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Heads together: Breaking the stigma around hair loss across genders

Uncovering the truth: tackling hair loss stigma and solutions for all genders

Heads together: Breaking the stigma around hair loss across genders

While the majority of hair loss products out there cater to male pattern baldness, many people—both assigned female at birth (AFAB) and assigned male at birth (AMAB)—experience hair loss for various reasons. By the age of 50, about 40% of women and persons AFAB will experience female pattern hair loss.

In the past, there weren't many options for the millions of women losing hair. Now, the lid has been lifted on female pattern hair loss, which is a good thing for everyone AFAB. But it makes you wonder—is hair loss gendered? What about treatment options for hair loss?

We'll explore how hair loss impacts people's lives across the gender spectrum, including how and why it happens and what kind of solutions are available today.

Types of hair loss

Hair loss doesn't fit into one category. There are many causes and types of hair loss. Some are caused by autoimmune disorders like alopecia areata or scalp psoriasis, while others result from hormonal changes, medications, or radiation therapy.

Let’s take a look at some of the most common types of hair loss.

Temporary hair loss

The medical term for temporary or sudden hair loss is telogen effluvium. It's caused by stress, hormonal changes, cancer treatment, nutritional deficiency, and some medications.

Telogen effluvium can be disheartening, but when the environmental or internal factors normalize (e.g., hormones stabilize or nutritional deficiencies are resolved), the hair will usually come back.

This type of hair loss is most common in persons AFAB between the ages of 30 and 60.

Permanent hair loss

Permanent hair loss is called alopecia. Unlike telogen effluvium, this type of hair loss occurs when the hair follicles are completely destroyed.

One possible reason for permanently losing hair is cicatricial alopecia, also known as scarring alopecia. In this condition, inflammation destroys hair follicles.

Another possible cause of this type of hair loss is frontal fibrosing alopecia, a type of cicatricial alopecia characterized by hair thinning and hair loss along the sides and front of the scalp. While some treatments can slow this hair loss, frontal fibrosing alopecia is irreversible.

Male pattern hair loss

Androgenetic alopecia—also known as androgenic alopecia—is the collective medical term for both male and female pattern hair loss. Male pattern baldness is hereditary and the most common form of hair loss for individuals AMAB. As such, people with a family history of this type of hair loss are more likely to experience it at some point.

Male-pattern hair loss (also referred to as male-pattern baldness) often starts between 25 and 35 years of age. It typically begins with a receding hairline that forms the shape of the letter “M.” After thinning, the hair falls out at the crown of the head, sometimes resulting in complete baldness across the entire scalp, which is known as alopecia totalis.

Female pattern hair loss

Androgenetic alopecia looks a little different for persons AFAB, affecting fewer people and often causing noticeable hair loss post-menopause.

This type of hair loss typically follows a distinct pattern (known as female pattern baldness) in which the middle part of the scalp widens due to thinning hair on the top. Unlike cases of male pattern baldness, women aren't likely to have a receding hairline.

While scientists have pinpointed a genetic predisposition regarding androgens to cause male pattern hair loss, the exact hereditary cause of female pattern hair loss is still being investigated.

What causes hair loss?

There are a variety of circumstances that cause hair loss, some of which are distinct to people AFAB and AMAB, particularly involving hormonal changes. Here are the major causes of hair loss across genders:

Genetics

Genetics plays a large role in whether someone will experience significant hair loss. Heredity is the main factor in both male and female pattern baldness, though the mechanisms behind the latter are less understood. Individuals with a family history of hair loss (alopecia) have an increased risk of losing their hair.

Statistically, genetics are more likely to cause hair loss in men than women, as many more males suffer from androgenic alopecia.

Stress

A stressful event like a death or major illness can cause temporary hair loss in people AFAB and AMAB. This type of hair loss occurs either because the body's stress response 'pushes' hair follicles into a resting phase or because the immune system attacks hair follicles, as is the case with alopecia areata.

Hormonal imbalance

Androgens are a specific type of hormone found to cause hereditary hair loss. Conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome can cause overproduction of androgens, resulting in hair follicle changes and hair loss.

Persons AFAB are more likely to suffer short-term hair loss from a hormonal imbalance, usually brought on by pregnancy, childbirth, menopause, or thyroid conditions. Hormonal birth control pills can alter the balance of hormones in the body, causing some individuals AFAB to lose hair.

