upworthy
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Carson Daly and his wife sleep in separate beds. Here's why a 'sleep divorce' isn't so bad.

It's a problem a lot of couples face.

sleep divorce, marriage and sleep, snoring
via Unsplash

Co-sleeping isn't for everyone.

The marital bed is a symbol of the intimacy shared between people who’ve decided to be together 'til death they do part. When couples sleep together it’s an expression of their closeness and how they care for one another when they are most vulnerable.

However, for some couples, the marital bed can be a warzone. Throughout the night couples can endure snoring, sleep apnea, the ongoing battle for sheets or circadian rhythms that never seem to sync. If one person likes to fall asleep with the TV on while the other reads a book, it can be impossible to come to an agreement on a good-night routine.

On TODAY, Carson Daly reminded viewers that he and his wife Siri, a TODAY Food contributor, had a sleep divorce while she was pregnant with their fourth child.

“I was served my sleep-divorce papers a few years ago,” he explained on TODAY. “It’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We both, admittedly, slept better apart.”

“We're both pretty good-sized humans and it just wasn't really working when she was in her third trimester, and I also have sleep apnea, which is very sexy for the ladies out there, I'm sure,” Carson told People at the time. “She couldn't get comfortable, so we were like a commercial you would see, kicking each other and just not sleeping.

“We woke up and we just shook hands like, ‘I love you, but it's time to sleep divorce. It'll be the best thing for all of us,’” he added.

The Dalys’ admission was brave, being that a lot of people associate a couple’s intimacy with their ability to share a bed together. It was probably also a relief to countless couples who feel like they’re the only ones struggling to sleep together.

Upworthy’s Heather Wake described the stress that co-sleeping put on her relationship in a revealing article earlier this year.

A sleep divorce may be working for the Dalys, but is it right for everyone?

Wendy M. Troxel Ph.D., a behavioral and social scientist known for her work on sleep and health, believes that couples like the Dalys do right by putting their relationship first.

“Here’s what the science actually tells us about the costs and benefits of sleeping together or apart. When sleep is measured objectively, people actually sleep worse with a partner. In fact, if you sleep with someone who snores, you can blame them for up to 50 percent of your sleep disruptions,” she wrote for TED Ideas.

Troxel points out that even when people suffer from sleep deprivation due to their partner, they still say they prefer sleeping with them versus spending the night alone. She ascribed this opinion to people taking on societal expectations instead of looking at their relationship objectively. “This suggests that our social brain is prioritizing our need for closeness and security at night—even when it comes at a cost to our sleep,” she wrote for TED Ideas.

The Dalys’ admission and Troxel’s research suggest that, in the end, the most important thing is for both partners to get a good night’s sleep, whether that means sleeping in separate beds or in separate rooms. “Just as sleeping together doesn’t guarantee a successful relationship—if only it were that easy!—sleeping apart doesn’t doom you to an unsuccessful one,” Troxel writes.


This article originally appeared on 6.29.22















.

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Pop Culture

'Wheel of Fortune' fans left shocked after contestant wins $50,000 solving impossible puzzle

“How in the world did you solve that last one?” asked host Ryan Seacrest.

Wheel of Fortune/Youtube

That was quite impressive.

Listen, while we all love a hilarious Wheel of Fortune fail, watching an epic win can be just as entertaining. And that’s exactly what recently happened on The Wheel when a contestant named Traci Demus-Gamble made a winning puzzle solve so out-of-nowhere that it made host Ryan Seacrest jokingly check her for a hidden earpiece.

In a clip posted to the show’s YouTube account Friday, Jan. 17, Demus-Gamble waved to her husband who was standing on the sidelines before going up to the stage for her next challenge: guess a four-word “phrase.”

Demus-Gamble wasn’t off to a great start, as only two of her given letters (“T” and “E”) made it to the board. And the odds didn’t improve much after Demus-Gamble, admittedly “nervous,” gave the letters “M,” “C,” “D,” and “O” and only two of those letters showed up once on the board.

