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A letter to my mother-in-law who spoiled my sons

"It's pointless to dwell on regrets, but I often think about how I had it all wrong. I was so wrong in how I perceived your generosity."

three young boys

An open letter on boundaries and respect.


You always stole my thunder. You gave them everything they wanted. You never said no when they asked for anything.

Tina Plantamura's three sons.Tina Plantamura

A second helping of dessert. Candy before dinner. A few more minutes in the bath. Money for the ice cream truck.

I struggled to show you respect and appreciation while trying to make sure you didn't spoil my children. I thought you would turn them into “selfish brats" by giving them everything they wanted. I thought they might never learn to wait, to take turns, to share, because you granted their wishes as soon as they opened their mouths and pointed.

You held each one of my babies long after they fell asleep. Didn't you understand that I needed them to learn to fall asleep on their own?

You ran to them as soon as they made the tiniest sound. How would they ever learn to self-soothe?

I resented you for buying the best and most expensive gifts on their birthdays and on Christmas. How could I possibly compete with you?

"I thought they might never learn to wait, to take turns, to share, because you granted their wishes as soon as they opened their mouths and pointed."

And how they loved afternoons spent with you. You made their favorite things for dinner—three different meals for three different boys. And you always had a little surprise. A present, candy, or a special treat. I didn't want them to associate you with gifts and sweets. I thought they should love you for you. I tried to tell you this, but you wouldn't listen.

I spent a lot of time wondering why you did all these things and how I could get you to ease up. I know grandmothers are supposed to “spoil the kids" then send them home, but you were...ridiculous.

Until you were gone.

I had to hold my boys and tell them that their grandma died. It didn't seem possible—you were supposed to be there for all the other special moments: proms, graduations, weddings. But they lost their grandma too soon and too suddenly. They were not ready to say goodbye.

During those years when I wished you'd stop spoiling them, I never thought about how much you loved them. So much that you showed it in every way possible. Your cooking. The gifts. The candy and sweets. Your presence. The way you could recount every detail of a special moment, whether it was a perfect catch in the outfield or a sweet and slightly off-key note sung at a school concert. Your grandmotherly love for them knew no bounds. Your heart poured love from every place possible—your kitchen, your pocketbook, your words, and your tireless arms.

It's pointless to dwell on regrets, but I often think about how I had it all wrong. I was so wrong in how I perceived your generosity.

My kids, now in their teens, miss you dearly. And they don't miss your gifts or your money. They miss you.

They miss running to greet you at the door and hugging you before you could step in. They miss looking up at the bleachers and seeing you, one of their biggest fans, smiling and enthralled to catch their eye. They miss talking to you and hearing your words of wisdom, encouragement and love.

If I could speak to you one more time, I would tell you that every time a precious moment steals my heart, every time I watch them arrive at a new milestone, and every time they amaze me with their perseverance, talents, or triumphs, I think of you. And I wish that they could have you back.

Come back and love them one last time, like no one else in the world but a grandmother could. Bring your sweets and surprises. Reward them with gifts for the smallest accomplishments. Painstakingly prepare their favorite meals. Take them anywhere they want to go. All and only because you love them.

Come back and see how much they've grown. Watch each boy becoming his own version of a young man. Be in awe with me as we admire how family, friendship, time, and love helped them grow so beautifully over the years.

The more I long for you to come back, though, the more I realize that in a way, you never left.

three teenaged boys

Tina Plantamura's three teenaged sons.

Tina Plantamura

I understand now. I know you loved them in every way you could. I know that being their grandma gave you joy and purpose. And of course I know that you can't come back, but I do know that your love for them will always remain. Your love built them and sheltered them in ways that cannot be described. Your love is a big part of who they are and what they will become as they grow. For this, and for every treat and gift, and every time you held them too long or consoled them too much or let them stay up too late, I will always thank you.

And I will wish a million times that you could do it all again.


This article was written by Tina Plantamura and originally appeared nine years ago.

