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Parenting

A mother's letter on the passing of her young daughter is a must-read on grief, love and loss

Havi Lev Goldstein left a lifetime of memories in just over two years.

A mother's letter on the passing of her young daughter is a must-read on grief, love and loss

Upworthy is sharing this letter from Myra Sack on the anniversary of the passing of her daughter Havi Lev Goldstein. Loss affects everyone differently and nothing can prepare us for the loss of a young child. But as this letter beautifully demonstrates, grief is not something to be ignored or denied. We hope the honest words and feelings shared below can help you or someone you know who is processing grief of their own. The original letter appeared on 1.20.22. It begins below:


Dear Beauty,

Time is crawling to January 20th, the one-year anniversary of the day you took your final breath on my chest in our bed. We had a dance party the night before. Your posse came over. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, closest friends, and your loving nanny Tia. We sat in the warm kitchen with music on and passed you from one set of arms to another. Everyone wanted one last dance with you. We didn’t mess around with only slow songs. You danced to Havana and Danza Kuduro, too. Somehow, you mustered the energy to sway and rock with each of us, despite not having had anything to eat or drink for six days. That night, January 19th, we laughed and cried and sang and danced. And we held each other. We let our snot and our tears rest on each other’s shoulders; we didn’t wipe any of them away. We ate ice cream after dinner, as we do every night. And on this night, we rubbed a little bit of fresh mint chocolate chip against your lips. Maybe you’d taste the sweetness.

Reggaeton and country music. Blueberry pancakes and ice cream. Deep, long sobs and outbursts of real, raw laughter. Conversations about what our relationships mean to each other and why we are on this earth.


This is grief in our home.

We lost our first-born daughter, Havi Lev Goldstein, on January 20th, 2021, at 9:04am. She died peacefully in our bed, in our arms. She died from a cruel disease called Tay-Sachs, that strips your mind and body of every function over 12-18 months. Havi was two years, four months and sixteen days old when she died.

My husband, Matt Goldstein, and I underwent preconception genetic testing for Tay-Sachs disease. We are both Ashkenazi Jewish, a population that has a higher risk for having a mutation in the gene that causes Tay-Sachs. We took our genetic testing very seriously. My testing results came back showing that I was a carrier; Matt’s results said he was not. Given the autosomal recessive nature of the disease, both parents need to be carriers for the fetus to be at risk of inheriting the disease. Months later, we were pregnant with our first child.

Tragically, Matt received the wrong test, and his carrier status was mis-reported. Matt was in fact, a carrier for Tay-Sachs. 15 months into her life, we learned that our daughter, Havi, was now a victim of this fatal, progressive neurodegenerative disease. In an instant, we were transformed from being not only first-time parents, but now first-time parents of a dying child.

From the date of Havi’s diagnosis, December 17th, 2019, to her death on January 20th, 2021, we followed her lead. She never spoke a word, never walked a single step. But she communicated powerfully through smiles and tears, through the brightness of her eyes and the back-and-forth movements of her head. She loved, deeply. And when you closed your eyes and listened closely, her voice was clear.

Havi taught us that life can be even more beautiful and painful than we ever imagined. And when we live at the edge of that deepest beauty and deepest pain, then everything—our hearts, our world view, our community—will deepen and expand.

We honored Havi’s life every Friday night with family and friends in a celebration that we called Shabbirthday. The word is a combination of Shabbat and Birthday. Havi’s favorite food, the only food that she ever crawled toward, was challah, the braided Jewish bread that we eat every Shabbat. And we knew that her birthdays would be limited to two. That was not enough. We wanted more. So we threw Havi 57 Shabbirthdays before she died. Balloons, cakes, beach walks, fancy dinners, always a challah, and beautiful songs and prayers. We didn’t pretend to be happy on these Shabbirthdays. We weren’t. We were heart broken. We didn’t throw parties to distract or numb the pain. We found moments of beauty and celebration embedded in and between our deepest pain. We knew we needed the love and support of our closest people right there with us, too. And we treated every moment as sacred, not scary. As holy, not superficial.

This is grief in our home.

