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A trans contestant on 'Survivor,' 1 huge mistake, and 7 ways others helped make it right.

Life is messy and complicated, but there are important lessons to be learned.

"There is deception here," Jeff Varner said. Ordinarily, on "Survivor," this would be normal. What he said next, however, wasn't.

"Why haven't you told anyone that you're transgender?" he said, looking at contestant Zeke Smith. Uh-oh.

All GIFs from SurvivorOnCBS/YouTube.


Outing someone as transgender — even if it's for the chance to win $1 million on a reality TV show — is 100% not OK.

Luckily, this story has a (somewhat) happy ending.

Not all trans people are "out" as trans, or might only be open about it to close friends and family. Not every trans person goes around announcing they are trans — especially to millions of people on TV — nor should they feel obligated to.

That said, the idea that trans people who don't disclose being trans to everyone around them are being "deceptive" is an all-too-common trope, and it can have some really nasty consequences.

It was a shame to see Varner champion that idea, but if you look to how the other contestants reacted, it was a perfect demonstration of how to be a good ally to trans people.

All photos from CBS/"Survivor."

1. The other contestants jumped in to let Varner know what he did wasn't OK.

When Varner asked why Zeke didn't tell the other contestants he was trans, Zeke was caught off-guard and sat in stunned silence. Thankfully, his fellow contestants spoke up, letting Varner know what he did was wrong.

2. They helped educate Varner about why outing someone is wrong.

Outing people can have very real, negative consequences. Trans people are subjected to discrimination and violence based on their gender identity, and in many states it's still legal to fire someone, deny them housing, or ban them from using restrooms because of who they are.

Understandably, many trans people carefully select who they will and won't come out to. It's a decision that should never be left up to someone else, and the other contestants let Varner know.

3. They gave Zeke the chance to speak for himself when he was ready.

"There are people who know [that I'm trans]," said Zeke. "But then I sort of got to a point where I stopped telling people because when people know that about you, that's sort of who you are. There are questions people ask. People want to know about your life. ... It sort of overwhelms everything else that they know about you."

4. They took the opportunity to grow as individuals.

"I'm just thankful that I got to know Zeke for who Zeke is. I've been with him for the last 18 days, and he's super kick-ass," said Sarah. "I'm from the Midwest, and I come from a very conservative background. It's not very diverse when it comes to a lot of gay and lesbian and transgender and things like that. I'm not exposed to it as much as most of these people are. The fact that I can love this guy so much and it doesn't change anything for me makes me realize that I've grown huge as a person."

5. They offered Zeke solidarity, making a unanimous decision to boot Varner off the show.

They didn't even have to vote. Even Varner knew, saying, "I'm ready to go." He took responsibility for his actions. He knew he made a mistake almost immediately and what the consequences would be.

6. Varner offered a heartfelt apology without condition or qualifications, and he's doing the necessary work to atone for his wrongdoing.

People make mistakes, and while we rarely have the opportunity to undo them, we can try to learn from them and make the world a better place. That's what Varner seems to be doing.

In an interview with Parade, Varner owned up to what he did:

"I just pray and hope for his safety. What I did that night was horrible. I opened him up to discrimination and to danger and to crime. Everything horrible. I robbed him of his ability to be. ... There are no excuses for what I did. Not at all."

But beyond that, he used the opportunity to speak out about what's going on in his home state of North Carolina.

"We have to stop as a society discriminating against trans people and minimizing and separating from them. ... We need to lift their voices and help them and not reduce them to body parts and surgeries and things that objectify and dehumanize them. These are wonderful people who are not only trying to live their authentic lives, but thrive. And I think stupid bathroom bills and things like that, especially in the state of North Carolina ... it’s not about bathrooms. It’s about whether trans people have the right to exist in public."

7. As for Zeke, he's trying to make the best of a bad situation. Life's messy, and forgiveness can be a complicated act.

Writing at the Hollywood Reporter, Zeke outlined exactly why what Varner did was wrong.

