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5 tricks for people with phone anxiety to gracefully end a phone call

It may seem simple, but the awkwardness of ending a phone call can feel debilitating to some.

woman on the phone
Photo credit: Canva

Phone anxiety is surprisingly common.

Some people love to talk on the phone, chatting up their friends, family, and acquaintances, effortlessly making conversation from the first "Hello?" to the final "Bye." Others would rather have a root canal done. For people with phone anxiety—also known as telephobia—phone calls are painfully uncomfortable, and just the idea of making a phone call or answering the phone can be enough to send telephobic folks into a panic.

There are far more people with phone anxiety than you might think. A study of office workers in the U.K. in 2019 found that 76 percent of millennials surveyed dealt with phone anxiety, compared with 40 percent of the boomers. Even 40 percent is a lot of people, but three out of four millennials? That's astronomical. Research from Australia shows numbers for Gen Z, who tend to be more prone to anxiety and less experienced with phone calls than their predecessors, to be even higher at a whopping 90%.

People's reasons for being anxious about phone calls vary, but much of it boils down to not being able to see the person we're talking to. In real-life conversations, we rely a lot on non-verbal communication cues, but on the phone we only have our voices to go on. Not having any idea how the person on the other end of the call is receiving what we're saying creates anxiety, and not having any physical cues that aid with the ping-pong of natural conversation can lead to awkward moments of talking over one another.

But perhaps no part of a phone call is worse than the awkwardness of ending one. In real life, you can start gathering your things or use body language to subtly indicate that you're ready to end a conversation. On the phone, you have to signal that verbally, and some of us just aren't adept at the subtleties of graceful verbal exits. "I'm ready to be done talking on the phone now" is what we want to say, but that sounds abrupt. And then there's the back-and-forth pleasantries that seem to have no naturally smooth end to them. For those with socially anxious tendencies, the awkwardness of those final moments of call is unbearable.

However, all is not hopeless for the phonephobes of the world. Ending a call is a skill you can learn and hone with a handful of tools and tricks, like these 5 ways to gracefully end a phone call.

1. Set a time expectation at the beginning of the call that you can reference at the end

This is a "start with the end in mind" tip. When there's a time frame set at the beginning of the call, it's easier to wrap things up without seeming overly eager to get off the phone. Offering a shorter amount of time than you think the call might take helps here. If you know you're not going to want to talk for more than 15 minutes, say you have "about 10 minutes" and then you can give them a little extra. Pepper in some pleasantries, and this trick can give you a natural time to start ending the call.

Beginning of the call: "Hey there! So happy to hear from you! I've got about a half an hour to chat."

After 30 minutes: "Gosh, that time went so fast! I do have to get going, though…"

And if you want it to be a quick call: "Hi! I've got 5 minutes here. What's up?"

At 5 minutes: "I wish I had more time, but let's chat again soon."

If you're the one making the call, you can still set a time frame expectation: "Hey, do you have 10 minutes to chat?" or "I won't keep you long, I just wanted to ask you about…"

2. As you start to feel ready to end the call, indicate a specific amount of time you have left to talk

Instead of, "Okay, I have to go now," which can feel awkward and abrupt, tell the person you have just a minute or two before you have to get off the phone. You don't even have to say what you're doing, just indicate that you need to go soon.

"I've got about a minute before I have to go…"

"I have to run in like two minutes, but I want to hear about…"

"Let me tell share this one last thought and then I have to go."

3. Start using past tense to talk about the conversation you just had

If the goal is to lead the person to the end of the conversation, start talking about it like it's already ending.

"It's been so great to chat with you!"

"This conversation has been so lovely. I've really enjoyed talking with you."

"So glad you called! It was so nice to catch up."

"I'm glad we had the chance to talk about this. It was really important/helpful/enlightening."

