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A church put women and LGBTQ people first. Attendance surged.

This church is redefining the relationship between the Black church and queer people.

On a rainy day in Harlem, Rev. Kyndra Frazier, 36, works at her desk at in a quiet office. She’s visibly relaxed, self-aware, and youthful.

Yet her journey to becoming a leader of one of the largest, most historic African American churches in New York City and exuding such confidence wasn’t easy.        


Rev. Frazier was raised in North Carolina. Her family were leaders in the Church of God, so from a young age she found solace and enjoyment in her faith. But her teenage years were conflicted.  

Rev. Frazier is queer — a life the church was starkly against.  

She struggled to reconcile her sexuality and faith, fasting and praying, to no avail. Her parents found out about her queerness while listening in on a phone call between Frazier and her secret girlfriend.

“I recall being ashamed and embarrassed by what they’d heard, Rev. Frazier says. “They let me know that they couldn’t trust me anymore.”    

It took about eight years for her immediate family to accept her. It took even longer for Frazier to realize she could love who she chooses and be a faith-driven person.  

This duality drew Rev. Frazier to First Corinthian Baptist Church (FCBC) and its executive pastor, Rev. Michael A. Walrond, Jr.

Rev. Walrond enjoys preaching in jeans. Photo courtesy of FCBC.

Rev. Waldron, 46, leans into the common themes of Black church identity in his teachings: faith, community, and a dedication to justice.    

Unlike many Baptist clergy, though, Rev. Walrond has extended his message of tolerance and inclusion to a group typically excluded from ministry: the LGBTQ community.

“We as people of color have so many things that we battle with,” Rev. Frazier says. “For many of us, not only are we Black, ... we're also queer. Churches have to do the work that centers those folks and remind them that they’re valid and loved in such challenging times.”  

Rev. Waldron’s progressive nature breathes through every part of the church. Since joining as the executive pastor in 2004, he's surrounded himself with women leaders, a rarity in most churches. His preaching style is casual; he wears jeans — unusual against his suit-and-tie counterparts in Baptist churches around the nation. (He once told The New York Times, “I like being loose when I go out to preach.”)        

But his mannerisms and unique style of preaching connect congregants to the deeper acceptance of each churchgoer in the room. At FCBC, you’re at home, you’re welcome, and nothing — from clothing to sexual orientation — gets in the way of that.

All three of FCBC's Sunday morning services are typically filled to capacity. Photo courtesy of FCBC.

The inclusive efforts have been largely beneficial. FCBC's membership has grown from 350 to 10,000+ people.

Lines of people wrap around the street on Sunday mornings. During the service, gospel music echoes through the white ceilings lined with purple and gold. Churchgoers are each immersed in their own spiritual experiences inside this space that exudes warmth and solidarity.      

It was on a similar Sunday in 2016 that Rev. Frazier came out to the congregation, something nearly unheard of in most religious spaces. For the FCBC’s queer membership, it was especially incredible.

“To see her pronounce who she was openly gay in the pulpit was a huge thing for me to see,” said Olando Charles, a queer member of the church. “If she can make it, so can I.”          

Olando Charles is an active member of FCBC and the HOPE Center. Photo by the author.

Rev. Frazier's visibility in the pulpit likely couldn't have happened without Rev. Walrond constantly striving to bring people of all backgrounds to the church.

While Rev. Walrond's actions aren't surprising to many of his congregants, his outreach — and style of operating a church — are unusual in American church culture: Catholic churches have fired openly gay priests, several churches have removed queer musicians, priests have been fired for vocally supporting LGBTQ rights, and women overall still struggle to be viewed as viable leaders in churches all over the country.

The pastors of FCBC are needed now more than ever.

To reach the most marginalized in the FCBC and Harlem communities, Rev. Waldron opened the HOPE (Healing On Purpose and Evolving) Center to provide free mental health and therapy services.

The HOPE Center is just a few blocks away from FCBC. Photo by the author.

