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9 more things people don't tell you about loving an alcoholic.

We're all in this fight together. You are not alone.

It seems like almost everyone has had some experience navigating the complicated waters of loving an addict.

Previously, I shared my story about growing up with an alcoholic parent. I confessed that I grew up as a child of an addict, and I shared a lot of honest and raw details about my life.

Me and my dad.

And when we shared the story with Upworthy readers, my inbox flooded with messages of people saying, “Me too.”

I couldn’t believe how many people related to my story. It’s like we gave people permission to start talking about secrets they’ve held in for years.

So I reached out to the daughters, sons, husbands, wives, and people who boldly shared their stories with me. I asked these people to share their truths — mostly unspoken before now — and to tell their stories about loving an addict.

Here's what they told me:

1. “I always felt [like] finding love outside my home would fix what was broken inside of it ... and it never did.”

Samantha told me about the time her mom tried to put a ponytail in her hair when she was in fifth grade. But her mom was too hungover to make it work. On that day, Samantha decided she didn’t need her mom anymore, and she clung to this mentality until she was 19 years old.

Instead, Samantha turned to friends and boyfriends to try to fix her broken idea of home. But they could never replace the love she needed from her mom. Samantha’s mom eventually decided to get help, but Samantha had to work through a lot of the anger she harbored toward her mom too.

Today, Samantha said: “I’ve since turned my relationship with my mom into something worth holding onto.”

2. “I’m still stuck in the ‘Don’t tell anyone’ phase.”

One reader, who asked to remain anonymous, said her family is still in the phase where they hide the dark secrets in their home. She said there’s only one place where she can talk about the truth: her diary.

As a "highly functional drunk,” her dad has held the same job for more than 45 years without anyone knowing his struggles. The disease has also been passed down, and now her siblings are racking up violations for driving while intoxicated. She desperately wants to understand how alcohol has so much power and control over her family.

3. Some people don't make it out of addiction.

I can’t give credit to just one person for sharing this devastating story because so many people shared this with me. I heard about many parents who battled for years with alcoholism and never recovered, leaving behind sons and daughters. It isn’t fair, that’s for sure.

Many of these courageous people are now trying to forgive their parents, even after they've passed away. These children are walking their own paths of recovery.

4. “I went to prison because of my addiction.”

Summer is an addict who is proud to share that she is now in recovery. At the age of 27, Summer went to prison for two and a half years after more than a decade of battling addiction. Once released, a caring probation officer helped her enter a treatment program.


Summer as a child. She started struggling with addiction when she was 14. Photo used with permission.

“I still have fears and doubts that I can make it through recovery and not relapse,” said Summer. “It’s a lifelong process that I’m learning each day.”

Summer is now a working mother, also studying to be a substance abuse counselor. New friends in recovery became family too, helping Summer find a new way of life. “They loved me until I learned to love myself.”

5. “I’m afraid that I’ll become an alcoholic and ruin my kids’ lives.”

As a 10-year-old little girl, Melissa thought her parents' drinking was all her fault. Then, she became a parent herself and felt all of the “what ifs” piling on.

Melissa said she often asks herself: “What if I drink? What if I can't control it? What if I end up making my kids feel like I used to?”

For Melissa, this is an ongoing battle. She has found support through therapy, which is helping her realize she isn’t to blame for her parents’ behaviors.

6. “My dad was an abusive alcoholic for years and it's still difficult.”

Rachel and her dad. Photo used with permission.

After years of living with an abusive alcoholic father, Rachel was left burdened with many issues. She told me she wants to find the words to explain how she feels after all these years, but it’s a struggle every day.

7. “My family’s recovery feels far away.”

“My mom is an alcoholic, but sadly is a long way from any sort of recovery,” said Dave.

Dave has loved his mother through all the difficult steps, like visiting many counselors and therapists for help. And as of today, as with many people I heard from, he says nothing has worked. He’s still waiting for the day when his mom will find her way to sobriety.

