Therapist explains 'Orchid vs Dandelion Child' theory and how kids react differently to trauma
Are you an orchid child or a dandelion child?

Judy Lee explaining the difference between dandelion children and orchid children
Sometimes it really helps to have specific words to describe difficult experiences. Labels have their limitations, of course, but they can help prevent someone from feeling further isolated by a negative circumstance. After all, if there’s a specific phrase, analogy, etc. for what you’re going through or have gone through, then it can’t be all that uncommon. And if there are words to describe it, then there might be words to help navigate through it as well.
This is why hypnotherapist Judy Lee is sharing a term that she learned in grad school, one that changed her life and one she thinks can help others—particularly those who grew up in an abusive or unstable environment.
As Lee explains in a now-viral TikTok video, siblings who grew up in the same unsafe household often have starkly different reactions. One tends to be more resilient, while the other is more sensitive. This sensitivity manifests not only emotionally, but with certain sounds, foods (i.e allergies), certain fabrics…you get it.
“There always seems to be that sibling that does really well and the sibling that doesn’t do very well in an abusive environment,” Lee says in the video.
These are “dandelion children” and “orchid children,” respectively.
The terms, coined by pediatrician Thomas Boyce and psychologist Bruce J. Ellis, are fairly straightforward. As the names suggest, dandelion children are able to survive and even thrive under whatever circumstances befall them. Orchid children, on the other hand, wilt and wither without a good deal of nurturing, much like the orchid flower itself.
“At first glance, it seems that one is much more preferable than the other,” Lee says, referring to the dandelion child’s apparent benefits.
@theorchidchild why some siblings raised in the same traumatic environment can react differently #orchidchild #traumatok #wellnessjourney #emotionalintelligence #hypnotherapy #dandelionchild #developmentalpsychology #ancestralhealing ♬ Lift Me Up - From Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Music From and Inspired By - Rihanna
But as she explained, there is also evidence suggesting that if “an orchid child is removed from that abusive environment and grows up and is then replaced into a nurturing and nourishing environment, they can actually surpass their dandelion counterparts.”
Really, Lee’s point isn’t to suggest that one type is better than the other. It’s moreso to encourage folks who might classify themselves as orchids to “find a beautiful community to be a part of.”
She should know—she’s a thriving orchid child herself.
As Lee revealed in an interview with Buzzfeed, she had harbored resentment against her dandelion sister, who seemingly came out of their shared traumatic childhood unscathed. Highly successful, even. Lee, on the other hand, battled with both mental and chronic physical illness.
However, learning about these terms helped Lee understand her and her sister’s unique paths and strengths. It even gave her the name of her healing practice, The Orchid Child.
Since sharing her TikTok, Lee has been flooded with comments from people who felt like the terms validated their own experiences.
“My sister is an orchid and I am a dandelion. She suffered at my parent’s house. She is in a safe and happy marriage now, watching her thrive is amazing,” one person wrote.
“Cries in Orchid,” wrote another.” But also thank you for the glimmer at the end. It’s up to me who I’m around now.”
As Lee also pointed out to Buzzfeed, in reality, most children fall somewhere on the spectrum between orchid and dandelion. In fact, there’s a third term, “tulip child,” to describe a kid who falls somewhere in between the extremes. All in all these terms help to provide some nuanced context, rather than give a hard-and-fast diagnosis.
Here’s to all the dandelions, orchids and tulips out there. No matter how your upbringing caused you to grow, you’re all valuable parts of the bouquet.
If you’d like even more content from The Orchid Child, you can follow her on TikTok here.- Prince Harry shares how he uses EMDR therapy for trauma. What is it and how does it work? ›
- Maisie Williams opens up about the complicated feelings of a traumatic childhood ›
- 25 things you do as an adult when you've experienced childhood emotional abuse. ›
- As a therapist, I've never punished my children and here's why - Upworthy ›




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Mom is totally humiliated after her kindergartner tells the teacher what she does for work
She was clearly mortified.
A mom is embarrassed by her child.
One of the great joys and stresses of parenting is that you never know what will come out of your child’s mouth. When you have young, inquisitive kids, they can say really inappropriate things to people without realizing they were being rude or possibly offensive. TikTok influencer Aurora McCausland (@auroramccausland), known for her DIY cleaning tips, recently told a funny story on the platform about how her son believes she makes a living. The problem was that she heard about it from her child's teacher.
Mom is embarrassed by her child
“The other day, I went and picked my five year old up from school and when I get to his classroom his teacher pulls me inside and says, ‘Hey, today he wanted to tell us about what Mommy does for work and said that Mommy makes videos in her bedroom but only when I'm [he’s] not at home,” McCausland recalled.
Given her body language while telling the story, McCausland was clearly mortified after hearing what her child said to his teacher. It makes it look like she may be posting videos to adult sites while her child is at school, which most people wouldn’t want their son’s teacher to know about.
The good news is that another teacher was there to clarify the young boy's comments by adding, “I think she makes TikTok videos.” The uncomfortable situation was a great invitation to chat with her son about what she does for a living. “So I have to have a conversation with my son about how he tells people what I do for work,” she finished her video.
The funny video went viral, earning over 1.7 million views on TikTok, and inspired many people to share the times when their children had funny ways of explaining their careers. The commenters were a great reminder to parents everywhere that if your child says something embarrassing, it's ok, just about everyone has been through it.
Moms share their most embarrassing moments
A lot of parents spoke up in the comments to show McCausland that she's not the only one to feel embarrassed in front of her child's teacher.
"My son told everyone that we were homeless (because we don’t own our home, we rent)," KBR wrote.
"I work in ortho.. my daughter told her teacher I steal people's knees bc she heard me talking to my husband about a knee replacement," Aingeal wrote.
"My son told a teacher we were living in our car over the summer. Camping. We went camping," Kera wrote.
"In kinder, my son thought Red Bull was alcohol and told his teacher I liked to have beer on the way to school," Ashley wrote.
My niece told her teacher her mom and dad work at the wh*re house. They work at the courthouse," Ellis wrote.
"My husband works as a table games dealer at a casino. Kindergartener, 'Daddy's a Dealer!' We now start every school year clearly stating he works at the casino," CMAC
"My son said we lived in a crack house…There’s a tiny chip in the wall from the doorknob," KNWerner wrote.
"My dad is a hospice chaplain and officiates a lot of funerals. My son and nephew were asked by their preschool teacher if their papa was retired or had a job. They told her his job was to kill people," Tiffyd wrote.
"My son said "my dad left me and I'm all alone" to a random person at the zoo. My husband was just at work," Shelby.
"I am now in my 70s. In my gradeschool, during the McCarthy era, I told my teacher my dad was a communist. He was an economist," Crackerbelly wrote.
"In Kindergarten, my daughter told her teacher that mommy drinks and drives all the time. Coffee. From Starbucks," Jessica wrote.
"Well I once told my kindergarden teacher a man climbs over our fence to visit my mom when her husband is not home... It was a handy man who came to fix gates when they were stuck," Annie wrote.
Ultimately, McCausland’s story is a fun reminder of how children see things through their own unique lens and, with total innocence, can say some of the funniest things. It’s also a great warning to parents everywhere: if you aren’t clear with your kids about what you do for a living, you may be setting yourself up for a very embarrassing misunderstanding. So, even if you think they know what you do ask them as see what they say, you could save yourself from a lot of embarrassment.
This article originally appeared last year and has been updated.