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A beautiful letter from Ronald Reagan to his son in '71 is decades ahead of its time in tackling toxic masculinity.

A beautiful letter from Ronald Reagan to his son in '71 is decades ahead of its time in tackling toxic masculinity.
via Michael Evans / Wikimedia Commons

The modern American conservative movement was born sometime around 1980 with the Reagan Revolution. While running for president in 2008, Barack Obama perfectly summed up how Ronald Reagan forever altered America’s political climate:

I think they felt like with all the excesses of the 1960s and 1970s and government had grown and grown but there wasn't much sense of accountability in terms of how it was operating. I think that people... he just tapped into what people were already feeling, which was we want clarity, we want optimism, we want a return to that sense of dynamism and entrepreneurship that had been missing.

However, since Donald Trump arrived on the political scene, the Republican Party has changed so fundamentally in message, tone, and policy, that it bares little resemblance to what was known for four decades as the Party of Reagan.

Many of Trump’s policies stand in direct conflict with those of Reagan, including: relationships with allies, trade policy, immigration, gun control, friendliness with Russia, and freedom of the press.

On a personal level, Reagan’s cool, sunny optimism — deemed by many of his detractors as aloofness and naivete — stands in direct contrast with Trump’s petulance.

The Republican Party’s embrace of Trump, even after he was caught on tape bragging about how he grabbed “women by the pussy” against their will, marked a 180-turn from Reagan who said that politics and morality, derived from religion, were “inseparable.”

In 1971, Reagan wrote a letter to his 26-year-old son, Michael, on the eve of his wedding, and it's a perfect example of how he viewed women differently than Trump.

In the letter, Reagan calls out men who brag about sexual conquests outside of their marriages. He refers to this type of talk disparagingly as “locker-room stories” a phase similar to the one conservatives would use to excuse Trump’s rape-brags.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn't know won't hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy excuse of where he was till three A.M., a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of this relationship disappears.

[rebelmouse-image 19398173 dam="1" original_size="906x517" caption="via Wikimedia Commons" expand=1]via Wikimedia Commons

The letter is also a great example of why Reagan was known as the “Great Communicator.” It’s a tender letter about the importance of being true to your spouse and a warning against falling into the temptation of equating masculinity with sexual conquests.

Here’s the entire letter.

Michael Reagan

Manhattan Beach, California

June 1971

Dear Mike:

Enclosed is the item I mentioned (with which goes a torn up IOU). I could stop here but I won't.

You've heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the "unhappy marrieds" and cynics. Now, in case no one has suggested it, there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn't know won't hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy excuse of where he was till three A.M., a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of this relationship disappears.

There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out.

Sure, there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade, but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life.

Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn't take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music.

If you truly love a girl, you shouldn't ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.

Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

Love,

Dad

P.S. You'll never get in trouble if you say "I love you" at least once a day.
Culture

A guy definitively listed the 12 things that make men happy and it's 100% accurate

Guys literally only want one thing and it's a cool stick.

Nolan Reid / TikTok

There's an old joke slash meme that goes something like this: "Guys literally only want one thing and it's disgusting." Its used to imply, obviously, that men are shallow and crude creatures. TikTok creator and simple-life advocate Nolan Reid, however, has a different idea of what men really want.

Nolan recently made a video about "Little things in life that make men happy."

The hilarious list includes:

  • A fridge full of beer.
  • Drinking said beer in the garage. With your dog. And a good buddy.
  • Finding a cool stick.
  • Kicking a rock.
  • Staring at water.
  • Dropping rocks into said water.

As a fellow man, I would say: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

It really doesn't take much! Watch Nolan's full video to see the rest, and just appreciate how much joy and satisfaction he gets from these simple thing.



@nolanreid7 A few of many #littlethings #muzzymade ♬ It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over - Lenny Kravitz


People loved Nolan's list – so much so that they began adding their own ideas of "simple things men love."

The video racked up hundreds of thousands of views across TikTok and Instagram.

One commenter wrote, "He just described my whole personality." Another added, "This guy gets it."