Since Havi’s death, we continue to honor Shabbirthdays every Friday. Now, we read poems, listen to Cole Swindell’s, ‘You Should Be Here’, and close our eyes tightly to try and recall the feeling of her wrapped tightly in our arms. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. Sometimes I don’t want to open my eyes at the end of the song. And sometimes, I feel okay. Sometimes I can even smile through the song and cuddle with our beautiful younger daughter, Kaia. Whatever the feelings are, however the anguish of grief is manifesting, I pay attention.

Havi’s story is for anyone who has lost the person they love most in this world; for anyone who has watched someone they love lose their beloved; or for anyone who has yet to be touched by their own tragic loss and is open to learning about what it might feel like for them one day.

For me, Havi’s death is not a one-time event. It happens over and over again every moment she is not where she is supposed to be: Picking out a mismatched set of clothes that look adorable anyway; walking into preschool with her little hand gripping my index finger; pausing between the slides and the swings for a few bites of fig bar at the playground; playing with her little sister who looks up in admiration at her god given best friend. The losses are layered and constant. And they will accrue, every day, and on every missed milestone until the day I die. I’m not sure people understand that about losing a young child.

I think that the only way to be okay is to keep inviting our dead into those spaces, to keep them present in those moments where they should be. And not in a delusional way, either. Only in a way that helps us to create new memories and experiences with them since their life on this earth was so tragically short. Relationships don’t have to end when the physical ends. We don’t need to relegate them to the margins. As our therapist, Dr. Joanne Cacciatore puts it: We keep them right in the front row. From that place, they can participate actively in the life they were meant to have. And we can be proud to include them in it. And they can continue to encourage us to live a life of fullness and in service to others.

Even after only one year on this earth without Havi, my relationship with her has undergone profound and deepening changes. In the same way that relationships in the world of the living require immense attention and constant adjustments, so too, do our relationships with our dead. There are moments when I can still feel the touch of Hav’s softest cheeks against mine and there are also moments when I feel far away from her. There are times when I can hear her voice in my head and in my heart and times when the silence is everywhere even though I’m begging for her to show up.

A lot of this journey is a solitary one but it’s made so much easier when other people in our lives keep Havi present. This looks like so many beautiful things: Havi’s name written in the sand; outfits in the color purple; beautiful sunsets over mountains filled with wild flowers; a glass raised ‘To Hav’ before dinner begins; photographs on a bookshelf; text messages on important dates; acts of kindness in the spirit of a beautiful little girl. We do not need to ‘move on’ and we never will. We want to be joined in existing in the space where love and pain coexist for that is the space where we are closest to Hav. We, we all, can be changed forever by the power of loss. Falling into its embrace can make us more powerful, more productive, more alive, and more human. But that growth is ours to discover and cannot be rushed, or forced.

I wish we were kinder to grieving people. I wish we understood that grief is not scary. Losing Havi is the worst possible thing I could have ever imagined as a new mother. It is tragic and unnatural. But what is natural is to want to keep her close to us, to want to make her proud, to want to make the world better in her name, to want other people to know and love her. Those are all natural, quite beautiful, instincts that keep grieving people feeling like they can be okay and maybe even that they can become bigger and better versions of themselves.

I know my relationship with grief, and with Havi, is going to change many more times in my lifetime. I only hope that there will be more safe places to inhabit my suffering when it does.

Children are not supposed to die before their parents. But they do. And they do in this country, they do in all of our neighborhoods. And there are thousands of children, and their parents, who deserve a dance party filled with deep soulful sobs, uncontrollable laughter, and the rhythm of the music keeping us all on our feet for one more day. Most importantly, they deserve to be remembered.

This article originally appeared on 1.20.22

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Animals & Wildlife

6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?'

A question no one knew they needed answered.

Photo courtesy of Kerry Hyde

Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on? Science answers.

Cat owners sometimes have unique questions that even Google doesn't always have the answer to. This is probably the sole reason cat forums exist, but one kid who needed a 6th grade science project decided to skip the cat forums for answers and instead use the scientific method. Kaeden Henry, a sixth grader living in Florida, bravely pondered a question few (if any one) has been brave enough to ask: do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?

