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A woman who's tackling revenge porn, and 9 other women changing the world for the better.

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L'Oréal Paris Women of Worth

Despite facing numerous social and political obstacles throughout history, women have always been powerful agents of change.

Every era has its heroines — women who inspire, empower, and offer the world an extra dose of awesome. Some of these women are household names, while others fly under the radar, improving their communities and impacting people around them with little fanfare or fame.

Those unsung female heroes are who L’Oréal Paris had in mind when they created the philanthropic program, Women of Worth. Every year for the past 12 years, 10 women have been chosen from thousands of nominees to be honored for their selfless volunteer work as advocates and founders of charitable causes.

For 2018, the list of nominees is impressive. Of these 10 women, one will be chosen (by you, if you vote before the end of November) as a National Honoree and receive an additional $25,000 for her organization.

Get ready, because reading about these extraordinary women will make you want stand up and cheer.

In 2014, Shreya Mantha was tutoring sex-trafficking survivors to help them get their GEDs. Then she started her own foundation — at age 13.

Shreya Mantha. All photos via L’Oréal Paris.

Shreya is now 17 and her Foundation for Girls is a thriving, youth-led social venture hoping to change the life-trajectory of at-risk girls and youth in Charlotte, North Carolina. Through a network of “caring coaches” and programs in digital literacy, financial wellness, leadership, and health and wellbeing, teen moms, homeless girls, refugees and trafficking survivors receive the skills and structured support they need to realize their full potential and take charge of their futures.

As of June 2018, Foundation for Girls has reached 1,480 girls and youth, has almost 300 workshops and completed more than 14,000 hours of life-changing investment.

Adding to the “Wow, these kids!” factor, Alisha Zhao was 17 when she founded Kids First Project to help homeless kids achieve their dreams.

Alisha Zhao

When she was 14, Alisha volunteered at a homeless shelter, and it struck her how all of the kids there had big dreams and ambitions, but limited opportunities. A few years later, in 2015, Kids First Project was born. The initiative helps bridge the gap between homeless kids and the resources they need to reach their full potential.  

Today, the Kids First Project is in 10 locations with more than 400 volunteers in the Portland and San Francisco Bay areas — serving approximately 500 families who are experiencing homelessness each year. The now 20-year-old says her goal is to "work on the issue of youth homelessness and human rights for my entire life," and that this honor will help her "empower children experiencing homelessness to reach their full potential and help break the generational cycle of poverty."

Meanwhile, 25-year-old Hannah Dehradunwala is tackling food waste in New York with her platform Transfernation.

Hannah Dehradunwala (right).

Where Hannah grew up in Pakistan, no one let food go to waste. But when she returned to the United States to attend NYU, she was struck by the amount of food that got thrown out after catered events on campus. So she created Transfernation, a platform for companies and corporate hospitality groups to donate extra food to those in need of food assistance.

By coordinating ride-share drivers and bike messengers to pick up leftover catering and deliver it to community based organizations, the organization is helping empower businesses to reduce their environmental footprint and decrease food waste. So far, Transfernation has rescued 530,000 pounds of food and provided 510,000 meals to those without reliable access to food sources.

Veteran Genevieve Chase was severely injured in the line of duty. Now she’s channeling that experience into helping other female veterans.

Genevieve Chase

While deployed in Afghanistan as an Intelligence Soldier with the Army Reserve, a car filled with explosives plowed into Genevieve Chase’s truck, leaving her with external wounds and a traumatic brain injury. What's more, when she came home, like so many other soldiers, Genevieve suffered from PTSD and struggled with depression and suicidal ideation.

And as she dove into veteran advocacy, she felt the absence of awareness and support for female veterans. So she attempted to fill that void by starting the non-profit organization American Women Veterans, which honors and empowers military women, veterans and their families. The 40-year-old’s goal is to create “a community of empowered and inspiring women who will continue to ensure that all military women and veterans get the care and benefits we’ve earned so we can continue service to our communities both in and out of uniform.”

Holly Jacobs is helping victims of another form of trauma —nonconsensual porn — with her Cyber Civil Rights Initiative.

In 2011, Holly was blindsided when nude photographs she’d shared privately with a romantic partner showed up on the internet without her consent. Her identity was exposed, and she felt like running from the world. Instead, she decided to fight back — for herself and other victims of “revenge porn.”

