upworthy
Family

9 things to know about kids in foster care. Plus an unforgettable view into their lives.

Foster care is a nightmare for some kids and their foster parents. For others, it's a blessing.

foster care, foster care facts, zoe removed
Image via Nathaniel Matanick

A clip from "ReMoved Part Two"



Zoe's story, "Removed," has been seen by millions of people.

It was previously shared by my amazing Upworthy colleague Laura Willard. We got just a tiny taste of what it was like for kids in foster care, right after being removed. Specifically, a little girl named Zoe and her little brother Benaiah.

My wife and I, foster parents for the past year, even shared the original with our adoption worker, who passed it along to the entire agency and, then, it took off like wildfire among those people as well.

This is part 2 of that story, and it hits hard.

(Yes, the video's on the long side at about 20 minutes. But it's worth the watch to the end.)

She describes her life as a cycle, interrupted by a tornado. She's a foster child. I don't think I need to say any more.

So ... let's accompany that with 9 uncomfortable — but enlightening — facts below. There are only nine bolded, but within those headers, there are several more facts.

1. There are an estimated 400,000 kids in foster care right now.

Some are awaiting adoption. Some will go back to their parents. Others will age out or, sometimes, run away.

2. Foster kids can suffer from PTSD at almost two times the rate of returning veterans.

And PTSD can mimic a lot of other mental illnesses, and it can manifest as nightmares, flashbacks, fight-or-flee responses, anger outbursts, and hyper-vigilance (being on "red alert" at all times), among other symptoms.

Image via Nathaniel Matanick.


3. The average age of a foster child is 9 years old.

They're just on that edge of childhood, and chances are, it's been a pretty messed up childhood at that. Trauma does that.

4. About half of all foster kids are in non-relative foster homes.

8% are in institutions, 6% are in group homes, and only 4% are in pre-adoptive homes. Read that again — only 4% are in pre-adoptive homes.

5. Some of foster children experience multiple placements. In some cases, eight or more.

That's eight homes that they move into — and out of. And just consider ... that means they lose not just adults and other kids with whom they are establishing a bond, but friends, schoolmates, pets.

Clip via Nathaniel Matanick


6. The average foster child remains in the system for almost two years before being reunited with their biological parents, adopted, aging out, or other outcomes.

8% of them remain in foster care for over five years. Of the 238,000 foster kids who left the system in 2013, about half were reunited with parents or primary caregivers, 21% were adopted, 15% went to live with a relative or other guardian, and 10% were emancipated (aged out).

7. In 2013, more than 23,000 young people aged out of foster care with no permanent family to end up with.

And if you add that up, year after year, hundreds of thousands of foster youth will have aged out of the system. What does that look like? "You're 18. You've got no place to live and no family. Good luck — buh-bye now!" One-quarter of former foster kids experience homelessness within four years of exiting the system.

8. Foster "alumni" (those who have been in foster homes and either adopted, returned to parents, or aged out) are likely to suffer serious mental health consequences.

They are four-five times more likely to be hospitalized for attempting suicide and five-eight times more likely to be hospitalized for serious psychiatric disorders in their teens.

Based on that set of statistics alone, it's in the public's interest (ignoring, for a second, the interests of those kids) to help them through their lot in life and spend resources making it all work much better for everybody before it gets to that point. Right?

So there's a lot to be angry about in this whole messed up situation. But this next thing? My blood boils.

What's one of the biggest risk factors in families whose children are placed in foster care?

Your guess?

Cruelty?

Drugs?

Sexual abuse?

Neglect?

The answer is ...

9. Poverty

Together with homelessness and unemployment, it's a main contributing factor. It happens all the time. The fact that it's far easier for a parent to be accused and investigated for neglect or abuse because of simple things like lack of access to a vehicle, or a working refrigerator, or the ability to get a kid to a doctor's appointment — that has a lot to do with this. Tie that to the link between drug abuse and poverty and between poverty and child abuse ... well, you can see where this is going.

And in a country where one-third of children are living in poverty (hint: the good ol' U.S. of A.), imagine how that affects the number of kids being removed and placed into foster care.

