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Are you guilty of 'boomerasking'? Why this common conversation faux pas makes you less likeable

And no, it has nothing to do with boomers.

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A hand coming through a blue wall holding a boomerang.

You might have never heard the term “boomerasking” until now, but you’ve almost certainly experienced it…and might have even done it yourself. And no, this has nothing to do with boomers asking why folks can’t pick themselves up by the bootstraps. In fact, this conversation faux pas can be committed by any age group.

Boomerasking is when someone asks a question, only to bring the focus back onto themselves, ala a boomerang.

Example: you ask “how was your day?” to a friend. Your friend responds, “fine, I got some deals at Costco,” and you reply, “well my day was great, I found $100 on the sidewalk, and someone complimented my new shoes!”

Essentially, you didn’t pose the question to really listen to your friend’s answer, but rather to talk about yourself. That’s boomerasking in a nutshell.

boomerasking, conversation tips, social skills, how to talk to people, psychological studyTwo people talking.Photo credit: Canva

But according to new research from the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, there’s a bit more to glean from this. For starters, researchers broke boomerasking down into three categories:

  • “Ask-bragging” - when someone asks a question only so that they can one-up the answerer and brag about themselves
  • “Ask-complaining” - when someone asks a question for the sole purpose of venting their story of a negative experience onto who they asked
  • “Ask-sharing” - when someone asks a question followed by sharing something neutral that probably only the asker finds interesting, i.e. weird dream

The study also found that most participants admitted they had both experienced boomerasking and had been guilty of it themselves, so it’s likely that we’ve all done our fair share of asking only to share a bit about ourselves.

@6girldadreviews Boomerasking? #boomerang #conversationalambush #dadjokes #conversation ♬ original sound - 6 Girl Dad Reviews


And granted, this impulse isn’t completely self-serving. Researchers noted that really, it’s simply the result of two conflicting natural human desires: one, to be responsive to others, and the other, to share individual experiences. They also shared that some participants thought prefacing a long conversation about themselves with a question posed to another person was the considerate way of making conversation feel more balanced, since it’s not entirely about them.

boomerasking, conversation tips, social skills, how to talk to people, psychological studymedia1.giphy.com

In all these cases, boomerasking backfires, and instead only makes the question asked seem insincere, according to the study. To combat this urge, researchers suggest two main things:

1. Ask questions that you are unable to answer yourself, which prevents the possibility of boomerasking, because you have nothing to contribute.

2 Use responsive listening techniques, with verbal cues like affirmation, validation, and repeating and/or reformulating what a partner has said. You can still ask questions, just make sure not to shift the focus away from the other person.

Healthy conversations, which are vital to us all, require a bit of give-and-take. Plus, appearing polite doesn’t have nearly as much weight as showing genuine interest in someone else. So the next time you find yourself wanting to share something, maybe just be clear about that. And if you do ask someone about their day, listen.

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Why you should stop saying "I think" if you want to sound confident while speaking

We all do it, but it might be watering down what we're really trying to say.

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Here's what recommended instead.

Clear, effective communication is just as much about what you don’t say as it is about what you do say. It’s incredibly easy for a message to get watered down with filler words and passive phrases, many of which we use on a daily basis.

Case and point: “I think” statements. Sure, this seems like a harmless option. Logical even. After all, it’s honest. Certain factors have led you to think this or that is the right choice, and thus, you are saying so. But as CNBC Make It contributor Lorraine K. Lee explains, overuse of these two well-intentioned words can “diminish your presence and undermine your confidence.”

In fact, Lee lumps “I think” in with “just,” “sorry” and “maybe,” which are more well-known examples of minimizing language, aka passive qualifiers that lessen the meaning of what you're trying to communicate, rather than enhance it. She notes that however "polite" these phrases seem, etiquette comes at the cost of credibility.

media4.giphy.com

Specifically, “I think” can make an opinion, however well informed, come across as nothing more than a passing thought, and therefore not taken seriously. Or it can make the speaker seem “hesitant” of their own perspective.

