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Nine common phone behaviors that are relationship red flags, according to couples therapist

Some of these are surprising.

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@couplesthearpywithjohnathan/Instagram, Photo credit: Canva

A couples therapist shares the 9 common phone habits that should be considered red flags.

Odds are we all have some bad phone habits that aren’t necessarily serving our intimate relationships. But those flaws, like scrolling through social media during time together, for instance, are totally manageable. A partner’s overt secrecy with their device, on the other hand, might warrant some real concern.

Still, experts usually suggest that we almost never check our significant other’s phones if we suspect questionable behavior, however tempting it may be. However, there are certain signs that one can be on the lookout for in order to make an informed decision.

Couples therapist Jonathan Van Viegen, MA MFT, recently shared the 9 phone behaviors that he and his wife “never let happen” in their marriage.

1. Not sharing passwords

Most American couples tend to share passwords within a few months of dating. So if there’s reluctance to share passwords in a long term relationship, this could be a red flag.

2. Hiding their phone

Guess the saying of “if you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to fear” applies here.

3. Keeping phone face down

While it’s completely understandable to turn the phone face down to escape from a barrage of notifications, this could be something to take note of if you suspect your partner isn’t being truthful.

4. Turning body or phone away from you when they’re on it

Again, this isn’t inherently malicious. Perhaps this partner is simply trying to not distract themselves or their loved one. But it takes on new meaning if it’s combined with these other behaviors and it could spell problems.

5. Closing apps or locking phone when you approach them

This one is a lot less ambiguous, as the person is clearly trying to cover up their tracks.

6. New password change

As someone who’s watched my husband get locked out of accounts randomly and have to change his password countless times, I would argue that there are plenty of benign reasons for changing passwords. But again, in combination with other behaviors, I could see how this might get labeled as a red flag.

7. Hot and cold about you touching their phone.

If “sometimes it’s okay, other times it’s met with a big reaction,” then you’ve got yourself a red flag.

8. Gets angry or defensive when approached about their behavior

This is kind of a red flag for nearly any subject. Couples should be able to have difficult conversations. In this case, about the need for privacy. If they are aggressively “protective” about it, partners should maybe be wary.

9. Suddenly highly protective of their phone

If your partner goes from being completely open about sharing their phone to suddenly not wanting you near it, that could be a red flag. Unless of course they are currently trying to plan a surprise party for you (also speaking from experience here).

Van Viegen did add the disclaimer that while this set of rules works for his marriage, he’s not saying that everyone should “follow our example - so you do you. But be reassured knowing that at least one other couple in the world isn’t putting up with these disheartening red flags.”

Solving Trust Issues in Relationships

Of course, for some couples, it might be less about looking for red flags and instead looking for ways to build, or rebuild trust. In another video, Van Viegen breaks down three steps to help with that.

1. Focus on Your Desired Future

Instead of getting stuck in past betrayals or breaches of trust, envision a future where trust is restored. Imagine what relationship would look like “when trust is fully restored,” and look for “small signs” that trust is returning, he advises.

2. Identify Exceptions

“Nothing is all bad all the time. Reflect on those times when trust was felt, even if it was small or brief…By examining these exceptions, you’ll store moments in your memory bank where trust was possible—allowing you to build on those moments,” Van Viegen writes.

3. Measure Your Progress

Get a clear picture of where your relationship currently stands when it comes to trust on a scale of 1-10. And keep asking yourself “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much trust do I feel in my partner right now?” and “What would need to happen to move that number up just one point?” throughout the process. As with most things, recording progress is very helpful.

For more tips like this, give Van Viegen a follow on Instagram here.

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Science

8th grader's award-winning experiment finally reveals if a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's

You've heard the myth. Now read the science.

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science
Photo credit: Canva

A young teen boy holding a beagle.

Dogs come in a wide variety of breeds, along with their own unique personalities and needs. They can be guardians, helpful workers, loyal friends, snuggly companions, but there's one thing almost all dogs have in common: Licking.

Sure, some dogs lick way more than others, but it's rare to find a dog who never licks anyone or anything. Many dogs communicate and show affection by licking, which is sweet—if a little gross—depending on how slobbery they are. There's a common saying that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans', which is a bit hard to believe when you see what some dogs put in their mouths, but it is true?

What does science say about dog tongues and saliva? Is a dog licking our face something we should worry about?


dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science A man being licked by a golden retreiver. Photo credit: Canva

It turns out, the answer to whether a dog's mouth is cleaner than ours isn't super straightforward.

An 8th grader named Abby tackled this question in a science experiment that won her a Young Naturalists Award from the American Museum of Natural History in 2011. Her family had gotten a dog and her mom kept telling her not to let the dog lick her face because dog mouths are full of bacteria. Instead of arguing, Abby decided to find out herself if this was true.