I'll end this with a bit of hope through my story.

My kids went through something a lot like the kids in the clip above before they came to live with us. We've been through the ringer in ways that we're going to have to talk about one day because it's not just that the kids have been challenging — they have — it's that the system itself has been more challenging.

The entire system — from agencies to government entities to social workers to even the schools — seems like it's designed to fail these kids and the families who are attempting to help. It's almost designed not to work. There, I said it.

But that doesn't mean we won't fight to make it better for everybody. We most definitely will.

Image from a photo by my wife, Robin.

As for us, we're just a few weeks away from becoming the legal parents to these kids, and we're extremely happy to be right here, making it happen. And they seem quite happy to be our kids. Along the way, we fell in love with them, and we can't imagine life without them.

But to be totally honest ... if we'd have known how hard it was going to be when we started this journey, and if we could somehow turn back the clock and NOT do it ... well, would we have actually gone forward with the process?

I take that back. I won't be totally honest here. I will simply let you decide.

Here are some places to help, if you're so inclined.

        • AdoptUsKids.org is a place to start if you're considering fostering or adopting.
        • My Stuff Bags is a really cool and inexpensive way to help foster kids by gifting them actual luggage, duffel bags, and more, so that they don't travel from home to home with garbage bags for their belongings — or nothing at all.
        • CASA for Children offers legal help and advocates for foster kids through a network of volunteers.

        This story was written by Brandon Weber and originally appeared on 07.17.15

        From Your Site Articles
        foster care
        Music

        Teacher jokingly tells 10-year-old going on a trip to England to 'find Duran Duran'—and so she kind of does.

        And just like that, Simon LeBon appeared in the doorway.

        Wikicommons and lakehighlandsadvocate IG

        Duran Duran lead singer Simon LeBon poses with a young fan

        Imagine this: you're a fourth grade language arts teacher in Dallas, and like many Gen X-ers, your obsession with Duran Duran never waned. So much so that you still have dolls of each member of the band in the classroom and, according to Austin Wood's article for the Lake Highlands Advocate, even an old telephone in case (lead singer) "Simon LeBon calls."

        This describes Miriam Osborne, a fourth grade teacher at White Rock Elementary in the Lake Highlands district of Dallas, Texas. Wood shares in "White Rock E.S. student, inspired by teacher, meets Simon LeBon" that one of Osborne's students, 10-year-old Ava Meyers, was getting an early pickup for Christmas break, as her family was heading to the U.K. for a holiday wedding. As they were saying their goodbyes in the hallway, Osborne kiddingly said to Meyers, "Find Duran Duran."

        gif of Duran Duran performingDuran Duran 80S GIFGiphy


        Cut to: Ava and her family, including her mom Zahara, fly across the pond to find themselves in the Putney neighborhood of London. After a day of sightseeing, Zahara shares, "I was just Googling things to do in Putney, and the first thing that popped up was 'Simon Le Bon lives in Putney from Duran Duran.'”

        Zahara did a little sleuthing and found Simon's house, thinking perhaps a Christmas stroll by the home would be exciting. But, according to the article, Ava felt they could do better. She and "an 83-year-old relative named Nick, who apparently has courage in droves, went to the door and tried a knock. Zahara was initially hesitant but assumed Le Bon would be away on vacation, so she figured it was harmless. Le Bon’s son-in-law answered, his wife came to the door next, and following a few moments of getting pitched the idea by Nick, agreed to get her husband 'because it was Christmas.'"

        And just like that, Simon LeBon appeared in the doorway. He warmly greeted Ava and her family and even took pictures. "It was just crazy," Ava exclaimed.

        But possibly more excited was Miriam Osborne, back in the States. She proudly shared the photo (which had been texted to her) with many of her friends and even encouraged Ava to recount the story to her classmates when they returned from the break. Wood shares, "Osborne’s connection to the band goes back to her childhood in El Paso in the ’80s. As the daughter of a Syrian immigrant, she says she had trouble fitting in and finding an identity. Some days, she and her brothers would travel across town to get records from a British record store."

