upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Most Shared

Believe there's nothing left in nature that can surprise you? Guess again.

These 23 animals will make you think again.

1. The Klipspringer could probably jump over your house.

Have a silver dollar nearby? Hold it in your hand. Now picture a 40-pound, 3-foot-tall deer balanced delicately on it. Congratulations, you've caught a klipspringer!


A klipspringer jumping about 20% as high as it could if it really wanted to.

Native to sub-Saharan Africa, the klipspringer is a tiny ungulate with a big vertical jump. Its little legs — tipped by tiny round hooves each the size of a dime — are incredibly strong and can propel the klipspringer up to 50 feet in the air. It's the highest jumper relative to body size in the animal kingdom.

Another fun fact? Thanks to the succulent plants they eat, klipspringers never need to drink water.

2. Hummingbirds have adorable tiny bodies and disturbingly big appetites.

If you think flight makes your heart beat faster, you have nothing on the hummingbird. To stay aloft, this tiny avian wonder flaps its wings up to 3,000 times a minute — with up to 1,260 heartbeats in the same time.

Can't talk. Busy. Photo by Andrew E. Russell/Flickr.

Hummingbirds have the fastest metabolism of any warm-blooded animal and need to eat 3,500 calories a day (for a human, that would be about 510 cheeseburgers a day). When resting at night, they go into a state of semi-hibernation, slowing their metabolism to 1/15th of its normal rate.

3. The hippopotamus is fast. And will bring the pain.

A full-grown hippo is the third largest land mammal in Africa, behind elephants and rhinoceroses.

OH HAI LETS HANG OUT I HAVE NO BOUNDARIES!

Their name in greek means "river horse," and if you've ever seen them swim, you can understand why.

They're also just as fast on land — running up to 11 mph over short distances — as this unlucky gentleman found out.

Because of their aggression and size, hippos are considered one of the most dangerous animals in Africa. But maybe they have a right to be — the International Union for the Conservation of Nature rates hippopotamuses as "vulnerable" to habitat loss and at risk of poaching for their meat and ivory canine teeth.

4. The mantis shrimp can boil water. Seriously.

First things first: This shrimp is not for scampi.

Beautiful. Deadly. Delicious? Photo by David Amsler/Flickr.

Unlike a lot of other shrimp, the mantis doesn't scavenge. It prefers to hunt its prey; attacking snails, mollusks, and rock oysters with quick hits from its club and spear-like appendages. Just how quick? This quick:

Dibs!

Or, as The Oatmeal put it in an ode to the Mantis shrimp: "If human beings could accelerate their arms at 1/10th that speed, we'd be able to throw a baseball into orbit."

A mantis shrimp strike can reach speeds of 75 feet per second, so fast that they cause the water around them to boil, creating a powerful shock wave of bubbles that blasts their prey immediately after a hit. Even if the first hit somehow misses the prey, that shock wave is often enough to incapacitate or kill it.

Not surprisingly, the mantis shrimp isn't super popular among aquarium keepers due to their tendency to destroy decorative corals, eat every other living creature, and sometimes (apparently) break the glass of the tank.

5. The albatross thinks 12-hour flights are for wimps.

With a wingspan stretching more than 12 feet, the great albatross is the largest living flying bird. Their huge wings make them expert gliders. By riding updrafts and downdrafts as they fly, albatrosses can cover up to 1,000 miles in a single day — all without flapping once.

When you call something an albatross, technically it's a compliment. Photo by Protographer23/Flickr.

Albatross pairs fall in love over several years and — after several complicated mating dances — will bond for life. The female lays a single egg every year.

Perhaps the most badass albatross is a female Laysan albatross named Wisdom. Born in or around 1951, she is the oldest known wild bird in the world. Researchers first banded her in 1956 and estimate that she's flown 3 million miles since then — the equivalent of circling the globe 120 times.

There are 22 subspecies of albatross in the world, all of which are endangered or vulnerable.

6. Bonobos take "make love, not war" to a new level.

Photo by Jeroen Kransen/Flickr.

The bonobo is neither violent nor vicious, which may have you wondering how it made it on this list of badass animals in the first place. But the bonobo wouldn't be thinking about that — it'd be too busy getting busy.

The bonobo is the second-most-sexual living animal, after humans. Researcher Franz de Wall dubbed them the "make love, not war" species, after noting that they resolve almost all of their conflicts through sexual activity.