“Again, not too much more, but who knows, you’ve had a lot of good luck tonight,” Seacrest said. “Maybe it’ll strike you.”

Then, all in under ten seconds (more like in 1.5 seconds), Demus-Gamble correctly guessed, “They go way back” like it was nothing.

Watch the incredible moment below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

As the audience cheered, Seacrest playfully circled Demus-Gamble, as though searching for an earpiece that must have fed her the winning guess. Down in the comments, people were equally floored.

“Now THAT was an amazing solve.”

“Wow! That was impressive!”

“I couldn't solve that one to save my life, but Demus-Gamble got it like it was nothing.”

“There's only one way to describe this to me: 😦”

At the end of the clip, Seacrest opened the envelope to reveal that Demus-Gamble’s puzzle solve won her $50,000, earning her a total win of $78,650. Certainly not chump change.

As for her winning strategy—Demus-Gamble assured no cheating was involved. “I just dug deep," she told Seacrest. We’ll say.

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Family

7 secrets to raising awesome, functional teenagers.

Step 1: Ditch the myth that all teens are sullen, angry creatures.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

My beautiful teens.


I occasionally get asked by mothers of young children what the secret is to raising great teenagers.

My initial response is that I have absolutely no clue. My kids are who they are IN SPITE of having me as a mother. (The young moms don't find that answer too helpful.)

Really, the first thing that I will tell you is to disbelieve the myth that teenagers are sullen, angry creatures who slam doors and hate their parents. Some do that, but the overwhelming majority do not. Every one of my kids' friends are just as happy and fun as my kids are, so I know it's not just us.

Teenagers are incredible. They are funny, smart, eager to please, and up for just about anything as long as food is involved. They have the most generous hearts and want desperately to be loved and validated. They are quirky and messy and have the best sense of humor.

Smiling teenagers

Bright smiles on the couch.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

So, here is my list of "rules" for raising teens. These are the secrets we have found to be successful.

1. Love them fiercely.

Love everything about them, even the annoying stuff. Love them for their actions AND their intentions. Let them know in word and deed how much you adore them. Daily. Love their wrinkled shirts and Axe-body-spray-covered selves. Love their bad handwriting and pimpled cheeks. Love their scattered brains and long limbs. All these seemingly insignificant details are an amazing, magical process at work. It's like being witness to the miracle of a diamond mid-formation. All this imperfection is going to one day yield a responsible, serious adult. A loving husband and father. Or a wonderful wife and mother. It's a privilege to be witness to such glorious growth.

See your teenagers as a privilege, don't see them as a burden. They're more perceptive than you can imagine. How you feel about them will be no secret. So just love ‘em.

2. Listen and pay attention.

When they walk in the door after school, you have a precious few minutes when they will divulge the secrets of their day with you. Be excited to see them. Put down the cell phone. Don't waste this time making dinner or taking a phone call. Look them in the eye and hear what they are saying. Make their victories your victories. Be empathetic. It is really hard to navigate high school and middle school. Don't offer advice at this time unless they ask for it. Don't lecture. Just listen. It makes them feel important and valued. We all need to feel that way.

3. Say yes more than you say no.

The world is forever going to tell them no. For the rest of their lives, they will be swimming in a stormy sea with wave after wave of "you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" crashing down on their heads. If nothing else, I want to be the opposite voice in their lives for as long as I can. I want to instill in them the belief that they are not limited and they can do anything if they're willing to work hard enough for it. I want to be the YES, YOU CAN in their lives. I want them to leave my house every day feeling invincible.

4. Say no often.

You need to say no to experiences and situations that will set your child up for harm or unhappiness. Don't let them go to the parties where they will be forced to make a choice about alcohol at age 16 in front of their peers . Don't let them stay out until three in the morning with a member of the opposite sex. Be the parent. Set up rules for their safety, both physical and moral. You would think this rule goes without saying, but we have known a shockingly large number of parents who don’t.

