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Stepmom makes bold move after being pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby

It ignited a powerful conversation about what a grandparent's responsibilities really are.

Photo credit: Canva

Folks wholeheartedly agreed with her decision.

What is a grandparent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? This is a question with a billion different answers, depending on who you ask, and one that can lead to a lot of conflict within a family.

Some grandparents want to take on an active role in their grandkid's lives, which can lead to unsolicited visits and other forms of boundary crossing. Others feel that their child rearing days are over, and that they've earned the right to take on less responsibility, which can also lead to stress and hurt feelings.

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum further complicated this conundrum, since the woman at the center of the controversy was a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15 (Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10). The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

stepgrandparents, grandparents, grandparent problems, child support, stepmomWhen parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?Photo credit: Canva

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties. The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent. Portland, OR is part of a very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

stepgrandparents, grandparents, grandparent problems, child support, stepmom, single mom"Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was."Photo credit: Canva

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

stepgrandparents, grandparents, grandparent problems, child support, stepmom"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby."Photo credit: Canva

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," one person wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," another added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's, saying " Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money."

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Dad's 7-week paternity leave after birth of second child changes his entire parenting outlook

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

Dad's paternity leave was eye-opening.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone while also tending to a newborn. All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties (Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Now that's equity!).

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.” This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear, his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

dad, baby, parenting, paternity leave, fatherhood, parenthoodBaby sleeping in Dad's arms.Image via Canva

“It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.”

He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.

“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says.

You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture.

@ustheremingtons

I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí 👊 Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife

Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the house cleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.

Doing his fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.”

cleaning, housework, parenting, parents, chores, kidsFor some households, one's fair share can be the bare minimum.

“It has taken multiple conversations—and many ongoing ones—to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home,” Remington shares, noting that communication really is key.

Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required.

“I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says. These are definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.

Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives. What's more, research has shown that paternity leave can actually aid Dad's brains in adapting to parenthood, according to Harvard Business Review.

Today, things have slowed down and revved up as both Remington kids are a little older. What hasn't changed, though, is what everyone learned from those seven weeks of paternity leave: having time to be with one's family, especially during crucial moments of growth and hardship, can make a world of difference. And, one thing's for sure: the Remingtons are committed to figuring it all out with love and grace (and it looks like they're doing great).

@ustheremingtons

Send us all the Bend, OR fooddddiee spots please! Little roadtrip to the mountains so our babies can enjoy the snow 🫰#roadtrip #bend #bendoregon #familytime #familyfun #snow #snowday #toddlerhood #toddlerlife #momanddad #roadtrips #snowfall #fyp #relatable


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Why Gen X—'the forgotten generation'—might just make the best grandparents

Those latchkey kid qualities will come in clutch as we enter this stage of life.

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Gen Xers will be the coolest grandparents ever.

Generation X came of age with The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, fought our way through the young adult years with Reality Bites and Friends, and managed the madness of middle age with Modern Family and The Office.

Now the "MTV generation" (yes, we really have been defined by our entertainment as much as anything else) is hitting a new life milestone as our kids start having babies. That's right, Gen Xers are becoming grandparents. The Brat Pack are turning into "The Golden Girls." Seems unreal, yet here we are.

pretty in pink, 80s, john hughes, coming of age, film, breakfast clubThe Breakfast Club is having grandbabies.Giphy

But no need to fret too much, slackers, because Gen X is not destined to be typical grandparents. We've already begun to establish that fact with our resistance to being called Grandma or Grandpa or any variation thereof. Gen X wants its own nicknames to match our unconventional, non-conformist vibe. Call us Bubs and Gigi. Popo and Yaya. Skipper and Queenie. Anything but Gramps and Gran, please.

We need cool nicknames because Gen Xers will inevitably be the coolest grandparents ever. After all, we're the coolest generation. It's just a fact. Everyone knows it.

cool, genx, generation x, grandparents, cool kidsEveryone knows it.Giphy

But for those who doubt, here's what makes "the forgotten generation" custom-made for grandparenthood:

Gen X is practical and resourceful

Grandkid got a bean stuck up their nose? Gen X won't panic. We've seen it all and we're excellent problem solvers. There's no grandkid shenanigan we can't handle. Think of all the stuff we had to figure out by ourselves when we were growing up and how we can pass those skills down to the grandkids. They're going to be shocked by what we're able to do.

Gen X is resilient but caring

We hear a lot about pendulum swings when it comes to parenting, and Gen X hasn't been immune to that phenomenon. The benign (and sometimes not-so-benign) neglect many Gen Xers experienced as kids may have led to some overprotectiveness and hovering in our own parenting styles, but we've learned a lot from both methods. We know that hardship builds character, but so do hugs. We've learned the balance of toughness and tenderness, so when the grandkid falls down, we'll encourage them to dust themselves off, give them a quick squeeze, and send them right back to the playground.

ferris bueller, dance, genx, generations, grandparentsMatthew Broderick Dancing GIFGiphy

Gen X is in tune with our inner child

If any generation has done the work of healing our inner child, it's Gen X. At least, let's hope most have. We've had a lot of decades now to come to terms with our upbringing, to heal the hurt parts, and to remember the joy and wonder of those 70s and 80s childhoods. Who better to hang out with the grandkids? We'll take them to the park and show them how to jump off the swing. We'll take them exploring in nature, make a picnic under a tree, and feel the grass between our toes. And we will thoroughly love it as it reminds us of our own childhoods.