Bonobo society is a gynecocracy, with groups of females responsible for maintaining the peace. The only pairings of bonobos who do not have sex are mothers and sons. Aside from that, bonobos are sex-positive, promiscuous, and appear to form no lasting monogamous bonds. They are also highly tactile animals, kissing and holding hands, with both males and females engaging in same-sex interactions.

Between 29,500 and 50,000 bonobos remain in the wild, only in the basin of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. They are endangered, with commercial poachers posing their greatest threat.

7. The Hercules beetle could kick your butt at Crossfit.

The Hercules beetle is the rare insect that even an entomophobic can appreciate. The third-largest insect in the world, it regularly grows to six and a half inches in length, though its prominent horn-like pincers can sometimes account for more than half that length.


Photo by Udo Schmidt/Flickr.

Unlike many other insects, Hercules beetles remain in their larval stage for a year or more, growing more than four and a half inches long and weighing 3.5 ounces. Researchers previously thought a Hercules beetle could carry up to 850 times its weight on its shell but have since adjusted that figure down to 150 times. Which is still pretty awesome.

By comparison: The strongest human, Paul Anderson, once lifted 6,270 pounds, or 17x his weight.

Hercules beetles are generally very peaceful herbivores and only fight other Hercules beetles during mating season.

8. The Pacific salmon has a built-in GPS.

Whoever coined the phrase "you can never go home again" clearly never met a Pacific salmon. Every year, millions of Pacific salmon leave the ocean and migrate up rivers and streams to spawn and die.

During their journey, Pacific salmon swim against powerful currents, hurl themselves up and over river rapids, evade wolves, birds, and even hungry grizzly bears before reaching the same spawning grounds where they were born a few years before. And they do it all based on their memory of what that stream smelled like when they swam in it as tiny fry.

Pacific salmon are a keystone species that feed otters, seals, eagles, wolves and bears. Researchers estimate that bears leave about half of the salmon they eat on the forest floor, where the carcass deposits life-giving nitrogen to help trees and plants grow.

Salmon are at great risk of habitat encroachment by industrial development, pollution, and overfishing. And yet there's still hope. A local citizens group in Burnaby, Canada, spent the past few years remediating Still Creek — a salmon-bearing stream in an industrial area that had not seen salmon for 80 years. And in 2013, the salmon returned for the first time.

9. The cold never bothers the wood frog. He just freezes solid in it.

In many ways, the wood frog is just your average amphibian. He's relatively small, likes to eat bugs, and has an excellent long jump. But there's one thing that makes him extremely unique, and it's how he handles cold weather.

He freezes solid.

No, really. Solid.

Please don't use me in your cocktails. I'm a wood frog, not an ice cube. Photo by Dave Huth/Flickr.

There are two reasons wood frogs can freeze and thaw and still live. First, they stuff their cells full of glucose and urea so that only a few ice crystals can form inside. Then they burrow under leaves and wait for the cold. When a wood frog touches an ice crystal, its skin freezes first, then its blood. As long as no more than 65% of the water in its body freezes during the winter, a wood frog will wake up in the spring ready to go.

10. The octopus can escape from things we haven't even thought up yet.

There are a number of reasons the octopus might land on a list of badass animals. It has jet propulsion, amazing camouflage, ink-jet self defense, and powerful sucker-studded limbs. But above all, the octopus is exceptionally intelligent — perhaps the most of all the known invertebrates.

Photo by NOAA Ocean Explorer/Flickr.

In research environments, octopuses can navigate mazes and solve puzzles with relative ease. They are famed for figuring out complicated locks and escaping enclosures. Like, for example, a jar:


Is your brain telling you to panic right now? Mine too.

In the wild they've been known to sneak aboard fishing boats and eat crabs in the hold. Oh, and they can use tools! Like this octopus toddling off with a pair coconut shells to construct a shelter.

Certain countries, including Canada, New Zealand, Australia and the European Union, have banned surgical research on octopuses and cephalopods without anesthetic, citing the animals' superior intellect.

11. The atlas moth isn't a pair of snakes, it just really really looks like it.

With a wingspan stretching nearly 10 inches, the atlas moth is one of the three largest insects in the world. It takes its name from three possible origins:

  • Atlas, the Greek titan who holds the world across his back.
  • The map-like patterns across its wings.
  • Or the Cantonese name "snakes head moth," which pays tribute to the details on its wingtips that make the moth look like it is two snakes intertwined in a tree. It's more than just a pretty pose; this also helps the atlas moth escape birds, who will see the wing tips and think a snake is about to eat them!