Since cats do whatever the heck they want, training them not to jump on kitchen counters is a feat even Hercules struggles to complete. These fierce felines don't care if you're cooking dinner or trying to get comfy in bed. If they want to sit somewhere, they're going to do it. The thought of cat butts on that expensive Serta pillow designed to feel like you're sleeping on a cloud can gross people out, but thanks to Kaeden, you no longer have to wonder if the butthole itself is also making contact.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The curious sixth grader is homeschooled and well-versed in the scientific method thanks to her mother's PhD in animal behavior with a concentration in feline behavior. And, since they own cats, the science experiment was pretty straightforward (and directly impactful).

To complete the experiment, Henry and his mom, Kerry Hyde, bought non-toxic lipstick and applied it to each of their cat's anuses. Then, the cats were given commands.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"Non-toxic lipstick was applied to their bum-bums, they were then given a series of commands (sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Side note: Both cats have been trained since kittenhood with a variety of commands, they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak.), they were compensated with lots of praise, pets, and their favorite treats, and the lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once we collected our data in just under 10 minutes," Hyde wrote in a Facebook post.

The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on. Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details. Kaeden's experiment covered long-haired, short-haired, and medium-haired cats (if your cat is hairless, you better stock up on Clorox wipes just in case).

"His results and general findings: Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all. Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But we did see evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface. Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and they may be lying on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces!" Hyde shares.

Now every curious cat owner can rest easy knowing that as long as their cat has hair, their bare bottom balloon knot is not touching the majority of surfaces in their home.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The amusing experiment caught the Internet's attention. People laughed and commented, with one person writing, "This is probably the most useful information I’ve learned from a science fair project."

"Good to know!...I can now eat my sandwich left on the counter with confidence!" another writes.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"A+++!!! Whew!! I am very grateful for your sciencing on this subject. My fears from walking in on my cat sitting on my laptop keyboard and subsequently being grossed out and cleaning furiously in a hyper-ocd manner have been somewhat allayed and now maybe I won’t have to use QUIIITE so many wipes." someone chimes in.

"Finally.. Someone answers the important questions!!"

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Motherhood

Moms with adult daughters who call them everyday share their best parenting tips

"I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter."

Photo by leah hetteberg on Unsplash

Mom with adult daughters.

Mother-daughter relationships are a bond like no other. For many girl moms, one of the markers of a parenting job well-done is when your adult daughters want to call you everyday.

It's something TikToker @coobellaa hopes will happen. So, she decided to ask her followers for parenting advice–specifically from 'girl moms' who have adult daughters who call them everyday. Her goal: to get their advice on how to keep her relationship with her daughter strong as she grows up, with hopes she will want to call her everyday when she's out on her own.

"Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞," she captioned the post.

@coobellaa

Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞 #mom #girlmom #momtips

In the video, @coobellaa is getting ready with her young daughter in the mirror. Within the video, she added the caption, "GIRL MOMS with daughters over 20 who still call you everyday...what's something you did while raising them that kept your bond strong?

Moms did not hold back. They opened up about the specific things that have helped them maintain a strong relationship with their adult daughters. These are 18 of the best insights:

1. "Physical affection. I made it a habit to give my kids a snuggle as soon as they woke up and before bed. It kept us connected even through the teen years."

mom, daughter, hug, affection, physical touchMama Said Love GIF by OriginalsGiphy

2. "My daughter is 34, she’s my best friend. I always believed her, I never judged, I gave tons of affection, and we did it together. I was a young Mom, and now a Gigi of 5. I always want more for her ♥️."

3. "Honestly I just made sure I gave them a place of love and no judgement. They knew I was the mom and not their friend but they also knew I could handle the truth better than a lie so lies were[n't] needed."

4. "Be honest, admit to my mistake and try to 'suggest' things once they became adults. I feel like teaching them to trust themselves, their ideas and consequences while at home was the best. I was there."

5. "I laid down with my daughter every night at bedtime and we talked about her day, well into her teens. Sometimes it was boring but I knew someday she may need something important so I always listened."

mom, bedtime, daughter, mom and daughter, listening hallmark hall of fame mother daughter GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy

6. "I let them say their truth and didn't try to change it even if it made me look bad I just had to change it this made me cry."