So instead, Lee recommends swapping “think” for “I recommend,” which conveys the same meaning but is more “action-oriented” and “decisive.” An example she uses is saying “I recommend trying this restaurant,” rather than “I think you should try this restaurant.“

Lee advises that this swap be used in times when you aren’t all that confident as well, with some added caveats for transparency. Using “from my experience, I’d recommend…” for example. It’s easy to see how you can be upfront about uncertainties, while still clearly communicating your stance.

Things get further conflated when you think about how many people use “I feel statements” when they mean to use “I think statements.” “I feel like this restaurant is better than the other one.” “I feel that you should go with this plan.” “I feel like this isn’t the most productive use of our time.” This is not only grammatically inaccurate, as these are opinions one thinks, not feels, but it also pacifies an already weakened version of what you’re trying to say in the first place.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

So, how do we really develop this better speaking habit? Lee recommends (see what we did there?) first listening for when and where those “I think” statements tend to pop up. You can even ask for the folks around you to help keep you accountable. She also suggests allowing for a pause before speaking, which gives you time to make the mental swap before saying anything out loud. And since most of us type exponentially more than we speak, be sure to make those swaps in written communications as well.

Photo credit: Canva

Bottom line; it’s easy for us to go on autopilot with our language. That, plus a desire to not come across as pushy or domineering, can cause us to not really say what we mean. But if we want to be understood, we need to be intentional with what we say, or don’t say.

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How much does your name affect your life? More than you might think.

A few things for parents to ponder when deciding what to name a child.

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What we're named makes a difference.

"What's in a name?" Juliet famously asked Romeo, telling him a rose would smell just as sweet even if it were called something else. Is it really true, though? For Shakespeare's star-crossed lovers, names were a barrier, so of course they didn't want them to matter. But just as Romeo and Juliet's last names directly affected their love story, the names we are given and go by have an impact in our lives in ways we may scarcely be aware of.

Research from around the world shows that what people call us can influence what others think of us, and what personality traits we develop, and even what big life decisions we make for ourselves. That's not to say you can direct someone's life entirely by giving them a certain name, but there are some things prospective parents who are weighing baby name options might want to consider.

- YouTubeyoutu.be


Certain names come with certain stereotypes

Our names influence how people see us, for better or for worse.

I have no hard evidence, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that very few babies born in the 2020s will be named Karen, solely because of the get-me-the-manager stereotype that's been attached to the name. The name Chad may have met a similar fate for this generation of baby boys, but there will undoubtedly be other names that get taken down by popular culture.

Fair or not, certain names conjure up certain stereotypes. Psychologist Michael Varnum, PhD, shared some results from a 2018 study of 400 Americans that examined how certain names are perceived based on traits like warmth and competence. For example:

Elizabeth = seen as high in both warmth and competence

Misty = seen as low in both warmth and competence

Riley = seen as high in warmth, low in competence

Ruth = seen as low in warmth, high in competence

Names even come with physical stereotypes, and a 2017 study from Hebrew University of Jerusalem found that people can guess what a person's name is based solely on how they look with much more accuracy than mere chance.

how our names impact usNames affect how people perceive us.Photo credit: Canva

Our names might influence decisions we make

If your name is Dennis, are you more likely to be dentist than someone named Josh? If your name is Kelly, would you be more likely to donate Hurricane Katrina victims than someone named Molly?

Oddly enough, research basically says yes. In the aggregate, people tend to make decisions about their lives that align with the first letter of their name. Study results indicate that to move to states that resemble their names, choose careers that begin with the first letter of their name, choose brand names that share phonetic qualities with their own names, choose romantic partners that have similar last names, contribute to politicians with names that start with the same letter as their own name, etc.

Yes, one study even found that people whose names shared an initial with a hurricane name were more likely to donate to that hurricane's disaster relief efforts than others.

Again, these study findings are in aggregate, so we can't draw any individual conclusions based on any individual's name, but those findings indicate that names do make a difference.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Our names can reveal our cultural identities

If you see the names Jerry, Juan, Jakob, Jayvon, and Jahan, you likely picture a different ethnicity or race or cultural identity for each one. Names are cultural, there's no question about it, and that reality can mean different things in different contexts.

