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A letter to my mother-in-law who spoiled my sons

"It's pointless to dwell on regrets, but I often think about how I had it all wrong. I was so wrong in how I perceived your generosity."

A letter to my mother-in-law who spoiled my sons
Tina Platamura


You always stole my thunder. You gave them everything they wanted. You never said no when they asked for anything.

Tina Platamura

A second helping of dessert. Candy before dinner. A few more minutes in the bath. Money for the ice cream truck.

I struggled to show you respect and appreciation while trying to make sure you didn't spoil my children. I thought you would turn them into “selfish brats" by giving them everything they wanted. I thought they might never learn to wait, to take turns, to share, because you granted their wishes as soon as they opened their mouths and pointed.

You held each one of my babies long after they fell asleep. Didn't you understand that I needed them to learn to fall asleep on their own?

You ran to them as soon as they made the tiniest sound. How would they ever learn to self-soothe?

I resented you for buying the best and most expensive gifts on their birthdays and on Christmas. How could I possibly compete with you?

"I thought they might never learn to wait, to take turns, to share, because you granted their wishes as soon as they opened their mouths and pointed."

And how they loved afternoons spent with you. You made their favorite things for dinner — three different meals for three different boys. And you always had a little surprise. A present, candy, or a special treat. I didn't want them to associate you with gifts and sweets. I thought they should love you for you. I tried to tell you this, but you wouldn't listen.

I spent a lot of time wondering why you did all these things and how I could get you to ease up. I know grandmothers are supposed to “spoil the kids" then send them home, but you were ... ridiculous.

Until you were gone.

I had to hold my boys and tell them that their grandma died. It didn't seem possible — you were supposed to be there for all the other special moments: proms, graduations, weddings. But they lost their grandma too soon and too suddenly. They were not ready to say goodbye.

During those years when I wished you'd stop spoiling them, I never thought about how much you loved them. So much that you showed it in every way possible. Your cooking. The gifts. The candy and sweets. Your presence. The way you could recount every detail of a special moment, whether it was a perfect catch in the outfield or a sweet and slightly off-key note sung at a school concert. Your grandmotherly love for them knew no bounds. Your heart poured love from every place possible — your kitchen, your pocketbook, your words, and your tireless arms.

It's pointless to dwell on regrets, but I often think about how I had it all wrong. I was so wrong in how I perceived your generosity.

My kids, now in their teens, miss you dearly. And they don't miss your gifts or your money. They miss you.

They miss running to greet you at the door and hugging you before you could step in. They miss looking up at the bleachers and seeing you, one of their biggest fans, smiling and enthralled to catch their eye. They miss talking to you and hearing your words of wisdom, encouragement and love.

If I could speak to you one more time, I would tell you that every time a precious moment steals my heart, every time I watch them arrive at a new milestone, and every time they amaze me with their perseverance, talents, or triumphs, I think of you. And I wish that they could have you back.

Come back and love them one last time, like no one else in the world but a grandmother could. Bring your sweets and surprises. Reward them with gifts for the smallest accomplishments. Painstakingly prepare their favorite meals. Take them anywhere they want to go. All and only because you love them.

Come back and see how much they've grown. Watch each boy becoming his own version of a young man. Be in awe with me as we admire how family, friendship, time, and love helped them grow so beautifully over the years.

The more I long for you to come back, though, the more I realize that in a way, you never left.

assets.rebelmouse.io

I understand now. I know you loved them in every way you could. I know that being their grandma gave you joy and purpose. And of course I know that you can't come back, but I do know that your love for them will always remain. Your love built them and sheltered them in ways that cannot be described. Your love is a big part of who they are and what they will become as they grow. For this, and for every treat and gift, and every time you held them too long or consoled them too much or let them stay up too late, I will always thank you.

And I will wish a million times that you could do it all again.


This article was written by Tina Plantamura and originally appeared on 04.14.16

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She fell in love with endangered porpoises at age 7. Now, she's on a mission to save the ocean.

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When Rachel Heimke was seven, she realized what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Little did she know a $40,000 BigFuture Scholarship would help her pursue her dreams.

