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Equality

A white woman shares 13 things she's learned since marrying a Black man

A white woman shares 13 things she's learned since marrying a Black man
via Pamela Chandler

As the old saying goes, there's no way to know what another person experiences in life unless you've walked a mile in their shoes. But it's nearly impossible to understand how a person of another race experiences life because it's impossible to change one's skin color or cultural background.

People in interracial relationships have a special window into what it's like to be a different race because they see the differences in how their partner is perceived and treated by others.

Pamela Chandler, a white woman, and her husband Walter, a Black man, from Dayton, Ohio, made a list of 13 things that being in an interracial relationship and having a biracial child has taught them and posted it on Facebook.

The post received tremendous feedback from people in interracial relationships and those who had no idea what the experience is like. Upworthy got a chance to talk to Pamela about the post, the interview follows her and Walter's list.


So as a white woman married to a black man and raising a biracial child I've had to unlearn a lot of things. I've also...
Posted by The Chandler Crew on Tuesday, June 30, 2020

1.) She drives

I have to drive basically anytime we are leaving the Dayton area. We don't talk about it each time, we just both know that if we are leaving our general 'safe' area and heading to smaller town Ohio roads I'm the one driving.

2.) She does the paperwork

I have to handle store clerks, returns, getting documents signed, anything with any federal building or administrative work, I get further with any type of 'paperwork' thing that needs handled, people listen to me and are much more agreeable than with him.

3.) Avoid the greeting card aisle

The chances that we find a Black or Interracial couple on a greeting card are SLIM. Unless you want to give the same Black couple card every year, which we have. There are hundreds of white couples to choose from though!

4.) Walter has to go out of his way to present a friendly face

My husband goes out of his way to be nice and talk to EVERYONE. Not because he's a people person, but because he has learned that a 6'5 Black man intimidates people and so he overcompensates by being overly friendly so people won't be afraid of him.

5.) Be ready to show your receipt

If Walter is pushing the cart I always have to have my receipt ready when leaving the store.

6.) "You guys rent, right?"

None of our neighbors thought we owned our home, multiple neighbors stopped my father and asked him if he was the new landlord for us. Because of course, the old white man must have purchased the home. Not only do we own our home, it's fully paid off, we have no mortgage and we paid for it BY OURSELVES.

7.) Jesus doesn't see color, but some of his followers do

It took us YEARS to find a church without racist undertones and low key racist members, YEARS!

via Pamela Chandler


8.) The toy aisle isn't very inclusive

When doll shopping our daughter gets 25 white options and 1-2 black or mixed race doll options.

9.) Skin tone matters

The same people who stop us daily to say how adorable our daughter is, are the same people who would cross the street if Walter was walking alone.

10.) Stay clear of the stars 'n bars

We avoid all places with Confederate flags.

11.) Lots of old people are racist

If we go to Bob Evans (or any restaurant that caters to 'seniors') too early we are met with a lot of stares, the old racists eat between 4-5 pm.

12.) Walter can't be alone in the park

When Walter goes to a playground with our daughter he constantly stays by her side, if not he gets stares and people wonder what the 'big black man' is doing on the park bench.

13.) A non-controversial statement is, sadly, still controversial

Walter is concerned our Black Lives Matter sign by the door will make us a target when he is not home so he asked me to remove it.

via Pamela Chandler


After Pamela first made the post, she received responses from people all over the world.

"Our experience is so familiar to many people and that really hits you in the gut if you think about how common these things are for people of color," she told Upworthy.

"I think probably my favorite responses have been from older white people. We have so many older white people reaching out shocked and heartbroken that this is happening to us," she continued. "But the thing is, this is happening to people of color every day, everywhere."

Pamela believes that change begins when people "share their experiences with one another so people know it's happening everywhere."

"I'm glad the post resonated with people because, at the end of the day, it shows we are all humans just trying to make our way in this world and we all deserve to do that freely and without barriers," she added.

The first time Pamela experienced racism is when she was driving with Walter down a road in rural Ohio and was pulled over by the police. "Two police officers approached the car, one from each side and a third stayed at the back of the car," she said. "They all had their hands over their gun holsters as they approached."

