+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
More

A stranger’s advice to a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him a week before their engagement is going viral.

A stranger’s advice to a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him a week before their engagement is going viral.

We’ve all experienced heartbreak on some level. But imagine you’re just days from your engagement. Everything is going great in your relationship. You’ve been with your partner for nearly three years and both have agreed it’s time to take your status to the next level.

So, you plan a romantic trip to Spain where you’ll pop the big question. Instead, everything goes horribly wrong. On Reddit, one man shared his personal pain, explaining how his girlfriend came forward to admit that the week before their big trip she went to a wedding, had a little too much to drink and ended up kissing her ex-boyfriend. It only gets worse from there:

My girlfriend (24f) of the past 3.5 years told me that when she went to her sister’s wedding without me over the weekend that she kissed her ex. We had a trip planned for this upcoming week to go to Spain and I was going to ask her to marry me - she was well aware this was going to happen. She always told me there was nothing she wanted more. She tells me she was drunk and it “just happened”. I’m so hurt right now. She’s said how sorry she is many times, and I believe her, but I feel so betrayed. We’ve had a great relationship up to this point, I’ve loved every minute of it. To add to it she tells me before that how she confided in him that she was scared of spending the rest of her life with someone and how she was unsure about our relationship. This hurts me to my core to think that someone I wanted to spend forever with could do this to me. Out of all the women I’ve ever dated she was the one I was least worried about this happening with. She tells me that it was the biggest mistake she’s ever made and how she regrets it, I just don’t know if I can move on. We live together, have a dog, have built a life together which makes a breakup even more difficult. I just don’t know what to do. I still love her to pieces but idk if I can get past this. Do I still go on the trip with her? Do I try and make this work? I’m certainly holding off on the proposal for now.

Edit: singing out for a bit guys. Need to take some time and think things through and let my emotions stabilize. Get in the right mindset. We talked when I got home and drove home some additional points you guys pointed out. Thank you all for your comments, it’s nice to see another point of view.

Needless to say, the post drew all kinds of advice. Some suggested a brutal approach - leave the girlfriend and the shared life they’ve built together and move on. Meanwhile, others suggesting letting the transgression so. After all, she was big enough to admit her mistake, apologize and ask for forgiveness.

However, it was one comment that topped them all, with its emphasis on self-care, patience and self-reflection in the face of personal pain:

As you say, definitely don't propose. It's up to you whether you go on the trip with her or not, but I'd hear what she's telling you - both with her words and her behavior: that the commitment she is getting ready to make is scary to her. It sounds like she's responding to that with self-sabotage: she's engaging in behaviors that undermine her relationship because she's afraid of this next step.

It did not "just happen." She is scared of the next step.

We live together, have a dog, have built a life together which makes a breakup even more difficult.

Here's what you need to do: sit with this feeling for a bit. Ask yourself why you aren't breaking up with her.

Is it because of the amazing relationship you've had to date and it sucks to throw that away?

OR

Do you know you'll never really be able to trust her again, and this is really because it's logistically complicated? One of you has to move out, you have to decide who gets the dog, what do you say to your parents, etc.

The latter is a really shitty reason to stay in a relationship.

The former is something you could potentially work with and build upon.

Here's the thing: you actually don't need to know the answer to that right now. In fact, it would be fucking astonishingif you knew the answer right now. You've got to be absolutely reeling.

Tell her you need some time to decide whether you can trust her again and make this work, and instead of going together to Spain, you're going to [go there solo, hike a mountain, go hang out with one of your buddies, spend some time alone, etc.]

Then, do that. Give yourself permission to take some time and space to make this decision. Put yourself in an environment where you can reflect on it and really weigh it. Maybe spend some time (on the phone or in person) with friends or family or people you really trust to give you good advice. Reconnect with friends that are YOUR friends, not your couple friends. Some distance from the relationship will remind you both of what was good about it and might be worth salvaging...and also that if you choose not to, you'll build a life on your own just fine. You had one three and a half years ago, you could have one again.

