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Exclusive: Kathy Griffin dishes on Trump and the trolls that plagued her year.

She has another tour in the works. America, you've been warned.

In less than 20 seconds, Kathy Griffin has already hijacked our phone interview.

The comedian accuses me of cat-fishing her, lightheartedly mocks my Twitter bio, and slams President Donald Trump for being a "fucking lunatic."

"Now, are you in Chicago?" she says, abruptly changing gears again.

I explain that while, yes, I live in Chicago, Upworthy — which is part of GOOD Media — is technically based in Los Angeles.

There's a brief pause.

"Randy, this sounds like a gay scam," she quips to someone in the room with her. (At this point, I can't keep a straight face.) "My boyfriend, Randy, used to work for the L.A. Times. He's on to your bullshit, Robbie."

Griffin — who's spending the morning promoting her new "Laugh Your Head Off" comedy tour (pun very much intended) — sounds unfazed by the 10-month-old crisis that nearly destroyed her career, landed her at the center of a Secret Service investigation, and flagged her name on the Interpol list (a system devised to track criminals internationally).

After all of it, she's still the same quick, foul-mouthed, angry but big-hearted Griffin — except more eager than ever to hit the standup stage once again.











Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images.

Some didn't think Griffin could possibly work in the U.S. after her Trump photo debacle, the comedian tells me.

And maybe they would have been right — if we were living in a different era with another president in the Oval Office.

But in 2018, millions of Americans, repulsed by Trump's behavior in Washington, appear hungry for a comeback from the comedian. In 2018, Griffin — filling seats in some of America's most iconic venues — appears to be hotter than ever.

"They didn't think I could sell Carnegie [Hall] — then it sold in a day," she notes of her new tour, just as surprised as anyone. "I didn't know if anybody would buy a ticket."

Can you blame her for wondering? Even some of the most ardent Griffin fans were turned off by her gruesome stunt last spring.

On May 30, 2017, TMZ shared the graphic, now infamous image taken by photographer Tyler Shields of an expressionless Griffin holding a mask of the president dripping in fake blood, the wisps of his orange hair matted and red. Even in a deeply divided America, the depiction quickly unified the right and left with a singular take: The image was vile.

That's when the "wall of shit" ran over her, Griffin says. "That's really what it was," she emphasizes. "A wall of shit fell on me May 30. And then the wall got bigger and heavier and filled with more shit."

Chelsea Clinton tweeted it's "never funny to joke about killing a president." Anderson Cooper — a dear friend of Griffin's who'd play the giggly straight man reacting to her absurdity during their popular New Year's Eve specials on CNN — said he was "appalled." Their friendship — and Griffin's contract with the cable news network — ended in the days that followed.

First Lady Melania Trump publicly questioned Griffin's "mental health." The president (and his adult sons) took shots at the comedian, claiming his youngest child, Barron, was "having a hard time" with the image.

"I've been told for a year, 'it's over, go away, you're a bad American, you're a member of ISIS' — all this crazy shit," Griffin says, still irked by the uproar.

She apologized the same day the photo went public — but it was too late.

A slew of venues hurriedly canceled her upcoming performances, costing her over $1 million in income, she told New York magazine. Bobby Edwards, the CEO of Squatty Potty, said he was "shocked and disappointed" to see the image before swiftly dropping Griffin from an endorsement deal with his company.

The photo fallout, however, bled into much more serious matters: The Department of Justice spent months parsing through Griffin's personal life to see if she was a real threat to the president.

"I was detained at every single airport, which is frightening," Griffin told Bill Maher in early March. "There were times when they took my devices. They can do that. You might think we all have our rights, but when you're in that moment, you're really at the mercy of one or two people in that room."

The comedian — once a card-carrying member of the D-list — was blacklisted. And she's still feeling the heat. "I've had every kind of death threat you can imagine, to this day."

Her fan mail — or hate mail — backs her up.

Just hours after our chat, the comedian shared a letter from a livid Trump supporter on her Instagram page: "You have your cranium wedged so far up your rectum that you can no longer receive oxygen and have become brain dead," it read.

“Sincerely”

A post shared by Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) on

Being a woman "absolutely" played a big role in the relentless criticism that's hounded her for nearly a year, she says.