"In calling me deceptive, Varner invoked one of the most odious stereotypes of transgender people, a stereotype that is often used as an excuse for violence and even murder. ... I don’t believe Varner hates trans people, just as I don’t believe conservative politicians who attack trans people actually care where we use the bathroom. For both, trans people make easy targets for those looking to invoke prejudice in order to win votes."

On whether he forgives Varner:

"But forgiveness does not require friendship. Forgiveness does not require forgetting or excusing his actions. Forgiveness requires hope. Hope that he understands the injury he caused and does not inflict it upon others. Hope that whatever torments his soul will plague him no more. I have hope for Jeff Varner. I just choose to hope from afar, thank you very much."

Out of one horrible act came messy progress.

True

Food banks are a community staple for millions of Americans. Not only do they provide nutritional assistance to low-income families, they’re also often one of the few places where people can get non-food essentials like diapers, toiletries, paper towels, clothing and more. For the 44 million people in the United States facing food insecurity, pantries can literally be a lifeline.

But that lifeline is at risk. Food pantries rely on donations, both from individuals and government programs, to stay stocked. Rising poverty levels and budget cuts mean that food pantries sometimes can’t meet the demands of their communities—and as a result, families go without.


No person should struggle for basic needs—which is why Land O’Lakes is teaming up with Clove in the name of comfort ahead of the 2025 holiday season.

Comfort, meet comfort.

A partnership between a farmer-owned cooperative and a modern footwear brand might seem like an unusual pairing. But the reality is that both organizations provide things that are enjoyable and much needed for American families.

You might be surprised to learn, for example, that dairy is one of the most requested but least-donated items at food banks around the nation. From a nutritional lens, dairy is a source of high-quality protein that provides 3 of 4 nutrients—calcium, potassium and vitamin D—that low-income households are at risk of missing from their diets.

But on a larger scale, dairy provides comfort. Items like butter, milk and cream are in high demand, particularly around the end of the year since so many families use these items for baking holiday treats. And while shoes can be stylish gifts, they’re also a basic necessity for hardworking frontline workers who provide care for others and spend hours on their feet. In fact, 96 million people in the U.S. spend their work shift standing.

"We are so excited to collaborate with Clove Shoes and take a moment to celebrate the color of the moment, but also our everyday favorite, butter yellow," said Heather Anfang, president of Land O'Lakes Dairy Foods. "As a company who shares our values of community, hard work and comfort, we are thrilled for the launch of their shoe but also for our shared donation to those in need in an important area for our two brands in Philadelphia."

Meaningful giving when people need it most

Together, the organizations have donated dozens of sneakers and more than 3,750 pounds of butter to Philabundance, one of the largest food banks in Philadelphia and part of Feeding America’s nationwide network of food banks, pantries, and meal programs. As they team up to donate needed supplies, they’re also helping families feel nourished—inside and out—ahead of the cold winter months.

"As a Philadelphia-based brand, we’re proud to give back to the community we call home—nourishing our city and supporting those who care every day," shares Jordyn Amoroso, Co-founder and CBO. Clove has also gifted 88 shoes to the students enrolled at Philabundance Community Kitchen: a free, life-changing workforce development program run by Philabundance.

At a time when so many are stretched thin and families are moving into the holiday season facing food insecurity, collaborations like these can provide an unexpected value—a chance to revitalize local communities, to nourish families, and show how comfort can take many different forms.

Learn more about this unexpected partnership here.

An angry man in front of the American flag.

America has never been a perfect place, but since the Civil War, it has been one where most people bought into the idea of the country and supported the institutions that keep it running. People may disagree on politics and culture, but when America was threatened, whether it was 9/11 or World War II, people came together to fight for the country they love, even though the reasons may have differed.

However, it’d be naive to say that sentiment is still as strong as it once was. Since The Great Recession, many people have felt that the vibes are off in America, and polls and research back those feelings. Right around 2012, when smartphones became ubiquitous, there was a considerable rise in the number of people who felt that America was on the wrong track and that racism and sexism were considerably worse than they were just a year before. There was also a big spike in mental illness.