This was all because her license plate light was out.

"Walter was in the passenger seat and they asked him for his license, not me the driver, and they then proceeded to ask him if he had any warrants," she said. "I've never been asked that in my life so I was shocked. We answered all their questions, they ran his license and he was cleared and they let us go after making sure, again that I was ok."

Experiencing racism as a couple can also cause problems between partners.

"I'm usually the loudmouth, and he is usually the one telling me to drop it and let it go. I'm coming from a place of privilege when I feel like I can discuss with a white person and get them to see why what they are doing is wrong," she said.

"Walter is oftentimes coming from a completely different perspective where it can be dangerous to speak up or pointless to speak up, so typically our disagreements come when he wants me to be quiet and I want to scream at the unjustness in the world," she added.

The incredible response the family has received led them to create a Facebook page called The Chandler Crew where people can "connect with like-minded people all over the globe" as well as a blog.

"At the end of the day we are all just learning and unlearning and learning again how to love each other better," Pamela said.

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Visit Sweden
Visit Sweden
Education

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Education

A story about two pairs of boots illustrates how rich people get richer in ways poor people can't

It’s got nothing to do with bootstraps.

Photo by Maxim Hopman on Unsplash

The Sam Vimes "Boots" Theory of Socioeconomic Unfairness explains one way the rich get richer.

Any time conversations about wealth and poverty come up, people inevitably start talking about boots. The standard phrase that comes up is "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," which is usually shorthand for "work harder and don't ask for or expect help." (The fact that the phrase was originally used sarcastically because pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps is literally, physically impossible is rarely acknowledged, but c'est la vie.)

The idea that people who build wealth do so because they individually work harder than poor people is baked into the American consciousness and wrapped up in the ideal of the American dream. A different take on boots and building wealth, however, paints a more accurate picture of what it takes to get out of poverty.

Author Terry Pratchett is no longer with us, but his writing lives on and is occasionally shared on his official social media accounts. Recently, his Twitter page shared the "Sam Vimes 'Boots' Theory of Socioeconomic Unfairness" from Pratchett's 1993 book "Men At Arms." This boots theory explains that one reason the rich are able to get richer is because they are able to spend less money.

If that sounds confusing, read on:

Pratchett wrote:

"The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.

Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.

But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet."

In other words, people who have the money to spend a little more upfront often end up spending less in the long run. A $50 pair of boots that last five years essentially cost you $10 a year. But if you can only afford $10 upfront for a pair of boots that last six months, that's what you buy—and you end up paying twice as much over a five-year period.

There are so many areas in which this principle applies when you're poor. Buying in bulk saves you money over the long run, but you have to be able to afford the bulk cost up front. A reliable car that doesn't require regular repairs will cost more than a beater, but if the beater is all you can afford, that's what you're stuck with. You'll likely spend the same or more over time than if you'd bought a newer/higher quality car, but without the capital (or the credit rating) to begin with, you don't have much choice.

People who can afford larger down payments pay lower interest rates, saving them money both immediately and in the long run. People who can afford to buy more can spend more with credit cards, pay off the balances, build up good credit and qualify for lower interest rate loans.

There are lots of good financial decisions and strategies one can utilize if one has the ability to build up some cash. But if you are living paycheck to paycheck, you can't.

Climbing the financial ladder requires getting to the bottom rung first. Those who started off anywhere on the ladder can make all kinds of pronouncements about how to climb it—good, sound advice that really does work if you're already on the ladder. But for people living in poverty, the bottom rung is just out of reach, and the walls you have to climb to get to it are slippery. It's expensive to be poor.

When people talk about how hard it is to climb out of poverty, this is a big part of what they mean. Ladder-climbing advice is useless if you can't actually get to the ladder. And yet, far too many people decry offering people assistance that might help them reach the ladder so they can start taking advantage of all that great financial advice. Why? Perhaps because they were born somewhere on the ladder—even if it was the bottom rung—and aren't aware that there are people for whom the ladder is out of reach. Or perhaps they're unaware of how expensive it is to be poor and how the costs of poverty keep people stuck in the pit. Hopefully, this theory will help more people understand and sympathize with the reality of being poor.