Others chimed in with their own additions to the list, like staring at a fire for hours. Or just peace and quiet.

But most of the nearly 200 comments were just people chiming in to say one thing:

"Hell yeah."

Finally, someone who understands us.

Nolan's ultra-relaxed vision of "masculinity" is honestly so refreshing.

Men on social media are usually bombarded with the Andrew Tates and Jordan Petersons of the world, influencers who constantly berate us to make more money, lose weight and add muscle, sleep with more women, take charge, relentlessly self-improve.

I like Nolan's much chiller idea of masculinity. It reminds me of being a kid, taking pleasure in the simple things, not racing to be anywhere, not trying to impress anyone or prove anything.

Nolan's entire account is a breath of fresh air, an antidote to hustle culture. His videos find joy in:

  • Breaking down cardboard boxes
  • Driving at sunset
  • Going fishing
  • Throwing a frisbee
  • Wearing t-shirts
A daily visit to his page is almost like a meditation. I highly recommend giving him a follow to add a little counterprogramming to your social media feed.

Nolan says in another recent video that he started making TikToks and Instagram reels just for fun, but discovered along the way that he was really passionate about the message.

"I never thought that my simple living and love for little things would resonate with so many of you."

He said he hopes to inspire people to "take a step back and enjoy the good simple things in life."

I suddenly have the urge to go chuck a rock into a river, so I would say: Mission Accomplished!

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

People are sharing the parenting trends that absolutely ‘need to end now’

Here are 21 of the best responses.

via Pexels

Not all trends in parenting are a good thing.

It’s tough to quantify whether today’s parents are stricter or more permissive than previous generations, but the overall sentiment seems to be that parents are more lenient than they were a few decades back.

A 2015 poll by YouGov found that younger Americans are more likely than their elders to have been raised by “not very strict” or “not at all strict” parents. Thirty-nine percent of under-30s say that their parents weren't very strict or not strict at all, compared to only 15% of over-65s.

Nicola Kraus, author of The Nanny Diaries, believes that it’s a natural outgrowth of the fact that we know a lot more about children than we did in the past.

“We are deeply aware that our children are cognizant, conscious humans in a way previous generations weren't aware. Children were treated like pets or, worse, release valves for their parents' stresses and fears, then expected to magically transform into healthy, functional adults,” she writes.

But this change in parenting has encouraged other trends that many think are creating a greater number of entitled young adults who can’t fend for themselves. These days we have helicopter parents, bulldozer parents, and dependent parents whose overinvolvement in their children’s lives renders them incapable of becoming fully integrated adults.

Reddit user u/qquackie asked the online forum,"What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?" and got an overwhelming number of responses from people who think that today's parents are raising entitled children. Many of the responders think that parents are being too sensitive with their children and they don’t provide firm boundaries. They also think it’s a big problem for kids to think they’re the center of the universe.

Here are 21 of the most popular responses to the parenting question.

1. Pretending that not parenting is parenting

"I won't tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!' — StoicDonkey

2. ​Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions

"They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle." — IAmRules

3. Fake “gentle parenting”

"You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions." — candianuk

4. Not setting clear boundaries

"You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences." — NorthWeight3580

5. The “bulldozer” parent

"The parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great." — spinefexmouse

6. Stage-mom syndrome

"Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society." — sweettooth_92

7. Nonstop supervision

"Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?" — ansibley

8. Not believing the teacher

"'My kid never lies to me.' Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing." — jdith123

9. "No talking back!"

