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Family

Mom explains the common Boomer parenting style that still affects many adults today

Many are relieved to finally have a term for this experience.

boomer parents, parenting styles, dishonest harmony
Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood for the sake of saving face.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”


@parkrosepermaculture Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact ♬ original sound - Parkrose Permaculture


“Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Humor

A mortified server accidentally gave customer a $5750 bottle of wine. Her manager had her back.

A perfect response to a $5717 mistake.

Canva Photos, Hawksmoor Manchester

An unwitting server accidentally gave away a nearly $6000 bottle of wine

Ever screw up royally at work? There’s nothing worse than that sinking feeling that comes when you realize you have to fess up to your manager. Next comes the uncertainty over whether you’ll keep your job or not. If your mistake happens to be one that costs your company money, let alone a significant amount of it, the stress is unimaginable.

A server at the Hawksmoor Manchester steakhouse and cocktail bar in England went through that same experience. She accidentally served a customer a £4500 ($5750) bottle of Chateau le Pin Pomerol 2001 instead of the £260 ($33) Bordeaux they ordered.


wine, red wine, wine glass, vintage wine, fine wine, fine dining, funny restaurant storiesYou have to wonder if normal people can even tell if they're drinking a $6,000 bottle of wine Photo by Jeff Siepman on Unsplash

The server didn't realize the mistake right away. It wasn't until later that a manager clocked the switch, leaving the poor waiter absolutely mortified. It's not every day that a server makes a $5700 mistake! The few that do rarely end up keeping their jobs.

However, the server’s manager decided to handle the situation with grace and humor, posting a lighthearted message on Twitter.

"To the customer who accidentally got given a bottle of Chateau le Pin Pomerol 2001, which is £4500 on our menu, last night - hope you enjoyed your evening! To the member of staff who accidentally gave it away, chin up! One-off mistakes happen and we love you anyway," they wrote.


The manager even went a step further and excused the mistake by saying the bottles “look pretty similar.”

The post went mega viral, racking up over 53,000 Likes on Twitter/X. Commenters praised management and ownership for letting the server off the hook for an honest mistake.

"As someone who works in hospitality, bless you for being understanding and not flying off the handle at the poor lad/lass."

"Now that’s a good employer! Mistakes do happen, sadly some employees aren’t as forgiving and only see the value of what was lost. I’m certain your understanding and forgiving manner towards the member of your staff will win you more customers!"

"This is such a great way to deal with a member of staff who has made a genuine mistake - great to read about it, well done to the management team & a lot of leaders could learn a thing or two from this story. Thanks for sharing the story."

Working in any kind of customer service, especially food service, is brutally difficult and under-appreciated. These kinds of employees absolutely deserve some grace, so it's heartwarming to see them finally get some.

Other users teased that if this was the kind of service they could expect from the restaurant, they'd be making a reservation ASAP.

"How can I book a table?" someone joked.


Hawksmoor founder Will Beckett later clarified the story to BBC News saying that the server had been working with a manager from another location because it was a busy night. The manager accidentally grabbed the wrong bottle and the customer apparently didn’t notice the mistake. (Sure they didn't.)

Beckett said the server is “brilliant,” but he’s still going to “tease her for this when she stops being so mortified.”


wine, white wine, red wine, fine dining, sommelier, expensive wineAll wine is good wine. Cheers!Giphy

Some users questioned the very nature of a nearly $6000 bottle of wine. To be fair, reviews of the vintage call it "perfection," "luxury," and a "thrilling experience." Still, it can be hard for people to wrap their minds around such extravagance.

"Is no-one else disgusted by the fact that a restaurant charges £4,500 for a bottle of wine in the first place? No wine is worth that much; it's pure & excessive extravagance for the sake of it & I find it vile," a user commented.

Beckett followed up in another post adding that, while the wine was expensive, the restaurant has raised over £1 million ($1.3 million) for the Wood Street Mission children's charity.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Joy

Man tries to rescue a lone stray kitten and ends up with 13 fur babies

This is a story of the cat distribution system on steroids.

Photo credit: Canva

He got way more than he bargained for.

We've all heard of the "cat distribution system," which refers to the idea that cats seemingly "choose" their owners by appearing in people's lives at the right time, as if by some preordained fate. You'll find social media, which already favors cat-related content, awash with stories of folks who were magically bestowed with a feline friend…especially during kitten season, when there's an abundance of teeny tiny fur babies searching for a home.

That’s what happened to Robert Brantley of Louisiana—times 13. This is a story of the cat distribution system on steroids.

Brantley was on his way to work and spotted a tiny white and gray kitten trying to get across the street. Being a kind human, he stopped his car to bring the kitten to safety. But he got more than he bargained for, because as he was scooping up the little thing, several more kitty cat siblings came running out of the nearby grass.

