upworthy
Family

Young dad tearfully seeks advice on going from one child to two and gets the best advice

We don't talk enough about this enough.

man talking to camera
@kidds_dad/Instagram (Screenshots used with permission)

Eric Jensen and his wife recently had a second child and are having a hard time with the transition.

We talk a lot about how having a child changes your life, from how you spend your time and energy to how you view life and the world in general. What we don't talk about as much is how having another child changes things all over again, throwing whatever stability you found after adding a baby to your life into disarray.

Only this time, you have a little person you love more than you ever thought possible who is also affected, which can cause conscientious parents much concern and consternation. Questions like, How will I love another child as much as my first? Will my first baby be hurt by my divided attention? What if they both want me at the same time? How am I going to have the energy to give each child what they need? can haunt you as you await a second baby.

Until you have more than one child and see how these questions get answered firsthand, it's easy to feel worried. And even after it happens, the transition to more than one child can take a little time to even out, which is what prompted dad of two Eric Jensen to reach out to experienced parents for help navigating it in a video that's been viewed over 3 millions times.

Jensen and his wife recently had their second child, and the young dad expressed the difficulty he and his 4-year-old were having with the change.

"I'm not really sure how people go about handling the transition from one to two kids," says Jensen. "I feel like it's really hard, in so many different ways. One is that I can really tell that my son is having a hard time. Like obviously, his whole life has changed."

Jensen explained that he had recently suggested that he and his first son go for a walk with the new baby—a "brother walk"—but his son asked if they could go without the baby. Jensen teared up as he recounted his son saying, "You're my best friend, can you please just hang out with me?"

"The first night he slept in his own bed, he just kept waking up silently crying to himself, and I was like 'What's wrong?' and he's like 'I just want someone to snuggle me'…and so I spent the last two nights in his little tiny bed that's like three feet long."

"It's hard because obviously I'm trying so hard to take care of him and make sure he's feeling like accepted and okay," Jensen added, "But every time we leave our little baby, I like die a little bit inside, like, that's just so hard for me to miss out on those little moments. It's a really hard transition for me. I know it's really hard for him. I know it's hard for my wife, too."

Jensen said their family was figuring it out, but if anyone had any tips he'd love to hear them. And boy, did experienced parents deliver.

First, people offered words of praise and encouragement for Jensen's emotional attachment to his kids and his consideration for their feelings.

"You are THE example of what a dad is supposed to be. We’re all here for you. You’re going so good brother."

"I’m crying 🥹 this father is so sweet my heart can’t even handle it."

"Sounds like you’re doing great. The children are fortunate to have such a loving father. ❤️"

"IMAGINE having a father this attuned and considerate! Please give yourself grace!!"

"Youre sensé of emotional awareness is STRENGTH."

"First time I have ever actually seen dad guilt. I felt this in my soul. You are a great dad!"

"It takes time for the whole fam to adjust, sometimes it may seem like you’re not doing enough for them, but you are and they will remember it and appreciate it when they’re older."


But some people also offered helpful, practical advice for attempting to meet everyone's needs and create the bonds parents hope for their children to have growing up.

"Include your older one in everything and instead of it being 'I need to go do xyz for your baby brother or sister' it’s 'can you help me with xyz?' Then praise of 'you’re such a good helper, you’re so kind, you’re such an amazing brother or sister.' Then naturally he or she will want to help. Make them feel included during bath time, feedings, even play. Remember that they are still a baby in their own right so refrain from telling them how big they are or how they should act and carve out 1:1 time for just the two of you. Make dinner or lunch together, watch a movie and snuggle, take a drive/ go to the park. 'Let’s go get mommy something special.' Build your older one up, make them feel really included in everything you do and validate their feelings. Also don’t force a bond right away with the sibling, but encourage it. 💙❤️"

"I feel this SO much bro… it’ll get better, I promise you that. Keep doing your 1-1s with your wife, and your baby, and your boy. It’s all about finding a healthy balance of love, laughter, sadness, gratefulness, and peace. You’ll find your rhythm. He’ll start to understand things more, just stay the course. You’re already doing a good job and I don’t even know who you are 💯💯💯 Keep pushing dad!"

"Really feel for you! We’re going through the same but from 2 to 3 and our middle child has struggled. What we’ve done is intentionally bought him lots of new things and told him everything we bought was from his baby sister and anytime we get him any of his favourite snacks we tell him it’s from her too, it’s helped him see her as an ally rather than someone that’s come to take dad and mum’s attention from him. ❤️❤️"

"The best thing I did when my daughter was 2.5 when my son was born, I would say out loud to the baby that he needed to wait and I needed to help her. It made her feel really important and reminded her."