        Miriam explains she used her babysitting money to buy her first Duran Duran record. "And so I had been a fan, literally, for 43 years—my entire lifetime."

        gif of Simon LeBonDuran Duran GIFGiphy

        Osborne's love of Duran Duran, and many '80s bands in general, nostalgically connects her to a throughline for her life that she tries to impart onto the students as well. "Music is a connector, and it connected me to a world that I didn’t always fit in as a child. It helped me find people who I still love to this day, and it’s a big part of this classroom with me and the students I teach, because everybody has a story, and there’s something really incredible about hearing something and it taking you to a happy moment."

        As for Ava? She's now taking guitar lessons. And perhaps one day, she can become so famous and inspirational, a teacher sends a student off to find her on a Christmas vacation in the future.

        From Your Site Articles
        80s nostalgia
        Celebrity

        'I don't take medicine': Martha Stewart shares how she's maintained perfect health at 83

        Does everything she does have to be so perfect?

        via Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

        Martha Stewart speaking with attendees at the 2019 Maricopa Home and Garden Show at WestWorld of Scottsdale in Scottsdale, Arizona.

        Martha Stewart is in incredible health for an 83-year-old, and her secret isn’t living a life of leisure. Stewart became the first female self-made billionaire in American history by forever altering how the average American approaches cooking, entertaining, home décor, and crafts through her various TV and magazine properties and retail brand.

        Her excellent health is evidenced by the fact that that she has no interest in slowing down. In April, she’ll cohost “Yes, Chef!” along with José André, a cooking competition for NBC, and in 2023, she showed off her body as one of Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit legends. "A legend, to me, means something that's happened before and has gained an importance and lives on," Martha said in a clip from the special 60th-anniversary Legends photoshoot.

        The same year, she told AARP that she does it all naturally. "I haven't had health problems. I don't take any medicine. I have very good blood pressure,” she said. Stewart’s admission that she is healthy enough in her 80s without having to take any medication is a rarity in America. According to Merck, 90% of older adults regularly take at least one prescription, nearly 80% regularly take at least two, and 36% regularly take at least five.


        The Original Influencer’s incredible health may be attributed to her schedule. “I wake up early, early, early — often at 4 a.m. — and read the newspaper to make sure nothing bad has happened overnight," Stewart revealed. "I do Pilates at 6:15 a.m. three times a week," she said, adding that she remains active by enjoying horseback riding and hiking. Studies show that early risers like Stewart tend to live longer than night owls because they have healthier lifestyles.

        Stewart also keeps herself mentally active. “I’m about trying new things and learning new things every single day, staying fresh, being interesting and interested, staying curious, staying busy, developing new friendships,” she said. She is on to something when it comes to keeping up with friends. A recent study of over 13,000 people over 50 found that those with high-quality friendships were 24% less likely to die over an eight-year period. They were also more likely to exercise and had lower risks of stroke and depression.


        Stewart told Today.com that when it comes to her diet, she drinks a lot of green juice. “Green juice drenches your body in a variety of plant nutrients,” she said. Her favorite juice is made from apples or pears combined with celery, cucumber, parsley, spinach, ginger, and lemon.

        Ultimately, for Stewart, age is a consideration dwarfed by her enthusiasm for living the good life, doing things right, and having great taste. This ethos made her one of America's most famous and influential women. "Aging is not about dying; it's about living well," Stewart said. "Because people are aging so differently now... In this life, you just have to work at staying better. That's really all you can do. You work at it. Try to keep up with friendships, projects, relationships with educating yourself—stay on top of it. Because once you're gone, what can you do? You hope you've done enough."

        From Your Site Articles
        martha stewart
        Race & Ethnicity

        Woman's rare antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow' for heart-wrenching reason

        "I just love you for bringing it in and thank you so much for making me so sad."

        Photos by Murat Rahim Caglak and Antoni Shkraba via Canva

        Woman's antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow'

        People come by things in all sorts of ways. Sometimes you find something while at a garage sale and sometimes it's because a family member passed away and it was left to them. After coming into possession of the item, the owner may be tempted to see how much it's worth so it can be documented for insurance purposes or sold.