Medications and medical treatments

Medication and radiation treatment can cause temporary hair loss. Usually, hair will come back on its own or with effective treatment once the person stops taking the medication or ceases radiation treatment or chemotherapy.

Certain hairstyles and hair treatments

Wearing hair tightly pulled back can cause a type of permanent hair loss known as traction alopecia. Traction alopecia occurs as a result of continuous pulling, which damages and destroys hair follicles over time.

Hair treatments—like perms and highlights—that involve strong chemicals can cause short-term patchy hair loss.

Trichotillomania

Trichotillomania is a mental health disorder characterized by an uncontrollable urge to pull hair out from one’s head and/or body. It is treatable, but it can cause permanent hair loss. As with traction alopecia, excessive pulling can damage hair follicles, resulting in patchy hair loss.

Medical conditions

Medical conditions ranging from a fungal infection to autoimmune disease can contribute to hair loss. For example, alopecia areata occurs when the immune system attacks follicles; this hair follicle damage results in patchy hair loss.

How to treat hair loss

Hair loss treatments differ depending on the sex assigned at birth and other causal factors. Here are some tips for slowing alopecia and regrowing lost hair.

Take it easy on your hair

You can’t change your genetics, but you can change your habits. Foregoing strong chemicals and tight hairstyles can keep your hair follicles happy.

Treat the underlying cause

When hair loss results from underlying conditions—like hormonal imbalance, trichotillomania, alopecia areata, or hair and scalp disorders—treatment from a medical professional may help improve hair growth and prevent further hair loss.

Medication

In some cases, OTC or prescription medical treatment can help with thinning hair and hair loss. Look for key ingredients associated with treating hair loss (e.g., zinc, biotin, and collagen).

Hair regrowth procedures

There are surgical procedures that can help support hair growth (e.g., hair transplant and laser therapy). While effective, these interventions can be pricey and are generally not covered by insurance.

Can you regrow the hair you’ve lost?

If the hair follicles have been permanently destroyed—as with scarring alopecia resulting from trichotillomania or traction alopecia—new hair growth isn’t possible.

If you’re dealing with a non-permanent type of hair loss, treatment may help reverse hair loss and promote hair regrowth, according to the American Academy of Dermatology.

Hair loss across the gender spectrum

Hair loss can negatively impact self-esteem, regardless of gender. As we’ve discussed, persons AFAB often have a different experience than persons AMAB when it comes to hair loss (alopecia).

Persons AFAB are less likely to experience hereditary hair loss but more likely to experience alopecia areata (patchy hair loss), temporary hair loss, and thinning hair due to hormonal imbalance. Additionally, central centrifugal cicatricial alopecia is mostly seen in African American persons AFAB.

Persons AMAB are more likely to have a receding hairline, and they have a slight advantage in the fight against hair loss since the mechanisms behind their genetics are well-researched and better understood.

Conclusion

While scientists work to bridge this gap and continue investigating the mechanisms of hair loss (alopecia)—particularly as they pertain to female pattern baldness—there are ways to help prevent hair thinning, hair shedding, and future hair loss if your follicles are intact.

Hair growth slows for all of us as we get older, but we can take steps to potentially stimulate the hair growth cycle and slow hair loss. Avoid hair products and dyes that contain harsh chemicals; they can damage the hair roots. Don’t wear tight hairstyles; they can pull on the hair and damage the follicles.

If you’re experiencing extensive hair loss or overall hair thinning due to scalp psoriasis, alopecia areata, or another medical condition, discuss treatment options with your dermatologist. From hair transplantation and topical creams to collagen supplementation and medications, there are more ways than ever to support hair health, regardless of your gender.

Conservation

A juice company dumped orange peels in a national park. This is what it looks like today.

12,000 tons of food waste and 28 years later, this forest looks totally different.

Image via Dan Jansen

A before and after view of the experiment

In 1997, ecologists Daniel Janzen and Winnie Hallwachs approached an orange juice company in Costa Rica with an off-the-wall idea. In exchange for donating a portion of unspoiled, forested land to the Área de Conservación Guanacaste — a nature preserve in the country's northwest — the park would allow the company to dump its discarded orange peels and pulp, free of charge, in a heavily grazed, largely deforested area nearby.

One year later, one thousand trucks poured into the national park, offloading over 12,000 metric tons of sticky, mealy, orange compost onto the worn-out plot. The site was left untouched and largely unexamined for over a decade. A sign was placed to ensure future researchers could locate and study it.