7. "I didn't have all of the answers. I never pretended to. I apologized often and tried to speak about differences when emotions weren't high."

8. "Be real and raw it’s okay to show vulnerability and always say sorry when you don’t hit the mark. Thank them when they show kindness empathy etc. See the best in them and reflect that back to them."

9. "Be honest (age appropriate), allow them to make their own mistakes, tell them that you are learning and make a safe space for them to tell you when you do something wrong and to take accountability ❤️."


safe space, parenting, moms, daughters, parentsyou're safe here season 4 GIF by PortlandiaGiphy

10. "Two things: first, we have 'the bubble'. You can say anything, swear, vent, confess to wrongdoing, etc w/o fear of punishment. It’s a safe space. Sometimes you just need to have a place to 'get it all out”'. Second, every time my daughter comes to me with anything my first response is 'do you need advice or do you need me to just listen?'"

11. "Don’t react… when they come to you with something unhinged as a teen, don’t let your face or words react in that moment! Gather yourself and have the convo HOURS later, no matter what it is!!"

12. "I show grace. I apologize. I’m transparent. I tell them I love them 100 times a day. I’m honest but kind. I’m their biggest supporter. They know I’ll always be here."

13. "'If it's important to you, it's important to me'."

important, family, moms, daughters, bondsBusy Philipps Tonight GIF by E!Giphy

14. "I always tell my daughter (who is 20) that we can sort out all problems together, big or small. Said that to her since she was little and she tells me absolutely everything. she's like my little sis🖤."

15. "My daughter is 22 and we are best friends! Always making time for 'girl time' quality time together. Knowing who she is and always having a safe place to come home to or a sounding board."

16. "I genuinely loved spending time with her, set boundaries but was always open with communication."

mom, daughter, selfie, gif, moms and daughters, parentingGIF by Better ThingsGiphy

17. "The fact they knew I’d be there no matter what, I was their mum not their friend but that nothing couldn’t be sorted. Now as adults I’m a friend as well a mum."

18. "I make sure she knows she’s loved no matter the situation. Even if it’s bad. I want the total honest truth. I believe she truly does trust me entirely! She calls me all the time!"

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Family

'It's not Little Sun': Mom can't believe she's having trouble pronouncing her newborn's name

She had no idea this would be a problem.

via JustusMoms29/TikTok (used with permission)

Justus Stroup is starting to realize her baby's name isn't that common.

One of the many surprises that come with parenthood is how the world reacts to your child’s name. It’s less of a surprise if your child has a common name like John, Mohammed, or Lisa. But if you give your child a non-traditional name that’s gender-neutral, you’re going to throw a lot of folks off guard, and mispronunciations are going to be an issue.

This exact situation happened with TikTok user Justus Stroup, who recently had her second child, but there’s a twist: she isn’t quite sure how to pronounce her child’s name either. "I may have named my daughter a name I can't even pronounce," Stroup opens the video. "Now, I think I can pronounce it, but I've told a couple of people her name, and there are two people who thought I said the same exact thing. So, I don't know that I know how to [pronounce] her name correctly."

@justusmoms29

Just when you think you name your child something normal! #2under2mom #postpartum #newborn #momsoftiktok #uniquenames #babyname #babygirl #sahm #momhumor

Stroup’s daughter is named Sutton, and the big problem is how people around her pronounce the Ts. Stroup tends to gloss over the Ts, so it sounds like Suh-en. However, some people go hard on the Ts and call her “Sut-ton.”

"I'm not gonna enunciate the 'Ts' like that. It drives me absolutely nuts," she noted in her TikTok video. "I told a friend her name one time, and she goes, 'Oh, that's cute.' And then she repeated the name back to me and I was like, 'No, that is not what I said.'"

Stroup also had a problem with her 2-year-old son’s speech therapist, who thought the baby’s name was Sun and that there weren’t any Ts in the name at all. "My speech therapist, when I corrected her and spelled it out, she goes, 'You know, living out in California, I have friends who named their kids River and Ocean, so I didn't think it was that far off.'"