8. “I’m getting ready to marry into a family with addiction that keeps repeating itself through many generations, and it’s scary.”

Grace’s fiancé’s family struggles with generations of addiction. Her fiancé’s mother grew up with a violent alcoholic father, and Grace has had a hard time accepting how she can still love a man after he’s caused so much pain.

The disease has now been passed down to her fiancé’s immediate siblings. Grace said she’s still trying to grasp the depths of the impacts on a family for so many generations.

“We just have to try our best and accept that people will make mistakes,” said Grace.

9. “I became the recipient of my dad’s rage. For years, I felt like I was always walking on eggshells.”

Ashley’s father made numbing his pain a priority, causing Ashley to view the world through a very dark, untrusting lens. And now, although Ashley’s father has been in recovery for 10 years, she has had to come face-to-face with her own lifelong journey toward recovery too.


Ashley and her dad. Photo provided by Ashley, used with permission.

“I have to work a strong recovery program of my own so I do not continue to pass on the dysfunction and trauma to future generations of my family.”

Ashley recognizes that she learned to cope in dysfunctional ways, as she desperately fought for years for the love and approval of her father. But she says she’s bouncing back, learning to set boundaries and gain back her confidence.

The next time you think you’re alone in learning to love an addict, think again.

We’re all in this fight together. You are not alone.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Health

Why 'boomer panic' is a real thing, not just generational bashing

There's a heartbreaking reason behind the problem.

via Canva/Photos

What is "boomer panic"?

In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “boomer panic” to explain how baby boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

“I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

Many people raised by boomers understood what she meant by "boomer panic." "Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic," the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain boomer panic in an empathetic way.

“Well, it's likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.

TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

Day’s boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday

It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting

There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something "boomer panic," but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

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History (Education)

Victorian woman shares what it was like to own a business for women in the 1800s

"No lady worked in those days. It was only a companion or a teacher."

Photo credit: Canva

Victorian business woman reveals what it was like in 1800s

Have you ever wondered what it was like to live in the Victorian Era? Not just wondering about the lack of technology like cell phones, air conditioner and antiperspirant but the daily life that included social norms that would be outrageous by today's standards.

There aren't any people alive today that could tell you what life was like for a woman in the 1800s. The best resources we have on life back then are oral histories repeated throughout families, first hand accounts written in journals or things documented for historians. Few videos exploring the themes of Victorian life from people old enough to have participated exist but Mrs. Florence Pannel sat down with a journalist in 1977 when she was 108-years-old to share her experience.

Mrs. Pannel wasn't just your average Victorian woman, she was someone that challenged the status quo of the time period. Instead of focusing on being a homemaker or school teacher, the woman decided business was her calling in a time where women owning businesses was unheard of. Having your ankles exposed outside of the privacy of your own home was also unheard of so the societal opinions were stacked against the young entrepreneur.

Angry Fed Up GIFGiphy

It seems that when Mrs. Pannel was younger she had a hefty dose of moxie it didn't matter what the social norms were, she was opening her own business and nobody was going to stop her.

"No lady worked in those days. It was only a companion or a teacher. She could be a hospital nurse but not private," Mrs. Pannel tells the journalist further explaining, "for women it was shockingly difficult."

The woman shares through recounting a story that women were expected to to get married and have children whether they wanted to or not. If they didn't marry they'd be considered an old maid left to live and die alone. Mrs. Pannel says these were some of the details gleaned from a story in magazine of a very young girl and the her mother. Still growing up knowing what was expected of her didn't stop her from pursuing her own business adventure.

Victorian Woman Fashion Accessories Free Stock Photo - Public ...www.publicdomainpictures.net

Women in the UK, where Mrs. Pannel is from, were allowed to open businesses on their own in 1870 when the The Married Women’s Property Act is passed. This allowed married women to legally own their own money, property, investments and inheritance but it's unclear when this extended to single women. The UK Sex Discrimination Act of 1975 is what gave all women equal standing as men allowing them the same privileges which included opening businesses without a male relative.