Planet

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗

It's super easy, no purchase or donation necessary, and you help our oceans! That's what we call a win-win-win. Enter here.

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗
True

Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're bringing back our favorite giveaway with Ocean Wise. You have the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Our recommendation? Celebrate love for all your people this Valentine's Day! Treat your mom friends to a relaxing spa trip, take your best friend to an incredible concert, or enjoy a beach adventure with your sibling! Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner or enjoying a movie night in, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:


  • Go to upworthy.com/oceandate and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.S. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Give mom some relaxation

She’s up before the sun and still going at bedtime. She’s the calendar keeper, the lunch packer, the one who remembers everything so no one else has to. Moms are always creating magic for us. This Valentine’s Day, we’re all in for her. Win an eco-friendly spa day near you, plus a stash of All In snack bars—because she deserves a treat that’s as real as she is. Good for her, kinder to the ocean. That’s the kind of love we can all get behind.


Special thanks to our friends at All In who are all in on helping moms!

2. Jump in the ocean, together

Grab your favorite person and get some much-needed ocean time. Did you know research on “blue spaces” suggests that being near water is linked with better mental health and well-being, including feeling calmer and less stressed? We’ll treat you to a beach adventure like a surfing or sailing class, plus ocean-friendly bags from GOT Bag and blankets from Sand Cloud so your day by the water feels good for you and a little gentler on the ocean too.

Special thanks to our friends at GOT Bag. They make saving the ocean look stylish and fun!

3. Couch potato time

Love nights in as much as you love a date night out? We’ve got you. Have friends over for a movie night or make it a cozy night in with your favorite person. You’ll get a Disney+ and Hulu subscription so you can watch Nat Geo ocean content, plus a curated list of ocean-friendly documentaries and a movie-night basket of snacks. Easy, comfy, and you’ll probably come out of it loving the ocean even more.

4. Dance all day!

Soak up the sun and catch a full weekend of live music at BeachLife Festival in Redondo Beach, May 1–3, 2026, featuring Duran Duran, The Offspring, James Taylor and His All-Star Band, The Chainsmokers, My Morning Jacket, Slightly Stoopid, and Sheryl Crow. The perfect date to bring your favorite person on!

We also love that BeachLife puts real energy into protecting the coastline it’s built on by spotlighting ocean and beach-focused nonprofit partners and hosting community events like beach cleanups.

Date includes two (2) three-day GA tickets. Does not include accommodation, travel, or flights.

5. Chef it up (at home)

Stay in and cook something delicious with someone you love. We’ll hook you up with sustainable seafood ingredients and some additional goodies for a dinner for two, so you can eat well and feel good knowing your meal supports healthier oceans and more responsible fishing.

Giveaway ends 2/15/26 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at upworthy.com/oceandate

arthur c. brooks, harvard, psychology, happiness research, bucket list

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.


bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

This article originally appeared last year.

Joy

Thomas Jefferson coined a hip and funny phrase for abrupt goodbyes that still holds up today

A great phrase for when you've just gotta leave without explanation.

thomas jefferson, goodbye, name is haines, woman waving, us history

Thomas Jefferson and a woman waving.

"Irish goodbye" is a term for when someone slips out of an event without telling anyone, avoiding the awkwardness of announcing their departure. (Though the Irish didn't necessarily invent the phenomenon.) But what do we call it when someone decides to turn tail and leave a situation immediately, without any explanation at all? These days, there doesn't seem to be a name for a sudden, unexpected exit. Back in the 1800s, however, there was one, courtesy of the third president, Thomas Jefferson.

The phrase: "My name is Haines."


This may sound a bit strange, but it all stems from an unusual interaction Jefferson had while in office with a member of the opposition party. According to Monticello.org, The Weekly Picayune originally published the story in New Orleans on February 17, 1840.