Stroup told People that she got the name from a TV show called “The Lying Game,” which she used to watch in high school. "Truthfully, this was never a name on my list before finding out I was pregnant with a girl, but after finding out the gender, it was a name I mentioned and my husband fell in love with," says Stroup. "I still love the name. I honestly thought I was picking a strong yet still unique name. I still find it to be a pretty name, and I love that it is gender neutral as those are the type of names I love for girls."

The mother could choose the name because her husband named their son Greyson.

The commenters thought Stroup should tell people it’s Sutton, pronounced like a button. “I hear it correctly! Sutton like Button. I would pronounce it like you, too!” Amanda wrote.

“My daughter’s name is Sutton. I say it the same way as you. When people struggle with her name, I say it’s Button but with a S. That normally immediately gets them to pronounce it correctly,” Megan added.

After the video went viral, Stroup heard from people named Hunter and Peyton, who are dealing with a similar situation. “I've also noticed the two most common names who run into the same issue are Hunter (people pronouncing it as Hunner or HUNT-ER) and Payton (pronounced Pey-Ton or Pey-tin, most prefer it as Pey-tin),” she told Upworthy.

baby, newborn baby, baby girl, baby girl teddy, teddy bear, sleeping babyA newborn baby with her Teddy bear. (Representative image)via Canva/Photos

“Another person commented saying her name is Susan and people always think it is Season or Steven,” Stroup told Upworthy. After having her second child, she learned that people mix up even the simplest names. “No name is safe at this point,” she joked.

The whole situation has Stroup rethinking how she pronounces her daughter’s name. Hopefully, she got some advance on how to tell people how to pronounce it, or else she’ll have years of correcting people in front of her. "Good lord, I did not think this was going to be my issue with this name," she said.

Three months later, Stroup posted a video asking her TikTok followers for help giving Sutton a nickname. She said it was easy with her son, Greyson, because they can just call him Grey. But Sutton is a little more difficult. Her father calls her "Tonton," which drives Stroup up the wall. "You cannot be calling a girl Tonton," she exclaimed. Stroup's followers suggested they call her "Sutty," but the name she really liked was "Sunny."

@justusmoms29

Calling all Sutton’s to the conversation! #nicknames #momsoftiktok #momof2 #sahm #toddlermom #newborn #postpartum

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

Unbelievable new story reveals how Disney classic The Emperor’s New Groove almost didn't happen

It's being called “the most torturous production in history.”

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What really happened behind the scenes.

It was the 1990s and the Disney Animation department seemed unstoppable. Over the past decade, Walt Disney Studios Chairman Jeffrey Katzenberg and his army of directors, writers, and animators worked tirelessly to produce a shiny new animated movie for Disney every year, sometimes two or three times yearly. And by all accounts, it was working. These “little hits” they were pumping out for the big boss? Box-office miracles, all of them. Disney had cornered and perfected this market so well that audiences started to forget there were other animation studios out there. The time was known as the Disney Renaissance, and could you blame them? Between 1989 and 1999, Disney Animation truly had the Midas touch, and every movie they produced was imbued with once-in-a-generation movie magic.

Walt Disney Pictures, logo, magic, disney, films, disney renaissance Disney made magic happen in the 90s. Giphy

It began with The Little Mermaid in 1989 and was followed quickly The Rescuers Down Under in 1990 and Beauty and the Beast in 1991. Aladdin (1992) followed, then The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993), The Lion King (1994), A Goofy Movie (1995), Pocahontas (also 1995), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996), Hercules (1997), Mulan (1998), and to cap off this incredible dynasty, Tarzan in 1999. Sprinkled between these hits were more hits from Disney's other studio, Pixar (Toy Story in 1995, Toy Story 2 in 1999, A Bug's Life in 1998). Though not technically part of the Renaissance, these hits only added to Disney's bank of classics.

The success seemed to make the team confident they could start doing stranger, quirkier films that strayed from the current cookie-cutter Disney model. But that hubris would lead to an epic battle within the studio. Though Katzenberg was dismissed in 1994, his mark had been made and the Renaissance was still moving ahead one until one of the most fraught productions in Disney’s history. Filled with creative clashes, drastic rewrites, personnel changes, and a rushed timeline, this project had the odds stacked heavily against it. That movie was Kingdom of the Sun.