16 years later, Janzen dispatched graduate student Timothy Treuer to look for the site where the food waste was dumped.

Treuer initially set out to locate the large placard that marked the plot — and failed.


natural wonders, nature, recycling, conservation, environment, oranges, orange peels, dumpsThe first deposit of orange peels in 1996.Photo by Dan Janzen.


"It's a huge sign, bright yellow lettering. We should have been able to see it," Treuer says. After wandering around for half an hour with no luck, he consulted Janzen, who gave him more detailed instructions on how to find the plot.

When he returned a week later and confirmed he was in the right place, Treuer was floored. Compared to the adjacent barren former pastureland, the site of the food waste deposit was "like night and day."


Environment, natural wonder, natural miracles, nature, oranges, planet, conservation The site of the orange peel deposit (L) and adjacent pastureland (R).Photo by Leland Werden.


"It was just hard to believe that the only difference between the two areas was a bunch of orange peels. They look like completely different ecosystems," he explains.

The area was so thick with vegetation he still could not find the sign.

Treuer and a team of researchers from Princeton University studied the site over the course of the following three years.

The results, published in the journal "Restoration Ecology," highlight just how completely the discarded fruit parts assisted the area's turnaround.

According to the Princeton School of International Public Affairs, the experiment resulted in a "176 percent increase in aboveground biomass — or the wood in the trees — within the 3-hectare area (7 acres) studied."

The ecologists measured various qualities of the site against an area of former pastureland immediately across the access road used to dump the orange peels two decades prior. Compared to the adjacent plot, which was dominated by a single species of tree, the site of the orange peel deposit featured two dozen species of vegetation, most thriving.


natural wonder, nature, environment, conservation, oranges, orange peelsLab technician Erik Schilling explores the newly overgrown orange peel plot.Photo by Tim Treuer.


In addition to greater biodiversity, richer soil, and a better-developed canopy, researchers discovered a tayra (a dog-sized weasel) and a giant fig tree three feet in diameter, on the plot.

"You could have had 20 people climbing in that tree at once and it would have supported the weight no problem," says Jon Choi, co-author of the paper, who conducted much of the soil analysis. "That thing was massive."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Recent evidence suggests that secondary tropical forests — those that grow after the original inhabitants are torn down — are essential to helping slow climate change.

In a 2016 study published in Nature, researchers found that such forests absorb and store atmospheric carbon at roughly 11 times the rate of old-growth forests.

Treuer believes better management of discarded produce — like orange peels — could be key to helping these forests regrow.

In many parts of the world, rates of deforestation are increasing dramatically, sapping local soil of much-needed nutrients and, with them, the ability of ecosystems to restore themselves.

Meanwhile, much of the world is awash in nutrient-rich food waste. In the United States, up to half of all produce in the United States is discarded. Most currently ends up in landfills.


natural wonder, nature, conservation, environment, planet, oranges, orange peelsThe site after a deposit of orange peels in 1998.Photo by Dan Janzen.


"We don't want companies to go out there will-nilly just dumping their waste all over the place, but if it's scientifically driven and restorationists are involved in addition to companies, this is something I think has really high potential," Treuer says.

The next step, he believes, is to examine whether other ecosystems — dry forests, cloud forests, tropical savannas — react the same way to similar deposits.

Two years after his initial survey, Treuer returned to once again try to locate the sign marking the site.

Since his first scouting mission in 2013, Treuer had visited the plot more than 15 times. Choi had visited more than 50. Neither had spotted the original sign.

In 2015, when Treuer, with the help of the paper's senior author, David Wilcove, and Princeton Professor Rob Pringle, finally found it under a thicket of vines, the scope of the area's transformation became truly clear.



natural wonder, nature, environment, environmental miracle, planet, oranges, orange peelsThe sign after clearing away the vines.Photo by Tim Treuer.


"It's a big honking sign," Choi emphasizes.

19 years of waiting with crossed fingers had buried it, thanks to two scientists, a flash of inspiration, and the rind of an unassuming fruit.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

Image via Canva

Young girl with alopecia removes her hat in public for first time.

Makeup has the incredible ability to transform and empower. For makeup artist Abby Wren (@abbywrenartistry), her art and alopecia diagnosis changed the life of another special young girl with alopecia named Elyssa.

In a touching video shared by Wren, Elyssa shared the heartwarming story about how the two connected during a one-on-one glam session.

"Today was Elyssa’s FIRST time bald in public!! 🥹," she captioned the post. "I am SO incredibly proud of her courage all day long, and so grateful we caught this special moment together where she bravely pulled off her hat for the first time around other people."

