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Recently, a mom named Kelsey Pomeroy shared what she called a "bit of a controversial parenting take." While it might sound prickly at first, it can be a powerful way to teach kids emotional regulation.

It all comes down to this simple mantra: "You can walk and be sad at the same time."

In a video posted to Instagram, Pomeroy used the example of her son, who had recently said he was "too tired" to go to school. Pomeroy knew he'd gotten enough rest the night before and wasn't sick; it was simply more comfortable to stay in bed. So while she acknowledged and validated her son's feelings, she reiterated that important responsibilities, like school, can still get done, even when emotions aren't optimal.

In her caption, Pomeroy argued that a lot of moms and dads who are Team Gentle Parenting get stuck on validating the feeling part. All that rumination can result in "overload" with no real way forward, especially because kids, and even some teens, have "bummer blindness," meaning that every setback feels like a "BIG important crisis."

"We have to actively TEACH and CALIBRATE their new brains to differentiate between BIG bummers and LITTLE bummers," Pomeroy wrote. The "you can feel x and still y" idea helps with that by teaching kids the difference between genuinely needing to push through and knowing when to pull back, something many Millennials and those who came before them never quite learned.

"Many of us never learned where our actual limits were," Pomeroy said in the comments. "Then we became parents and focused hard on emotional intelligence. But in the process, we sometimes robbed our kids of the opportunity to see their potential by unintentionally robbing them of resilience. That is why teaching both emotional intelligence and advocacy, as well as grit, is so important."

Pomeroy also astutely noted that tone means everything. Rather than dismissing, chastising, or being sarcastic, she explained that "it is a loving and motivating 'you can do it, you can do this' tone."

Therapist applying tape to a boy's leg on a treatment table.Photo credit: Canva

"The key is: We are NOT 'moving on.' We ARE 'moving forward.'"

Adults do things while tired and frustrated all the time, Pomeroy argues, making it a "crucial skill that we have to build up in our children."

In the comments, people seemed to wholeheartedly agree.

"Learning how properly to carry every emotion while still function in society is a huge advantage."

"Wise words. Our job is to model and encourage resilience so our kids can be ready for their adult lives. It's the 'and.' We love them, we see them AND they can do hard things."

Smiling child in a striped shirt, flexing arms in a playful muscle pose.Photo credit: Canva

"As a parent who's been stuck in the validating and wallowing with no forward momentum, this is the most common sense parenting advice on the internet. Thank you for providing us with something actionable!!"

"We absolutely must teach them these skills so that they can grow up to function and thrive in the adult world. 👏"

Parenting is about preparing kids for healthy adulthood. Sometimes that means teaching them that they are, in fact, safe to show up even when the good feelings aren't there.

Follow Pomeroy on Instagram for more helpful (and fun) parenting content.