Gigantic nightmare moth with snakes for wings? Sign me up. Photo by Alias 0591/Flickr.

A lot of websites report that Taiwanese women use atlas moth cocoons as purses, but we couldn't find any photographic proof. Have you seen one? Let us know!

12. The giant squid is the size of a bus and lives in your nightmares.

Found in the deep sea worldwide, this massive cephalopod can grow to lengths up to 43 feet for females and 33 feet for males.

Nope. NOPE. NOOOOPE.

Like their genetic neighbor the Humboldt squid, giant squid are predatory, feasting on deep sea fish and other squids. To capture its prey, the giant squid reaches out with two of its six suction-studded tentacles. Each sucker is surrounded with sharp bone-like serrations, allowing it to grab hold and dig into the flesh of its target.

Once they grab hold, the giant squid uses its tentacles to pull the prey into its sharp beak, where more tiny serrations on its tongue shred anything left to bits.

Giant squid are so large that their only known predators are sperm or pilot whales. They're also totally terrifying to see underwater, particularly when they come at your camera.

13. The immortal jellyfish thinks your "YOLO" tattoo is adorable.

Some animals can regrow limbs. Others heal extremely quickly. But only one animal can never die.

I don't think you are ready for this jelly. Photo by Alexander Vasenin/Wikimedia Commons.

The immortal jellyfish is the only known creature to revert back to a youthful state after reaching full sexual maturity. Starting life as a tiny blob, the creature grows into a polyp colony, then into the full life cycle of a jellyfish, then back into a polyp colony. It does this over and over and over again, making it (as one researcher says) "biologically immortal."

The immortal aspects of this jellyfish were only discovered in the mid-1990s, so there's a lot still to be learned from it. But if researchers ever figure out how to make humans live forever, we might owe some of that to this little guy. Give him a high-tentacle next time you hang out.

14. The Tasmanian devil can bite through a bowling ball.

Pound for pound, the Tasmanian devil is one of the meanest, toughest mammals on the planet. It lives only on the island of Tasmania, south of Australia, which is probably for the best because this fella is lethal.

The cartoons about me were not a lie. Photo by S J Bennett/Flickr.

Honestly, it is. The Tasmanian devil likes to hunt at night and is capable of climbing trees, swimming across rivers, and running 17 miles per hour for 60 minutes straight. Once it has its prey within reach — watch out. The devil has a bite strength of more than 1,200 pounds per square inch — the same as a grizzly bear.

Devils have a voracious appetite, eating everything from roadkill to wombats to small kangaroos to swimming rats to discarded shoes.

Unfortunately, Tasmanian devils are now classified as endangered after a rare facial cancer wiped out tens of thousands of devils in the past several years.

15. The superb bird of paradise can beat you in a dance-off.

If the aptly named superb bird of paradise could sing, he'd be the avian equivalent of Justin Timberlake. After all, he's already got the best dance moves around.

This badass tropical bird lives only in the rainforests of New Guinea. In the species, males greatly outnumber females, to the point where a female superb bird of paradise will reject between 15 to 20 male suitors before selecting a worthy mate. So, what's a male bird got to do to stand out?

THIS:


Hola, mi mujer. ¿Vamos a hacer el baile del amor?

During mating season, male superb birds of paradise will select a dance floor (sometimes even cleaning it with leaves before a female arrives), then call out for a potential partner.

When she arrives, he'll dance up on her, plumage on fleek, until she either gives in to the moment or flies away.

16. Hey "Hunger Games" fans, the lyrebird is an IRL mockingjay.

The lyrebird has an incredible gift for imitating the sounds it hears in the forest, both from animals and humans. Check out this incredible video where David Attenborough watches a lyrebird imitate a kookaburra, two different types of camera shutters, a car alarm, and a chainsaw. You might not believe your ears.

Photo by Sean Kelleher/Flickr.

Amazing, right? But there's more. Here's another lyrebird who has learned to imitate the sounds of children's video games, among other sounds.

The odds are ever in your favor if you want to see and hear a lyrebird in the wild: They're found throughout Australia and Tasmania.

17. The clownfish takes its birth gender as a light suggestion.

For most of us, our knowledge of the clownfish is pretty much limited to what we picked up from watching "Finding Nemo." But the reality of these little tropical anemone-dwellers is quite different than what Pixar showed us and significantly more awesome.

