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David and John Auten-Schneider, hosts of the Queer Money podcast, offer their perspectives on financial challenges in the LGBTQ community

David and John Auten-Schneider, hosts of the Queer Money podcast, offer their perspectives on financial challenges in the LGBTQ community
Courtesy of Capital One
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We and other personal finance experts have long talked about the financial challenges of the LGBTQ+ community. That includes access to equal housing, services protections and wage inequality because of one's sexual orientation or gender identity.

While those protections would be included in the Equality Act, legislation remains pending in Congress.

To be fair, the LGBTQ+ community has made significant progress over the last several years. The two most notable being the Supreme Court's 2015 ruling to ensure marriage equality and 2020 decision to ban employment discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. That progress has continued with the current administration, as President Joe Biden recently signed executive orders protecting LGBTQ people from housing and services discrimination.

The LGBTQ+ community faces a unique set of financial challenges that are preventing equal opportunity for all.

Let's break down some of the obstacles confronting members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Queer people are often expected to pay more

One LGBTQ+ financial challenge is the expectations — and misconception — that LGBTQ people can or should pay more because we don't have kids. While 15% of LGBTQ people have kids — compared to 38% of opposite-sex couples — it's not a cause for LGBTQ people having more money.

In fact, because of wage inequality for people in the LGBTQ community, having fewer opportunities for career advancement and in many cases needing the physical and emotional safety that comes with living in an LGBTQ-friendly city (many of which often have high costs of living), it's likely that your LGBTQ+ sibling or friend doesn't have as much financial security as their straight counterparts.

This is why we didn't travel for the holidays for three years while paying off credit card debt. Adding $800 to $1,000 in plane tickets to the credit cards we were working hard to pay off didn't make sense. Yet, our families never offered to come to where we lived for a holiday and foot the travel expenses.

A similar situation arises when caring for aging parents. LGBTQ folks are more likely to be asked to care for aging parents, which is backed by a 2010 MetLife study. This increases the financial burdens and restricts the savings opportunities for LGBTQ folks.

Queer people, especially gay men, struggle with the 'hysteresis effect'

There's also the lingering consequence of the HIV/AIDS epidemic on the LGBTQ community, specifically for gay men.

As Paul Donovan said on Queer Money® episode 252 about his book, Profit and Prejudice: The Luddites of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, that then created a hysteresis effect.

The hysteresis effect occurs when a singular event has an economic effect that lasts even after the initial event no longer exists.

Of course, we're still fighting HIV/AIDS. But we know more and have more resources to fight HIV/AIDS and it's no longer the death sentence it once was. A lingering economic effect for many LGBTQ+ people is "an unhealthy short-term view when it comes to finances," according to Donovan.

Our struggle with the hysteresis effect is one reason we got into $51,00 in credit card debt. We had a myopic view of what being successful was and spent accordingly.

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

The consequences compound on the challenges above and the many LGBTQ+ financial challenges about which we and many others have written. For example, LGBTQ+ people have smaller emergency savings accounts, less in retirement savings and more in debt than the general population, according to Student Loan Hero.

How to overcome those challenges

Get clear and become committed to your life and money goals

There are a lot of emotions tied to money. We attach our self-worth and value to money. We sometimes feel guilty that we have money while we also sometimes feel guilty that we don't have enough money. If we're letting family or loved ones guilt us into paying for what we can't afford, paying more than our fair share, or risking our financial security, we likely have emotional reasons, such as the need to please, to cause that.

This is just one reason why it's important for LGBTQ+ folks to get crystal clear on what matters most to us. We must figure out what we want our lives to look like and what we want to achieve, then architect our lives to reach those goals. That includes financing. If being helpful, giving or being charitable is one of our goals, we can include that in our life and financial plans.

If we have fewer resources at hand, then being clear on the one or two things we most want to achieve in life can help us efficiently spend our money and have money left over to help the people we care about or to meet our obligations.