In all, Brantley counted 13 kittens. That's twelve more than he planned on caring for, but he and his family took their roles as cat rescuers seriously. Which is much needed, considering humane societies and shelters are even more over-capacity in need of support from foster families during litter seasons, which starts in early spring and lasts throughout the summer.

In a follow-up video, Brantley's wife donned the cleaned up kitties in their Sunday best to have a photoshoot in her makeshift studio, in hopes that a purrfectly adorable picture would entice potential owners. One kitten could even be seen sporting a bow tie while the others climbed around the enclosure patiently awaiting their turn. Who could resist?

Since making his epic rescue, it looks like all the cats have been rescued, minus one, which they've named Scout. But Brantley is still very much a "kitten wrangler" according to his Instagram. As well as the occasional monkey wrangler, it seems?

May more people take Brantley’s lead to foster the kittens or puppies they find if they have the means. Although, with kittens under 8 weeks old, it is advised to actually leave them be, if found outdoors, as it's likely their mother (who is their best caregiver) is likely nearby. In these circumstances, it's best to wait several hours, or even a full day, to see if the mother returns. She could only be temporarily gone while searching for food, or even waiting for the humans to amscray. One helpful tip from Alleycat.org: sprinkle flour near the kittens’ nest. If the mother cat returns, she will leave paw prints.

Of course, there are times when newborn kittens will in fact need to be taken in and looked after, during which they'll need "round-the-clock care to survive," according to Alleycat.org. If you find yourself in this situation, contact your local shelter to see if they participate in a Wait Until 8 program, which provides tools and instructions, like kitten care kits, to ensure a kitten’s caregiver has everything they need.

The cat distribution system might seems magical (and it is!), but it still requires real effort from us humans.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Teachers

Teacher courts 'controversy' by admitting that students need to be told their reading level

She says students need a "reality check."

via Canva/Photos

A teacher showing her students their grades.

The results from 2024’s National Assessment of Educational Progress found that the slide in American students' reading abilities has only worsened. The percentage of 8th graders with “below basic” reading skills was 33%, the lowest in the exam’s three-decade history. The percentage of fourth graders “below basic” was the largest in 20 years, 40%.

“Our lowest performing students are reading at historically low levels,” said Peggy Carr, commissioner of the National Center for Education Statistics, which gives the NAEP exam. “We need to stay focused in order to right this ship.”

A big reason for the drop was the disruption in education caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, but educators are looking to see if there are other causes behind the drop in competency. “This is a major concern — a concern that can’t be blamed solely on the pandemic,” Carr said. “Our nation is facing complex challenges in reading.”

@amber.mariee44

Please give your feedback I can’t tell if this is a good idea or not #teacher #teachersbelike #teachertok #teacherlife #teachersoftiktok #highschool #literacy

Alarmed by the drop in reading scores, a high school teacher named Amber, who goes by @Amber.Maree44 on TikTok, is considering telling her students the grade level in which they read in hopes that it will motivate them and give them a reality check on their performance.

“I'm starting to think that we need to be more straightforward with students about their progress and where they're at academically,” Amber said. "I think they need to know what grade level they're performing at."

Amber’s perspective may also be helpful to parents. A 2023 study found a massive chasm between how parents think their child is performing and how they are compared to grade-level standards. Nearly nine out of ten parents thought their child was at grade level, while about half were below grade level nationally.

students, teachers grades, amber teacher, literacy rates, declining scores, american educationA teacher talking to a student about grades.via Canva/Photos

“I'm hesitant to do this because I know that we don't want students to feel bad about themselves, and I know that we don't know that we don't want to discourage students by showing them their deficits. So I think, for a lot of students, having a real reality check like that where it's like, 'Hey, you're in high school. but it looks like you're reading at a fifth-grade level,' I think some students need that in order to push themselves to actually try in school."

Amber’s suggestion runs counter to some in education who believe that if children are told they are below grade level, it will discourage them from reading. This may further deter their progress, and it is far from an imperfect process to determine where a child is with their reading skills.

students, teachers grades, amber teacher, literacy rates, declining scores, american educationA young girl reading a book in school. via Canva/Photos

Amber believes that a big reason why 54% of adults cannot read at a fifth-grade level is because no one told them, so they don’t know they need help improving their reading skills.

To combat the literacy crisis, Amber was considering having her students take an online literacy test to determine their grade level; she doesn’t need to know the results because she already knows where they are from previous tests. Then, so no student feels singled out, she can have a dialog with her students who have fallen behind about how they can improve their skills. This approach is a happy medium where student learn where they are without being shamed by their teacher and are given some options for enhancing their skills.

