upworthy
Mental Health

We are being lured by the siren song of cynicism. We have to choose a different route.

We are being lured by the siren song of cynicism. We have to choose a different route.
Photo by Inu Etc on Unsplash

We can't let ourselves be lured by the siren song of cynicism.

"Why do people have to suck so badly?" my teen asks me after watching a viral video of horrible human behavior.

I understand the sentiment. I really do. I've asked myself the same question many times in recent years. Why are people like this? What is wrong with people? How can people be so stupid/cruel/selfish/ignorant/etc. And every time I have to pause, reflect and recognize what I'm hearing.

It's the siren song of cynicism. That strangely alluring voice that lulls us into a negative state of complacency at best and abject nihilism at worst.

I see—and feel in myself—cynicism as a natural, reactionary response to the ugly realities of our world, but also to our current digital climate. So much of the discouse we consume is filtered through social media algorithms that reward undernuanced hot takes and keep the cycle of negative sensationalism churning. The bad stuff gets our attention, which prompts people to talk about the bad stuff, which triggers algorithms that push more of the bad stuff, which creates a feedback loop informing us that everything is terrible.


Cynicism seduces us because it's easy. It doesn't actually feel good, but it feels comfortable because it doesn't ask anything from us. Hardened cynics sometimes see themselves as the intellectually honest among us, having real insight into people and problems, but it's simply not true. Cynicism requires no deep digging, real reflection or soul searching. It's the easiest thing in the world to call the world a dumpster fire, toss up our hands and say, "Welp, everything and everyone sucks, so what's the point?"

Hope, on the other hand, is hard. It requires going beyond our impulsive reactions to headlines and soundbites and to enage with humanity holistically. Far from being some kind of unthinking, Pollyanna-ish, head-in-the-sand idealism, I see hope as the natural outcome of truly diving into the reality of human existence.

But how do we get there? How do we ignore the pull of cynicism and navigate toward hope instead?

First, we can look to the past to see how far we have actually come.

I was watching the Olympics the other night and marveling at what human beings have figured out how to do. We started off rubbing sticks together to make fire. Now we have people who can artistically dance around on ice, spin multiple times through the air with the utmost perfection and precision, and land on one foot on a 1/8-inch blade. Not only that, but they do it to beautiful music that humans have composed, with musical instruments humans created, recorded on technological equipment that humans invented.

Not only was I watching this marvel happen, but I was doing so all the way on the other side of the planet, in the comfort of my home, where hot air blows out of the walls, clean water pours out of the refrigerator that keeps our food cold and lights turn on and off with the flick of a finger.

And that's just the basic, everyday life stuff we've figured out. Thinking of all of the ways humans continue to advance and progress is mind-boggling.

Sure, we still separate ourselves into artificial groups and fight over stupid things, but we also have created global organizations that collaborate to do incredible work to solve problems. Yes, our advancements have caused an imbalance in our relationship to the planet, but we also have developed the science to understand and begin to mitigate those impacts. Indeed, people can still be bafflingly ignorant or closed-minded, but we have access to everything that humans have ever learned available at our fingertips. That's incredible.

Our material progress may have outpaced our collective spiritual progress, and our political will to enact workable solutions might be a mess, but there's no reason to believe we won't figure those things out too. Look at all that we've been through and what we've accomplished. We are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for, in all areas.

Second, we can choose the filters with which we view the present.

When we look at the challenges we face and the difficulties in meeting those challenges, do we see a sign that humans are inept or a sign that we're trying to figure things out? Learning and problem-solving are messy, nonlinear processes. Sometimes progress is two steps forward, one step back. Growth involves growing pains, especially when we're actually growing the fastest. Building something new often requires tearing down something old first, and destruction feels like destruction even when it's necessary.

There's also the simple truth that we find what we look for. If we look for what is bad, wrong and unjust in the world, we'll find it. That stuff is there, no question. And some of it definitely needs our attention; ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. But focusing on the negative all the time is a choice—one that doesn't serve anyone well.