Holly Jacobs

Today, the 35-year-old’s Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCRI) serves thousands of victims around the world. Advocating for technological, social, and legal innovation to fight online abuse and discrimination, CCRI has helped advise legislation in 30 states, Washington, D.C. and the federal government. And the CCRI Crisis Helpline serves hundreds of callers per month. “Nonconsensual pornography is intended to make women feel worthless,” Holly says. "I want to tell victims like myself that they don’t have to run or hide in shame. They are not alone, and together we have the power to speak up and fight online abuse.”

Chicago police officer Jennifer Maddox fights crime by providing after school programs for at-risk kids.

Jennifer was a single mother working two jobs when she founded Future Ties, an after-school program that provides a haven for young people in the Chicago's Woodlawn area. She had noticed that most crime and gang activity took place after school, so in 2009 she set out to give kids a productive, empowering "safe space" where kids go instead — using her own money to purchase supplies.

Jennifer Maddox

Today, Future Ties serves about 40 elementary students, with adult volunteers, parents, and young people from the community serving as role models and tutors. Since its founding, gang-related activities have declined and crime has decreased by 50 percent. Jennifer, now 47, wants to expand Future Ties' life-changing services to help the 1,200 young people living in her community.

Laura Reiss, 49, also started an after school program, encouraging kids to be kind and contribute to their world.

Laura's foundation started out as a free after-school kindness program at her children's elementary school in Boca Raton, Florida. That single club morphed into The Samaritans365 Foundation, Inc., a not-for-profit organization that teaches kids to be kind to themselves and others, and make a positive impact in their communities and the world.

Laura Reiss

The Samaritans365 Foundation, Inc. now has more than 400 ambassadors and 4,050 members in 90 chapters across nine states. All together, they have collected and distributed $1,347,000 in goods, raised $2.5 million in disaster relief, and invested 613,213 community service hours. Laura's strong formula for empowering people is helping her reach her goal of "leaving this world better for having been here."

Christy Silva took a parent's worst nightmare and turned it into a life-saving screening program.

In 2010, Christy's seven-year-old son Aidan collapsed without warning and died of Sudden Cardiac Arrest. They had no idea he had a heart condition, and despite investigations, the cause of the arrhythmia that led to the heart attack is still unknown. Then Christy learned 70 percent of conditions that cause SCA in kids can be detected by a simple, non-invasive EKG (electrocardiogram). She decided she had to help other families avoid the same fate.

Christy Silva

Thus was born Aidan's Heart Foundation, which provides awareness, education, support and coordinated screening efforts. Through screenings of 1,800 youth in Pennsylvania, the Foundation has detected previously undiagnosed and potentially life-threatening heart conditions in 25 young people. It's also helped pass legislation to equip schools with updated defibrillator (AED) devices and trained more than 4,500 sixth-grade students and 400+ adults in life-saving CPR-AED skills. Christy, 44, says "Aidan may be gone, but our work is keeping his legacy alive.”

Betty Mohlenbrock proves it's never too late to make a difference with her nonprofit reading program for incarcerated parents.

Betty is a retired classroom teacher who has always been committed to improving kids' lives. In 2010, at age 70, she came out of retirement to found Reading Legacies, a nonprofit dedicated to negating some of the devastating effects of incarceration on families by fostering relationships between incarcerated parents and their kids through the simple act of reading aloud together.

Betty Mohlenbrock

Last year, Reading Legacies facilitated 8,000 read-aloud experiences among family members participating in its programs. Based on research the org's conducted, 73 percent of children enjoy reading more and nearly 70 percent communicate more with their parents since starting the program. Every teen who has volunteered with Reading Legacies says it has strengthened their leadership skills, and 94 percent of incarcerated parents participating have felt a boost in morale and feel more connected to their children at home.

Betty, now 78, wants "to give people hope, especially if they haven’t had a reason to be hopeful for a long time.”

As a two-time cancer survivor, Carolyn Keller understands how important a wig can be for women undergoing chemo.

Carolyn was diagnosed with cancer in 2002 and again in 2005. When she lost her hair while undergoing chemotherapy, she started using wigs to cover her hairless head. Then, when her sisters-in-law were diagnosed with cancer, she passed her wigs onto them. Carolyn felt how empowering it was as a survivor to pass on wigs to another woman going through cancer treatment. As Carolyn, now 57, says, "Sometimes simple gestures can be the most healing."

Carolyn Keller

That's why she founded EBeauty Community, Inc. Through the organization's Wig Exchange Program, more than 25,000 women have received and donated wigs, and 10,000 wigs are distributed each year to women across the country through a network of hospital partners. EBeauty is considered the largest wig exchange program for women undergoing treatment for cancer in the country. And so far, Carolyn's goal "to help women embrace their identity and dignity when everything else in their life feels out of control” seems to be right on target.

