upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Most Shared

Ever heard of the Battle of Blair Mountain? Federal troops were called against 13,000 miners.

Three battles that led to the biggest armed insurrection since the Civil War.

Have you ever heard of the West Virginia mine wars?

Maybe they were mentioned in your high school history class, or maybe they were skimmed over, or even left out entirely for one reason or another. Too often, these stories are deemed not "important" enough to warrant the time and attention they deserve.

But the West Virginia mine wars are critical to understanding the history of the labor movement in the U.S. — and soon a new museum will be open to tell the story.


The Battle of Blair Mountain, for example, was — and still is — the most violent labor confrontation in history, in which union-supporting coal miners fought against local government and a coal company-funded militia, eventually involving the U.S. Army.

So, what happened?

Be glad you weren't born into "Coal Country" West Virginia in the 1800s.

In the late 1800s in West Virginia, it wasn't easy to be a coal miner. For starters, mining wasn't just a job, it was a way of life — and a hard way of life. You lived in a company town, bought all your food and supplies at the company store, were paid in company money called "scrip," sent your kids to the company school, read the company paper, obeyed the company-employed police … on and on.

Because the coal companies controlled every aspect of the miners' lives, they could do whatever they wanted: pay as little as they felt like, teach what they felt like, and trap the miners in a cycle of bare-bones survival as they saw fit.

Tennessee Ernie Ford's "Sixteen Tons" paints a good picture of the life of a coal miner.

Not to mention, the job was rife with danger. Fatal accidents were frequent, and illnesses such as black lung disease claimed miners and their families alike.

As the decades wore on, the owners of these coal companies kept raking in the profits. The fledgling United Mine Workers of America (UMWA) started to gain a foothold in many parts of the country — and even in many parts of West Virginia — to fight for a better way of life.

But southern West Virginia stayed mostly non-union, and the coal companies were quite determined to keep it that way.

The stakes were high and so was the tension building between workers and their bosses. And that tension built and built until it eventually exploded into what is to this day the largest armed insurrection since the Civil War.

Typical mining family.

"BLOODSHED REIGNS IN VIRGINIA HILLS!"

That was the terrifying newspaper headline that described how those tensions erupted into violence during the Paint Creek-Cabin Creek strike of 1912, near Charleston, West Virginia. It was the first major demonstration of the violence to come as the workers stood up for their rights.

Coal miners were fed up with the low wages and the poor working conditions — loading tons of coal for weeks, months, years on end in the cramped, dark mines, only to find themselves deeper in debt at the end of each day.

The miners demanded the right to unionize, the right to free speech and assembly (y'know, that bit in the U.S. Constitution!?), the right to be paid accurately and in real U.S. dollars rather than the company scrip. They were tired of being cheated out of their already meager wages. You see, being paid by the ton and having no access to scales, they had no choice but to take their earnings at the word of the company weigh men. “16 tons? Nah, that's only 12 today."

Coal coming out of a mine.

When nearly 10,000 miners finally went on strike, their protests were largely nonviolent. Until, that is, the mine operators called in the notorious Baldwin-Felts Detective Agency to break up the strike. Over 300 armed men descended on the area on behalf of Baldwin-Felts.

Beatings were common. Sniper attacks and sabotage were also used. Miners were forcefully taken from their homes and tossed into the street to live in tents. Inside these tents, people were starving.

Miners called it the “Death Special."

The tent colonies were soon subject to a new tactic from the company goons — a heavily armored train that the miners called the “Death Special" was sent through the tent colony, firing machine guns and high-powered rifles at tents.

In a Senate committee investigation that followed, reported by the Wichita Times, one woman described her encounter with the train:

Mrs. Annie Hill, who limped into the committee room, told how she shielded her three little children from the bullets by hiding them in the chimney corner of her little home at Holly Grove when the armored train made it appearance. She said she had been shot through the limbs and the bullet had gone through the Bible and hymnbook on her parlor table.