4. Express gratitude for the call

A lot of hesitation with ending a call is being afraid the other person with feel like you're trying to get away from them or that you're tired of talking to them. Sometimes that might be the case, but even if it is, you won't want to seem rude. One way to mitigate that is to thank them, which is simple courtesy anyway but also an indicator that it's time to wrap up.

"Thanks so much for calling!"

"I'm so grateful I had the chance to talk with you."

"Thank you for taking the time to chat with me. I really appreciate it."

5. Focus the final wrap up on the other person

So often anxiety makes it so we focus more on what we're saying or thinking about saying than what the other person is saying. But if you focus on really listening, you can reflect back what the person was talking about as way to indicate it's time to conclude the call.

"Oh my gosh, I've just loved hearing about how your job is going and what so-and-so has been up to. So glad things are going so well."

"Well, I'm really sorry to hear about [whatever struggle they've shared] and I hope things turn around soon."

"I've got to get going, but best of luck on your [something they talked about]. You'll have to let me know how it goes."

Ending a phone call may feel like torture for some of us, but as with most anxieties, exposure helps. The more you practice with some specific skills like utilizing the above tips, the easier and more natural it becomes. You might still prefer not to make phone calls if you can help it, but at least when you find yourself on a call, you'll find it easier to leave the conversation without too much excruciating awkwardness.

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Pop Culture

Brit shares the one-word 'dead giveaway' that American actors are doing an English accent

There's one word they never get right.

via Warner Bros Discovery

Peter Dinklage on "Game of Thrones?

When it comes to actors doing accents across the pond, some Americans are known for their great British accents, such as Natalie Portman ("The Other Boleyn Girl"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Sherlock Homes"), and Meryl Streep ("The Iron Lady").

Some have taken a lot of heat for their cartoonish or just plain weird-sounding British accents, Dick Van Dyke ("Mary Poppins"), Kevin Costner ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") and Keanu Reeves ("Bram Stoker's Dracula").

Some actors, such as Tom Hardy (“The Drop”) and Hugh Laurie (“House”), have American accents so good that people have no idea they are British.

Benedict Townsend, a London-based comedian and host of the “Scroll Deep” podcast, says there is one word that American actors playing characters with a British accent never get right. And no, it’s not the word “Schedule,” which British people pronounce the entire first 3 letters, and Americans boil down to 2. And it’s not “aluminum,” which British and American people seem to pronounce every stinking letter differently.

@benedicttown

The one word American actors aways get wrong when doing an English accent

What word do American actors always get wrong when they do British accents?

“There is one word that is a dead giveaway that an English character in a movie or a TV show is being played by an American. One word that always trips them up. And once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it,” Townsend says. “You would see this lot in ‘Game of Thrones’ and the word that would always trip them up was ‘daughter.’”

Townsend adds that when British people say “daughter,” they pronounce it like the word “door” or “door-tah.” Meanwhile, Americans, even when they are putting on a British accent, say it like “dah-ter.”

“So top tip if you are an actor trying to do an English accent, daughter like a door. Like you're opening a door,” Townsend says.



What word do British actors always get wrong when doing American accents?

Some American commenters returned the favor by sharing the word that British actors never get right when using American accents: “Anything.”

"I can always tell a Brit playing an American by the word anything. An American would say en-ee-thing. Brits say it ena-thing,” Dreaming_of_Gaea wrote. "The dead giveaway for English people playing Americans: ‘Anything.’ Brits always say ‘EH-nuh-thin,’” marliemagill added.

"I can always tell an actor is English playing an American when they say ‘anything.’ English people always say it like ‘enny-thin,’” mkmason wrote.



What is the cot-caught merger?

One commenter noted that the problem goes back to the cot-caught merger, when Americans in the western US and Canadians began to merge different sounds into one. People on the East Coast and in Britain pronounce them as different sounds.

“Depending on where you live, you might be thinking one of two things right now: Of course, ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound exactly the same! or There’s no way that ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound the same!” Laura McGrath writes at DoYouReadMe. “As a result, although the different spellings remain, the vowel sounds in the words cot/caught, nod/gnawed, stock/stalk are identical for some English speakers and not for others.”