Mrs. Pannel was able to start her beauty business without her husband signing off, likely thanks to the Women's Property Act. She ran her shop in Paris and London becoming familiar with all the ins and outs of women's beauty and fashion. She admits that while showing ankle in England may have been scandalous, in Paris a short hemline wouldn't catch a second look.

"In Paris nothing mattered," she exclaims but then recalls a cartoon in Punch Magazine when she was around 10 that showed all the men rubbernecking at a lady showing the top of her ankles while she held her dress up to cross the street.

Mrs. Pannel owned and worked in her own shop for many years before retiring. We may never know what it was like for her to dare to go against the social norm but we sure are glad there were trailblazers like her willing to break the commonly held rules of society to normalize women as business owners.

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Parenting

Dad makes kids put down their phones then captures hilarious video of them 'playing' outside

No one has ever looked so sad on a swing.

Canva Photos

These dang kids and their dang screens! I'm loathe to admit that I've had this thought a lot lately myself. When it comes to planning our kids' summer break, a part of my brain assumes they'll just want to play outside with their friends most of the day; making up games, riding bikes, coming inside to grab popsicles. The stuff I did at their age. But in reality it hasn't worked out like that. Most kids in the neighborhood are either in camps, or they're inside watching TV or playing video games.

When I try to encourage my kids to go outside more, I get a lot of grumbling and push back. Is it possible this generation has just... forgotten how to play? Are the phones and tablets to blame for this strange phenomenon? One dad recently had the brilliant idea to take his kids to the park, take away their phones, and force them to go play. The results were... not exactly what he was hoping for.


Kids these daysGiphy

"It was a nice day outside," Charles Lavea told Newsweek. "I thought we could go get food and eat at the park. I took my daughters' devices, phones and iPads, off them and left them at home. I wanted them to get some sun and fresh air, so we went."

In footage shared by Laveas on TikTok, you can see what happened next. HIs two girls are shown sitting on swings, forlornly swaying back and forth, not knowing what to do with themselves. You can tell they're just disassociating until dad's weird little experiment is over. They would rather be anywhere else in the world. Specifically, they'd like to check in on what's going on on their phones. It's all over their faces and in their sad, hunched over body language.

Watch the comical video here:

@lifewithlaveas

This generation man 🤣🤣🤦 I remember growing up all we did was play at the park with the kids in the neighbourhood 🤷 #lifewithlaveas #girldad #funnymoments #trendingsound #titanicflutefail #tiktokparent #viralvideos #fyp

Commenters had a field day, and most agreed: Kids "these days" don't know how to play outside.

"Bro when I was that age me and my sista be seeing who can swing the highest and jump off the swing on our feet"

"They would ratha watch other kids playing from there devices"

"Kids these days won't know the struggles we been through since the 80s - 90s kids been through with no phones, gaming pc, iPhone, Samsung, tablets, Facebook, tiktok, YouTube & Instagram wasn't invented. Even internet was hard to get when we use to have dial-up internet back then."

"Honestly the kids nowadays have no idea how to play outside eh? My kids too 😂🙈 I used to run out the door and never came back til the street lights turned on."

The data backs it up. There's been a shocking decline in often kids play outside in the last couple of decades. One study estimates only 6% of kids aged 9-13 regularly play outside unsupervised.

But is it so simple as to say that phones and tablets have rewired our kid's brains and the fun of playing outside can't keep up with the quick and easy dopamine hits found on screens? That's part of the problem, sure. But did you know that only around 20% of kids walk or bike to school, compared to 70% of parents who did so when they were young? That's not kids' fault, and it's definitely not because they're in their room playing on their iPads. It's because our culture has stoked so much fear in parents that our kids will be kidnapped or hit by a car that we rarely let them out of our sight anymore.

