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An Actress Puts Herself In 10 Scenarios, And Too Many Women Can Relate To Them
When you delete a few letters from "don't get raped," it turns into the conversation we should be having.
06.24.14
Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.
When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.
Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.
Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.
"I will be your friend."
Ouch. My heart.
Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:
"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"
Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.
"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"
Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.
She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.
"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"
Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.
Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.
This article originally appeared on 8.2.19
This guy exposes the absurdity of sexist marketing by creating shirts that label men like we do women.
Recently, Upworthy shared a tweet thread by author A.R. Moxon who created a brilliant metaphor to help men understand the constant anxiety that potential sexual abuse causes women.
He did so by equating sexual assault to something that men have a deep-seeded fear of: being kicked in the testicles.
Hi, guys. Imagine if one day you got kicked in the nuts, really hard, on purpose.
You doubled over. Felt the pain. Nearly passed out. Nearly puked.
Then you got kicked again. And again.
— A.R. Moxon (Julius Goat) (@JuliusGoat) October 6, 2018
Imagine that later your father explained that women just wanted to kick men in the nuts, so as a boy you had to be careful.
Imagine he had very detailed practical advice on this.
Imagine you started spending your life planning on avoiding being kicked in the nuts.
— A.R. Moxon (Julius Goat) (@JuliusGoat) October 6, 2018
Imagine there were laws that said that if a wife kicked her husband in the nuts it wasn't assault.
Imagine you heard about men with ruptured testicles who had to pay for their own forensic reports
Imagine you saw statistics showing only 1% of kickings resulted in conviction.
— A.R. Moxon (Julius Goat) (@JuliusGoat) October 6, 2018
An anonymous man in England who goes by the Twitter handle @manwhohasitall has found a brilliantly simple way of illustrating how we condescend to women by speaking to men the same way.
My friend is a history teacher. She's compiling a list of great historical figures and she needs a male to add to the list. Suggestions?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) September 1, 2017
To all smart men. Don't act dumb around women! It's OKAY to be a man and be smart. Some women actually find it attractive
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 22, 2019
ALL MEN! Kickstart the summer with a super-healthy salad, barely-there legs, invisible pores, a transculent face, a tiny voice and the waist of a wasp* (* a very thin wasp).
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 22, 2019
TODAY'S FACT: Some boys pretend to be into STEM, some boys believe in unicorns. My empowering new range celebrates 5 additional types of men. https://t.co/IW6nhn8iwA pic.twitter.com/HioRkr4JHP
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2019
TODAY'S DEBATE: How can men dress for summer in a way which is neither too conservative nor too revealing? Is it even possible?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2019
My friend is chairing a 3-day computer science conference next week. There are two men on the registration desk and one of the 63 speakers is male. Is this enough, or should she look for another male speaker?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2019
"I'm very uncomfortable interacting with men at work in case I accidentally comment on their hair, face or weight. It's a nightmare, you have to be so careful. Increasingly I think the only solution is to stop employing them." Claire, CEO
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 18, 2019
Why do men have to make everything about gender?https://t.co/lKS2E6vvFX pic.twitter.com/ts1nqlJvxG
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 17, 2019
Callum, age 22, sales, "I manage to feel great at the same time as answering the phones by using a gentle testicle mist."
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 16, 2019
"I'm not hung up on the term 'everywoman' because I know it refers to both women and men." Tim, age 44, very much an everywoman himself.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 14, 2019
ManWhoHasItAll also highlights society's ridiculous need to label the women who participate in male-dominated fields. We can't just say that Amy Schumer is a comedian. She has to be known as a "funny female" or a "female comic." No one ever feels the need to point out the fact that Chris Rock is male.
When we qualify women for their professions, whether in science and technology or entertainment, it diminishes their involvement and makes them appear instead to be a token of someone who has earned their position.
Comedian Jen Kirkman has a perfect response to the question: What's it like to be a female comedian?
"This question is the hardest part – it's yet again another opportunity for guys to say that I'm complaining or to retread the same old stories. There is sexism in the world so of course it bleeds into every single area of life. I don't answer this particular question anymore," she said.
"Getting put on pink flyers. Being asked to do shows that are marketed in such groundbreaking ways as 'Chicks Are Funny Too,' 'Broads, Beer, and Belly Laughs.' Being introduced as 'a lovely lady,'" she continued.
ManWhoHasItAll has found a brilliant way to spread his message by creating a collection of T-shirts that condescend to men by labeling them "Male Scientist," "Male Lawyer," and "Male Programmer."