"Little buddy is grieving his old life. Once he can make baby laugh and smile things get 1000x better I promise. Give him lots of choice ‘do you want me to get you out of the car first or baby?’…"

Having more than one child is hard, there's no doubt about it. But part of the parenting journey is the learning that takes place as you go and the support you get from other parents as you meet the challenges along the way. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a parent. Kudos to this father for providing a space for experience and wisdom to be shared with anyone who might need it.

You can follow Eric Jensen (@kidds_dad) on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Motherhood

A Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting. Her male VP's response was perfect.

"It’s no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn
When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Years after first engineering it, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is on a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise. Unfortunately, parents all over the U.S. are struggling with burnout, high costs, unreliable childcare, poor paid leave, and more — in short, they're hanging on by a thread. But it's extremely reassuring to know that there are still some companies that value parents in the workplace and are fighting hard to keep them happy.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example. It's made them not only an admired brand when it comes to values and integrity, but a beloved one with its own customers, who are fiercely loyal.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.


patagonia, workplace, office, career, benefits, paid leave, parental leave, parentingPatagona has always done a great job taking care of its employeesYukiko Matsuoka/Flickr

Morissette's stunning story begins with bringing her baby into a meeting at the office and proceeding to breastfeed as the team around her continued to discuss ROI, KPIs, EBITDA, and all those other acronyms corporate office culture loves so much.

That's when a male colleague took note of what she was doing.

Morrissette described the incident later on LinkedIn:

While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...”There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it’s huge.”

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action”. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren’t hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It’s no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done.

Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way.

patagonia, kids, children, parenting, employee benefits, company culture, parental leave, paid leaveWhile nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a…www.linkedin.com


The post gathered massive attention on social media where commenters were smitten, if a little jealous:

"I was never so confident to nurse during a meeting, but I love that you were. I especially love the response. No different than an adult eating a protein bar. No one should bat an eye."

"I am in absolute awe over your story and I thank you so much for sharing it. We go to work to support our families, but we stay with great companies because they support us as people, as humans, and they see us and appreciate us where we are at. Beautiful."

"Amazing! How I wish I had this with by kids. One of my "fun" memories was when I worked for an insurance company with no room available for nursing moms. I pumped 3 times a day in an empty office with no window shades nor a lock."

Just the first eight words of Morissette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."


the office, office, workplace, career, parenting, working moms, breastfeedingNot sure if Dwight Schrute would be as accomodating.Giphy

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

But that's not all folks! Patagonia has extended its support for parents in recent years by allowing up to a staggering 16 paid weeks off. Parents and non-parents alike also enjoy top-notch healthcare, college tuition reimbursement, and so much more.


Patagonia founder discusses why the company's values are so importantwww.youtube.com

The company could almost be a case study in employee retention when it comes to parents. Experts say the things workers value the most in their career when they have children are paid time off, flexible scheduling, and help with childcare.

One more thing that makes a huge difference? A great manager who understands and supports the parent's needs. In this case, maybe one who doesn't flinch at a breastfeeding mother in the workplace.

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.

This article originally appeared on six years ago.

From Your Site Articles
breastfeeding
Heroes

Man walking his dog sees the moment a 7-year-old slips into a river and rushes to save his life

"Oh my God, I’m going to have to jump in."

Photo credit: Canva

Man walking his dog saves boy who fell into the Seneca River

The thing about community is you don't have to know the people in your community to look out for them. Thankfully this is something that has resulted in neighbors helping neighbors in mundane and extraordinary situations. One little boy in New York is still alive thanks to one of his community members looking out for him when he found himself in pretty serious trouble.

Ed Rohmer, 61 was out walking his dog near the Seneca River in Baldwinsville, NY when he spotted seven-year-old Makai Bays walking with his bike across Lock 24. Where the boy was walking sits atop a water filled area that is opened and closed to raise or lower boats in the canal like an elevator. Makai stopped pushing his bike and, instead, climbed onto the large locking area where he sat dangling his feet. This prompted Rohmer to call out to the boy, hoping to stop him from making a grave mistake.

But just after Rohmer yells to the boy to be careful, Makai slipped off the lock and plunged into the frigid water below. The man attempted to cross the lock to get to the boy, but Rohmer tells syracuse.com that his dog Maggie refused to go over the grates. It didn't stop him from going after the child desperately trying not to drown in the cold river. Rohmer spotted an older kid on a skateboard and handed his dog over to them, then he rushed to try and get Makai out of the river.