Kids have less unstructured free time than they did in the past, too. Your average kid is enrolled in more sports, clubs, and extracurriculars than ever before. Those are generally good things on their own — these activities challenge them, teach them new skills, and help them make new friends. But it doesn't leave them a lot of time to flex their imagination and invent silly outside games with other kids, and that time is important too.

It's easy to grumble about how kids are obsessed with their devices — and of course, genuinely laugh when dads like Lavea show that their kids barely know how to use a swingset — but change is going to have to start with us parents. The screens aren't going anywhere. Time spent playing outside is so good for a child's mind, body, and soul. We may just have to awkwardly force them into it a little more often, and that might mean pushing our own fears aside, or (the scariest thing of all) putting our own phones down to lead the way, too.

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Pets

Depressed shelter cat turns into life of the party after moving into senior living facility

George keeps the residents on their toes with 4 AM zoomies.

Photo credit: Canva

Sad shelter cat gets a new gig at assisted living facility

Cats like dogs have been domesticated and generally thrive off of human companionship. Some might even venture to say that these animals do best when they feel like they're serving a purpose, even if that purpose is to be the foot warmer at the end of your bed. This centuries worth of domestication is the reason so many pets prefer to live amongst humans but for some, one human just won't do.

George is a 7-year-old white domestic shorthair that once called a senior living facility home but when the home closed down, the cat was out of a job. The staff at the facility that housed George brought him to a local animal shelter where he became depressed fairly quickly. Finding a home for the sad cat wan't going to be an easy feat since on top of him looking visibly depressed, he also has a rather unique look.

Many people would love an all white cat but George looks a little off. One of his ears is folded inward at the base and points forward while the other folds down and points off the the side appearing smaller than average cat ears. Couple that with his mopey face and it's a recipe for a long shelter stay.

Tired Cat GIFGiphy

But Four Footed Friends Animal Shelter in Indiana, Pennsylvania did not plan to let George stay in the shelter longer than needed. They knew the sad kitty didn't need to wait for a family to see the potential beyond his physical flaws because George needed a job. A job where he got to be the center of attention any time he walked into the room so Alex and the people at the animal shelter went on the hunt for another senior care home.

"He was definitely depressed, he was down. We had him in a kennel away from the other cats. He responded every time we walked by he gave us a little meow. He wanted attention. You could just tell he just wasn't happy about his situation," Alex tells Geobeats.

The plan quickly became to get George back to work so the shelter started telling local nursing homes about the furry companion in hopes one of them would give him a chance. After the senior living facilities found out the cat had years of previous experience that allows him to bypass meow-ientation, they were lining up to add George to their staff.

Eventually the shelter chose Forest Hills Personal Care Home and George has made himself at home. To no one's surprise, he's purr-fect at his job.

"He's not a loud cat, he's not a super playful cat, he is a comforting cat. I think that's more his speed. He's a lap cat, he's a cuddle cat and he's the kind of boy that'll be very loyal to you and follow you around. He thrives on being able to be with a lot of people," Alex explains. "He wouldn't have done well in a home with just one or two people."

The residents at the personal care home love him and give him all the attention he could ever possibly need. But once his shift is over, all the elderly residents are sound asleep and the night nurses are counting the minutes before their reprieve arrives, George lets loose. He gets the late night zoomies to get in his cardio before another long day of caring for his residents. It sure is hard being a working cat sometimes but somehow George manages to do it without bending a whisker.

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Joy

Devastated coffee shop owner makes teary video that has New Yorkers showing up in droves

Even Joe Jonas showed up to support her.

@its.rachel.rose/TikTok

This is why we support small businesses.

With only a few grand to their name, along with a ton of hard work and grit, Rachel Nieves and her now husband Taylor Nawrocki built their business, Buddies Coffee, completely from scratch.