The story behind "My name is Haines"

In 1805, during his second term as president, Jefferson was riding near Monticello, his Virginia residence, when he struck up a conversation with another man on the road. Amusingly, the man had no idea who he was speaking to, and as a rank-and-file member of the Federalist Party, which opposed Jefferson's Democratic-Republican Party, he had plenty of harsh words for the president.

monticello, thomas jefferson, jefferson house, virginia, famous houses Thomas Jefferson's Monticello.via Martin Falbisoner/Wikimedia Commons

The Weekly Picayune wrote:

"Haines took particular pains to abuse Mr. Jefferson; called him all kinds of hard names, ran down every measure of his administration, poked the non-intercourse and embargo acts at him as most outrageous and ruinous, ridiculed his gun-boat system as preposterous and nonsensical, opposed his purchase of Louisiana as a wild scheme — in short, took up every leading feature of the politics of the day, and descanted upon them and their originator with the greatest bitterness."

Jefferson simply listened, neither in the mood to argue nor to reveal his identity. When the two arrived at Jefferson's home, the president invited the man inside for refreshments. At one point, the visitor asked the president for his name. Here is how it was reported in The Weekly Picayune:

"Jefferson," said the President, blandly.

"The [devil]! What, Thomas Jefferson?"

"Yes sir, Thomas Jefferson."

"President Thomas Jefferson?" continued the astonished Federalist.

"The same," rejoined Mr. Jefferson.

"Well, my name is Haines!" and putting spurs to his horse, he was out of hearing instantly.

jefferson memorial, tidal basin, washington d.c., historical monuments, american history The Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.via Joe Ravi/Wikimedia Commons

Why did Haines ride off so quickly?

There are many reasons Haines may have decided to bail on the president so abruptly. He was likely embarrassed after bad-mouthing the president to his face and may not have wanted to risk any reprisal for his harsh words. And as someone who harbored deep ill will toward the president, he probably had no interest in entertaining his company. Regardless, "My name is Haines" became a popular phrase after appearing in The Weekly Picayune , and it was used whenever someone wanted to leave a situation suddenly and without explanation.

The phrase would be used until around the Civil War, but by the beginning of the 20th century, it, too, had said goodbye. It faded away rather than vanishing in an instant, as Mr. Haines famously did.

Learning

27 English words people have a hard time enunciating properly, even native speakers

"The word I notice people struggle with is 'vulnerable'. Something about that N following an L is tricky."

enunciate, enunciation, english, words hard to say, hard to pronounce
Image via Canva/Povozniuk

English words that are difficult to enunciate.

The English language is hard to master, even for native speakers. With over an estimated one million words in the language, not only are English words hard to memorize—they can be hard to properly pronounce and enunciate. Getting tripped up with pronunciation can make your communication unclear, or worse—make you sound uneducated.

As American English teacher Vanessa explains, many mispronounced words are common and used in daily conversation due to tricky consonants and vowels in English words. But by knowing the proper pronunciation, it can help you become a more confident speaker, which is why she shared 33 words that are hard for English language learners to pronounce, such as "probably," "drawer," and "sixth."


On the subreddit r/words, a person posed the question: "What's a word you've noticed many native English speakers have difficulty enunciating even though the word is used fairly often?"

Turns out, there are a menagerie of words people notoriously stumble over. These are 27 English words that people say are the hardest to enunciate.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Tricky 'R' words

"The word I notice people struggle with is 'vulnerable'. Something about that N following an L is tricky." - common_grounder

"Rural." - Silent-Database5613

“'Nucular' for nuclear." - throwawayinthe818

"Remuneration v renumeration (first one is correct)." - RonanH69

"February. It sounds like you're pronouncing it like it's spelled Febuary. But it's spelled February." - SDF5-0, ShadedSpaces

"Mirror. Some people pronounce it 'meer'." - weinthenolababy, diversalarums

"Anthropomorphize is a word I have to use semi-frequently with limited success each attempt." - ohn_the_quain

"I can’t say the phrase 'rear wheel' without considerable effort." - ohn_the_quain