Martial law was declared. Mary Harris “Mother" Jones (a feisty union activist already in her 70s who had come to the area to help the miners) was arrested and imprisoned.

"If they want to hang me, let them. And on the scaffold I will shout, 'Freedom for the working class!'" — Mother Jones

After nearly 12 months, at least 50 people lay dead. The number grew when others succumbed to starvation and sickness from the near siege-like conditions in the tents and on the streets.

A miner's family in the tent colony, 1920.

A Massacre in Matewan

Six years later, unionized miners in other parts of the country were seeing huge victories — like a 27% pay increase. This inspired the miners around Matewan, West Virginia, to join the United Mine Workers of America in record numbers. By the spring of 1920, 3,000 Matewan miners had joined.

But the Stone Mountain Coal Company retaliated.

This time, the miners had key public officials on their side: both the mayor and Sheriff Sid Hatfield.

So when the coal company called in the Baldwin-Felts (or the “Baldwin Thugs," as the miners knew them), Sheriff Hatfield met them at the train station. After a brief verbal tussle, the Baldwin Thugs carried on, throwing six mining families and all of their possessions out of their homes and into the rain.

Word spread fast, and soon an enraged group of miners headed to the train station where Sheriff Hatfield had promised to arrest the Baldwin men.

The two forces came together on the steps of the Chambers Hardware Store.


The site of the showdown: Chambers Hardware Store, then and now.

When the dust settled, the mayor was shot, seven Baldwin-Felts detectives were killed, and two miners were dead.

Sheriff Hatfield — who claimed credit for the deaths of two Baldwin Thugs — became a hero. This was the first time the seemingly invincible "Baldwin Thugs" had been defeated, which gave the miners hope.

The 1987 John Sayles movie "Matewan" is a dramatic portrayal of the events leading up to the Battle of Matewan. In this scene, the white miners discussing the union get a surprise visitor in the form of an African-American miner and learn a valuable lesson. (Warning: racial slurs.)

In the spring of 1921, charges against Hatfield and his men were either dismissed or they were found not guilty. The enraged Baldwin-Felts crew swore vengeance, and just a few months later, they killed Sheriff Hatfield and his deputy on the steps of the county courthouse.

Nearly 2,000 people marched in their funeral procession. It wound its way through the town of Matewan and to the cemetery in Kentucky. As the rage built among the miners, it headed toward a final confrontation —the Battle of Blair Mountain.

Matewan was "a symbolic moment in a larger, broader and continuing historical struggle — in the words of Mingo county miner J.B. Wiggins, the 'struggle for freedom and liberty.'" — Historian David A. Corbin



Logan defenders.

"ACTUAL WAR IS RAGING IN LOGAN": The Battle of Blair Mountain

Another newspaper headline described the outbreak of violence, the culmination of decades of mistreatment by the mining companies and years of rising tensions. This was the Battle of Blair Mountain.

It was just after the Matewan Massacre, and thousands of miners began pouring out of the mountains to take up arms against the villains who had attacked their families, assassinated their hero, and mistreated them for decades. The miners wore red bandanas around their necks to distinguish themselves from the company men wearing white patches and to avoid getting shot by their own troops. (And now you know where the word "rednecks" comes from.)

The sheriff of Little Coal River sent in law enforcement to keep the miners at bay, but the miners captured the troopers, disarmed them, and sent them running. The West Virginia governor also lost his chance for a peaceful resolution when, after meeting with some of the miner's leaders, he chose to reject their demands.

The miners were 13,000 strong as they headed toward the non-union territory of Logan and Mingo counties.

A Blair fighter in 1921.

They faced Sheriff Chafin — who was financially supported by the coal companies — and his 2,000 men who acted as security, police, and militia. Chafin stationed many of his troops in the hills around Blair Mountain, West Virginia. From there, Chafin dropped tear gas and pipe bombs on the miners.

For a moment, it seemed like the confrontation might come to an end when a cease-fire agreement was made, and many of the miners began to head home. But the cease-fire broke when Sheriff Chafin's men were found shooting miners and their families in the streets of Sharples, West Virginia, just beyond Blair Mountain.