Money makes money, but having money also saves you money. The more money you have, the more wealth you're able to build not only because you have extra money to save, but also because you buy higher quality things that last, therefore spending less in the long run. (There's also the reality that the uber-wealthy will pay $5,000 for shoes they'll only wear a few times, but that's a whole other kind of boots story.)

Thanks, Terry Pratchett, for the simple explanation.


This story originally appeared two years ago.

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Cycle for Survival
Cycle for Survival
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How can riding a bike help beat cancer? Just ask Reid Moritz, 10-year-old survivor and leader of his own “wolfpack”

Every year, Reid and his pack participate in Cycle for Survival to help raise money for the rare cancer research that’s helped him and so many others. You can too.

all photos courtesy of Reid Moritz

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research

True

There are many things that ten-year-old Reid Wolf Moritz loves. His family, making watches (yes, really), basketball, cars (especially Ferraris), collecting super, ultra-rare Pokémon cards…and putting the pedal to the medal at Cycle for Survival.

Cycle for Survival is the official rare cancer fundraising program of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK). One hundred percent of every dollar raised at Cycle for Survival events supports rare cancer research and lifesaving clinical trials at MSK.

At only two years old, Reid was diagnosed with pilocytic astrocytoma, a rare type of brain tumor.

Pediatric cancer research is severely underfunded. When standard treatments don't work, families rely on breakthrough clinical trials to give their children a real shot at long-term survival.

When Reid’s chemotherapy and brain surgery didn’t work, he was able to participate in one of MSK’s clinical trials, where he’s received some incredible results. “Memorial Sloan Kettering has done so much for me. It's just so nice how they did all this for me. They're just the best hospital ever,” Reid recalls.

And that’s why every year, you’ll find Reid with his team, aptly named Reid's Wolfpack, riding at Cycle for Survival. It’s just Reid’s way of paying it forward so that even more kids can have similar opportunities.

“I love sharing my story to inspire other kids to PERSEVERE, STAY STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP while also raising money for my amazing doctors and researchers to help other kids like me.”

Reid remembers the joy felt bouncing on his father’s shoulder and hearing the crowd cheer during his first Cycle for Survival ride. As he can attest, each fundraising event feels more like a party, with plenty of dancing, singing and celebrating.

Hoping to spread more of that positivity, Reid and his family started the Cycle for Survival team, Reid’s Wolfpack, which has raised close to $750,000 over the past eight years. All that money goes directly to Reid’s Neuro-Oncology team at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

In addition to cheering on participants and raising good vibes at Cycle for Survival events, Reid even designs some pretty epic looking merch—like basketball shorts, jerseys, and hoodies—to help raise money.

If you’re looking to help kids just like Reid, and have a ton of fun doing it, you’re in luck. Cycle for Survival events are held at Equinox locations nationwide, and welcome experienced riders and complete newbies alike. You can even join Reid and his Wolfpack in select cities!

And if cycling in any form isn’t your thing, a little donation really does go a long way.

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research. Find out more information by checking out cycleforsurvival.org or filling out this interest form.

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Joy

Son surprises dad with the dream car he sold 41 years ago for 'diaper money'

"I knew deep down he loved that car more than any other he had ever owned."

Courtesy : Jared Guynes

A gift 41 years in the making.

So many of us have a dream that one day we’ll be able to surprise our parents with a paid-up mortgage, completely erased debts or some other grand gesture to thank them for their support and sacrifice. While this dream can’t always logistically come true (nor does it need to in order to make parents feel loved and appreciated) it can nonetheless be incredibly inspiring to hear stories of it happening in real life.

Over forty years ago, a Texas man named Earl Guynes sold his beloved 1967 Marina blue Chevrolet Camaro in order to afford raising a family. As the man’s son Jared tells the story, it was “sold for diaper money.”

Courtesy : Jared Guynes

In a Facebook post, Jared recalled how throughout the years, Earl would have a “twinkle” in his eye anytime the car got brought up. Which seemed to be often, given Jared noted that specific details were “burned into” his brain.