Does one of these women's stories stand out to you? You can offer her your vote.

Throughout the first three weeks of November, anyone can cast a vote to choose this year's Women of Worth National Honoree. If you'd like to help one of these women receive an additional $25,000 for her cause, go to the L'oréal Paris website, and vote before November 30th, 2018.

Good luck choosing just one, though. They all deserve all the kudos.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Mom leaves a 'heartbreaking' gift to flight passengers sitting next to her baby

"That's a mom trying so hard."

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

@callmebelly♬ BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

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Women are sharing quirky things they do to make life more whimsical and it's pure delight

"I kiss my cat on both cheeks then she kisses me on both cheeks then I explain 'she's European' to no one."

Photo credit: Canva

We all could use a little whimsy in our lives.

One of the funniest things about being human is the unique quirks each one of us has that other people don't know about. In some sense, our individual oddities are things that unite us even though they are hidden from public view. It's a simple, universal truth that we're all a bit silly in our own way.

Case in point: A trend in which women share the quirky little things they do to make life more whimsical. The conversation has been circulating on social media since someone asked, "Girlies: What are some things you do to be more whimsical? I love knowing about cute little habits." And the responses, "like a magical, much-needed hug," are filling people with joy.

The question asked for women to weigh in, but there's no indication that men don't also have funny private habits as well, so we can all see ourselves in these responses.

Check out this list of people's quirky whimsical habits

"I wear matching pajamas every time I change my sheets so I can have what I call fancy sleep."

"I hold 'office hours' every Tuesday at a local coffee shop, which means I sit on the couch and order drinks for 4-5 hours while various friends and acquaintances visit me to yap abt books and gossip."

"I say, 'my lady,' every time I walk by a mirror."

"I teach the dog how to do things either to make them more interesting for me ('Let me show you how to start a load of laundry') or just to make him feel included ('Do you remember how to make coffee or should I walk you through it again? I know it's hard to remember since you can't practice without thumbs.')"

"I kiss my cat on both cheeks then she kisses me on both cheeks then I explain 'she's European' to no one."

"I tell my dishes it's bath time."

"I sleep in vintage nightgowns, it makes me feel like an 1800s princess✨"

"If I want to have negative thoughts about myself I have to think them in a cockney accent."


@abigail.bailey0

i’ve been home sick d: #whimsical #alternative #weird #tips #trinkets #habits #odd #corecore

"I say, 'May I take your coats?' when I'm peeling garlic."

"Every time I see the moon, I shout 'Hey gurrrl! Looking amazing, you are glowing!' and just compliment the hell out of her because she’s my bestie."

"I like drinking water at night ouf of small wooden bowls. It makes me feel like I'm being nursed back to health by spirits."

"I shout 'NO, not YOU! I don’t even know you!' in the voice of Lilly Moscocvitz when I’m looking for something and find something else unrelated."

"I hot glued a bow tie onto the Roomba and we call him Jeffrey."

"I tell my hamster not to answer the door for anyone before I leave."

"I call putting on pj's 'time to pump up the jams.'"

Giphy

"I always set my alarm clock to weird times like 8:52 am or 4:47pm because I don’t want less used numbers to be lonely or sad."

"Sometimes, a couple hours before bed, I go in my room and turn down the bed, spray a bit of lavender, maybe light a candle, put my water with lemon on my bedside table. Then when I get ready to go to bed a couple hours later I walk in and say 'I love turndown service!' as though it’s a pleasant surprise."

"Any time I make a mistake at work I giggle to myself, apologize, and say 'it’s my first day.' I’ve worked for the same company for 5 and a half years."

"I call my to do list my TA DA list and do jazz hands as I tick things off."

"For my own amusement I say 'officers!' and nod when I see pigeons."

"This one is kinda niche, but I’m a hairstylist. Whenever I wash my clients hair, as I give them a head massage with the conditioner I send loving thoughts into the universe over whatever is going on in their life."

"Whenever I buy something online and it asks 'is this a gift?' I write a little gift message to myself, usually along the lines of 'you are awesome and deserve these little treats.'"


Treat Yourself Donna Meagle GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy

There are soooo many more, and each one is more delightful than the last. Turns out a whole bunch of us are a whole lot goofier in our private lives than we let on, which is a wonderful discovery.

Can whimsy actually be useful?