"Eraser (erasure, but they're talking about the pink rubber thing)." - evlmgs

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Multiple syllables

"Exacerbated vs exasperated." - SNAFU-lophagus

"'Asterisk'. A lot of people wind up inadvertently name-checking Asterix. I think it's best for those who struggle to use the alternative name for that punctuation mark, the 'Nathan Hale', after the American patriot who famously declared, 'I can only regret that I have but one asterisk for my country!'" - John_EightThirtyTwo

"I realized recently I have always mispronounced mischievous. It's mis-chiv-us, not mis-chee-vee-us. I don't know if I've ever heard anyone pronounce that correctly." - callmebigley"

'Supposebly' [supposedly]. Drives me up the wall." - BlushBrat

"Library. My coworker knows I hate it, so he’ll say Liberry every time." - Jillypenny"ET cetera, not 'ect' cetera. I think people are used to seeing the abbreviation etc and since there is no diphthong tc in English their mind bends it into ect." - AdFrequent4623

"The amount of people who say Pacific when they're trying to stay specific is pretty alarming. I'm not even sure if they know it's a different word sometimes." - Global-Discussion-41

"Then there was my old boss who would confidently and consistently use the word tenant when he meant tenet." - jaelith"

"Probably." - Rachel_Silver

"Contemplate. It's one of those word I hear people stumble over more than anything, often it comes out as Comtemplate, Contempate or a combination of both." - megthebat49

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Foods

"Turmeric. People drop the first R. It drives me nuts!" - Jillypenny

"Oh, and it’s espresso, no X [ex-presso]." - Jillypenny

"Also cardamom with an N." - nemmalur

"Pumpkin (punkin)." - evlmgs

espresso, espresso gif, sipping espresso, espresso drink, drinking espresso sipping modern family GIF Giphy

Awkward vowels

"Crayon 👑. My ex pronounced it 'cran'. Drove me up a wall." - rickulele, premeditatedlasagna

'Mute' for moot. A good friend of mine, who's extremely intelligent and articulate otherwise, says that. Unfortunately, it's a word she likes to use. I haven't had the heart to tell her she's pronouncing it incorrectly, and it's been three decades." NewsSad5006, common_grounder

"Jewelry." - weinthenolababy

"I hear grown adults calling wolves woofs and they're not doing it to be funny." - asexualrhino


This article originally appeared last year.

olympics, athletes, sports, athletics, heartwarming moments, kindness, fathers, dads, fathers and sons, heroes
Canva Photos & Parliament Speakers Limited/Wikimedia Commons

Sprinter Derek Redmond made Olympic history after injuring his hamstring during a semi-finals run in 1992.

Starting in the mid to late 1980s, Derek Redmond was one of Great Britain's top sprinters. One of his greatest accomplishments was helping to guide his team to a shocking victory over the United States at the 1991 World Championships. However, Olympic success eluded him due to injuries that forced him to pull out of the games in 1988.

But 1992 was going to be his year. The summer Olympics were being held in Barcelona and, despite all the surgeries and rehab he went through leading up to the events, Redmond was well-positioned to earn a medal for his country.


In the quarter-finals of the men's 400m sprint, his chosen event, Redmond actually posted a personal best time and easily won his heat. That meant he got to move on to the semi-finals. If he could post a similar time in that trial, he'd be up for medal contention in the finals.

olympics, athletes, sports, athletics, heartwarming moments, kindness, fathers, dads, fathers and sons, heroes The 1992 Olympics were held in Barcelona. Photo by Douglas Schneiders on Unsplash

Redmond's semi-final race got off to a fast start, but with about 250m left to go in the race, tragedy struck. Redmond was spotted on camera slowing up and clutching the back of his right hamstring. It had torn. He was unable to run, and collapsed to the ground in pain. His Olympic dream was over once again.

Redmond was a proud competitor, however, and managed to peel himself off the track. He began to hobble and limp toward the finish line, determined not to earn a "Did Not Finish" disqualification. And that's when an Olympic legend was born.