        On a recent episode of BBC One's Antique Roadshow, a woman brought an ivory bracelet to be appraised. Interestingly enough, the expert didn't meet this rare find with excitement, but appeared somber. The antique expert, Ronnie Archer-Morgan carefully explains the purpose of the bracelet in what appears to be a tense emotional exchange.

        There would be no appraisal of this antique ivory bracelet adorned with beautiful script around the circumference. Archer-Morgan gives a brief disclaimer that he and the Antique Roadshow disapprove of the trade of ivory, though that was not his reason for refusing the ivory bangle.

        "This ivory bangle here is not about trading in ivory, it’s about trading in human life, and it’s probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever had to talk about. But talk about it we must," Archer-Morgan says.

        Ronnie Archer-Morgan, Antiques Roadshow, BBC, antiques, ivoryRonnie Archer-Morgan on an episode of the BBC's Antiques RoadshowImage via Antqiues Roadshow


        Turns out the woman had no idea what she had in her possession as she purchased it from an estate sale over 30 years before. One of the elderly residents she cared for passed away and the woman found the ivory bracelet among the things being sold. Finding the bangle particularly intriguing with the fancy inscription around it, she decided to purchase the unique piece of jewelry.

        After explaining that his great-grandmother was once enslaved in Nova Scotia, Canada before being returned to Sierra Leone, Archer-Morgan concluded he could not price the item.

        Antiques Roadshow, BBC, Ronnie Archer MorganRonnie Archer-Morgan holds the ivory bracelet he refused to valueImage via Antiques Roadshow/BBC

        "I just don’t want to value it. I do not want to put a price on something that signifies such an awful business. But the value is in the lessons that this can tell people," he tells the woman.

        In the end the woman leaves without knowing the monetary value of the item but with a wealth of knowledge she didn't have before visiting. Now she can continue to share the significance of the antique with others. Watch the full explanation below:


        - YouTubewww.youtube.com

        This article originally appeared last year.

        From Your Site Articles
        antiques roadshow
        Modern Families

        Mom shows off mother-in-law's comically generous "sick care package" and it's so relatable

        Mothers-in-law giveth and they annoyeth.

        Canva Photos

        Putting the "care" in care package.

        In my experience, grandparents like to give a lot of...stuff. It can be overwhelming and frustrating, bringing all these things into your home that you have to find a place for, all of it adding to the clutter and mental load. And I know I'm not the only one. Some informal surveys say 75% of parents are frustrated that grandparents give the kids too many gifts. Based on the parents I know, that number easily checks out. And it's not just gifts, but food, baked goods, and groceries that we don't ask for—it's all too much!

        It's a double-edged sword, though, because sometimes the stuff is great and really helpful. It's important to remember that there is a lot of generosity and love behind grandparents' (sometimes outlandish) gifting. It's a way for them to stay connected to the family when they can't always be there during the day-to-day. A little gift here and there is a way to show the grandkids they love them, and sending a batch of brownies you definitely don't want to be eating is just their little way of helping out.

        To that end, a mom on TikTok recently showed off her outrageous haul from her mother-in-law, who sent a laughably generous care package when the family was sick with the flu.

        gif of Alf sickMom-in-law went above and beyond to answer the sick family's call.Giphy

        Makenzie Hubbell can barely contain her laughter as she begins telling the story on camera.

        "My entire family is sick and we asked our mother-in-law to shop for us, so this is everything she got. "

        Hubbell then holds up two eight-packs of Gatorade, or enough to hydrate a professional sports team.

        "We asked for some goldfish for my son, for when he starts eating." Cue enormous, bulk-sized tub of Goldfish crackers. Then two giant bags of Tyson's chicken nuggets. "We asked for ground turkey. She got us two," Hubbell says, showing off the packs.

        "Did not ask for these, but very thankful," she says, holding up a container of strawberries. "Strawberries are very expensive."

