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The 4 unspoken rules of conversation we all follow without thinking about it

They're known Grice's Maxims, and it's obvious when someone violates one of them.

Photo credit: Canva

How do we understand what we mean when we converse?

Talking to one another is one of the most basic things we do, and yet human communication is actually pretty weird when you think about it. We can't speak to everyone because none of us knows every one of the world's thousands of languages. We can say the exact same words but change their meaning simply by changing our tone of voice. Some people are avid, smooth conversationalists, and others are so anxious about social interactions that we need therapy to help us get through them.

Human conversation is complicated, no doubt. But oddly, there are some rules we all adhere to when we talk to one another that most of us aren't even aware of. These rules make conversations make sense and allow us to understand inferred or implied meanings, but we follow them so subconsciously that we probably don't recognize that we're doing it.

conversation, grice's maxims, communication, talking to someone, communicationWe follow Grice's Maxims without realizing it most of the time.Photo credit: Canva

These "rules" are known as Grice's Maxims, named for linguist and philosopher Paul Grice, who detailed these rules. Under the umbrella of the Cooperative Principle—meaning our shared understanding that conversation is meant to be a cooperative endeavor in which we strive to communicate effectively—Grice explained four maxims we all follow:

1. QUANTITY (be informative)

The quantity maxim leads us to be as informative as possible while not giving more detail than is needed.

2. QUALITY (be truthful)

The quality maxim means we tell the truth by default, not providing information that's false or lacking evidence.

3. RELATION (be relevant)

The relation maxim compels us to say things that are pertinent or related to the conversation.

4. MANNER (be clear)

The manner maxim means being brief and orderly in what we say, avoiding obscurity or ambiguity.

Tom Scott explains Grice's Maxims and gives examples of how they help us understand one another.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

For example, we use the term "vegan burgers" but not "vegan tomatoes" because "vegan" is not a necessary descriptor for tomatoes, which everyone knows are always vegan. That's Grice's first maxim of Quantity—give as much information as is required, but no more. Breaking this rule sounds strange.

We can see Grice's Maxims at work in the simple exchange in which one person says, "I'm out of petrol," and the other person says, "There's a garage down the street."

"Without context, just using the super literal, logical meaning of those sentences, there's no connection there," Scott explains. "Those are just two factual statements. But if you assume I'm trying to follow the cooperative principle, then you can automatically work out a lot more."

out of gas, out of petrol, need gas, gasoline, gas canA brief conversation about running out of gas illustrates Grice's Maxims.Photo credit: Canva

For instance, the relation maxim leads us to the conclusion that the garage probably has petrol. The quantity maxim means that "there's a garage down the street" is all you need to say to imply that you can push your car down the street, buy gas, and solve the problem of being on empty (a problem which was also implied in the first sentence, as Scott points out). The quality maxim assumes that both statements are true, and due to the manner maxim, we can assume that "garage" is just a dialectical term for a gas station.

Then Scott explained that the maxims can be violated or flouted. Violating a maxim is basically just lying and trying to deceive, but flouting these maxims can be done to say something without really saying it. He gave the example of a recommendation letter that is too brief and not informative enough, which implies that the person writing it has nothing to really recommend about the person.

What's fun about Grice's Maxims is the comedy that happens when the cooperative principle is not assumed and statements or questions are taken literally. Think of all the literal quips from "Airplane" or "The Naked Gun."

Quote I Am Serious GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy

People in the comments shared examples of exchanges that are taken literally instead of understanding the implied meaning, and it's hilarious.


"I'm out of petrol"

"That's good, it probably wasn't safe to be in it."


"Would you like something to drink?"

"What are my options?"

"Yes and no."


"Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee"

"Wrong, it's tea."


"I'm seeing stars."

"Did you see a doctor?"

"No, just stars."


"Hello, my name is Kevin without 'M'."

"But there is no 'M' in Kevin."

"That's what I said."


"What is your main flaw?"

"I correctly interpret the semantics of the questions, but I ignore their essence."

"Could you give an example?

"I could."


Some people pointed out that learning about these maxims could help neurodivergent people have easier conversations. Even though Scott says they aren't meant to be prescriptive, "do this" kinds of rules, knowing that they are inherent in social exchanges, is an important piece of the effective communication puzzle.

Isn't being human just fascinating?

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Education

French cultural expert shares Paris' biggest secret: Many buildings are fake

"As normal people, you have no idea."

via LucileHR/YouTube

French YouTuber Lucile.

One reason people fall in love with Paris when they see it for the first time is that it looks exactly as it does in the movies or photographs. It is romantic, charming, and effortlessly beautiful, with its elegant boulevards, old stone buildings, cozy cafés, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe.