Don't "take a break from the relationship" [and make that clear to her - this isn't a "break." No additional trips down to Texas guilt-free...] but do take a beat for yourself, to take stock. If that bothers her, well - screw her, this is what you NEED to process a mistake she made. If she tries to say that both of you should go to Spain or that if you aren't going to go, she's still going to go, screw her. This is a moment where she needs to let you set the agenda and the priorities. If she won't move on that, well, that makes your decision a hell of a lot easier, doesn't it? She made a big fucking mistake and it's not unfair of you to want time to process and adjust.

If she's not willing to give you space to do that, this was never going to work.

Good luck, my man. You're gonna be strong AF once you work through this.

Pushing through disappointment is what life is all about in some ways.

When we sit back and reflect on things with our friends and family, we almost never talk about that time we sat on the couch, watched some TV and cracked open a beer. Why? Because while those moments are necessary in the hustle and bustle of modern life, they are not the things profound memories and learned experiences are made from.

Our meaningful experiences most often come from pain. And they can lead to greater happiness and acceptance of our lives if we’re willing to learn from them.

As the commenter said: “You’re gonna be strong AF once you work through this.

And that’s what growing as a human being is all about. No matter what happens with this couple’s relationship, it’s likely the time he spends reflecting, growing and learning more about himself that will define his life for years to come. Powerful advice for anyone. And you don’t have to go through a painful breakup to learn it.

From Your Site Articles
Badge
Cycle for Survival
Cycle for Survival
Sponsored

How can riding a bike help beat cancer? Just ask Reid Moritz, 10-year-old survivor and leader of his own “wolfpack”

Every year, Reid and his pack participate in Cycle for Survival to help raise money for the rare cancer research that’s helped him and so many others. You can too.

all photos courtesy of Reid Moritz

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research

True

There are many things that ten-year-old Reid Wolf Moritz loves. His family, making watches (yes, really), basketball, cars (especially Ferraris), collecting super, ultra-rare Pokémon cards…and putting the pedal to the medal at Cycle for Survival.

Cycle for Survival is the official rare cancer fundraising program of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK). One hundred percent of every dollar raised at Cycle for Survival events supports rare cancer research and lifesaving clinical trials at MSK.

At only two years old, Reid was diagnosed with pilocytic astrocytoma, a rare type of brain tumor.

Pediatric cancer research is severely underfunded. When standard treatments don't work, families rely on breakthrough clinical trials to give their children a real shot at long-term survival.

When Reid’s chemotherapy and brain surgery didn’t work, he was able to participate in one of MSK’s clinical trials, where he’s received some incredible results. “Memorial Sloan Kettering has done so much for me. It's just so nice how they did all this for me. They're just the best hospital ever,” Reid recalls.

And that’s why every year, you’ll find Reid with his team, aptly named Reid's Wolfpack, riding at Cycle for Survival. It’s just Reid’s way of paying it forward so that even more kids can have similar opportunities.

“I love sharing my story to inspire other kids to PERSEVERE, STAY STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP while also raising money for my amazing doctors and researchers to help other kids like me.”

Reid remembers the joy felt bouncing on his father’s shoulder and hearing the crowd cheer during his first Cycle for Survival ride. As he can attest, each fundraising event feels more like a party, with plenty of dancing, singing and celebrating.

Hoping to spread more of that positivity, Reid and his family started the Cycle for Survival team, Reid’s Wolfpack, which has raised close to $750,000 over the past eight years. All that money goes directly to Reid’s Neuro-Oncology team at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

In addition to cheering on participants and raising good vibes at Cycle for Survival events, Reid even designs some pretty epic looking merch—like basketball shorts, jerseys, and hoodies—to help raise money.