Let's be hopeful (and intentional) about our future

As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. famously said, "the arch of the moral universe is long and bends toward justice".

There's no doubt it's bending toward justice in the LGBTQ+ community. The solution is that we must recognize that.

This means that while we live our best lives today, we must consider our long-term financial security and the lives we want to live when we're older. To be clear, living our best lives today and having financial well-being to live our best lives in the future aren't mutually exclusive.

Courtesy of Capital One's website

It's by talking with our friends and family about money, working with a Money Coach at a Capital One Café or other financial planner to recognize what matters most to us today and what we want in the future.

It's for these challenges and opportunities that we're strong advocates for LGBTQ+ financial independence and why we're proud to partner with Capital One. Though people have nuanced backgrounds, Capital One believes, as we do, that finances should work for everyone. That's why Capital One supports LGBTQ+ communities facing unique economic hardships through both products and programs supporting our needs.
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Internet

A nail salon made an ad so funny that people are taking road trips just for a manicure

Nailed it.

Representative photos by Wonderlane|Flickr and Aris Leoven|Canva

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there and, without word of mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, though, many businesses have pages where they can advertise their services without having to spend a lot of money on traditional marketing practices like television, billboards, and radio. Doing their marketing using pictures and videos of their amazing work can help keep a steady flow of customers coming—but one Canadian nail salon is going with a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails in Toronto, Canada is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video takes the beginnings of several viral video clips but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in completing the viral moment in hilarious different ways.

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears laid out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, manicure, henry's pro nails, adsRihanna Nails GIFGiphy

In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this is one is without a doubt his most popular—and effective.

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours and its only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately made all other places disappointing and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.

To keep up with demand, in late October 2024 Henry's announced another location was coming soon in Vaughan, Ontario. Though there's no word on when the new "more spacious and professional facility" is opening just yet, customers can keep an eye out for Henry's next ad on social media.

It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what gets them to come back. If you're ever in Toronto (or Vaughan!) and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

She refused to 'sacrifice' her upgraded seat so a mom could sit next to her preteen kids

Here's why parents applauded her for it.

Canva and Tammy Nelson|TikTok

Tammy Nelson refused to change seats for mom and kids

If you've traveled on an airplane in the last several years, you know it's much cheaper to chose the basic seats in the main cabin. There's nothing inherently different about these particular seats, other than the fact that it will be randomly selectee by the airline. If you're traveling alone, that's really not a bad deal, but you're traveling with a party that you'd like to keep together - like your children—the risk gets to be a little higher. One mom traveling with an 11 and 15-year old took the risk and banked on a stranger accommodating...that's not quite how it played out.

Tammy Nelson did a double take at her ticket after seeing the mom in her window seat. Of course, people accidentally sit in the wrong seats on planes all the time. However, Nelson quickly realized that this was no accident. This mom boarded the plane with her older children and had taken it upon herself to sit in the same row as her children, essentially commandeering a stranger's seat. Nelson assumed it was a mistake and informed the woman that the seat was in fact hers but the response she received was surprising.

"She said, 'Oh, you want to sit here?'," Nelson told Good Morning America. "She said, 'Oh, well I just thought I could switch with you because these are my kids.'"

airline, airline seating, best airplane seat, flying with kis, flying with teens, airplane drama, airplane karen, travelmedia1.giphy.com

That's an interesting assumption considering seats are assigned and many people, like Nelson, pay extra to have the seat they prefer. Now, there's no telling if funds were tight and this was an unplanned trip for the mom and kids which caused her to buy the more budget friendly tickets or if she was simply being frugal and was banking on the kindness of a stranger.

Either way, Nelson specifically paid for a window seat due to motion sickness and though she paid extra, she was willing to sit in the other row if that seat was also a window seat. But it turns out, it was a middle seat.