I'm the one who brought up her gender for playing a part, and she's quick to thank me. "I also think it's because of my age. They know I don't have a network backing me up or a studio or a movie franchise. So in a way, I was an easy target." But "the woman thing is first and foremost."

Other male entertainers, she notes, have said or done similarly shocking things since Trump took office. But "[Trump's] too much of a pussy to go after Snoop Dogg, or Johnny Depp, or Morrissey."

The rapper's "Make America Crip Again" album cover depicted Trump's corpse wearing a toe tag. Morrissey claimed he would kill Trump "for the safety of humanity," and actor Johnny Depp also publicly pondered the idea of assassination. A recent (and very NSFW) music video by Marilyn Manson reveals a decapitated man in a suit who looks an awful lot like the president.

None of those artists have received a fraction of the blowback Griffin's endured, she says.

"I've known this guy off and on for 20 years [and] ultimately, he's a bully," Griffin says of the president — a bully who especially delights in targeting women.

Many who've closely followed the president's career say he has a vindictive personality. But Trump — who remains engulfed in over a dozen allegations of sexual misconduct — seems to be especially vicious to the women who've fallen into his crosshairs.

Often, he resorts to gendered attacks to belittle them.

"She doesn't have the looks," he said of Hillary Clinton during the 2016 campaign. "She doesn't have the stamina."

"If you take a look at her, she's a slob," he once jabbed at Rosie O'Donnell before mocking her "fat, ugly face."

"You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes," he taunted then-Fox News host Megyn Kelly. "Blood coming out of her wherever."

Griffin — with her hair now trimmed especially short and dyed fiery red (she buzzed it off in solidarity with her sister, who died of cancer last September) — won't be intimidated.

She's thrived off combative comedy for decades, and dismisses any notion that "the idiot [she'd] run into" at various TV events commands any sort of newfound respect since the 2016 election. "I really know this fool," she teases, promising me her new tour is filled with fresh Trump anecdotes.

Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images.

Is she divisive? Of course. But love her or hate her, Griffin's ferocious spirit is an admirable one.

Her crude humor and celebrity takedowns have gotten her banned from various talk shows and red carpets throughout the years. She told Jesus to "suck it," at the 2007 Emmys after winning an award for her reality series, "My Life on the D-List."

"This award is my God now!" she bellowed into the mic on stage, sending shockwaves through American living rooms.

The 57-year-old doesn't play nice. Throughout our call, I laugh at her belligerent yet charming assertions — never quite sure if she was laughing at or with me. (I think it was the latter?) But she believes women need to stand up for themselves and be true to who they are, and that now — more than ever — is a particularly bad time to simmer down just to keep the peace.

"It's shirts and skins, my friend, you've got to pick a team," she tells me emphatically. "You're either on the side of this administration or you're working against it, but you can't be on the sidelines this time. Not with this nut job."

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Adobe
Adobe
Technology

Here’s how one nonprofit org is using Adobe to change the world

Adobe empowers nonprofits to fundraise, advocate, and further their missions.

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In 2024, it’s practically impossible to function as a nonprofit without the right digital resources. Nonprofits use computer systems and applications for things like education, fundraising, engaging clients, and communicating with donors. However, with limited funding and expertise, it's often difficult to get the digital tools they need to fully support their missions.

The planet needs nonprofit organizations, and nonprofits need better digital tools. For decades, Adobe has provided nonprofits with the tools they need to fulfill their mission—helping them with everything from social media advocacy to educational videos to graphic design. Now, Adobe is offering the pro version of Adobe Acrobat for Nonprofits, the most requested and comprehensive set of document and e-signature tools, for just $15 per user per year, which represents a 94% annual savings off the regular price. This will make it easier than ever for nonprofits to streamline business processes and increase their impact with engaging educational and fundraising assets – from annual reports, contracts and grant submissions to brochures and white papers.

Keep reading to hear more about how Adobe helped one nonprofit improve efficiencies and giveback potential – and how you can start using Adobe tools today for your organization.