        It went on and on. A huge package of chicken breast that could feed their family for a week. But the package wasn't just food and rations. There was a book for the little one, cupcakes for mom's birthday, and a gift in an adorable bag (spoiler: It's a candle and a t-shirt).

        The care package was a veritable clown car of supplies and gifts. It's safe to say that mom-in-law went way overboard, in the way that grandparents do. Watch Hubbell show it all off here:


        @chunkymak

        i fear the gatorade wont last more than 3 days😂😭 #plussize #plussizeedition #groceries #groceryhaul

        Commenters related heavily to the video, and it's got us wondering if mother-in-laws have been getting a bad rap all this time.

        Turns out that mothers-in-law, despite their reputation, are coming in clutch all over the place! We might not always see eye to eye, but they're some of the most reliable and generous family members out there.

        "You won the Mother in Law lottery."

        "This is my MIL but she gives so much and won’t allow us to pay any portion back"

        "My exs mother, my oldest son’s grandma, drops off a care package of groceries every time she goes to Costco. Always a rotisserie chicken. Muffins, fruit, snacks for school and fresh veggies."

        "Welcome to the best mother in law club. My husband had a lot of health issues before he passed and my MIL would schedule her cleaning lady to come over the day before he came home from the hospital."

        "My MIL is the same way…but times 4. If I asked her to pick some things up, it would be a haul. Those of us that are blessed, APPRECIATE!"

        "So happy when I hear positive MIL stories on this app. While I am not one nor do I have one it always seems like they’re getting such a bad rap."

        To add to the comedy of it all, Hubbell's mother-in-law was back with more rations and an entire pharmacy's-worth of medical supplies the very next day:

        @chunkymak

        Replying to @weetchofthewoods she also got us the sams club big pack of pampers cruisers in the wrong size so she's going to exchange them but she's got such a huge heart🩷 #plussize #plussizeedition #groceries #groceryhaul

        Conflict between women and their mothers-in-law might be a little exaggerated by sitcoms and stand-up comics, but it is a tricky relationship to manage.

        Mothers-in-law are naturally protective of their own children and have strong feelings and opinions about how their grandchildren are being raised. Communication and boundaries are key, but can be a challenge for any family to navigate with grandparents.

        Case in point: Just as many commenters on Hubbell's video expressed regret that they didn't have nearly as good of a relationship with their own MIL.

        It's a good exercise for any married person to look past the conflicts and disagreements and recognize how generous grandparents, and especially those pesky mothers-in-law, can be with their time and money. They just love to go overboard like in Hubbell's viral video, and seem to take pride in being more helpful than you could possibly ever ask them to be. Sure, that generosity also comes with a lot of junk and a little more spoiling of the kids than you'd like, but Hubbell's video is a good reminder to stop and be appreciative for just a moment if you're lucky enough to have an overly generous mother-in-law in your life.

        From Your Site Articles
        parenting
        Culture

        Young female artist has sold $7 million worth of paintings before she was even 14-years-old

        You can see her talent in her very first painting.

        Autumn de Forest

        Autumn de Forest stands before a sign with her name on it

        When Autumn de Forest was 5, she picked up a paintbrush for the first time. It wasn't long before she was ready to show the world what she could do.

        After a year of practice, the then-6-year-old asked her father if he could get her a booth at a local art-in-the-park program. "People would come up to the booth, and they would talk to my father, and they'd say, 'This is great!'" she said. "Apparently they thought it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day."

        Almost everyone thought the artwork was her father's. And when they found out that tiny Autumn was the artist, people couldn't believe their eyes.


        art, kids, art genius, kid genius Autumn created this piece when she was just 5 years old. Autumn de Forest

        Soon, Autumn rose to national fame.

        When Autumn was 8, she was featured on the Discovery Health Channel. There was a slew of media attention in the years that followed. There was Disney. There was The Today Show. There was Wendy Williams. She was called a child genius, a prodigy, and an expert painter.


        autumn deforest, art, kids, paintingSoon, Autumn rose to national fame.Autumn Deforest


        Suddenly, Autumn de Forest was everywhere.