Surely there's someone out there that loves the middle seat. Maybe a cold natured person that enjoys the body heat of two strangers sitting uncomfortably close. Or perhaps someone that doesn't mind accidentally sleeping on an unsuspecting passenger's shoulder. But that person wasn't Nelson, so when the middle seat was offered in exchange for her bought and paid for window seat, she politely but firmly declined.

@myconquering Having had only 90 minutes of sleep the night before and knowing I had to give a presentation to 500 people, I desperately needed some sleep, so I did not agree to switch seats. 🤷♀️ Before anyone comes after me… the kids looked like they were about 11 and 15 years old. And the mom was in arms-reach of both of them from the middle seat in the row behind us. The mom proceeded to complain for at least 15 minutes to the person next to her loud enough for me to hear. But the woman actually defended me – several times. It was so kind and I appreciated it so much because I was feeling really guilty. 🤦♀️ ##airplaneseat##seatswitching##airplanekarens ♬ original sound - MyCONQUERing

Her refusal to give in to the mom's seemingly entitled request for Nelson's seat has resulted in parents and child-fee people cheering her on after she posted the details on her TikTok page, MyCONQUERing, which quickly racked over 3.4 million views.

"Nope. If it's not an upgrade it's a sacrifice," a commenter wrote.

"You did the RIGHT thing. Folks need to plan their travel together. Lack of planning on their part does not constitute an inconvenience on yours," one person said.

"I have 3 kids and have sat in different rows when they were passed toddler age. I agree, book your flight earlier," another said.

"You were right. As a woman with 3 children, I always pay extra so we're sat together," another mom said.

airline, airline seating, best airplane seat, flying with kis, flying with teens, airplane drama, airplane karen, travelmedia3.giphy.com

Luckily, there's been enough incidences like this to prompt actual change. More airlines are guaranteeing free family seating for parents with children under a certain age (not that that does much more the woman in this story, but still). Additionally, the U.S. Department of Transportation is proposing a rule requiring airlines to provide fee-free family seating and clearly disclose this right to passengers.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has since been updated.

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travel
Animals & Wildlife

Why have we domesticated some animals but not others? It comes down to four F's.

An entertaining video explains why we can't ride zebras or breed "war bears."

Photo credit: Canva

Horses were domesticated over 5,000 years ago. Zebras, never.

Humans have domesticated several kinds of animals over the millennia, from trusty horses and mules to livestock for milk and meat to our favorite furry companions. But why those specific animals and not others? What is it that led us to those particular choices? Why can we ride horses but not zebras? Why don't we purposefully breed "war bears" to fight for us?

That last question comes straight from the always-interesting and often-hilarious CGP Grey, whose YouTube videos explore all kinds of things we wonder about but don't necessarily take the time to research. In the video "Why Some Animals Can't Be Domesticated," Grey explains the four main elements that make an animal a good candidate for domestication, which excludes bears (and many others) from the list.

Grey alliterated the four elements to make them easier to remember: Friendly, Feedable, Fecund, and Family-Friendly. Let's dig into what those mean.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Domestication requirement #1: Friendly

This one is fairly self-explanatory, but basically an animal has to not post an inherent, immediate threat. We have to be able to catch them if we're going to domesticate them, so that eliminates all of the "carnivores whose day job is murder" as Grey puts it, as well as the large, nervous prey animals that are too afraid of us to let us get anywhere near them.

wild animals, domesticated animals, gazelleGood luck trying to catch a gazelle.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #2: Feedable

Every animals is feedable, of course, but that doesn't mean it's easy or cheap to feed them, especially in large numbers. This category pretty much eliminates pure carnivores and some omnivores, leaving mostly herbivores (and some unpicky omnivores) that are easy and cheap to feed. And that aren't dangerous (see #1).

wild animals, domesticated animals, chickens, chicken feedChickens will eat just about anything.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #3: Fecund

This requirement is all about breeding and babies. Some animals are extremely slow to breed, like pandas and elephants, making them undesirable candidates for domestication. Animals that have mate frequently and have relatively short gestation times and/or large litters are more suited to domesticated life. They also need to grow up quickly, which also takes elephants out of the pool.

