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Identity

A woman with a disability gets real about dating and sex. She's funny and honest.

Her candor is delightful, her message is important, and her jokes are great

a disabled woman poses in her wheelchair
Photo courtesy of Danielle Sheypuk.

Most people are missing out on a huge portion of the dating pool.


"So just recently I went out on a Match.com date, and it was fantastic," begins Dr. Danielle Sheypuk in her TEDx Talk.

If you've ever been on Match.com, that opening line might make you do a double take. How does one get so lucky?

Before you get too jealous, you should know things quickly went downhill two dates later, as most Match.com dates ultimately do. This time, however, the reason may not be something that you've ever experienced.

Intrigued? I was too. Here's the story.

a photo of Dr. Sheypuk smiling.

Gorgeous!

Photo from Dr. Sheypuk's Instagram account, used with permission.

She's a licensed clinical psychologist, an advocate, and a model — among other things. She's also been confined to a wheelchair since childhood. And that last fact is what did her recent date in.

Over a romantic Italian dinner on their third date, Sheypuk noticed that he was sitting farther away from her than usual. And then, out of nowhere, he began to ask the following questions:

"I've been thinking, how are you gonna be a mother? How are you gonna do the duties that's gonna be required of you? And even as wife — how ... I'm not sure how this is gonna work."

Used to this line of inquiry, she had the perfect quippy reply: "Well that's simple: I'm just gonna hire someone like every other New Yorker."

But despite her witty answer, he'd already made up his mind. She never heard from him again.

"I tried to convince myself that this was like any other relationship, but deep down I knew the reality. Who wants to date someone in a wheelchair?"

Dr. Sheypuk knows that that single question is evidence of a really serious problem—not just on the dating scene, but in society in general.

Society has factored out an entire group of potential romantic partners: people with disabilities.

a glamorous photo of Dr. Sheypuk in her wheelchair.

Talk about a million-dollar smile.

Photo courtesy of Danielle Sheypuk.

In her words:

"We are completely left out of the dating picture. Society, media included, seems to ignore the fact that we have the same emotional needs and desires as everyone else. Is this injustice born out of the concept of the poster child and his or her duty to induce pity to raise money?

Or maybe it's a conclusion drawn from mainstream porn where we have actors performing, like, gymnastic stunts with the stamina that none of us have of bucking broncos and jackrabbits.”

Um, yes. So much yes. She continues:

"The silent message: The more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: If you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex.

The silent message: The more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: If you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex.

"Now let's look at the continuum in our society where sexual is measured. On the one hand, we have humans that are the ultimate sex appeal object. So on that end, we have Victoria's Secret models, Playboy centerfolds, people like that.

On the complete opposite end, we have people with physical disabilities. And it seems like the more we deviate from this ultimate sex icon, the more desexualized we become, the more taboo the topic, and the more damaging the consequences.

Now, for most people there are quick fixes, right? We have Hair Club for Men, Botox, Spanx, butt implants. But for people with disabilities, there are no quick fixes. There is no magic pill."

And we are hit hard.”

It's important to note, too, that while someone may not be disabled now, it doesn't mean they will never experience or develop a disability. Due to injuries, illnesses, and chronic conditions, research shows that the chances of becoming disabled are startlingly on the rise.

Watch the rest of Dr. Sheypuk's talk to hear her important insights about what dating and relationships are like when a person has a disability—and how much of society is limiting itself.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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Joy

5 wholesome things to do this weekend: Stream this movie, make your own bucket list, and more

Easy and fun things you can do this weekend that will make your life (and the people around you!) happier

Blink, a new documentary from NatGeo, is now streaming on Disney+ and Hulu.

True

It’s December, and we’re all currently in the thick of it: Wrapping presents, baking cookies, and scouring the toy aisles for that must-have gift of the season. But in the middle of all the holiday chaos, it’s easy to lose sight on what the season is really about: making meaningful memories with our loved ones.

From volunteering to building a bucket list to watching maybe the most uplifting documentary we’ve ever seen, we’ve put together five simple and wholesome activities that will leave you and the entire family a little more connected and a whole lot happier. Ready to make memories that last? Let’s dive in.