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Joy

Friends surprise woman with unforgettable 50th birthday weekend in her late mom's house

"I’d watch this feel good movie 🥹♥️."

kristidjohnsonfam/Instagram

Woman surprised by friends for 50th birthday with stay in her late mom's house.

Childhood friendships can never be replicated. Years of memories and going through the highs and lows of life together create an irreplaceable bond.

And Instagrammer Kristi Johnson (@kristijohnsonfam) is lucky to have the same group of friends since she was in 7th grade. To celebrate her 50th birthday, they rallied around her and gave her the surprise of a lifetime–a weekend stay in her mom's old house, who passed away from cancer in 2021.

"That time I turned 50 and my mom had died of cancer...so my childhood friends did the most thoughtful thing...they reserved my mom's ACTUAL house for us to stay in for my bday weekend," she wrote in the video's caption.

In the video, Kristi shares an image of her mom at the house from 2021 before she passed away from cancer. Fast forward to 2025, the home has been re-painted and re-done as an Airbnb property.

"My sister has turned our Mom's house into an Airbnb and WE would be the very first guests," she wrote, showing off the home's interior. A highlight is a stunning portrait photograph of her mom during her younger years that hangs on a wall in the living room in her memory.

She continues, "All my friends arrived to to spend the weekend at my mom's house...just like we used to." As she films, her friends come streaming into the home for her special birthday weekend. Kristi shares some throwback photos of herself with her girlfriends, one from a school dance from 1992 and another group cheerleading picture from 1986.

"I've had the same friends since 7th grade and they thought of everything for my 50th birthday," she writes as a photo of herself posing in front of the home is shown. "They had all our favorite childhood snacks at my party weekend. They had bday crowns and tiaras for me. We haven't changed a bit."

And viewers loved the wholesome video. "You are the richest woman in the world surrounded by all that love♥️❤️♥️," one wrote. Another commented, "OMG! I would have fell out crying every time a friend came through the door they would have had to pick my up from the floor. This is beautiful ♥️." And another added, "I’d watch this feel good movie 🥹♥️." And another viewer wrote, "You are blessed to experience such lifelong supportive friendships spanning over 4 decades."

Kristi has shared more about her mom in a number of other videos. She was a selfless woman who was determined to make it to her 70th birthday--which she did, celebrating the milestone on January 1, 2021. Her mom was also incredibly kind and caring. In another video, she shared that during her cancer battle, she encouraged Kristi to get a knee surgery she had been putting off just so she could help take care of her afterwards.

"She slept in a chair beside me at night. She cleaned and cooked for two whole days despite her own pain," she shared. "I snapped pictures of her, fearing it would be the last time she stayed at my house."

Unfortunately, it was. "She was gone a few months later," she added. In her honor, her family threw her a party rather than a traditional funeral. "We covered an event hall with all her beautiful pictures and all her art she created. I used all my mom's recipes and made all her favorite foods she was known for. She taught us to care for others...hope we are making her proud."

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16 sounds that send Gen Xers and boomers down memory lane and young people don't recognize

From the purr of a rotary phone to the "ka-chunk" of manual credit card machines, so many sounds have disappeared.

Photo credit: Canva

Who remembers these sounds?

When we conjure up memories from our past, we usually see them as images or pictures, perhaps even as reels in our minds. But visual memories are only part of our recall. Anyone who's tasted a long-forgotten meal or smelled a loved one's perfume or heard a specific song and been sent straight back to another time knows how all of our senses play a role in memory.

Other than music, may not think of sounds as particularly memory triggering, but when someone asked Gen Xers and boomers what sounds were commonplace when they were younger that we don't hear anymore, it became clear that they are. Most of probably don't think of these things often, but seeing a whole list of outdated sounds quickly sends those of a certain age straight down memory lane.

For instance:

VHS tapes rewinding

You physically went to Blockbuster. You rented a movie on VHS. You watched it. Then you had to "Be Kind, Rewind" before returning the movie, and that sound of the tape rewinding is a totally distinctive sound. Some people even had machines that were just for rewinding tapes at a faster speed than the VHS player.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Dial tones and busy signals

The first time one of my Gen Z kids picked up a landline phone and heard the dial tone, they jumped and said, "Ah, why is the phone yelling at me?!" And playing the sound of a busy signal totally creeps them out—"That so eerie!" But back in the day, these sounds were just a normal part of making phone calls. In fact, it took us older folks a while to get used to not having a dial tone on our cell phones.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The purr of a rotary phone dialing

There was something so soothing about the sound of dialing a phone number on a rotary phone. Everyone hated when a phone number had a lot of zeroes in it, simply because it took so long to dial, but oh was it satisfying to hear the purr of the wheel as it wound back.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Sonic booms and cars backfiring

It wasn't unusual to hear what sounded like a big explosion or what sounded like gunfire back in the day. When the goal in aviation was to get faster and faster, it became common for supersonic flights to break the sound barrier, creating what's known as a sonic boom. However, supersonic flight has been banned over land in many countries for decades, so it's not a common occurrence anymore.


