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Identity

Simple ways to support your trans friends when they come out.

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow.

transgender, coming out, LGBTQIA+, support
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Some tools to help us stand beside people we love and support.

For many gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people, one of the most personal (and sometimes scary) experiences they'll go through is the "coming out" process.

Coming out means telling others of your status as an LGBTQ person. As society is becoming more accepting of people's sexual orientation and gender identity, coming out is getting easier all the time. Even so, for many, it's still a carefully calculated process that involves planning who, how, and when to tell people in their lives.

In 2016, writer and director Lilly Wachowski — known as co-creator of "The Matrix" series of films, "Jupiter Ascending," and "Sense8" — came out publicly as transgender.

It's so great that Lilly came to that realization about herself and started living more authentically. In 2012, her sister Lana also came out as trans. What's not cool about this is the fact that Lilly was forced to out herself, in a letter she chose to share with The Windy City Times, after a reporter from The Daily Mail threatened to do it without her permission.

Lilly Wachowski, transgender, The Matrix, LGBTQ

Lilly Wachowski came out as transgender in 2016.

t.co

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow — and telling a journalist definitely falls under "don't."

As a transgender person, one of the most common questions I get from strangers is: "My friend or family member recently told me that they're transgender. How can I support them?"

Below are five tips I give people who are thoughtful enough to ask.

1. Let them know they have your support.

If you're asking this question (or taking the time to look up an article on the subject), you're already on the right path. It's important to make sure your friend knows you're in their corner, as they're probably afraid of how others in their lives will react. A simple "If you need anything, I'm here for you" can go a long way.

2. Respect their identity, name, and pronouns.

Ask questions like "What are your pronouns?" and "How would you like me to refer to you in private and when we're around people who may not know you're transitioning?"

If somebody is just starting to come out to others, odds are that there are still some people who don't know and might still use old names and pronouns. Asking how you should react in those situations will help you avoid outing your friend to others who don't yet know.

3. Educate yourself — don't rely on your friend to educate you.

There are so many great resources on how to understand trans issues. While your friend may be happy to answer those initial personal questions about things like names and pronouns, they might become overwhelmed if you start treating them as a walking encyclopedia of all things trans.

I recommend PFLAG's amazing resource "Our Trans Loved Ones: Questions and Answers for Parents, Families, and Friends of People who are Transgender and Gender Expansive." The 102-page guide is a comprehensive piece of "Trans 101" literature that's bound to answer some of your questions (complete with some more thorough do's and don'ts).

4. Don't gossip about them or "out" them to others.

The only people you should be discussing your friend's gender with are people they've given you explicit permission to do so with. Going behind their back and outing them to someone they may not yet be ready to tell is not only a huge betrayal of their trust, but it could even put them in physical danger.

On top of that, when someone is hearing this news from a secondhand source (that is, you), some of the important details may get lost in translation, which get further garbled if this person tells someone else — it eventually turns into a game of telephone, and no one wants that.

A vigil for slain transgender woman Islan Nettles at Jackie Robinson Park in Harlem in 2013. Nettles was severely beaten after being approached on the street by a group of men and later died of her injuries.

5. Understand that this is not about you and your feelings.

It's OK to feel confused, and it's OK to not immediately "get it." Those feelings are completely valid, but demanding to know why your friend didn't tell you sooner (they were probably wrestling with this themselves for quite some time) or saying you feel betrayed will only hurt them during an extremely vulnerable time in their life.

Nothing you did "made" your friend trans, and it's probably less that they were hiding something from you and more that they were hiding this reality from themselves.

Whether someone is a Hollywood director or a friend from high school, we should all have the right to come out at our own pace and in our own way.

Maybe years from now the aspect that makes this seem like such juicy gossip will fade and trans people won't have to worry about being forcibly outed. Maybe years from now trans people won't need to fear that coming out will be met with job loss, homelessness, or physical harm. Until then, it's important that those of us who care for our trans friends and family members do what we can do show we're there for them.

This article originally appeared on 03.09.16. It has been lightly edited.