All of this is happening while Makai's mom, Taylor Provost was at work. The mom of four left her 18- year-old daughter to babysit her younger siblings while Provost worked an evening shift. Makai was out with two other little boys playing when the kids got separated after deciding to go to the park. It was then that Makai, who had recently moved to that part of town, ended up next to the river where he fell in.

Thankfully, Rohmer happened to be nearby. After he witnessed the boy fall into the river, he rushed to save him—and then called 911. When the man made it to the edge of the lock he could see Makai hanging onto a log. It turns out the little boy didn't know how to swim, so the log was the only thing keeping him afloat. However, with the water so cold, it would only be a matter of time before he could no longer hold on.

Rohmer told syracuse.com that he yelled down to the scared boy, “I’m here. I'm going to help you."

The good Samaritan held the boy's bike over the lock and instructed him to grab onto the wheel so he, Rohmer, could use it to pull him up. Unfortunately, Makai's hands were so numb at this point that it was too painful for the boy to hold on. After a couple of failed attempts to grab his bike's wheel, the little boy slipped under the water. In an instant he was gone; one of his shoes floated to the top of the water where his head had just been.

In a Facebook post, Rohmer wrote, "He grabs it but says he can’t hold on, it hurts his hands. I get him about halfway out of the water and his hands slip off due to him being weighed down by the water and cold and scared. I try this two more times and his head goes under water as [he] falls back in on the second and third try. At this point I’m thinking I’m going to have to jump in if he doesn’t come back up. But i have no idea how I’m going to get him or myself back up."

Just when he was about to hop into the water with no idea how to get out, police and volunteer fire fighters show up. They all work together to figure out how to get the boy out after the bike and life ring didn't work. Eventually, one of the firemen put on special gear while Rohmer held onto his ankles, and lowered him down while another fireman helped from another angle to get the boy out of the freezing water.

After several hours in the hospital and likely lots of hugs from his mom, Makai is back home without injury. Just days after his near death experience in the Seneca River, Makai got to meet his real life hero with his mom and sister by his side.

From Your Site Articles
boy falls into river
Education

Swim coach's reaction when toddler tries to kiss him is a masterclass in teaching boundaries

People are impressed with how expertly and professionally he handled it.

Representative photo credit: Canva

It takes a village, as they say.

People who work with children—teachers, coaches, mentors—are often beloved by the kids they serve, especially if they're good at what they do. Those caring adult relationships are important in a child's life, but they can also lead to some awkward situations as kids learn appropriate ways to show affection to different people. A baby might cover their mother's face with slobbery kisses, but other adults may not appreciate that very much. As kids grow, they learn what's okay and not okay, not just from their parents but from the village of adults in their lives as well.

A perfect example of what that looks like was shared in a video showing a swim instructor at the end of a swim lesson with a toddler who hugged him and then went in for a kiss. The hug was expected and welcome—"Thank you, Mila. I love Mila hugs!" the swim coach said. But when she started to go in for a kiss, he immediately pulled back, gently saying, "No, no kissy. No kissy 'cause I'm coach. You only kiss Mommy and Daddy, okay?"

The little girl looked a bit dejected and started to cry, and he quickly gave her an acceptable alternative. "Okay, hey! High five!" he said, while holding up his hand. "High five 'cause we're all done!" She calmed right down, gave him a high five, and then he moved on to clean-up time.

Watch:


Teaching boundaries to children
byu/alucard_axel inMadeMeSmile


His expression at the end of the video says it all—he knew that was a teachable moment that could have gone very wrong, but he handled it with clear professionalism and toddler-friendly expertise. People loved seeing such a great example:

"So sweet... I sometimes have young clients who want to give kisses and it's so cute but you do have to tell them "no" because it's an important boundary to learn. Not everyone wants kisses!"

"On top of knowing not to do it to other people, it also teaches them for themselves that other people shouldn’t be just giving them kisses."

"The kid is absolutely adorable but that coach is on another level. Creating the boundaries while keeping it cool and recording the whole thing so the parents are extremely comfortable. Dude is setting a hell of example."

"It sounds like he's got a good balance between encouraging her growth and setting appropriate boundaries. Kids can be incredibly affectionate, and it's important to gently guide them in understanding what's suitable."

Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

"I also think it’s important for the parents’ comfort that a grown man swimming with their young girl isn’t overstepping boundaries/being predatory. From the outside looking in, it’s hard to know for sure when something is innocent or not. It’s better to just stay away from those situations as a whole."

"The little girls I used to babysit always tried to give me kisses (they were between 2-5) and I had to tell them that I’m not related to you, so you can’t kiss me. You can hi-five or hug me, but no kisses! They still give me running tackle hugs when they see me!"

A few commenters pointed out that some cultures see kissing as totally acceptable, as it's frequently used as a friendly greeting for people of all ages and genders. But even in those cultures, boundaries based on relationships and contexts are important to learn, and it's helpful when adults help teach those lessons so it doesn't all fall on the parents.

Well done, Coach. Thanks for giving us all such a fabulous example to follow.

This article originally appeared in January

From Your Site Articles
teaching moment
Joy

Woman shares the one heartwarming request she got while visiting a nursing home

A beautiful story reminding us that some things never change.

@brittanydspivey/TikTok

We need more stories like this.

When vocal coach Brittany Spivey’s mother passed away in 2022, she began sharing her grief journey—and all the discoveries and transformation it brought—online. Including one particularly lovely story involving her visits to a nursing home.

As Spivey explains in the video below, once her mother had passed, she no longer had living parents, or grandparents, which prompted her to start making visits to her local nursing home. She arrived with flowers in hand and asked the front desk person which residents haven’t had many visitors in awhile.

Much to her surprise, the front desk worker replied that most residents don’t get visitation all that often. That day, Spivey was assigned two sisters, each of whom hadn’t expected anyone to come. After chatting together for a few hours, Spivey had “fallen in love” with each of them, and felt like she had been “sitting with her grandma and mom all over again.”

@brittanydspivey If youre in the mood for a beautiful story time 🥹🫶🏾❤️ #storytime #nursinghome #family ♬ The Song of Angels - Before the Throne

Pretty soon, Spivey began making regular visits, which included dropping off occasional gifts. To make sure she was actually getting her gal pals something they’d enjoy, she asked them, “Is there anything you need?”

Their response? “Girly things”: Butterfly hairclips, lip gloss, hair bows, little accessories, even a jewelry making kit. Not the basic toiletries or clothing items Spivey anticipated, but full-on kiddie toys.

Of course, Spivey was happy to oblige. The next day she and her daughter arrived with little trinkets to help make them “feel like the girls that they are.” And after that, the sisters got so excited each time they would see her.

“It was so beautiful. I miss my mom… I miss my grandma…so beautiful because I still get to have that relationship,” Spivey concludes> She then encourages everyone, but especially those who have lost a loved one, to dedicate a free day to their local nursing home or assisted living facility, and particularly to seek out the residents who don't get regular visitors.

@brittanydspivey 🥹❤️🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
♬ flower day - jeanie

Spivey’s story certainly touched many viewers, and even inspired a few folks to follow in her footsteps.

“Because of this, I have volunteered for a nursing home this Thursday. Thank you.”

“I’m gonna volunteer. I’m going to be unemployed and it sounds like a beautiful way to connect. We’re human and want connections.”

Others chimed in to share their own beautiful experiences.

@brittanydspivey Replying to @earthtotiana this comment makes me SOOOO happy ! 🥹🫶🏾❤️ Heres another update! #nursinghome #love #family ♬ Secret Place - Deeper Soaking Worship


“I did this. I met a man who cried every time I left, and forgot me every time I came. He showed me photos one day, and I realized he was my neighbor from across the street when I was a kid.”

“I became penpals with a man in a nursing home during Covid. We wrote to each other every week for three years. He passed away a year ago and I miss Harold every day.”

A few nursing home workers also noted how it is indeed a precious thing when someone visits, and how easy it really is to make their day: “I work at a nursing home, especially with dementia residents. No one visits them, and all they do is pace around the halls calling out for loved ones. It’s heartbreaking.”

“I work at a nursing home. It’s so true! They just want love, someone who listens to them, and simple things.”

This story beautifully captures how with age comes a return to childlike joy. Many of us in our inherent (and taught) fear of growing older forget that it also comes with this blessing. It also reminds us that while we might not be able to physically interact with those who have moved on, we can still experience the deep connections created by those relationships if we only seek them out.

From Your Site Articles
best of humanity
Science

A scientist created a 'utopia' for mice and then they all started dying

The results are fascinating, but are they relevant to humanity?

Canva Photos

How could Mouse Heaven go so terribly wrong?