A significant reason why Paris is so absorbing is that it is architecturally consistent, and the city and its citizens put a great deal of effort into maintaining that consistency. In a new video by Lucile, a French woman who creates cultural commentary videos about Paris and French culture, the city even goes so far as to create “fake” buildings to maintain its consistently beautiful appearance. "A lot of the fake buildings in Paris really blend in nicely with their surroundings and are so hard to spot. Just by looking at them, it would be impossible to notice,” Lucile explains.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

In the video, Lucile reveals that one building in her neighborhood appears to be a quaint French apartment building that was once social housing. Still, a little investigation shows that it's actually a massive data center complete with air conditioners on the roof—a rarity in Paris. The A/C units are there because the servers generate an incredible amount of heat.

Another building, 145, rue La Fayette, which has been called the "entrance to the underworld," is holding a secret. The doors are fake, allowing it to blend in with the neighborhood, and the roof is entirely flat. However, in reality, the entire building is actually an air vent for a French Metro.

Fake Facade in Paris hiding a Subway Vent - 145 Rue la Fayette, 75010 Paris, France.
byu/hypersite inarchitecture


Why do a lot of buildings in France have a similar design style? It’s because they underwent a massive redesign in the mid-19th century by an architect named Georges-Eugène Haussmann, a French official who served as prefect of Seine and demolished many of the old, cramped buildings from the Middle Ages. “In 1853, Haussmann came in, and he was basically given full powers to redesign Paris in a better way,” Lucile explains. “So, he went ahead, and he tore down entire neighborhoods and thousands of buildings. And instead, he built the elegant buildings and wide avenues we still have today in Paris. Haussmann really wanted to achieve a uniform look, so he put some really strict rules in place. And this is why a lot of the buildings in Paris look the same—they have the same height, the same façades, and the same balconies. Haussmann's influence on Paris was huge because today, around 60% of all of Paris' buildings are Haussmann-type buildings.”

france, paris architecture, seine, georges-eug\u00e8ne haussmann, paris buildings, historic paris2 Boulevard Haussmann, Parisvia Neoclassicism Enthusiast/Wikimedia Commons


Lucile also notes that 1972 is an important year for the city because, at a time when it was losing many classic buildings, a proposal for a brutalist block building was made to replace L'Amandier d'Or, a beautiful Haussmann design. "Luckily, people pushed back, and it became a pretty big thing. The French government had to step in, and they blocked the project, requiring the bank to preserve the façade,” Lucile explains. The amusing thing is that if you walk to the back of the preserved façade, it's actually a 1970s office building.


“This was one of the first times that Paris did the fake buildings,” Lucile says. “A lot of people wish they had kept the original building and renovated everything, not just the front. But, some other people think it's a great way to keep Paris’s charm while making room for more modern buildings. And wherever you stand, either way, this building set the trend.”

There’s something very satisfying about learning that there is a small amount of artifice in keeping Paris’s magical charm, like the false-front buildings you see at Disneyland or on a film set. But there’s something even more wonderful to know that the people of Paris, and its leaders, put so much effort into preserving its incredible ambiance.

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Education

Ex-salesman shares 2 clever phrases that will make car dealers leave you alone

They're trained to ignore "I'm just looking."

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A car salesman leaks secret phrases to stop pushy salesmen in their tracks

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. Heck, even much smaller stakes shopping like walking through the mall or browsing jewelry can be wracked with anxiety over potentially running into a pushy salesman. And don't even get me started on the door-to-door variety who come around at dinnertime trying to sell you a new roof.

But it's car salesmen, in particular, who have the worst reputation. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.” The words will not deter them, as they're trained to push past those objectives by pestering with you questions and "encouraging" you to move the sale forward.

A car salesman on TikTok recently went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and, crucially, providing more effective phrases you can use instead.


cars, car salesman, new car, wacky waving inflatable arm tube man, sales, shopping, anxietyThe only care salesman I really trust.Giphy

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with nearly 2 million views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “

'Secondly," he goes on, "every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."

Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?"

The second phrase, which is even more clear that you want the salesman to go away, is: “I’m really not in the market for a car.”

These responses are firm and direct, leaving little to no room for interpretation or push back. Watch Russ explain the process and why it works here:

@russflipswhips

Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who had a few effective ideas of their own:

“The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked.

“I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

"If 'I’m just looking' doesn’t work, I usually wait until they go home, follow them home, stare into their bedroom window at night, and repeat the line when he comes out to ask what I’m doing," someone commented.

Others chimed in with their own stories, or support of Russ' advice:


cars, car salesman, new car, wacky waving inflatable arm tube man, sales, shopping, anxietyThe only people with a worse reputation than car salesmen is used car salesmen!Giphy

"My first week in the business, one of the older guys told me to say 'I’ll look with ya' the first time I used that line, sold a car to the customer’s daughter and upgraded his lease"

"I just say ‘Ill come get you when Im ready’ and if they dont immediately go away, and I do find a car that I want, they will not be the one catching the sale."

