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Feel like someone's gaslighting you? A 3-minute test can help you determine if they are.

Gaslighting is designed to confuse, and the signs aren't always super clear.

woman looking confused
Photo by cottonbro studio/Pexels

Gaslighting can leave you feeling confused and unsure of yourself.

The term "gaslighting" has become a popular, everyday term, but there's still some confusion about what it means. Part of the reason is that the word has been misused so many times that the definition has become fuzzier. But another reason is the gaslighting itself is confusing for the person on the receiving end. Even if you know what gaslighting is, it's not always clear that's it's happening to you.

Briefly, gaslighting is a manipulation technique in which someone purposefully and maliciously makes someone question their reality. Abusers and narcissists will often use gaslighting to wear down their victims' sense of self and as a means of establishing and maintaining control over them.

In a relationship, gaslighting can look like denying that something happened and telling the person they're crazy for how they're remembering it. It can look like flat-out lying about something the victim knows for sure to be true. It can look like invalidating someone's feelings and telling them they're overreacting. It can look like being cruel and then claiming it was just a joke or making the victim believe they're at fault for something the perpetrator did.

Sometimes people use gaslighting to describe basic disagreements or arguing from different perspectives, like simply saying, "That's not what happened," or "That's not how I remember it," but gaslighting is intentional in its impact on the victim. People can have different memories of how something happened and disagree vehemently, but if a person isn't purposely trying to alter someone's sense of reality, it's not gaslighting. Similarly, telling someone to calm down and not take things personally may not be a sensitive way to respond to a person who's upset, but it doesn't automatically equate to gaslighting, either. Gaslighting requires a malicious intent to manipulate and control.

As Dr. Robin Stern, author of the book "The Gaslight Effect" describes gaslighting on Psychology Today:

"Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person’s psychological manipulation causes another person to question their reality. Gaslighting can happen between two people in any relationship. A gaslighter preserves his or her sense of self and power over the gaslightee, who adopts the gaslighter’s version of reality over their own."

Gaslighting also isn't confined to a one-time event, but is more a a pattern of behavior. The gaslighter's repeated distortions and denials wear the victim down over time, making them doubt themselves and question their reality. That's part of what makes it hard to spot from the inside, since someone being gaslighted is likely to question whether it's really happening.

If you detect an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship, it's important to seek professional help from therapist, especially if you suspect gaslighting may be at play. But having a tool to help clarify what you're experiencing and help determine what kind of help is needed can be useful.

Psychology Today offers a 20-question online self-test to help you assess whether gaslighting might be a problem in your relationship. The test takes about three minutes and includes statements like "This person makes me feel like I'm unstable," "This person tells me that other people are not trustworthy," and "I choose my words carefully when I'm with this person." After responding to each statement with one of five answers ranging from Always to Never, the test tells you how likely it is that gaslighting is an issue in that relationship based on your answers. Possible outcomes include no signs, few signs, some signs, strong signs or very strong signs of gaslighting.

The test results page also provides more detail about what gaslighting is, things to watch for to spot it and tips for what to do if you are being gaslighted in you relationship.

"The healthiest course of action, in most cases, is to end the relationship or significantly reduce contact," the site states. "Leaving a gaslighting relationship is challenging but possible. Confrontation is rarely effective; instead, trust your instincts, gather evidence, reduce or cut off contact, and seek help from friends, family, or a therapist."

Find the Psychology Today gaslighting self-test here. (And if you need a therapist to help you with your relationship struggles, you can search by location, insurance and specialty on the website's "Find a Therapist" database of providers here.)


This article originally appeared last year.

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Internet

A nail salon made an ad so funny that people are taking road trips just for a manicure

Nailed it.

Representative photos by Wonderlane|Flickr and Aris Leoven|Canva

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there and, without word of mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, though, many businesses have pages where they can advertise their services without having to spend a lot of money on traditional marketing practices like television, billboards, and radio. Doing their marketing using pictures and videos of their amazing work can help keep a steady flow of customers coming—but one Canadian nail salon is going with a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails in Toronto, Canada is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video takes the beginnings of several viral video clips but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in completing the viral moment in hilarious different ways.

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears laid out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, manicure, henry's pro nails, adsRihanna Nails GIFGiphy

In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this is one is without a doubt his most popular—and effective.