He tapped Rev. Frazier in 2016 to spearhead the organization. The two first met in 2012, and their professional admiration and relationship grew from there.

Before accepting the position, though, Rev. Frazier knew she needed to come out to Rev. Walrond. “He made it clear that it wasn’t an issue,” she says, explaining that Waldron embraced her and saw her sexuality as a gift instead of a problem. He believed she would be able to advocate for the Black, queer people of Harlem who felt unseen in their churches.    

Rev. Frazier continues, “For him to believe in me and trust me to have autonomy to create mental health space was huge and empowering.”  

The center works with those who have experienced or are experiencing religious trauma, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and/or chronic spiritual abuse.

“I remember going to the church and people telling me I didn’t belong,” Tanzania Stone, a queer FCBC member recalls. “It was heartbreaking. I loved God, but they made it out to seem like God didn’t love me because of who I love.”

Stone went through several periods of time when she wasn’t engaged with the church.

“To be a woman of color and to constantly know that you’re being oppressed in society, you want to find refuge in a church,” she explains. “And to go to this place that you’re being told is a refuge, but when they find out who you choose to love, you find out you’re an outcast or an abomination? That hurts.”

Tanzania Stone often participates in FCBC outreach. Photo by the author.

Stone eventually found her place in FCBC and HOPE. “To finally be in a place where I’m being told, no, you are a child of God, you’re worthy of God’s love, it was so liberating,” she told me.

Rev. Frazier says her own experiences with dissenting family members and frustrations in the church motivate her work.  

“My goal here is to create a space for people of color,” she explains. “The stigma has been so great for Black and Brown folks seeking mental health services; this space is truly designated for us.”  

And she says this is just the beginning. A ministry for LGBTQ people — just like there are for men, women, married couples in the faith — is an essential next step to affirming the group.  

Frazier hopes that FCBC will be an example for other churches across the nation because, historically, churches have failed to provide a safe space for queer communities.

Rev. Frazier knows role likely couldn’t have happened 60 years ago (much less 10), given the fraught history of queer people in Black history.

Bayard Rustin — one of the most brilliant and strategic minds of the civil rights movement — was virtually erased from history books about the era because he was gay. Though his influence was often kept behind closed doors, it’s documented that Rustin was one of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s most trusted confidants.

Even outside of the church, the work of queer Black leaders and thinkers such as Audre Lorde and James Baldwin were somewhat ignored and not brought to light in mainstream history until recent years due to pervasive, deep-rooted homophobia.                      

Churches like FCBC are working to change that.

With roughly 79% of Black Americans identifying as Christians — the largest group of Christians in the country — it’s a crucial time for religious organizations in Black communities to support their most vulnerable.      

“We take the teachings of Jesus seriously,” said Rev. Frazier. “Black churches have historically been involved in politically challenging times, and we must continue to do so. We can do that by clothing and feeding others and giving them the support they need to move forward.”

Charles and Rev. Frazier often work together at the church. Photo by the author.

As FCBC continues to grow and find ways to not only be more inclusive, but also more affirming, it’s clear that the pastors aren’t afraid to try ways to include people who’ve previously been left out of communities of faith.      

Rev. Frazier puts it this way: “Understand that working towards inclusion is a matter of who’s growing, not who’s right and who’s wrong. That’s how you move forward.”  

Rev. Frazier is currently fundraising for a documentary called A Love Supreme: Black, Queer and Christian in The South.” You can watch the trailer here and learn how to support the project here.

Joy

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples this week.

5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might think of getting groovy at a nursing home, a french bulldog having a total breakdown in the drive-thru, or maybe even a snack bar company promoting self care. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.


This DWTS dance trend 

If you’ve been watching TV or on the internet this week, you might have seen the viral dance move Dylan Efron and Daniella Karagach performed while on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) last week. The one particular move, where Dylan holds Daniella as she does a mid-air horizontal walk, is going viral with over 8k videos using the sound. Some of my personal favorites include a mom and her baby, two girls or a girl and her cat, proving this dance trend is truly for anyone to try.