What began as a simple coffee cart grew into a brick-and-mortar cafe on 150 Grand St. in Williamsburg, which is a historically Puerto Rican neighborhood (though you wouldn’t be able to tell that today). Still, Buddies aims to honor Puerto Rican culture and build community by serving quesitos and a special coquito latté—which is the cafe’s claim to fame.

However, inflation and gentrification have recently caused this American Dream to be in jeopardy. As Nieves shared in an incredibly emotional video posted to TikTok, raised rent prices, in addition to another more mainstream coffee shop opening up next door, made staying in business seem impossible.

Through tears, Nieves can be heard saying “It just feels like you just can’t win, like the small people can’t win.” Still, she concluded her video by saying she would “continue to work hard,” that "she's not going anywhere,” and she’s going to "continue to inspire people.”

@its.rachel.rose Happy start to women’s history months I guess ! 😘 Hearing this news today just now completely broke me. As a self funded small like true mom and pop business this news is scary - I’ve never tried to nor want to “compete” with anyone. If you know me you know I truly don’t see anyone as a competitor- however, knowing someone -whoever they are is planning on opening literally next door not down the block across the street around the corner. I cannot deny it will crush me. I’m hopeful we will make the most out of these next 6-7 months in this space and I just know God was holding my hand when I decided to sign a lease in the city (with hopes and dreams of having two shops) I will continue to remain delusional always I will always work hard show up for myself and show up for others. I promised myself If I was to make content I will be completely myself - nothing curated just raw and here I am 😘 #coffee #dayinmylife #coffeetiktoklovers #badbunny #brooklyn #buddiescoffee #coffeenyc #nyc #ditl #coffeetok #womenownedbusiness ♬ original sound - Rachel

And boy, Nieves did just that. Not only did over 6 million people tune into her heartfelt video, but pretty soon New Yorkers began showing up in droves to her shop. TikTok was TikTokking in the best way, because customers began sharing videos of their own visits—many showing lines going around the block—which only encouraged more to stop by.

Buddies even got support from Joe Jonas, who commented “you are awesome. I’m coming to support.” True to his word, showed up the very next day and urged others to “be a buddy.”

@joejonas Good day to show Buddies Cafe some love! Shop online or head to the store at 150 Grand Street in Williamsburg ❤️ @Rachel ♬ original sound - joejonas

For Nieves, creating Buddies was just as much about maintaining a Puerto Rican identity in Brooklyn as it was about starting an income stream. Born and raised in New York, Nieves has seen much of her city change, including the closing of businesses she “holds close to her heart.” In their place were new establishments that felt like they weren’t for her or other locals.

To make her dream a reality, Nieves started small, selling her coffee, which she roasts herself, in a 150 square foot space. This was a different approach than she was seeing from other coffee shops, who seem to prioritize aesthetics over customer service and product quality.

At the time of starting Buddies, Nieves also couldn’t find any female coffee roasters in New York, which only future fueled her mission to show what’s possible. All this to say—losing her business would be about so much more than losing money. And conversely, the support she has received matters much more, too.

@its.rachel.rose I really love making these little voice overs for you all - I won’t give up lol I just have a few more days to put this out there 🗣️ 😭💕@Bad Bunny #buddiescoffee #coffeenyc #brooklyn #coffeetok #coffee #dtmf #dayinmylife #womenownedbusiness #nyc #coffeetiktok #quesitos #imjustagirl ♬ original sound - Rachel

Because of her newfound viral fame, Nieves has been not only able to sell within her neighborhood, but throughout the country as well, thanks to online orders. Understandably, she has been immensely grateful for the overwhelmingly positive response.

Furthermore, in a follow-up video on Wednesday, Nieves shared the insight that "vulnerability is power.” And certainly, her story is the proof in the pudding. In being open about her struggles, she inspired positive action. Now, more than ever, we need to remember humanity’s power to manifest good things together, when we truly connect.

If you are not in the area, and would like to support Buddies, you can buy your own bag of coffee here. As for me, I could be persuaded to make a quick trip to New York for a delicious coquito latté…

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