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Fatherhood

via Canva/Photos and Tod Perry

A veteran leaves a kind note for a dad at breakfast.

Being a parent is a hard job, and there are many differing opinions on how to raise a child. Plus, every child is so different that knowing you’re doing the right thing can be challenging. That’s why even the best parent in the world can use a little reassurance from time to time. There’s no better example than a recent story out of Fort Worth, Texas.

Dr. J. Mack Slaughter, 41, was having breakfast at Mimi's Cafe with his three young kids and wife. When it came time to pay the bill, the server told him the $85.21 had already been paid by another customer. When they gave him the bill, there was a note on the front: “Thank You For Being A Great Dad," with a hand-drawn smiley face.

“We need more men like you.”

When Slaughter flipped it over, he found another note on the back:

"From a dad to a dad. Thank you for being the dad they need you to be regardless of who’s watching. We need more men like you. Thank you for letting us all see your love for them all.

From,

A retired Army medic"


“I couldn’t control my tears. There was nobody watching for my reaction—(as) the person was already gone. It was just pure kindness,” Slaughter told SWNS. He had been playing a dot game with his kids while they ate and had no idea he was being observed from afar. “Man, this hit me right in the feels!” he later wrote on Instagram. “Random acts of kindness are SO POWERFUL!!! My entire day is changed, maybe my whole month?? I’m just so awesomely aware of the good that exists in complete strangers.”

Every parent could use some reassurance.

The kind gesture was also a great example for Slaughter’s children. “Once I composed myself and explained to my kids why I was crying happy tears, my daughter asked me, 'Dad, who should WE bless today?’” Slaughter wrote. The note also reassured Slaughter who, as an ER doctor, he sees a lot of tragedy. “I see some of the most terrible things in the world, but this reminded me that complete strangers can do miraculous, beautiful things when you least expect it,” he told SWNS.

The generous veteran probably had no idea, but he offered kindness to someone who knew something about giving back. Slaughter founded a nonprofit called Music Meets Medicine, which raises money to donate instruments and instructional time to children with chronic conditions.

The emergency room doctor once had a music career as a member of, Sons of Harmony, as a pop group that opened for big-name acts, including Destiny’s Child and Jessica Simpson.


Sluaghter’s story is a wonderful example of how, even though you may not know it when it’s happening, people out there notice when they see parents going above and beyond. Slaughter could have been looking at his phone, or his children could have been on iPads during breakfast. But instead, he was engaged with his kids, making the most out of their time together, and that is what being a dad is all about.

“I guess I’ll never know who did this or be able to thank them in person, but I promise to double down on being the best damn father I can possibly be,” Slaughter wrote on Instagram. “Parents, don’t you dare fake it, but I’m keeping my eye out for my chance to pay this forward.”

What do you think this helicopter pancake ACTUALLY looks like?

The things we do for our children. A dad on Reddit was asked by his child to make a helicopter pancake for breakfast and he took a picture of the result. His culinary art piece was… well, it was something. It was so bad that he asked fellow dads to roast his work to get a good laugh. The comments were hilariously brutal:

“How can we roast your helicopter pancake when there isn’t anything helicopter shaped in the photo?”

“Interesting choice to make a helicopter after it's already crashed.”

“Dad, that’s a NSFW pancake you’re serving.”

“Looked like a rabbit breakdancing to me.”

“I see Papa Smurf, but yeah, I could also understand bunny.”

“I mean, I see a bunny with a schlong but yeah, helicopter. 😂”

“I thought it was a guy in a sombrero.”

“Klingon bird of prey.”

“Stick to Mickey Mouse, bud.”

Making pancakes"Why couldn't they have asked for a circle, planet, or wheels?"Photo credit: Canva

While it was a bunch of playful ribbing and the poster knew his attempt at a helicopter pancake was subpar at best, another dad started a different thread praising him and his work.

A comparison between a cartoon helicopter and a pancake shaped like one.Pictured: Dads supporting dadsPhoto credit: Reddit

While putting a comparison photo of a cartoon helicopter next the picture of the wonky pancake, the supportive dad tacked on to the post “Arnold would be proud,” referencing the often imitated and quoted line “GET TO THE CHOPPAH!” from the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Predator.

i.imgur.com

Other dads added to the support:

“Nailed it.”