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours and its only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately made all other places disappointing and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.

To keep up with demand, in late October 2024 Henry's announced another location was coming soon in Vaughan, Ontario. Though there's no word on when the new "more spacious and professional facility" is opening just yet, customers can keep an eye out for Henry's next ad on social media.

It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what gets them to come back. If you're ever in Toronto (or Vaughan!) and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Internet

Gen Zer asks Gen X how they got around without GPS and the replies are pure nostalgia

If you said 'Mapquest' you don't know the half of it.

Photo credit: Canva
Gen Zer asks how people got around without GPS, Gen X responds

It's easy to forget what life was like before cell phones fit in your pocket and Google could tell you the meaning of life in less than .2 seconds. Gen Z is the first generation to be born after technology began to move faster than most people can blink. They never had to deal with the slow speeds and loud noises of dial up internet.

In fact, most people that fall in the Gen Z category have no idea that their parents burned music on a CD thinking that was peak mix tape technology. Oh, how wrong they were. Now songs live in a cloud but somehow come out of your phone without having to purchase the entire album or wait until the radio station plays the song so you can record it.

But Gen Z has never lived that struggle so the idea of things they consider to be basic parts of life not existing are baffling to them.

One self professed Gen Zer, a woman named Aneisha, took to social media to ask a question that has been burning on her mind–how did people travel before GPS?


driving, maps, GPS, google, google maps, mapquest, millennials, gen zPeople used to have actual maps in their cars. Photo by Tabea Schimpf on Unsplash

Now, if you're older than Gen Z–whose oldest members are just 27 years old–then you likely know the answer to the young whippersnapper's question. But even some Millennials had trouble answering Aneisha's question.

Aneisha asks in her video, "Okay, serious question. How did people get around before the GPS? Like, did you guys actually pull a map and like draw lines to your destination? But then how does that work when you're driving by yourself, trying to hold up the map and drive? I know it's Gen Z of me but I kind of want to know."

Watch Aneisha pose the adorably sincere question here:

@aneishaaaaaaaaaaa

I hope this reaches the right people, i want to know

Even when most Millennials were starting to drive, they had some form of internet to download turn-by-turn directions, so it makes sense that the cohort between Gen Z and Gen X would direct Aneisha to Mapquest — a primitive early ancestor of Google Maps.

"we'd have to print step by step directions from MapQuest and hope for the best" one commenter wrote.

It's true, you're not really a millennial if you've never driven around with a stack of loose Mapquest pages floating around your car. If you were lucky, you had a passenger to read them off to you. "Drive half a mile and turn left on Elm Street!" It was a stressful time, for sure. God help you if the pages got mixed up or if you went off track somewhere. Even with a printed map and directions there was no guidance for finding your way back to the proper route.

We used to literally chart out long road trips on a physical map before departing.Giphy

But there was a time before imaginary tiny pirates lived inside of computer screens to point you in the right direction and tales from those times are reserved for Gen X.

Mapquest, by some standards, was an incredible luxury made possible by the internet. So the generation known for practically raising themselves chimed in, not only to sarcastically tell Millennials to sit down but to set the record straight on what travel was like before the invention of the internet. Someone clearly unamused by younger folks' suggestion shares, "The people saying mapquest. There was a time before the internet kids."

Others are a little more helpful, like one person who writes, "You mentally note landmarks, intersections. Pretty easy actually," they continue. "stop at a gas station, open map in the store, ($4.99), put it back (free)."

"Believe it or not, yes we did use maps back then. We look at it before we leave, then take small glances to see what exits to take," someone says, which leaves Aneisha in disbelief, replying, "That's crazyy, I can't even read a map."

It's a good idea to keep a local map in your car, even today! In case of emergency, you never know when it might come in handy. Learning how to read it, however, might take a little time for folks who didn't grow up using non-digital maps. (Many young people are confident in their ability to read maps based on their heavy GPS usage, but something tells me those skills won't translate to the big according-style paper maps.)

Some users added that you could often call your destination (or friend or family member) and write down careful directions before you left. If you've ever visited a venue or business' website and seen general directions depending on which direction you're traveling from, you get the idea.

"Pulled over and asked the guy at the gas station," one person writes as another chimes in under the comment, "and then ask the guy down the street to make sure you told me right."