"I once told a salesman I was just looking and ended up leaving with a new car"

Plenty of viewers chimed in that the really good salespeople know when to respect someone's wishes and back off. If a salesman is too pushy, it can be a huge turnoff for customers — even if they really are almost ready to buy.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.

Russ has developed a following of over 750,000 followers giving advice to people in the auto industry and helping customers be prepared for one of the biggest purchases of their lifetime.


@russflipswhips

Asking the right questions when buying a car can save you a lot #carsales #carsalesman #carbuyingtips #cardealership

With so much info at our fingertips, we've come a long way from the days of car salesmen holding all the power and tricking customers with elaborate games and negotiating tricks. But... that doesn't change the fact that, sometimes, we just want to look around without being pressured.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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History (Education)

1981 Afterschool Special, 'The Wave', still holds up with its lessons about fascism

The chilling story was based on a real high school experiment.

Image by Elias from Pixabay

"The Wave" demonstrates how easy it is to pull people into fascism.

"What are you watching?" my 13-year-old son asked.

"An old Afterschool Special," I responded.

"What's an 'Afterschool Special'?" he asked.

Hoo boy. Kids these days have no idea how different television was for those of us who grew up in the '80s or how many core memories we have wrapped up in the ABC Afterschool Special.

I briefly explained and then he sat down to watch with me. It was 2022. A discussion about fascism on X had led me to look up "The Wave," a 1981 ABC Afterschool Special based on a real-life high school experiment in Palo Alto, California, in 1967.

In the real experiment, first-year history teacher Ron Jones had students at Cubberley High School engage in a simulation of how fascism spreads as part of a lesson on World War II, with him playing the role of the dictator. His intent was to show skeptical students how the Nazis came to power by creating a social movement he dubbed the Third Wave.

afterschool special, family, kids, specials, afterschool programmingFamily watching television. Image via Canva.

"It started out as a fun game with the most popular teacher at school," Mark Hancock, one of the students in Jones' history homeroom class, told Palo Alto Online in 2017. "He told us, 'If you're an active participant, I'll give you an A; if you just go along with it, I'll give you a C; if you try a revolution, I'll give you an F, but if your revolution succeeds, I'll give you an A.'"

Hancock said he started off planning to get that revolution A, but it quickly grew beyond grades and turned into something real. "At the end, I was scared to death," he shared.

It began with Jones rallying the students around the idea of "strength through discipline" and "strength through community." He had them engage in regimented behaviors and handed out membership cards. At first, it was just fun, but students began to enjoy feeling like part of a special community. Jones pushed the importance of following the rules. The students even formed a "secret police" to monitor other students, and if someone broke a Third Wave rule, they'd be reported and publicly "tried" by the class.

The students got wrapped up in it to a frightening degree and even Jones found himself enjoying the way the students responded to him. "It was pretty intoxicating," he told Palo Alto Online.

But according to Verde Magazine, Jones felt like he'd lost control of it by the fourth day.

The experiment ended at the end of the week with a rally. Jones told the students they were actually part of a real national Third Wave movement and that the national leader was going to speak to them at the rally. Jones turned on the televisions to white static and watched the students eagerly wait for their leader to speak. That's when he broke the news to them that they'd fallen for a totalitarian regime. Instead of a Third Wave leader speech, he played them a video of a Nazi rally.

Nazi rally, history, fascism, nazi germany, nazism Nazi Party Congress in Nuremberg, September 8, 1938.Image via Canva.

According to a school newspaper at the time, most students were disillusioned. But one student said, "It was probably the most interesting unit I've had. It was successful in its goal to achieve the emotions of the Germans under the Nazi regime."

"The Wave" follows the true story quite closely and still holds valuable lessons. One chilling scene shows a kid who had been sort of an outcast prior to the "movement" saying, "For the first time, I feel like I'm a part of something great." He was particularly crushed to find out it was all a fascist facade.

As is the cyclical nature of history, "The Wave" and what it can teach us is especially relevant today. According to NPR, "a survey of more than 500 political scientists finds that the vast majority think the United States is moving swiftly from liberal democracy toward some form of authoritarianism." The benchmark survey, known as Bright Line Watch, had "U.S.-based professors rate the performance of American democracy from zero (dictatorship) to 100 (perfect democracy)," noted NPR. "After President Trump's election in November, scholars gave American democracy a rating of 67. Several weeks into Trump's second term, that figure plummeted to 55."

John Carey, co-director of Bright Line Watch and a professor of government at Dartmouth, summed up the matter by saying, "We're moving in the wrong direction."

Since President Trump's election in November, various publications worldwide have suggested that much of Trump's rhetoric echoes that of Nazi Germany, with some pointing out parallels between each administration's first 100 days in office. Other publications have criticized the comparison.

At any rate, this afterschool special is incredibly timely. If you can get past the '80s aesthetic, it's worth watching. Even my teen kids got into it, once they stopped making fun of the hair and film quality.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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