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Child abuse pediatrician corrects falsehoods about virginity with a vital anatomy lesson

Child abuse pediatrician corrects falsehoods about virginity with a vital anatomy lesson
Facebook / Veve Bee

It's incredible how many myths about the female body persist, despite all of us living in the information age. Young and old, educated or not, we're all susceptible to misinformation — especially when the same false info gets shared widely without question or correction.

Exhibit A: The female hymen.

Rapper T.I. made headlines recently with his horrific description of accompanying his 18-year-old daughter to the gynecologist to have her hymen checked. According to him and countless others like him, the hymen is a sign of virginity — a gateway of sorts that indicates whether or not a woman has had sex (or otherwise been vaginally penetrated). Popular belief has it that the hymen is a thin layer of tissue in the vagina that "breaks" the first time a woman has sex, so an "intact" hymen is proof of virginity.

The problem is that's a bunch of anatomically incorrect hogwash.


RELATED: T.I. says he goes to the gynecologist with his daughter to 'check her hymen'

Dr. Verena Brown, MD a pediatrician who specializes in treating child abuse victims, took to Facebook to set the record straight in a now viral post that's been shared nearly 50,000 times. Her post includes a diagram of female anatomy from the Children's Hospital of Minnesota and explains in detail what the hymen — and the concept of virginity — are and aren't.

Bee wrote:

"With the recent celebrity attention to hymens, I have been meaning to write some thoughts on the matter. For the past 10 years, I have been working as a child abuse pediatrician, taking care of hundreds of girls who have been victims of sexual assault. Those of us in this line of work know a lot about hymens, the female anatomy, and so-called virginity.

So here's my PSA:

Virginity is NOT a physical entity. It is a social construct, a tool by which women have been kept powerless and shamed for centuries.

'But what about the hymen?' you ask. Doesn't it 'pop' or 'break open' when a woman has sex for the first time?

Nope.

Look at the diagram above. The hymen is simply a thin bit of tissue, a vestigial remnant that sits at the entrance of the vagina. It is absolutely useless (unless you are a guinea pig. Their hymens do regrow for protection and recede when the female is in heat. To quote Todd Akin, female guinea pigs can actually 'shut the whole thing down.' But humans aren't guinea pigs).

Here are some facts about the hymen:

1. The hymen has no purpose. Zero. None. Nada. Contrary to popular belief, it does not serve to help infant girls from getting fecal matter into their vaginas. It does not protect from infections either.
2. Hymens look like hair scrunchies, and much like hair scrunchies, they are stretchy. They stretch to fit a penis and other objects. They really stretch to fit a baby.
3. The hymen is ALWAYS open. Baby girls are born with holes. On rare occasions, girls are born without openings. This is a medical condition called an imperforate hymen, and it requires surgery to fix. There are other variations on hymen morphology as well, such as septated hymens (with extra bands of tissue across the opening), but since the vast majority of women fit into the typical category, I will keep to that here.
4. If hymens weren't open, girls would not be able to have periods. That's why imperforate hymens need surgery to make an opening.
5. Studies show that women who were pregnant and women who have never had sex have identical looking hymens.
6. Only 50% of women bleed at first intercourse. (Beware of technique issues too).
7. If injury does occur to the genitalia from sexual activity (or otherwise), it does not mean that anything got "broken open". The vulva has many parts to it that can be injured (see diagram), not just the hymen. Also, the vulvar tissue is the same as what is inside your mouth. If you bite the inside of your mouth, it may swell or even bleed. But a couple of days later, it will be completely healed. A woman's vulva, and hymen, does the same.

RELATED: FYI, Hymens Don't Break — Here's Some Real Talk About That 'Pop Your Cherry' Myth

So why is the myth of virginity one worth busting? Well first of all, it's a bunch of BS, and women need to know the truth about our bodies. Secondly, women around the world are still subjected to virginity testing and other intrusive and dangerous practices to prove, ensure, or "reinstate" the mythical virginity. Third of all, this: (trigger warning)

A 13 year-old girl sits on my examination table. Her uncle started raping her when she was 7 years old. I tell her that she looks healthy, and that she is going to be okay. She asks me, 'Am I still a virgin?'

I say yes, and I tell her why.

Because she looks just like any other girl her age. In 95% of cases, the hymen heals completely after an assault.

And because virginity is not a physical state.

It's not something that can ever be taken from you.

It's a concept, a mental and emotional decision you make to give of yourself when you are ready, and not when someone decides to be violent with your body.

And because being raped is not the same thing as having sex. Having sex WITH someone can only happen with consent. Otherwise, it's just violence from one person to another, period.