Imagine being a gas station attendant in the 90s while also being directionally challenged. Was that part of the hiring process, memorizing directions for when customers came in angry or crying because they were lost? Not knowing where you were going before the invention of the internet was also a bit of a brain exercise laced with exposure therapy for those with anxiety. There were no cell phones so if you were lost no one who cared about you would know until you could find a payphone to check in. Imagine that!

The world is so overly connected today that the idea of not being able to simply share your location with loved ones and "Ask Siri" when you've gotten turned around on your route seems dystopian.


google maps, gps, driving, wildfires, maps, gen x, gen zGoogle Maps shows crucial information about natural disasters like wildfiresGiphy

But in actuality, if you took a few teens from 1993 and plopped them into 2024 they'd think they were living inside of a sci-fi movie awaiting aliens to invade.

Technology has made our lives infinitely easier and nearly unrecognizable from the future most could've imagined before the year 2000, so it's not Gen Z's fault that they're unaware of how the "before times" were. They're simply a product of their generation.

Some would say that having a rough geographical understanding of your local area, aka being able to navigate around without GPS, is a lost art that kept our brains and wits sharper. On the other hand, using Google Maps even for simple trips to everyday stops helps us avoid accidents and traffic and give people our near-exact ETA. It also delivers crucial real-time information about wildfires, natural disasters, and more. Who's to say if one way is really better or worse?

This article originally appeared one year ago.

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Animals & Wildlife

Why have we domesticated some animals but not others? It comes down to four F's.

An entertaining video explains why we can't ride zebras or breed "war bears."

Photo credit: Canva

Horses were domesticated over 5,000 years ago. Zebras, never.

Humans have domesticated several kinds of animals over the millennia, from trusty horses and mules to livestock for milk and meat to our favorite furry companions. But why those specific animals and not others? What is it that led us to those particular choices? Why can we ride horses but not zebras? Why don't we purposefully breed "war bears" to fight for us?

That last question comes straight from the always-interesting and often-hilarious CGP Grey, whose YouTube videos explore all kinds of things we wonder about but don't necessarily take the time to research. In the video "Why Some Animals Can't Be Domesticated," Grey explains the four main elements that make an animal a good candidate for domestication, which excludes bears (and many others) from the list.

Grey alliterated the four elements to make them easier to remember: Friendly, Feedable, Fecund, and Family-Friendly. Let's dig into what those mean.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Domestication requirement #1: Friendly

This one is fairly self-explanatory, but basically an animal has to not post an inherent, immediate threat. We have to be able to catch them if we're going to domesticate them, so that eliminates all of the "carnivores whose day job is murder" as Grey puts it, as well as the large, nervous prey animals that are too afraid of us to let us get anywhere near them.

wild animals, domesticated animals, gazelleGood luck trying to catch a gazelle.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #2: Feedable

Every animals is feedable, of course, but that doesn't mean it's easy or cheap to feed them, especially in large numbers. This category pretty much eliminates pure carnivores and some omnivores, leaving mostly herbivores (and some unpicky omnivores) that are easy and cheap to feed. And that aren't dangerous (see #1).

wild animals, domesticated animals, chickens, chicken feedChickens will eat just about anything.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #3: Fecund

This requirement is all about breeding and babies. Some animals are extremely slow to breed, like pandas and elephants, making them undesirable candidates for domestication. Animals that have mate frequently and have relatively short gestation times and/or large litters are more suited to domesticated life. They also need to grow up quickly, which also takes elephants out of the pool.

However, as Grey points out, humans can still tame other animals like elephants. But taming is not the same as domesticating. The basic rule is: If it's on a farm, it's domesticated. If it's in a circus, it's tamed.

Domestication requirement #4: Family-friendly

This is where the horses and zebras question comes in. Horses were domesticated in Eurasia, but if humans started in Africa, why weren't zebras domesticated first? Grey explains that while horses tend to live in hierarchical herds, zebra are more independent with no family structure. Humans can capture the lead male horse and get the rest of the herd to fall in line. Zebra herds are more of a free-for-all and they're kind of jerks to even one another.

horses, zebras, domesticated animals, wild animalsThere's actually a big difference between horses and zebras besides just the stripes.Photo credit: Canva

Barnyard animals have inherent family structures that humans have figured out how to fit into. These animals learn to see the humans who own them as a lead cow or top chicken or whatever.