"I hypothesized that human tongues would be cleaner than dog tongues," she wrote. "I thought this because humans brush their teeth at least once a day. I hypothesized that dogs' tongues would be dirty because they were always licking dirty things like garbage."

After diving into the research about bacteria that live in and on humans and dogs, Abby decided she had a testable hypothesis. But this wasn't any old middle school science experiment. She applied for and got a grant to the State Hygienic Lab at the University of Iowa, where she was assigned a mentor to work with her.

You can read the nitty-gritty details of her experiment here, but it involved a lab, swabs, agar plates, and more. Here was the conclusion:

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science A dog's tongue close-up. Photo credit: Canva

"I concluded that dog and human mouth flora are very different. (Flora means the bacteria found in a mouth or anywhere else.) The bacteria found in human mouths are more similar to another human's oral bacteria than the bacteria found in a dog's mouth.

"I also concluded that dogs' mouths are cleaner than humans' in some ways, and dirtier in other ways. Humans have more bacteria in their mouths than dogs do, based on the total number of bacteria. Most of the humans had a 'moderate' number of bacteria, and most of the dogs had 'few' bacteria. A possible explanation of this might be that dogs pant a lot, and maybe while panting, bacteria falls off their tongues along with their saliva. But dogs had more types of bacteria. The average number of different bacterial colonies in a dog's mouth was about 5.7. The average number of different bacterial colonies in a human's mouth was about 4.1. I think this is so because dogs sniff and lick a variety of things, like carpets, floors, chairs, grass, etc., so they pick up bacteria from many places."

But what about the licking of our faces? That's a bit of a subjective call, but Abby's results gave her some peace of mind:

"In conclusion, will I let my dog continue to lick me? The answer to the question is yes!" she wrote. "I will feel guiltless about letting my dog lick me because I found out that human and dog oral bacteria are different, so my dog's oral bacteria present no harm to me."

What do the experts say?

According to Colin Harvey, professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Veterinary Medicine and executive secretary at the American Veterinary Dental College, comparing dogs' mouths to humans' mouth is "like comparing apples to oranges." As Abby found, the microbes in a dog's mouth are very different than those in a human's.

The American Kennel Club elaborates:

"Most of the bacteria in your dog’s mouth aren’t zoonotic, which means you probably won’t get a disease from a big old doggy kiss. There are exceptions to this. Dogs that eat a raw diet are at an increased risk of contracting salmonella, which can be spread to humans. You also probably shouldn’t share kisses with a dog that regularly raids the litter box.

In other words, kissing your dog is less risky than kissing another human, but that doesn’t mean that your dog’s mouth is necessarily cleaner than a human’s—they just have a mostly incompatible set of germs."

Keeping your dog's mouth healthy through regular teeth cleaning and dental check-ups can also help prevent issues that could potentially come from dog licks.

dog experiments, dog tongue cleaner than humans, experiments by kids, cool science, dogs, fun science, experiments, science A golden retreiver getting their teeth brushed. Photo credit: Canva

So there you have it. If your dog doesn't eat a raw diet and doesn't go snacking in the cat box (or some other equally fecal-bacteria-ridden place), their kisses are probably not going to hurt you. Guilt-free pooch smooches for the win!

This article originally appeared last year.

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Buddhist monks on a peace walk help a nonverbal autistic boy make a heartwarming breakthrough

"He was included, and we don't always see that." [This quote isn't in the story; suggest using: "Today was such a blessing."]

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Photo via Sean Stevens (used with permission)

Buddhist monks walk through Raleigh, North Carolina, on a peace walk.

There is a story unfolding across America's South that has been healing for many at a time when the news cycle is dominated by war, street violence, and political tension.

On October 26, 2025, a procession of Buddhist monks left their temple in Texas to begin a 120-day, on-foot spiritual trek to Washington, D.C. Their mission is simple: to promote national healing and peace. At a time when many forces seem to be pulling America apart, these monks are here to bring people together.

"My hope is, when this walk ends, the people we met will continue practicing mindfulness and find peace," said the Venerable Bhikkhu Pannakara, the group's leader, according to the Independent.

Along for the "Walk of Peace" journey has been Aloka, a rescued Indian pariah dog who captured hearts across the country and later became a cause for concern after being sidelined by a leg injury. Aloka is now recovering and hopes to rejoin the monks once healed.

The monks have a beautiful encounter with an autistic child

The monks have touched countless hearts on their trek to spread peace and love, and they created what felt like a near miracle during a stop in Raleigh, North Carolina, on January 25. Samantha Bray and her family were among the spectators hoping to see the monks along their journey, and she couldn't believe the effect they had on her son, Vincent, who is nonverbal and autistic.