A nonprofit success story

Albert Manero, a mechanical engineer and graduate of the University of Central Florida, founded Limbitless Solutions, Inc., as a passion project in a small lab. Today, Limbitless is celebrating its 10-year anniversary and has grown into an interdisciplinary team based at the University of Central Florida in Orlando that includes 50 interns with nine different fields of expertise. Their mission? To inspire and empower underserved communities through creative, accessible technology.

Manero and his team of experts create bionic, 3D-printed arms for children with limb differences. Combining visual storytelling with art and engineering, the Limbitless team wants children with limb differences to feel included and capable, while at the same time, able to express their personal identity more fully. Developing bionic arms covered in flowers or designed like Iron Man’s armor, kids with these bionic limbs can not only grip objects, hold hands and more, but can feel empowered to be themselves.

Using Adobe to make a difference

Limbitless, like many others, has utilized Adobe for Nonprofits offerings, which gives nonprofit organizations access to Adobe programs at a deeply discounted rate, including access programs like Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Express and Adobe Acrobat as well as Adobe’s 3D tools.

Adobe solutions are the oil that keeps organizations running smoothly behind the scenes. For the grant application and reporting processes, employees at Limbitless have credited Adobe Acrobat with helping the team secure funding and communicating clearly with donors and partners. With Acrobat, they’re able to create, edit, and manage PDF documents that look professional and polished. The company has also transitioned most of its internal documentation to digital formats using Acrobat. This includes everything from design blueprints, brand guidelines, intern contracts, and user manuals for bionic limbs.

Better tech for a better future

In addition to helping day-to-day operations run smoothly, Adobe has also helped bring Limbitless’ mission of inclusion and accessibility outside of office walls.

Using Adobe Express, the fast and easy create-anything app, Limbitless has been able to create quick how-to videos for young patients and their families that showcase how to use their bionic limbs, as well as a series of videos promoting STEAM (science, technology, engineering art and math) education. The company’s Operations, Advocacy, and Logistics team utilizes Express as well, developing content and visual assets for their social media accounts. Recently, Limbitless partnered with the Adobe Express’ Animate Characters team to create six unique, limb-different selectable avatar characters for their educational outreach and social media campaigns.

And Adobe is helping Limbitless empower kids with limb differences, too: Limbitless’ comic series, Bionic Kid, was created using Adobe Illustrator and features a superhero with limb differences who uses a Limbitless prosthetic arm. This inspired a fundraising concept initiated from the idea by a Limbitless prosthetic recipient Zachary Pamboukas, which has been used in fundraising efforts for more bionic arms and has already raised over $20,000.

Inside the organization and out, Adobe is enabling people to reach their full potential, contributing to better nonprofit organizations and, overall, a better world.

Learn more about the new Adobe Acrobat for Nonprofits offering and explore more ways Adobe can help your organization today.

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Innovation

Astronaut shares the profound 'big lie' he realized after seeing the Earth from space

This change in perspective could change humanity.

via Rubén Moreno Montolíu/Flickr

Our home, from space.

Sixty-one years ago, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to make it into space and probably the first to experience what scientists now call the "overview effect." This change occurs when people see the world from far above and notice that it’s a place where “borders are invisible, where racial, religious and economic strife are nowhere to be seen.”

The overview effect makes man’s squabbles with one another seem incredibly petty and presents the planet as it truly is, one interconnected organism.

In a compelling interview with Big Think, astronaut, author and humanitarian Ron Garan explains how if more of us developed this planetary perspective we could fix much of what ails humanity and the planet.

Garan has spent 178 days in space and traveled more than 71 million miles in 2,842 orbits. From high above, he realized that the planet is a lot more fragile than he thought.

“When I looked out the window of the International Space Station, I saw the paparazzi-like flashes of lightning storms, I saw dancing curtains of auroras that seemed so close it was as if we could reach out and touch them. And I saw the unbelievable thinness of our planet's atmosphere. In that moment, I was hit with the sobering realization that that paper-thin layer keeps every living thing on our planet alive,” Garan said in the video.

“I saw an iridescent biosphere teeming with life,” he continues. “I didn't see the economy. But since our human-made systems treat everything, including the very life-support systems of our planet, as the wholly owned subsidiary of the global economy, it's obvious from the vantage point of space that we're living a lie.”