They never imagined it would come to this: Federal troops were called in to break up a strike.

"FIGHTING CONTINUES IN MOUNTAINS AS FEDERAL TROOPS REACH MINGO; PLANES REPORTED BOMBING MINERS," reported a New York Times headline shortly after Aug. 25, 1921, when the battle escalated to a new point in U.S. history — with tactics that have not been seen before or since.

On Aug. 30, President Warren Harding intervened, placing all of West Virginia under martial law. Harding sent 14 planes to West Virginia that were fully armed for combat but were only used for surveillance. According to Robert Shogan, "the Federal force that mattered most were the infantry units that began arriving ... [on] September 2, some 2,100 strong."

Blair fighters turning in guns.

The miners never made it through Chafin's lines — and it's hard to say what would've happened if they had. After 1 million rounds were fired, the miners retreated. It was time to go home and fight another day.

Over 100 people had been killed — about 30 on Chafin's side and 50-100 on the union miners' side. Almost 1,000 of the miners were indicted for murder and treason, and many more lost their jobs.

Federal troops standing with arms collected from the striking miners after surrender.

In the short-term, the defeat of the striking miners was devastating to the UMWA. Membership plummeted from 50,000 to 10,000 over the next several years. It took until 1935 — post-Great Depression and FDR's New Deal — for the rest of the mines in southern West Virginia to become unionized.

But a single battle doesn't tell the whole story of the larger fight for justice.

In the end, the coal companies lost more than they gained. These bloody conflicts drew the nation's attention to the plight of the long-suffering mine workers, and unions began to understand that they needed to fight for laws that allowed them to organize and that penalized companies that broke the law.

These victories of conscience allowed a number of other unions, like the United Automobile Workers and the United Steelworkers of America, to flourish as well.

Each battle led to the next.

Each fight solidified the resolve and desire of the miners and their families to stand up for their rights to improve their lot in life.

For these brave workers, the American dream was something they had to fight for, something they died for, and something they wanted to pass on to future generations, despite the efforts of the coal companies to prevent them.

Many people have never heard these stories, but now, they can.

94 years after workers laid down their lives for the right to fair employment, their story is taking root inside the building that used to be the Chambers Hardware Store in downtown Matewan.

The first museum to tell the story of these brave people is opening this May.

The West Virginia Mine Wars Museum will open to tell the people's history of the mine wars — something all Americans can be proud of.

Want to learn more and help them reach their opening fundraising goal? You can donate here. Or read more about the museum and the mine wars here.

Pets

Dogs really do have favorite people, and here's how they decide who it will be

Sometimes their favorite people don't live in their house.

Dogs really do have favorite people. Here's how they decide

When my sister's dog, Junior, was on this side of the Rainbow Bridge, I was one of his favorite people. This dog would get full body wags every time I came around, and we'd spend most of the day cuddled up with each other. Now my dog, Cocolina, behaves in the same way whenever my sister comes to visit. But what goes into a dog deciding who their favorite person is? Spoiler, it's not always the person they live with.

Like humans, animals have their own personalities. You might rescue a dog thinking it will be the perfect companion, only to have the furry adoptee spend every waking moment following your partner around. You could spend hundreds of dollars on vet checkups, new harnesses, treats, and all the squeaky dog toys you can find, but that still won't be enough to convince a dog to love you. Instead of showering the giver of treats with kisses, they make goo-goo eyes at the pet sitter. It turns out they have their reasons.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Corgi cuddles spreading joy and smiles!Photo credit: Canva

Since our canine friends can't talk, we have to rely on the experts to explain what the deal is with how dogs pick their favorite human. Carol Erickson, a Pennsylvania SPCA animal advocate, gave a brief interview with CBS News Philadelphia to explain her take on how dogs determine their bestest, most favorite person.

