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5 magical mind tricks to help you declutter your home

Can figuring out how to fold your underwear help you process your past and trust yourself more? According to Marie Kondo, the author of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up," it definitely can.

I bought this book at the airport. I was drawn to the words "life-changing magic." Turns out that was an accurate description and a good decision. This book was magic.

Sparkly star emphasis mine. Image via me.

What really what sets this book apart is the perspective it has on tidying. Tidying isn't really about knowing your drawer space, tidying is about knowing yourself.

And because of that, much to my surprise, this book taught me about joy.

Here are just five of the joy-inducing, perspective-shifting principles of Kondo's amazing book:

1. Don't blame yourself for not knowing how. Tidying is not a gift; it's a skill.

The author dispels a big myth right out of the gate. That myth? That you should just *know* how to tidy.

"The general assumption, in Japan at least, is that tidying doesn't need to be taught but rather is picked up naturally."

That's pretty crippling, huh? Either you have the gift or you don't. Sorry, messier folks, there's no hope for you! Wrong.

The fact is, you can't tidy if you never learned how. That's the title of one of the very first chapters! And learning to tidy doesn't involve magic, and it's not a gift that the Tidy Fairy bestows once in a generation.

You don't need magic to be tidy. Save it for flying, Mary! Image via "Mary Poppins."

Tidying is a simple physical act, like a dance move. It's something anyone can learn.

Here are the two tidying "dance moves:"

  1. Decide whether or not to dispose of something.
  2. Decide where to put what you keep.

And when you do the moves, you're doing it right. But there's one special sauce to add ... FEELINGS!

2. You can trust yourself and your emotions. They're actually very precise in their wisdom.

The secret sauce of the one-two step of tidying above is ... put a little feeling in it! (OK, put a lot of feeling in it! You deserve it.) When you're tidying, feel your clothes. Then feel your feelings. If you feel a jolt of joy, you're keepin' it.


If your tiny phone brings you joy, hold on to it. Image via "Saturday Night Live."

Your emotions are your divining rod, leading you toward goodness.

"You're not deciding what to throw out, you're deciding what to keep. In your house, but also in your mind and in your future."

And they're precise! According to Kondo, if you really listen to that jolt of joy, you'll wind up with the PERFECT amount of possessions. You cannot fail yourself.

3. No comparing.

This is your dance.

Rihanna gets it.

As Kondo says, "You are the standard." I love how straightforward this principle is. You can't possibly compare your tidying process to anyone else's. Those jolts of joy that are telling you to keep one item but not the other? Those are your jolts and yours alone. They're special!

4. Be prepared for completing, not for starting.

"Storage should reduce effort to put things away, not effort to get them out. "

You'll start that project anyway, but will you be ready for the NEXT start? This doesn't mean you should always be looking toward the future. Rather, it means that the hard part is moving on.

Create a world where you can put what you're doing away and move on to the next phase.


Next adventure, please. GIF via Henrik Nielsen/YouTube.

Finally, the most mind blowing thing ... why tidying in this way really matters:

5. It's not actually about your stuff. It's about YOU.

Kondo talks about sorting through clothes, books, and mementos in a very personal way.

"It is not our memories but the person we have become because of those past experiences that we should treasure."

This is where it gets very "your possessions have a lot to tell you," a la Beauty and the Beast.

GIF via "Beauty and the Beast."

Because you're not just processing your stuff, you're processing your past.

"By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past."

For example, that book you haven't read isn't a negative representation of your lack of stick-to-it-ness. If you haven't read that book, perhaps its purpose wasn't to be READ by you, but to teach you that you didn't really need to read it.

And by dropping unused things that don't bring you joy in your home, you drop things that don't bring you joy in your life! And along the way, you discover you might just be doing it — aka life — right.

Just imagine all your unused things saying, "You got this," as you toss them into the resale bag. That's right, even your possessions believe in you!

It's as easy as going through your stuff and noting what brings you joy.

And when something brings you joy, in your closet or in your life, KEEP IT. It's as simple as that.

Personally, I needed to learn that. And, not gonna lie, it's kinda working for me! I'm sharing this story in the hopes that you or someone you know gets a little jolt of joy knowing they're not the world's most messy person, but just on a journey of knowledge!

That's some magic.

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Subaru
Subaru
Joy

5 things that made us smile this week

People supporting thousands of local charities? Yes, please.