"If this also counts... Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're 'talking back.' I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?" — EntryRepresentative5

10. Helicopter parenting

"Kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside on a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom." — Cat_Astrophe_X

11. Pushing them too hard

"Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once." — Oh-Oh-Ophelia

12. Tablets in public

"Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places." — StarrCreationsLLC

13. Potty training too late

"Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this. One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues. What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty. Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers. My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now." — cleaning-meaning

14. Kids on social media

"Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles." — AJSK18

15. Too much structure

​"I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!" — hausfrau224

16. Tablet addiction

"Constantly giving your kid(s) a tablet or cellphone to keep them busy because you can't be bothered to actually be a parent or pay attention to them." — ZRuneDemonX

17. Letting the kid make all the choices

"I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way." — cihojuda

18. Silence

"Saying 'what goes on in this house, stays in this house.' I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase." — Dixie_Maclant

19. Birthdays

"The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid. When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games. Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right? Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements." — littlebunsenburner

20. Parent, not friend

"Trying to be your kid's 'friend,' not a parent. A parent is there to provide guidance and responsible behavior to model. Yes, sometimes making their actions have consequences and setting boundaries can be difficult and they'll not be too happy with you. That's part of the job. Ultimately I think that will result in a healthier relationship than being the "cool" permissive parent. I've seen results of that style of (not) parenting with very sad outcomes." — DataPlenty

21. You're not special

"Perpetuating the myth that one's children are somehow special. With about 97% certainty, they are not. Teaching them that they are just sets them up for crushing disappointment down the road. It's far better to raise kids to believe they are ordinary people with a few gifts, but also some flaws and weaknesses." — AssistantToTheSensei


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Professor accidentally starts viral online university that anyone can attend free of charge

What was meant to be an introduction to her actual class turned into a movement.

Photo credit: Canva

College professor accidentally starts free online university

Everybody has an embarrassing moment or two in their lifetime. It's impossible to be human and not make a hilariously embarrassing mistake but it's not every day that a humorous blunder turns into something that could be life changing for others. Recently a college professor, Dr. Leah Barlow created an introduction video for her class TikTok account.

But instead of her sharing it to her page privately, it went out in the main TikTok universe where strangers started asking questions. You know, all the normal questions a professor might receive, "where can I find the syllabus," "how do I access the discussion board." Except these weren't her students, these were just random people who saw her introduction on their For You Page and were determined to make a good grade.

"Hello everyone and welcome to introduction to African American Studies for the spring semester. My name is Dr. Leah Barlow. It is cold outside but I really wanted to quickly get on and just show my face, introduce myself, share a little bit about me and the course ahead of your homework being due tomorrow and whatever else I post over the remaining of the semester," Dr. Barlow says in her now viral video.


She goes on to explain how the class works including that she teaches the class chronologically backwards starting with recent moments in history first. The class is informed that their grade is made up of quizzes, discussion board posts, midterm and final exams. The formality didn't deter people on TikTok from assuming she was offering a free course so they introduced themselves in the comments along with asking how to properly participate.

This is when the good doctor using TikTok to connect with her Gen Z students realizes her faux pas. She set her page to private and removed everyone that wasn't actually registered for her college level course without realizing she started a movement. Many people think of TikTok as this app for teenagers to do dances and create silly trends, but there are a lot of highly educated professionals on the app. They saw the interest people had in learning and decided to offer their own courses for free.


Many of the people offering courses are current or former college professors, teachers or experts in their field. Several of the creators possess a PhD, doctorate or a master's degree and they quickly put together classes complete with a syllabus and reading lists. Within just a few days of Dr. Barlow's accidental TikTok introduction, the creators had organized to form a centralized online unaccredited university, completely free.

The "official" name of the university is HillmanTok University, the mascot is a black panther and there's already a administration to help enrollment run smoothly. There will be no fancy acceptance letter or dorm decor to shop for, and getting enrolled is as easy as following the instructor of the class you'd like to take on TikTok. Some professors are utilizing TikTok live for instruction and discussions while others are using Zoom, Google Meet, Patreon or Substack. The instructors are mindful of the cost of learning so much of the material they list is free online or through a local library.


Thousands have flocked to "register" for classes through HillmanTok University with so many registering it crashed the Discord server that is used for study groups, advising, tutoring and more. The classes are open to anyone interested in learning, with some professors handing out grades. You may be curious about the course selection. It's extensive and you can view the list on a Google Doc that lists over 100 classes.