As the monks walked by, they noticed Vincent and approached him. One of the monks tied a bracelet around the boy's wrist as Vincent held his mother's hand. For his family, the moment was astonishing—Vincent had never allowed anyone to put anything on his wrist before, not even those close to him.

Bray later shared the video on Facebook, where it received more than a million views. The monks also reposted the clip on their growing social media accounts.

Bray wrote in her post:

"Today was such a blessing. We caught the Buddhist Monks in the Walk for Peace. My daughter and I were on the sidewalk while my son and husband were a little ways back. One of the Buddhist Monks saw our son and asked if he was ok. My husband brought our son up. They prayed over our son, who is autistic and nonverbal, and tied the holy thread around his wrist and gave our daughter flowers."

The monks responded:

"Thank you, Samantha, for sharing your family's precious experience with all of us. May the blessing continue to shine in your son's life and in your whole family's hearts."


"Having that moment with our family, surrounded by our community and the monks, it was just a really beautiful moment to experience," Bray told WRAL. "And to even add, you know, for him to tolerate that and kind of just being in that moment together was pretty spectacular."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The meaning behind the bracelet

Traditionally, when a Buddhist monk shares a bracelet, it carries multiple meanings. It's meant to promote mindfulness, serving as a reminder to focus on having a deeper connection to the present moment. The bracelets are also believed to promote inner peace, offer protection from negative energies, and help ward off obstacles along one's spiritual path.

There's a lot of good in this world; you just have to look around to find it sometimes. While those who wage war and sow chaos often get the most attention, it's important to remember that many people are also fighting for good. These monks are a powerful reminder that simple acts, like gentle kindness, can overcome forces of negativity and division.

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Mental Health

There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

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Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks

Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.

This article originally appeared last year.


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Pop Culture

15 years ago, a Russian gymnast was interrupted by her 2-year-old daughter. It became a historic performance.

"This is beyond beautiful. 🥲"

dance, motherhood, mommy daughter dance, mother daughter relationship, parenting, wholesome
Umi4ika/Youtube

Svetlana Putintseva with her daughter Masha.

In 2005 at only 18 years old, Russian rhythmic gymnast Svetlana Putintseva became a world champion, after which she retired and eventually became a mom. Then, in 2011, Putintseva came out of retirement for one special Gala performance.

Little did anyone know that her then two-year-old daughter named Masha would be the key to making that performance so special.

As the story goes, the young child refused to leave her side that night. But rather than stopping the performance, Putintseva did what so many incredible moms do: she masterfully held space for two different identities.

As we see in the video below, Putintseva simply brought Masha onto the dance floor and incorporated her into the routine—holding and comforting her at times, performing impressive moves while she ran around at others…letting it all become a lively, endearing interaction rather than a rote routine. It became something really touching:

Watch:

Now, a bit of fact-checking as this video has once again started going viral. Despite what many captions say, Putintseva‘s daughter was likely always a planned part of the performance (the tiny leotard is a bit of a giveaway). But that doesn’t really take away from the message behind it: motherhood weaves another soul into one's identity, forever. And one of the biggest lessons it teaches is how to hold someone else steady, all while becoming ourselves.

Every day, moms are engaging in a similar type of “dance”: navigating through the world while guiding and nurturing their little ones. It probably doesn't always feel quite as graceful as what Putintseva put out, and, yet, it is just as beautiful.

dance, motherhood, mommy daughter dance, mother daughter relationship, parenting, wholesome A mother hugging her daughter.Photo credit: Canva

Maybe so many thought it was an improvised moment because improvising is a very real parent superpower. That’s certainly the takeaway we get from some of these lovely comments:

“You cannot control life but you can learn to dance with it. 🤍”

"This is beyond beautiful. 🥲"

“If this isn't a metaphor for motherhood. We improvise so much.”

“A mother’s unconditional love 🥹❤️ She just made my whole month.”

“I do this sometimes while deejaying. My daughter comes up so I hit the slicer and let her chop it up. A few chops and she is happy and goes about her business. 🥰”

“I can see my daughter doing this to me soon whenever I get up on stage on perform. She already stares long and hard at me whenever I am onnstage singing. She doesn't take her eyes off me. Sure she would be running up to stand with me when she starts walking 😂😂 i look forward to it tho”

“Sobbing 😭😭😭😭 As a dancer who hasn’t performed since having a kid, this inspires me in so many ways 🥹🥹 So beautiful and it’s clear that she admires her mom so much 🥰”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Though not much is written on Putintseva following this performance, one blog post says that Masha has followed in her footsteps by getting into rhythmic gymnastics. Maybe it all started with this one performance. ❤️

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Cleaner shows how to affordably 'fancy up' a worn-down home, and so many people finally feel seen

"This may be the only home-related video I’ve ever seen that actually acknowledges poor people exist."