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Cycle for Survival
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How can riding a bike help beat cancer? Just ask Reid Moritz, 10-year-old survivor and leader of his own “wolfpack”

Every year, Reid and his pack participate in Cycle for Survival to help raise money for the rare cancer research that’s helped him and so many others. You can too.

all photos courtesy of Reid Moritz

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research

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There are many things that ten-year-old Reid Wolf Moritz loves. His family, making watches (yes, really), basketball, cars (especially Ferraris), collecting super, ultra-rare Pokémon cards…and putting the pedal to the medal at Cycle for Survival.

Cycle for Survival is the official rare cancer fundraising program of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK). One hundred percent of every dollar raised at Cycle for Survival events supports rare cancer research and lifesaving clinical trials at MSK.

At only two years old, Reid was diagnosed with pilocytic astrocytoma, a rare type of brain tumor.

Pediatric cancer research is severely underfunded. When standard treatments don't work, families rely on breakthrough clinical trials to give their children a real shot at long-term survival.

When Reid’s chemotherapy and brain surgery didn’t work, he was able to participate in one of MSK’s clinical trials, where he’s received some incredible results. “Memorial Sloan Kettering has done so much for me. It's just so nice how they did all this for me. They're just the best hospital ever,” Reid recalls.

And that’s why every year, you’ll find Reid with his team, aptly named Reid's Wolfpack, riding at Cycle for Survival. It’s just Reid’s way of paying it forward so that even more kids can have similar opportunities.

“I love sharing my story to inspire other kids to PERSEVERE, STAY STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP while also raising money for my amazing doctors and researchers to help other kids like me.”

Reid remembers the joy felt bouncing on his father’s shoulder and hearing the crowd cheer during his first Cycle for Survival ride. As he can attest, each fundraising event feels more like a party, with plenty of dancing, singing and celebrating.

Hoping to spread more of that positivity, Reid and his family started the Cycle for Survival team, Reid’s Wolfpack, which has raised close to $750,000 over the past eight years. All that money goes directly to Reid’s Neuro-Oncology team at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

In addition to cheering on participants and raising good vibes at Cycle for Survival events, Reid even designs some pretty epic looking merch—like basketball shorts, jerseys, and hoodies—to help raise money.

If you’re looking to help kids just like Reid, and have a ton of fun doing it, you’re in luck. Cycle for Survival events are held at Equinox locations nationwide, and welcome experienced riders and complete newbies alike. You can even join Reid and his Wolfpack in select cities!

And if cycling in any form isn’t your thing, a little donation really does go a long way.

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research. Find out more information by checking out cycleforsurvival.org or filling out this interest form.

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Millennial dad of 3 shuts down boomer parents for their 'ridiculous' holiday expectations

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

via Canva/Photos

A Millennial dad has had it with his boomer dad's expectations.

A TikTok video posted by @carrerasfam is going viral, with over 300,000 views, because so many millennial parents can relate. In the video, a husband politely but firmly tells his “practically retired” baby boomer dad that he’s not taking his 3 young kids on a 400-mile drive to their house for the holidays.

Carerras Fam is a popular TikTok page about “all things postpartum and mamahood.” The husband opens the conversation with his dad by explaining all the inconveniences of taking 3 young kids on a long road trip. “I know you want us to drive down for the holidays, but it's kinda ridiculous that you want me to pack my 3 kids with their portable beds with my clothes, their clothes, the formula, everything that goes on with raising 3 kids and having them feel comfortable. Drive down for over four hours just so that we could spend some time in your house?” the husband says.

@carrerasfam

Sorry it’s just so much work. But you’re welcome to visit us #millennial #millennials #parents #parenting #parentsontiktok #boomers #millennials

It’s obviously inconvenient for the couple to pack up their kids and drive 4 hours, but it’s also unsafe because the house is not baby-proof. "I'm gonna have to run around, make sure that they don't break any of your stuff, and which you will take care of them,” the husband continues using sarcastic air quotes.

The dad brings up another great point: His parents are in good health, so why don’t they drive to their house? “You could visit. You don't have little kids,” the dad continues. “You don't have anything going on.