These shirts highlight the idea that we can be more inclusive by accepting women in these positions without the need to use a gender qualifier.
Here are some of the shirts you can find at ManWhoHasItAll's website.
This article originally appeared on 7.22.19
"Allow the body to be the guide."
An old woman holding a cane.
Death is the last great mystery that all of us face. We don’t know when we will go or can really be sure what comes next. So there’s understandably a lot of fear and uncertainty that most of us feel around death, whether we’re thinking about ourselves or a loved one.
That’s why Julie McFadden's work is so important. As a palliative care nurse in the Los Angeles area, who has seen over a hundred people die, her TikTok videos shed light on the process to make us all a bit more comfortable with the inevitable.
McFadden is also the author of the bestseller, “Nothing to Fear.”
The nurse’s experience helping people in their final stages has given her a unique perspective on the process. In a recent video, she shared how she can see the first symptoms that someone is going to die a natural death about 6 months before they finally do.
Interestingly, she can determine that someone only has half a year left to live when most of us have no idea they have entered the final stages of life.
@hospicenursejulie Replying to @Mariah educating yourself about scary topics will help decrease fear. ✨Nothing to Fear ✨- my book- out june 11th #hospicenursejulie #hospicenurse #caregiversoftiktok #medicaltiktok #learnontiktok #nothingtofearbook
McFadden adds that people who are dying are usually placed in hospice care when the symptoms begin to appear around the 6-month mark.
"You will have very generalized symptoms. Those symptoms will usually be, one, you will be less social. So you'll be more introverted than extroverted," McFadden said. "Two, you will be sleeping a lot more. And three, you will be eating and drinking a lot less. Literally, everyone on hospice, I see this happen to."
A Ray of light over a mountain. via PIxbay/Pexels
You are going to notice more debility,” McFadden continues. “They will be staying in their house most of the time. It's going to be difficult getting up and just going to the bathroom. Again, sleeping a lot more and eating and drinking a lot less.”
Something usually begins to happen in the final month of someone’s life. They start to believe they are in contact with others they have lost. It’s like they are there to make the dying person feel comfortable with their final transition.
"Usually around the one month mark is when people will start seeing 'the unseen', they have the visioning. They'll be seeing dead relatives, dead loved ones, dead pets, old friends who have died,” McFadden said. “Again, not everyone — but many, many people will start seeing these things at around one month."
An angel with a trumpet.via PixaBay/Pexels
Angela Morrow, a registered nurse at Verywell Health, agrees that people in the final stage of life often hear from those who have passed before them. Morrow says we should refrain from correcting the patients when they share their stories of talking to people and pets who have died. "You might feel frustrated because you can't know for sure whether they're hallucinating, having a spiritual experience, or just getting confused. The uncertainty can be unsettling, but it's part of the process," Morrow writes.
At the end of the video, McFadden says that the most important factors palliative care nurses look at to determine the stage of death are eating, drinking and sleeping. “Most people, a few weeks out from death, will be sleeping more than they are awake. And they will be barely eating and barely drinking,” McFadden said.
In the end, hospice nurses “allow the body to be the guide” as they help their patients transition from life to death.
McFadden’s work has brought a lot of peace to her followers as they go through trying times. "My mom is in hospice right now and she’s currently, I think, hours or days from death. YourTikToks have helped me out tremendously," Deb wrote. "My grandma passed away in February, and she experienced all of this. this page brings me peace knowing everything she went through was natural," Jaida added.
"Thanks, Julie. I volunteer in a hospice end-of-life facility, and this helps educate the families. Your posts are wonderful," Grandma Nita wrote.
One of the things that makes death so scary is the number of unknowns surrounding the process. That’s why it’s so important that McFadden shares her stories of helping people to the next side. She shows that death is a natural process and that hospice nurses are here to help make the transition as peaceful as possible.
No matter what changes, some people are truly meant to be together.
Some couples are just meant to be together. Sarah, 38, and Jenni Barret, 37, have gone through some major changes as a couple and after 15 years of marriage, have managed to find themselves happier than ever.
Jenni and Sarah both met through a friend at Arizona State University in 2004. But back then Sarah was called Sean. Jenni identified as a straight woman and Sean, a straight man.
"I knew he was The One as soon as he gave me a killer head massage that same night," Jenni told The Daily Mail. The couple tied the knot in December of 2005.
At the time, Jenni didn't know about her fiance's gender issues, but she thought it was a little unique that she took such an interest in their wedding plans.
"I didn't clock it at the time, but looking back at the wedding, Sarah was a bit of a bridezilla," Jenni says. "I was happy to elope and get married just us two, but she organized every part of the big day, from tableware to the venue - all I did was try on the dress and turn up."