But there's more to this trend than simply a love of whimsy. As one commenter pointed out, "There are literal therapeutic reframing techniques in here that are FANTASTIC." It's true. Making a boring or mundane task more fun or interesting can be helpful for people who are prone to procrastination. Changing the voice you use when negative thoughts creep in can help distance that voice from your inner self. Pampering yourself by making bedtime special can create positive associations with rest and sleep, making it easier for you to settle in at night.

Perhaps our penchant for fun and whimsy isn't as frivolous as it might first appear, so if you do things like this, give yourself a pat on the back for engaging in good self-care. And now you know for sure that you're definitely not alone.


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Health

Man unexpectedly dies during brain scan. What scientists saw should give everyone comfort.

They may have uncovered the secrets of our final moments.

via Canva

A doctor is analyzing brain scans.

Death remains one of the greatest mysteries of life. It’s impossible to know what happens as a person passes and whether there’s anything afterward because no one has ever been able to report what happens from beyond the grave. Of course, if you ask those with a keen interest in the supernatural, they may say otherwise.

However, in 2021, researcher Dr. Raul Vicente and his colleagues at the University of Tartu, Estonia, became the first people ever to record the brainwaves of someone in the process of dying, and what they’ve come to realize should be very comforting to everyone. “We measured 900 seconds of brain activity around the time of death and set a specific focus to investigate what happened in the 30 seconds before and after the heart stopped beating,” Dr. Ajmal Zemmar, a neurosurgeon at the University of Louisville, US, who organized the study, told Frontiers.


The patient who died while having his brain waves measured was 87 years old and had epilepsy. While researchers were studying his brain to learn more about the condition, they had a heart attack and passed away. “Just before and after the heart stopped working, we saw changes in a specific band of neural oscillations, so-called gamma oscillations, but also in others such as delta, theta, alpha, and beta oscillations,” Zemmar said.

The different types of brain oscillations that occurred in the patient before and after the heart attack were associated with high cognitive functions, including dreaming, concentrating, memory retrieval, and memory flashbacks. Therefore, it’s possible that as the patient was dying, they had their life flash before their eyes. What an amazing and comforting experience right before leaving this mortal coil.

“Through generating oscillations involved in memory retrieval, the brain may be playing a last recall of important life events just before we die, similar to the ones reported in near-death experiences,” Zemmar speculated. “These findings challenge our understanding of when exactly life ends and generate important subsequent questions, such as those related to the timing of organ donation.”


How long are people conscious after they are technically dead?

Science has found that people can remain conscious up to 20 seconds after they are declared dead. Even after the heart and breathing have stopped, the cerebral cortex can hang on for a while without oxygen. So, some people may experience the moment when they hear themselves declared dead, but they aren’t able to move or react to the news. In cases where someone performs CPR on the deceased person, the blood pumped by the compressions can temporarily keep the brain alive as well.

Although the experience of death will probably always remain a mystery, we should take solace in the idea that, in many cases, it may not necessarily be a miserable experience but an ecstatic final burst of consciousness that welcomes us into the great beyond. “Something we may learn from this research is: although our loved ones have their eyes closed and are ready to leave us to rest, their brains may be replaying some of the nicest moments they experienced in their lives,” Zemmar concludes.

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In 2006, the Oscars secretly pressured Heath Ledger to make fun of gay people. He wasn't having it.

Jake Gyllenhaal shared the story of his late Brokeback Mountain co-star's kindness.

hu.m.wikipedia.org
Fájl:Heath Ledger.jpg – Wikipédia

Heath Ledger stayed true to his convictions. He stood up for what he believed in, and it didn't matter if it was in a casual conversation with a friend, on a press junket, or at the Oscars. In a resurfaced video making the rounds, Heath was on the Brokeback Mountain press tour and was asked by an interviewer, "How do you respond to people who suggest this is disgusting?"

Heath seems initially taken aback by the question. He ponders for a moment and then says, "Well, I think it's immature, for one. I think it's an incredible shame that people go out of their way to voice their disgust or negative opinions about the way two people wish to love one another."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


He then expresses how some might be focusing on the wrong things. "At least voice your opinions on how two people share hate and violence and anger towards each other. Isn't that more important? I think so."

Brokeback Mountain is a 2005 film starring Ledger alongside Jake Gyllenhaal, about two sheep herders in Wyoming who find love with one another. It was adapted from a short story by Annie Proulx, originally published in The New Yorker in 1997.

mountain GIFGiphy

In discussing the movie itself (which won three Academy Awards in 2006, including Best Director for Ang Lee, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Original Score), Heath explained, "It's obviously about two men in love. It's gay-themed and easily labeled. The pure fact of it is, it transcends labels. It's the story of two human beings—two souls who are in love."