All In on Fiber

Speaking of trends, there’s one that really is about going “all in”, it’s called #fibermaxxing. After years of protein being the biggest nutrition trend, it looks like fiber might be taking over. For good reason too, while protein can cause issues with digestion, fiber can lead to better digestion, blood sugar management, weight control and reduced disease risk. Our friends at All In made a video explaining the #fibermaxxing trend. Each All In bar has 6 to 7 grams of fiber , plus they are delicious. Don't take our word for it, though: Click here to try it yourself (for free).

This child's long hair

This creator went all in… on pranking the audience. I don’t want to give away the contents of this video, but let’s just say it’s creative- and it made me quite literally laugh out loud. There are a lot of "momfluencers" out there who make content that uses their children, and as relatable and heartfelt as it is, sometimes a little satire break is worth appreciating.

Two entrepreneurs getting down to business


Lots of people dabble in entrepreneurship. These two went "all in" on helping others learn it. After four years of interviews with CEOs , research, edits, and a Penguin Random House book deal (yes, seriously), their book, Down to Business, has made its way into classrooms and libraries around the world. Now they are teaching other kids that age is not a barrier to entry in entrepreneurship; the earlier you start, the further you can go—and an entrepreneurial mindset will serve you no matter what you do in life.

Bridesmaids who went all in

Last on our list; two bridesmaids who committed to the bit. These ladies went “all in” in their remake of the legendary scene from the movie “Bridesmaids”. If you haven’t seen the original movie, starring Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, this might be your sign.

In the viral TikTok this bride, Caroline, had no idea what was coming when she put on her favorite movie while getting ready for her big day. The fact that she wanted to watch her favorite show before her bridesmaids surprised her, makes this going “all in” surprise all the better.

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic ofv your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change

Can outsider beavers save this dried up river?

It's not easy being a river in the desert under the best of circumstances. The ecosystem exists in a very delicate balance, allowing water sources to thrive in the harsh conditions. These water sources in otherwise extremely dry areas are vital to the survival of unique wildlife, agriculture, and even tourism as they provide fresh drinking water for the people who live nearby.

But man-made problems like climate change, over-farming, and pollution have made a tough job even tougher in some areas. Rivers in Utah and Colorado part of the Colorado River Basin have been barely surviving the extremely harsh drought season. When the riverbeds get too dry, fish and other aquatic creatures die off and the wildfire risk increases dramatically.


About six years ago, one team of researchers had a fascinating idea to restore the health of some of Utah's most vulnerable rivers: Bring in the beavers.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change Beaver on riverbank. Canva Photos

In 2019, master's student Emma Doden and a team of researchers from Utah State University began a "translocation" project to bring displaced beavers to areas like Utah's Price River, in the hopes of bringing it back to life.

Why beavers? Well, it just makes dam sense! (Sorry.)

In all seriousness, beaver dams restrict the flow of water in some areas of a river, creating ponds and wetlands. In drought-stricken areas, fish and other wildlife can take refuge in the ponds while the rest of the river runs dry, thus riding out the danger until it rains again.

When beavers are present in a watershed, the benefits are unbelievable: Better water quality, healthier fish populations, better nutrient availability, and fewer or less severe wildfires.

It's why beavers have earned the title of "keystone species," or any animal that has a disproportionate impact on the ecosystem around them.

beaver, dam, dam building, nature, ecosystem Pbs Nature Swimming GIF by Nature on PBS Giphy

Doden and her team took beavers who were captured or removed from their original homes due to their being a "nuisance," interfering with infrastructure, or being endangered, and—after a short period of quarantine—were brought to the Price River.

Despite the research team's best efforts, not all the translocated beavers have survived or stayed put over the years. Some have trouble adapting to their new home and die off or are killed by predators, while others leave of their own accord.

But sine 2019, enough have stayed and built dams that the team is starting to see the results of the effort. In fact, beaver projects just like this one have been going on all over the state in recent years.