So what happened in 2012? Did the world suddenly become drastically worse overnight, or had our perceptions been changed?

woman, dispair, smartphone, bad news, woman in kitchen, upset woman A woman is upset looking at her smartphone.via Canva/Photos

Why does it feel like America is on the decline?

Other developed countries have experienced similar vibe shifts since 2012, but it has hit America the hardest. Economics blogger Noah Smith explains why this feeling of malaise has hit America so hard, and he illustrates it perfectly in a viral Substack piece called “Social media destroyed one of America's key advantages.” Smith is an American blogger and commentator on economics and current events and former assistant professor of behavioral finance at Stony Brook University.

In his Substack post, Smith postulates that the technological change hit America the hardest because it punctured our geographical buffers. “A hippie in Oakland and a redneck in the suburbs of Houston both fundamentally felt that they were part of the same unified nation; that nation looked very different to people in each place,” Smith writes. “Californians thought America was California, and Texans thought America was Texas, and this generally allowed America to function.”

Why did America fundamentally change in 2012?

Here’s an excerpt from Smith’s piece. Please check out the entire piece on the Noahpinion Substack.

Like some kind of forcible hive mind out of science fiction, social media suddenly threw every American in one small room with every other American. Decades of hard work spent running away from each other and creating our ideologically fragmented patchwork of geographies went up in smoke overnight, as geography suddenly ceased to mediate the everyday discussion of politics and culture.

The sudden collapse of geographic sorting in political discussion threw all Americans in the same room with each other — and like the characters in Sartre’s No Exit, they discovered that “Hell is other people.” Conservatives suddenly discovered that a lot of Americans despise Christianity or resent White people over the legacy of discrimination. Liberals suddenly remembered that a lot of their countrymen frown on their lifestyles. Every progressive college kid got to see every piece of right-wing fake news that their grandparents were sharing on Facebook (whereas before, these would have been quietly confined to chain emails). Every conservative in a small town got to see Twitter activists denouncing White people. And so on.


protests, american protest, protest sign, demonstration, mass gathering A group of people protesting in the street.via Ted Eytan/Flickr

It may sound cynical to believe that America was a better place when people were less likely to talk to people with a different worldview. But, given how things have gone in the past 15 years, it’s fair to say that putting every American in a proverbial ring to fight it out just makes everyone feel under attack... and the fight never ends.

The problem with the Like button

Another development around the same time that many believe negatively affected the country was the development of the Like button on Facebook. The button made its debut in 2009, and it, along with the share button, which came in 2010, incentivized people to create content that their audience agreed with, creating echo chambers. The buttons also incentivized people to make outrage-provoking posts and create fake stories to go viral and increase advertising revenue.

maga, trump supporters, trump flags, trump rally, american flags Trump supporters at a rally.via Elvert Barnes/Flickr

The positive takeaway from Smith’s geographical sorting theory is that, quite possibly, many people’s perceptions about life in Amerca are wrong because we’re seeing it through the distorted, funhouse mirror of social media that shows us every bad deed in a country of 330 million people and amplifies the voices of the unscroupulous. By pinpointing the moment that America “went to hell,” as author Jonathan Haidt says, we also have a roadmap to get back to when people had greater faith in America’s institutions and people.

This article originally appeared in June.

Health

Surprising 16-year-long ADHD study proves researchers' hypothesis completely wrong

The findings from first-of-their-kind, long-term ADHD studies keep rolling in and surprising researchers along the way.

Unsplash

Scientists continue to be surprised by the findings of long-term ADHD studies.

Our understanding of ADHD has come a long way in just a few short years. Though it wasn't even formally recognized as a medical condition until the 1960s, by the time the 90s rolled around, diagnoses and stimulant prescriptions were extremely prevalent. (Raise your hand if you grew up in the era of "Anyone who struggles in school gets Ritalin!") Today, diagnoses and treatment are a lot more thoughtful and individualized, and there are more options for treatment and therapy including but not limited to stimulants like the well-known Ritalin. Even with all these advancements, though, we still have more to learn.