Students of HillmanTok University can take classes ranging from Personal Finance 101 to Intro to Pilates. There are Spanish classes for non native speakers, American Sign Language classes, as well as classes on emotional regulation. There's a class for just about everyone, and yes they're free. There may be a few instructors that put their classes behind a paywall on a site like Patreon but overwhelmingly many are simply volunteering their time.


The reception to this impromptu university has been extremely positive from those that have higher education and those that have always wanted to go to college but couldn't. In fact, the reception has been so positive that Dr. Barlow is now also offering to teach a free version of her course at HillmanTok University.

This just goes to show that when people put their minds to something, they can create magic, and those who want to learn will find a way. Good luck to the inaugural spring semester of HillmanTok University. You may not walk away with a degree, but the knowledge, community and experience you'll gain will be something to carry with you forever.

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Women's Health

Naomi Watt's awkward 'menopause patch' sex story is both hilarious and enlightening

Naomi Wats really is the best.

The Drew Barrymore Show/TikTok

More candid conversations like this, please.

Unless you’re a 40ish+ woman going through it, or maybe a medical student with a specialization in female biology, menopause remains mostly a mystery. Sure, we all know about hot flashes, no more periods, something about hormones, but other than that…what? Not much, that’s what.

Which is why anytime someone actually shares about their experience—the good, the bad, the awkward, and everywhere in between—it can, no joke, feel like a monumental discovery/about the human condition. Take, for instance, when actress Naomi Watts recently got candid about her first attempt at sexy time with her husband Billy Crudup while going through “the change.” Spoiler alert: it’s hilarious. And also pretty damn enlightening.

File:Naomi Watts 2012.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org

For context: Watts was appearing on The Drew Barrymore Show to promote her new book Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I'd Known About Menopause, which details much of her menopause journey, including trying to start a family age of 36, after being told she was perimenopausal. Watts also recalled her mom, who had herself gone into early menopause at 45, saying that she never had conversations on this topic with her own mom. “It was just the societal message that was passed from generation to generation that we suffer in silence."

All this to say, Watts is clearly on a mission to stop the secrecy. Hence why she wrote the book, and why she shared her “embarrassing” sex story involving a couples of menopause patches, which can help alleviate certain menopause symptoms…but spoil the mood, apparently.

As she told Barrymore, she was “mortified because I had my patch on. If anyone’s ever worn a patch, you know that they’re very sticky, the adhesive takes ages to get off.”

"In fact, my first doctor that told me to wear the patch said just use car oil, that'll be fine. And I'm like, 'I don't want to use car oil on my body,’” she added.

She later mentioned that she actually had “a couple of them on both sides,” which only made things more difficult. Even the patches she succeeded in removing left a "nasty mark.” Fun.

At one point, the struggle escalated so much that Watts “excused myself, ran off to the bathroom and panicked, like, ‘What am I gonna do? And I’m scratching away…”

Naomi Watts While Were Young GIF by A24Giphy

That’s when Crudup finally asked “‘Are you okay, are you not in the mood?’”

Reenacting her embarrassment during the moment, Watt’s held her head in her hand and said, “I have this patch and I’m wearing it and it leaves this… I’m old, should I just leave?”

Much to Crudup’s credit, his response was perfect. "I was trying my best to apologize and I was shrinking and he was like, ‘We’re the same age. We're the same age. What is this? This is science. How can I help?’"

That’s when Barrymore, and the audience, collectively awwed. "Now you're melting. That's what happened to me,” said Watts.

And here’s where Watts really drove the message home.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"It's freeing. It's so freeing. Truth can be so liberating. People fear that when they get to this point that the sex is gonna be over, and for some, it is true that your libido goes down. You can get support for things like that. But I just encourage women to get the communication going. Be honest, tell them what you're going through. Most of the time people wanna help."

Finally, she added, "Don't carry the secret or the shame by yourself."

And that’s really the crux of it all. There’s actually nothing shameful about menopause. It is, as Crudup put it, science. It’s just another chapter of life. And the more we communicate about it, the more we understand about it, and the more we understand about it, perhaps the more we can appreciate about it. Awkward sex moments and all.




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