True


Good news—you know we love it. And we know you love it, too. Which is why we’ve searched the internet high and low for things guaranteed to brighten up your work week, such as:

This former cheerleader busting a movie

You're only as old as you feel—at least, that’s what Michigan woman Ilagene Doehring seems to think. Now 97, Doerhing was reminiscing about her time as a high school cheerleader 80 years ago at Merrill High School—a squad she helped create after noticing her school didn’t have one of their own. Caretakers at her nursing home reached out on social media to see if someone had an old uniform Doehring could wear one last time—and the current cheer coach at Merrill High School, Jena Glazer, went above and beyond. Glazier and the entire cheer team showed up to her assisted living facility to deliver the uniform and perform a cheer with the current team.

This company's way to support hometown charities

The annual Subaru Share the Love® Event is a chance to help local communities in a big way. Subaru and its retailers will donate at least $300 to local charities for every new Subaru purchased or leased through January 2nd, 2025—and by the end of 2024 (their 17th year of hosting this event), they’ll have donated nearly $320 million to charities across the nation. We love seeing local communities getting the support they deserve!

This mom’s “magic answer” to her kid’s Tooth Fairy and Santa questions

Most parents dread the moment when their kids start asking about mythical creatures like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus—but it turns out you can preserve the magic of childhood while also being honest with your kids. TikTok creator KC Davis, who is also a licensed therapist, showed this perfectly when she shared about the time her 4-year-old asked if the tooth fairy was real. She asked them “Do you want the magic answer, or the grownup answer?” Utter perfection. (Her daughter chose the magic answer, by the way.)

This guy who drove 11 hours to be with his grandma

@jodiegarner12 @TheModernGolfer drove 11.5 hours to surprise his queen as it was her late husband’s birthday today. Never forgotten and will always look after his grandmother ❤️🌹#loyalty #family @Rosalie Gessey ♬ These Memories - Hollow Coves

Holidays can be painful when you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one. Which is why on the anniversary of his late grandfather’s birthday, professional golfer Jordie Garner drove eleven hours to spend time with his grandmother so she wouldn’t have to be alone. This adorable video shows Jordie showing up to surprise his grandmother, with flowers and a present in hand. Now that’s true love.

This mom's sweet "I love you" surprise

@goodnewscorrespondent

Daughter is surprised when her mom, who is non-verbal with Alzheimers, replies I LOVE YOU! ❤️ As a daughter of a mom with ALZ, this had me in tears. 😭💞 Cherish these moments. @momolarks800

♬ original sound - Good News Correspondent

Tiktok user @momolarks80 caught an unexpected (and heartwarming) message when she filmed herself and her mother saying hello. Living with Alzheimer’s and mostly nonverbal, her mother surprised her with a rare “I love you”—to which the daughter responds by planting a kiss on her cheek. Talk about wholesome.

For more reasons to smile, check out all the ways Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season, here.

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Education

The one sign that someone is highly intelligent, according to literary genius Leo Tolstoy

He was a master of understanding the human condition.

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File:L.N.Tolstoy Prokudin-Gorsky.jpg - Wikipedia

Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as"War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina.” His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul. His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.

Juan de Medeiros, a TikTokker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent, and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.

“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”

@julianphilosophy

Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women

De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.

It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.

Through the words of Tolstoy, de Medeiros makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence. Truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

Elton John hired a sniper for his ultimate prank against lifelong 'frenemy' Rod Stewart

The rock legends have a long history of playing viscous pranks on one another.

via John Bielawa/Wikimedia Commons and Ernst Vikne/Wikimedia Commons

Elton John and Rod Stewart.

For over 50 years, rock ‘n roll legends Elton John and Rod Stewart have been historic “frenemies” and pranked each other in grand ways that only people worth hundreds of millions of dollars can. “We try and publicize the fact that we always have a go at each other in the papers, but in fact, we do that for reasons known only to us. Actually, we're really good friends,” John told David Frost in 1983. The rockers even have drag names for one another, John calls Stewart “Phyllis, and Stewart calls John “Sharon.”

The rivalry came to a head in 1985 when John saw the perfect opportunity to cut Stewart’s ego down to size. The “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” singer was playing a series of dates at London’s Earl’s Court and had enormous balloons, the size of blimps with his face on them, hanging above the venue to advertise the shows.