In the video, Elyssa sits across from Wren as she dips her brush into her makeup palette to begin. The two chat, and Wren asks Elyssa if she wants to take her hat off so she can have more space and access to apply while also encouraging her not to be ashamed of her lack of hair. "I don't know. I'm not sure," Elyssa replies wearily. With love and understanding, Wren responds, "You know that it's totally a safe space if you want to take it off."

Although she's encouraged, Elyssa is still unsure. So, Wren adds, "Feel it out. Feel it out. No pressure either way." The man behind the camera comments on how cool Elyssa's brightly colored sweatshirt is, and Wren agrees. "I know, it's so cool. I love it," she says.

Without a moment's notice, Elyssa decides to take off her hat and proudly display her beautiful, bald head. "Yay! My girl, now we're twins," Wren says. "High-five! Girl, I'm so proud of you. That's really, really rad." In a caption within the video, Wren writes, "me: trying to play it cool and not overwhelm her, but freaking out inside. SO proud of her!"

Wren continues to chat with Elyssa as she applies neon green eyeshadow to her. Elyssa replies, "Thank you!" And Wren cannot contain her joy. "We're twins now! So cool! I love it!" The video pans to the two posing together after her glam sesh is complete. Wren added a mushroom and frog to Elyssa's cheeks for a cool-girl final look.

In the caption, Wren shared more about how her interaction with Elyssa impacted her mom. "Her sweet mom and I had an emotional chat later and reflected on how powerful this Alopecia community is, and how important it is to CELEBRATE being different!" she added. "If this brave 10 year old can face her fears, you can too. Forever inspired by these amazing babes! 💗"

And her viewers are ecstatic about the uplifting moment between the two:

"This is incredible. You could just see her confidence grow as she sat with you. I bet she holds onto this interaction for the rest of her life 🩷"

"You are a sweetheart! She trusted you with her insecurities and you helped her be brave. I love this. 💞👏👏."

"Way to go Elyssa!! You are so beautiful and your courage has me in tears. My baby boy also has AT and he owns it, you are an inspiration 🥰."

Jan Langer's incredible photos are timeless.

Czech photographer Jan Langer's portrait series "Faces of Century" shows them in a different light: as human beings aged by years of experience, but at their deepest level, unchanged by the passing of time. In the series, Langer juxtaposes his portraits with another portrait of the subject from decades earlier. He recreates the original pose and lighting as closely as he can — he wants us to see them not just as they are now, but how they have and haven't changed over time. That is the key to the series.

These are the rare faces of people who have lived through two world wars, a cavalcade of regimes, and the rush of advancements in modern life. These photos, and the stories of the lives lived by the people in them, show not only the beauty of aging, but how even as we age, we still remain essentially ourselves.


All photos by Jan Langer.


1. Prokop Vejdělek, at age 22 and 101


aging, photos, older people with their younger selves, aging process, 100 years oldProkop Vejdělek, at age 22 and 101via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Vejdělek is a former metallurgical engineer who will never forget the taste of warm fresh goat's milk.


2. Bedřiška Köhlerová, at age 26 and 103



via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Originally born in Merano, Italy, Köhlerová wishes to visit Italy one more time.


3. Ludvík Chybík, at age 20 and 102


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Chybík is a former postal carrier and says he will never forget the route he worked every day.


4. Vincenc Jetelina, at age 30 and 105


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Jetelina spent eight years in prison after World War II. Now, he just wants to live the rest of his life in peace.


5. Antonín Kovář, at age 25 and 102


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Kovář is a former musician whose daughter comes to visit him every day. He wishes to play the clarinet once more.


6. Anna Vašinová, at age 22 and 102


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Vašinová will always remember the day her husband was taken away by the Nazis. She wishes to be reunited with him after death.

7. Stanislav Spáčil, at age 17 and 102


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Spáčil was an electrical engineer throughout his life and thinks that it's too early in his life to think about the past.


8. Anna Pochobradská, at age 30 and 100

via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Pochobradská was a farmer. She now lives a quiet life and is thankful that her daughter visits her every weekend.


9. Antonín Baldrman, at age 17 and 101


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Baldrman was a clerk early in life and keeps up with current events by reading the newspaper.


10. Marie Burešová, at age 23 and 101


via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Burešová loves talking to her family and wishes to have them all together again.