It was at that moment he realized that humanity needs to reevaluate its priorities.

“We need to move from thinking economy, society, planet to planet, society, economy. That's when we're going to continue our evolutionary process,” he added.

Garan says that we are paying a very “high price” as a civilization for our inability to develop a more planetary perspective and that it’s a big reason why we’re failing to solve many of our problems. Even though our economic activity may improve quality of life on one end, it’s also disasterous for the planet that sustains our lives.

It’s like cutting off our nose to spite our face.

Actor William Shatner had a similar experience to Garan's when he traveled into space.

"It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered," Shatner wrote. "The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna … things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind."

“We're not going to have peace on Earth until we recognize the basic fact of the interrelated structure of all reality,” Garan said.

However dire the situation looks from the surface of Earth, the astronaut has hope that we can collectively evolve in consciousness and wake up and embrace a larger reality. “And when we can evolve beyond a two-dimensional us versus them mindset, and embrace the true multi-dimensional reality of the universe that we live in, that's when we're going to no longer be floating in darkness … and it's a future that we would all want to be a part of. That's our true calling.”


This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
space
Joy

Why do cats 'make biscuits'? 6 reasons your cat likes to knead on you and your stuff.

Those kitty massages aren't just leftover breastfeeding instincts.

Photo credit: Canva

Kitty making biscuits, of course.

As soon as our cat steps onto one of the soft, fluffy blankets in our living room, her eyes go half-mast, her head hangs low, and she starts rhythmically kneading on it. Occasionally, she'll hover her nose just above the blanket while she kneads for minutes at a time, as if she's been sucked into a trance of some sort.

This kneading behavior, colloquially known as "making biscuits," is known to cat owners but always funny nonetheless. Like, what a bizarre instinct for an animal to have. It's not a survival instinct, nothing to do with keeping themselves safe or alive, just "Ooooh, I'm feeling the urge to massage something with my paws right now."

via GIPHY

What makes cats want to knead like this? What's this "making biscuits" business all about for them?

According to Cornerstone Veterinary Hospital in Clifton Park, New York, there are multiple reasons cats knead:

Your cat feels happy and safe like they did with Mom

The most obvious explanation for the kneading is that it's an extension of kitten behavior. If you've ever seen a kitten breastfeeding, you may have witnessed them kneading as they suckle to help express the milk. Those cozy, comforting moments of being nurtured and nourished by their mothers may cause cats to engage in similar behaviors as adults when they're happy and content.

Your cat loves you

We all want to believe that our cats adore us as much as we adore them, and kneading is one way they show us affection. Think of it as a way of them saying, "Hey, thanks for making me feel happy, safe and content like Mom used to." Even if we don't have definitive proof that that's what it means, we'll go with it. They make biscuits out of love.

via GIPHY

Your cat is preparing their 'nest'

Sometimes kneading may be an instinct that stems even further back than kittenhood. Our domestic feline friends' ancestors would soften the grass to prepare a comfy place to sleep. Kneading to prepare for a nice rest—all that wandering around the house gets exhausting—can be a throwback to that feral cat behavior.

Your cat is oh-so-relaxed

There are different modes of kneading that cat owners may notice. Sometimes it may almost seem frantic, like they're so happy they just can't stop themselves from doing it. Other times, they're super duper chill and the kneading is more like a slow meditation. The latter mode may be their way of expressing relaxation or of stretching their muscles before drifting off to sleep.

Your cat is leaving their scent to mark their territory

Cats are known for marking their territory with scent, which they do in several different ways. (Rubbing their cheeks on things and kneading are the cute ways. Spraying and peeing, not so cute.) Cat paws have scent secretors in them, so kneading is a way to signal to other cats that the spot they're kneading on is theirs. That includes you.

via GIPHY

Your cat is in heat or labor

Not a cause of kneading for spayed pets, but if a female cat is in heat she might knead as a signal that she's ready to mate. Additionally, if she's pregnant, it might be a sign she's in labor.

"If your cat was in heat about two months prior, became more prominent in the belly, and they are now making biscuits in their bedding, they may be in labor," shares Cornerstone. "One of the first signs of feline labor is a mother cat preparing comfortable bedding for her soon-to-be-born babies." Makes sense.