John couldn’t miss such an incredible opportunity to prank Stewart. So, he had a sniper bring down the balloon with an air rifle. “I was staying in London and could see it from my hotel room. It was too good an opportunity to miss. So I called my management, who hired someone to shoot it down: apparently, it landed on top of a double-decker bus and was last seen heading towards Putney,” John recalled.



“An hour later, the phone went. It was Rod, spluttering: 'Where's my f***ing balloon gone? It was you, wasn't it? You cow! You bitch!' A year later, when I was playing Olympia, the promoters hung a huge banner across the street. It was mysteriously cut down immediately after it was put up,” John continued. “I learned this had happened from Rod, who seemed curiously well-informed. 'Such a shame about your banner, love. I heard it wasn't even up five minutes. I bet you didn't even get to see it.’”



John and Stewart may have enjoyed a friendly rivalry over the years, but a few years ago, things turned sour. In 2019, Stewart criticized John for going on multiple farewell tours and it rankled the “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” singer. “Talking about retirement, I’ve never spoken about retirement, and if I do retire, I won’t make an announcement. I’ll just fade away,” Stewart said in 2018. “I don’t think this big deal, ‘I’m going to retire’ – it stinks of selling tickets…it’s dishonest. It’s not rock and roll.”

Stewart even emailed John, ribbing him for having multiple farewell tours, but didn’t receive a response.

“He was accusing me of being dishonest about one of the biggest decisions of my life. What’s more, I thought he had a cheek, complaining about me promoting a tour while he was sat on a TV show promoting his own tour,” John wrote in his memoir.

The comments may have hurt John, but Stewart did have a point. In 2015, John had a “Final Curtain” tour, but then in 2018 hopped back behind the piano for a 330-date “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” tour that lasted until 2023.

But Stewart later revealed that it was all water under the bridge and the two were able to leave the comments behind them. “I was a bit spiteful when he announced his tour. I regret it. I really do regret it. So we’re mates again now. I do love him,” Stewart said.

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Family

People are supporting a dad whose wife named their newborn while he went out for coffee

He didn't like the name, either. Shouldn’t it be a 50/50 decision?

via Canva

A mother smiles proudly after naming her baby.

Most people believe that both parents have an equal right to choose their baby’s name and that it should result from an agreement between both parties. That doesn't mean it’s always easy for both people to agree on the same name, but look, if you’re going to be a successful parent, you must know how to make compromises occasionally. Starting the job with your heels dug in does not bode well for anyone.

That’s why the following story is interesting. It shows what happens when a mother decides she can make the decision all by herself and what the fallout is like when her husband and his family find out. The story was recently shared on social media, and the commenters were shocked that she wasn’t sure if she was in the wrong.

"So, my (32F) husband (33M) and I just had our first baby girl a couple of weeks ago,” she begins the story. “We’d been going back and forth on names during my entire pregnancy. I really wanted to name her Eleanor after my late grandmother, who basically raised me when my parents weren’t around. She was my hero, and losing her last year was devastating. Honoring her felt deeply important.”

The woman’s husband preferred modern names such as Nova or Ember, which the mother just “couldn’t connect with,” so they never compromised.

baby names, parents of newborns, momsCaouple can't agree on baby names.via Canva

“On the day our daughter was born, while my husband stepped out to grab coffee, a nurse asked if we had a name for the birth certificate. I know I should have waited, but I was emotional and felt this rush of conviction. I just blurted out, ‘Eleanor.’”

When the husband returned with the coffee, he was “furious.”

“He said I’d blindsided him, robbed him of having a say, and that our daughter would hate her 'old lady' name. His family is also calling me manipulative. I feel terrible about the timing and how it all went down, but it’s not like we hadn’t discussed Eleanor before. I just feel like I honored a name that truly mattered to me when he wouldn’t budge.”

The mother asked the commenters if the father was overreacting because “we couldn’t find common ground.”

The commenters overwhelmingly supported the father in the situation. “You made a unilateral decision about your shared child,” the top commenter wrote. “You literally started her life by using her as a centerpiece for conflict with your husband. You also isolated her from your husband during the first major decision regarding her. What a terrible way to start her life.”