Heimke and her parents were living an unconventional lifestyle, to say the least. The summer after she completed first grade, she and her parents boarded a sailboat and sailed from their hometown in Alaska down the Pacific Coast. The family would spend the next two years traveling on the water, passing Mexico and then sailing across the world to Australia before returning home. It was on the sailboat, watching whales and dolphins breach the water under their boat, that Heimke realized her life’s purpose.

“I was really obsessed with these little porpoises called Vaquitta, who only live in one tiny area of water off the coast of Mexico,” she recalled. “When I learned about them as a kid, there were only 22 left in the wild. Now, there are only ten.” Despite her interest, Heimke was never able to actually see any Vaquitta on her trip, both because of their inherent shyness and because they were so critically endangered due to detrimental fishing policies in the area. “That was my wakeup call,” she says. “I’ll probably never be able to see this porpoise, and I don’t want that to be true of other species.”

Now a young woman of 23, Heimke is realizing her childhood dream of ocean conservation by recently graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in ocean sciences and enrolling in a grad program in Canada to study science communication. Heimke is well on her way to achieving her childhood dream—but she acknowledges that none of this would have been possible without her ocean adventures as a child, the support of her parents, and significant financial support.

At 18, when Heimke was deciding where to study ocean sciences, she stumbled upon an opportunity from BigFuture, College Board's free college and career planning site. The opportunity was the BigFuture Scholarship, which provided students the chance to win a $40,000 scholarship by completing six action items on the website. Heimke was intrigued, since she didn’t need to provide an essay, her GPA, or any test scores to enter. Her eligibility was also not tied to citizenship status or family income, so she decided to give it a shot.

“One of the action items was just going on the BigFuture site and creating a list of colleges I was interested in,” said Heimke. Another item required her to apply for financial aid through FAFSA—something Heimke was planning to do anyway. Every completed action item gave students more chances to win the scholarship, so Heimke completed all six action items quickly.

Months later, Heimke’s parents ushered her over to a call over Zoom, where she met a BigFuture representative who had some surprising news: She was one of 25 students who had won the $40,000 BigFuture college scholarship. Each year she would receive $10,000 in scholarship funding, which would cover her entire tuition bill for all four years of schooling.

“That experience taught me that it’s really important to not give up on your goals and just go for opportunities,” said Heimke. “I never thought I would win anything, but I’ve learned it's worth applying anyway. Even a small scholarship of $1,000 can pay your rent for a month,” she said. “And If you write an essay that takes an hour and you win $5,000, that’s probably the most money per hour you’ll ever make in your life.”

The tuition money made it possible for her to attend college, and for her to apply to graduate school immediately afterward without any financial burdens.

“Now that I’m in graduate school and paying for rent and a phone bill and graduate school tuition, it’s truly a blessing to not have student loan debt on top of that,” Heimke said. Because of the BigFuture scholarship, Heimke doesn’t need to pay for her graduate program either—she’s able to fund her education with the money her parents saved by not having to pay for her undergraduate degree.

One of the biggest blessings, Heimke said, was not needing to delay graduate school to work or find extra funds. With climate change worsening, entering the workforce becomes increasingly important over time.

“I’m not sure exactly what I’ll do with my degrees, but I hope to have a lot of different jobs that ultimately will work toward saving our ocean,” she said.

As a child, witnessing marine life up close and personal was life-changing. Heimke’s goal is for future generations to have that experience, as she did.

To learn more and get started, visit bigfuture.org/scholarships.

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Airline is giving all of its employees a huge bonus equal to 8 months of salary

This is how successful companies do good business.

Image credit: N509FZ

Singapore Airlines employees are getting an enormous profit-sharing bonus.

What makes an airline the "best in the world"? Stellar service, on-time departures, plentiful routes, comfortable seating, reasonable ticket prices, solid safety ratings, good loyalty benefits, etc., right? Those are all things customers look for in an airline, and many of them have given Singapore Airlines the title of "most awarded airline." In 2023, it was named the World's Best Airline by Skytrax World Airline Awards for the fifth time, more than any other airline in the 24-year history of the awards.