American actors owe Townsend a debt of gratitude for pointing out the one thing that even the best can’t seem to get right. He should also give the commenters a tip of the cap for sharing the big word that British people have trouble with when doing an American accent. Now, if we could just get through to Ewan McGregor and tell him that even though he is fantastic in so many films, his American accent still needs a lot of work.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Woman asks neighbor to 'turn down' Super Bowl recaps and is left stunned by his 'classy reply'

"This is how you neighbor.”

Photo credit: Canva, @operarose/Reddit

More neighbor interactions like this, please.

Unless you’re living on some vast acreage in the middle of nowhere, you’re probably going to interact with a neighbor or two. That goes double for the 44 million Americans who are apartment dwellers. And of course, not all of these interactions will be pleasant. There’s gonna be times when we, or our neighbor, don’t exactly take others’ boundaries into consideration. These moments of conflict can—and let’s face it, often do—turn into ugly, drawn out rivalries unnecessarily.

Luckily, in this case, the opposite happened. A woman recently shared online how she “had to get out of bed” at 12:30 am to ask her neighbor, who apparently had been watching Super Bowl recaps, to “turn it down.” Not only did the neighbor not get defensive about this request, he left a pretty sweet apology gift outside her door the next morning.

Along with a bottle of California Roots wine, the neighbor left a note, which read:

“Good Morning,

I got too carried away watching recaps from the Superbowl, and I didn’t realize how loud my TV was. I’m so sorry for not being considerate with the volume.”

Okay, amazing. This person took accountability and acknowledged how their actions affected someone else. Pretty stellar apology already, but he took it one step further to really make his neighbor feel heard and thought of, and leave some good vibes.

His note continued:

“In positive news, the cookies ya’ll made for Christmas were amazing! Please allow me to return the favor. -1723.”

Had to get out of bed and go ask the upstairs neighbor (whom I've never actually met) to turn it down at about 12:30 am this morning. Found this outside my door when I woke up.
byu/operarose inMadeMeSmile

Seems like the neighbor made the right call, since the OP would later write, “It's good wine! Never had this brand before, but I definitely recommend it.”

All in all, people were really impressed with how both of them handled the situation. One person congratulated them “for “spontaneously demonstrating how to be an adult. This is how all interactions should be, with each taking responsibility and no one getting butt-hurt that they were having their rights curtailed.” Another echoed,, “Awesome! And a classy reply!”

Here are a few other honorable mentions:

"This is how you neighbor.”

“So good to know that there are still decent people out there.”

“More of this is needed in the world.”

“Wouldn't it be great if everyone was more like this? I miss civilized society, I didn't realize people were still this considerate these days.”

What makes a good apology?

Do all apologies, neighbor oriented or otherwise, need to include a gift of some sort? Of course not. However, there are some key ingredients needed. Six, or six and a half(ish), to be exact, according to Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy, the authors of the book Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies.

Those six (and a half) components, listed in order or “importance” are:

  • Actually using the words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.”
  • Specifying the transgression you’re apologizing for.
  • Showing you understand why your actions were harmful and hurtful, as well as what effect it had on the other person.
  • Offering an explanation if needed, while avoiding making excuses
  • Expressing what you are doing to ensure this situation won’t happen again.
  • Offering to fix what’s broken — be it with physically damaged time (replacing a broken vase), or emotional damage (attending a loved one’s event)
  • Bonus ingredient—listening to the experience of the person who was wronged.

This neighbor clearly had many, if not most, of these elements covered in his letter, which not only resolved the issue, but provided an opportunity for connection between himself and his neighbor. This is the opportunity we miss out on in refusing to apologize, or offering an insincere apology. Perhaps by swallowing our pride (in moments where it’s appropriate, obviously) we, in turn, invite the gift of connection in. Suddenly “sorry” doesn't feel so scary to say.