She cries, her whole body shaking, with tears of relief. Then she dries her tears and smiles for a new beginning.

So let's stop the shame and humiliation. Enough is enough."

Bee added a few notes once her post started making the rounds:

"This post is for information only. It's not meant to be medical advice. Please see your doctor for any concerns about your body.

Also, I have used the terms 'women' and 'girls' in the post, but certainly it would apply to anyone with this type of anatomy, as the topic above would pertain to them as well.

I have seen many folks mention the different appearances of hymens, especially septates and cribiform morphologies. These variations are important to acknowledge. This post is dealing with the most common appearance amongst people with vaginas. This is not meant to take away from the experiences of others. Perhaps I will write more about these morphologies in a new post at some point. Once again, if you have a question about your body, please consult your doctor."

Hopefully this information will help everyone shed outdated and anatomically incorrect notions about hymens, virginity, and women's bodies in general. And it should go without saying that no one should be "checking" anyone's hymen unless a doctor sees a clear and present medical concern. That's abuse, plain and simple.

Joy

5 things that made us smile this week

People supporting thousands of local charities? Yes, please.

True


Good news—you know we love it. And we know you love it, too. Which is why we’ve searched the internet high and low for things guaranteed to brighten up your work week, such as:

This former cheerleader busting a movie

You're only as old as you feel—at least, that’s what Michigan woman Ilagene Doehring seems to think. Now 97, Doerhing was reminiscing about her time as a high school cheerleader 80 years ago at Merrill High School—a squad she helped create after noticing her school didn’t have one of their own. Caretakers at her nursing home reached out on social media to see if someone had an old uniform Doehring could wear one last time—and the current cheer coach at Merrill High School, Jena Glazer, went above and beyond. Glazier and the entire cheer team showed up to her assisted living facility to deliver the uniform and perform a cheer with the current team.

This company's way to support hometown charities

The annual Subaru Share the Love® Event is a chance to help local communities in a big way. Subaru and its retailers will donate at least $300 to local charities for every new Subaru purchased or leased through January 2nd, 2025—and by the end of 2024 (their 17th year of hosting this event), they’ll have donated nearly $320 million to charities across the nation. We love seeing local communities getting the support they deserve!

This mom’s “magic answer” to her kid’s Tooth Fairy and Santa questions

Most parents dread the moment when their kids start asking about mythical creatures like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus—but it turns out you can preserve the magic of childhood while also being honest with your kids. TikTok creator KC Davis, who is also a licensed therapist, showed this perfectly when she shared about the time her 4-year-old asked if the tooth fairy was real. She asked them “Do you want the magic answer, or the grownup answer?” Utter perfection. (Her daughter chose the magic answer, by the way.)

This guy who drove 11 hours to be with his grandma

@jodiegarner12 @TheModernGolfer drove 11.5 hours to surprise his queen as it was her late husband’s birthday today. Never forgotten and will always look after his grandmother ❤️🌹#loyalty #family @Rosalie Gessey ♬ These Memories - Hollow Coves

Holidays can be painful when you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one. Which is why on the anniversary of his late grandfather’s birthday, professional golfer Jordie Garner drove eleven hours to spend time with his grandmother so she wouldn’t have to be alone. This adorable video shows Jordie showing up to surprise his grandmother, with flowers and a present in hand. Now that’s true love.

This mom's sweet "I love you" surprise

@goodnewscorrespondent

Daughter is surprised when her mom, who is non-verbal with Alzheimers, replies I LOVE YOU! ❤️ As a daughter of a mom with ALZ, this had me in tears. 😭💞 Cherish these moments. @momolarks800

♬ original sound - Good News Correspondent

Tiktok user @momolarks80 caught an unexpected (and heartwarming) message when she filmed herself and her mother saying hello. Living with Alzheimer’s and mostly nonverbal, her mother surprised her with a rare “I love you”—to which the daughter responds by planting a kiss on her cheek. Talk about wholesome.

For more reasons to smile, check out all the ways Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season, here.

File:L.N.Tolstoy Prokudin-Gorsky.jpg - Wikipedia

Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as"War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina.” His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul. His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.

Juan de Medeiros, a TikTokker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent, and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.

“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”

@julianphilosophy

Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women

De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.

It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.

Through the words of Tolstoy, de Medeiros makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence. Truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.


This article originally appeared last year.

Pop Culture

Elton John hired a sniper for his ultimate prank against lifelong 'frenemy' Rod Stewart

The rock legends have a long history of playing viscous pranks on one another.