Now there's another reason Singapore Airlines is being praised by both flyers and non-flyers alike. After the company announced a record net profit for 2023/2024, a source told CNN in May that the airline was giving all of its employees a bonus equivalent to almost 8 months of salary. Though details of the bonus have not been shared by the company, a similar bonus was awarded to Singapore Airlines employees last year, which was also a record-breaking year for the airline. According to an airline spokesperson who spoke to Business Insider, the bonus is due to "a long-standing annual profit-sharing bonus formula that has been agreed with our staff unions."

Profit-sharing plans provide an added incentive for employees to boost performance, which benefits both employees and employers—as long as those at the top are not determined to hoard all of a company's profits. Singapore Airlines' profit-sharing bonus may be part of its overall compensation package as opposed to a discretionary bonus, but even so, it's a largely unprecedented amount for any company to pay as a bonus, and people have weighed in with their thoughts.

"Smart, this is what keeps employees happy and willing to continue going the extra mile. They are about to have even better coming year now."

"It's not just that it's a bonus....it's the percentage. 8 months of salary is amazing leadership. Wish corporate America would not be so greed with their record profits."

"Paying the staff a bonus, not just the executives, that’s good leadership."

"Congrats to Singapore Airlines! Setting a great example of rewarding employees for their dedication and hard work."

As part of the explanation for its profit of 2.68 billion Singapore dollars ($1.99 billion USD), the airline shared, "The demand for air travel remained buoyant throughout FY2023/24" with a boost by several major Asian countries fully reopening their borders after the COVID-19 pandemic. The airline shared that it carried 36.4 million passengers, a whopping 37.6% increase over the prior year.

Clearly, a lot of people choose Singapore Airlines, but why? What actually makes it the best (or for 2024, second best after Qatar Airways) in the world?

For one, they dominate the awards for First Class travel, which is nice but doesn't really affect the average traveler who flies economy. However, even Singapore's economy experience also miles above most other airlines. Singapore Airlines cabins are known for being well designed, impeccably clean and comparatively comfortable and the crew has a reputation for being friendly, attentive and helpful. (In fact, Singapore Airlines was honored with the World's Best Cabin Crew award by Skytrax in 2024.) People who fly Singapore Airlines frequently tout the experience as feeling like it's in an entirely different class than domestic airlines in the U.S., even when flying economy. The seats, the food, the service both on the ground and in the air—all of it adds up to excellence.

When you provide customers the things they value, keep your employees satisfied and happy with fair profit-sharing incentives, and also operate in a cost-efficient way, it's not surprising when you rank highly for awards across the board. That recognition then leads to more customers seeking you out, further increasing your revenue and ultimately leading you to record profits, which then get shared with employees who work that much harder to ensure that this positive cycle continues.

Amazing how when you put customers and employees first, everyone wins.

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15 conversation prompts to connect on a deeper level without making it weird

These "reflective" topics are meaningful but not overly personal.

Photo credit: Canva

It's not always easy to have good conversations in groups.

When family and friends gather together, conversations can go a few ways. If you’re genuinely close and used to sharing openly, conversation may flow naturally with no need for assistance. If you’re getting together with people you rarely see, don’t know very well, or struggle to connect with, however, conversations can feel mundane, stilted or awkward. Even with family, a 50-year-old trying to talk to a 15-year-old extended relative can be difficult without knowing what questions to ask.

Whether we’re getting together with people we know or people we are meeting for the first time, it’s nice to be able to go a little deeper than talking about the weather or pop culture. Politics is a minefield, now more than ever, and not everyone wants to share the nitty gritty details of their personal lives, so it can be hard to figure out how to have meaningful conversations without making it weird.

Ordinary & Happy offers a list of “reflective topics” that can help improve conversations with anyone of any age. Here are some examples of questions based on their suggestions and some reasons they're so effective.

Looking back

What’s something you learned this past year?

Who was an influential person in your life last year?

What’s something you accomplished this year that surprised you?

