Some folks chit-chatting at a party.
Making small talk with someone you don’t know very well can cause a lot of anxiety. What if you get stuck in a boring conversation about the weather? What if the conversation loses momentum and you both stand there silently? What if the person thinks that you’re boring?
Psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph. D., has some great advice to make you feel better equipped to talk with a stranger at a party or on a first date. The big takeaway is that people will find you interesting, not necessarily because of what you say but how you make them feel. Vilhauer says that curiosity is one of the most vital conversation skills most people don’t consider.
Vilahuer is the developer of Future Directed Therapy (FDT) and author of the best-selling “Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind's Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life.”
What’s the best way to make small talk?
“One of the most underrated skills that can transform your dating life is curiosity,” Vilhauer writes in Psychology Today. “Not only does curiosity provide you with important information and make you a better conversationalist, but it also signals interest, openness and emotional intelligence—qualities that create deeper relationships.”
The funny thing is that, according to Vilhauer, most people aren’t taking advantage of this conversation superpower.
“It is surprising how many people report going on dates where the other person only talks about themself,” Vilhauer continues. “The talker might be having a great time because they enjoy being listened to. The other person, however, feels like the talker is disinterested, and he/she is probably quickly losing interest, too. Dating someone who doesn’t ask questions can feel like talking to a wall. Everyone, no matter who they are, has a story and wants to be understood.”
The key to being curious in a conversation is to ask plenty of open-ended questions that encourage the person to give a detailed response. If you’re talking to someone and they say, “I was born in Omaha, Nebraska.” Don’t counter with, “Great, I was born in Milwaukee.” The best thing to say is, “That’s cool. What did you like about Omaha?” or “Do you miss living in the Midwest?”
Here are some examples of open-ended questions that make you appear courteous.
“How did that make you feel?”
“What are they like?” (When they bring up a person from their life.)
“What’s your favorite memory of (thing from the past they discussed)?”
“What did you do next?”
If you show that you are genuinely curious, the person you’re talking to will take a shine to you because people enjoy sharing about themselves. They’ll also appreciate that you took the time to get to know them. Even if they spoke most of the conversation, they’d go home thinking, “Wow. They were really interesting.”
How much should I talk in a conversation?
This advice comes with a caveat. You shouldn’t be listening 100% of the time. Studies show that the best ratio for talking to listening is 43 to 57, so you let the other person do most of the speaking, but be sure to share about yourself as well.
Being curious in conversations isn't just about making the other person feel good. It also gives the conversation a greater chance to move from surface-level details, such as basic biographical information or what they do for a living, into the world of specific experiences, ideas and perspectives.
Curiosity can take your small talk and elevate to medium talk and even deep conversation.
A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via 
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.