Elton John and Rod Stewart.

For over 50 years, rock ‘n roll legends Elton John and Rod Stewart have been historic “frenemies” and pranked each other in grand ways that only people worth hundreds of millions of dollars can. “We try and publicize the fact that we always have a go at each other in the papers, but in fact, we do that for reasons known only to us. Actually, we're really good friends,” John told David Frost in 1983. The rockers even have drag names for one another, John calls Stewart “Phyllis, and Stewart calls John “Sharon.”

The rivalry came to a head in 1985 when John saw the perfect opportunity to cut Stewart’s ego down to size. The “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” singer was playing a series of dates at London’s Earl’s Court and had enormous balloons, the size of blimps with his face on them, hanging above the venue to advertise the shows.

John couldn’t miss such an incredible opportunity to prank Stewart. So, he had a sniper bring down the balloon with an air rifle. “I was staying in London and could see it from my hotel room. It was too good an opportunity to miss. So I called my management, who hired someone to shoot it down: apparently, it landed on top of a double-decker bus and was last seen heading towards Putney,” John recalled.



“An hour later, the phone went. It was Rod, spluttering: 'Where's my f***ing balloon gone? It was you, wasn't it? You cow! You bitch!' A year later, when I was playing Olympia, the promoters hung a huge banner across the street. It was mysteriously cut down immediately after it was put up,” John continued. “I learned this had happened from Rod, who seemed curiously well-informed. 'Such a shame about your banner, love. I heard it wasn't even up five minutes. I bet you didn't even get to see it.’”



John and Stewart may have enjoyed a friendly rivalry over the years, but a few years ago, things turned sour. In 2019, Stewart criticized John for going on multiple farewell tours and it rankled the “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” singer. “Talking about retirement, I’ve never spoken about retirement, and if I do retire, I won’t make an announcement. I’ll just fade away,” Stewart said in 2018. “I don’t think this big deal, ‘I’m going to retire’ – it stinks of selling tickets…it’s dishonest. It’s not rock and roll.”

Stewart even emailed John, ribbing him for having multiple farewell tours, but didn’t receive a response.

“He was accusing me of being dishonest about one of the biggest decisions of my life. What’s more, I thought he had a cheek, complaining about me promoting a tour while he was sat on a TV show promoting his own tour,” John wrote in his memoir.

The comments may have hurt John, but Stewart did have a point. In 2015, John had a “Final Curtain” tour, but then in 2018 hopped back behind the piano for a 330-date “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” tour that lasted until 2023.

But Stewart later revealed that it was all water under the bridge and the two were able to leave the comments behind them. “I was a bit spiteful when he announced his tour. I regret it. I really do regret it. So we’re mates again now. I do love him,” Stewart said.

Science

Ecologist 'burst into tears' seeing endangered gliders using boxes designed to save them

A third of the greater gliders' remaining habitat was destroyed in the Australian wildfires, and researchers didn't know if their high-tech box idea would work.

Greater gliders are endangered in Australia and rely on old-growth tree hollows to make their nests.

When a team of Australian researchers started checking the high-tech boxes they'd installed to help save endangered greater gliders, they weren't sure what they were going to find. The hope was that the tree-dwelling marsupials would use them for nesting—a replacement for the tree hollows they normally nest in—but no one knew whether or not the creatures would take to them.

So when Dr. Kita Ashman, Threatened Species and Climate Adaptation Ecologist at WWF-Australia, found a glider in the second box she checked, she was thrilled.

"I just burst into tears, I was so surprised and so happy," she told ABC News Australia.

Greater gliders are nocturnal marsupials that live in old-growth forests of eastern Australia. They have large ears, fluffy fur, long tails, and they can glide up to 100 meters at a time. The species is only found in Australia.

"I grew up looking at greater gliders all throughout the Dandenong Ranges. So they have a really special place in my heart," said Dr. Ashman told ANU.

The special nesting boxes were designed and created through a partnership between Australian National University (ANU), Greening Australia and the World Wide Fund for Nature-Australia after bushfires destroyed a third of the greater gliders' remaining habitat. The tree hollows that greater gliders rely on to nest can take over 100 years to form, according to ANU, so it's not like they can just find some new trees to live in when their homes are destroyed.

Nesting boxes that are commonly used for wildlife aren't a good fit for greater gliders, as the thin walls and lack of thermal protection can result in gliders overheating. (Heat-stressed gliders will slow their eating, which can be life-threatening, according to ANU.) The high-tech boxes in this project are insulated and include a non-toxic, heat-reflective, fire-resistant coating to keep gliders safe.