Or, that’s what it would have been called if everything went according to plan. On December 10, 2000, at the El Capitan Theater in Los Angeles, Disney premiered The Emperor’s New Groove, a zany, highly funny comedy about a selfish young emperor who is accidentally transformed into a llama by his treacherous advisor. To return to his human form, he must rely on a peasant from the village, Pacha, whom he’s already wronged before the initial plot is underway. On paper, this had the potential to be a masterpiece. The cast was beyond stacked. David Spade playing the most David Spade-est characters of all time, a tart, conceited 17-year-old brat emperor named Kuzco; Eartha Kitt (!!) played Yzma, the emperor’s diabolical elderly advisor who secretly wishes to usurp him; and John Goodman played Pacha, the noble and kind village-dweller who must bring Kuzco back and return him to his human self. At the time, audiences were confused by the lack of grandeur, coming off the heels of Tarzan. (Although The Emperor’s New Groove received generally positive critical reviews, by Disney standards, it had underperformed, grossing $169.5 million on a $100 million budget.)


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

But back to Kingdom of the Sun. In 1994, fresh off the gigantic success of The Lion King, Disney Studios' President at the time, Thomas Schumacher, handpicked the movie’s original director, Roger Allers, to lead their next film, which would explore an ancient culture such as the Incas, Aztecs, or Mayans. Allers, alongside co-writer Matthew Jacobs, dreamt up an epic tale set in Peru, where a greedy emperor (voiced by Spade), bored by life at the palace, would trade places with a similarly looking peasant (to be voiced by Owen Wilson), resembling Mark Twain’s novel, The Prince and the Pauper. There were a few other Disney tidbits thrown in, like an evil god of death (Kitt) who sought to destroy the sun, and two love interests: the emperor’s betrothed fiancée Nina, and a llama-herder named Mata (voiced by Laura Prepon). It was perfectly lovely and entirely safe, ideal for its studio. James Berardinelli and Roger Ebert’s book, The Reel Views 2, describedKingdom of the Sun as a “romantic comedy musical in the ‘traditional’ Disney style.” The team even traveled to Machu Picchu in 1996 to immerse themselves in Incan culture and study artifacts and architecture.

This did not go over well with the studio. First, they had already done a version of The Prince and the Pauper, a Mickey Mouse short from 1990 that the studio paired with various at-home releases. The idea felt tired. They needed more, especially considering the “underperformances” of Pocahontas and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Disney execs were worried that Kingdom of the Sun would fall into the same trap: too self-serious and too ambitious (they had flown to Machu Picchu, c’mon!). So, they called Mark Dindal to come in and punch up the material, naming him co-director. This is where things start to go a bit haywire.

Suddenly, the original director, now co-director, Roger Allers, calls up the singer Sting to compose songs for the movie. He agrees, under one condition: his wife, Trudie Styler, can come along and document the process (more on this later). They settled on the terms, and Sting and his collaborator began to work on eight original songs, each of which is “inextricably linked with the original plot and characters.” Only two songs made the final cut when The Emperor’s New Groove premiered, with three added to the soundtrack CD as bonuses. By the summer of 1998, Disney’s studio executives began to crash out.

Disney, Emperor's New Groove, David Spade, film, disney animationTurns out, the film was in shambles.Giphy

The film was in shambles, nowhere near where it should be for a 2000 release—and it had to be released then, due to various crucial promotional deals Disney had set up with Coca-Cola and McDonalds. Allers had gone wild, overstuffing the film with too many plot elements, eager not to repeat the tired Disney “formula”: a hero, a villain, and a love song. In a panic, the Disney executives devised a plan that would later be known infamously as a “Bake Off.” The crew was split in two.