“Even though he would never admit it, I knew deep down he loved that car more than any other he had ever owned.”

And thus Jared became determined to show his dad "how important he is to me and how good of a job he did being a dad,” in the "biggest, most symbolic [and] most outrageous way" possible: finding a car exactly like his father’s.

Of course, this would mean three years of scouring the internet for parts and assembling them, piece by piece, onto a Camaro that was intact but in need of several repairs—and also “nearly in Oklahoma.”. But sure enough, a completely restored version of Earl’s dream car was ready just in time for his 65th birthday. With a brand new set of period correct 15” crager wheels, identical to the set he had in early 80’s, to boot.

Courtesy : Jared Guynes

As for how Earl reacted upon seeing his Camaro back from the dead, Jared wrote, “I’ve only seen my dad cry two times in my entire life. Dad only smiles, laughs and selflessly gives his best effort in the service of others. Tonight I saw him cry a third time, as he realized the car in the parking lot that looked just like his old one, was actually his after all. He was shocked. He threw his arms around me.”

“It was one of the best moments of my entire life,” he added, “I love you Dad. Thanks for the diaper money.”

Courtesy : Jared Guynes

Again, maybe we won’t all be able to honor our parents in this way. But there are plenty of other gestures that convey our appreciation. Never underestimate the power a heartfelt letter, offering to help with a chore, spending quality time together, showing interest in their life, celebrating milestones, and of course, actually saying “thank you.” Gratitude is a neverending process, after all.

But still, to those of us that still dream of buying mom and dad that house, stay hopeful.

As Jared himself said, “it was impossible. Til one day, it wasn’t.”

Watch a full version of the story below:

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Parenting

Psychologist shares 15-second trick to make kids of any age less rude and more cooperative

All it takes is a single question.

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

A child being rude.

Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Beckly got into psychology after growing up with anorexia as a teenager.

“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. 

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” Collette wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” Mark Amend added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.


This article originally appeared in June.

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Television

In 1983, illusionist David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty vanish. Here's how he did it.

"When the curtain dropped the statue was not there. I didn't see it."

via Docebrown1955/YouTube

David Copperfield vanishes the Statue of Liberty in 1983.

In April 1983, 50 million Americans tuned in to see the legendary illusionist David Copperfield attempt the impossible. On live TV, he would vanish the 305-foot-tall Statue of Liberty, a symbol of American freedom and a beacon of hope to people worldwide.

Copperfield’s audacious illusion would stun the world and become one of the most outstanding achievements in the history of magic. The magician performed the act on a stage with an audience sitting before the statue. A helicopter flew above, shining light on the statue and a ring of lights lay on the ground below, illuminating Lady Liberty. Copperfield raised a curtain between 2 giant pillars, temporarily obscuring the audience’s view of the statue.

As loud music swelled, Copperfield concentrated intensely until the curtain dropped and the statue was missing.

The crowd screamed and yelled in disbelief as cameras revealed the spotlights pointing to a space where the statue used to be. Copperfield had pulled off the impossible.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

How did David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear?

Simply put, Copperfield didn’t move the statue; he rotated the audience away from it, which was sitting on top of a massive turntable. After the audience rotated, the statue was hidden behind one of the pillars.

“He had a helicopter with a bright spotlight shining on the statue for a considerable length of time, during which he apologized to the audience and said they were having ‘technical problems,’” Dan explained on the YouTube channel Mind Blown Magic Illusion. “Eventually, the curtain came across and the stage began to revolve imperceptibly slowly. However, the helicopter moved in sync with the stage. The beam of light appeared to be stationary in relation to the stage. When the curtain was lifted, they saw the helicopter in the same place but with no statue. The beam of light also helped black out the background. Otherwise, the audience would have seen a different skyline.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The key to the illusion was ensuring the audience didn’t know they were on a revolving platform. To do so, the stage rotated very slowly and the music had a lot of pounding bass that obscured any movement the audience may have felt.

A few minutes after the statue “disappeared,” the curtain went back up. When it was dropped again, Lady Liberty was back and America was whole again.

