A man pointing at his watch.
When parents set rules and boundaries, they usually do so with their family's best interests in mind. They should be adhered to and respected by all, even close family members. The dad revealed that when his in-laws continually ignored punctuality and hindered their plans, he drew up a perfect boundary.
The in-laws were always late to every event, and it was becoming a huge inconvenience for his family. When they refused to make changes despite being confronted, he set a straightforward boundary that was sure to be effective: The Five-Minute Rule.
A man staring at his watch.via Canva/Photos
What is the 5-minute rule?
The dad mentioned that he was married for 16 years and his in-laws had “never been on time” to any event. He added that they weren’t even a few minutes late, but delayed by half an hour or so all the time. The man recalled a situation that was the last straw. His teenage kids had canceled their plans to spend time with their grandparents on Halloween, but they were late as usual. “They were supposed to be here at 6:30 PM to go trick-or-treating. At 7:15 PM, we called and they said they were '5 minutes away.' 22 minutes later, they arrived without any concerns,” the dad mentioned. The dad then came up with the “5-minute rule.”
He finally put his foot down and explained that the in-laws can't be any later than 5 minutes. “If you tell me you're gonna be somewhere at a time and aren't, after 5 minutes, I will leave. If we are meeting to eat or something and you're late, we will order and eat without you, we will leave when we finish, even if you're just getting there,” the dad explained. He didn’t just devise the plan but also executed it unapologetically so the in-laws would learn a lesson. “Tonight, they had plans to take my kids out for dinner. They said they'd be here at 7 PM,” the dad noted. Despite being reminded about the rule, they hadn’t arrived by 7.05 PM.
Here's how the dad handled his late in-laws
“I called them. They said they were 10 mins away. I told them to not bother with it. They tried to ask me to give them another chance since they live an hour away, and I said no way and stuck to it,” the dad mentioned in his post. He added that he felt the in-laws were being “disrespectful and not valuing” his time, and that he had to draw the line somewhere. His confident and assertive response is a perfect example of setting clear boundaries.
When we set boundaries, it's good for both sides of the relationship. "When we learn how to set boundaries in a healthy way, we are respecting ourselves, as well as making room for an honest and realistic relationship with others around us that won’t cause burnout," Amanda White, LPC, writes in Therapy for Women.
People supported the dad’s reaction and applauded him for taking a stand for himself. u/islandtan11 said, “Clearly your in-laws don’t respect or the time frame you gave and importantly - your kids.” u/kipsterdude wrote, “It's one thing if it's a rare occurrence but their behavior is chronic.”
This article originally appeared 2 months ago.