Not funny clownfish is not funny. Photo by Per Edin/Flickr.

For one thing, clownfish are what you might call in fancy science terms, "sequential hermaphrodites." They'll develop first as females and then into males. A female clownfish is the head of a colony, which will usually have a few juvenile males in it along with one adult male breeding partner. Should the female disappear or leave the colony (say for barracuda-related reasons), the male breeding partner would reverse gender and become a female. The next eldest juvenile male would grow up quickly and take his place.

Gender fluidity and immunity to sea anemone venom? That's a pretty badass little fish (even if he can't really tell a joke).

18. The Galapagos tortoise will outlive your great-great grandchildren.

There are very few animals who've remained relatively unchanged for millennia. The Galapagos tortoise is one of them. These giant, lumbering ancient beasts can live well over 100 years and up to 225 years in captivity.

Early biologists discovered 15 subspecies of Galapagos tortoise, of which 10 remain. The differences between the species — particularly those between tortoises living in highlands versus lowland regions — were part of what sparked Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.

I woke up like this. Photo by putneymark/Flickr.

One very famous tortoise, Lonesome George, lived in the Galapagos for more than 150 years before he passed away in 2012. George was famous for many reasons, the greatest being his reluctance to take a mate. His death marked the extinction of his subspecies (abingdonii).

While there are an estimated 19,000 tortoises worldwide, the species is still considered vulnerable.

19. The tarsier is a bug-eyed, branch-hopping bringer of death.

Believe it or not, this odd little creature is a primate —and the only exclusively carnivorous one in the entire order.

Come at me, bro. Photo by Bernard DuPont/Flickr.

Found only in Southeast Asia, tarsiers are known for their nocturnal habits, their long legs, and their gigantic eyes. Those eyes are almost the same size as the tarsier's brain, giving them incredible night vision for hunting their favorite prey: insects (though they'll also eat birds, snakes, lizards, and bats). Those giant eyes don't move in their sockets, though, so to see anything that isn't directly in front of it, the tarsier must swivel its head about 180 degrees.

Once it sees potential prey, the tarsier can jump 40x their body length from branch to branch to catch it. This is for the best since the combination of its long skinny back legs and smaller front legs means it cannot walk on land or dance a jig.

20. The leafy sea dragon's fashionable camouflage could make the cover of undersea Vogue.

With their beautiful feathery plumage, it's easy to mistake a leafy sea dragon for a piece of Australian kelp or seaweed.

I can't kelp that I look this good. Photo by VirtualWolf/Flickr.

These expertly camouflaged sea dragons are genetic cousins of sea horses. And like seahorses, the males raise the babies. After fertilization, male leafy sea dragons incubate eggs for four to six weeks, carrying them on a sponge-like "brood patch" on the underside of their tail.

In the 1980s, taking home sea dragons as pets became popular with divers. By 1990, population levels were so low that the Australian government instated full protection for the species. Numbers have recovered, but leafy sea dragons are still listed as near threatened.

21. Meerkats use teamwork — and venom immunity — to defend their manor.

How you like me now, Kalahari scorpion? Photo by Trisha Shears/Flickr.

We know what you're thinking: How can anything that cute possibly be badass?

But the meerkat is pretty incredible. They're devoted team players, living and working together with family and friends.

They're extremely vocal and use clicks and purrs to communicate while hunting. They have six distinct calls to warn each other about possible dangers. They live in the Kalahari desert, one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. And unlike humans, they're immune to the venom of Kalahari scorpions. So jealous.

22. The platypus is an adorable venomous abomination.

With a duck bill, webbed feet, furry body, and beaver tail, the platypus looks like the Mr. Potato Head of mammals. Seriously, look at this little weirdo:

Don't let its seemingly contradictory appearance fool you, though. The platypus is venomous!

Twins attempting to not stab you with venom. Photo by Torsten Blackwood AFP/Getty Images.

When threatened, a male platypus secretes venom from a gland connected to spurs on its back feet. This venom isn't strong enough to kill a human, but it can cause excruciating pain and severe swelling to those unfortunate enough to be caught behind an angry platypus during mating season.

23. The narwhal is the unicorn of the sea.

The narwhal only has two teeth, but what it lacks in tooth quantity, it makes up for in quality.