If you’re looking to help kids just like Reid, and have a ton of fun doing it, you’re in luck. Cycle for Survival events are held at Equinox locations nationwide, and welcome experienced riders and complete newbies alike. You can even join Reid and his Wolfpack in select cities!

And if cycling in any form isn’t your thing, a little donation really does go a long way.

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research. Find out more information by checking out cycleforsurvival.org or filling out this interest form.

From Your Site Articles
best of humanity
Popular

Millennial dad of 3 shuts down boomer parents for their 'ridiculous' holiday expectations

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

via Canva/Photos

A Millennial dad has had it with his boomer dad's expectations.

A TikTok video posted by @carrerasfam is going viral, with over 300,000 views, because so many millennial parents can relate. In the video, a husband politely but firmly tells his “practically retired” baby boomer dad that he’s not taking his 3 young kids on a 400-mile drive to their house for the holidays.

Carerras Fam is a popular TikTok page about “all things postpartum and mamahood.” The husband opens the conversation with his dad by explaining all the inconveniences of taking 3 young kids on a long road trip. “I know you want us to drive down for the holidays, but it's kinda ridiculous that you want me to pack my 3 kids with their portable beds with my clothes, their clothes, the formula, everything that goes on with raising 3 kids and having them feel comfortable. Drive down for over four hours just so that we could spend some time in your house?” the husband says.

@carrerasfam

Sorry it’s just so much work. But you’re welcome to visit us #millennial #millennials #parents #parenting #parentsontiktok #boomers #millennials

It’s obviously inconvenient for the couple to pack up their kids and drive 4 hours, but it’s also unsafe because the house is not baby-proof. "I'm gonna have to run around, make sure that they don't break any of your stuff, and which you will take care of them,” the husband continues using sarcastic air quotes.

The dad brings up another great point: His parents are in good health, so why don’t they drive to their house? “You could visit. You don't have little kids,” the dad continues. “You don't have anything going on.

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

It’s clear from the phone call the dad understands that traveling with the kids and staying in a house that isn’t correctly set up for young kids will make the holiday a struggle. Instead of making memories, they’ll most likely be running around bent over trying to save their kids from breaking something or hanging out at Target buying electrical socket plugs and a bottle brush because they left theirs at home.



The video struck a chord with many millennial parents.

“First holiday with a kid… parents are confused why I won’t drive 9 hours with a 3mnth old for Christmas,” too_many_catz writes. “The ‘not baby proofed’ part hit my soullllllll. It’s so stressful having to chase your kids around and ask to close doors, move pictures, block stairs, etc. And nobody takes you seriously!" OhHeyItsIndy added.

It’s also expensive for young families to travel. “Add to it they want us to spend money on gas, airfare, etc. when we live paycheck to paycheck and rent while they own homes and live comfortably off a pension,” another user wrote.

This one hit hard: “They always act like you're asking the world of them, yet they will willingly go on any other vacation that they choose,” Mackenzie Byrne wrote.

TX Travel Chick may have hit the nail on the head with her explanation for why boomer parents expect their children to road trip it to their house for the holidays. “Because we are used to following their orders!!! REVOLT,” she wrote.

Ultimately, it would be interesting to learn why boomer parents want to inconvenience their kids when it would be much easier for them to take a trip to see them, especially if they can afford a hotel. One wonders if they are being entitled or if they’ve forgotten how hard it is to travel with young kids.

Modern Families

Seth Rogen was asked a question about being childless that men never get. His answer was honest.

It's not for everybody.

Stephen McCarthy/Collision via Sportsfile/Wikimedia Commons

Seth Rogen on stage during the opening night of Collision 2019 at Enercare Center in Toronto, Canada.

Childless women in the public eye are often plagued by the question: “So, why don’t you have any children?” It’s a deeply personal question that cuts right to the bone, and there can be many answers. But, if the woman doesn’t want children and says so publicly, she is bound to face some judgment.