- YouTube youtu.be

The water levels in the river are now the healthiest they've been in years. The fish are thriving and Utah residents are overjoyed with the experiment's results.

According to an early 2025 column in The Salt Lake Tribune (i.e. six years after the beaver translocation began) the revitalization of the Price River has "helped save [our] Utah town."

"A tributary of the Colorado River, the Price River runs through downtown Helper," wrote column authors Lenise Peterman and Jordan Nielson. "On a warm day, you’re likely to find the river filled with tourists and locals kayaking, tubing and fishing along its shore. A decade ago, it was hard to imagine this scene—and the thriving recreation economy that comes with it—was possible."

Of course, it wasn't JUST the beavers. Other federal water cleanup investments helped remove debris, break down old and malfunctioning dams, and place tighter regulations on agriculture grazing in the area that depleted vital plant life.

But the experts know that the beavers, and their incredible engineering work, are the real MVPs.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River Public Domain

In other drying, struggling rivers in the area, researchers are bringing in beavers and even creating manmade beaver dams. They're hoping that the critters will take over the job as the rivers get healthier.

Utah's San Rafael River, which is in bleak condition, is a prime candidate. In one area of the river, a natural flood inspired a host of beavers to return to the area and "riparian habitat along that stretch had increased by 230%, and it had the most diverse flow patterns of anywhere on the river," according to KUER.

It's hard to believe that beavers nearly went extinct during the heyday of the fur trapping industry, and continued to struggle as they were considered nuisances and pests. Now, they're getting the respect they deserve as engineer marvels, and their populations have rebounded due to better PR and conservation programs.

It's about dam time!

This article originally appeared in June.

Joy

71 baby names people love for their unique meanings

"I personally feel the meaning of a name has ~power~."

baby names, baby name, baby names 2025, name meaning, name meanings

Unique baby names with interesting meanings.

Picking a unique baby name based on its meaning is a fun, and pretty practical, approach. With so many beautiful baby names to choose from, looking into the etymology is a solid baby naming strategy that can get you closer to a name that feels right.

Self-proclaimed "name nerds" on Reddit offered their baby name picks based on their interesting definitions. As one parent noted, "I personally feel the meaning of a name has ~power~ and I want my kid to feel bad*ss when they learn theirs."


These are 71 of the most unique baby names based on their meanings.

@writing_on_boards

Name meanings series! Feel free to comment your names, and I’ll use it for a video! 🫶🏼💗⭐️ #fyp #whiteboard #asmr #satisfying #name #namemeaning #marker #handwriting #classroom

Girl Names

"Ylva: she wolf." - penguinsfrommars

"Ursa: she bear." - penguinsfrommars

"Torvi: thunder." - penguinsfrommars

"Matilda: powerful in battle." - penguinsfrommars

"Sophie: wisdom." - penguinsfrommars

"Branwen: white raven." - penguinsfrommars

"Eira: snow." - penguinsfrommars

"Stella: means star, but also the tough, no nonsense fairy from Winx Club :D." - User Unknown

"Alexandra: strength and defend." - User Unknown

"Victoria: winner, plus literary connotations." - User Unknown

"Beatrice : one who brings joy." - User Unknown

"Avery: wise." - User Unknown

"Margaret: pearls (which are beautiful, but also very tough, and are formed by clams as a defense to threats)." - User Unknown

"Lana: calm as still waters [Hawaiian]." - User Unknown

"Amanda: worthy of love." - User Unknown

"Elizabeth: God is my oath." - User Unknown

"Seraphina: fiery one." - User Unknown

"Leona: lioness." - moonsugar6

"Liana: vines." - moonsugar6

"Gaia: earth." - moonsugar6

"Evren: cosmos, universe." - moonsugar6

"Asteria: star." - moonsugar6

"Aveline: hazelnut, desired." - moonsugar6

"Talvi: winter." - moonsugar6

"Irene: peace." - moonsugar6

"Lola: sorrows." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Jemima: dove." - Intrepid_Source_7960