As it matures, a male narwhal's canine tooth will grow through its upper lip into a giant spiral ivory tusk 9 or 10 feet long. The tusk is incredibly sensitive with up to 10 million nerve endings inside. Its true purpose is not certain — initially researchers believed the tusk was a weapon, others thought it had navigational functions, and others believe it is used for mating rituals or battles with other potential suitors.

A group of narwhals reminisce about that one time they tricked Ahab's Moby-Dick crew into thinking unicorns were real. Photo by Glenn Williams/Wikimedia Commons.

The narwhal is mentioned throughout classical literature — including Jules Verne's "20,000 Leagues under the Sea" and Herman Melville's "Moby-Dick."

The two greatest risks to narwhal populations are pretty depressing: suffocation under shifting sea ice or starvation. About 80,000 narwhals live in the wild, and the species is considered near threatened.

These animals are undeniably awesome.

But there's one opposite-of-badass quality a lot of them have in common. Seven of them are considered endangered, vulnerable, or threatened by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature. If you're interested in learning more about helping at-risk animals, visit their website.

Oh, and if you could share this, that'd be awesome.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity

How do you get someone to open their minds to another perspective?

The diversity of humanity means people won't always see eye to eye, and psychology tells us that people tend to double down when their views are challenged. When people are so deeply entrenched in their own perspectives they're refusing to entertain other viewpoints, what do we do?

Frequently, what we do falls into the "understandable but ineffective" category. When we disagree with someone because their opinion is based on falsehoods or inaccurate information, we may try to pound them with facts and statistics. Unfortunately, research shows that generally doesn't work. We might try to find different ways to explain our stance using logic and reasoning, but that rarely makes a dent, either. So often, we're left wondering how on Earth this person arrived at their perspective, especially if they reject facts and logic.


According to Stanford researchers, turning that wondering into an actual question might be the key.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Questions are more effective than facts when it comes to disagreements.Photo credit: Canva

The power of "Tell me more."

Two studies examined how expressing interest in someone's view and asking them to elaborate on why they hold their opinion affected both parties engaged in a debate. They found that asking questions like, "Could you tell me more about that?” and ‘‘Why do you think that?" made the other person "view their debate counterpart more positively, behave more open-mindedly, and form more favorable inferences about other proponents of the counterpart’s views." Additionally, adding an expression of interest, such as, ‘‘But I was interested in what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about how come you think that?” not only made the counterpart more open to other viewpoints, but the questioner themselves developed more favorable attitudes toward the opposing viewpoint.

In other words, genuinely striving to understand another person's perspective by being curious and asking them to say more about how they came to their conclusions may help bridge seemingly insurmountable divides.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Asking people to elaborate leads to more open-mindedness.Photo credit: Canva

Stanford isn't alone in these findings. A series of studies at the University of Haifa also found that high-quality listening helped lower people's prejudices, and that when people perceive a listener to be responsive, they tend to be more open-minded. Additionally, the perception that their attitude is the correct and valid one is reduced.

Why curiosity works

In some sense, these results may seem counterintuitive. We may assume that asking someone to elaborate on what they believe and why they believe it might just further entrench them in their views and opinions. But that's not what the research shows.

Dartmouth cognitive scientist Thalia Wheatley studies the role of curiosity in relationships and has found that being curious can help create consensus where there wasn't any before.

“[Curiosity] really creates common ground across brains, just by virtue of having the intellectual humility to say, ‘OK, I thought it was like this, but what do you think?’ And being willing to change your mind,” she said, according to the John Templeton Foundation.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Curiosity can help people get closer to consensus. Photo credit: Canva

Of course, there may be certain opinions and perspectives that are too abhorrent or inhumane to entertain with curious questions, so it's not like "tell me more" is always the solution to an intractable divide. But even those with whom we vehemently disagree or those whose views we find offensive may respond to curiosity with more open-mindedness and willingness to change their view than if we simply argue with them. And isn't that the whole point?

Sometimes what's effective doesn't always line up with our emotional reactions to a disagreement, so engaging with curiosity might take some practice. It may also require us to rethink what formats for public discourse are the most impactful. Is ranting in a TikTok video or a tweet conducive to this shift in how we engage others? Is one-on-one or small group, in-person discussion a better forum for curious engagement? These are important things to consider if our goal is not to merely state our case and make our voice heard but to actually help open people's minds and remain open-minded in our own lives as well.