There's the famous research showing that resumes with "white-sounding" names were more likely to be called for interviews over resumes with non-white names, despite have the exact same qualifications. So our names being associated with cultural or racial identities can result in discrimination when people's prejudices, whether conscious or unconscious, get in the way.

But race and ethnicity aren't the only cultural elements our names can reveal. Whether you have a traditional name or a unique name can reveal information about your family culture, such as whether or not your family or your community are more or less individualistic. Research shows that more unique names are more common among regions of the U.S. that were more recently part of the frontier, and that countries that are more individualistic tend to have more uncommon names. So even if your name is something your parents conjured out of thin air, it may not be as hard as you might think to narrow down some cultural information about you based just on your unique name.

man holding up a name tagDoes it really matter what your name is?Photo credit: Canva

It matters whether you like your name or not

One of the most interesting, though perhaps not surprising, findings in studies on names is that people who don't like their names tend to be less psychologically well-adjusted than those who like their names. Since our names are attached to our identities in a direct way, dissatisfaction with one's name would logically correlate with negative feelings about oneself and vice versa.

But it doesn't take an official study to know that going through life with a name you don't like would just stink. Thankfully, our names aren't written in stone. I've known several people who have changed their name in adulthood, deciding they were done being called a name that didn't suit them for whatever reason.

There's no way to predict what the next "Karen" will be or to know whether a child will actually like the name they're given or not, so parents must strike a balance between being thoughtful about naming a child and being overly anxious about getting it wrong. In the end, if a name turns out to be a poor choice, it can always be changed. Life's too short to fret over a name, and it's also too short to keep one you hate.

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11 old-timey frugal living habits younger generations need to bring back ASAP

"A penny saved is a penny earned" hits harder in economically uncertain times.

Photo by Jimmy Dean on Unsplash

Learning to cook can save a lot over eating out.

Though people can't seem to agree on what makes the American economy "good" or "bad" (with people's perceptions being heavily influenced by who sits in the White House at any given time), there's no question that economic uncertainty is on many people's minds. Middle-agers who lived through the Great Recession of 2008 and the COVID-19 pandemic of the early 2020s know how fast economic stability can falter, and youngsters have started their adult lives with unaffordable housing and education as well as post-COVID inflation driving up the cost of everyday living.

With a major upheaval of the U.S. government unfolding in early 2025, uncertainty seems to be the theme of the day. When financial instability hits, it's time to take measures to mitigate it however we can, and thankfully, we can learn a thing or two from our elders who lived through the money struggles of two world wars and the Great Depression. Frugality was a way of life for our grandparents and great-grandparents, and though times have changed—a lot—many of those wise ways to save money still stand. And the good news is that many of them are good for the environment and our health as well as our wallet, so

Here are some of the easiest, best frugal living habits we can take from previous generations:

couple cooking togetherCooking can be fun and a money saver. Photo by Jimmy Dean on Unsplash

Cook from scratch

Even with the cost of groceries being higher than they were, it's almost always significantly cheaper to eat at home than it is to eat out. Learning to cook is a useful and enjoyable (for many) hobby that can also save you money, as long as you're not trying to cook something overly fancy. Cooking doesn't have to be complicated, and it's never been easier to find simple recipes. There are even sites that will come up with a menu and recipes for you based on what you already have in your pantry. Stock up on basic ingredients, keep it simple, and find some favorite meals that you can whip up quickly and easily.