The good thing about looking back over the past year is that the experiences are fairly fresh. A year is a good amount of time to think about because it’s short enough to not be overwhelming but long enough to have had some interesting experiences and learnings.

Looking again

What’s something you rediscovered a love for?

What’s something or someone you’ve reconnected after a long time?

What’s a place you’ve visited that you really enjoyed?

A twist on reflection, adding a “re” element by asking someone about something they might have forgotten about or disconnected from but found again can be a fun way to think about the previous year a little bit differently. And of course, places we’ve enjoyed visiting is always a solid topic.

Looking ahead

What’s something you want to improve on next year?

What’s a goal you have for next year?

What’s something you’re looking forward to next year?

It can be a little tricky to ask people about the future, especially young people who often feel a lot of pressure to have their futures figured out. But on a personal level, we all have things we’re looking forward to as well as intentions for our future, even if we don’t know how it’s all going to play out.

Looking inside

How has your perception of time changed?

Have your values shifted or changed and what prompted it?

What’s something you learned about yourself this year?

These questions offer a way to get to know someone without asking about too-personal topics. Values might be considered personal, but there are a lot of ways to ask people about how the way they see the world or themselves has changed.

man and woman talking over coffeeThese prompts can work in a group or one-on-one conversations.Photo credit: Canva

Looking at being human

What do you believe is a key to good communication?

What do you believe is one of the best ways to build trust?

What do you believe the last year taught you about life?

Broadening the questions to more general human experiences rather than focusing them on an individual is a good way to pivot if people seem to feel uncomfortable talking about themselves. The adage “People love to talk about themselves” isn’t always true, but most people will weigh in on a light philosophical question like “What do you think makes someone a good friend?” or “What do you think the world needs more of?”

Anyone can come up with these kinds of reflective questions. A few tips to keep in mind, though:

- Try to avoid words like “favorite” or “best” unless you preface it with “one of.” You don’t want to force people to sort through their thoughts and put them in a particular order. Some people may have one favorite place or memory, but more often than not there are many things that could compete for that title and trying to narrow down one makes people freeze up.

- Stick to universal human experiences. We’ve all discovering things about ourselves and the world all the time, but we’re not all into the same things. “What’s a place that makes you feel peaceful?” works better than “What’s your favorite place to vacation?” Keep questions broad and focused on human characteristics instead of niche experiences people may or may not have had.

- Put questions into your own words. You might not say, "What's one thing you learned this year?" For you, it might be, "Hey, tell me about an interesting learning experience you had this year. What stands out to you?" The more natural the question in your own voice, the better. It's the topic that matters, not the wording.

Happy conversating!

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3-step 'old man test' may predict a lot about your lifespan

Can you do this without cheating?

dr.tommymartin/TikTko & tami1231/TikTok

The TikTokers are at it again. This time, they're standing on one foot and trying not to fall over while they put on their socks and shoes. It might seem silly (and it definitely looks silly), but this latest social media challenge could actually reveal a lot about your health. Affectionately dubbed the 'Old Man Test' (or something the 'Old Person Test'), fitness trainer Chris Hinshaw initially developed the idea all the way back in 2021 as a way to test a person's balance, coordination, and biological age. It's been going viral ever since.

What is the 'Old Man Test'? How to try it at home

You've probably heard of similar challenges and tests like the famous sit-stand or sit-rise test, where you're challenged to sit down on the ground and stand back up again without using your hands and arms. Doing so successfully requires good balance, strength, stability, coordination, and even heart-health — making it a good indicator of how long you might expect to live.

There's also the bar-hang test, which posits that if you can dead hang from a pull-up bar for about 30-60 seconds, you're in good shape when it comes to how well you might age.

The Old Man Test is a lot like those, but some might say it's even more challenging. It consists of three-steps, which makes it unique:

Step One: Standing barefoot on one leg, reach down and grab your sock off the floor, then slide it onto the raised foot

Step Two: Still balancing on one foot, reach down and grab your shoe from the floor, and slide it on over the sock

Step Three: Still balancing, tie the shoe completely before lowering your foot back to the floor.