However, as Grey points out, humans can still tame other animals like elephants. But taming is not the same as domesticating. The basic rule is: If it's on a farm, it's domesticated. If it's in a circus, it's tamed.

Domestication requirement #4: Family-friendly

This is where the horses and zebras question comes in. Horses were domesticated in Eurasia, but if humans started in Africa, why weren't zebras domesticated first? Grey explains that while horses tend to live in hierarchical herds, zebra are more independent with no family structure. Humans can capture the lead male horse and get the rest of the herd to fall in line. Zebra herds are more of a free-for-all and they're kind of jerks to even one another.

horses, zebras, domesticated animals, wild animalsThere's actually a big difference between horses and zebras besides just the stripes.Photo credit: Canva

Barnyard animals have inherent family structures that humans have figured out how to fit into. These animals learn to see the humans who own them as a lead cow or top chicken or whatever.

Way back in the hunter-gatherer age, when humans were just figuring out animal domestication, animals had to have all four of these requirements. Today, we have the ability and technology to domesticate more animals if we want to, but we also have less of a need to. Some breeds of foxes have recently been domesticated, bred to be friendly with humans. How fun would it be to have a pet fox?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Technically, a lot more animals could be domesticated if people really wanted to put in multiple human lifetimes of time and effort, but why?

You can follow CGP Grey on YouTube for more fun and informative videos.

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Parenting

Dad reveals how he uses brilliant HALT addiction technique to avoid lashing out at his kids

It was pioneered to help recovering addicts.

Images via Canva

Dad uses HALT method from addiction recovery for better parenting.

Disciplining kids is a bona fide part of parenting. Redirecting kids when they are misbehaving takes tact and patience.

TikToker Justin (@abetterdad), a dad of three boys, shared in a new video how a slogan from Alcoholics Anonymous has helped him be more patient and understanding with his kids when they're acting out of line. By taking stock of his kids by using the acronym HALT (which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), he shares that parents can better assess the 'why' behind a child's misbehavior, which in turn can lead to more patient and understanding reaction in parenting.

"When my kids act out, I challenge myself to ask what I missed instead of blaming them and getting frustrated at their behavior," he wrote in the video's caption. "I use the HALT method (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) to assess what's wrong."

@abetterdad

#creatorsearchinsights

In the video, his three sons can be seen playing on a playground and Justin continues to explain why the HALT method works to prevent him from lashing out at his kids when they are misbehaving. "Most are obvious, but Lonely sneaks up on you. Kids crave connection and often act out when they don't get it."

HALT is an acronym created by Alcoholics Anonymous that is meant to help those in recovery learn to address their most basic needs in order for them to live a healthy and balanced life with the goal of maintaining sobriety. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), HALT should be used "when feeling stressed and then take appropriate action before the impulse to use or reengage in risk behaviors becomes overwhelming." HALT can be defined as:

  • Don't get too Hungry can include an awareness—not only of avoiding being too hungry, but also focusing on healthy eating.
  • Don't get too Angry is a reminder to understand the causes of your anger and find healthy ways to feel and express that anger.
  • Don't get too Lonely is a reminder to connect with safe people, engage in social and recreational activities with others, and attend recovery support groups.
  • Don't get too Tired is a reminder to get enough sleep and rest when fatigued.

HALT, halt method, mental health, AA, mindfulness Stop Right There The End GIF by FreeformGiphy

Psychiatrist and addiction specialist David Streem, MD, with Cleveland Clinic, also adds, “HALT has two physical states — hunger and tired — and two emotional states — anger and lonely. It’s a good balance because you’re taking care of yourself physically and emotionally."

In parenting, Justin encourages parents to implement the slogan in a similar way to better understand why kids may be behaving the way they are, and to address any unmet needs they have before reacting.

@abetterdad

#creatorsearchinsights #parentingtips #momlife #dadlife #toddlertips #childhood

Fellow parents are loving his use of the HALT method to become better parents.