"[I don't] like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women—that you've failed yourself as a female because you haven't procreated. I don't think it's fair," Jennifer Aniston told Allure. "You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn't mean you aren't mothering—dogs, friends, friends' children."

On the Monday, March 6 episode of “The Diary Of A CEO” podcast, host Steven Bartlett asked actor Seth Rogen about why he’s childless, and it was a rare moment where a man in the public eye was challenged on the topic. Rogen gave a thoughtful explanation for his and Lauren Miller’s decision to be child-free.


Rogen and Miller were married in 2011.

“There's a whole huge thing I'm not doing, which is raising children,” Rogen told Bartlett. The host attempted to play devil’s advocate and asked Rogen if he considered whether having children might have made him and his wife “happier.”

“I don't think it would,” Rogen responded.

Then, as if anticipating the question, the “Pineapple Express” star upended one of the arguments that people who have children often make: that people who don’t have children have no idea what it’s like.

“I've been around obviously a lot of children; I'm not ignorant to what it’s like…Everyone I know has kids. I'm 40, you know? I know,” Rogen said. “Some of my friends have had kids for decades. Some people want kids, some people don't want kids.”

He added that many people seem to have kids without considering the issue.

“I mean, a lot of people have kids before they even think about it, from what I've seen, honestly,” he said. “You just are told, you go through life, you get married, you have kids—it’s what happens.”

Rogen and his wife have only grown stronger in their decision and they believe that it has helped their relationship.

“Now, more than anything, the conversation is like, ‘Honestly, thank God we don’t have children,’” he continued. “We get to do whatever we want.”

“We are in the prime of our lives. We are smarter than we've ever been, we understand ourselves more than we ever have, we have the capacity to achieve a level of work and a level of communication and care for one another, and a lifestyle we can live with one another that we've never been able to live before. And we can just do that, and we don't have to raise a child—which the world does not need right now,” Rogen concluded.

Everyone has the right to choose whether or not to have children, and no one has the right to judge them. Rogen and Miller have thought their decision through and should be applauded for living how they see fit. It’s cool to see Rogen with such a thoughtful opinion on the matter. It’d be even cooler if celebrities never had to discuss the topic in the first place.


This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Joy

They thought their son lived an isolated life. But when he died, friends showed up in droves.

Mats Steen's parents were shocked to learn their severely disabled son had lived a rich, independent life they knew nothing about.

Netflix/YouTube

Mats Steen lived a secret life that his family only discovered after he died.

Mats Steen was only 25 years old when he passed away, his body succumbing to the genetic disease that had slowly taken his mobility since childhood. He'd lived in a wheelchair since his early teens, and by his 20s, his physical abilities had deteriorated to the point of only being able to move his fingers. He could push buttons and use a mouse, and he spent nearly all of his waking hours playing video games in his parents' basement.

His family loved him and cared for him through it all, giving him as much of a normal life as they could. But they also lamented everything they knew he'd missed out on. "Our deepest sorrow lay in the fact that he would never experience friendships, love, or to make a difference in people's lives," Mats' father shares.

Mats left behind the password to a blog he kept. Not knowing if anyone would actually read it, his parents published the news of Mats' passing in a blog post, adding their email address in case anyone wanted to reach out.

Much to their surprise, messages began pouring in from around the world—not just with condolences, but with heartfelt stories from people who called Mats their friend.

The Steens soon discovered that their son had lived a much fuller life than they'd ever imagined—one that included all the things they always wished for him.

As his online life was revealed, the family learned that Mats began his days with a routine 30-minute sprint through the forest. He frequented cafes and pubs, chatting with strangers and flirting with women. He sat by campfires having heart-to-heart conversations. He made friends and enemies. He fought heroic battles. He supported people in times of need. He gave advice that people took. He experienced his first kiss.

And he did it all as "Ibelin," his handsome, muscular avatar in the online game World of Warcraft.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Mats' life is showcased in the documentary, "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin," in which his parents share the story of how they discovered their son's group of friends they didn't know he had.