Why did David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear?

At the end of the TV special, Copperfield revealed that his goal for the illusion was to remind all Americans not to take their freedoms for granted because they could be gone in the blink of an eye. This was a heavy statement at the height of the Cold War with the Soviet Union.

"I want to tell you why I did this. My mother was the first to tell me about the Statue of Liberty,” Copperfield told the audience of millions. “She saw it first from the deck of a ship that brought her to America. She was an immigrant. She impressed upon me how precious our liberty is and how easily it can be lost. And then, one day, it occurred to me that I could show with magic how we take our freedom for granted. Sometimes, we don't realize how important something is until it's gone."

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Humor

People share their most ridiculous 'I paid for it, not letting it go to waste' moments

The things we do save a buck.

Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Worth it?

The saying “waste not, want not” can be very valuable. However, as with most idioms of wisdom, it can be taken too far. Especially if it means putting up with severely unpleasant experiences simply to save a buck or two.

A person on Reddit by the username @Bull56Dozer recently asked the online community to share their own “well I paid for it, not letting it go to waste” moments and their question received a ton of responses. As it turns out, many, many humans would prefer to endure the uncomfortable (even consume the questionable) rather than potentially waste money.

A lot of the anecdotes were, perhaps unsurprisingly, food related. Considering that food inflation is at nearly 10% as of April 2022, it makes sense that people might want to milk every penny, even if that means drinking milk past the expiration date.

Plus, we do have a huge food waste issue. According to the World Food Programme, nearly one-third of all food currently produced globally is wasted each year … enough to feed 2 billion people. With those alarming statistics, I find myself choking down cereal that’s flavor is … interesting at best.

Of course, money fears could also be at play. Finances is a major source of stress for many people, if not manifesting into a full-blown phobia. Even those who are currently secure could still have been affected by growing up in poverty. As Leah Brookner, MA, MSW, Ph.D., a professor in the School of Social Work at Portland State University, explained in an article for Health, the trauma of childhood poverty—even when experienced well into young adulthood—can negatively shape the way we think. Luckily, she adds that with awareness, this is a challenge that can be overcome.

Maybe by making light of some of the measures we go through in the name of frugality, we can bring in some of this awareness, while still keeping our spirits lifted. After all, when given an optimistic spin, these moments can make for some funny stories. And time spent laughing is never wasted, right?

Without further ado, here are 14 of the best responses:

1. How could Oprah lead them astray?

“The worst cake I ever had was $30 for two slices…It was my mom’s birthday and she wanted to go to this gourmet cake place that was every girl’s tea party fantasy on the inside. The cakes were even Oprah recommended which was the reason my mom knew about it. We go to eat it, and the cake is…..awful. And it’s not just, oh it’s not my taste, like the cakes just tasted bad...."

things we do to not waste money

When you have your gross cake and have to eat it too

Giphy

"...We still ate them because they were $30 but I had to buy my own frosting to get through it.” – @signaturefox2013

2. When cheapness leads to closure

“Planned a weekend away with the guy I was dating, it was for his birthday. We would go to a theme park and stay in a hotel. But in the meantime we decided to break up. We still got on that trip, cause we already booked. At first I thought it was going to be a bit awkward, but it turned out to be really fun and a nice way to close things off.” – @vonne_F

3. ...and all they got was this lousy T-shirt

“Ran a marathon where I hit the wall at 25k. The remaining 17k I was just repeating to myself that I had paid for this and I was going to get my finisher T-shirt no matter what. Absolutely miserable 2 hours.” – @donut-or-do-not

4. Did somebody order a free feline piercing?

“My cat was pissed at me (I may have been egging him on) and bit my ear. In fact, he pierced my ear. My daughter cleaned it up for me and added a nice diamond-stud earring…I’m not a guy for earrings, but as long as I had a piercing, I’ll wear an earring for a little while at least…the hard part was done.” – @Southern_Snowshoe

viral ask reddit thread

Lucky it was his ear

Giphy
5. In dad's defense … should the turkey die for nothing?