I could easily spend an entire day finding examples of how people are awful, how it seems like we're going backward in some ways, how society is totally messed up and how the future is doomed. (Just spend the day on Twitter. It's all there.) If my goal were to justify a cynical outlook on humanity, I could easily do so.

But I could also spend an entire day finding examples of how humans are amazing, how people come together to help one another, how organizations are solving problems and providing for people's needs, how progress is being made in all fields of human endeavor. If my goal were to justify a hopeful vision for humanity, I could easily do that as well.

Each of those scenarios is a choice. Which day seems like it would lead to a better outcome, either for me personally or for the world at large?

The negative, cynical stuff is constantly in our faces because of how media and social media work, but the positive, constructive stuff is all around us. We need to balance positivity with addressing real problems, but when we put more focus and energy into supporting and amplifying the things we want to see than the things we don't, we steer our ship toward hope.

Finally, we can remember that the future is still unwritten.

One of the hallmarks of cynicism is the sense that nothing changes, that we're going to be stuck in the same stupidity of our own making forever. But none of us has a crystal ball. We don't know what the future holds and how humanity will change through the inevitable ups and downs on the horizon. We couldn't have predicted we'd be here now three years ago, and we don't know what things will look like three years from now.

We can choose to envision a dystopian future—there are plenty of books and movies we can use for inspiration if that's what we want to do. Or we can choose to envision something better or greater than what we have now. Neither is guaranteed in any way, so we do have a choice in the matter.

Any psychologist will tell you that visualization can be a powerful and transformative tool. Just as we see what we look for in the present, we are more likely to create what we envision for the future. That's not to say that we can control everything, but we can decide what direction we try to encourage humanity to go with our lives. When we look forward to a future in which humanity and our planetary home thrive and flourish, we're much more likely to seek out ways to move us in that direction.

Hope is a choice we make daily, in our thoughts and in our actions. Cynicism can sing to us all it wants, but we will hold the wheel steady, look for the light on the horizon and steer that direction instead.

A dad got a sweet note from a fellow father after camping with his kids.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is never being sure whether you're doing a good job or totally bombing it. If you're conscientious enough to even wonder if you're a good parent, you probably are, but parenting entails a million little choices and interactions, and there's always a lingering voice in your head saying, "What if you're really screwing this whole thing up?"

Reassurance and encouragement are always appreciated by parents, but not always received, which is why a note from one camping dad to another has people celebrating the kindness of anonymous strangers.

"You are killing it as a dad."

Someone on Yosemite Reddit thread shared a photo of a handwritten note with the caption, "To the man who left this thoughtful note on my windshield at Lower Pines Campground this weekend, I extend my heartfelt gratitude; your acknowledgment of my efforts to be a good father means a great deal to me."



The note reads:

"Bro,

I camped in the spot behind you last night. Let me just say, you are killing it as a dad. First off, I watched your wife guide you in as you backed up your trailer and nailed it on the first try without any yelling. Then your kids unloaded from the truck and were mild-mannered and well behaved. You told stories around the campfire and I had the pleasure of listening to the sounds of giggles and laughter.

From one dad to another, you are killing it. Keep it up.

P.S. Whatever you cooked for dinner smelled delicious!"

How often do we share these thoughts with strangers, even if we have them? And who wouldn't love to get a surprise bit of praise with specific examples of things we did right?

Everyone needs to hear a compliment once in a while.

So many people found the note to be a breath of fresh air and a good reminder to compliment people when we feel the urge:

"That would make any daddy's eyes water."

"It’s always nice, as a guy, to get a compliment."

"I complimented a guy's glasses at work (I'm also a guy, and btw they were really cool glasses, I wasn't just being nice) and now he keeps trying to tell me where he got his glasses and how I should get some. But I'm just having to be polite because I already have glasses and I'm not in the market. I finally had to tell him I'm not going to buy them lmao I just like them on him.