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Guinevere: white wave [Welsh]." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Selene: moon goddess." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Talia: gentle dew from heaven." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Evanthe: good flower." - moonsugar6

"Ida: industrious one." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Emma: whole, universal." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Simone: one who hears God, hearkening." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Winifred: peaceful friend." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Abigail: father's joy." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Adelaide: noble natured." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Adina: gentle, mild." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Celeste: heavenly." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Eleanor: light-hearted, shining light." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Josephine: shall grow." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Louisa: famous warrior." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Marceline: young warrior." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Mirabel: wondrous, of wondrous beauty." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Salome: peace." - KhaleesiofNZ

Boy Names

"Arthur: bear." - shaboogami

"Bran: raven." - penguinsfrommars

"Ambrose: immortality." - penguinsfrommars

"Arcturus: guardian of the bear - this is actually the name of a star, but I personally think it would make a good boys name." - penguinsfrommars

"Alfred: elf-counsel." - penguinsfrommars

"Morgan: sea chief or sea bright." - penguinsfrommars

"Norbert: means 'bright north', also my grandfather’s name." - _opossumsaurus

"Lionel: the little lion." - User Unknown

"Isaac: one who laughs/rejoices." - User Unknown

"Silas: man of the forest." - User Unknown

"Leander: lion man." - moonsugar6

"Todd: fox." - moonsugar6

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Darby: free from envy." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Baldwin: bold friend." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Ronan: little seal." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Douglas: black water." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Odin: inspiration." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Ezra: helper." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Orson: bear cub." - moonsugar6

"Silvan: forest." - moonsugar6

"Stellan: calm." - moonsugar6

"Evander: good man." - moonsugar6

"Alden: old friend." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Asher: happy." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Franklin: landowner of free not not noble origin." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Lucas: bringer of light." - KhaleesiofNZ

Pets

10-year-old girl walks into police station and brings officers to tears with 2 simple words

She's been handing out handwritten cards to officers all over the country ever since.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness

A 10-year-old has been handing out Thank You cards to police officers across the country for years.

10-year-old Savannah Solis knew she had to do something. Per KHOUN, the girl from Tyler, Texas had heard the tragic news that two local police officers in New York had been murdered. The news, all the way back in 2015, brought her to tears.

Solis knew that, as a kid, there wasn't much she could do, to stop the bad guys, to make the world safer. But she dreamed of one day being a police officer herself and being able to help. As a 5-year-old, Solis says her mother had a heart attack and the first person to arrive and offer help was a police officer. She never forgot that officer's kindness and bravery.


Savannah’s mom, Debbie, recalled the immense love and support the girl had for police officers all over the world. Inspired and mesmerized by their line of duty, she hoped and wished only the best for each of them. “We would drive by and see them stopping somebody and in the backseat she would pray, asking God to take care of them,” the mom recounted.

In the meantime, she wanted the heroes in her own community to know that she cared. So she decided to write personal letters. Hundreds of them.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness a piece of paper with a heart drawn on it Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

Her letters had two words recurring each time, “Thank you.”

Furthermore, the girl explained as best as she could what their service meant to her and how grateful she was to them for saving lives.

During her Christmas break, the girl went all out making these letters and posting them—she even delivered a few personally to police departments all over Texas.

“You are my heroes. I want to say don’t stop, please don’t give up. Many do not care or appreciate the sacrifices you make every day. But I do,” the girl remarked. Savannah added a note of inspiration which read, “Many are standing with me today to let you know that you matter. Officers across Texas, you matter to me. Officers in New York City, you matter to me. Officers all across America, you matter to me. Please keep taking care of us.”

One of Solis' deliveries was caught on video, per KXAN, where officers were moved to tears by her gesture.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She went about taking autographs of as many officers as she could. Debbie noted that her daughter didn’t want celebrity or artist autographs but those of the cops. All the officers are seen shaking hands and getting teary-eyed as they read the cards colored and highlighted with the title, “My hero.”

Austin Police Department Assistant Chief Jessica Robledo felt proud of the girl’s gesture and of the fact that their role was so valued in someone’s eyes.