Now, if that wasn't hard enough, repeat for the other leg!

You can search TikTok or any social media for #oldmantest and see dozens of videos over the years of people attempting the challenge. You'll see men, women, young, and old alike doing it with varying levels of success. I even saw one challenge where the whole family, from pre-teen to grandma, all attempted the test at the same time!

Passing the test means your balance, core strength, flexibility, and coordination are looking good. Failing? Well...

@dr.tommymartin

Can you do this? Who remembers the old man test?

Why balance says so much about your health

One of the key similarities between many of the viral "longevity tests" is how good your balance is. Good balance has been correlated with living a longer life again and again in scientific studies. Why is that always the common denominator, and why does it tell us so much about how long we might live?

First, there's the obvious. The older we get, the more likely we are to fall, and the more likely those falls are to seriously hurt us. Having great coordination and balance keeps us safe from those accidental spills.

But the importance of balance goes deeper. It's such a foundational component of our health because it helps us maintain good posture as we get older, keeps our legs and cores strong, and can even help with our cognitive function.

If you have trouble with the sit-rise test or the Old Man Test, don't worry — balance is something that can be trained and improved.

Regular exercise and mobility work can help, as can balance-specific training like working with balance balls or doing one-legged exercises. Even long walks have been shown to improve balance. It could also be related to an issue with vision, the inner ear, or brain function — which, again, is why testing your balance and coordination is such an excellent indicator of overall health.

Also, don't take any viral fitness challenge as gospel. Some people are naturally less mobile and flexible than others due to limitations in their joints and muscles, and their inability to complete these tests may have nothing to do at all with fitness levels or overall health. So no, you aren't doomed to die young if you can't tie your shoe while balancing on one foot.

That doesn't mean it's not fun to give it a try!

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SNL ‘kinda’ banned this 1998 'Schoolhouse Rock' parody warning about corporate media control

Let's watch "Conspiracy Theory Rock."

via MetaphysicalMakaveli/YouTube

Conspiracy Theory Rock, from "Saturday Night Live."

In 1996, President Bill Clinton signed the Telecommunications Act, which reduced Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regulations on cross-ownership so that major corporations could buy up smaller media outlets nationwide. This deregulation had far-reaching results, and 20 years later, 90% of the country’s major media companies were owned by just six corporations.

The consolidation of power over the country’s media into the hands of a few corporations rightfully disturbed many Americans who were worried a few powerful interests could shape the national narrative. “Saturday Night Live” writer Robert Smigel, who created the show’s “TV Funhouse” segment, best known for animated sketches featuring the “Ambiguously Gay Duo” and “The New Adventures of Mr. T,” took dead aim at the corporate media in a 1998 episode with a 2-minute “Schoolhouse Rock” parody called “Conspiracy Theory Rock.”



“Conspiracy Theory Rock” was a brave SNL piece because it didn’t hold back when discussing General Electric, NBC’s parent company. The sketch accuses GE of media manipulation, corporate welfare, influencing the FCC, manufacturing nuclear weapons, and producing cancer-causing pollution.

The controversial cartoon was reviewed by NBC corporate before hitting the air. “It did go through an extensive note process, beyond the Standards dept, and up the executive ladder,” Smigel recalled in an Instagram post. “I remember adding the ‘voices in my head’ line per their request to make the narrator seem crazier, not that it made a big difference.” But after a few minor notes, the network aired the sketch on the March 14 episode featuring host Julianne Moore and Backstreet Boys.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Did ‘Saturday Night Live’ ban ‘Conspiracy Theory Rock’?

Over the past 26 years, “Conspiracy Theory Rock” has earned the reputation of being a “banned” sketch, but that may be a bit of a conspiracy in and of itself. Was it cut from subsequent airings because it was controversial or because it simply wasn’t funny? SNL executive producer Lorne Michaels claims the cartoon was cut from reruns because it merely “wasn’t funny,” so they ran the second Backstreet Boys performance instead. It’s worth noting that when SNL episodes are rerun, they are often only an hour long (including commercials) instead of the usual 90-minute runtime.