Less meat, more beans

Meat is pricey—especially good quality meat—and with animal-borne diseases becoming more of a concern, animal products in general are getting more expensive. Perhaps now would be a good time to transition to more of a plant-based lifestyle, making more use of cheaper protein sources like beans. Canned beans are generally quite affordable, but dried beans are even cheaper if you don't mind taking the time to soak and cook them. If you have an Instant Pot, it's super easy to batch cook dry beans, which you can then store cooked in the freezer for quick reheating.

stainless steel bowls of spicesBulk spices are often a fraction of the price of jarred. Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Buy herbs and spices in bulk

Spices in jars are stupidly expensive sometimes, and you might assume that's just what they cost. But if you've never shopped in the bulk spice section at a store—even at an expensive health food store—you might be surprised by how much cheaper it is. Leafy herbs like oregano, thyme, basil, and sage weigh almost nothing, so even if they cost $20/lb, a jar's worth is often pennies to the dollar cheaper than buying them already packaged. (Just beware heavier spices, as sometimes those can be just as expensive as jarred. Definitely worth comparing, though.)

Borrow and barter

When times are tough, getting by becomes a community effort, but there's no reason we have to wait for an actual economic depression to help one another out or scratch one another's backs. We all have things that sit around not being used much of the time that others might like to borrow, from tools to books. Trading services can be an excellent way to save money in a win-win way.

hands in a gardenGrowing your own food can save a bunch in the long run. Photo by Sandie Clarke on Unsplash

Grow a garden

During the pandemic, many people started growing WWII-style "victory gardens" simply because they could, but gardening can be a great way to save on produce and herbs. If you can start early in the spring and grow from seed, even better. Though learning to keep a garden thriving can be a little trickier than it looks, the savings can be impressive. For instance, one tomato plant can harvest 10 to 20 pounds of tomatoes, so even if you spend $5 on a starter plant, you can save a ton compared to produce section prices at the store. No yard? Gardening in containers works, too.

Clean with vinegar and baking soda

It may seem like a small thing, but lots of small things like cleaning products add up. Buying vinegar in bulk and diluting it 50/50 with water makes a great basic cleaner, and baking soda in bulk can help you scour surfaces as well. Vinegar smell doesn't last long, but you can always add a little essential oil to the mix to add some scent. You might need a stronger disinfectant for certain cleaning jobs, but for a basic cleanser, vinegar gets the job done.

Reuse or reutilize containers

So many foods we buy come in jars or containers, most which get tossed or recycled. Then we go out and buy containers for storing leftovers or other things. Aesthetically, I get it. But practically and financially, reusing or reutilizing containers makes more sense, even if you just use them once or twice and then toss or recycle. Plus, if you reuse jars or containers you're not planning to keep, you can write on them with a Sharpie without feeling like you ruined it.

woman riding white bikeBike more. Photo by Murillo de Paula on Unsplash

Drive less

Americans love to drive and many of us do it far more often than we need to, spending more on gas than necessary. And even though gas prices have come down most places, it still isn't cheap. Combining trips or making a once a week "errand day" can help us cut down on driving. So can carpooling or biking or walking more.

Buy used

Thrift store shopping can save a ton of money, especially if you shop around to various thrift shops to find the ones that actually have good stuff at low prices. Clothes especially can be a much better deal used than new, and no one will ever know the difference. Furniture is also a fraction of the cost used vs. new, and often older furniture is better quality anyway. Check Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist and other online markets for used items before running to the store or buying something new online.

person wearing black and gray jacket in front of bookshelfLibraries usually have a lot more to offer than just books. Photo by matthew Feeney on Unsplash

Utilize your public library

Public libraries are treasure troves of free stuff, and not enough people take full advantage of them. Not only can you get books, but many libraries have huge collections of movies or other entertainment. Some have art collections you can check out, others have tools and household items you can borrow. There are also free book clubs, lectures, classes and other activities that can add to your social calendar without spending anything.

Make do with what you have

This might sound like a no-brainer, but many of us have gotten into the habit of buying whatever we think we need simply because it's convenient. Amazon has created some habitual buying habits that we might want to rethink if we're trying to save money. Do you really need a new jacket or is the one you have still perfectly usable? Is there still some life left in that pair of shoes? Even holding off on buying things for a month or two and making do with what you have can help you save money and see that you don't need as much as you might think.

Lots of small savings can add up, so don't assume that a few cents or a dollar here and there don't matter. Once you get into these habits, you may even find that frugal living to be a preferred way of life, regardless of your financial situation. It certainly can't hurt to try it.

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