"What it comes down to for all dogs is they decide their very favorite family member by who gives the most consistent, high-quality attention, play, and physical affection: ear rubs, scratches, that sort of thing. Dogs get positive associations from being around people who consistently provide positive experiences, including treats, meals, play that they enjoy, and remember also that early association in those first six months can influence who a dog may like better later on," she tells the outlet.

Rover backs up Erickson's claim that the first six months are crucial in determining who will become the dog's favorite person later in life. The website says, "Many dogs bond hardest to whoever cares for them during their key socialization period, which occurs between birth and six months." However, they later note that dogs can still be socialized appropriately even as adults.

The dog-sitting website also explains that it's not uncommon for people who are not the dog's primary caregiver to be their favorite person. Pointing out that physical affection is vital to dogs, if the mailman gives out head scratches daily but the owner doesn't, the mailman may become the dog's favorite person. While physical affection and treats go a long way for some pooches, those aren't the only things that get puppy eyes melting with love.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Joyful moments with furry friends! 🐶❤️Photo credit: Canva

"While positive experiences play a big role, a dog’s favorite person isn’t always just the one holding the treat bag. Dogs also respond to emotional connection, tone of voice, and even body language. Their preferences are shaped by a mix of familiarity, trust, and how well a person understands their needs," explains Elle Vet Sciences. They later add, "Dogs also take emotional cues from us. If a person is stressed, loud, or inconsistent, a dog may be less likely to form a deep bond with them. On the other hand, someone who offers reassurance and stability often earns the title of 'favorite' without even realizing it."

In short, if you want to be your dog's bestie, being consistent with affection, actions, and even training and grooming will get you there a lot faster than treats alone. Dogs aren't trying to be persnickety; just like humans, they enjoy being around people who show them that they enjoy their company—and maybe some treats.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

A woman standing in a field of sunflowers.

In a world where we're often on the hunt for wisdom to make our lives better, one solid place to turn is to the teachings of Diego Perez. Often known by his pen name Yung Pueblo, he has been writing books, poems, and essays for years, accruing 4.5 million online followers.

He often discusses meditation, having famously meditated for 13,000 hours (and counting), and credits this to easing his anxiety. Much of what he meditates on is love and our relationship to it.

In a clip posted on Oprah Daily, he shares, "What I've learned from that is that the highest level of love is unconditioned. Unconditional love, where you can look upon the world and see that no one is your enemy. That is the height of freedom. You are no longer coming from a place of ego, but you are living in a space of compassion for yourself and for others."

Yung Pueblo shares thoughts on meditation. www.youtube.com, Oprah Daily

According to his website, his most recently published book, How to Love Better, "offers a blueprint for deepening your compassion, kindness, and gratitude so you can truly grow in harmony with another person and build stronger connections in all your relationships."

While a guest on the Mel Robbins Podcast, she asks him, "What are the three healthiest habits that everyone listening or watching should learn in order to improve their lives?"

Reading from his work, he answers:

"1) Being grateful for the little things.
2) Noticing when your nervous system is overwhelmed and responding by saying 'no' to anything new that will consume your energy.
3) Don't hide your love. Let your friends and family know how much you care about them."

Of these ideas, Robbins says she loves that they're "subtle, but the impact they have is profound."

The clip comes from a larger podcast interview entitled "Reset your mind: How to Find Peace When Life Feels Overwhelming." Robbins notes how simple these habits would be if one were to really take them in. "Number one: being grateful for the little things. And let's do this right now. This is how simple this is. What is something little that you're grateful for?"

Pueblo answers, "I think I'm always grateful for natural spring water. It tastes so good and is so nourishing. And honestly, the first thing that came to mind is I'm so grateful for my Toyota RAV4."

Robbins digs into the second habit, re-reading it out loud. "This is also one of those subtle things. Whether it's being overwhelmed at work and somebody asking you if you can cover their shift. And as a people pleaser, you'd normally be like 'yeah, yeah, okay' even though you don't want to. Learning to take a beat and notice you're overwhelmed and saying 'no.' That is a subtle but powerful moment where you create peace for yourself instead of creating chaos in order to please somebody else."