11. Vlasta Čížková, at age 23 and 101


aging, photos, older people with their younger selves, aging process, 100 years oldvia Jan Langer/Aktualne

Čížková cooked in the dining room at the airport in the small village of Vodochody. She'll never forget reciting her own poetry at wedding ceremonies.


12. Ludmila Vysloužilová, at age 23 and 101


aging, photos, older people with their younger selves, aging process, 100 years oldvia Jan Langer/Aktualne

Vysloužilová stays active every day by chopping wood, shoveling snow, and doing work around her house.


The photographer Langer was initially inspired to document the lives of elderly people because of what he saw as the media's lack of coverage of them. He decided to focus on people over the age of 100 — a very rare demographic indeed. The 2020 U.S. Census recorded 80,139 people aged 100 or older, a 50.2% increase from the 53,364 centenarians counted in 2010. As our aging population continues to increase, and technology evolves along with it, it's likely these incredibly photo essays will become far more common. But for now, they are an incredible reminder of how precious and valuable life is, sometimes especially when we reach our golden years.

“One should live every single moment according to their best knowledge and conscience because one day we will see clearly what has a real value," Langer says of what he learned from his subjects while photographing them.

The series was originally part of a story that Langer did for the Czech news outlet aktuálně.cz. You can see more photos from the portrait sessions by following the link.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

History (Education)

What the 'gym bros' of the 19th century used as workout equipment was wild

Our understanding of exercise physiology has come a long way since the 1800s.

Swedish physician Dr. Gustav Zander designed dozens of exercise machines in the mid-1800s.

In the 2020s, you can't scroll through social media without seeing someone's workout photos or videos from the gym (and thanks to the algorithm, if you so much as pause to look at one of them, you'll be fed gobs more of them—good times!). Modern gym culture includes all manner of equipment—barbells, dumbbells, kettlebells, treadmills, stair machines, ellipticals, Nautilus machines, Pilates reformers, bikes for spinning, and more.

exercise, exercising, working out, workout gear, gymgym GIFGiphy

While we know that organized fitness goes back thousands of years (hello, Ancient Greek Olympics), we might assume exercise machines are an ultramodern phenomenon. But their mechanical predecessors go back nearly two centuries at least. In fact, Swedish physician Dr. Gustav Zander (1835–1920) created a whole gym full of machinery for exercise in his Stockholm Mechanico-Therapeutic Institute in the mid-1800s.

Dr. Zander opened his first institute in 1865 with 27 machines, and by 1877 there were 53 different Zander machines in five towns in Sweden. His work was funded by the Swedish government and his gyms were free for all to use. Soon, however, he began sending his machinery to Russia, England, Germany, and Argentina. After winning a gold medal at the 1876 Centennial Exhibition in Philadelphia for his exercise machine designs, demand for his equipment in America grew and Zander became one of the first international fitness entrepreneurs.

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitness, exercise, health, wellnessOne of the predecessors of modern gym equipmentthe-public-domain-review.imgix.net

Zander's “mechanotherapy" machines had familiar fitness concepts behind them, such as resistance training and muscle group isolating exercises. In the photos of them, we can see how some of them worked, while others result in more questions than answers.

(One of the biggest questions is did people really work out in long dresses and 3-piece suits? Or were these simply photos taken for demonstration purposes? That would still be hysterical—imagine someone in a suit or long dress trying to market a modern workout machine.)

Let's take a closer look at some of Zander's machines:

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitness, exercise, fitness equipmentBicep curls, anyone?the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

This machine looks pretty straight-forward. Aside from the wooden base and ornate metalwork, it doesn't look a whole lot different from a modern arm curl machine. It's not clear whether or how you can adjust the weights, however.

exercise equipment 19th century, dr. gustav zander, health, fitness, gym, exercisePrecursor to the stationary bike?the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

This pedal-pushing machine looks like it could be something akin to a stationary bike. Look how pretty those "wheels" are. Seriously, what's up with the buttoned-up vest and tie, though? Did people not sweat when they exercised in the 19th century?

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitness, health, fitnessSomething like horseback riding?the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

This machine is supposed to simulate riding a horse. Except without stirrups, not sure how that actually gets you the physical fitness benefits of horseback riding. Perhaps it's about maintaining balance or stability? Simply the movement and vibration? Hard to say.

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitness, health, exercise Clearly isolating the foot and/or leg. For what, though?the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

This one looks complicated. And confusing. It doesn't really look like a leg press, but maybe it is? Press and rotate at the same time? Would love to see this one actually in being used.