Shitsuke, Japanese parenting, parenting, Japan, discipline. learning
Photo credit: Canva

Parents watch as their child uses a toothbrush.

When it comes to parenting, sometimes the simplest reframing of how you discipline can make all the difference. In a YouTube video, pediatric occupational therapist Emma Hubbard shares a tip she describes as the "Japanese rule that changes everything."

It's a method called "Shitsuke," which she explains literally translates to "discipline." She claims it's the "one simple rule that Japanese parents follow that helps create calm, respectful, and obedient children."


Hubbard makes it clear from the jump that although the word translates to "discipline," it doesn't carry the same meaning it does in Western culture. Instead, it's about getting ahead of behavioral issues rather than responding to them.

"It's really easy to fall into a cycle that looks something like this," she says. "We wait for our kids to act out, then we punish, lecture, or bargain with them. Shitsuke flips this completely."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She goes on to explain that Shitsuke strongly urges parents to nurture their children by modeling good behavior and giving clear, consistent instruction.

"It's based on the belief that children develop good manners and courtesy through instruction and practice, not through punishment or hoping they'll just figure it out," she says. "Instead of constantly putting out fires, Japanese parents prevent them by actively teaching the exact behaviors they want to see."

Hubbard shares three main principles of this method:

1. Model the behavior you want to see

It's actually quite simple. Hubbard explains, "Japanese parents understand that kids are observational learners. If you want a calm child, you must be calm. If you want a respectful child, you must be respectful, especially when you're frustrated. And if you don't want your child to scream when they're angry, then you should also try not to scream when you're angry."

2. Be consistent with clear rules

Studies show that children are less anxious when given clear instructions and predictable routines.

"The truth is, rules don't make children unhappy," Hubbard says. "In fact, having no clear rules is what makes them anxious and stressed. Think about it like this. Imagine if you went to work and your boss never told you what time to arrive, what your job was, or even when team meetings started. You'd be anxious, stressed, and confused all day. And that's exactly how your child feels without clear rules."

In an article for Psychology Today, Jenalee Doom, PhD, points out that "both children's and adults' brains love predictability. We can still get pleasure from unpredictable things like surprises, but in general, we feel safe and secure when we have predictable routines, and we find unpredictability to be highly stressful." She goes on to offer suggestions for helping children feel safe, such as keeping regular bedtimes and having meals together.

3. Learn to reframe "naughty" behavior into a learning experience

This is the game changer for many parents, and what Hubbard calls the most important part of the concept.

"This is the most important part of Shitsuke that completely changes everything," she says. "Instead of just saying 'Don't do that' or 'Stop being naughty,' Shitsuke teaches parents to ask one crucial question: 'What skill does my child need to learn here?'"

The clear genius behind this principle is that it takes mistakes (which are going to happen) and turns them into lessons.

"This shift in thinking changes everything because instead of punishing the behavior you don't want, you start actively teaching the skill that they're missing," she adds. "And that's when you see real, lasting obedience because your child actually knows how to behave well."

children, discipline, shitsuke, Japanese method of learning, lessons A young girl has a tantrum. Photo credit: Vinh Thang on Unsplash

Hubbard's YouTube video has nearly one million views and over one thousand comments, many of which add insightful thoughts to the conversation.

One commenter stressed the importance of being respectful:

"Something I will add: growing up in Japan, polite behavior was acknowledged and positively reinforced by nearly every adult I interacted with. Not just my teachers, but my pediatrician, my neighbors, the old lady who ran the corner tobacco store, my barber, etc. Saying 'good morning!' or 'thank you!' felt fantastic, because here you are a tiny child being respectfully greeted by big adults. As an adult, I now acknowledge kind American children I encounter with comments like 'thank you, that was very considerate' to pass it on, and I see them smile. I do not have children of my own, but I encourage everyone to notice the children who are trying their best and to thank them for it."

Another commenter backs up the claim that children often thrive when they have set rules:

"Rules don't make children unhappy. 100%. As a teacher, they're the ones who expect me to follow the rules and enforce the consequences all the time. Predictability makes kids happy."

This commenter discusses the value of the words parents use:

"Framing of messages are so important. For example, instead of saying, 'Don't forget…,' rather say, 'please remember.' Or, 'Don't pull the kitty's tail,' instead say, 'Please pet it gently.' Reframe the message from communicating with negatively charged words to positively charged words by telling them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do."