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

It’s clear from the phone call the dad understands that traveling with the kids and staying in a house that isn’t correctly set up for young kids will make the holiday a struggle. Instead of making memories, they’ll most likely be running around bent over trying to save their kids from breaking something or hanging out at Target buying electrical socket plugs and a bottle brush because they left theirs at home.



The video struck a chord with many millennial parents.

“First holiday with a kid… parents are confused why I won’t drive 9 hours with a 3mnth old for Christmas,” too_many_catz writes. “The ‘not baby proofed’ part hit my soullllllll. It’s so stressful having to chase your kids around and ask to close doors, move pictures, block stairs, etc. And nobody takes you seriously!" OhHeyItsIndy added.

It’s also expensive for young families to travel. “Add to it they want us to spend money on gas, airfare, etc. when we live paycheck to paycheck and rent while they own homes and live comfortably off a pension,” another user wrote.

This one hit hard: “They always act like you're asking the world of them, yet they will willingly go on any other vacation that they choose,” Mackenzie Byrne wrote.

TX Travel Chick may have hit the nail on the head with her explanation for why boomer parents expect their children to road trip it to their house for the holidays. “Because we are used to following their orders!!! REVOLT,” she wrote.

Ultimately, it would be interesting to learn why boomer parents want to inconvenience their kids when it would be much easier for them to take a trip to see them, especially if they can afford a hotel. One wonders if they are being entitled or if they’ve forgotten how hard it is to travel with young kids.

Education

How farming gave humans overbites and the ability to pronounce 'f' and 'v'

You are what you eat.

Photo by Daniil Zameshaev on Unsplash

This guy would have a hard time saying "french fry." Tragic.

Processed food gets a bad rap. But without it, we might have never been able to even say the word “food.” Or “friendly,” or “fun” or “velociraptor” for that matter. Why is that? “F’s” and “v’s” belong to a group of sounds known as labiodentals. They happen when you raise your bottom lip to touch your top teeth and are used in more than half of today’s human language. But science suggests we didn’t always have this linguistic ability.

As hunter gatherers, our ancestors ate a diet that was minimally processed and required more effort to chew. As a result, by adolescence their teeth would develop what’s called an edge-to-edge bite, where the jaw is elongated so that both the bottom and top teeth are completely flush with one another.

Cue the Neolithic period, where widespread agriculture meant more soft foods like stew and bread and less laborious chewing. Over time, the slight overbite that most people are born with stayed preserved, because chewing was less of an arduous process.

This also made labiodentals easier to produce, as indicated by a 2019 study published in Science magazine. You can catch the video below:

Researchers created two models—one of an edge-to-edge bite and the other of an overbite—to see which version was better for articulating labiodentals. The models clearly showed that the edge-to-edge bite required far more effort. Try to align your bottom and top teeth right now and say “fuh” or “vuh.” Not easy, is it?

The study offered the compelling argument that without the introduction to farming and softer foods, humans might have never incorporated labiodentals into their vocabulary. Even today, modern language used by hunter-gatherer groups use only one-fourth as many labiodental sounds as other languages affected by agriculture.

While the study was met with criticism, its findings offer an unprecedented concept: that our language is shaped not only by cultural and intellectual factors, but also by biological conditions. It also poses some new questions, such as what the spoken word actually sounded like thousands of years ago. It’s certainly an idea to chew on.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Robin Williams and Martha Stewart can hardly keep it together in this classic cooking segment

"I feel incredibly honored to have grown up in an era where we had this wonderful man."

via Martha Stewart/YouTube

Robin Williams making Martha Stewart crack up.

It's hard to believe it’s been over 10 years since the great Robin Williams left our world. The man left a fantastic legacy of laughs, from his time on TV’s “Mork and Mindy” to his performances in comedy hits such as “Mrs. Doubtfire” and “Aladdin.”

Williams was also an incredible dramatic actor, giving memorable performances in films such as “Dead Poets Society” and “Good Morning Vietnam.”