Made me feel like that's the first compliment he's had in years because he can't stop talking about it. Also I mainly liked the glasses because I think he's cute but he really thinks it's just the glasses haha jokes on him that cute bastard."

"I was in the store with my wife and one of our 'adopted nephews' yesterday (we’re close friends with his parents and we’ve known him and his brother since they were newborns and 2yo, respectively). A woman came up to me at checkout while my wife was running out to the car and said 'I’m not sure what your family relationship is here, but I just have to tell you how nice and refreshing it is to hear all the laughter and joy from the 3 of you. You both seem like such a good influence on him and it warms my heart.' It’s such a small thing but as a dude, I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment in public and it made my freaking day."

"10/10 letter. The and not yelling part gave me a good chuckle lol."

"We need so much more of men getting such heartfelt and sincere compliments. Thanks for sharing. ❤️"

"I’ve never considered leaving a note, but when I see a harmonious family with good parenting, it’s healing for me. My childhood was awful."

"Such an awesome compliment! Even though I don't have children myself, I like to remind my friends too that they're doing great & it brings them happy tears."

"This made me cry. I love that you are getting your 'flowers.' My dad sucked, I’m so glad you are one of the good ones."

"This made me cry too. It’s so hard to be a human. Let alone a parent. Getting a good job sticker every now and then really means a lot these days."

"I'm a big bearded guy and I would cry if I got this note. More people like this, please."

The best part of this story is that no one knows who the dad who wrote the note is, not even the dad who shared it. It wasn't written for clout or notoriety, it wasn't to get attention or make himself look good. No name or signature, just an anonymous act of kindness to uplift a stranger whether he needed it or not.

We all need to hear or read kind things said about us, and sometimes it means even more coming from an anonymous stranger who has nothing to gain by sharing. A good reminder to share it when you feel it—you never know how many people you may move and inspire.

This article originally appeared last year.

Dog turns down his owner's pets and the internet is laughing.

Sometimes we're not in the mood to be touched, and the same goes for our pets. While cats are notorious for snubbing humans who dare to touch them without explicit affirmative consent for exactly 3.5 pets, dogs are different. Dogs like to get head scratches, butt pats, and, for some reason, slapped on the ribs somewhat aggressively. I don't know why dog owners do the last one but I've seen it enough to think it's a thing that dogs enjoy.

The point is dogs generally want you to pet them as often as you possibly can, even until it feels like your arms are going to fall off and then some. They try to climb up on your lap because being as close to your cornea as their snouts will allow is comforting to them. But apparently, dogs also get into moods where they don't want to be touched by their humans.

Case in point? Colby, a chocolate lab on TikTok who is simply not in the mood for pets. His reaction to his owner attempting to pet him has commenters in stitches.

Colby looks as if he's trying to relax when you see his mom's hand reach out to pet him. He doesn't break eye contact with his human, Morgyn Seigfried, as he gently pushes her hand away with his back foot. She tries several times, and each time Colby has the same response.

"Let's not make this more embarrassing than it has to be," one commenter wrote.

"He said pet me...WITH YOUR EYES," another person said.

While some were imagining what the dog was saying internally, others just found it hilarious, especially because he uses his hind leg to reject the affection.

"Such a boss move to use the back leg and not the front paw," someone wrote, complete with a crying laughing emoji.

"The fact that he used his rear leg makes the exchange even better," another commenter said.

Colby is clearly over Seigfried's need to touch him, as you can see for yourself below:

@morgynseigfried

looking me dead in the eye too 🥲 #dogsoftiktok #dogs #dogvideos #labsoftiktok #chocolatelab #labrador #dogsoftiktokviral #doglover #doglovers


Sadly, this wasn't the last time Colby curved his owner. Watch below to see him refuse her kisses just a few months after he pushed her away.

@morgynseigfried

humiliating truly #dogs #dogsoftiktok #labrador #labradorretriever #doglover

Don't worry, we're sure Colby loves his human. Sometimes, we need some alone time and while that might hurt a few egos, it's nothing personal.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

"It was always you."