Popular

I showed my Gen Z kids 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions to it floored me

"Inspiring" apparently means different things to Gen X and Gen Z.

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, gen x and gen z differences

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved film from my youth that I thought they'd love, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpectedly negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.


The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They did love the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they also admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTube youtu.be

The traumatize part I actually get—I'd forgotten just how incredibly heavy the film gets all of a sudden. (A caveat I feel the need to add here: Gen Z uses the word "traumatize" not in a clinical sense but as an exaggerative term for being hit unexpectedly by something sad or disturbing. They know they weren't literally traumatized by the movie.)

But in discussing it further, I discovered three main generational differences that impacted my kids' "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

 o captain my captain, dead poets society Individual impact isn't as inspiring to Gen Z as it was to Gen X. Giphy

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for his death, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory so my "sad part" warning was a little insufficient.

But also to be fair, Gen X youth never got any such warnings—we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.


3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X either overlooked or saw as more nuanced

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could arguably be seen as. My own young Gen X lens saw Knox and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a total creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

run, red flag behavior Gen Z is much more black and white about behaviors than previous generations. Giphy Red Flag Run GIF by BuzzFeed

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors and calling them out. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which was…interesting.

To be clear, I don't think my Gen Z kids' reactions to "Dead Poets Society" are wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page when it comes to these kinds of analyses, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as well—hopefully without "traumatizing" them too much with the experience.

This article originally appeared in January.

comedian, comedy, jimmy carr, standup, philosophy, parenting, dads, fatherhood, family, kids

Comedian Jimmy Carr put the jokes aside and delivered a brilliant nugget of parenting advice mid-show.

Jimmy Carr is best known as a comedian, but he also has dyslexia and had extreme trouble reading and writing into his early teen years. Years later, he'd go on to graduate from Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge with degrees in social and political science and first class honors.

It's safe to say that, jokes aside, he's a pretty smart guy. And in Carr's standup routines, he's not afraid to set aside the gags for a few minutes and get serious about topics that he feels deserve proper attention.


At a recent show, Carr was performing crowd work—asking questions and bantering with the audience—when an audience member called out a poignant question.

"What's your advice for parents with toddlers?" a woman yelled out.

"Well, I mean, practical advice? You can half-ass it. Get an iPad, a Netflix subscription, and you're off to the...races. They'll be very... happy," he said. The crowd roared with laughter. But Carr wasn't done. "You want serious advice?" he asked the woman.

Seamlessly, he launched into his philosophy on parenting.

"Hard choices now, easy life later," he said to a round of applause from the crowd. "I bet you fucking love your kids, but you've also got to love who they could be. So it's kindness, isn't it? You want to be really kind to your children, but not just kind in the moment. In the moment, what do kids want? They want to watch TV, not read books. They want to eat junk food, not vegetables. If you give in to that, if you're kind in the moment, you've got fat, stupid kids. That's no good. You've got to be a little bit mean in the moment."

He then joked that this clip would become his own "famous last words," so to speak when his own kids get older and reveal what a terrible father he turned out to be.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Carr taps into a common debate in his performance here: When does gentle parenting become so gentle that it does kids a disservice?

Millennial and even Gen Z parents are "breaking generational cycles of harshness and emotional distance," writes Motherly. Baby Boomers were notoriously distant, often as a result of their own upbringing, and some experts say Millennials have perhaps overcorrected.

Gentle parenting preaches connection over correction and validating a child's feelings frequently. Research generally suggests this is a good approach, but it's a high-wire act that requires careful calibration. Otherwise, as Carr points out, you wind up letting kids do whatever they want in an effort to be kind and avoid hurting their feelings—an approach called permissive parenting. That ultimately doesn't serve them in the long-run.

He doesn't shy away from the fact that being "meaner" is hard, and far easier said than done. It's a good thing to care about your kid's happiness, which is why Carr's reframe of the approach is so brilliant. You're being kind to the person your child will one day be, by being a little bit "meaner" right now.

comedian, comedy, jimmy carr, standup, philosophy, parenting, dads, fatherhood, family, kids Jimmy Carr became a dad in 2019.Albin Olsson/Wikimedia Commons

Carr is often all jokes, but he's been known to get serious when it comes to parenting. Reports say that Carr has one son, Rockefeller, who was born in 2019.

At another recent show, a woman called out wondering how she should deal with the kids who were bullying her 11-year-old son. After several minutes of non-stop, chaotic, ridiculously silly jokes, Carr turned on a dime.