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Midwest Magic Cleaning/YouTube

Seeing a realistic home makeover in a lower-income family home is unusual but refreshing.

For years, home renovation and home makeover content has entertained the masses, giving people aspirational ideas and serving as fodder for people's "dream home" desires. But amidst all the quartz countertops, trendy paint colors, and affiliate decor links, a huge swath of people have felt unseen in their own homes.

The reality is that nearly a third of Americans live in low-income households, where the idea of replacing floors or furniture or even repainting a room is way beyond the budget. A lot of homes don't even look like the "before," much less the "after," of home redo content, which is why a video from Midwest Magic Cleaning showing an affordable glow-up of a real-life, worn-down home has been viewed nearly five million times.

As one commenter wrote, "This may be the only home-related video I’ve ever seen that actually acknowledges poor people exist." Using mostly what the family already had, we get to see a transformation from a depressing, cluttered space to a welcoming, tidy home, and the before and after is every bit as satisfying as anything on HGTV.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The gentleman from Midwest Magic Cleaning perfectly diagnosed the issue with this home right out the gate, saying:

"I grew up in places that look a lot like what I'm showing you here. We didn't have much money, the place was kind of falling apart, and we didn't have the money or the time to fix it. They had bad paint jobs, broken molding, broken trim, terrible carpets, terrible floors, terrible lighting. You get close to the holidays, and you're just not sure what to do. You're embarrassed to have people over, and you know that fixing the place and painting it would do wonders, but if you had the money and time to fix it and to paint it, you wouldn't have this problem in the first place."

He started with a "move out, move in" cleaning, where he got rid of all the trash and then took everything but the basic furniture out of the room. Large furniture got moved out of the way to clean underneath it.

He then rearranged the room in a way that made it look bigger and "fancier" by putting the sofa in the center instead of along the wall. Lighting, he said, can make all the difference in a depressing room, so the first things he bought were a floor lamp and two end table lamps for the living room. When the mood of a room is depressing because of bad lighting, it inhibits motivation, which just contributes to a cycle of depression. He put up curtains as well to filter light and hide the fact that the windows had no trim.

curtains, windows, home makeover, home improvement, home Curtains can help make a space feel homey and hide bad windows and trim.Photo credit: Canva

For the kitchen, he broke the process down into three steps: 1) Get rid of all the trash. 2) While you're getting rid of trash, put away anything you can put away. And 3) Clean surfaces. He used curtains to hide open cabinets and purchased a pantry shelf for $25. All in all, he spent about $300 on curtains, curtain rods, and a few pieces of furniture, but he said he could have done the whole makeover for free by getting donated, hand-me-down curtains and other items.

The end result isn't "fancy," but it's tidy, homey, and organized. And perhaps most importantly, it's doable.

People in the comments raved about the video:

"My momma used to say...'We may be broke but we will be clean.' Clean and organized goes a long way."

cleaning, clean home, neat and tidy, vacuum, sofa Clean and tidy sets a mood.Photo credit: Canva

"I like the way you kept their home looking like their home. The change was subtle, yet not so drastic that they wouldn’t feel like they were not in the same home."

"Thank you for addressing the sad dark room = depression = no motivation = room gets dirty = depression cycle because I am going through that right now and it just feels nice to be seen and for once, to not feel like I'm just a horrible goblin."

"Dude. I’m sitting here with a negative bank account and feeling like I’m being worked to the bone at my job. My home is messy and depressing and it’s difficult for me to relax even when I have time. This is so inspiring and I can’t wait to go home and clean."

"I love this real approach. I grew up in poverty, and know all too well the depressing loop that these types of environments create. This is real motivation for people — not the typical shiny, expensive, unobtainable 'improve your home!' fluff that social media is filled with."

"The lights did SOOOOO much. As a trailer park kid, who at one point in my life had bare plywood covering a hole separating inside from outside, this was so refreshing. Poor people deserve to have nice homes too. I’m VERY blessed to not be there anymore but I will always remember what that it’s like. Thank you for your wisdom, video, and work."

lamp, lighting, light bulb, lights, home makeover Lighting makes a big difference in how your home feels.Photo credit: Canva

"I was raised as a 'lace curtain Irish' where you put up lace curtains even if you're dirt poor. It lifts your spirits and makes your home look inviting. This video is so respectful of this family and makes the home look great."

"This is how my mom used to 'fancy up' our poor when I was growing up. She saved small amounts of money each pay to buy things at yard sales or discount bins. Its amazing how a little here and there raises the spirits. I never knew how poor we actually were. I just thought she really loved beans and potatoes."

While it's fun to daydream with home improvement shows and content, seeing a real makeover of a lower-income home is truly inspiring.

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