What should you do if a cat is kneading on you? “Some cats might want to be petted while they’re kneading on you; some cats might just want to be talked to; some cats might just want to knead and have no other interaction with you,” certified applied animal behaviorist Kristyn Vitale tells Scientific American. “There’s so much individual variability.”

Of course there is. It's cats we're talking about here. Individual fickleness is the name of the game.

via GIPHY

What if you don't want your cat to knead on you? Too bad. There's not really anything you can do to stop it. Just make sure their claws are trimmed if it hurts or put a thick blanket between you and your little biscuit-maker.

Most cat owners love this behavior, though, as it's such a curiously delightful tendency. So enjoy your kitty massage when you get one and know that unless your cat is in heat or pregnant, it's a positive sign that they feel happy in your care.

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pets
Family

Researchers studied kindergarteners' behavior and followed up 19 years later. Here are the findings.

Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important.

Image from Pixabay.

Big smiles in class at kindergarten.


Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important. From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.

It can be a little stressful. But a study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.

Nope, it's not hippie nonsense. It's science.

Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a handy "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.

The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups and did some fancy statistical stuff to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.

Here's what they found.

1. Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought.

Back To School GIF by IFC - Find & Share on GIPHY

education, research, competency, kids

Meeting high expectations...

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a proven correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life.

But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test.

The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning."

That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.

2. Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life.

Adam Sandler Pee GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

friendship, movies, GPA, emotional maturity

Adam Sandler helps out a friend dealing with a stressful situations.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score.

What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives.

What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was.

An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25.

The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.

The study couldn't say for sure that strong or poor social skills directly cause any of these things. But we can say for sure that eating too much glue during arts and crafts definitely doesn't help.

3. Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change.

social behavior, social skills, learning, positive social traits

Adam Sandler GIF of getting his groove on.

Billy Madison GIF from Giphy

The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable.

Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on.

And guess what? For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.

So can we all agree to stop yelling at people when they take the parking spot we wanted?

But what does it all mean?

This study has definite limitations, which its researchers happily admit. While it did its best to control for as many environmental factors as possible, it ultimately leans pretty heavily on whether a teacher thought a kid was just "good" or "very good" at a given trait.

Still, the 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."

The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.

Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

From Your Site Articles
Family

This innocent question we ask boys is putting more pressure on them than we realize

When it's always the first question asked, the implication is clear.


Studies show that having daughters makes men more sympathetic to women's issues.

And while it would be nice if men did not need a genetic investment in a female person in order to gain this perspective, lately I've had sympathy for those newly woke dads. My two sons have caused something similar to happen to me. I've begun to glimpse the world through the eyes of a young male. And among the things I'm finding here in boyland are the same obnoxious gender norms that rankled when I was a girl.

Of course, one notices norms the most when they don't fit. If my tween sons were happily boy-ing away at boy things, neither they nor I would notice that they were hemmed in.

But oh boy, are they not doing that.

In fact, if I showed you a list of my sons' collective interests and you had to guess their gender, you'd waver a bit, but then choose girl.

Baking, reading, drawing, holidays, films, volleyball, cute mammals, video games, babies and toddlers, reading, travel, writing letters.

I imagine many of you are thinking at this point: That's awesome that your boys are interested in those things!

There's more. One loves comics and graphic novels but gravitates to stories with strong female protagonists, like Ms. Marvel and The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl.

Cool! I love it.

And sports. They are thoroughly bored by team sports. They don't play them. They won't watch them. They will up- or down-arrow through any number of sporting events on TV to get to a dance contest or to watch competitive baking.

So? Nothing wrong with that.

Those are the kinds of things all my progressive friends say.

But it's often not the message my sons themselves hear from the other adults in their lives, their classmates, and the media.

For example, the first get-to-know-you question they are inevitably asked by well-meaning grown-ups is, "So, do you play sports?" When they say, "No, not really," the adult usually continues brightly, "Oh, so what do you like to do, then?"

No one explicitly says it's bad for a boy not to play sports. But when it's always the first question asked, the implication is clear: playing sports is normal; therefore, not playing them is not.