@cleoabram

Sonic booms dont work like many people think... As any plane flies, it pushes air out of its path, creating pressure waves. When a plane flies FASTER than sound, the air molecules get compressed into bigger shock waves which our brain processes as a loud BOOM. But a common misconception is: That boom doesn’t just happen once when the plane hits that speed. It boooooooooms the whole time, along the entire path of the plane. That booooooooom is the reason supersonic flight is banned over many countries today. But now, NASA is trying to build a quieter plane and bring back supersonic flight. We got to go see it, and you can watch our longer episode about what we saw... This video is part of our show Huge If True. If you like optimistic science and tech stories, follow for more. #tech #supersonic #plane #airplane #animation #NASA #fast #stem

Cars rarely backfire anymore, either, due to advances in car manufacturing.

Dial-up internet modem squawks

Nothing was more futuristic sounding than dialing into the internet in the early 90s, but it quickly became antiquated with the advent of broadband internet. But that little slice of time when dial-up internet was all we had left a distinct sound memory in all of our psyches.

It's an almost impossible sound to imitate accurately, but we all recognize it when we hear it. (And yes, kids, it was always this annoying.)

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Manual credit card machines

"Cha-CHUNK." Ah, the days before electronic credit card swiping, when cashiers had to pull out the manual credit card processor, set the credit card in it, put the carbon paper on top, and then "Cha-CHUNK."

Everyone who has memories from the 90s and before can attest to remembering that sound.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Coins falling into a payphone or a toll booth

A payphone, children, was a telephone that was out in public where you could insert some coins and to make a phone call. Or, if you didn't have any coins, you could call "collect," meaning that the person who received the phone call had to agree to pay the charges on their phone bill. (Calling collect was a desperate move, by the way, totally uncool.) But the sound of the coins falling down into the telephone is still clear in many of our minds.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Same thing with a toll booth if you happened to live in an area of the country where tollways were or are a thing. Today tolls are almost all processed with digital passes, but it used to be that you had to drive through an actual tollbooth and toss your coins into a machine, with the clinking sound of the coins as they hit the metal bowl.

Emergency Broadcast System tests

These may still happen some places, but with streaming services, not many of us watch regular television or listen to the actual radio anymore. When those were our only choices, we were regularly interrupted by such tests.

"This station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test." BEEEEEEEP. And if you happen to turn on the TV during the beep, you questioned whether or not you were actually in the middle of an emergency until it was over and they repeated the announcement that "This was only a test."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Typewriter carriages returning

Even when typewriters were the norm, there was something uniquely satisfying in the sound of someone typing. Modern keyboards still offer some semblance of that soothing clickity-clickity-click, but one thing that's missing from the typewriter era is the sound of reaching the end of a line, hearing the "ding," and then returning to the typewriter carriage to the left side of the page.

This video will bring back some memories:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Dot matrix printers

Apparently, many young people don't even have printers these days, but modern printers are so much quieter than the printers we used back in the 80s. It was a pretty big deal to be able to print anything at home, so we didn't complain too much (having nothing else to compare it to) but looking back, those dot matrix printers were extraordinarily loud and annoying. And slow. If you had a long paper to print, you were going to wait a while.

Still a fun little nostalgia trip to hear one, though.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Manual pencil sharpeners

In the age of electric pencil sharpeners, most kids don't know the satisfaction of using a heavy duty, mounted metal pencil sharpener that felt like it was made to last for generations. Those things could probably survive a nuclear blast, for real.

Remember the sound of the grinding as you turned the crank? They just don't make them like they used to.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Film projectors

Few things will send a Gen Xer or boomer back to their school days like the sound of a film projector. When that machine came out, we knew we were going to be subjected to some kind of 1960s learnin' and the sound of the projector is almost enough to lull us to sleep even today.

When the film was finished and the tail of the film flipped around and around in the machine until the teacher turned it off? Classic sound none of us can forget.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Television "static"

Much like the dial tone, kids these days don't know what it's like to turn on the TV or change the channel and be met with "static" or "fuzz." It's the worst sound ever, really. And it was made worse with the film "Poltergeist" of course.

In fact, there's now a whole genre young people are into called "analog horror" that draws from sounds like those in this list to create a sense of creepiness. Who knew our normal life sounds would someday be considered scary?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What other sounds would you add to this list?

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