“Kids care that you try, and that you pay attention to them.”

“That’s what matters most. :)”

According to a 2024 study at Penn State University, parents that are able to laugh at themselves and have a good sense of humor alongside their kids tend to have better relationships with them and better bonds. This is because younger kids see that mom and dad make mistakes and can laugh at them, not making it a big deal. This allows kids to cut themselves a little bit of slack when they misfire during an honest attempt at a task. Being of good humor also lets kids feel able to approach their parents when they make a mistake, trusting that their confession won’t be met with outright anger.

A girl and her dad making silly facesIt's actually good to look silly and laugh at yourself in front of your kids.Photo credit: Canva

“Parents need to be able to laugh at themselves to let go and not take life too seriously,” said family therapist Katie Ziskind to ParentMap. “If a parent gets overwhelmed and anxious, their child will also take on this anxiety and [become] overwhelmed. If you can laugh at yourself as a parent, you and your child will be much better off!”

Ziskind went on to say that laughing at your shortcomings, like making a helicopter pancake that actually looks like a melted dough claw hammer, can teach good behavior along with bringing light and laughter to breakfast time.

“Laughter can be a tool to get through tension and stress, so by modeling this behavior, you’re doing your child a world of good. By laughing, you’re teaching your child to stay positive.”

As both sets of dads have shown, it’s good to be able to laugh at your foibles but also just do your best for your kids. It sets a good example for them while also providing a bit of extra fun into day-to-day life. And on the internet, for that matter.

Family

Dads bond over the books and movies that “destroy” them now that they have kids

The Road by Cormac McCarthy hits different after fatherhood.

Some media can impact you differently when you become a father

Have you ever revisited a favorite book or a movie and your reaction to it is different than it was before? Or you finally got to read or watch something you’ve been looking forward to for years, only to realize “wow, I’m taking this harder than I thought”? This dad on Reddit shared his experience when he finished the post-apocalyptic science-fiction book The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The Road is known for being a very bleak story featuring a father and son trying to survive a cruel world rife with cannibalism and other heinous acts. He asked fellow fathers for their thoughts.

“I just finished reading The Road. Jesus! I thought I knew what I was getting into. I had no idea how emotionally devastating it would be! Are there any other books that killed you after having a kid?” Other fathers jumped in with their recent literary experiences that left them “destroyed”:

“Just read it (The Road) a few months ago - I couldn’t help but picture my son and myself in every scene 😢”

Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. Absolutely broke me.”

“Simple one, but The Giving Tree. Crushes me every time.”

“The introduction to Appetites by Anthony Bourdain brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. He writes so beautifully about becoming a father late in life and wanting to be there for his kid, and that's difficult to read when you know what happened later.”

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance f**ked me up now that I’m a dad.”

Dad reading to daughter on his lap next to an image of the book cover for The Giving TreeEven books meant for children can be more emotionally impactful for dads than non-dads.Photo credit: Canva/Shel Silverstein

Other dads discussed movies and other media that they view differently now that they’re fathers.

Pet Sematery. I felt that dad’s pain in my soul.”

Trainspotting. The whole Baby Dawn storyline. F**k.”

“Nobody mentioned videogames. Death Stranding hits harder after becoming a parent.”

So what’s the deal here? Some of these men could probably fall asleep on the couch watching slasher films before they had kids. What gives?

A scene from Trainspotting and a man hiding behind a movie theater seat.Don't look up "baby scene from Trainspotting" on YouTube if you're a parent.Photo credit: Polygram Entertainment/Canva

Well, it’s because they’re a different person than they were. Literally! Psychologists and doctors state that men who become fathers go through hormonal changes that alters their brain chemistry. They tend to have less testosterone than childless men, not because they’re weak or such nonsense, but researchers believe it lessens because the man has achieved the primal brained goal of breeding. Testosterone helps direct the sex drive within men that also eggs on aggressive behaviors in order to compete against others to attract a mate. Once that goal is accomplished, the brain figures that the male doesn’t need as much testosterone anymore.