"Is their cup filled? Did they have enough time with you today? That's what I ask myself. They need their cups filled with mom and dad time. Going through the checklist is the best way to go!" one viewer commented.

Another added, "This is going to be of tremendous help. From one dad (whose dad was emotionally distant/abusive/neglectful/etc.) to another, thank you."

Another commented, "What a beautiful time to raise children - we love them so fiercely we find a special determination to HELP rather than push perfection."

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Humor

People trying not to laugh at the worst times is possibly the funniest thing you'll see all day

Laughter is contagious, even when it's so very wrong.

Photo by BĀBI on Unsplash

Sometimes you just can't hold it in.

The year was 1975. The TV sitcom was The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The episode was quite simply titled, "Chuckles Bites the Dust." It won an Emmy and is considered by many to be one of the funniest and most relatable moments to ever grace our televisions.

Chuckles was a clown who happened to have a segment at the news station where Mary (and her coworkers Ted, Lou, Sue and others) worked. His unfortunate death was so deeply absurd that people couldn't help but make jokes, which Mary thought was in extremely poor taste. But when the funeral came around, it hits her like a ton of bricks and what rolled out was unstoppable, uncontrollable laughter.

A reviewer on the "Chuckles Bites the Dust" IMDb page simply writes, "Besides being the funniest episode in this series, it's quite possibly the single funniest episode of any series, period. It's about as close to perfection as you can get."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

There is something about stifling a laugh that seems to make OTHER people laugh, and it usually seems to be all in good fun. However, some doctors and researchers claim it's often not about something being "funny." On the Bright Side YouTube page (@Brightsideofficial), they share, "Researchers found that only 10 to 20% of laughter is a genuine response to a shared joke. So, that 80-90% of unaccounted-for laughter is when people are laughing because something isn’t funny. We get scared when things don’t go as we expect them to. In an extreme sense, we could actually be laughing because we’re in physical shock and are in denial about the situation we’re witnessing. It’s a way to mentally run away from our fear and literally 'laugh it off.' It’s a comforting mechanism to calm down our mind in a high-stress situation."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

On a slightly brighter side (no pun intended), they also share, "Laughter has also been known to up our tolerance for pain. This means that laughter really is the best medicine!"

Over on TikTok, Comedy Hub is bringing the laughter with their clip, "Ranking the worst-timed laughs." This has garnered nearly 400,000 likes and tons of comments, mostly of people sharing their own rankings.

It begins with a poor guy discussing a serious matter with an unfortunately high voice on a Belgian talk show (some say this was a set-up for comedy; others disagree). What they can agree on, however, is that he gives "serious Michael Scott vibes." Watching the interviewer try not to laugh elicits pure joy from a lot of us.

There are six clips in total in the montage. Another is American Idol’s Simon Cowell—alongside Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul—desperately attempting to stop laughing at a sweet contestant with a less-than-sweet voice. In the top ranking, comedian Ricky Gervais bursts into hysterics on a morning news show where they seem to be discussing a heavy matter (in Ricky’s case, he defends his laughter: “Hairy bikers. What? I’m not allowed to laugh at that?”).

@thec0medyhub

Worst Timed Laughs 🤣 #tryingnottolaugh #trynottolaughtiktoktv #laughing #laughinginserioussituations #funnyclips #memes #funnyclips #fyp #foryou #foryoupage

And when Ricky laughs, it’s hard not to. It’s absolutely contagious.

An all-time favorite of many is singer Fergie singing the national anthem at the NBA All-Star Game. The players couldn’t contain their smirks, and when one started, the others followed. To be clear, it's not mean-spirited and she's clearly talented. She was just a bit, according to comments, "extra" on this day and it was tough not to notice. Even Jimmy Kimmel up in the stands gets the "laughter bug"—and it’s downhill from there. But also so very, very funny.

@betr

Iconic from Fergie 🙏 #allstar #fergie #anthem #nba

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