Way back in the hunter-gatherer age, when humans were just figuring out animal domestication, animals had to have all four of these requirements. Today, we have the ability and technology to domesticate more animals if we want to, but we also have less of a need to. Some breeds of foxes have recently been domesticated, bred to be friendly with humans. How fun would it be to have a pet fox?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Technically, a lot more animals could be domesticated if people really wanted to put in multiple human lifetimes of time and effort, but why?

You can follow CGP Grey on YouTube for more fun and informative videos.

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Science

William Shatner describes the incredible pain he felt when he finally went into orbit

He had a profound experience of the "overview effect."

"William Shatner" by Gage Skidmore is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

William Shatner's trip to space wasn't what he expected.

Statistically speaking, the number of humans who have traveled into space is insignificant. But the experience of leaving our home planet and venturing into the great beyond is incredibly significant for the individuals who have actually done it. One of those fortunate humans is actor William Shatner, who spent three years pretending to hurtle through space in his iconic role as Captain James T. Kirk on the original Star Trek series. As captain of the USS Enterprise, Captain Kirk was dedicated to exploring "strange new worlds," seeking out "new life and new civilizations," and boldly going "where no man has gone before."

Naturally, Shatner has spent a lot of time pondering what it would be like to actually experience leaving Earth, and when he took the opportunity to join Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin trip to space in October 2021 at age 90, he was able to compare how his expectations met up with reality. Shatner shared an excerpt from his new book with Variety, and it reveals that his initial reaction to being in space was surprisingly dark.


jeff bezos, blur origin, 2019, william shatner, space, astronauts, amazonJeff Bezos unveils Blue Origin's prototype lunar lander in 2019.via Daniel Oberhaus/Wikimedia Commons

"I love the mystery of the universe," Shatner wrote. "I love all the questions that have come to us over thousands of years of exploration and hypotheses. Stars exploding years ago, their light traveling to us years later; black holes absorbing energy; satellites showing us entire galaxies in areas thought to be devoid of matter entirely… all of that has thrilled me for years…"

However, as he looked out the window of the spacecraft—a real one, not a screen on a film set—and looked in the direction opposite Earth, "there was no mystery, no majestic awe to behold," he wrote. "All I saw was death. I saw a cold, dark, black emptiness. It was unlike any blackness you can see or feel on Earth. It was deep, enveloping, all-encompassing."

As he turned back toward "the light of home," he saw the opposite. "I could see the curvature of Earth, the beige of the desert, the white of the clouds and the blue of the sky. It was life. Nurturing, sustaining, life. Mother Earth. Gaia. And I was leaving her."

Then he had a stunning revelation: "Everything I had thought was wrong. Everything I had expected to see was wrong."



Again, this is a man who has spent much of his life thinking about space—not as an astronaut or astronomer or astrophysicist, but as a human being stuck on the Earth's surface, struck with wonder about what's out there. He explained what he had been wrong about:

"I had thought that going into space would be the ultimate catharsis of that connection I had been looking for between all living things—that being up there would be the next beautiful step to understanding the harmony of the universe. In the film 'Contact,' when Jodie Foster’s character goes to space and looks out into the heavens, she lets out an astonished whisper, 'They should’ve sent a poet.' I had a different experience, because I discovered that the beauty isn’t out there, it’s down here, with all of us. Leaving that behind made my connection to our tiny planet even more profound.

"It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered. The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna . . . things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind. It filled me with dread. My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration; instead, it felt like a funeral."

Shatner explained how this "sense of the planet’s fragility takes hold in an ineffable, instinctive manner" for many astronauts when they view Earth from orbit. It's part of the "overview effect"—the profound shift in perspective that comes with seeing our collective home from a distance. With no visible borders between nations or peoples, it becomes clear that our divisions are all manmade, which can change the way we view humanity as a whole.


The experience left Shatner with renewed conviction to focus on what we share in common.

"It reinforced tenfold my own view on the power of our beautiful, mysterious collective human entanglement," he wrote, "and eventually, it returned a feeling of hope to my heart. In this insignificance we share, we have one gift that other species perhaps do not: we are aware—not only of our insignificance, but the grandeur around us that makes us insignificant. That allows us perhaps a chance to rededicate ourselves to our planet, to each other, to life and love all around us. If we seize that chance."