Along with that, new fathers get a boost of oxytocin and dopamine that is usually curbed by the presence of abundant testosterone. These two hormones reward men with “feel good” chemicals when they physically cuddle and bond with their youngsters along with just being more chill and empathetic in general.

This isn’t to say that these men didn’t feel something when reading about or seeing a child in danger during their childless media consumption. They’re not sociopaths in the least. But because of the hormonal differences after having a kid, those violent or traumatic moments in a book, film, TV show, or video game hit much, much harder. In many ways, these fathers could be actually stronger in that they’re able to feel and endure more of the emotional weight of not only the cruel actions of certain characters in the entertainment they consume, but the weight of their own decisions in their real lives, too.

Dad hugging daughterPictured: StrengthPhoto credit: Canva

It makes them built for parenthood since their brains are altering to ones that can better protect their offspring, making them more alert to the needs of their families due to increased empathy along with being chill and less frustrated when teaching their children something like potty training. It also makes the small good stuff like a hug or kiss from you kid explode your feel-good sensors in your brain, tenfold. It also makes the dark stuff feel darker and the heinous stuff even more heinous. Depending on how you feel about that, it could make you reconsider some media choices or feel even more intrigued about them.

So if you become a dad and choose to revisit some darker media, get prepared. You might be impacted or appreciate a work differently than you did the first time.

Derek Owens & Natalie Kinnear/Unsplash

Any dad who has young kids knows you can't take them anywhere without being complimented by strangers. It could be the park, the grocery store, or a foreign country. Anywhere you go, you're bound to hear it: "What a great dad, look at you! These kids are so lucky."

Don't get me wrong, the compliments feel amazing! It's only later that you stop and think how weird it is to get praised for doing the absolute bare minimum. Just being physically present and near your children is enough to be called a great dad, apparently. Dads are taking to social media to talk about this strange phenomenon. In a viral social media thread, guys are sharing simple, mundane moments with their kids when strangers pulled them aside to tell them how amazing they were doing.

1. Playing dress up

Wearing a funny hat, a wig, or letting your daughters paint your nails is about one of the easiest, silliest things you could possibly do. Yet it's often found worthy of praise!

"Yesterday we had my daughter's birthday at an indoor playground. She got a very nice tiara from her grandma that she wore to the party and looked like a princess. We went into the play area and she took it off and handed it to me so she wouldn't break it. I just put it on my head because, where else does a tiara go. Completely forgot about it. 15 minutes later some mom and grandma come sit next to us and instantly look at me. The grandma asks what bet I lost to have to wear it in public. I laughed and said being a dad. The mom then praised me for being a good dad, her husband wouldn't never do that, especially in public. They were so impressed that I wasn't ashamed or something," one Redditor wrote.

2. Changing a diaper

baby with diaper inside crib Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

Changing a baby's diapers is like parenting 101. It's a fundamental task of the first couple of years. Yet it's sadly way too common (especially in generations past) for dads to opt out completely.

"I have a 7 week old as of Friday and my in laws were impressed that I feed and change her. I was like seriously. Feels like a basic thing," another dad wrote.

3. Feeding

Ditto on feeding. Are you really a "great dad" for giving your baby a bottle? Or are you just doing the basics?

"When my daughter was about six months old we flew to CA for my grandma’s 95th birthday. At some point I was sitting feeding her a bottle and my dad asked my Grandma what she thought seeing me feeding my daughter. She said it was nice because she’s never seen a dad do that before," a dad said in the thread.

4. Literally just talking to children

A man having any positive interaction at all with young children? *applause*

"Sometimes people will tell me that they think I'll be such a good dad, simply because at family functions, I will sit there and talk to the kids and listen to their goofy kid stories and play with them. I only do it because people did it for me when I was young and I feel like it helped make me more personable and confident in talking to people. ... I don't feel like it's anything special, but apparently that's the mark of a good dad," another guy added.

5. Grocery shopping with the kids

Not only is it apparently unheard of for a dad to take the kids out in public alone, but to buy groceries for the family? Incredible!