“They gave Mark Dindal a small crew, and me a small crew, to come up with two different versions of the story. Which is just kind of awful to compete against each other,” recalls Allers to Vulture. On one side was Allers, who proposed a complex yet emotionally moving film that had the potential to rival The Lion King. Dindal was on the other side, but his pitch didn’t involve story elements or characters being cut. He suggested an entirely different movie. According to storyboard artist Chris Williams, “Even more than probably pitching a story or new characters, we were pitching a tone. We were suggesting a radically different tone than what Kingdom of the Sun had been. A lot of what was funny about it was just how preposterous it was. And I’d never heard Tom and Peter laugh before. They were almost literally on the floor laughing.”


The Emperors New Groove, angel, devil, scene, movie, DisneyIt wasn't really a pitch, like the movie ended up being, it was funny.Giphy

Roger Allers saw what was happening—this was the movie—and left the project. It was September 1998, and Disney had already wasted $30 million of its $100 million budget. Oh, and only 25% of the film was animated. They had about a year to pull off the heist of the century.

When they emerged from the “Bake Off,” Dindal and producer Randy Fullmer halted production for six months. They returned with The Emperor’s New Groove,a buddy comedy set loosely in Peru. It had become an entirely new film: most of the cast, except Spade and Kitt, had been fired. It was leaner: fewer characters, simpler backgrounds. They squeaked by the deadline and somehow managed to release a movie that year.

And that would have been the end of it. Kind of weird and tonally different Disney film breaks even. Nothing more to see. That is, if not for Sting’s wife, documentarian Trudie Styler, who had been capturing all of the drama from the sidelines. Remember Sting’s ultimatum at the beginning? Styler kept her promise, creating a documentary called The Sweatbox, named for the screening room at Disney Studios in Burbank that had no air conditioning and caused the animators to sweat while their work was being inspected. What began as a behind-the-scenes vanity project for her husband transformed into an unprecedented glimpse behind the curtain at the corporate dysfunction at Disney.

Sketch, Disney, Emperors New Groove, Disney, behind the scenesSketches from Kingdom of the SunDeviantArt

But while The Emperor’s New Groove has found a niche cult following since its release, The Sweatbox can’t be found… anywhere. The 86-minute documentary, which Disney approved, was initially scheduled for release in 2001 and even enjoyed a few screenings, including a worldwide premiere at the Toronto Film Festival and an unpublicized one-week run at the Loews Beverly Center Cineplex in Los Angeles. Reporting on The Sweatbox, Wade Sampson wrote:

“The two executives did come across as nerdy bullies who really didn’t seem to know what was going on when it came to animation and were unnecessarily hurtful and full of politically correct speech. They looked like the kids in high school that jocks gave a “wedgie” to on a daily basis. How much of that impression was due to editing and how much was a remarkable, truthful glimpse is up to the viewer to decide.”

Now and then, a brave vigilante dares to post a clip of The Sweatbox online, but Disney always removes it. But it’s funny how things end up: after the first screening of The Emperor’s New Groove, someone from Disney leadership said, “We’ll never make that kind of movie again.” Yet, since then, Disney has released a direct-to-video sequel named Kronk’s New Groove, an animated TV series, and various games based on that “cursed movie.”

Seems like the Emperor didn't throw off Disney's groove after all.

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Woman reveals how people get such long-lasting spray tans and it's grossing people out

As a first-timer, she was shocked at the instructions.

Photo credit: Canva

Woman is disgusted after learning the truth behind lasting spray tans.

Not everyone tans easily, and for some, reducing the risk of skin cancer and premature excess wrinkles is more important than laying out with a bottle of baby oil. For those who want a tan without the massive amounts of UV exposure, spray tanning is a good option. You can get the sun-kissed, recently back from vacation look without the risk.

The process is simple. You walk into a room and someone comes in with what looks like an airbrush gun and sprays a nice even layer or two of artificial melanin on your skin. It can even out your skin tone, leaving your skin looking healthy and more vibrant. There is a catch though–it's temporary.

spray tans; spray tan care; hygiene after spray tan; how to make spray tan last; truth behind spray tansPhoto credit: Canva

Technically a summer tan acquired the old-fashioned way is also temporary, but it generally takes weeks or months to completely fade away. But a spray tan only lasts about 5-10 days depending on how well you "care" for it. A woman who goes by the name Miss Redacted on TikTok recently received her first spray tan, and when given the instructions for how to extend the life of her spray tan through "proper care," she was left flabbergasted.

