and our feelings about our lives even moreso, which is why we humans so often turn to art as a means of processing it all. Poetry in particular has the power to distill complexity into a beautifully simple form, allowing us to succinctly express feelings that are difficult to describe. As Robert Frost wrote, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words," and a skilled poet can help us all find words for our own thoughts and emotions.

A poem by Jennae Cecelia from her upcoming book "Deep in My Feels" has kicked off a viral wave of poetic expression as women reflect on how they've grown and changed since they were younger. Cecelia's poem begins, "i met my younger self for coffee at 10:15," and goes on to describe a lovely, compassionate interaction with her younger self, all while contrasting that younger self with the woman she has become.

People loved the poem so much they used it as inspiration for their own "meeting my younger self for coffee" writing exercises, and the various iterations, at once so personal yet universal, have taken TikTok and Instagram by storm. Some are just written on blank backgrounds as images. Others are videos with the poem overlaid and music in the background.

But what they share in common is the sentiment of wanting to let our younger selves know it was going to be okay. That life is hard but there are good things coming around the corner. That whatever she's feeling or going through now will someday just be a memory.

Some poems have come from women who are still young but fully adult now, speaking to their teen selves.

@jasbethany_

I’d do anything to talk to my 15 year old self 🥲 #nostalgia #coffee #youngerself

Others come from moms in the thick of parenting, reassuring their younger selves that their dreams of having a family have come true, while others show that they took a different path than they planned and it turned out fine.

@katrice_taylor

🤎 #imetmyoungerselfforcoffee #momtok #momsoftiktok #blackmomsoftiktok

The trend is moving people to tears, offering hope to people who are still in those uncertain younger self years, when the possibilities of life seem endless and yet so much feels impossible. Many are finding solace in seeing people's before and after stories, as they serve as a reminder that life is malleable, that the future isn't set in stone, that people can endure and overcome.

@puffy817

Why did this trend heal a little bit in me while I wrote it IB: @Jennae Cecelia Poetry #coffeewithmyyoungerself #parati

Many resonate with the message that whatever struggles we're dealing with now we likely won't be in the future. And, of course, there will always be new struggles we're dealing with but with age and experience we hopefully learn about our own strength to endure. We also hopefully still have dreams to catch.

Cecelia says she is glad that her poem has inspired so many people to create their own versions of it, adding a rightful request to be credited for her work. She shares that the poem is part of a new collection of poetry that she describes as "a dream come true." Her previous poetry books have been self-published, but for this book she landed a deal with a publisher and is thrilled by the idea of having her book available in bookstores and not just online.

"This book is personal" Cecelia says. "It’s a reflection of love, loss, growth, and all the emotions we’re sometimes afraid to name. It’s a reminder that vulnerability isn’t just okay—it’s necessary. Inside, you’ll find poems that sit with you in life’s highs and lows, including the one about, 'meeting your younger self for coffee'—a favorite in the collection."

You can find "Deep in My Feels" for pre-order on Amazon and you can learn more about Cecelia and her work at jennaececelia.com.

From Your Site Articles
poetry
Trending Stories