A great salesman makes his pitch.
Have you ever disagreed with someone, and even though you had all of the facts on your side, you still failed to persuade the other person? You probably walked away thinking they were thick-headed and couldn't accept reality. But it was more likely just because they are human.
People cling to their firmly held beliefs about politics, religion, or whether pineapple belongs on pizza because they are closely attached to who we are as people. If we come to believe our core beliefs aren’t true, then who are we? The funny thing is that if you counter someone with facts, they will often refuse to believe them and hold onto their incorrect belief even more firmly. It’s a psychological phenomenon known as the backfire effect.
So, if you fight with your brother-in-law about crime rates and show him credible FBI statistics that counter his claim, chances are he will tell you that the facts and figures are made up or that the source isn’t trustworthy.
Friends get into a fight.via Canva/Photos
How do we change other people’s minds?
So the question is: Is it even possible to change anyone’s mind? Should we even try? The answer is yes, but it is counterintuitive. “A big mistake we make is that we think facts are powerful and that they sway people,” Kurt Gray, a social psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, tells CNBC Make It. Gray is the author of “Outraged: Why We Fight About Morality and Politics and How to Find Common Ground.”
According to Gray, the key to persuading people is seeing them as someone just like you. “We are all just trying to protect ourselves, our family, our kids, and our society,” he says. But we’re fixated on different harms.” He suggests that we establish a connection with the other person and understand their fears.
What’s the best way to argue with someone?
To establish a connection, ask questions about what motivates their belief. If it’s a fear of crime, ask them to share why they feel there is more crime today. Then, validate their feelings by saying you understand why those observations would lead to that conclusion. That’s when you can try and influence their opinion by sharing a personal story about why you feel differently. “Others are more likely to find some merit in your argument if you share a personal anecdote, as opposed to some statistics, to show why you stand where you do,” Gray says.
Daughter won't listen to her mother.via Canva/Photos
Whatever you do, don’t make the conversation about scoring points. Be sure it’s an honest discussion about how both of you came to your opinions. “My number one tip is if you go into these conversations trying to win, you’ve already lost because no one ever admits defeat when it comes to morality,” he says. “Sharing and connecting on a human level was more effective than arguing,” Gray told Time. Often, people “think the best thing to do is to argue as aggressively as possible,” but that’s not the case.
Ultimately, you’ll be more successful at sharing your beliefs and influencing others if you go into the conversation attempting to understand the other person’s position instead of proving them wrong. Facts aren’t great at changing people’s minds, but empathy and connection might. So next time you’re in a tense discussion with someone, coo down the situation by ditching the stats and sharing your story. You may not bring the other person to your side, but you may find common ground.
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An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
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Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.