“My dad burnt the thanksgiving turkey to the point were if he had left it 5 more minutes he would’ve burnt the whole house down… still forced us to eat it tho… worst thanksgiving to this day…” – @MemeVY

6. When the term "cheap date" becomes a little too literal

“Went on a date for Valentine’s Day and they offered to buy me a coffee beer at the restaurant. Horrible. I’m pretty sure they just made it with half black coffee, half stout and mixed it together in the glass. If I had purchased it myself, I would have noped out, but I managed to choke it down.” – @CONFETA

7. Mom never has to know

“I decided to try making a big batch of slow-cooked shredded pork tenderloin with smashed potatoes because my parents had this huge tenderloin in their freezer that they weren't going to use. I had never cooked pork before, I'd never thawed meat before, I'd never used a slow cooker before…. What could possibly go wrong?

I severely messed it up …the pork came out tough and way, way over-seasoned with pepper, to the point that was its only flavor, and the worst part was that there was enough meat for ten work lunches, most of which I had to freeze so they wouldn't go bad. I kept forgetting to thaw them in advance, which often resulted in the potatoes still being cold in the middle after reheating because I didn't want to hold up the microwave at work.

So for two whole weeks, I had over-seasoned, tough shredded pork and cold, under-seasoned potatoes for lunch at work. Why did I not stop this chain of events at any point or throw the food out, you may ask? Because I knew my mom would lecture me about it…and I've always been too cheap to pay for delivery.” – @RinTheLost

8. When you're a bookworm on a budget

“When I was younger not only would I compulsively finish any book I started, but I would also finish any series it was a part of.” – @tehKrakken55

However, this person did have a one-time caveat:

"I read Twilight to see what the fuss was about, and got a third of the way into whatever the hell the third book is before I looked at myself in the mirror and said 'You do not have to finish books you don't like.'"
9. Sticking to the bitter, bitter end

“I try to be very careful with my money. So I usually only get coffee from Dunkin or Starbucks as a treat to myself lol. I order the same thing every time. French vanilla cold brew with cream and no cold foam. Today for some reason, it was so bitter and terrible I could barely stand it. No cream, no French vanilla and even a bit of the coffee grounds were still floating around in there. I paid 3.50 for it …so I drank it. Lol.” – @ItchyInvestigator174

10. Yay?

“Current college course. 7 and a half grand in debt for almost the rest of my life and I’m just there for the experience.” – @_Frog_Enthusiast_

funny things we do to save money, money fears, poverty mindsetGiphy
11. When thriftiness leaves you feeling salty

“Overly salty peanut butter chocolate cake…..I can still feel the salt burns on my tongue after just the first slice. No amount of milk, whipped cream or fruit helped but that salt. Ate every last crumb of that cake. Took me only two weeks. It was a 6” cake.” – @GeneticExperiment626

12. Because those pants WILL come back in style!

"Most of the items of clothes in my closet unfortunately. I don’t like them so I don’t wear them but I can’t bring myself to throw them out because, well, I paid for them.” – @agentPheasant

funny things we do to save money

Hmm..what will I not be wearing today?

Giphy
13. When it affects you're health, there's a problem

“Medication for my ADHD. On paper, should’ve been a great fit, but it turned me into a zombie. And I don’t say that lightly, I couldn’t tell you what happened those few months…At the time i also had undiagnosed Generalized Anxiety, which can be severely exasperated by high doses of many ADHD meds. I was taking a 35 mg does which is pretty high for ADHD meds. So when I wasn’t a zombie, I was having serve panicking attacks. The anxiety and zombification was so bad it counteracted the benefits of the medicine. Yet, I kept with it for FOUR MONTHS because they were expensive. Stupidest thing I've done. Four months I'm never getting back. Btw I got a better much lower and effective does now.” – @Agitated-Salad-894

14. Saved the happiest ending for last

“My mom bought me a 1 year gym membership ( I was 16 ) I didn't want to go to the gym at all . But she told me try it out once and see what happens , I was angry at the time but I figured 'well I cant cancel it and the money's already been paid, I'll see what happens.' Here I am talking to you, 100 pounds lighter. I love my mom.” – @Mission-Pickle-2846


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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