5. Feed them. A lot.

And not only them, but their friends too. These bodies are growing and developing at an astonishing rate and need fuel to do so — most of which they prefer to be loaded with processed sugar and hydrogenated-something-or-others. When their friends know your pantry is stocked to the gills with treats, they will beg your kid to hang out at your place. This allows you to not only meet and know their friends, but to keep an eye on your teen as well.


6. Don't sweat the small stuff.

When living with teenagers, it can be so easy to see the backpack dropped in the middle of the living room as laziness. Or the bedroom scattered with dirty clothes as irresponsible. Instead, and before you open your mouth to yell at them, put yourself in their shoes. Find out about their day first. Maybe they are feeling beaten down, and they just need to unwind for a minute and tell you about it. Ignore the mess for a bit and put your arms around that big, sweaty kid and give him a hug. Talk to him about his world. Find out what he did, wants to do, and dreams of doing. THEN, and only then, ask him to pick it up and put it away.

That being said, do I completely ignore the state of my boys' bedrooms all the time? No, I do not. But I pick my battles, and I pick the appropriate time to fight them. Once every seven to 10 days or so, I tell them their bedrooms need to be picked up. Which they do happily because it's not the running loop of a nagging mom. They know when I ask, it needs to be done.

7. Stand back and watch the magic happen.

Teens making silly poses

Having a funny picture taken.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

If you let them, these glorious creatures will open their hearts and love you more fiercely than you could possibly imagine. They are brilliant, capable, strong spirits who bring with them a flurry of happiness. They are hilarious and clever. They are thoughtful and sensitive. They want us to adore them. They need us to adore them. They love deeply and are keenly in touch with the feelings of others.

They are just about the greatest gift God gave to parents.


This article was written by Christie Halversson and originally appeared six years ago.

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Service dog sees his favorite character on a Disney cruise and utterly loses his cool

Pure. Joy.

Photo credit: Canva

Service dogs deserve vacations, too.

Service dogs are professionals who are trained to be attentive, helpful and extremely well-behaved for their owners who rely on them for everyday living. They aren't easily distracted and have solid control over their impulses because their job performance is vital to humans who need them. No one wants a service dog going rogue.

But underneath all of that self-control and professionalism, service dogs are still dogs, as an adorable reunion on a Disney cruise ship makes delightfully clear.

Ashton McGrady is a content creator who shares her adventures with her Golden Retriever service dog, Forest, who has an affinity for Disney characters. In one video, she shows Forest choosing his own stuffy at a Disney gift shop, even putting the money on the counter to pay for it himself. But another video of Forest being reunited with his favorite character, Pluto, has people the world over feeling his joy vicariously.

Watch:

@radiantlygolden

proof that distance won’t keep the very best of friends apart ❤️🚢✨ we love you pluto!!! #servicedog #servicedogteam #disneytiktok #disneycruiseline #disneycruise #hostedbydisney

Ashton calls Forest her "best pal and lifesaver," and it's clear from her videos that they make a great team. People loved seeing the good doggo get to let loose and enjoy a romp with Pluto and how the cast member interacted with him as well.

"Those dogs are such good pups and work so hard to keep their owners safe, it’s nice to see them play for a bit ❤️"

"This is the most golden retriever golden I’ve ever seen 🥰🥰🥰"

"i just know the actor under the costume was having the best day ever."

"DID PLUTO WAG HIS OWN TAIL??? This is the best thing I’ve seen all day"

"It's like the Disney hug rule applies to dogs...but it's play with them until they are done."

The "Disney hug rule" referenced here is an apparently unofficial "rule" that DIsney cast members when dressed in character don't end a child's hug until the child let's go—basically letting the child hug the character as long as they want to. It's not an actual rule, but it's a thoughtful practice some cast members use to make sure their young guests don't leave a character meet disappointed.

For Forest, the equivalent is playing until he (or his owner—he's on the job, after all) decides he's done.