A new long-term study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry has proven to be an excellent next step in getting a better understanding of the disorder, showing that a lot of what's commonly believed or assumed about ADHD is incomplete or just flat-out wrong.


Researchers studied 483 participants who were diagnosed with ADHD in childhood and continued to assess them for a period of 16 years. The study's authors wanted to get a sense of how ADHD symptoms might change over time.

What the researchers found surprised them. In most participants, symptoms of ADHD fluctuated greatly over the years rather than staying consistent. What surprised them even more were the environmental factors that seemed to play a role in those fluctuations.

adhd, children, kids, mental health, neurodivergent, brains, psychology, medicine, research, medical studies ADHD brains work in mysterious ways, but we're starting to get a clearer picture. Photo by BUDDHI Kumar SHRESTHA on Unsplash

Researchers expected that greater life demands—like more responsibility at work, a heavier workload at school, major life changes, etc.—would exacerbate ADHD symptoms. What they found was the opposite.

It makes sense that a person that struggles with inattention or hyperactivity might have more trouble focusing when they have more "going on" and more distractions to pull them in different directions. It was a huge surprise to the researchers that, actually, people's ADHD symptoms seemed to ease up when life got hectic.

“We expected the relationship between environmental demands and ADHD symptoms to be the opposite of what we found,” study author, professor, and clinical psychologist Margaret H. Sibley explained. “We hypothesized that when life demands and responsibilities increased, this might exacerbate people’s ADHD, making it more severe. In fact, it was the opposite. The higher the demands and responsibilities one was experiencing, the milder their ADHD.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

I have a 4-year-old with ADHD and the findings totally track for me based on what I've witnessed in our own life.

We find it's actually easier to be in perpetual motion sometimes—out running errands, doing activities, visiting friends and family—versus staying put too long. When we're just relaxing at home, that's when she tends to start bouncing off the walls! Her ADHD tendencies come out strong in these quiet periods, including what we sometimes playfully refer to as her "hoarding" dozens of coloring sheets or surrounding herself in giant piles of toys, blankets, and stuffed animals; thereby making a huge mess in the house.

Doing nothing or doing very little is not often a restful state for people with ADHD. Typically, people with ADHD experience more background noise than neurotypical brains—so a quiet, seemingly restful environment can sometimes amplify racing thoughts, negative self-talk, and impulsive behavior versus dampening it. You know how kids sometimes act out in school not because they're not smart, but because the material is actually too easy for them and they're bored? Something similar is at play in both of these scenarios.

Of course, as always in science, you have to be careful assuming causation from the findings.

adhd, children, kids, mental health, neurodivergent, brains, psychology, medicine, research, medical studies The results show that staying busy may actually help relieve some ADHD symptoms. Annie Spratt/Unsplash

It's important to note that the results of the study don't definitively prove that being busy causes a decrease in ADHD symptoms.

“This might mean that people with ADHD perform their best in more demanding environments (perhaps environments that have stronger immediate consequences, like needing to put food on the table for a family or pay rent monthly). It also might mean that people with ADHD take more on their plate when their symptoms are relatively at bay," Sibley says. Either way, the correlation is certainly strong and worthy of more study.

In the meantime, the study's authors think the results could be viewed in a hopeful light for people just learning to manage their ADHD. “If you’re a doctor talking with a patient who is first getting diagnosed with ADHD, it’s a huge help for that person to hear the message that, ‘You’re going to have good years and not-so-good years, but things can go really well for you if you can get the right factors in place,'” Sibley said. As a parent, I can imagine how reassuring that would have been to hear early on in our own process.

adhd, children, kids, mental health, neurodivergent, brains, psychology, medicine, research, medical studies We still have so much to learn. Photo by Europeana on Unsplash

With ADHD diagnoses on the rise, more and more research is being conducted. For example, a recent long-term study out of Sweden was just published linking use of ADHD medication with a reduction in traffic crashes, general injuries, and criminal behavior. That's a strong argument for continuing to hone in on accurate diagnoses and treatment for people who need it, as it clearly benefits society as a whole when done properly!