He responds, "Part of reclaiming your power so that you can have real inner peace is understanding what your capacity is."

Robbins gives the example of feeling obligated to say yes to invitations. "Learning how to say no is a habit that creates peace for you, just in the saying no."

He adds, "And sometimes the invitations aren't physical. Sometimes they're emotional. When someone is trying to invite you into their anger. They just got home from work, they're super irritated by what happened. And you can feel that in their irritation, they want you to join them. But for the sake of your own peace, you can find that subtle place where you can, sure, listen to whatever their gripe is, but choose to live in your peace as opposed to joining them in their tension."

- Yung Pueblo shares thoughts on the Mel Robbins podcast.www.youtube.com, Mel Robbins

Robbins brings up the final habit: "Don't hide your love." He shares, "This is one of my favorite lessons I've learned from studying change through meditation. Literally studying change within the framework of the body. We have this really combative relationship with change. We fight change. We hate change sometimes because we deeply crave for all the things that we like to always stay the same. But then we forget that change is what's allowing for everything to exist. Like if the universe were static, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation."

Pueblo goes on to say that change is what gives us our lives. "So change is allowing all these beautiful opportunities to appear in front of us. So to me, when I think about change, and I'm spending time with my parents or my partner, these are beautiful moments that are right in front of me, that I should spend time in these moments, not just thinking about something else."

Robbins adds, "I think we have a combative relationship with love. Because we spend most of our time with the people we care about most, either taking our emotions out on them or wishing they would be different…One thing that has changed my life for the better, obviously, is to let people be who they are and who they're not. But in that space of acceptance, really being proactive about expressing love."

The comment section adds beautiful thoughts. Under the Instagram clip, someone writes, "Gratitude really is the foundation. It quiets the noise, anchors the spirit, and reminds me I’m already in the blessing." One adds, "I have a gratitude jar when I'm feeling disconnected from love. I read through the gratitude notes and it immediately brings me back to the present."

Another adds this lovely sentiment: "Nailed it — because they all require consistency, not flash. Fireworks fade over time, but a small fire tended and fed over time can provide light and warmth forever."

Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


Culture

Why you might try peeling your bananas the way monkeys do

Our primate friends are onto something here.

Canva Photos

Monkeys and humans peel their bananas very differently.

Modern humans really like to argue about how to do simple things around the house. Families have fractured over how to load the dishwasher, or whether to hang the toilet paper roll over or under. We have strong opinions, get set in our ways, and refuse to change even in the face of compelling evidence.

There's a new debate raging and, believe it or not, it's all over the humble banana. For example, a recent Reddit thread with over 10,000 comments featured a wife and husband fiercely arguing over how, specifically, a banana should be peeled.

If you're like me, you didn't even know there were multiple ways to peel a banana. I've always grabbed the stem, angled it downward until the peel cracked open, and then peeled. Admittedly, it's not a perfect method. Sometimes the banana, if not perfectly ripe, with get smushed in the process. Or the stem may bend without splitting the peel open, leaving you wiggling back and forth until you give up and go get a knife.

Apparently, there is a better way. And all we have to do is watch how the monkeys do it.

YouTuber Anthony Crain of Cooking For One explains: "They ought to know. They know bananas." Instead of cracking the peel at the stem, primates squeeze the bottom end together (sometimes playfully referred to as the butthole of the banana) and the peel pops open, as if by magic.

"If you go from [the bottom end], it always works, no matter how ripe or unripe the banana is."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Though the bottom-first method of banana peeling works great—and some even swear you get less stringy things (called "phloem bundles") this way—not everyone is convinced.

Though no official statistics exist as to what percentage of people peel their bananas from the stem, almost everyone I've ever met does it. And many of them are not looking to change their minds or methods any time soon.

"Monkeys also fling [poop]. Just cause monkeys do it doesn't automatically make it correct," one Redditor wrote.