We don’t often meet the love of our life in fifth grade. But for Simon Jenkins and Peyton Wynn, romantic destiny struck early.

At the ripe old age of 11 years old, Simon and Peyton met at Johnson Elementary School in Pinson, Alabama, where they sat together in Patti Hathorn’s class. Their relationship continued to grow with each passing year, lasting even after graduation. Ten years later Simon and Peyton both turned 21, and they're still each other’s special someone.

boy and girl in swimsuits A photo of Peyton and Simon, already in love.scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

Fitting, then, that 10 years later, Simon and Peyton would celebrate their enduring love by getting engaged where it all began.

WVTM 13 anchor Rick Karle shared that Simon's mother Traci, “an event planner with a flair for the artistic,” suggested the nostalgic setting for his 2022 proposal. Getting Simon’s approval, she quickly laid out handcrafted signs, flowers and candles, making everything look extra special for the sweet moment.

A couple at their proposal

Who knew a classroom could be so romantic?

scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net

The next part of the surprise would be entirely up to Simon. He told WVTM that the ruse had been getting a call from Traci as the couple made their way to a dinner date in celebration of their 10-year anniversary. She had “forgotten something at her PTA meeting at Johnson Elementary School,” and pleaded for them to go retrieve it. Nice one, mom.

Simon and Peyton made their way to the elementary school and found themselves in the lavish display. “You should have seen Peyton’s face when she walked into that classroom,” Simon told WVTM.

Judging by the photos alone, the proposal seemed to be something out of a Hallmark movie.

Couple get engaged in classroom

Spoiler alert: She said yes

scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

For Peyton, it was the surprise of a lifetime. “I finally got to say yes to the love of my life. It was like something out of a dream,” the bride-to-be told People.

To make the moment that much sweeter, their fifth grade teacher was also there. How’s that for a satisfying full circle moment?

Patti Hathorn (now Patti Armstrong Hagwood) made her own endearing Facebook post, which read:

“For any teacher that is asked or wonders ‘Why we do what we do’. My response is this: We get to watch more than just academic growth in our classrooms. We watch laughter. We watch friendships blossom and grow. We watch as these relationships continue to develop, and often we get to witness them last a lifetime. And, in some instances, we are privileged to be a part of this continuance…It was such an honor to be asked to be present as Simon Jenkins proposed to his 5th grade love. It is another moment that reminds me of my ‘why’ as I continue to love ‘my’ children each year.

couple celebrating their engagement

I'm not crying, you're crying!

scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

Hagwood continues to teach and welcomed another class that Fall. Coincidentally, that’s when Peyton and Simon will officially tied the knot, according to People.

Congratulations to the happy couple who gave us all a wholesome love story to smile about today. I guess the adage is true: when you know, you know.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Pop Culture

Mom of three becomes 'accidental' American Idol contestant after nailing her audition

People are calling Sara Beth a relatable breath of fresh air and the show's new "hidden gem."

American Idol/YouTube

Sara Beth auditioning for "American Idol"

High-level talent competition shows have been around for a long time. And from them, we’ve come to expect spectacular performances from trained artists completely dedicated to their craft. While that’s remarkable to watch, sometimes it’s just as inspiring to witness average folks doing something they love.

Take it from Sara Beth, a mother of three recently dubbed the “Accidental American Idol.”

First of all, Sara Beth is filled to the brim with quirky charm and does nothing to try to hide her nervousness. Judge Katy Perry accurately described her as a “comic strip character brought to life.” In a sea of ultra confident divas it’s refreshing, to say the least.

Second, as a 25-year-old who married and started a family young, Sara Beth admitted that she had been focused on being there for her kids and only recently began pursuing music. Or as she called it, having “a minute for me.”

So when asked if singing was her dream, Sara Beth was hesitant.

“I’m still processing…I can’t even answer. This is so much,” she confessed.