"I take my kids to the grocery store all the time. Every time I do some old boomer lady wants to throw me a parade cause her husband / father / grandfather would never do those things," one dad noticed.

6. Cooking

man cutting vegetables Photo by Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

If you're a dad and you can make anything other than Kraft mac n' cheese, you may be eligible for a major international award.

A mom chimed in on this one to say, "Mom here. But this is what my husband does every week with our daughter. He does most the cooking. Because he is much better at it. He also is far better at sticking to the grocery list than me. ... But this one definitely gets the two of them plenty of comments about how wonderful he is to take care of his child."

7. Doing laundry and cleaning

Didn't you know that laundry and cleaning are 'woman's work'? If any dad lifts a finger in this area, he's automatically a hero.

"My wife was out of town three days and nights this past weekend, and my mother came over to see the kids. She heard the washing machine and asked what that noise was; I said I was doing laundry. She said, 'You're doing laundry and everything else for them?' Like, yeah. [What] do you mean? Kids will wear soiled underwear and not eat dinner?" one dad wrote.

8. Playing with kids at the park

Going to the park is the easiest, laziest way to get the kids out of the house and off your case for a while.

"Even just taking them to the park, I get a lot of 'oh my husband would never take them to the park he couldn't handle it.' You just gotta show up and be present," a father noted.

9. Going on vacation with the kids alone

To be fair, this one is a lot of work and is definitely a sign of a capable dad! But moms do this kind of thing all the time and rarely get a word of praise for it.

"I’m a full time single dad. I took my daughter to Florida last summer. At a water park, my little girl made friends with a couple other kids. The other kids mom asked me where my daughter’s mom was, I told her we were divorced. She was shocked that I had taken my daughter on vacation all by myself with no help from mom. The vibe she gave off about it kind of pissed me off," another dad said.

10. Showing up to practice

Taking kids to swim or soccer practice, while hectic on the schedule, is pretty easy! Usually you just have to sit there and read a book or catch up on work for an hour.

"I get so much credit from mums around me because I'm at all the dance classes and performances," one dad begrudgingly noticed.

11. Doing bedtime

When people tell me I'm an amazing dad for brushing my kids' teeth and reading them a story, what they don't know is I'm really just trying to get them to bed so I can relax.

boy in blue shirt brushing teeth Photo by Shalev Cohen on Unsplash

"I took my kids down to visit my sister last year for a few days; my mam is staying with her and the kids love their granny. The wife stayed home because our dog was sick, so I was flying solo. Bedtime came, and I'm going through the routine we've had since they were born - teeth brushed, washed and dressed, then bed. They're 13 and 10, so they know the drill, I was just reminding them offhandedly as they were running around her house. My sister turns to me and says, 'you're a good dad; our dad wouldn't have bothered doing any of that,'" a dad wrote.

12. Being involved in medical emergencies

"My 1yo son was in the hospital for a couple days after getting the flu and RSV which set off his asthma. I got called a good dad for being in the hospital with him overnight. The bar is way too low," a baffled father wrote.

I mean, where else would you be?!

13. "Babysitting"

If you're out flying solo with the kids, you must be giving mom a break. Kudos to you for keeping everyone alive until the boss gets back!

"The number of positive compliments I received for 'babysitting' my daughter when simply walking her in the pram was astounding. It happened almost every day?!" a dad said.

You can look at this phenomenon as a good thing. Dads spend more time with their kids than in the past, that's just a fact. Overall, we're more hands-on, more nurturing, and more involved. People, especially from older generations, aren't used to seeing it just yet and can't help but be impressed. That's a good thing and a sign of positive change!

But there is a dark side to these well-meaning compliments. At times they can feel backhanded, like they stem from a very low opinion of what dads are actually capable of. Wow you put your little girl's hair in a ponytail all by yourself without mom's help, amazing! Dads can sometimes be treated like stand-in or temporary caretakers, just holding down the fort until mom can get there. For fathers who really want to do their best, that's not a good feeling.

We just have to keep raising the bar little by little, generation by generation, until people stop being surprised when they see a dad doing a half-decent job.