Upon returning to Earth, Bezos offered Shatner champagne, but he turned down the offer because he needed a moment to collect his thoughts on what he had just experienced. He told Jimmy Fallon onThe Tonight Show that the trip gave him a moment to reflect on his life. "What's equally important is caring, loving, the planet is going to be inundated, unless we do something about it," he told Fallon. "All the deep things that we should be thinking about, every so often, we need to be reminded. And that moonshot, that did it to me."

- YouTubeyoutu.be


Just beautiful. Since most of us will never leave Earth, we can take inspiration from those who have, acknowledge our essential oneness and do everything in our power to protect our beautiful, life-giving home.

Shatner shares more of his reflections on life on this planet and beyond in his most recent book, "Boldly Go: Reflections on a Life of Awe and Wonder."

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Joy

Golden Retriever has the absolute sweetest reaction to toddler taking her first steps

Taco was SO excited that he and his best bud were going to get to play together.

Photo by Stephen Andrews on Unsplash

Golden Retriever energy plus toddler energy equals the greatest combo ever.

Here at Upworthy, we often look for stories that will make you smile and warm your heart, and few things do that more quickly than a good doggo and an adorable kiddo. So when we ran across a ridiculously sweet story on The Dodo about a Golden Retriever and his little human sister, we simply had to share it. Taco (full name Taco Bell—seriously) is a good boy who had been lovingly waiting for his new baby sister, Vanora, to be able to play with him. And when the day finally came? Oh. My. Goodness.

Claudia Hughes is the proud mom of the furry pup and his squishy human sibling. She told The Dodo that Taco had been smitten with Vanora ever since she came home from the hospital. “When we would lay her down on the floor or our bed, Taco would just lay down next to her,” Hughes said. That’s one attentive pup. Pet parents know there’s nothing more comforting than your fur baby looking out for your human baby, and Taco has been the ideal gentle watchdog.

Hughes told The Dodo that the pooch would even get up for late-night feedings. Now that’s just beyond sweet. It’s no wonder the pup was itching for his playmate to get big enough to actually play with, and his reaction to his doggy dreams coming true is pure joy. The video of 3-year-old Taco seeing his toddler sibling taking some of her first steps has amassed more than 2 million likes on TikTok. Finally his sister can run around with him! Finally he can teach her the fun of having a dog for a big brother! Finally he gets to play! At least, that’s what I think he was thinking from his excited reaction.

And how do we know dogs are excited? Well, they get the zoomies, and if you’ve never been able to witness the absolute unadulterated joy of the zoomies, just check out his reaction in the video. It's like he's silently screaming, “I’m so excited!!!”

@mostlyadorable

It’s fun having each other 🐾👶🏻. #dogsandbabies #goldensandbabies #babiesoftiktok #dogsoftiktokviral #SmoothLikeNitroPepsi

According to Hughes, Taco first started getting excited when he saw Vanora take steps in her walker, and more so when he saw her pushing the walker. But his excitement went off the charts when she could actually take steps unassisted. Don’t worry though, he was sure to keep his distance so as not to knock her down. He’s such a good doggy brother. Hughes told The Dodo, “We have shown Vanora that we hug Taco, we pet him gently and we give him kisses on his head.” She went on to say, “But if we get mad at him, we don’t hit him.”

golden retriever, dog, pets, good doggoSuch a good doggo.Photo credit: Canva

It looks like both Taco and Vanora have learned important lessons in kindness. Since the video of Taco's "Yay, she's walking!" zoomies went viral, the two have continued to be best pals. Now 4 years old, Vanora has perfected the art of throwing the ball for Taco to fetch, having practiced since she was barely able to walk.

A family dog can be a source of joyful companionship for all, but sometimes a special bond is formed between a child and a pup. It's clear that Taco and Vanora have that bond, which hopefully both with enjoy for many more years. Golden Retrievers come by their friendly, fun-loving, gentle reputation honestly, and it's just delightful to see that energy in action.

You can follow @_mostlyadorable_ and @tacothepolarpup on Instagram for more sweet photos and videos of Taco the good doggo and his family.

This article originally appeared three years ago and has been updated.

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