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Finance expert deftly points out the double standard between men's and women's hobbies

Maybe manicures and lattes aren't that "silly" after all.

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Are women's manicures the new avocado toast?

We’ve all heard millennial money woes get blamed on “frivolous” purchases like avocado toast, which is, as we know, both laughable and maddening. But just ask financial expert Tori Dunlap, and there are other "double standards” regarding spending habits that are just as frustrating…one prime example being the way we view women’s hobbies versus men’s hobbies.

“I did all this research for my bookFinancial Feministabout the way women spend money versus men, and the frivolous spending, the spending that is the reason you can’t get rich or the reason you can’t get ahead, is only feminine spending,” Dunlap noted in a video posted to her TikTok.

As for “women’s hobbies,” Dunlap listed lattes, manicures, and shopping. Granted, these activities can add up (especially with the price of coffee these days) but often they are shared experiences with friends, or a form of self care (few things are as empowering as a fresh set of nails, after all). So there’s an added mental health benefit.

And yet, it’s these purchases that are “the reason women aren’t rich.” Meanwhile, hobbies traditionally seen as masculine, like NFL season tickets, sports betting, golf and video games, obviously warrant a far heftier price tag, and yet are seen as much more acceptable pastimes.

@herfirst100k 🤯
♬ original sound - Tori Dunlap — Money Expert 💸


Dunlap’s point clearly struck a nerve with many women, who shared their own experiences of being questioned about the frugality of their own hobbies by the men in their life whose choice of entertainment cost a small fortune.

“My husband has probably $20,000 worth of gym equipment. I really just wanted a Dyson air wrap 😂,”

My coworkers & boss made fun of me for spending $200 on a concert ticket ONE time meanwhile they spend $150 on golf EVERY WEEKEND. Not to mention the season tickets to baseball and football game,”

“My dad's tools cost like $100 each but he complains when my mom goes to Micahel’s once a month.”

It was also interesting seeing how many women’s hobbies still served others in some way, whereas men’s hobbies only served themselves.

For example, one person wrote, “I spent $600 on an embroidery machine I can use year-round and for various projects and for gift giving…we spent $3800 on golf clubs for my husband to go golfing 2 to 7 times a year.”

This might come across as a battle of the sexes, but there’s a broader underlying theme at work here. Much like the avocado toast controversy of yore, we see an advantaged subset of society blaming a more disadvantaged group for consuming ‘luxuries,’ rather than seeing the system that creates the disadvantages in the first place. In other words, are we really going to chastise folks for a little retail therapy instead of the money hoarding, resource exploiting billionaires and corporations that give us the real issues? C’mon.

As Dunlap put it, “The reason women aren’t rich is because of systemic oppression.”

Still, at least we can all agree that hobbies do us a world of good—especially if they get us off of blasted screens. So really, as long as it truly does no harm, let’s just let people find joy wherever they can. Be it at sports stadiums, or at the salon.

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Salesman shares the 2 phrases that will make salespeople leave you alone when shopping

"I'm just looking," doesn't work.

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A salesman selling a car to a skeptical woman.

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.”

TikTok's @RussFlipsWhips is a car salesman who went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with over 345,000 views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “Secondly, every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."


Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?" or “I’m really not in the market for a car.”


@russflipswhips

Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who may not qualify for a loan. “The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked. “I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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17 hilarious memes that anyone who's ever worked in retail will completely understand

"Can I speak with your manager?"

It takes a special type of person to work in retail without losing their mind. Retail jobs are both mentally and physically taxing and the pay isn’t usually that great either. Most retail workers spend all day on their feet and they have to have a pleasant attitude even when dealing with the most difficult customers.

On top of customer drama, there’s inevitably a boss or manager lurking around to make sure you didn’t take too long of a lunch break or that you’re wearing the appropriate amount of flair.

One great thing about retail is being able to bond with coworkers who are going through the same thing. Retail employees tend to be friendly, social people so it’s a great environment to build friendships. You’re gonna need somebody on your side after you’ve spent an hour dealing with a customer who keeps demanding they speak to your manager.

The Retail Problems Instagram page does a perfect job of explaining what it’s like to work in retail through hilarious memes that anyone who’s ever had to work a cash register understands.

Here are 17 of the best memes at Retail Problems.

1.

Retail workers should be eligibile for Academy Awards.

2.

The first thing you lose after taking a retail job is your love for Christmas music. Having to hear the same 25 songs on repeat for eight hours a day is seriously traumatizing. I left my retail job in 2004 and it took 15 years for me to be able to listen to Christmas music again.