People who've never played an open world roleplay game like World of Warcraft may wonder how real community can be built through it, but Mats' story proves it's possible. The friends he made through the game have shared the real influence he'd had on their real lives, from helping them with problems they were facing to empowering them to make positive changes in their relationships.

Though he never met them face-to-face, Mats' online friends say he made a significant impact on them.

A young woman Ibelin had connected with as a teenager—the one with whom he'd shared that first virtual kiss—shared that her parents had taken away her computer when they feared gaming was interfering with her studies. When she logged on at a local library, Mats gave her a letter he had written to give to her parents, encouraging them to talk with her about her gaming hobby and to work out a solution together that didn't require her to give it up completely. She printed it and gave it to them. Miraculously, it worked.

Another woman had been having a hard time connecting with her autistic son as a young adult. When she talked with Ibelin about her struggles, he suggested that she and her son start gaming together and connect in that way first. Eventually, that connection via the virtual world led to warmer in-person interactions between them—and a life-changing shift in their relationship.

"I don't think he was aware of the impact that he had done to a lot of people," the mother shared.

Mats interacted with the same online friends as Ibelin for years, going through the kinds of ups and downs all real friendships experience. He kept his physical condition a secret until close to the end of his life, when he finally opened up to another player who convinced him to share his reality with the others. Some traveled from other countries to attend his funeral, with one of them speaking on the group's behalf and a few of them serving as pallbearers. Those who knew Ibelin also held a memorial in-game at his virtual gravesite—a tradition that has spread beyond just his own guild.

Typically, we think of someone escaping the real world and spending hours a day playing video games as unhealthy, but for Mats, it was a lifeline. As Ibelin, Mats was able to have a level of independence and a rich social life that simply wasn't possible for him in the offline world—an uniquely modern phenomenon that technology and human creativity have made possible.

Mats' impact on his online community was real, and 10 years after his passing his impact is spreading even further.

Duchenne muscular dystrophy, the genetic disease that Mats lived with and ultimately died from, affects 300,000 boys worldwide. It only affects males and it has no cure. But CureDuchenne, a global nonprofit dedicated to funding and finding a cure, has partnered with Blizzard and World of Warcraft in Mats' honor. From now until January 7, 2025, World of Warcraft players can purchase a limited-edition pet fox named Reven ("fox" in Norwegian). The Reven Pack, which includes a transmog backpack and Reven’s Comfy Carrier, costs $20, with 100% of the purchase price being donated to CureDuchenne.

The Reven Pack on World of Warcraft—100% of purchase cost goes to the CureDuchenne foundation.World of Warcraft/CureDuchenne

“Mats Steen lived a life in World of Warcraft that he couldn’t in the real world as he fought Duchenne muscular dystrophy alongside his incredible family, who I’m proud to have met and fallen in love with,”said Holly Longdale, executive producer of World of Warcraft. “Working with CureDuchenne for our Charity Pet Program, in honor of Mats’ memory, allows us to harness the power of our phenomenal global community to bring meaningful impact to so many lives.”

You can learn more about Mats' story in the award-winning documentary, "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin," on Netflix and learn more about the CureDuchenne fundraising initiative with World of Warcraft here.

From Your Site Articles
community
Pop Culture

The Bee Gees a capella version of 'How Deep is Your Love' might be even better than the original

Only family can harmonize this well.

via Edu Seijas/YouTube

The Bee Gees singing "How Deep is Your Love" in 1998.

In 1998, the Bee Gees, brothers Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb, stopped by ITV’s “Des O'Connor Tonight” with acoustic guitars in hand to promote their recent release, “One Night Only,” an album and live concert DVD featuring many of the band’s biggest hits.

The highlight of the performance was when Barry got ready to strum his guitar for a performance of “How Deep is Your Love,” the 1977 megahit from the “Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack,” but instead chose to sing the song a capella.