“‘…it’s not like we hadn’t discussed Eleanor before.’ You discussed it and he said no. Personally, I think the name Eleanor is lovely, but that’s not the issue,” another commenter noted. “You unilaterally made a decision —a decision a you knew your husband disagreed with—about your—both of your—child. Your giving birth doesn’t make this child any less his. Your husband and his family are absolutely right. You blindsided him."

baby names, parents of newborns, momsA newborn baby. via Canva

However, a few commenters believed whoever birthed the child had the right to pick the name, even if the father disagreed. “This might be the only daughter you have and if he can’t make it meaningful for you when you just risked your life for this baby and let you have the win then idk,” one of the few supporters of the mother wrote. ”I would let him pick the middle name. Trendy names are overrated.”

The woman who posted her story has yet to follow up and share what happened next, but let’s hope she took the commenters’ advice and apologized to her husband and changed the baby's name. Most agree that it's not fair for him to call his daughter a name he doesn’t like for the rest of their lives and it will always be a sore spot in their relationship. It’s best to bring a child into a family where everyone is on the same page and agrees on the things that matter most.

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Joy

The 'middle seat rule' and other unspoken airplane etiquette passengers should know

How are people who don't travel frequently supposed to know these things?

Photo credit: Canva

Avoid common faux pas on airplanes with these unwritten rules.

When you fly on an airplane, you agree to abide the passenger rules set by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), even if you don't know what all of them are. If a crew member catches you breaking an FAA rule, they will definitely let you know. But there are other "rules" of airline travel, largely unspoken and unwritten, that people who fly frequently abide by as well. If you don't travel a lot, you may not be aware of these rules, and it's not likely that someone will tell you if you break them, but knowing them makes air travel much more pleasant for everyone.

The middle seat rule

Most people have a preference for which seat they prefer—window, middle or aisle—with almost no one preferring to sit in the middle. (According to a survey from Going, 53% of people prefer the window seat, 46% prefer the aisle and a whopping 1% want the middle seat.) The window seat gets the views and control of the window shade and the aisle seat gets extra elbow room and controls when the row exits, but the middle seat only seems to come with down sides. Since the middle seat is basically the booby prize of air travel, the person who occupies it deserves to have at least one perk—control over the middle armrests.

empty row of airplane seatsThose two middle armrests go to the middle seat occupant.Photo credit: Canva

The middle seat rule means that the aisle and window seat occupants let person in the middle seat use the two middle armrests. What else do those poor souls have, really?

The rules of reclining

Few airline etiquette topics are more contentious than the "right to recline." The vast majority of economy airline seats have a button that allows the seat back to recline a few inches, but whether or not you should use it is a question without a clear answer. It's become even more of a question mark in the era of ever-shrinking legroom, with passengers fighting for every inch of space they can get.

Though people have strong opinions one way or the other, the general consensus for reclining "rules" seems to be that the courteous thing to do is 1) alert the person behind you that you want to recline, 2) don't recline during a meal, 3) avoid reclining on short-haul flights, 4) don't recline on someone who is using a laptop, and 5) when you do recline, ease the seat back slowly.

The headphones rule

There are actually two rules when it comes to headphones: 1) Wear them if you're watching or listening to something. No one wants to hear whatever you're watching or listening to. And 2) If someone's wearing headphones, don't try to chat them up.

woman wearing earbudsDon't talk to people wearing headphones or earbuds unless you really have to.Photo credit: Canva

Some people are airplane talkers and some aren't, but headphones a surefire way to signal that you're not up for chatting with strangers. If someone is wearing headphones or earbuds, that's a clear "please don't talk to me" sign, so unless there's something you really have to ask or tell someone wearing them, leave them to themselves.

The headrest rule

We all know getting in and out of the middle or window seats to go to the restroom can be a challenge, but if at all possible, try to avoid grabbing onto the headrests of the seats in front of you for leverage. It's better to move more slowly to climb your way across the seats than to seize someone's headrest like it's a grab bar. If you've ever tried to nap on a plane and had your headrest yanked suddenly with someone's full body weight, you understand this rule first hand.

The rules of deplaning

Getting onto a flight is a pretty orderly process since there are assigned seats and boarding groups and whatnot. But getting off the plane is another story. As soon as the plane parks at the gate and the seatbelt sign is turned off, it feels like the whole plane collectively thinks they'll just be able to stand up and walk off, but that's not how it works.

people sitting on an airplaneSit tight until the plane doors open and the front rows start emptying.Photo credit: Canva

First of all, it takes several minutes to get the plane doors ready to open, so standing up and filing into the aisle is a fairly useless practice (which also tends to make people feel a bit impatient). Sitting tight until the first people start actually deplaning keeps things a bit more relaxed.