3.

Having a retail job is like being on a treadmill. No matter how hard you work, you never seem to get anywhere.

4.

The coworker who switches shifts with you at the last minute is worth more than gold.

5.

You'll never truly understand what the general public is like until you've spent at least six months on the floor of a retail store dealing with people from all walks of life.

6.

A great way to see what someone's character is like is to go out with them to a restaurant. You can learn a lot about someone by watching them interact with a server. Good people go out of their way to be nice. Entitled people do whatever they can to make the server's life miserable because they can't fight back.

7.

"The badge says I work here."

8.

Coworkers in a retail job are like war buddies.

9.

There should be a law making it illegal to subject anyone to more than four hours of Christmas music a day. It gets burned into your head and never goes away, even when you're not at work.

10.

Seasoned retail people know to avoid their managers at the end of the day. They're known for suprising you at the end of your shift with one last task. "Could you go clean up the register on aisle six? Do you have some time to put up the new signs for the sale tomorrow?"

11.

"Just start with the number at the top of the receipt and we'll go form there, ok?"

12.

Murphy's law of retail: the fewer the employees, the more the customers.

13.

Everyone working in retail should have received hazard pay for having to be around people during a pandemic.

14.

Retail people are the masters of going from joking around with a coworker to quickly throwing on their professional smile to ask, "How may I help you?"

15.

In retail, success can feel like failure. If you get your job done quickly, they pile more work on your plate.

16.

There are few things that feel lonelier than when your bestie at work finds a new job and leaves you behind.

17.

The register is the great equalizer.


This article originally appeared on 12.21.21

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Expert shares the one way to be in a 'position of power' when talking to someone intimidating

A communications expert shows you how to be comfortable in a tense situation.

via Tim Gouw/Unsplash

A woman in a tough job interview.

We’ve all been in conversations with intimidating people. It could be the boss, someone you met at a party who is highly intelligent, or a date with someone you want to impress but are feeling a bit uncomfortable.

In all these situations, there is an imbalance of power and you feel like you’re on the high end of the teeter-totter.

To learn how to give yourself a bit more power in the interaction and even the upper hand, we need go no further than the landmark book on communications, Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic, “How to Make Friends and Influence People.” In the book, he writes, “Be a good listener. Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.”

To go a step further, a thoughtful question will make the other person think you’re intelligent, both mentally and emotionally. It may also make them reflective and feel vulnerable, leveling the playing field.



Why is asking great questions so important?

“Asking a question puts you in a position of power,” communication expert Matt Abrahams, a Stanford University lecturer, tells CNBC Make It. “I can actually raise my status and lower your status when I ask a challenging question.” He adds that asking questions “demonstrates you care, it demonstrates empathy, it demonstrates you’re willing to learn and, in some cases, admit you don’t know everything. Those are all valuable tools and assets to have when you’re trying to grow your career or deepen relationships.”

How to ask great questions

Abrahams says that there are three elements to good questions:

  1. They are concise
  2. They build on what the other person has said, furthering the conversation
  3. They revolve around the conversation topic’s bottom line

A great question allows you to enter the person’s orbit and become a partner or contributor to their endeavors. You are now a collaborator in the project or helping them solve a problem, which enables you to deepen your relationship with them.

Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie K. John at Harvard Business Review say people don’t ask enough questions because they fail to understand how beneficial they are, especially in a professional setting. “Questioning is a uniquely powerful tool for unlocking value in organizations: It spurs learning and the exchange of ideas, it fuels innovation and performance improvement, it builds rapport and trust among team members. And it can mitigate business risk by uncovering unforeseen pitfalls and hazards,” they write.



What is the 43:57 conversation rule?

Study after study shows that listening and asking questions are incredibly powerful tools for building social, romantic, or professional relationships. A 2016 study found the perfect ratio of talking to listening in a conversation is the 43:57 rule.

A marketing director at Gong.io analyzed 25,537 sales calls using artificial intelligence and found that the interactions where the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened 57% of the time had the highest sales yield.

Even though this study was conducted on business interactions, it shows the power of what can happen when the customer feels heard and believes the salesperson understands their needs. It’s the same in a social situation where the person you’re talking to wants to feel valued and respected.

Ultimately, it should make many people out there breathe a sigh of relief to know that the next time they speak with someone intimidating, they don’t have to try to bowl them over with incredible wit or insights. Instead, you just have to listen and ask a few thoughtful questions, and you’ll balance the power dynamic while coming off as more likable at the same time.

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