Mom shares clever twist on the classic babysitting swap for more date-nights and nights off

Date nights are important for any couple with kids. But they can be hard to come by if you don't have lots of family nearby or have infinite money for, and access to, trustworthy babysitters. Enter the babysitting swap! It's a popular concept where couples with kids will take turns "swapping" babysitting duties with other couples they know so each can enjoy the occasional date night.

My wife and I have done this with friends, and it's great! It's free and it gives your kids a chance to play with their friends. But it does come with a few logistical challenges. Like the fact that two sets of children from different families will have different bedtime routines and needs. It can also be a lot of work for the babysitting couple to take care of twice the number of children, and then to have to navigate the different nighttime needs of both sets of kids all on their own.

Mom Abigael Lanai thinks she's 'cracked the code' behind the perfect babysitting swap.

As she explains in an Instagram reel, here's how it differs from your usual swap:

First, it starts later. In this version, the babysitting couple shows up for duty after the parents have already put their own kids to bed in their own rooms. So it means date night has a delayed start, but the kids get their own bedtime with their own parents which (hopefully) goes off without a hitch. And the babysitting couple just has to act as "warm bodies" in case of emergency—so, in most cases, they won't have to do much work.

You might be thinking, it only takes one person to be a warm body! And where are the other kids during all this? Now this is the twist! In Abigael's example, she goes over to her friend's house to "warmbodysit" by herself while her husband stays home and puts their kids to bed. Now, Abigael can relax on her own and watch Netflix or read on the couch, while her husband can enjoy a night to himself at home playing video games or whatever husbands like to do. And all the while, the other couple is out on a date.

“He’s getting a night to himself to play video games ... they’re on a date ... I am chilling on their couch, I’m going to watch their Netflix, I get a night off from doing my kid’s bedtime routine and watch whatever trash reality TV that I want," Abigael says. "It’s a win for everybody.”

Actually this is pretty much what Michael Scott would call a win-win-win.

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You can watch Abigael's full explanation here:

People had a lot of opinions on Abigael's secret recipe for more date nights and nights off. Most loved the idea.

Abigael's video went viral on Instagram to the tune of over 100,000 Likes and 2.5 million views. Her advice was a huge hit with moms who are desperate for more relaxing time in their lives.

"This is the 'village' I wish I had," one user wrote.

"As a mom who doesn’t really do well with other people’s kids, this would be a great option for me. I like the idea of not actually having to babysit, but just being the responsible adult in case of emergencies. I can do that," another said.

Commenters also had a few misconceptions about the method. The first being "This isn't a night off if you're taking care of other people's kids." But remember, the idea of warmbodysitting is that you won't have to do anything unless there's an emergency or the kids wake up! They're already asleep when you show up and, most of the time, moms like Abigael who warmbodysit for friends just hang out and watch TV. Sounds like a night off to me.

The second misconception was that the dads are getting off too easy in this arrangement. "He just gets to play video games while you do all the work?!" Don't forget that if dad stays back at home, he's putting his own kids down and doing bedtime at the house solo. So he's putting in plenty of work before he gets to relax.

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Others brought up a more-than-fair point: Communities of friends and families helping to care for each other's kids shouldn't be unusual or even interesting. It should be the norm, and in some communities, it already is.

"This truly shows how little community at large is valued in mainstream (read: white) culture because this is a pretty reasonable and normal thing I have always seen done in my various communities. It’s sad that it’s ‘revolutionary’," a user wrote.

Now, this approach won't work for everyone. If your kids are in a phase where they're waking up a lot, it could be a problem. But luckily there are lots of different set ups you can explore to see what might work for you, your kids, and your lifestyle.

Here are some other popular versions of babysitting swaps that can also be lifesavers — and marriage savers.

The daytime swap. In this version, Couple A goes out on a date while Couple B watches the kids, but just for a few hours during the day. Couple B just has to supervise a big play date, no stressful bedtime stuff necessary. Some people love being the babysitting couple in this scenario because, with the kids so pre-occupied playing with each other, mom and dad can get a ton of stuff done around the house.

The multi-family swap. If you can involve three or four different families, you'll have more kids in the mix but also more capable adults to help watch them. A four-family setup works well, with two couples going out and two couples watching all the kiddos. Plus, it's way more fun for the babysitting couple if they have friends there to socialize with while they're supervising.

The moms- or dads-only swap. Date nights don't have to be just for couples! A great way to get extra social time with your friends who are parents is for the dads to stay home with the kids while the moms go out together, or vice versa. It works great when all four people in the couples are great individual friends as well.

Parents need quality time with their kids, spouse, and friends—plus time spent alone to enjoy whatever they like doing. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to get them all! We need to be so much better at leaning on, and supporting, our community of parents so that we can at least attempt to fill our cups with the social, romantic, and alone time we need. Abigael's version is just one of many that give us a fighting chance.