But more importantly, some people seem to think deplaning is a free-for-all, with whoever can make it into the aisle with their luggage first taking priority, but that's not how it works. Emptying the plane row by row from the front to the back is The Way, so waiting patiently until the rows in front of you empty before filing out makes deplaning more efficient and less hectic.

Most unspoken rules, on airplanes or elsewhere, are based on common sense and/or courtesy. But since air travel comes with its own unique peculiarities, what's sensible or courteous may not be obvious, so it helps to have those rules explained. When everyone on the plane is on the same page, it makes for a much more pleasant travel experience for all.

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Health

8 simple, expert-approved ways to deal with a partner who is 'incredibly negative'

And how to suss out when it might be time to leave.

Photo credit: Canva

Couples therapist Jeff Guenther shares 8 strategies for dealing with negative partners.

It’s just a fact of life that sometimes our partners will be in foul moods. But when the occasional bouts of crankiness become a full blown personality—that’s a bit of a different issue, as chronic negativity can cause actual harm to a relationship.

At the same time, it’s important to now throw the baby out with the bathwater. If your partner still has plenty of other redeeming qualities, then it might be worth exploring how establishing new boundaries can possibly salvage things. Plus, nearly all of us have probably been through a difficult chapter where we weren’t at our best for extended periods of time. And it’s often those times that we need support from a loved one most of all.

All this to say—it’s not always an easy road to navigate, knowing when to give our cantankerous partner grace or when to cut ties. But couples therapist Jeff Guenther, who regularly shares relationship advice via his @therapyjeff TikTok account, has eight different ways folks can address 'incredibly negative’ partners through honest communication, which can be great starting points.

First, Guenther urges us to “validate” our partner’s feelings to establish empathy. “Maybe they keep repeating themselves because that's all they need from you,” he explained, adding, “feel free to meet them where they are at and be a little negative too, just don't live there.”

Second, he recommended being “straightforward” about the “impact” this negativity has had, jokingly adding to use all the “therapy speak” he’s imparted in previous videos. Example: “I wanna hold space and offer support for your negative feelings but constant negativity feels overwhelming my nervous system. Can we work together to find more balance?”

@therapyjeff 8 ways to deal with a partner who’s incredibly negative. #therapy #mentalhealth #dating #relationshiptips #datingadvice ♬ original sound - TherapyJeff

Three, create a "negativity free zone,” which Guenther says “sounds dumb but works well.” To set up a negative free zone, simply set aside time or physical spaces where grumblings are off-limits. You could even make it "playful" by coming up with a special signal to “catch complaints” for later venting sessions. But, disclaimer, “don’t be a turd” about catching complaints, Guenther warns.

Four, clearly communicate "emotional boundaries” around this issue. When doing so, it’s important to focus on “I” statements, and be honest about your personal limitations. Guenther demonstrates by saying “I wanna support you, but I only have 15 minutes to hear you vent right now. After that, I need to switch gears.”

Five, encourage problem solving. Basically, when a partner begins to complain, Guenther suggests to “gently redirect” the conversation from venting to “action-oriented thinking” by asking something like, "What do you think could help fix that?" This one not only stops the complaining, but helps remind the partner of their autonomy in the situation. Though Guenther does joke that “this sh*t never works but try it anyway.”

Six is a bit similar to five, since it also involves pivoting the conversation. “Talk about something else,” he says. “Passive aggressive move? Maybe. But if they get mad you can tell them Therapy Jeff told you to do it.”

Seven, don’t take your partner’s negativity personally. Their gloominess has nothing to do with you, and might just be how they are currently “processing stress and frustration,” Guenther notes. It’s easier said than done much of the time, but none the less incredibly important that we protect own energy by not absorbing others—even the energy of our loved ones.

Lastly, if all other methods have failed, Guenther does suggest to "consider compatibility."

“If their negative feelings are chronic and unchangeable, it's okay to question things. You have permission to end the relationship if their constant negativity is dragging you down,” he concludes.

Bottom line: there are of course dealbreakers to every relationship, and constant negativity is certainly a valid one. But there’s something to be said about having strategies to deal with our partner’s not-so-lovely habits in a way that’s compassionate and empowering. At least that way, no matter what route is taken, we know that we’ve shown up in the best way possible.

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