"I am not a monkey; I will open it how I like," said another.

Others swore that once they tried the monkey technique, they never went back:

"When I heard you could do it by using the B side I tried it and it's super easy. Works every time and doesn't damage the inside. I've been using B ever since."

"This post ... is going to start a civil war," one user joked.

"Honestly this is one of the most interesting comment sections I’ve seen. I would never guess it was this divided," another added.

Top or bottom aren't the only banana-opening options available. Some people break bananas in half in the middle and peel from there. Others snap it open like a matador cracking a whip.


@yunggecko_

Magic banana? 🪄🍌 #fyp #foryoupage #magic

For as many different varieties of edible fruit that exist in the world, there seem to be just as many fascinating ways to access them.

Have you ever seen the pomegranate whacking method of removing those pesky seeds?

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Or how about the no-knife method of popping out avocado pits with just one hand?


@bearenger

#stitch with @_mynameischo OMG WHAT 🥑 #healthyrecipes #plantbased IB @tracesoats

As an apple connoisseur, I'm always interested in cool ways of slicing or coring an apple. I recently learned you can scoop the core out with a tablespoon or melon baller in about five seconds!


@jessicaygavin

2 Easy Ways to Core an Apple! #core #applestothecore #fruit #apples #easytips #cheflife

Truthfully, there's no wrong way to enjoy your fruit. You can peel your bananas like a monkey, or buy that little pointless doohickey from Amazon that slices it for you like knives don't exist.

Fruits of all kinds are delicious and contain tons of amazing nutrients for your body. What keeps it fun is always exploring new fruits, and yes, even new ways of peeling, coring, and eating them.

A group of friends having a chat.

You might be shocked to learn that many people don’t like making small talk. Surprise, right? They either believe it’s beneath them to talk about mundane subjects or don’t see the benefit of discussing the weather, sports, or television with people they hardly know.

However, these folks are missing a very valuable form of interaction that can help them with their love lives, friendships, and careers. They also remove themselves from situations where they can elevate small talk to something more valuable and meaningful.

Jefferson Fisher, a Texas personal injury attorney and communications expert, has become massively popular on Instagram—with nearly 6 million followers—for sharing tips “to help people argue less and talk more.” While promoting his new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, Fisher discussed the number one problem people have while making small talk.

What's the biggest mistake people make during small talk?

"They unknowingly turn the conversation back to themselves too quickly," Fisher tells Parade. "It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand. But what often happens is that we hijack the conversation."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"For example, someone says, 'I just got back from a trip to Italy,' and instead of asking about their experience, we jump in with, 'Oh, I’ve been to Italy several times, it’s great.' It’s well-meaning, but it can come across as dismissive,” Fisher said. “Instead, focus on them. Ask open-ended questions like, 'That’s wonderful, what was your favorite part?' Small talk isn’t about impressing people, it’s about making them feel seen and heard."

Fisher’s advice echoes that of the great Dale Carnegie, author of the 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. In the book, Carnegie says, “To be interesting, be interested.” Carnegie’s advice is counterintuitive because we are taught to believe that being likable means dominating conversations and entertaining the other person. However, Carnegie thinks that people who are generous listeners tend to make a better first impression.

How to be more likable

Researchers at Harvard University found that when you ask someone a question, people will like you more if, after they answer, you ask them two more follow-up questions. So, if you ask, “Where did you go last summer?” And they reply, Italy, you can follow that up with two questions about their favorite city and the restaurant they’ll never forget. Then, you can tell them that you’ve been there, too.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

conversation, small talk, chatting, discussion, communication Two people have a conversation. Credit: Fauxels/Pexel

People will take a shine to you after you ask a few questions because it shows that you are listening and interested in what they say. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.

While at first, it may take a little practice to ask follow-up questions instead of turning the conversation to your experiences and opinions, it should take some pressure off the need to be interesting. Now, instead of trying to wow people with your stories, all you have to do is listen to theirs, and they’ll like you all the more for it.

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.