Barry starts the song solo in his beautiful falsetto, but then, when his brothers join him, they create a wonderful harmony that only brothers can make. The show’s host, Des O’Conner, a notable singer himself, even joins in for a few bars.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Earlier in the performance, the brothers played their version of “Islands in the Stream,” a song made famous by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rodgers in 1983 that was written by the Bee Gees. In 1998, the song was enjoying a resurgence as its melody was used in the song “Ghetto Superstar” by Pras of The Fugees.

Robin Gibb later admitted that the song was initially written for Marvin Gaye to sing, but he was tragically murdered in 1984 by his father. The band also had Diana Ross in mind while composing the tune.

During the appearance, the band also sang “Guilty,” a song that the Bee Gees wrote for Barbara Streisand and Barry produced in 1980.

You can watch the entire performance in the video below.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This article originally appeared in August

From Your Site Articles
the bee gees
Humor

People share the most hilariously out-of-touch advice given for saving money

'If you think gas is too expensive, just buy an electric car.'

Photo by Andre Taissin on Unsplash

People share out-of-touch money advice.

People have all sorts of advice on saving, and when doling it out, money experts often overlook those living paycheck to paycheck. I saw one of these experts on television recently saying people should have three separate savings accounts for their home expenses—one each for appliances, furniture and home repairs. These in addition to your emergency savings fund and likely your regular savings account. The advice, while acceptable for some, is comical for the rest of us. For even more hilarious money advice, people on Reddit came up with some doozies.

Reddit user u/Salazard260 posed the question "What's the most comically out of touch 'advice' you've been given by someone wealthier?" Most of the responses were eyebrow-raising, and if you've ever been poor—whether it be working poor or below poverty line poor—the advice was hilarious. User blezmalfoy said they were told, "That I need to buy several apartments and rent them out. Unfortunately, he did not tell me where to get money to buy several apartments." You do have to wonder, where does one simply get money to buy multiple apartments? Maybe the money tree our parents told us didn't exist is actually in a forest of other money trees and we just don't know it.

Remember the controversy several years ago when a financial advisor told millennials to stop buying coffees and avocado toast in order to afford purchasing a home? This approach may work for some people who might save a couple hundred dollars by the end of the year, but it's hardly enough to make a downpayment on a new house. It makes you wonder how much this person thinks lattes cost.

Screenshot from Reddit

The Lending Club reported that in June 2022, 61% of Americans were living paycheck to paycheck, and the Census Bureau states that 11.4% of Americans were living in poverty in 2020. People in these two categories don't have any room to save for a rainy day when they're focused on surviving until payday, so the advice given from people far removed from the poverty line can seem a little tone deaf.

In the Reddit thread, a commenter explained advice given to them when they complained of gas prices. "If you think gas is too expensive, just buy an electric car." They lamented, "If I'm unable to pay $50 for a tank of gas, I'm certainly not going to be able to buy a new car, whether it's electric or not."

Another user was told, "Start putting money away for retirement now asap!!" To which the commenter responded, "my brother in christ i cant even put money away for Christmas presents."

Screenshot from Reddit

The one that takes the cake is a commenter who revealed his college roommate said, “When your parents send you your allowance each month, just set a thousand aside each time.” I bet this commenter never thought to do that. Also, how much are wealthy people sending their kids to college with? The way prices are right now, my children will be sent off to college with a box of ramen and a crisp $5 bill.

The thread is full of real-life experience and responses that will make you chuckle, especially if you grew up less wealthy or are currently poor. Starting a business and buying rental property costs money, as does paying off all of your debt to free up money to save. It would seem that most people understand that concept and yet it appears to be lost if you're reading the encounters on Reddit.

Just know, if you truly want to save money, quit your job and take a six-month sabbatical to wait for the perfect idea to come to you. I'm kidding. Don't do that.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
reddit
Trending Stories