The truth is that one of them does play a sport. He figure skates, as does my daughter. When people find out that she skates, they beam at her, as if she suddenly has possession of a few rays of Olympic glory. In the days before my son stopped telling people that he ice skates, most of them hesitated and then said, "Oh, so you are planning to play hockey?"

But it's not just what people say. It's all those pesky, unwritten rules. When he was in second grade, my younger son liked the Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew series. But he refused to check any out of the school library. He explained: "Girls can read boy books, but boys can't read girl books. Girls can wear boy colors or girl colors, but boys can only wear boy colors. Why is that, Mom?"

I didn't have an answer.

An obvious starting point — and the one that we have the most control over — is to change the way we speak to the boys in our lives.

As Andrew Reiner suggests in a spot-on essay, we should engage boys in analytical, emotion-focused conversations, just like we do with girls. In "How to Talk to Little Girls," Lisa Bloom offers alternatives to the appearance-focused comments so often directed at young girls: asking a girl what she's reading or about current events or what she would like to see changed in the world. I could copy-paste Bloom's list and slap a different title on it: "How to Ask Boys About Something Besides Sports."

And with a few more built-in nudges, we might expand the narrow world of boyhood more quickly. Boy Scouts could offer badges for developing skills in child care, teamwork, and journaling. Girl-dominated activities like art, dance, gymnastics, and figure skating could be made more welcoming to boys, with increased outreach and retention efforts. My son could write his own essay about trying to fit in to the nearly all-girl world of figure skating, including the times he has had to change clothes in a toilet stall at skating events because there were no locker rooms available for boys.

I used to think that the concept of gender — of "girl things" and "boy things" — was what was holding us back.

Now I see it differently.

The interdependent yin and yang of gender is a fundamental part of who we are, individually and collectively. We need people who like to fix cars and people who like to fix dinner. We need people who are willing and able to fight if needed and people who are exquisitely tuned into a baby's needs. But for millennia, we have forced these traits to align with biological sex, causing countless individuals to be dissatisfied and diminished. For the most part, we've recognized this with girls. But we have a long way to go when it comes to boys. As Gloria Steinem observed, "We've begun to raise daughters more like sons … but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters."

I acknowledge that young boys feeling pressured to be sports fans is not our country's biggest problem related to gender.

Transgender individuals still confront discrimination and violence. The #MeToo movement has revealed to anyone who didn't already know it that girls and women can't go about their everyday lives without bumping into male sexual aggression.

But if our culture shifts to wholeheartedly embrace the whole spectrum of unboyishness, it may play some small role in addressing these other issues, too. Male culture will be redefined, enriched, and expanded, diluting the toxic masculinity that is at the root of most of our gender-related problems.

Boys and girls alike will be able to decide if they would rather be made up of snips and snails, sugar and spice, or a customized mix. And my future grandsons, unlike my sons, won't think twice about wearing pink or reading about a girl detective at school.

This story originally appeared on Motherwell and is reprinted here with permission.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

From Your Site Articles
Pop Culture

People are sharing the adult problems that 'nobody prepared you for' and they're so true

Here are 21 of the most relatable.

via PixaBay

Being an adult is tough.

Nothing can ever fully prepare you for being an adult. Once you leave childhood behind, the responsibilities, let-downs and setbacks come at you fast. It’s tiring and expensive, and there's no easy-to-follow roadmap for happiness and success. A Reddit user asked the online forum, “What’s an adult problem nobody prepared you for?” and there were a lot of profound answers that get to the heart of the disappointing side of being an adult.

One theme that ran through many responses is the feeling of being set adrift. When you’re a kid, the world is laid out as a series of accomplishments. You learn to walk, you figure out how to use the bathroom, you start school, you finish school, maybe you go to college, and so on.

However, once we’re out of the school system and out from under our parents’ roofs, there is a vast, complicated world out there and it takes a long time to learn how it works. The tough thing is that if you don’t get a good head start, you can spend the rest of your life playing catch-up.

Then, you hit middle age and realize that life is short and time is only moving faster.

Adulthood also blindsides a lot of people because we realize that many adults are simply children who grew older. The adult world is a lot more like high school than a teenager could ever imagine.