"I've affectionately been calling this design the Goldilocks box because we hope it will keep greater gliders not too hot and not too cold and will help to increase the species' resilience in a changing climate," Ashman said in July 2022.

"Producing and installing high-quality nest boxes is costly," added ANU research fellow Dr. Kara Youngentob, "so this project is very important because it will help us understand if expensive interventions like nest boxes are the best use of funding in our urgent mission to save greater gliders."

It appears that their efforts are paying off.

"What we didn't know was whether these boxes worked and whether they have an impact on the glider population," Dr. Youngentob told ABC News Australia. "Much to our delight, within a few months of them going up they are already being used by gliders, so we know the individuals themselves like them and use them."

According to Youngentob, greater gliders are the largest gliding marsupial at risk of extinction. More than 200 nesting boxes have been installed in Victoria's East Gippsland and in Tallaganda National Park in New South Wales. Youngentob told ABC News Australia that this project will help researchers learn more about how many of the species are left in the wild.

The quiet, nocturnal marsupial faces threats from climate change and deforestation in addition to the wildfires that ravaged Australia in 2020. Their population has fallen by 80% in the past 20 years and the species reached endangered status in July of 2022.

"They're a treasure for this country." Dr. Youngentob told ANU. "And I think the more people know about them, the more that they will fall in love with them and want to protect them too."


This article originally appeared in January.

Joy

The 'middle seat rule' and other unspoken airplane etiquette passengers should know

How are people who don't travel frequently supposed to know these things?

Avoid common faux pas on airplanes with these unwritten rules.

When you fly on an airplane, you agree to abide the passenger rules set by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), even if you don't know what all of them are. If a crew member catches you breaking an FAA rule, they will definitely let you know. But there are other "rules" of airline travel, largely unspoken and unwritten, that people who fly frequently abide by as well. If you don't travel a lot, you may not be aware of these rules, and it's not likely that someone will tell you if you break them, but knowing them makes air travel much more pleasant for everyone.

The middle seat rule

Most people have a preference for which seat they prefer—window, middle or aisle—with almost no one preferring to sit in the middle. (According to a survey from Going, 53% of people prefer the window seat, 46% prefer the aisle and a whopping 1% want the middle seat.) The window seat gets the views and control of the window shade and the aisle seat gets extra elbow room and controls when the row exits, but the middle seat only seems to come with down sides. Since the middle seat is basically the booby prize of air travel, the person who occupies it deserves to have at least one perk—control over the middle armrests.

empty row of airplane seatsThose two middle armrests go to the middle seat occupant.Photo credit: Canva

The middle seat rule means that the aisle and window seat occupants let person in the middle seat use the two middle armrests. What else do those poor souls have, really?

The rules of reclining

Few airline etiquette topics are more contentious than the "right to recline." The vast majority of economy airline seats have a button that allows the seat back to recline a few inches, but whether or not you should use it is a question without a clear answer. It's become even more of a question mark in the era of ever-shrinking legroom, with passengers fighting for every inch of space they can get.

Though people have strong opinions one way or the other, the general consensus for reclining "rules" seems to be that the courteous thing to do is 1) alert the person behind you that you want to recline, 2) don't recline during a meal, 3) avoid reclining on short-haul flights, 4) don't recline on someone who is using a laptop, and 5) when you do recline, ease the seat back slowly.

The headphones rule

There are actually two rules when it comes to headphones: 1) Wear them if you're watching or listening to something. No one wants to hear whatever you're watching or listening to. And 2) If someone's wearing headphones, don't try to chat them up.

woman wearing earbudsDon't talk to people wearing headphones or earbuds unless you really have to.Photo credit: Canva

Some people are airplane talkers and some aren't, but headphones a surefire way to signal that you're not up for chatting with strangers. If someone is wearing headphones or earbuds, that's a clear "please don't talk to me" sign, so unless there's something you really have to ask or tell someone wearing them, leave them to themselves.

The headrest rule

We all know getting in and out of the middle or window seats to go to the restroom can be a challenge, but if at all possible, try to avoid grabbing onto the headrests of the seats in front of you for leverage. It's better to move more slowly to climb your way across the seats than to seize someone's headrest like it's a grab bar. If you've ever tried to nap on a plane and had your headrest yanked suddenly with someone's full body weight, you understand this rule first hand.