But the “Comic Relief” star always shined brightest when he improvised on stage, whether on talk shows or in stand-up comedy. One appearance on “Martha Stewart Living” from 2004 has been making the rounds recently because of how quickly he improvised jokes while cooking with Stewart. It’s also great because Stewart plays the perfect straight woman to Williams, although she has a tough time holding it together.

Whenever Stewart mentions an ingredient, whether cumin or brown sugar, Williams turns it into a comedic riff. He also jokes in Spanish and does a few accents that feel off-color 20 years later, but they’re delivered with the best intentions. Williams also walks a bit of a tightrope during the segment while he tries to keep his humor appropriate for daytime TV while reacting to Stewart, who is “rubbing the meat.”

- YouTubeyoutu.be

"I feel incredibly honored to have grown up in an era where we had this wonderful man," the most popular commenter on the YouTube video wrote. "His ability to change characters on the fly is remarkable," another added. "His spontaneous humor is unmatched! He was an incredibly smart, kind and funny man. He is sorely missed!" a commenter said.

Who were Martha Stewart’s favorite guests on her show?

Years later, Stewart would admit that Williams was one of her favorite guests on the show. "We had so much fun because he was the fastest wit and the fastest mind and his mind was like a computer," Stewart told AOL. "No matter what I said, he had a retort and he was so quick. I was marinating meat and he loved that — can you imagine what he did with 'marinating meat' and 'rubbing the meat' and 'ooh la la?' Watch the segment; it's really good."



What’s the ‘Many Lives of Martha Stewart’ film about?

Although Martha Stewart has rarely been out of the spotlight over the past five decades, she’s been in the news recently after releasing the new Netflix documentary about her life, “The Many Lives of Martha Stewart.”

The film follows Stewart’s journey from teen model to Wall Street stockbroker to the queen of entertaining and good taste. Eventually, she would become America’s first self-made female billionaire. The documentary also discusses the insider trading scandal that sent her to prison in 2004.

The film also reveals Stewart’s guiding philosophy. “I have two mottos. One is: Learn something new every day. And the second one is: When you’re through changing, you’re through,” Stewart says in the film. “Change that garden if you don’t like it. Rip it out and you start all over again.”

If you want to relive the hilarious moments between Stewart and Williams in your kitchen, here’s a recipe for the Chili Espresso Steak Rub.

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Heroes

A hockey fan spotted a tiny detail on a stranger's neck. Her quick warning saved his life.

"She extended my life. I've got a wonderful family. I've got a wonderful daughter. She saved my life."

Twitter

Nadia Popovici's life-saving message at the Kraken/Canucks game in Seattle via Twitter

Hockey fan Nadia Popovici had been watching the Vancouver Canucks play the Seattle Kraken in 2022 when she noticed something offputting from the stands that set off alarms from her training as a medical student.

As Canucks assistant equipment manager Brian Hamilton approached the bench, Popovici noticed a small mole on the back of his neck. The marking might have seemed innocent enough, but thanks to her experience volunteering for oncology wards, Popovici recognized the potential danger lurking. So, she quickly took action.

“The mole on the back of your neck is cancer,” read Popovici’s message in big boldly colored letters on her phone screen. It took a few attempts to get her message across during the hustle and bustle of the game, but she eventually got Hamiliton’s attention through the plexiglass.

And sure enough, her on-the-spot prognosis was right.

Hamilton received a biopsy which confirmed that the mole had been cancerous. And if it had gone unaddressed, it would have been life-threatening.

"It was only on the outer layer of my skin,'' Hamilton recalled at a news conference. "It hadn't penetrated to the second layer of my skin and that's because we caught it so early…And the words out of the doctor’s mouth were if I ignored that for four to five years, I wouldn’t be here.”

Moved by this stranger’s act of kindness, Hamilton wrote a heartfelt letter on social media in an attempt to reunite with the woman who saved his life.

His letter read:

"To this woman I am trying to find, you changed my life, and now I want to find you to say THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! Problem is, I don’t know who you are or where you are from…we are looking for this incredible person…help us find a real life hero, so I can express my sincerest gratitude."