Redmond's father, Jim, was caught on live television storming the track. Training and security personnel tried to restrain him, but there was no stopping this dad. He made it to his son and gave Derek a shoulder to lean on as both men stumbled toward the finish. Again, security tried to remove Jim, but he waved them off.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

With his father's support, Derek Redmond broke down in a powerful display of emotion. The physical pain likely couldn't compare to the agony of watching his Olympic dream go up in smoke again. Still, the two men pressed on, and yet another Olympic official tried to intervene and was yet again waved off by the determined dad.

Eventually, the Redmonds were able to cross the finish line together to the roar of a standing ovation from the nearly sixty-five thousand spectators watching.

Unfortunately, Derek was still disqualified from the race as he had assistance in finishing. But that official Olympic record does not diminish his accomplishment, which continues to live on as one of the greatest Olympic moments of all time—even being officially recognized by the Olympics as such.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The moment was so powerful because it underscored the sacrifices made by both athletes and their parents. They train their whole lives for often just one opportunity to showcase their skills on the world stage. When it goes wrong, the results can be devastating. Win or lose, the parents are right there with them. Olympic fathers like Jim Redmond make immense sacrifices for their children to be able to chase their dreams, often spending a fortune on equipment and training, giving up career opportunities, family vacations, personal hobbies, friendships, and more to carve out enough time. Famously, gymnast Gabby Douglas spent two years living with a host family across the country from her parents so she could be closer to a top trainer. Other Olympic families spend $60-100,000 per year in training and equipment fees for their budding stars.

All the sacrifice and hope is on display in just this one short clip. The athletic displays at the Olympics are amazing to behold, but what we really fall in love with are the stories of persistence and perseverance, and there's none better than the story of the Redmonds.

Derek Redmond rehabbed relentlessly after his injury but ultimately had to give up running—though he did enjoy a run as a professional basketball player before retiring from athletics altogether. His father, Jim, passed away in 2022, ten years after being honored as a torchbearer for the 2012 Olympics.

coworkers, coworker, coworkers listening, active listening, good listening

Coworkers meet to discuss business.

There are few things scarier than job interviews. Making a strong impression on future employers while letting your personality and professional strengths shine is key to nailing one. And having strong social skills is an essential part of staying confident and composed.

"Social skills, and not just resumes, are vitally important both for job interviews and professional networking," Karol Ward, a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Claim Your Confidence, tells Upworthy.


While finding a new job can be incredibly challenging, feeling secure in your social skills can help you connect with a future employer while conveying your professional strengths and possibly landing you your dream job.

@garyvee

What do you think are the most important qualities in a good employee? Drop your two cents below ⬇️

8 social skills that will make you more employable

These expert-approved tips will help your career:

#1: You're self-aware

Being able to read the room is a strong trait in a good employee.

"This is the skill of attuning and adapting to your environment," Doriel Jacov, a licensed psychotherapist, tells Upworthy. "What this generally means is being able to notice when something you might be saying or doing might be causing a negative reaction in others. Once you notice, you can do quickly reorient yourself."

How to do it:

"This looks like learning to understand others' facial expressions and body language. If someone sighs, they might be getting a little frustrated," explains Jacov. "If someone is looking down and not making eye contact, they might be feeling shame and embarrassment. These are all queues. Once you have a sense of what might be going on in the room, you can pivot in whatever way feels appropriate."

#2: You offer a proper greeting

Your first impression with a potential employer is key.

"These interactions show you value them as people and they are important," Dr. Courtney Cantrell, a licensed clinical psychologist in South Florida, tells Upworthy. "Colleagues will be more inclined to help, encourage you, or work with you if they like you."

How to do it:

"Make eye contact, say warm greetings (hello, good morning, good afternoon, Happy FriYay!), smile," says Cantrell. "And learning the names of everyone you meet and work with regardless of their position."

#3: You practice active listening

Listening is an important part of not just the job itself, but also managing relationships with coworkers and expectations from your boss.