However, Smigel's recollection breathes a bit of life into the controversy.

“Months passed, and all was calm until Adam McKay approached me,” Smigel recalled. “A pissed-off crew member had let Adam know the sketch was being cut from the rerun, replaced by a second Backstreet Boys song, which had no mentions of GE polluting the environment. I wasn't especially surprised, but Adam was fired up. He leaked the story to a few TV journalists who'd written about the cartoons. NBC claimed it wasn’t funny (not that it was), and that's why people know and still talk about it today.”

The sketch would be included in the 2006 “Best of TV Funhouse” DVD, so Smigel believes it has only been “kinda banned.” However, the cartoon does not appear in the rerun of the March 14, 1998 episode currently streaming on Peacock. The Backstreet Boys performance is also not included due to music rights issues.

Ultimately, it’s hard to know whether the cartoon was banned or dropped from broadcasts due to its lack of humor. But we know that Smigel was brave in pointing out the problems posed by corporate media control. His willingness to criticize those in power reminds us how rare it is to see satire that questions the very system airing it. Twenty-six years later, it still makes the rounds online because the problems he pointed out are still with us today.

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Brooklyn dad hosts meet-ups for other dads who 'feel alone in fatherhood'

So awesome. And so necessary.

@joegonzles.co/TikTok

Every parent needs support.

Imagine: dads coming together to hang out with other dads and their kids. Building community, sharing struggles and advice, creating memories, and getting much needed support. Sounds like a beautiful utopian pipe dream, right?

For Brooklyn-based dad and content creator Joe Gonzales (@joegonzales.co ), the dream became a reality. And he hopes that it will become a reality for others. He tells Upworthy that as a first-time dad, he quickly realized “fathers, like mothers, need a space to connect, share experiences, and support one another.”

Only thing is, there aren’t really many spaces like that. Sure, motherhood has its share of society-induced loneliness, but comparatively speaking, moms do have far more outlets to connect with one another. Text threads, mommy groups, etc. Dads…not so much. We’ve only entertained the thought of dads being more than breadwinners for a tiny blip of time, for crying out loud.

Photo courtesy of Joe Gonzales

So, lieu of finding a space where he could connect with other dads, Gonzales created one. He let other dads in New York that he’d be hosting a meet-up over one weekend, and not only did a ton show up, but several brands reached out to “give some amazing products" to give out.

In a video shared to Gonzales’s TikTok, we see a bunch of happy dads with their kids enjoying colorful play areas and just delightfully coexisting among one another.

@joegonzales.co Love the community that we are building here at The Brooklyn Stroll Club! If you are a dad or you know a dad in brooklyn then lets connect 🙏🏽👨🏽🍼
♬ Like This (Lofi) - ProdByDave


Through the success of this event, Gonzalez realized that fatherhood didn’t have to be navigated alone. “Dads wanna get better. They wanna grow. And they don’t wanna do it alone either.”

Down in the comments, people were so, so onboard with this idea.

“Love this! Dad need more events and communities like this.”

“Yes, dad events are necessary so moms can have a mom day.”

“I love this, Dads need support just like moms. They need resources and people so they don’t give up.”

“Praying this becomes normalized in our communities.”

Looks like this prayer for normalization is getting answered, because Gonzales officially dubbed his now ongoing dad meetups the Brooklyn Stroll Club. Plans are already being made for the next meetup for late January. They’ve also launched a Discord server for NYC dads to discuss all things fatherhood and continue building the community between meetups. If any dads in the area are interested in joining, click here.

Photo courtesy of Joe Gonzales

If you are a dad searching for community, but don’t live in the area, maybe take a page from Gonzales’ book and start your own group. The National At-Home Dad Network suggests first starting a Facebook page or group, then establishing a consistent meeting day, time and place (if possible) for playgroups. They also have some additional resources for spreading the word and letting more people know about your group, as well as a handy list of already established dad-groups to possibly join.

Point being: it’s so, so important for dads to have opportunities for commiseration, connection, and support. And maybe all it takes to start building these types of relationships is actually seeking them out. It certainly worked for Gonzales.

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