It didn’t take long before the message found its way to Popovici’s mother, who commented:

“She hasn’t even seen this message yet as she worked graveyard shift at the suicide crisis center in Seattle so she’s still asleep. She’ll be shocked to see this message! She will be at the game tonight in the same seats. She’ll be so happy and excited to know he got it checked! What wonderful news!!!! She just got accepted into multiple medical schools!"

Talk about the power of the internet.

And so, the pair had an incredibly sweet reunion at the start of the game that night.

Displaying a truly amazing amount of empathy, Popovici shared with Sportsnet:

"The fact that I got to look him in the eye and hear what happened from his perspective. Imagine how jarring that is to for you to be at work and someone just kind of looks at you and says, `Hey, maybe you go see a doctor.' That's not what you want to hear. So the fact that I got to see him and talk to his family members that have been really impacted by him dodging a big bullet that's so special.''

Popovici is well on her way to saving countless more lives, since both the Canucks and Kraken teamed up to provide a $10,000 scholarship for medical school expenses.

Popovici’s reaction to receiving the reward for her selfless act (in the tweet above) is as heartwarming as the giant kraken beanie she sports.

Though the Canucks won that night, they tweeted that Hamilton and Popovici being able to meet was their “biggest win.”

Popovici told Sportsnet that Hamiton’s mole was a “picture perfect example of what melanoma looks like.”

If you’re wondering what that picture perfect example is, one person left a very helpful tweet so that you might be able to tell the difference between a marking that's benign and one that’s malignant. (Of course, this doesn’t replace getting the help of a trained professional.)

And to Nadia Popovici, who continues to be of service, thank you. More than ever, efforts to show compassion don’t go unnoticed.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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In 1969, James Earl Jones recited the ABCs on 'Sesame Street.' It was hypnotically educational.

The 'James Earl Jones effect' was real.

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James Earl Jones helped "Sesame Street" prove its pedagogical model for teaching kids the alphabet.

James Earl Jones had one of the most recognizable voices in the entertainment industry. Most of us probably heard that deep, resonant voice first as Darth Vader in "Star Wars," or perhaps Mufasa in "The Lion King," but just one or two words are enough to say, "Oh, that's definitely James Earl Jones."

Before his passing in 2024, Jones had been acting on stage and in film since the 1960s. He also has the distinction of being the first celebrity guest to be invited to "Sesame Street" during the show's debut season in 1969.

According to Muppet Wiki, clips of Jones counting to 10 and reciting the alphabet were included in unbroadcast pilot episodes and also included in one of the first official television episodes. Funnily enough, Jones originally didn't think the show would last, as he thought kids would be terrified of the muppets. Clearly, that turned out not to be the case.

Jones' alphabet recitation served as a test for the "Sesame Street" pedagogical model, which was meant to inspire interaction from kids rather than just passive absorption. Though to the untrained eye, Jones' slow recitation of the ABCs may seem either plodding or bizarrely hypnotic, there's a purpose to the way it's presented.

As education researcher and Children's Television Workshop consultant Gerald S. Lesser describes the video, "Mr. Jones' recitation of the alphabet takes a full minute and a half. He stares compellingly at the camera. At the time the sequence was made, his head was shaved for his role of Jack Johnson in 'The Great White Hope,' and it gleams in the close-up. His immense hollow voice booms the letter names ominously. His lip movements are so exaggerated that they can easily be read without the sounds.”

The letter is shown on the screen a second or so before Jones says the name of the letter, and there is a pause after he says each one. This pattern allows kids to say the name of the letter if they recognize it and then have the name reinforced by Jones. If kids don't know it, they repeat it after him. For kids who are more visual or who have auditory processing issues, seeing the letter displayed and seeing Jones' clear mouth movements as he slowly says each letter are helpful learning aids.

Lesser and other researchers coined the term "James Earl Jones effect" for how the learning process played out.

Jones' alphabet segment may have helped prove the effectiveness of "Sesame Street"'s educational model, but it's also just mesmerizing to watch. When he gets to "J" and the facial expressions really kick in? Priceless.

Watch and enjoy:

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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