"Active listening means fully engaging with what someone is saying, the nuances, the meta-communication, the meaning in the story underneath the words," Lisa Thomson, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Core Psychology, explains to Upworthy.

How to do it:

"Put away your phone. Make eye contact. When someone finishes speaking, pause for 2-3 seconds before responding, to both signals that you are really taking it in and processing, not just reacting," adds Thomson. "Reflect back to them what you heard in some of their words before responding. This does not mean you are agreeing with everything; it's about making people feel genuinely understood and that you've considered what they have shared before agreeing, critiquing or challenging them."

coworkers, coworker, coworkers listening, active listening, good listening Coworkers actively listening.Photo credit: Canva

#4: You lead with humility

Employers take note of how humble a potential employee is.

"This trait manifests in not only an ability to receive and incorporate feedback, but also an understanding that, when starting a new job, there is a lot to learn," Dr. Melissa Gluck, founder and clinical director at Gluck Psychology Collective, tells Upworthy.

How to do it:

"In an interview, this might look like honestly acknowledging the interviewer's relative expertise through questions," says Gluck. "Once a position is secured, thoughtful question-asking remains important. But, I would also encourage the employee to demonstrate that they are listening through their approach to subsequent tasks."

#5: You regulate emotions under pressure

Remaining composed and managing emotions under pressure is a positive trait in employees.

"This is your ability to manage your nervous system when stakes are high or when you are navigating high stress periods, whether that's a difficult conversation with your boss, a tense client meeting, or conflict with a colleague," says Thomson. "From a neuroscience perspective, when we're dysregulated (anxious, defensive, shut down), our prefrontal cortex goes offline and we can't access our logical thinking brain. Employers need people who can stay resourceful when things get hard, not people who crumble under pressure or lash out."

How to do it:

"Become attuned to your body's stress signals. These may include a tight chest, shallow breathing, racing thoughts," says Thomson. "When you notice them, try what Dr. Andrew Huberman often talks about; use a physiological sigh: two quick inhales through your nose, one long exhale through your mouth. When you truly practice this, it can help calm your nervous system in 90 seconds. We get good at what we practice. Practice this daily so it's automatic when pressure hits."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

#6: You show authentic curiosity

Spending time investing in relationships with coworkers and your boss can make you a better employee.

"This means genuinely wanting to understand someone else's perspective, experience, or expertise," explains Thomson. "In workplaces, people who ask thoughtful questions, make eye contact and listen calmly with interest stand out because they're rare. This skill builds relationships faster than any small talk because it makes people feel valued. It's also how you learn what you don't know, which accelerates your growth."

How to do it:

"Replace 'How are you?' with questions that invite real answers: 'What's been taking up most of your energy lately?' or 'What's one thing going better than expected?'" suggests Thomson. "In meetings, ask 'What am I missing?' or 'What would you do differently?' Listen to the answer without defending or explaining. The important piece of this is genuine curiosity. People can tell when you're performing and pretending to be interested in contrast to what it feels like to talk to someone who actually cares. This builds trust and makes you someone people want to work with."

#7: You're reliable

Employers look for trustworthiness in potential employees.

"Just as we want to rely on friends to show up to the gatherings and dinners we plan, employers want to be able to confidently rely on their employees to accomplish tasks and show up to meetings on time," says Gluck.

How to do it:

"I advise reminding yourself of how good it feels when your boss shows this same quality," adds Gluck. "And on a more practical level, implementing a daily routine and upholding a calendar with reminders."

#8: You can "leave your backpack at the door"

According to Thomson, the most underrated skill for potential employees is the ability to "leave your backpack at the door," which means that you consciously transition into your professional role rather than bringing personal challenges and stress into the workplace.

How to do it:

"This is a state management technique: before you start work, take 60 seconds to acknowledge what's happening in your personal life, intentionally set it aside, and get present to what's needed from you professionally," adds Thomson. "Employers value this because it shows you can stay focused and engaged even when life is messy, and it protects both your work performance and your personal boundaries."