That answer didn’t impress judges Lionel Richie and Katy Perry, but it certainly resonated with views in the crowd and at home—parents in particular.

“As a mother of two young boys I can easily relate to this not being her dream yet,” one mom wrote. “She has spent years pouring into others and taking it day by day and she just recently pulled her head out of water and remembered that she is a person with talents and hobbies and interests outside of being a mom...she doesn't even have the mental capacity for [American Idol] to be a dream yet but she took a huge bet on herself.”

Despite Sara Beth not fitting the usual parameters for an American Idol, there was no denying her incredible voice once she started singing.

Watch:

Sara Beth might have moved forward with only two out of three yes votes, but let’s just say her audience approval rate was pretty damn unanimous.

“Sara Beth is wonderfully herself and a breath of fresh air, judges are faced with a woman who is open with no filters of fear. I think she's amazing.”

“I think she IS the hidden gem in this competition. She could definitely win.”

“I won't be surprised if she wins this whole thing.”

Just take it from the “Accidental American Idol:" It’s okay to be unsure…and go for the thing anyway.

Soon after she shook things up in her American Idol audition, Sara Beth shocked everyone by leaving the show early to be with her children, and also citing discomfort after Katy Perry made a "Mom-Shaming" joke. Luckily for us, her exit from American Idol was not her exit from music. Sara Beth is still active and posting original songs on her TikTok and Instagram, and you can stream her music on Spotify.


https://www.instagram.com/p/DElIB4fT_PI/

This article originally appeared two years ago.

Joy

Video of two 90-year-old sisters saying goodbye shoots straight to the heart

“If we don’t see each other again on this earth, we’ll see each other in heaven."

@stephanieatkinson/TikTok

Don't say goodbye.

Viral elderly siblings are reminding us that love transcends all time and distance.

94-year-old Barbara Carolan of Seabrook, Massachusetts, hadn’t been able to see her 90-year-old sister Shirley, who lives in Nevada, since 2020.

When it became clear to Barbara that she might not have much time left to spend with her beloved sister, she prepared to make the 2,700-mile cross country trip to say goodbye.

“They waited so long to see each other, and if you don’t know if you’re going to see someone again, you know, especially siblings, it must be really hard,” Barbara’s granddaughter, Stephanie Atkinson Shively, told told her local news outlet WMUR.

Shively volunteered to ride alongside her grandmother and document the trip. In a viral TikTok video, , we see Barbara and Shirley getting emotional while reminiscing.

“We had a wonderful, wonderful time,” Barbara tells Shirley through tears.

“If we don’t see each other [again] on this earth, we’ll see each other in heaven,” her little sister assured.

“You betcha!” Barbara sobs. “You betcha.”

Watch the video below, aptly captioned: “Hug your sister.”
@stephanieatkinson #goodbye #sistersforever #notgoodbye ♬ original sound - Stephanie Atkinson Shively

Needless to say, viewers were struck by the sweet moment.

“There needs to be a category on this app for videos that are guaranteed to make you cry cuz dammit I’m tired of randomly balling my eyes out!” one person wrote.

Another added, “It’s not good bye, it’s see you later. I imagine when we pass, it’ll be like going home. And never again will we have to be separated from the ones we love.”

Shively shared several other moments from the journey, including some pictures of the sisters when they were younger. But the ‘last tearjerker’ showed grandma Barbara waving goodbye as she made her way back home.

There’s a bit of comic relief in this one, as Barbara yells “Until we meet again!” and gets a loud “WHAT?!” from Shirley, prompting her to repeat herself a bit more forcefully.

Watch:

@stephanieatkinson #sistersforever #notgoodbye #sisterlylove ♬ original sound - Stephanie Atkinson Shively

All in all, just a beautiful, heartwarming reminder to savor our lives, and all the loved ones in it.

Now, (if you have one) go hug your sister. If not, just hug someone you love.


This article originally appeared two years ago.