The rules of deplaning

Getting onto a flight is a pretty orderly process since there are assigned seats and boarding groups and whatnot. But getting off the plane is another story. As soon as the plane parks at the gate and the seatbelt sign is turned off, it feels like the whole plane collectively thinks they'll just be able to stand up and walk off, but that's not how it works.

people sitting on an airplaneSit tight until the plane doors open and the front rows start emptying.Photo credit: Canva

First of all, it takes several minutes to get the plane doors ready to open, so standing up and filing into the aisle is a fairly useless practice (which also tends to make people feel a bit impatient). Sitting tight until the first people start actually deplaning keeps things a bit more relaxed.

But more importantly, some people seem to think deplaning is a free-for-all, with whoever can make it into the aisle with their luggage first taking priority, but that's not how it works. Emptying the plane row by row from the front to the back is The Way, so waiting patiently until the rows in front of you empty before filing out makes deplaning more efficient and less hectic.

Most unspoken rules, on airplanes or elsewhere, are based on common sense and/or courtesy. But since air travel comes with its own unique peculiarities, what's sensible or courteous may not be obvious, so it helps to have those rules explained. When everyone on the plane is on the same page, it makes for a much more pleasant travel experience for all.

Couples therapist Jeff Guenther shares 8 strategies for dealing with negative partners.

It’s just a fact of life that sometimes our partners will be in foul moods. But when the occasional bouts of crankiness become a full blown personality—that’s a bit of a different issue, as chronic negativity can cause actual harm to a relationship.

At the same time, it’s important to now throw the baby out with the bathwater. If your partner still has plenty of other redeeming qualities, then it might be worth exploring how establishing new boundaries can possibly salvage things. Plus, nearly all of us have probably been through a difficult chapter where we weren’t at our best for extended periods of time. And it’s often those times that we need support from a loved one most of all.

All this to say—it’s not always an easy road to navigate, knowing when to give our cantankerous partner grace or when to cut ties. But couples therapist Jeff Guenther, who regularly shares relationship advice via his @therapyjeff TikTok account, has eight different ways folks can address 'incredibly negative’ partners through honest communication, which can be great starting points.

First, Guenther urges us to “validate” our partner’s feelings to establish empathy. “Maybe they keep repeating themselves because that's all they need from you,” he explained, adding, “feel free to meet them where they are at and be a little negative too, just don't live there.”

Second, he recommended being “straightforward” about the “impact” this negativity has had, jokingly adding to use all the “therapy speak” he’s imparted in previous videos. Example: “I wanna hold space and offer support for your negative feelings but constant negativity feels overwhelming my nervous system. Can we work together to find more balance?”

@therapyjeff 8 ways to deal with a partner who’s incredibly negative. #therapy #mentalhealth #dating #relationshiptips #datingadvice ♬ original sound - TherapyJeff

Three, create a "negativity free zone,” which Guenther says “sounds dumb but works well.” To set up a negative free zone, simply set aside time or physical spaces where grumblings are off-limits. You could even make it "playful" by coming up with a special signal to “catch complaints” for later venting sessions. But, disclaimer, “don’t be a turd” about catching complaints, Guenther warns.

Four, clearly communicate "emotional boundaries” around this issue. When doing so, it’s important to focus on “I” statements, and be honest about your personal limitations. Guenther demonstrates by saying “I wanna support you, but I only have 15 minutes to hear you vent right now. After that, I need to switch gears.”

Five, encourage problem solving. Basically, when a partner begins to complain, Guenther suggests to “gently redirect” the conversation from venting to “action-oriented thinking” by asking something like, "What do you think could help fix that?" This one not only stops the complaining, but helps remind the partner of their autonomy in the situation. Though Guenther does joke that “this sh*t never works but try it anyway.”

Six is a bit similar to five, since it also involves pivoting the conversation. “Talk about something else,” he says. “Passive aggressive move? Maybe. But if they get mad you can tell them Therapy Jeff told you to do it.”

Seven, don’t take your partner’s negativity personally. Their gloominess has nothing to do with you, and might just be how they are currently “processing stress and frustration,” Guenther notes. It’s easier said than done much of the time, but none the less incredibly important that we protect own energy by not absorbing others—even the energy of our loved ones.

Lastly, if all other methods have failed, Guenther does suggest to "consider compatibility."

“If their negative feelings are chronic and unchangeable, it's okay to question things. You have permission to end the relationship if their constant negativity is dragging you down,” he concludes.

Bottom line: there are of course dealbreakers to every relationship, and constant negativity is certainly a valid one. But there’s something to be said about having strategies to deal with our partner’s not-so-lovely habits in a way that’s compassionate and empowering. At least that way, no matter what route is taken, we know that we’ve shown up in the best way possible.