Make a difference close to home

littlefreepantry.org

A 2023 analysis from the journal Frontiers in Psychology showed that people who regularly volunteered in their communities had greater self-esteem, more self-reported happiness, and a greater sense of personal fulfillment. (Um, yes, please.) If that sounds like something you want to experience as well, then you're in luck: There's no better time to lend a helping hand than during the holiday season. You could shovel a neighbor's driveway, buy presents for kids in need, or—who knows? You might want to be super ambitious, like setting up a food pantry or volunteering as an "interim parent" like this woman, who cares for babies and young children while their adoptions are being finalized. The sky is the limit.

Watch this feel-good, family flick

Get the tissues ready: This is maybe the most uplifting documentary you’re ever going to see. The film, “Blink,” follows a family with four children, three of whom have a rare genetic disease called retinitis pigmentosa (RP). With RP, the cells of the retina slowly die off, leaving a person with tunnel vision that shrinks until they are nearly—or totally—blind.

The parents, Edith Lemay and Sébastien Pelletier, decide to gift their children with incredible sights and experiences so that they can treasure them forever, even after their sight is gone. The film follows the Pelletier family as they make a bucket list and set out on a year-long journey across 24 countries to make some incredible memories.

For some seriously wholesome holiday goodness, stream "Blink," now on Disney+ and Hulu.

Make your very own bucket list

person writing bucket list on bookPhoto by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

To fulfill their dreams, the Pelletier family in the National Geographic documentary "Blink" created a bucket list with every kind of memory they wanted to fulfill, from seeing a sunrise on a mountain to "drink[ing] juice on a camel." (Because, sure. Why not?) Spend some time thinking of your own dreams you'd like to fufill. This is the perfect activity if you're looking for something creative and family-friendly—just gather the kids around for a brainstorming sesh and let the ideas fly. You might not actually complete all of these items (or any of them), but dreaming them up and spending time together is half the fun.

Spread some holiday cheer


Whatever your family’s ages and interests, there are a thousand different ways to spread holiday cheer this season, whether you’re singing Christmas carols door-to-door or just exchanging a warm holiday greeting. If you need inspiration, look no further than John Reichart, 74, who (just like the Pelletier kids) wants to create new memories for his family while he's still able to. Following his wife Joan’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Reichart set out to decorate every house in their neighborhood with lights and decorations purchased out of his own pocket. Simply inspirational.

Make someone's life a little easier. 

I need this goober in my life.
byu/kenistod inMadeMeSmile

The holiday season is all about giving and togetherness, but let’s be real, it’s no easy feat. Sometimes we can get stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. One surefire way to make this world a better place is to think of ways to make someone’s life just a little easier, like this mom who picks up her teenager’s bedroom every morning after he goes to school. You could even send a note of encouragement to someone who needs it, or bake some treats and leave them out for a hangry delivery driver.

It’s probably easier than you think to spread the love and leave the world a little happier than you found it.

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Family

Mom shocked by how daughter's artistic talents completely changed after 4 days of ADHD meds

"Has anyone had this happen to them or their kids?"

via ThisIsHarlie (used with permission)

A mother is shocked by her daughter's newfound artistic talents.

One of the big myths surrounding ADHD medication is that it turns kids into “zombies” who lose their personality, creativity and emotions. According to an article reviewed by clinical expert Roy Boorady, MD, ADHD medications should not change a child’s personality. “If a child taking a stimulant seems sedated or zombie-like, or tearful and irritable, it usually means that the dose is too high and the clinician needs to adjust the prescription to find the right dose,” the article says.

ADHD is caused by a lack of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which plays a significant role in attention and focus. When someone with ADHD takes a stimulant such as Ritalin or Adderall, their brain reaches the dopamine level of someone who doesn't have ADHD. Child Mind warns that if a child has a dramatic personality swing after taking ADHD medication, the dosage may be too high.

A recent video on TikTok by a mother and musician named Harlie, shows the dramatic effect that can happen when a child takes ADHD medication and can finally concentrate on their art. “I need to show you something that has been just been absolutely crazy,” Harlie said in a video with over 1.1 million views.

@thisisharlie

Has anyone had this happen to them or their kids? Like why did my daughter’s drawings change this much after adhd meds? #adhdtiktok #adhdmedication #adhdartist #neurodivergent #neurospicy

Harlie then flipped through a book of art that her daughter made before starting ADHD medication. She referred to it as "standard kid drawings" of shapes and a flower in sunlight. But then, after taking 10 mg of Vyvanse for four days, Harlie couldn't believe her new drawings that closely resembled classic Japanese anime characters. Harlie told Upworthy she had been a fan of Japanese art since she was 5 but had just now had the concentration to create it herself.

