15 of the politest ways to tell someone to ‘screw off’ that sting worse than foul language

There are many situations we all have where we would love to tell someone to screw off (to use a more polite term) but it would cause more trouble thatn it’s worth, whether you’re at work, stuck in traffic or at your child’s soccer game and one of the parents on the opposite side is being obnoxious. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of phrases and gestures that mean the same thing, but they can be a more artful and less confrontational way of making your point.

Sometimes, using a euphemism for a curse word can hurt your desired target even more because it shows that you put some thought into the insult and that you chose a more intelligent way to put them down without having to resort to foul language. The fact that the insult is veiled also gives you plausible deniability so that the issue doesn’t become an HR problem.

What phrases can we all keep in our backpockets in case a situation arises where you have to tell someone to shove it? A Reddit user asked the AskReddit subforum for people to share the “polite” ways to say “screw” you and there were a lot of great responses. We made a list of the best ones to give you plenty of ways to skillfully respond to someone who is being a real pain in the keister.

Here are 15 of the best “polite” ways to say “screw” you.

What are some classy ways to tell someone off?

1. "I said good day"

"I started using this after seeing Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka say it to Charlie."

"Sometimes when people ask me for something at work I will explode into 'YOU GET NOTHING. GOOD DAY SIR.' Even if they asked super casually. I often have to clarify this gag with new people but i like it too much."

"Fun fact : Gene Wilder had not rehearsed this explosion with the actor playing Charlie. He wanted the poor boy to have a genuine look of terror on his face. And it worked."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

2. Blow a kiss

"If I’m driving, I never flip off anyone. I just blow a kiss and usually that pisses them off more."

"My wife gives them a thumbs up."

"Right? Middle finger says, 'You got to me and I'm angry.' Thumbs down is 'I judge you unworthy'"

3. "Good luck with that"

"My pizza restaurant manager said this to me as a 'f**k you' in regard to my decision to go to college rather than train to be a manager. Now I make 100k/year. I do miss the free pizza though."

4. "Be that as it may"

"After some stupid sh*t is said politely state, 'be that as it may' and then continue with whatever you were saying."

"The classier version of 'Anyway…'"

5. "As per my previous email"

'"As per my previous email' sends the corporate types into conniptions."

6. "You're really being yourself today"

"I’ve used it twice and it can go a couple different ways. It either goes completely over their head and they don’t understand the insult, or it ruins them for the rest of the day, even if you’re 'joking' when you say it."

7. "Noted"

"I once had a guy coming in for an interview who completely flipped out on me and sent me this whole ranting, long email. I replied with 'Your comments have been noted.' He went absolutely apesh*t."

8. "You do you"

"'You do you' is the white collar 'bless your heart.'"

"This one's a good replacement for 'go f**k yourself.'"

9. "Bless your heart"

"In the hands of a truly gracious southerner, 'Bless your hearts' is particularly nuanced in that it is frequently given in complete sincerity to express gratitude 'oh, bless your heart,, that ice tea is just what I need.' Or sympathy: 'that child lost her mother, bless her heart', or deep admiration: 'he donated a kidney to his sister, bless his heart.' The same person can then turn it and use it with equal sincerity to cut deep but in sympathy for someone's lack of capacity (but with the presumption that they are doing their best, bless'em) as a lady should: 'he can't dress himself, bless his heart,' 'she should scare a crow with that face, bless her heart,' 'he's dumber than a bag of rocks, bless his heart.' Usually, the first part is unspoken, so all the recipient sees is a sweet smile and 'oh, bless your heart,' never to know if he has been quite admirable or made a hopeless blunder."

10. "Wow"

"One 'wow,' turn around and walk away."

11. “How amusing for you”

"I like what the late Queen would say in response if someone said something inappropriate."

"Every single report of Queen Elizabeth II has her as a very sharp wit. I wish I could find the clip, but on Mock the Week, comedian Ed Byrne tells a story where, in his words, he got owned by her and to match wits with a comedian takes some smarts."

12. "I'll pray for you"

"While you may mean it, unless the person is sick or grieving or asked for prayers, it is self-righteous and condescending to tell someone you'll pray for them. Especially if that person is not Christian."

13. "Good afternoon!"

In the 1800s, "Good afternoon" was an insult, evidenced by Ebenezer Scrooge's use of it in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. He dismisses his nephew, who wants to repair his damaged relationship with him and become friends.

14. "May you encounter people as helpful as you have been."

"As a bonus, it also works for 'you have genuinely been wonderful."

This insult would probably work best in a situation where you've had to deal with someone in customer service who wasn't very helpful. Or, when walking away at a car dealership when the person doing the financing tries to scam you with some very bad math to get you to a higher payment.

15. "Have the day you deserve"

"I heard an employee at Canadian Tire say this one day to a customer after he was done arguing with her about something. I’ve remembered it ever since."