Of course, when you get something done to your body you are expecting that there will be specific instructions on how to care for the new thing. Whether it's a piercing, a tattoo, or even a chemical peel, you expect an overload of informative care instructions before you're allowed to leave the place you received the service.

So the woman was not surprised to receive the rundown on making sure her skin remained glowingly sun-kissed for as long as possible. What she wasn't expecting was the lack of care. Or maybe the better description would be the lack of hygiene required to maintain her newly tanned skin.

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"Recently I got a spray tan for the first time because I really like being tan but I don't want to have wrinkles later because I'm obviously very vain. So I went the first time and I expected that I wouldn't be able to shower normally for the first 12-24 hours, and that didn't bother me that much because I'm like, okay, I understand the tan has to set in. I can be gross for a half a day, a day max, whatever, it's not that serious," Miss Redacted says before explaining the woman who did her spray tan began talking her through the process.

The confused woman recalls a roommate in college who used to get spray tanned all the time as she put the pieces together on hygiene and spray tans. She tells the person doing her spray tan that she generally showers twice a day using soap and a silicone scrubber to wash her entire body, to which the spray tan artist immediately tells her not to use the scrubber on her body because it will take her tan off.

spray tans; spray tan care; hygiene after spray tan; how to make spray tan last; showeringPhoto credit: Canva

"I was like, 'Oh so don't use it the first shower?' and she was like 'No, like not at all.' And I was like 'What should I use instead of that?'" the first-time customer explains.

She was shocked to hear the artist tell her that she needed to switch to a washcloth and only use it to wash her, "underarms, your bikini area, and under your bra line." Again, Miss Redacted clarifies that means for the first shower only, but the artist reiterates not to put soap on your body "at all" for the first shower, only using a washcloth in the areas she previously mentioned. Once again, the woman was dumbfounded and asks again, what the spray tan artist means.

"I was like, 'what do you mean?' And she was like, 'if you want your tan to last the full 10 days, when you shower only use soap in those areas and just do water everywhere else,'" she says.

There was no getting around the idea that in order for the spray tan to last the woman was not going to be able to properly wash herself and she was thoroughly uncomfortable with that idea, informing the artist that she was going to continue to bathe regularly. Miss Redacted was told that if she bathed like normal her spray tan would only last five or six days.

spray tans; spray tan care; hygiene after spray tan; how to make spray tan last; showerPhoto credit: Canva

"Because I got down this rabbit hole, I started reading about it on Reddit and some of the ways that girls were saying they maintained their spray tans is absolutely insane. Absolutely insane. Like y'all need a bath. Y'all need a...actually a hose down. Let's like put you in the yard with some Dawn, like you're one of the ducks in an oil spill. I think that's what's needed at this point," the woman jokes before clarifying that she doesn't think every woman getting spray tanned is avoiding bathing.

But when it comes to the ick factor over the ones who have been skipping the shower for weeks at a time, the woman isn't the only one feeling the heebie jeebies. Commenters are also shocked and a little grossed out.

One person summoned knowledge from the legal scholar, Elle Woods, saying, "I can see not washing for 24 hours in order to not activate the ammonia thioglycolate."

"I will just continue to embrace my Morticia Addams aesthetic then because I will be scrubbing," another woman says.

spray tans; spray tan care; hygiene after spray tan; how to make spray tan last; truth behind spray tansSome people would prefer to just not be tan than not fully clean themselves.Photo credit: Canva

"What do you mean? WHAT DO YOU MEAN," one person demands, seeking answers that likely involve soap and water.

"The first time I spray tanned, I used a washcloth and most of the tan came off. I knew at that moment people aren't showering properly. There is no way a spray tan is lasting 10 days," a commenter reveals.

Other people explain how they get their spray tans to last longer while continuing to shower daily by using tinted moisturizers and body lotions that have a gradual tanner in it. The consensus seems to be that regular spray tanning is expensive without finding an affordable alternative to maintain the tan between sessions while continuing to bathe, but spray tanning before a special occasion is preferred. Who knew hygiene after spray tanning was such an involved art form?

This article originally appeared last year.

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