"A switch flipped in her brain," a shocked Harlie said. "You just don't go from like that to this. Is this normal?" she asked her followers. “This is the first time she’s ever been able to show a drawing and not have someone ask ‘What did you draw?’ she told Upworthy. “So she’s very excited that commenters were recognizing the characters.”

In a follow-up video, Harlie explained that she put a lot of thought into the decision to put her daughter on ADHD medications. A big reason for her trying the medication was to hopefully overcome the disorder. “After doing more research there are multiple studies out there that are showing that early intervention actually helps correct brain development,” she said. “So if we get her on these medications now, there is a percent chance that she can grow out of it.”

@thisisharlie

Replying to @hi_sma here’s a before & after of her handwriting, as well as symptoms and why we chose to medicate! ♥️ #adhdtiktok #adhdmedication #neurodivergent #neurospicy #adhdmom

She added that when people start ADHD medications as children, they have a lower chance of developing substance abuse and that the medications expand life expectancy.

Ultimately, the final decision was her daughter’s. “I am a very firm believer that this should be her decision. Her dad and I have sat with her and we've had conversations about how she can expect to see a lot of positive feedback," Harlie said. "We talked about how her friends might be complimenting her being able to sit still. We talked about how TikTok is complimenting her drawing abilities now and we also talked about how none of that should be a reason to stay on the medication. We are raising a happy kid and not a productive kid.”

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Science

Flat Earther visits Antarctica to see if the 24-hour sun is real and has an emotional reaction

Flat Earthers and "globe Earthers" came together for the truth-finding trip of a lifetime.

The Final Experiment/YouTube & Unsplash

Admitting you were wrong is not an easy thing to do for anyone.

Three years ago, a pastor from Colorado named Will Duffy found out that some people believed — still believed — that the Earth was flat. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Hadn't we settled this debate centuries ago?! Not only was the debate continuing to rage on, but it was incredibly divisive and was part of a doorway to discredit even more crucial science.

He decided to take it upon himself to end the questions, once and for all. How? By taking a trip to Antarctica.

Duffy devised a project called The Final Experiment, in which he invited prominent "flat Earthers" along with a crew of "globe Earthers" to explore the most remote climate on the planet — together.

In a flat Earth model, Antarctica is usually depicted as an ice wall that encircles the rest of the planet. Sometimes, it's shown as its own distinct continent. However, by visiting Antarctica in the summer, the team would be able to see Antarctica's famous 24-hour sun, or midnight sun, up close and personal.

Flat Earthers, crucially, do not typically believe that a 24-hour sun is possible. In their models, the sun would rise and set in Antarctica the same way it does everywhere else. The existence of midnight sun would, if not outright prove, at least heavily suggest, that Earth is a tilted sphere.

(Of course, there are already mountains of evidence and data that show the Earth is a sphere — and plenty of documentation of the existence of midnight sun. But never mind that for now.)

Duffy reached out to several big-name flat Earthers, and many declined to take the trip. But he was able to get a handful of brave explorers on board. The group flew deep into the interior of Antarctica, landing on an ice runway near Union Glacier Camp.

Will Duffy and his crew live-streamed the whole thing on YouTube via Starlink. The video begins at midnight, with the sun high in the sky — an absolutely stunning sight for many on the expedition. Duffy then allows each member of the team to share their thoughts on the journey and their observations.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Jeran Campanella, one of the most prominent flat Earthers on YouTube, spoke from the heart: "Sometimes, you are wrong in life."

"I thought there was no 24-hour sun, in fact I was pretty sure of it," he said bluntly after observing it with his own eyes. "It's a fact. The sun does circle you in the south. What does it mean? You guys are gonna have to figure that out yourselves."

He stopped short of definitively admitting that the Earth is a sphere, but he did confess that the Azimuthal equidistant map — the most popular flat earth model — no longer makes sense in his mind based on what he saw in Antarctica.

"I realize I'll be called a shill for saying that. And you know what, if you're a shill for being honest, so be it. I honestly believed there was no 24 hour sun, I honestly now believe there is. There it is," he said.

It seems silly, since most of us can acknowledge that a spherical Earth is settled science. But by making this admission on camera, Jeran risked losing his audience, his credibility in his community, and even his livelihood as a content creator with nearly 200,000 followers.