“The words she spoke from her heart touched every single officer. I noticed everyone was trying to blink back tears. That’s what it’s all about. She is an old soul. She knows the right thing to say and I don’t think she even realizes the impact of her words on these officers and this department,” she remarked.

That was 10 years ago. As Solis grew up, she continued her personal outreach to police officers all over the country, letting them know that their bravery was appreciated.

She visited a precinct in Manchester, New Hampshire as recently in 2021 where she brought cards to the officers, met the K9 dogs, and was introduced to the police horses as well. Commenters were blown away that Solis was continuing the gesture after so many years.

"Savanna. Officers need that inspiration with everything going on today. You're remarkable for doing this."

"Amazing young lady right, thank you Savannah I appreciate all your efforts to show your appreciation for our men, woman, dogs and horses in blue"

"What an amazing young woman thank you for sharing this post and thank you for your service to our city. And all the law enforcement officers all over the Country."

Bravo, Savannah!

This article originally appeared in July. It has been updated.

Joy

Single woman exposes harsh double-standard with 'self-centered' married friends

“Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories.”

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, hugging

An annoyed woman hugging another woman.

Ashanti Bentil-Dhue, a 36-year-old advocate for single women, to keep them “Rooted. Regulated. Resourced,” released a viral TikTok video on November 4 where she points out a double standard she believes exists in friendships between married and single women. Ashanti says single women who are always there for their married friends shouldn't expect the same in return.

“We're meant to support them through all of the life events that they experience: pregnancy, proposals, engagements, destination weddings. But rarely, if ever, do married women really allocate time and investment into their single friends' life events, whether that's a promotion, a career move, a moving home, travelling, any other achievement that isn't related to a man, isn't related to procreation,” Ashanti says.


Ashanti recounted a time when she travelled to another country to see a friend, but the whole time, she was preoccupied with her child. She adds that married women are only interested in hearing about her dating ups and downs and don't care about her professional pursuits.

@unpunishablewoman

Do married women invest in their single female friends?

Are married women self-centered?

“Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories. Just because we might not be married, just because we might not be occupied with motherhood necessarily, it doesn't mean we've got endless free time whereby you can pick and choose if you want to call, text, check up on us,” Ashanti says.

The post, which received nearly 300,000 views, resonated with Ashanti’s followers. “Single and child-free women have to sacrifice for the ‘community,’ but the community never gives back,” a commenter wrote. “That’s why I stopped sharing my vulnerabilities with my married friends as I realised it was more a source of entertainment than actual care,” another added. “And we’re not ‘allowed’ to be tired. Because how can we be really tired when we don’t have kids?” a commenter wrote.

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, women on couch A woman looking annoyed.via Canva/Photos

Upworthy reached out to Amy Armstrong, Conflict Resolution Specialist and Co-Parent Coach at The Center for Family Resolution, to get her thoughts on the TikTok, and she has a common-sense approach to dealing with friends who have “changed” after getting married or having children.

How to react when a friend sidelines you

“When someone suddenly sidelines you, treats you like the ‘backup friend,’ or expects you to bend your life around theirs, you’re not seeing a new version of them. You’re seeing their actual capacity for friendship when life gets demanding,” Armstrong told Upworthy. “Real friends stay real through every season. Fair-weather friends fall off the minute their world expands beyond you.”

So how should people react when they feel their friends have sidelined them? “If someone makes you feel disposable, you’re not losing a friend. You’re losing a role you were never meant to play,” Armstrong continued. “Your job isn’t to fix someone’s selfishness. It’s to redirect your energy toward people who know how to be friends.”

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, hugging An annoyed woman hugging another woman.via Canva/Photos

Armstrong also suggested some boundaries people can use when single people feel they are having a one-way friendship with their married friends.

Here are responses that stay bright, centered, and grounded:

Friendly boundary

“I’m looking for friendships that go both ways. I’m all in when you are, hopefully soon!"

