Swim coach Jason Siegel expertly navigated a moment with an affectionate toddler.
Any adult who works with kids in the modern era knows what a minefield physical affection can be. Even if you have the purest of intentions, accepting a hug or a kiss from a child who doesn't belong to you may not be appropriate or wise, especially if you are in a position of authority. It's hard when a kid genuinely loves you and wants to show you affection, but part of caring for kids is helping to teach them what's okay and not okay.
A perfect example of what boundary setting can look like with a young child was shared in a video showing Superhero Swim Academy instructor Jacob Siegel at the end of a swim lesson. The toddler Siegel was teaching hugged him and then went in for a kiss. The hug was expected and welcome—"Thank you, Mila. I love Mila hugs!" the coach said. But when she started to go in for a kiss, Siegel immediately pulled back, gently saying, "No, no kissy. No kissy 'cause I'm coach. You only kiss Mommy and Daddy, okay?"
The little girl looked sad and started to cry, so he quickly gave her an acceptable alternative. "Okay, hey! High five!" he said, while holding up his hand. "High five 'cause we're all done!" She calmed right down, gave him a high five, and then he moved on to clean-up time.
Siegel's expression at the end of the video says it all—he knew that was a teachable moment that could have gone another way, but he handled it with professionalism and toddler-friendly expertise.
“Moments like that are actually powerful teaching opportunities," Siegel tells Upworthy. "I want kids to know they can love and trust their coach, but also that some kinds of affection belong at home with family. It’s about helping them understand safety and respect through love.”
People appreciated the example he set, sharing supportive comments on a Reddit share of the video:
"So sweet... I sometimes have young clients who want to give kisses and it's so cute but you do have to tell them "no" because it's an important boundary to learn. Not everyone wants kisses!"
"On top of knowing not to do it to other people, it also teaches them for themselves that other people shouldn’t be just giving them kisses."
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"The kid is absolutely adorable but that coach is on another level. Creating the boundaries while keeping it cool and recording the whole thing so the parents are extremely comfortable. Dude is setting a hell of example."
"It sounds like he's got a good balance between encouraging her growth and setting appropriate boundaries. Kids can be incredibly affectionate, and it's important to gently guide them in understanding what's suitable."
"I also think it’s important for the parents’ comfort that a grown man swimming with their young girl isn’t overstepping boundaries/being predatory. From the outside looking in, it’s hard to know for sure when something is innocent or not. It’s better to just stay away from those situations as a whole."
"The little girls I used to babysit always tried to give me kisses (they were between 2-5) and I had to tell them that I’m not related to you, so you can’t kiss me. You can hi-five or hug me, but no kisses! They still give me running tackle hugs when they see me!"
A few commenters pointed out that some cultures see kissing as totally acceptable, as it's frequently used as a friendly greeting for people of all ages and genders. But even in those cultures, boundaries based on relationships and contexts are important to learn, and it's helpful when adults help teach those lessons so it doesn't all fall on the parents.
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In an article titled "Teaching Kids About Boundaries: Why empathy and self awareness play a major role," Child Mind Institute includes a helpful video about teaching boundaries to children, and it confirms that the coach handled things in exactly the right way. In a section entitled "Rules work both ways," the institute notes that when people model their boundaries, it's important for children to empathetically listen. "People are in charge of their own bodies," writes Rae Jacobson, author of the article and senior editor at the Child Mind Institute, "and it's not okay to touch them if they don't want you to, just like it's not okay for someone to touch [you] in a way you don't like." By calmly modeling his boundaries, the swim coach gave his young swimmer a gentle but clear message about what was and was not okay and embodied both empathy and autonomy for her in a way she can understand and mirror when she's older.
Coach Siegel has shared various videos showing how he teaches kids much more than just how to swim. Check out this video where he helps a little one emotionally regulate:
Well done, Coach. Thanks for giving us all such a fabulous example to follow. You can find more from Coach Siegel on the Superhero Swim Academy Instagram page.
This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.