He truly wanted to make sure that audiences (including the press) understood the entire point of the film. "We're showing that love between two men is just as infectious and emotional and strong and pure as it is with heterosexual love."

While this clip has popped up many times over the years, an interview with Jake Gyllenhaal in 2020 definitively confirmed how important these themes were to Heath. In an interview with Another Man magazine, he discusses how the whole production came together. “There are things you’re chosen for—a quality, an essence—and Ang did that. And it’s still a mystery to me. And something that Heath and I shared: that it was a mystery to us at the time.”

Jake emphasized that Heath put his foot down when some writers of the Oscars telecast wanted to make light of Brokeback Mountain. "I mean, I remember they wanted to do an opening for the Academy Awards that year that was sort of joking about it. And Heath refused. I was sort of at the time, 'Oh, okay... Whatever.' I'm always like, 'It's all in good fun.' And Heath said, 'It's not a joke to me. I don't want to make any jokes about it.'"

According to WION News, Jake reminisced, "That's the thing I loved about Heath. He would never joke. Someone wanted to make a joke about the story or whatever, he was like, 'No. This is about love. Like, that's it, man.'"

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Health

Small talk going nowhere? Expert's 'threading' technique is the key to great conversations.

It doesn't take much to be great at small talk.

via Canva

A man and woman having a conversation.

Small talk can feel awkward, especially when talking to someone you don’t know very well and run out of things to say. That awkward silence may only last a few seconds but can feel like an eternity. Small talk can be uncomfortable, but it’s the gateway to starting relationships, creating professional opportunities, and building self-confidence. Becoming a master of small talk opens up possibilities, but how do you improve your skills?

One way to elevate your small talk game is by using a technique known as conversational threading. Adding a few more details to your questions and responses can open up different avenues to take the conversation and prevent it from stalling after a question or two. The key is to be an active listener with intentional questions.

How to get better at small talk

“The problem with most small talk is that it’s happening on autopilot, which means that people are asking questions they can already predict the answers to, such as: ‘How are you?’ ‘How’s the weather?’ “How was your weekend?’” Lorraine Lee, an award-winning virtual keynote speaker and CEO of RISE Learning Solutions, told CNBC Make It. The problem is that when you ask autopilot questions, you’re bound to get predictable answers, making it hard for the conversation to get off the ground.

Question: “How are you doing?”

Predictable answer: “Fine, how are you?”

Good answer: “Great, I’m planning a trip to Mexico, and I’ve really been enjoying ‘The White Lotus’ on Max."


The “good answer” here gives the person you’re talking to two threads to follow. They can ask you about Mexico or share how they once went to Cancun and had a great time. They can also reply to your thread about “The White Lotus” and discuss whether they have seen it.

Question: “Cold outside, isn’t it?”

Predictable answer: “Yeah, I’m freezing.”

Good answer: “It reminds me of the blizzard we had a few years back. What year was that?”

The “good answer” here also gives the person you’re talking to two threads. They can speculate on the date of the blizzard or share their experience with the snowstorm. The “predictable answer” stops the conversation in its tracks.

What are subject words?

Sean Cooper, known as the “shyness and social anxiety guy,” says we should look for “subject words” when talking with people because those will provide potential threads for a more meaningful conversation. For example: “I bought tires at the Goodyear station with my wife on Saturday” has four different keywords: tires, Goodyear, wife, and Saturday.” If you’re listening, it gives you four ways to turn the conversation into something more:

Tires — “Gee, I can’t remember the last time I changed my tires…”

Goodyear — “Is that the tire store off of Crenshaw Boulevard? Do they have good service?”

Wife — “How is your wife doing these days?”

Saturday — “Saturday was a lot of fun, I took my daughter to a horse stable."

Also, you can create better threads by asking more specific questions.

Autopilot question: “Do you come here often?”

Good question: “What’s your favorite drink at this bar?”

Autopilot question: “How are you doing?”

Good question: “What’s been the highlight of the week?”

Becoming good at small talk isn’t difficult as long as you can turn off autopilot and become more intentional with your questions and answers. Be sure to load up your responses with plenty of threads and keywords so that you’re partner can choose a direction for the conversation. As long as you keep threading the conversation, your relationship has room to grow and flourish.

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