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitness, health, wellnessWhat does this machine even do?the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

I'm sure Dr. Zander knew what he was doing, at least based on the understanding of exercise physiology at the time, but what the heck is this machine? There's so much going on here with the wheels and the lever and whatever's going on behind him. No clue.

Apparently, at least some of Zander's equipment differed from today's technology in that they were marketed as passive activities—in other words, the machines were supposedly doing the work for you. You just sit or stand or lie there and let the machine do its thing. Some were driven by steam, gasoline, or electricity rather than the human body to produce vibration and massage, producing more of a physical therapy effect than a muscle-building or cardiovascular workout.

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitnessWomen also demonstrated Dr. Zander's exercise machinery.the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

Despite the fact that some of Dr. Zander's inventions look more like torture devices than workout machines, he could rightfully be called the father of gym equipment. It's pretty fascinating to see how far we've come in learning about how the human body works, what we need for optimal fitness, and how innovative design has evolved over the centuries to help people hone their strength and physical fitness.

exercise equipment, dr. gustav zander, history of fitness, exercise, health and wellnessDo we even want to know what this machine does?the-public-domain-review.imgix.net

Perhaps most importantly, it's a relief that we do all of that in cool, comfortable athletic gear now instead of wool suits and thick petticoats. Yeesh.

See more photos of Dr. Zander's exercise machines here.

Love Stories

Woman who was chastised for being excited about first date shares inspiring update

"Every day this man reminds me that I made the right decision putting on my dress to impress him."

Woman chastised for excitement about date has inspiring update.

Everyone has their own dating preferences, which is a good thing because everybody looking for the same type of person would get pretty boring (and competitive). But with all the dating gurus and armchair experts on the subject, it can feel like there's no winning at this dating game. One dating influencer says women should never make the first move but another says that women who make the first move are the gold standard.

Chances are if one person has an opinion on something there's another so-called expert with the exact opposite opinion. One woman found herself staring down a slew of negative comments after she innocently shared a video about preparing for her first date with a man. Yaya, who runs the social media account, Past Perfect with Yaya recently updated her followers about that unexpectedly controversial date.

In order to understand why the update was so significant, we first have to revisit why the first date garnered such negative reactions. Yaya shares a brief recap in her update saying, "I made a video saying I met a man on a dating app and he told me he made me reservations at an Italian restaurant and I said I don't eat Italian food, or I don't prefer it rather, but please keep the reservations because nobody has made reservations like that for me in a while. Just made the plans."

couple, dating, relationships, couples, first date, datesCouple lounging on the hood of a car. Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

This is the bit that seemed to send the Internet armchair experts into a tizzy. She explains that so many people made fun of her and told her that she was the reason the bar was so low for men among other unkind comments. The entire situation Yaya described appears to be people who found time to be unnecessarily rude to someone who was simply excited to go out on a date with a man who thought enough to make reservations at a nice restaurant.

The woman who was surely confused by people's reactions could've listened to the naysayers. Yaya could've cancelled the date or decided not to go back out with the man when the date was over due to other people's opinions on what constituted a proper date. Instead, she went with her gut and got all gussied up to meet the guy who was considerate enough to make reservations for her even before he knew her favorite food.

dates, dating, nice restaurant, first date, relationships, Woman wearing black sweater holding hand with man wearing gray suit jacket. Photo by René Ranisch on Unsplash

"Well, I'm still with that man," she reveals. "Here we are three years later. We have traveled to many countries, many cities, many roadtrips. We've lived in different houses and done different things."

Had she listened to the people putting her down for the excitement she was feeling at the time, she would've missed out on what appears to be a great relationship.

"Everyday this man reminds me that I made the right decision by putting on my dress to impress him. And that had I listened to them I would not be living in Santa Barbara, California right now with the man I'm about to go to Turkey with, that just went to the store and bought me lipstick," Yaya says.

She explains that she's obsessed with a particular lipstick and noticed stores were no longer stocking them, so when her partner went to the drug store to pick up some sleeping medicine, he saw they had the lipstick she likes and grabbed it for her. That's it. It was a simple gesture of consideration, the same consideration he showed by making the reservation for their first date.

Yaya ends the video by saying, "Don't let these people convince you that your love should be according to their definition. You love and be loved according to your soul and your spirit and your heart. We are still together almost three years later all because I got excited that he made reservations for dinner and he has made me excited about life ever since."