It took courage to finally admit that he was wrong.

"Respect for Jeran. He sounded shaken and he knows he's going to [receive] backlash," wrote a commenter on Youtube.

"I'm quite impressed by Jeran. He chokes up and was quite emotional, clearly this was a deep seated belief of his and he handled being proven wrong with grace. good for him," said another.

Why is it so hard for us to let go of deeply held beliefs? Beliefs aren't always logical decisions, but emotional ones.

A flat earth mapBy Strebe - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0

Our identities and our sense of self get so tied up into what we believe. Belief in a conspiracy theory might start as genuine curiosity or confusion but quickly spiral into much more.

People even make good friends and meet romantic partners inside of communities based on their beliefs, so to let go of that is deeply threatening to our psyches.

"Our ego, or sense of self, finds comfort in our various identities. Just as we have fight, flight, or freeze instincts to protect our physical well-being, we defend our psychological sense of self when our various identities are threatened. This is why if someone makes fun of our favorite football team, city, state, country, music artist, political party, hero, religion, ideas, and so on, we feel a surge of emotion to defend them," writes Mike Brooks for Psychology Today.

Even when we see the truth with our own eyes, it can be hard to accept.

"I think what matters most is putting our egos aside," Lisbeth, another flat Earther that accompanied The Final Experiment to Antarctica. "Are we here for truth, or are we here to hold onto narrative and ego?"

Some people just need to see things with their own eyes to believe. And putting your most deeply-held beliefs on the line and going into new situations with an open mind, knowing core pieces of your identity may not hold up to scrutiny, is admirable — no matter what the rest of us might think about the validity of those beliefs.

Mark Herman, who also went on the voyage, said, "Who would have thought? Two groups of people who are so opposed in belief and ideology to the point where there's ridicule, there's shame, all kinds of horrible things, but when they come together, there's so much camaraderie and teamwork between people. I'm very thankful to be a part of it."

Watch the full video and I think you'll be surprised by how much beauty there is in this project, not only in the breathtaking Antarctic landscape and the wonder of never-ending sunshine, but in the humanity and vulnerability on display from each of the participants.

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Pop Culture

Big Bird is soon to be homeless as the cancellation of 'Sesame Street' is likely imminent

"Sesame Street has been teaching kids and celebrating the power of community for over 50 years."

Photo credit: Wikimedia

Big Bird is homeless as HBO cancels beloved 'Sesame Street'

Everybody's favorite bird is about to be without a home, along with all of his friends. The characters of "Sesame Street" have been a part of people's childhoods for multiple generations now, with it's first episode airing in 1969. It was a way that "television could help prepare disadvantaged children for school," according to Sesame Workshop.

"Sesame Street" teaches everything from letter and number recognition, counting, emotional regulation and what it means to be in a community. The show tackles difficult topics on a level that young children can understand. There have been episodes about autism, homelessness, even breast feeding. "Sesame Street" has been a massive family classic for more than 50 years, with all the educational goodness available for free on local PBS channels.

But with the rise of streaming, it became difficult for the preschool staple to maintain being on PBS due to licensing fees once DVD and video sales tapered off. "Sesame Street" simply couldn't maintain staying on PBS without the revenue needed to produce the show, which is when HBO stepped in. But after completing their five-year deal, HBO, now known as Max, is shifting its focus to content for adults and families according to Variety.

Sesame Street Fainting GIF by MOODMANGiphy

The 55th season of the children's classic will be the last new season premiered on the streaming service, which is set to air in 2025, though Max will host episodes from the "Sesame Street" episodes library until 2027.

“It has been a wonderful, creative experience working with everyone at ‘Sesame Street’ on the iconic children’s series, and we are thrilled to be able to keep some of the library series on Max in the U.S,” said a spokesperson for Max in a statement. “As we’ve launched Max though and based on consumer usage and feedback, we’ve had to prioritize our focus on stories for adults and families, and so new episodes from ‘Sesame Street,’ at this time, are not as core to our strategy.”

Happy Its Friday GIF by Sesame StreetGiphy

And just like that, the beloved characters of "Sesame Street" are homeless, looking for a new place to rest their feet. Being aware of the change in children's viewing habits, the legendary preschool staple is hoping to give the show a little update in the 56th season. The organization is hopeful it will get picked up by a streaming giant or be able to make its way back to PBS somehow so generations of kids can continue to benefit from the programming.