Gen X is adaptable and tech-savvy

As the generation that didn't grow up with the Internet but raised kids who did, Gen X has had to adapt to all kinds of new, wonderful, and terrifying technologies in our parenting journeys. As a result, we can help out when the grandkids have some newfangled devices with unforeseen issues that their parents have no clue about. We've been there and done that and have the scars to prove it. Hopefully our adaptability will rub off on the younger set.

genx, say anything, tech, savvy, grandparentsGIF by moodmanGiphy

Gen X values work-life balance

We may not really be at retirement age yet, but Gen X is dialed in on work-life balance. We've got time for the grandkids because we make time for the grandkids. The rat race always got a cynical side eye from Gen X, and even those who've found success in the professional world aren't willing to sacrifice family for the company's bottom line. We'll make some sacrifices to give the grandkids some valuable real-life experiences, and we can teach them what really matters in life in the process.

In other words, Gen X is going to rock grandparenthood, shedding the stereotypes of older generations. We haven't done any other part of life according to the standard rules, and we're definitely not going to start now. We'll be writing our own grandparent playbook as we go, and our grandkids will be all the better for it.

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Woman arranges dream wedding at hospital so her mom can walk her down the aisle

She and her fiancé planned the whole thing in just 2 weeks to make sure Mom could be there.

Canva Photos

A dream wedding is something many people fantasize about from the time they're young kids. Beyond the flowers and the dress and the table settings, we all like to envision it as a day of joy spent surrounded by the most important people in our lives; our parents being chief among them

An adult child's wedding day is an incredibly emotional milestone for any parent. In many ways it's the final stop on a long journey, in which you entrust someone else to become your child's primary caretaker. When you really stop and think about it that way, it's no wonder even the most stoic moms and dads cry like babies at their kids' weddings!

One woman is going viral for highlighting just how important it is to include Mom and Dad. She recently shared tear-jerking footage from her wedding, held at a hospital so both of her parents could be in attendance.


Giphy

Dominique Faludi got engaged to her fiance, Tom, and was exciting to dive into planning her dream wedding. But her mother's declining health made the usual wedding timeline a lot more complicated. The idea of potentially getting married without her mother there just wasn't acceptable for Faludi.

So she and her fiancé decided to do something drastic. Not only did they choose to have the wedding at the hospital where her mom was being treated, they dramatically sped up the process, throwing the entire thing together in just two weeks. Miraculously, the couple pulled it off, with stunning decor and a full audience of beloved family members in attendance — many of whom had never met! It was all a whirlwind, but it's hard to argue with the finished product.

Most important, Faludi's mother got to share an incredible moment with the bride-to-be in her hospital room, where Faludi did a surprise dress reveal. The moment was full of tears and smiles and all the love that you'd expect.

"Getting married at the hospital to have my parents walk my down the aisle was the best decision we’ve ever mad," Faludi wrote in the caption.

Watch the highlights from the special day here:

@dominiquelissa

Getting married at the hospital to have my parents walk my down the aisle was the best decision we’ve ever made🥹 cherishing these moments of joy right now.

People were incredibly moved by the footage, and by Faludi's dedication to remembering what a wedding is really all about.

Over five million people watched Faludi's clips from the wedding and surprise dress reveal. Commenters couldn't get enough:

"You and your husband are the absolute blueprint for what what marriage means and a shining light for what the day means to family. Thank you for sharing."

"As a mama. I am balling my eyes out watching this"

"I’m a wedding photographer— so many people get wrapped up in the decor and colors and so many fun things; but this is what it’s about"

"It never matters where you get married. But it always matters who’s there to share that moment."

Faludi's stunning wedding is an amazing reminder. With wedding costs ballooning completely out of control (the average wedding in the U.S. costs over $30,000), and venues and destinations and experiences becoming more and more extravagant with each passing decade, it's worth pausing to remember that the aesthetics aren't what's really important. What really matters is the people who show up. Your partner, of course, but trusted friends and closest family are just as vital. Some studies have indicated that as the cost of a wedding rises, so does the likelihood of divorce. It could be because the people who love each other the most and have a strong network of loved ones don't get nearly as caught up in the Instagrammable-ness of the wedding as some other couples might.

@dominiquelissa

Grwm & chat all things engagement and getting married in 4 days! Eeeep #engagementstory #wedding #grwm

"Whatever flowers I got, that's fine. The dress, I kind of knew what I wanted and it's perfect," Faludi said in another video. "I'm just trying to keep it all together and say yes to everything my mom wants because it is my day, but it also is her day because her whole life she's been waiting to walk me down the aisle."

Mission accomplished!

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