"Speaking as a parent... you cannot helicopter parent. You cannot pave the jungle. You can just teach him to get through it. It's a very tough thing. On the upside, your kid is being bullied. That's terrible, I imagine heartbreaking for you...But at least he's not the bully. Tell him from me, you can't have an easy life and a great character. You can't have both. It'll make him stronger and better and more compassionate in the future," Carr said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Carr's parenting advice videos have gone mega viral across social media and commenters can't believe how skillfully he can transition from jokes to solid gold words of wisdom.

"Jimmy can turn things on a sixpence from humour to compassion. He is a remarkable person."

"Just a brilliant intelligent empathetic chap."

"I do like how Jimmy can flip from the most savage come backs possible into full on philosopher in the most natural way."

"I love how this applies to essentially everything in life. Hard choices now. Easy life later. So simple, so true"

It shouldn't be a surprise that a comedian like Carr has such thoughtful takes on everything from mortality to parenting to life itself and happiness. Comedy is ultimately rooted in fundamental truths about the world. What's special about Carr is how he can turn off the funny filter and deliver that truth in its purest, most potent form when needed.

Parenting

Instead of a 'Sweet 16,' mom hosts 'Coming of Age Brunch' with adult mentors for her teen daughter

She calls it a "birthday tradition that will change your teenager's life."

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens

A group of women raising glasses (left) A happy teen girl (right)

Turning sixteen is considered a milestone. It symbolizes the beginning of the transition from childhood to young adulthood, and the start of new privileges, responsibilities, and identities.

Many families celebrate this new chapter with some kind of “Sweet 16” ritual. Depending on one’s culture, it might go by a different name, such as a bar/bat mitzvah (when a boy/girl turns 13 in Jewish culture) or a quinceañera,, (when a girl turns 15 in Latin American culture). Each celebration involves slightly different traditions, but generally have the same intention of commemorating a child’s newfound maturity.


A mom who posts parenting tips under the handle of @simplyonpurpose recently shared her unique take on a “Sweet 16,” which she hails as “a birthday tradition that will change your teenager’s life.”

She calls it the “Coming of Age Brunch.”

Rather than having a birthday party with friends, this mom has her child choose a select group of adult mentors who have played a “special part” in the child’s life. These guests are asked to bring letters conveying, in their own words, “what it means to be a strong woman” and sharing special praise for the teen.

The reason is simple: “Children need a village during their adolescent years more than at any other time in their lives,” @simlyonpurpose wrote in her caption. This was a tradition that began with her eldest daughter, who is now 22. Doing it for now the third time, @simplyonpurpose feels confident that “every teenager needs this- a room full of adults that you admire praising you.”

It sounds lovely. Imagine if every girl had this kind of support as they entered an undeniably turbulent stage of life. Sure, maybe the hormonal fluctuations, body image issues, changing friend groups, relationship dramas, and social media challenges would still be there, but perhaps they wouldn’t be quite so all-consuming.

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens A teen girl getting a hug.Photo credit: Canva

And to be clear, the OP clarified that this was not strictly a girls-only ritual, though she would tweak it slightly for a boy, featuring a “fire pit with roasted hotdogs and marshmallows” and male mentors to share words of wisdom and love.

This is great to hear as well, considering there have been a lot of conversations centered around how a lack of healthy mentors has led many young men to getting “red pilled,” or influenced by misogynistic and radicalized online forums that target lonely or vulnerable boys by offering a sense of belonging.

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens A teen boy wearing headphones while looking at his phone. Photo credit: Canva

By and large, other parents were totally on board with a “Coming of Age Brunch.” Quite a few were excited to try it out for their own teens.

“This really resonates. 💗 I want to do something similar for my daughter as she turns 17," one person wrote.

"Teens don’t need more preaching. Instead they need trusted adults who model strong values, healthy boundaries, and long-term thinking. That kind of guidance sticks,” added another.

Another added, “I cannot even think of anything that could possibly be a better gift - you just cemented her village. How incredible!”

The proverb “It takes a village” is an extremely popular saying found in many cultures across the world, but it's lately accompanied with the lament that villages are not so easy to come by in the modern world. Maybe by creating new traditions like this, we are able to reclaim that sense of much-needed community. At the very least, young folks don’t have to feel so alone, and that in itself is a great thing.