The news of the show's cancellation even got the attention of former secretary of state and former first lady Hilary Clinton, who shared it with her audience. People are struggling with the idea of such a beneficial show like "Sesame Street" getting cancelled.

Sesame Street Oscar GIFGiphy

"Sesame Street was such a big part of my childhood, along with the other PBS shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Reading Rainbow. My kids are teens so I haven't actively watched in a long time, and had no idea that HBO bought it! I am in the field of early childhood education though, and I know how important equal access to high quality programs is for children. I just donated, and I hope Sesame Street and Big Bird find a deserving home and continue to spread love, kindness, and education for generations to come," one person shares.

"This is so sad and wrong. Sesame Street has been the source of learning for millions of children. That show taught letters, numbers, character traits like kindness, compassion, and it made learning fun. Bring it back to PBS, find a way to make it happen. The money is there, corporations just don't want to invest in children," another commenter adds.

Sesame Street Reaction GIF by Muppet WikiGiphy

To be clear, Max does not own "Sesame Street," they were licensed to produce new episodes of the beloved show, which still air on PBS several months after they air on Max. It allowed for the show to make new shows behind a paywall while still being able to provide free episodes to underserved youth. PBS is funded by donations from private foundations and citizens, as well as membership dues and Corporation for Public Broadcasting (CPB) in order to keep shows on the air. Mr. Rogers once famously spoke in front of Congress to advocate for funding for children's programming on public broadcasting.

While "Sesame Street" is currently without a permanent home, there seems to be something that can be done that is within the power of regular citizens—contact members of Congress to ensure they fight to keep funding the CPB and increase the funding provided and donate to PBS and Sesame Workshop, which is the nonprofit that funds "Sesame Street."

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Science

MIT’s trillion-frames-per-second camera can capture light as it travels

"There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."

photo from YouTube|Nova50

Photographing the path of light.

A new camera developed at MIT can photograph a trillion frames per second (fps).

Compare that with a traditional movie camera which takes a mere 24fps. This new advancement in photographic technology has given scientists the ability to photograph the movement of the fastest thing in the Universe: light.

The actual event occurred in a nano second—that is one billionth of a second—but the camera has the ability to slow it down to twenty seconds.

time, science, frames per second, bounced light

The amazing camera.

Photo from YouTube|Nova50

For some perspective, according to New York Times writer John Markoff, "If a bullet were tracked in the same fashion moving through the same fluid, the resulting movie would last three years."


In the video below, you'll see experimental footage of light photons traveling 600-million-miles-per-hour through water.

It's impossible to directly record light, so the camera takes millions of scans to recreate each image. The process has been called "femto-photography" and according to Andreas Velten, a researcher involved with the project, "There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."


This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Democracy

How this protest image became an instant icon

She was arrested shortly after the photo was taken.

A photo by Jonathan Bachman.

A woman confronts the police at a Black Lives Matter rally.

A stunning photo of a Black woman confronting police at a Black Lives Matter rally blazed across social media, with some calling it a touchstone image that will stand as a powerful symbol for many years to come.

The photo, captured by Jonathan Bachman of Reuters, comes from a Black Lives Matter rally in Baton Rouge, Louisiana on July 9, 2016 . Police in full riot armor are shown descending on the poised, well-dressed woman, apparently about to be cuffed.

Her name is Ieshia Evans, then a 35-year-old nurse from Brooklyn, NY who had not been to a protest rally before. She was arrested for blocking a public roadway shortly after the image was taken.

DeRay McKesson, one of the most prominent voices of the Black Lives Matter movement, was also arrested at the rally. McKesson was released after 16 hours in a cell; he told the New York Times that he felt Saturday's mass arrests were unlawful as the protesters were peacefully assembled on the side of the highway.

"What we saw in Baton Rouge was a police department that chose to provoke protesters to create, like, a context of conflict they could exploit," said McKesson. Over 100 other protesters were also arrested.

The protests were a direct response to the killing of 37-year-old Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge on July 5, 2016 after two officers shot him repeatedly outside a convenience store. Shortly after Sterling's death, a school cafeteria worker, Philando Castile was shot and killed by police in Falcon Heights, Minnesota while reaching for paperwork in his car. And at a protest rally in Dallas following Falcon Heights, five police officers were killed by snipers.

The violence over those few days has proved to be an intensely raw and revealing piece of American history. Bachman's photo will surely be one of the images that lasts.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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