Light boundary

“I get you’re overwhelmed. I’m keeping things balanced on my end. We can reconnect when it feels good for both of us.”

Ultimately, Armstrong notes that friendships can be transient, and we don’t need to give our time and emotional energy to people who aren't doing the same for us. “You don’t have to diagnose selfish friends or tolerate them. You don’t have to fight. You don’t even have to be mad. Friends are friends are friends—or they’re not. The ones who show up, stay. The ones who don’t make room for you don’t deserve front-row seats in your life.”

glass sniper, 1990s internet, aol, america online, modems, telephones, '90s nostalgia
via TheGlassSniper/TikTok and 30pin Pictures/Flickr

This one sound separates the "old" from "young" generations.

It's easy to separate groups of people by age and by generation. There's a line somewhere between Gen X and Millennials, for example — somewhere around the year 1996. But that's not specific enough to really separate the distinctive cultural environments in which we all grew up.

To wit, a popular TikToker known as The Glass Sniper is going viral with a video that struck a chord with people who remember the early days of the Internet. In the video, he teases a specific sound that was everywhere before it suddenly disappeared into the collective memory of those born before the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.


“There is only one sound in this entire world that will forever separate the old generation from the new one,” Glass Sniper said in the viral video.

“'For when the new generation hears it, they'll have no idea what we're talking about. But when the old generation hears it… We cringe!” The sound, of course, is the squeak of a dial-up modem connecting with an Internet service provider or ISP, as they were known back in the day.

The more nostalgic the sound makes you feel, the more closely the sound identifies your age. Boomers and older Gen X certainly know the noise and remember it, but only people who came into prime Internet-using age around 1998 feel it in their very bones.

@theglasssniper

New year. New Generation. What year is the line drawn? Lol

You either remember it well, or you weren't around for it. There is no inbetween. The screeching, squealing sound is so deeply etched in the memories of people who grew up in the early-Internet era that there is no forgetting it.

The sound is known as a "handshake," where your modem tries to exchange data with a far-away server. It's unknown why us poor users had to actually hear it, but that's the way it happened in the '90s.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

One of the biggest problems with dial-up internet was that if you were online, no one in your home could use the phone, which caused some big domestic problems. Also, if you used a long-distance phone number for your dial-up number, you could be in for a hefty phone bill.

"I can hear my mom yelling 'IM ON THE PHONE!'" — MacksMom1990 wrote in the comments. "Followed by...You've got mail," DawnMichel added. "I can already hear my sister yelling at me to get off the computer so she can call her friend," Uncle B wrote.

"I figured it would be that sound, or the sound that the tv made after there no more tv shows at night ( when they showed the colour palette)," Isabellers Unniers wrote. "That sound reminds me of the time when I didn’t have to worry about anything, no stress (other than that damn noise) or anything," That_silver300 added. "The way my head popped up like a damn meerkat when I heard it..." MagnusDavis345 commented."

aol, america online, aol disc, hard disc, 1990s, '90s nostaligia, you've got mail An old America Online disc. via\u00a0Karl Baron/Flickr

For those of you who don't remember the early days of dial-up modems, in the mid-'90s, America Online (or AOL) was the most popular internet service provider, and it offered chat features, web browsing, and email, all in one package. Its chat rooms allowed people to connect anonymously with others in real-time, and, at that time, no one had photos, so you had to trust that the person was who they said they were.

In 1999, AOL grew to over 18 million subscribers and was the largest internet provider in the country. However, after a merger with Time Warner, dubbed "one of the worst mergers in history," in 2001 and the development of broadband internet, AOL's dial-up services quickly became a dinosaur.

glass sniper, 1990s internet, aol, america online, modems, telephones, '90s nostalgia Brittany Murphy in the 90s. Giphy

Although they’re uncommon, people still use dial-up modems. For some comparison, in 2002, 55 million people in the U.S. used dial-up internet, but that number quickly dropped to 51 million in 2003. As of September 2023, 400,000 people in the U.S. still have dial-up internet.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.