This isn't the first time Forest has had a touching reunion with Pluto. Ashton shared another video with a similar interaction—it's clear that Pluto truly is Forest's bestie.

@radiantlygolden

I just want to go back to this moment 🥹 if you’re friends with pluto and you see this, you made our entire day ♥️ #waltdisneyworld #wdw50 #epcotfestivalofthearts #festivalofthearts #epcot #charactermeetandgreet #disneytiktok #distok #servicedog #servicedogteam #servicedogsatdisney


Ashton also uses social media to educate people about service dogs, as there are a lot of misunderstandings out there about what service animals are, how they work, and where they are allowed to be.

Though service dogs and their owners will often naturally form a bond, a service dog is not a pet; it's a working animal that assists a person with disabilities or health conditions. In fact, service animals are considered medical equipment, in the same category as a wheelchair or an oxygen tank, and they are allowed to go anywhere the person they are serving would normally be allowed to go—even if other animals are not allowed. As the Americans with Disabilities Act website states: "Under the ADA, State and local governments, businesses, and nonprofit organizations that serve the public generally must allow service animals to accompany people with disabilities in all areas of the facility where the public is allowed to go."

Service dogs are sometimes confused with emotional support animals, but they are not the same thing. Service animals are trained to do specific tasks related to mitigating a person's disability, which could range from recognizing when their owner is needing medical attention to reminding them to take a medication to guiding them around an obstacle or across a street.

@radiantlygolden

If a business is not pet-friendly, they may only ask these TWO questions! note: “emotional support” is NOT considered a valid answer to question 2. thank you @Disney Parks for this great example of how it should be done. #servicedog #servicedoglife #servicedogteam #disabilitytiktok #disneyparks

There are some guidelines and laws that govern how the general public as well as private businesses should interact with service animals. First, no one should pet a service animal unless their handler specifically invites them to. Second, there are only two questions a business owner or their staff members are allowed to ask a person with a service dog: 1) Is the dog a service animal who is required because of a disability? And 2) What work or task has the dog been trained to perform? They are not allowed to ask for documentation, ask what disability the person has or ask that the dog demonstrate what they can do.

For people who need them, service animals like Forest are a vital part of living a full life. They are also working professionals who deserve a break now and then, so it's fun to see this good doggo having the time of his life with his buddy, Pluto.

You can follow Ashton on TikTok and YouTube.

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Pop Culture

A comic about wearing makeup goes from truthful to weird in 4 panels.

A hilariously truthful (and slightly weird) explanation of the "too much makeup" conundrum.

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

A comic shows the evolution or devolution from with makeup to without.

Even though I don't wear very much makeup, every few days or so SOMEONE...

(friends, family, strangers on the Internet)

...will weigh in on why I "don't need makeup."

Now, I realize this is meant as a compliment, but this comic offers a hilariously truthful (and slightly weird) explanation of the "too much makeup" conundrum.

comic of woman with "too much makeup"

“Why do you wear so much makeup?"

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

comic of woman with "natural makeup"

“See, you look pretty without all that makeup on."

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

comic of woman with no makeup

“Wow you look tired, are you sick?"

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

comic of lizard person

When I shed my human skin...

Image set by iri-draws/Tumblr, used with permission.

Not everyone is able to turn into a badass lizard when someone asks about their face-painting hobbies. Don't you kinda wish you could? Just to drive this hilarious comic all the way home, here are four reasons why some women* wear makeup:

*Important side note: Anyone can wear makeup. Not just women. True story.


1. Her cat-eye game is on point.

gif of woman with cat-eye makeup

Her cat-eye game is on point.

Via makeupproject.

2. She has acne or acne scars.

gif of woman waving

She has acne or acne scars.

Via Carly Humbert.

3. Pink lipstick.

woman with bright pink lipstick

Yes, pink lipstick.

Via Destiny Godley

4. She likes wearing makeup.

woman doing her makeup

Happy to be going out and feeling good.