We're learning more and more about what the factors that affect positive ADHD outcomes are—what might exacerbate symptoms and what types of things can help—and we're starting to get a clearer picture of how people can manage this challenging disorder.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

How can anyone get by on this?

I've written extensively about minimum wage, supported by fact-checkers, economists, and scholarly studies. All of them support raising the minimum wage as a solution to lifting people out of poverty and getting them off public assistance. It's slowly happening, and there's much more to be done.

But when it comes right down to it, where the rubber meets the road is what it means for everyday workers who have to live with those wages. I honestly don't know how they do it. Ask yourself: Could I live on this small of an hourly wage? I know what my answer is.


(And note that the minimum wage in many parts of the county is STILL $7.25, so it could be even less than this).

paychecks, McDonalds, corporate power, broken systemOne year of work at McDonalds grossed this worker $13,811.18.via JustFrugalMe/YouTube

The YouTube channel Just Frugal Me discussed the viral paycheck and noted there's absolutely nothing wrong with working at McDonald's. More than 2 million people in the U.S. alone work for the fast food giant. The worker's paycheck shows they put in 72 hours over the pay period, making $8.75 per hour. Before taxes, that's $631 for the week. Just Frugal Me's breakdown is even more eye-opening, breaking down this person's pay after taxes and weighing across average rent and utility costs. Spoiler Alert: the total costs for basic necessities far outweigh what this person is making even while working 12 hours per day. But they do make too much to qualify for Medicaid, meaning they will have to go out and buy their own health insurance.

mcdonald's, minimum wage, restaurants, fast food, burgers, big macA photo of a McDonald's in Hartford, CT. via Mike Mozart/Flickr

Even in states like California, where the state's $20 minimum wage ensures that people earn nearly three times as much as the federal minimum wage, which remains as low as when this paycheck first made the rounds nearly 10 years ago.

Still, even for a worker that maxed out at 40 hours per week and took zero vacation or sick time, that's only a little over $41,000 per year. That's barely half the median wage in the state of $78,000 and far below a sustainable living wage in cities like Los Angeles.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The U.S. federal minimum wage is just $7.25 and hasn't been raised since 2009. In April 2025, the Raise the Wage Act of 2025 was introduced in the House of Representatives and U.S. Senate. The bill would increase the federal minimum wage to $17 an hour by 2030 and eliminate the subminimum wage for tipped workers and those with disabilities. But supporters should be cautious that it's unlikely to pass the Republican-controlled Congress.

If the Wage Act of 2025 were to pass, over $22 million workers would get a raise, which is 15% of the U.S. workforce. It would raise $70 billion for low-wage Americans, an increase of $3,200 per worker.

“No person working full-time in America should be living in poverty," Virginia Congressman Bobby Scott said in a statement. "The Raise the Wage Act will increase the pay and standard of living for nearly 22 million workers across this country. Raising the minimum wage is good for workers, good for business, and good for the economy. When we put money in the pockets of American workers, they will spend that money in their communities,”

This story originally appeared ten years ago. It has been updated to reflect new information.

Tifanie Mayberry and David Frazier discuss their chance encounter.

Usually, when you read a story about people being confronted in a grocery store parking lot, it's bad news. But not this time. Back in November of 2023, Portland, Oregon-based photographer David Frazier had an uplifting experience in the parking lot of a New Seasons market after being approached by a female admirer.

He later told the story on TikTok in a video that received over 3.4 million views. While making a quick run to the store, Frazier parked next to a woman driving a Tesla. He noticed she was eating, hanging around, and “vibing,” so he flashed her a smile and went into the store, where he picked up a bite to eat.


Upon returning to his car, the woman was still there. She rolled down her window and asked Frazier, “Hey, are you single?” Frazier was taken aback by the question and replied: “Sadly, yes, I am. Um, also very gay, though.”

@wowrealneat

Dear New Seasons Parking Lot Girl, you’re so cool and ily ❤️ #fyp #portland #parkinglot #xoxo

He told the woman he was flattered and that asking never hurts. "You're just so handsome," she replied. Frazier returned the compliment, calling her "pretty," and the two shared a laugh and went their separate ways.