The couple would go on to have two boys, Morgan in 2007 and Toby in 2009.
After the birth of their second child, Jenni began to notice that Sarah would buy clothing traditionally meant for women.
"She started buying a lot of clothes like that, which were on the edge of what is seen as male or female," Jenni says. "She would wear a nightie to bed and on date nights she'd be wearing countless layers of clothes with a bra underneath, so no one could see. I noticed something going on, but it wasn't hurting anybody so I left it."
However, the couple's suspicions that their eldest son, Morgan, may be gay brought the issue to the forefront in their relationship.
"We'd suspected Morgan was gay since he was about two," Jenni says. "He just can't hide it — not that we would ever want him to. He was born singing theme tunes and being over the top."
The discussions about Morgan's sexuality pushed Sarah to put a mirror up to herself and have a tough conversation with Jenni.
"Sarah rolled over one evening in bed in 2016 and told me, 'I really need to talk to you - I think I'm trans.' I'd come to realize why I'd always been so drawn to her, it was because of who she was on the inside — a woman — and not her shell," Jenni said.
"I turned around and said, 'That's ok, I think I'm gay.'"
What began as a heterosexual relationship had transformed into a loving lesbian marriage. The next job was explaining the situation to their children.
"We explained that Daddy had a girl's brain and that it was in the wrong body — but doctors would fix it," Jenni says. "Now, we're both Jewish, the boys call Sarah 'Eema' — Hebrew for Mother."
Sean changed her name to Sarah and began to take a combination of of testosterone blockers and estrogen every day. The couple set up an Instagram account to celebrate their unique family.
"We're so proud of our LGBT family, although we do always say that, after Morgan came out in 2018, Toby must feel left out," Jenni says.
"He jokes that he's going to have to come out as bisexual to fit in!"
This article originally appeared on 9.4.20
"It blew my mind in a way that I don't think I can properly express."
"Run the dishwasher twice" might sound like strange mental health advice, but a viral post is proving that it's actually quite helpful.
Danielle Wunker, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor, shared a story on her Facebook page that is resonating with people who struggle with mental health issues. It originally came from an answer from Katie Scott on Quora to the question "Has a therapist ever told you something completely unexpected?"
It reads:
"When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn't get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.
I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn't have much to 'bring' to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.
'What are you struggling with?' he asked.
I gestured around me and said 'I dunno man. Life.'
Not satisfied with my answer, he said 'No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?'
man sitting on chair covering his eyes
Photo by christopher lemercier on Unsplash
I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn't want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial.
Something more profound.
But I didn't.
So I told him, 'Honestly? The dishes. It's stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN'T do them because I'll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can't stand and scrub the dishes.'
I felt like an idiot even saying it.
What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I'm whining to my therapist about dishes?
But he nodded in understanding and then said:
'Run the dishwasher twice.'
File:Dishwasher with dishes.JPG - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
I began to tell him that you're not supposed to, but he stopped me.
'Why the hell aren't you supposed to? If you don't want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist.'
It blew my mind in a way that I don't think I can properly express.
That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.
I felt like I had conquered a dragon.
The next day, I took a shower lying down.
A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit.
There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.
Now that I'm in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.
But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:
There are no rules.
Run the dishwasher twice."
Anyone who has been in a mental or emotional place where even just the most basic, mundane tasks seem overwhelming understands the wisdom in this lesson. Dishes might seem like such a minor detail of life, but those kinds of minor details can be the straw that breaks the camel's back mentally. If you've never stared at a basket of laundry that would take three minutes to fold and thought, "Nope, can't do it. Not now. Maybe not ever..." then you may not need this lesson, but there are millions of people who appreciate the express permission to let go of the rules in our heads about how things have to be done.
Adjusting expectations and arbitrary ideas about how something works is incredibly freeing and can provide a seemingly temporary fix for a seemingly insurmountable problem. Oddly enough, though, that temporary fix can be the necessary bridge that gets someone from unable-to-cope-with-daily-life-things to functioning on a somewhat normal level.
Mental health is such a tricky thing to manage, and many of the tools for managing it run counter to what we might expect. That's what therapists are for—to help us step outside the box of our own brains, adjust our thoughts and behaviors to create greater possibilities for ourselves, and give us permission to reject the negative voices in our head try to keep us locked in unhelpful or unhealthy patterns.
Even when that unhelpful pattern is as simple as letting the dishes pile up instead of running the dishwasher twice.
This article originally appeared on 11.20.20