Happy Going Out GIF by Much.

While some people may think putting on makeup is a chore, it can be really fun! For some, makeup is an outlet for creativity and self-expression. For others, it's just a way to feel good about themselves and/or enhance their favorite features.

That's why it feels kinda icky when someone says something along the lines of, "You don't need so much makeup!" Now, it's arguable that no one "needs" makeup, but everyone deserves to feel good about the way they look. For some people, feeling good about their appearance includes wearing makeup. And that's totally OK.


This article originally appeared ten years ago.

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Pets

Daycare dubbed 'Heaven for Dogs' lets house dogs run wild on a 20-acre farm

This is like no doggie daycare you've ever seen.

Adelaide Dog Farm Days

Back when I lived and worked in the city, I used to take our dog to doggie daycare. It was a cute little building not far from my office, and I would drop her off in the morning and pick her up on my way home. Periodically throughout the day, I'd get pictures of her playing with the other pups on the enclosed outdoor turf area, or I could check the live camera feed. When I finally got her into the car, she would be happily exhausted. It was a little pricey but she loved it! And it sure beat leaving her home alone all day.

That's the doggie daycare that I know — simple, but a good way to keep your dog stimulated and exercised while you're away. But now I wish that I lived in Adelaide, Australia because there's a new doggie daycare picking up buzz and it might be the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Adelaide Dog Farm Days starts in the most unique and adorable way possible. They come pick your dog up from your house – on a school bus!

The pups pile inside together like a bunch of kids heading to elementary school. It gets a little raucous in there as the excitement for the day builds.

(Spoiler alert: Check out the before and after video. These dogs are wiped out at the end!)

@adelaidedogfarmdays

Friday was hectic! Let’s do it all again next week #dogdaycare #dogbus

Once they get to the farm, they've got a jam-packed day of adventure ahead of them.

We all know the joke that when your dog dies as a kid, your parents tell you that he went to go live on a farm so he could run free and play with other dogs. Well these dogs actually get to do it.

Bus pick up runs from 7-9am, and then the pups get about six hours of free play on a 20-acre farm. They can run through the dirt and grass just about as far as they could ever imagine (the edges are gated in for safety, but the space is massive). They can swim in the lake and roll in the mud. They can follow scents and dig in the dirt uninhibited — no turf playgrounds here! And of course, when they need a break, the staff is on hand to give belly rubs and scratches to anyone who needs one.

Your pup is bound to get messy while he's living his best life, that's why you can opt to have them bathed at the end of the day so they're returned to you fresh and clean.

Seriously, just look at how happy these dogs are. It's no wonder people call this place "Heaven for dogs."

The founder, Owen, recalls sitting at home in his small townhouse with his pet border collie and thinking "You're a farm dog. You deserve a farm."

"All dogs deserve a chance to run around and be a farm dog," he says. That thesis inspired him to open his unique business.

There's nothing wrong with more traditional doggie daycares. They give dogs a chance to play and exercise with other dogs in a safe and contained area instead of being cooped up all day. Play is incredibly important for dogs — did you know that while many mammals love to play, dogs and humans are some of the only ones who never lose that love of games? Even as dogs get older and slow down, they never lose their interest in fun and adventure. In fact, regular play is hugely important for dogs' brains, and can help slow cognitive decline as they age. And of course, the exercise is always important, and even necessary — ask anyone who has an energetic puppy how important it is to let them run every single day.

Few dogs get to ever experience the level of fun and adventure found on an open farm where they can run and swim to their hearts' content. Adelaide Dog Farm Days is getting tons of love on social media, but it's not the only daycare of its kind. You can find similar getaways for your pup in many U.S. states — though they won't always have the adorable morning school bus pick up.

I may not live anywhere close to Adelaide, but watching these videos is inspiring me to get my lazy house dogs some more adventure in their lives. Maybe we'll start with a hike and work our way up to an exhausting, six-hour day on a farm. They definitely deserve it.

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