        But not everyone was so accepting of the young artist and her work. Some people in the art world had ... questions. Sure, she was good for a kid. But was her art actually good? Others wondered if the whole thing might be an elaborate hoax.

        Autumn decided not to listen.

        By 14 she developed a startlingly organized daily routine that went far beyond a 9 to 5.

        Somehow, as the focus on her age begins to wear off, Autumn's work ethic and art only grow stronger. She said that most days, she'd wake up in her parents' Las Vegas home at 7:30 a.m. After breakfast, she'd break out her supplies for a one- or two-hour painting session. From there, she dove into her school work. Most brick-and-mortar schools can't accommodate her travel schedule, so she did the majority of her schooling online.

        Before dinner, it's back into the studio.

        "That session can last much longer, that can be three or four hours when I really get into it," she said. "Then I probably have dinner and go to bed."

        kids, painting, artistic genius, paintings, kid artists Autumn de Forest paints Autumn de Forest


        The results? They speak for themselves.

        Autumn de Forest, painting, art, kids, prodigy An Autumn de Forest painting Autumn de Forest

        Her work has been displayed in galleries and exhibitions all over the world.

        Autumn held a public demonstration before a showing at The Butler Institute of American Art.

        Autumn de Forest, painting, kids, artAn Autumn de Forest painting Autumn de Forest

        In 2015, Autumn received the International Giuseppe Sciacca Award in Painting and Art.

        The award took her to the Vatican for a private showing of her artwork with the pope.


        She's also worked with the President's Committee on the Arts and the Humanities, headed up by former First Lady Michelle Obama.

        Autumn de Forest, the Pope, Pope Francis, painting, artAutumn de Forest stands with the Pope who looks at one of her paintings Autumn de Forest

        As part of the program, de Forest traveled to underprivileged schools around the country and led painting workshops. Oh, and if you're looking for some hard numbers to attach to Autumn's talent, she's got those, too.

        Her paintings raked in over $7 million at auctions by the time she was a teenager — fetching as much as $25,000 each — much of which has gone directly to charities and disaster relief funds.


        At 23-years-old now, what's Autumn de Forest up to lately?

        Autumn de Forest, painting, art, kidsAutumn de Forest works with other young painters Autumn de Forest

        A lot!

        The transition from child prodigy to respected artist has kept her busy.

        In 2017, the Monthaven Arts and Cultural Center in Hendersonville, Tennessee hosted a major solo exhibition for de Forest titled "Her White Room: The Art of Autumn de Forest."

        That same year, de Forest was listed as one of Teen Vogue's "21 Under 21." In her profile she was praised for her talent as well as her commitment to art education.

        "In dis­advantaged schools, they consider the arts an extracur­ricular activity," she told Teen Vogue. "It's devastating, as there could be child prodigies in these schools, but they don't know that they have this God-­given gift because they're not given the opportunity because there's nearly no art programs in schools."

        In 2018, de Forest was featured in the music video for the song "Youth" by best-selling recording artists Shawn Mendes and Khalid. The video highlights exceptional young people working to change the world, including de Forest, Emma González, and Elias and Zion Phoenix.

        The video has over 17 million plays on YouTube.

        And of course, Autumn continues to share her absolutely incredible artwork on Instagram and in shows and exhibitions around the globe.

        The Autumn de Forest Foundation, helps her keep track of the kids she's met throughout the years and to continue to help them with their art careers.

        A portion of the foundation's money goes to a 529 account set up for the students while 10% goes to them directly.

        "A lot of these kids that I work with, they're not very old, they're in second grade, third grade, fourth grade. Maybe in 10 years, they may only have four or five thousand dollars but that could be the difference between them going to college or not," Autumn told Teen Vogue.

        Autumn's incredible rise in the art world is an astonishing feat for someone who's still in her teens. But that accomplishment is easily matched by her generosity and commitment to helping develop tomorrow's prodigies as well.

        For more information, visit the Autumn de Forest Foundation.


        This article originally appeared nine years ago.

        From Your Site Articles
        painting
        Trending Stories