The Reddit thread may seem a bit depressing at first, but there are a lot of great lessons that younger people can take to heart. The posts will also make older people feel a lot better because they can totally relate.

Being an adult is hard, exhausting and expensive. But we’re all in this together and by sharing the lessons we’ve learned we can help lighten each other's load just a bit.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “What is an adult problem nobody prepared you for?”

1. Lack of purpose

"Lack of purpose. All your young life you are given purpose of passing exams and learning, then all of a sudden you are thrown into the world and told to find your own meaning," — Captain_Snow.

2. No bed time

"You can stay up as late as you want. But you shouldn't," — geek-fit

3. Friendships

"Where did all my friends go?" — I_Love_Small_Breasts

Most of them are at the same place as you are ... Probably wondering the same thing," — Blackdraon003

4. Bodily changes

"I'm closer to fifty than forty, would have been nice to be better prepared for some of the ways your body starts to change at this point that don't normally get talked about. For instance your teeth will start to shift from general aging of your gums," — dayburner.

5. People don't change

"Didnt know that other adults have the emotional intelligence of teenagers and its almost impossible to deal with logically," — Super-Progress-6386

6. Money

"$5K is a lot to owe, but not a lot to have," — Upper-Job5130

7. Our parents age, too

"Handling the decline and death of your parents," - Agave666

8. Free time

"Not having a lot of free-time or time by myself," — detective_kiara

9. No goals

"Not having a pre-defined goal once I was out of college. Growing up my goals were set for me: get through elementary school! then middle school! Then high school, and get into college and get a degree, then get a job, and then...? Vague "advance in your career, buy a house, find a spouse, have a kid or multiple, then retire." At 22 I had no idea how to break that down more granularly," — FreehandBirdlime

10. Constant upkeep

"Life is all about maintenance. Your body, your house, your relationships, everything requires constant never ending maintenance," — IHateEditedBGMusic

11. Exhaustion

"Being able to do so many things because I'm an adult but too tired to do any of them," — London82

12. Loneliness

"Being an adult feels extremely lonely," — Bluebloop0

13. Dinner

"Having to make dinner every. Fucking. Day," — EndlesslyUnfinished

14. Time changes

"The more life you’ve lived, the faster time seems to go," — FadedQuill

15. You're responsibile, even if you didn't mean it

"You are held to account for bad behaviour for which you are negligent even if you had no intention to cause harm. As a lawyer, I see this all the time. People don't think they're responsible for mistakes. You are," — grishamlaw

16. Work is like high school

"The intricacies of workplace politics," — Steve_Lobsen writes. "

"When you're in school, you think that you won't have to deal with gossiping and bullying once you leave school. Unfortunately, that is not true," — lady_laughs_too_much

17. Nowhere to turn

"How easy it is to feel stuck in a bad situation (job, relationship, etc) just because the cost and effort of getting out can seem daunting. And sometimes you just have to accept a figurative bowl full of shit because you can't afford to blow up your life," — movieguy95453

18. The happiness question

"Figuring out what makes you happy. Everyone keeps trying to get you to do things you're good at, or that makes you money, but never to pursue what you enjoy," — eternalwanderer5

19. Constant cleaning

"The kitchen is always dirty. You’ll clean it at least three times every day," — cewnc

20. Life costs money

"One adult problem nobody prepared me for is how expensive everything is. I always thought that as an adult I would be able to afford the things I wanted, but it turns out that's not always the case! I've had to learn how to budget and save up for the things I want, and it's been a difficult process," — Dull_Dog_8126

21. Keeping above water

"All of it together. I was relatively warned about how high rent is, car bills and repairs, how buying healthy food is expensive as hell but important for your health, how to exercise and save what you can, my parents did their best to fill in my knowledge about taxes and healthcare and insurance that my schooling missed, about driving and cleaning a household, about setting boundaries at work but working hard and getting ahead if you can, about charity and what it means to take care of a pet and others, about being a good partner if you were lucky enough to have one, about how dark and messed up the world is when you just read the news and what all that means to me and my community… I was reasonably warned about all of it.

"No one could have ever prepared me for how hard doing all of it at the same time and keeping your head above that water would actually be," — ThatNoNameWriter


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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