In 1968 John Calhoun, a scientist and animal behavioralist, decided to create a "utopia" for mice. It would have unlimited food and water, with beautiful nesting spaces and plenty of materials for the mice to make cozy homes with. Sweet experiment! the mice were probably thinking. Much better than the Maybelline trials we're used to.

However, there was a catch, of course. There was one thing the utopia would be lacking, and that would be physical space. As the mouse population grew, overcrowding would become an issue, and Calhoun wanted to study the problems this would potentially cause. That sound you hear is the collective sigh of the disappointed mice who were stoked about the 24/7 all-you-can-eat buffet.

The experiment, dubbed Universe 25, began when Calhoun introduced four mouse "couples" into the utopian complex. A year or so later, it was overrun and the conditions had turned hellish, even though the mice had not run out of food or water.

mouse, mice, animals, science, research, studies"The conditions had turned WHAT?"Giphy

Initially, for just the eight original mice, the square box Calhoun built included 256 nesting boxes (or apartments) stacked on top of one another. Water bottles and food dispensers were located all along the nesting spots, and mice could travel throughout the complex at will via mesh tunnels. The starter mice were also screened for diseases and the population was obviously protected from predators. The climate was controlled and comfortable. Conditions were perfect.

The first mouse pups showed up a little over three months later, with the population of the colony doubling every 55 days. Nineteen months later, there were 2200 mice living inside the box. With such perfect surroundings, the infant mortality rate was practically zero, leading to the rapid rise in numbers.

mice, mouse experiments, scientific research, animal experiments, overpopulationJohn Calhoun poses with his rodents inside the mouse utopia.Yoichi R Okamoto, Public Domain


By month 19, this rodent utopia had become an overcrowded hellscape. Calhoun noticed three alarming trends, in particular.

In short, everything was devolving into chaos and the very society of the mice began to collapse at a rapid rate.

The "Beautiful Ones" and the "Dropouts": Mice have a complex social hierarchy ruled by dominant alpha males. Sam Kean of Science History Institute Museum & Library notes that, in the wild, non-dominant males (the ones who lose macho showdowns) can skip town and start over somewhere else. But in the close quarters of Calhoun's experiment, with nowhere to hide, they were forced to hang around and viciously battle with each other over scraps. Eventually, non-dominant male mice, which Calhoun called the "Beautiful Ones," withdrew from society completely and only ate, slept, and groomed themselves.

Though resources were unlimited, certain aggressive males hoarded them anyway: The alpha males ruled over everything in the once-utopian mouse society. They kept harems of females in the apartments to mate with and fought fiercely to defend their territory. But new waves of hungry young male mice kept coming and coming, and eventually even the most dominant alphas abandoned their posts. This led to more attacks on nursing females, which in turn led to more mothers kicking their pups out of the nest early.

Birth rate declined dramatically: With the non-dominant males giving up completely and focusing on #SelfCare, dominant males too exhausted from endless battles, and females sick and tired of it all (many became asexual hermits by the end), stopped mating and giving birth entirely. Once this happened, the society was doomed. Even with plenty of food still available, cannibalism was rampant.

Calhoun was not shy about drawing parallels between his research and humanity. "I shall largely speak of mice, but my thoughts are on man, on healing, on life and its evolution," he once wrote.


mice, mouse experiments, scientific studies, universe 25, sociology, overpopulationAlpha male mice, anyone? Photo by Kanashi on Unsplash

There are aspects of his wild experiment that certainly sound familiar.

We live in a world with plenty of resources for everyone, but a few select people hoard more than their fair share. When you think of the rodent "apartments," it's hard not to picture densely packed urban environments where people are stacked on top of each other at every turn. Maybe on some level some of us can relate to the “Beautiful Ones” and their urge to not participate in all the ugliness and just sequester and groom themselves. You can make an argument that when the mice stopped having to worry about food and shelter, it removed the element of challenge from their lives and left them lost–like many of us are lucky enough to not have to wonder where our next meal comes from, and maybe that has something to do with our never-ending search for meaning. Some even go so far as to link more people choosing to delay having children, or not have children at all, with the collapsing society of the mice.

But Calhoun's work has also been heavily scrutinized, with some claiming it's based on shaky science. And in the end, there’s the small matter that humans are not mice. We are infinitely more complicated, and so much better suited to adapting to our environments. Kean writes, "Ultimately Calhoun’s work functions like a Rorschach blot—people see what they want to see."

It's fascinating and thought-provoking nonetheless.

From Your Site Articles
experiments
Trending Stories