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Joy

Adorable Golden Retriever absolutely loses it when he runs into his vet at a bar

No one has ever been this excited to see their doctor.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

@cosmo_andtheoddparents When you run into your vet in public #goldenretrieversoftiktok #vetlife #animallovers #petparents #goldenretriever #goldenretrievers #doglife #dogmom #dailyfluff #charlestondogs #doglover #charlestondog #brewerydog ♬ original sound - Cosmo

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

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Joy

The world's greatest mentalist reveals 5-second trick to never forget someone's name

It's fun, weird, and will make people like you way more.

Unsplash

The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.

Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed.

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you.

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique.)

Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.

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Education & Information

Film shown to high schoolers in 1948 exposes the tactics of propaganda still relevant today

"What are 'glittering generalities?'"

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Propaganda exposed in 1948 film shown to highs schoolers

Propaganda is a word we often hear thrown around when someone says something we don't agree with. It doesn't matter if what's being said is factually true or not. The word has been so overused that people may not recognize actual propaganda when they see it. Americans aren't well versed in recognizing propaganda outside of the brief disclaimer that other countries used propaganda during wartime.

There's not much of a deep dive on the topic in schools but at one point in history, it was completely normal for high schoolers to be taught how to spot propaganda. In the 40s, juniors and seniors in high school were required to learn about how propaganda mixes language and images to persuade people to believe one thing over another even if it wasn't true. The goal for propaganda was to get people emotionally invested in whatever was being pushed so they'd be more likely to trust what they were hearing.

America was so invested in teaching about the pitfalls of propaganda that they put together a video explaining different ways to recognize it. This was designed to come in handy for the deluge of information coming out about WWII at the time and eventually the Cold War. People needed to be able to critically pick apart what they were reading, seeing and hearing so they could best decipher the truth.

Oak Ridge High School Library | Free Photo - rawpixelwww.rawpixel.com

While America is not currently at war, learning to decipher propaganda is still relevant today, especially given how quickly information moves nowadays. In the 1948 film sold to high schools across the country, an older man shares with a high school boy ways to identify propaganda by first listing some of the techniques.

The techniques of propaganda listed are glittering generalities, transfer, name-calling, card-stacking, testimonial, plain folks, and bandwagon. They then go through each technique to breakdown what they look like in practice. Many of the techniques listed may be easily identifiable in modern American politics and advertisements.

grayscale photography of children sitting inside room Photo by Austrian National Library on Unsplash

Examples given for glittering generalities are "good government" and "real American" used in different campaigns. But the faux politician asks the boy what is "good government" and is it the same as what the mayor considers to be "good government." This gets the young man's wheels turning. In his example for card-stacking he plays a recording where the mayoral candidate blames a water issue on the current mayor.

"That's what we call card-stacking. Cooper was mayor when the pumping station broke down but it was the man in office before him who allowed it to get into such a rundown condition and it finally gave way before he could get anything done," the man explains.

File:Oliver twist.gif - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

The boy then clarifies the information he is hearing, "and card-stacking is choosing some facts and leaving out others and arranging them to suit your purpose."

Once the teen understands some of the basic propaganda techniques, he and the man take another look at a campaign film they've previously watched, allowing the boy a chance to identify the types of propaganda techniques used.

"You'll find that the purpose of most propaganda is to persuade people to believe something, to do something or to buy something," the man says before later adding, "whenever you're tracking down propaganda, get as many different points of view as you can."

Gathering as much factual information as you can from multiple different points of view and different sources is important for any sort of research, but it's especially important when the goal is to sell you something or win your vote. Showing a film like this one in high school may be helpful in ensuring people continue to be able to recognize the persuasive techniques used in political and marketing ads to encourage critical thinking and informed decision-making.

"I think I understand," the boy says. "To know whether propaganda is good or not, whether it's true or not, I should know the purpose, recognize the technique, get the facts and judge the purpose and technique by the facts."

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