But the interaction stuck with Frazier. He thought it took real "guts" to tell a stranger you think they're attractive. He also felt that it was "kind" and "flattering" for her to compliment him. "She seemed like such a genuine and kind and earnest" and "cool" person, he said in the video.

He hoped the TikTok video he made would eventually reach her somehow. “You have uplifted me in a way that I didn’t know I needed, and it made me feel amazing, and I just wanted to say thank you and I hope you have such an incredible weekend,” Frazier told the woman through his post. He also invited her to get a “friend coffee.”'

Five weeks after Frazier posted the video, it successfully reached its intended audience of one. Tifanie Mayberry, the woman driving the Tesla, saw it. She shared a reaction video in which she watched Frazier’s original post. The video received over 11 million views.

@tifaniemayberry

#duet with @David #fyp WOW!! Never expected for this to come back around like this. OMG. The internet is internetting and I LOVE it!!

Mayberry followed up the reaction video with another, explaining that her behavior in the parking lot that day was a perfect example of where she is in life. She’s 35, single, and ready to settle down and have kids. If that means she has to be a little forward in approaching men, so be it.

"So what you're witnessing is me just being like no BS and being 'like okay if I see me a good one, I just like to lasso them, and reel 'em in’ and be like 'Hey, I'm interested,' and that's just kind of where I am in life. And apparently, this one got back to me in a very unexpected way,” she said.

Mayberry added that she has yet to speak with Frazier but is looking forward to meeting him. She hopes that one day he’ll even make it to her wedding. "Do I want to be wing friends? Absolutely. Do I want him to be at my wedding when I finally get married? Absolutely," she said. "I just have such a deep appreciation for the love that has transpired from this sweet little moment. Never had I expected it to come into this form."


@tifaniemayberry

Well its been a very funny ending to 2023, and I have to say it ended things on such a great note for me 🥹❤️✨ Thanks TikTok!! @David - Coffee in the New Year?!


This article originally appeared last year.

A pitbull stares at the window, looking for the mailman.

Dogs are naturally driven by a sense of purpose and a need for belonging, which are all part of their instinctual pack behavior. When a dog has a job to do, it taps into its needs for structure, purpose, and the feeling of contributing to its pack, which in a domestic setting translates to its human family.

But let’s be honest: In a traditional domestic setting, dogs have fewer chores they can do as they would on a farm or as part of a rescue unit. A doggy mom in Vancouver Island, Canada had fun with her dog’s purposeful uselessness by sharing the 5 “chores” her pitbull-Lab mix does around the house.


The mom says Rhubarb has chores because “we didn’t raise a freeloader.”

Here are 5 “chores” that Rhubarb has mastered.

@rhubarbthedoggo

No freeloaders on my watch 🙅🏻‍♀️ #pittiesoftiktok #dogtiktokers #dogsoftiktok #pitbulllove #pibblelove #pibbles #pibblemixesoftiktok #pitbullmix #dogfluencers #doggotiktoker #dogmomsoftiktok #dogmomlife #dogmoms #dogtiktokviral #dogmomma #prettypitty #prettypittie #prettypitties #dogrelatable #relatabledogmom #relatabledog


1. Makes sure the laundry doesn't get cold

Translation: Sits on top of the clean laundry, ready to be folded.

2. Unlicensed therapist

Translation: Gives us kisses when we're tired or feeling down.

3. Supervise repairs

Translation: She gets in the way when you're in a compromised, uncomfortable position with a wrench in your hand.

4. Alerts us when there's an intruder

Translation: Stands at the window and barks furiously at the mailman.

5. Keeps mum's spot warm

Translation: Lays in her spot on her favorite chair in the living room.

The video inspired some funny responses in the comments.

“He’s carrying that household on his back. Give him a raise."

“Obviously the most valuable member of the household."

"Rhubarb needs a little vacation from working so flipping hard!"

"Hardest worker there ever was."

"He's carrying that household on his back."

Here's to Rhubarb, for earning his keep, and being adorable while doing it. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

This article originally appeared last year.