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Menopause advocate shares 5 big perimenopause symptoms that blindside women in their 40s

OMG the itching.

woman grabbing her shoulder
Photo credit: Canva

Shoulder pain is a symptom of perimenopause?! Yep, can be.

Living in a female body is wild. There's the whole period thing to begin with. Then, for many of us, there's the pregnancy and childbirth thing that pushes your body to its limits. And then there's the menopausal stage where you get to say goodbye to periods forever. Yay!

But between those last two is a phase that has been woefully neglected by clinical research and is only now starting to get the attention it deserves. Perimenopause happens in the years prior to actual menopause. Filled with super special symptoms that seemingly come out of nowhere, perimenopause can make you feel as if you've moved into an entirely different body. Most women experience perimenopause in their 40s, though it can start as early as the mid-30s, and is something all women should be aware of.

Author and former news anchor Tamsen Fadal shared five perimenopause symptoms she wish she'd known about in her 40s on Instagram, and so many women resonated with it.


The symptoms she shared were:

1. Weight gain

It's very strange to suddenly have your baseline weight go up by 10 pounds when you didn't change anything about your diet or exercise routine. It's also strange to suddenly gain weight in parts of your body that you never previously gained weight.

"I suddenly looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my body despite changing nothing about my routine," Fadal wrote.

"I was probably in perimenopause for ten years and just thought I was going crazy. And that I was lazy and the weight gain was all my fault," shared one woman. "If only I’d known."

"Looking at food and gaining weight is not fun 😭," quipped another.

2. Sudden Anxiety

Even women who aren't prone to anxiety can start experiencing anxiety symptoms during perimenopause. And those who already deal with it can find themselves feeling anxious at a whole new level.

"I felt like I was losing my mind and no doctor was giving me a straight answer which made my anxiety through the roof," wrote Fadal.

"The freaking anxiety rocked my world 😢" shared one woman.

"I've always been anxious. What I'm noticing is now it's gotten worse and I'm feeling paranoid, crazy," wrote another.

3. Itchy skin

This one is weird and not something anyone talks about until all of a sudden you and everyone your age talks about wanting to scratch their skin off.

"Not only was my skin SO dry, it felt like I had little electric shocks underneath my skin at the most odd times," Fadal shared.

"The itchy skin is not talked about enough! Sometimes I just can’t stand it, I want to scream!"

"All.of.this!!!👏 add tinnitus, itchy ears and dry eyes to that list 🫠"


4. Irritability

Whether it's a symptom of its own or a side effect of the many other symptoms piling on is a legitimate question, but perimenopause can definitely make you want to bite someone's head off.

"The irritability isn’t something we talk about enough!" Fadal wrote. "It was like one day I woke up and suddenly I was moody over EVERYTHING and my patience was very, very low."

"I can be fine one moment then suddenly I hate everyone and want to go live in the forest by myself. Then that slides into sadness because we're all going to die. It's exhausting."

"Yes, I was very very irritable with most things that no patience whatsoever! My 15 year old son was like 'why are you always so angry?' That was something unusual of me and it was like a “wake up call” in a way that I realized I wasn’t just same and my body was always under fire with sleepless nights!"

5. Joint pain

Fadal shared that she had sudden pain in her shoulder and wasn't able to put her arm around someone for a picture. I went through about a year where I couldn't reach over to turn my bedside lamp on and off.

"The shoulder pain! So true."

"The joint pain! OMG. Started out of nowhere two weeks ago. Cannot lift arms up to get dressed and my hands are excruciating. It’s not a little bit sore… it’s a LOT sore."

"The shoulder pain out of nowhere is insane!!"

Of course, any symptoms that are concerning to you should be checked out by a medical professional and not just be assumed to be perimenopause. But what so many women shared is the same thing Fadal found when she started experiencing perimenopause symptoms—there's just not nearly enough information out there about it. That may seem shocking, considering the fact that women make up half the population and have been going through menopause for literally all of human history, but meaningful research on perimenopause really only began in the 1980s, and there's still so much that's not fully understood.

Fadal has been on a mission to get more and better information out to women about perimenopause and menopause since she had her first anxiety attack and hot flash live on the air in 2019, which left her shaking on the bathroom floor. Her book, "How to Menopause," is coming out in March of 2025 and she has co-created a documentary, "The M Factor," that will air on PBS on October 17, 2024.


Perimenopause feels impossible to prepare for, but knowledge is power and the more we understand about what's happening with our bodies and what we might expect, the more equipped we will feel when our time comes.

You can follow Tamsen Fadal on Instagram for more about menopause and perimenopause.


women's health
Family

Mom took heat for cleaning her teen's bedroom. Her response was a lesson in grace.

She won the #CleanTok controversy.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.

For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.

“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”


@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

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Joy

7th graders are asked what 30-year-olds want for Christmas and their answers are hysterical

Who doesn't love soup?

@7thgradechronicles/TikTok

According to 7th graders, 30-year-olds want soup for Christmas.

Seventh grade teacher Mr. Frakes routinely asks his students to give their observations on various aspects of adulthood to post on his TikTok.—everything from “things parents love to say” to reactions to old school songs to guessing the “worst parts about adulting." The answers are always hilarious…if not a little brutal to us olds.

His Christmas edition is no different. Mr. Frakes asked his students “what do you buy someone in their 30s for the holidays?” And the adults who saw the video can’t help but commend the accuracy.

The list is as follows, verbatim.

“Measuring cups…bwahaha.”“

"Signs that say ‘Bless The Home.’”

“A Dyson vacuum.”

“A bottle of wine and hip implants.”

“Panera bread gift card. People in their 30s love soup!”

“Bingo cards.”

“You give them Bath & Body Works stuff. That’s what my mom wants!”

“Expensive meats.”

“Hard Candies.”

“Candy Crush Premium.”

“You get them old people candles that smell like ‘home’ or ‘back then.’”

“T.J. Maxx gift card.”

“The wrinkle creams.”

“Heated blanket cause their muscles be hurtin.”

“A coffee mug that says ‘don’t talk to me til I’ve had my coffee’ because they’re all coffee obsessed millennials.”

“A lawyer for the divorce attorney. (fight for the kids).”

@7thgradechronicles Its me. I’m 30s. 😂🫣😬#teachersoftiktok #teacher #teacherlife #teachertok #middleschool #middleschoolteacher #middleschoolteacher #middleschoollife #dyson #panerabread #tjmaxx ♬ Holly Jolly Christmas - Michael Bublé

Obviously, adults who saw this joked about feeling personally attacked. But also seen.

Case and point: one person wrote, “Okay the ‘they’re all coffee obsessed millennials’ was personal” as another admitted, “I watched this while drinking coffee out of my ‘dont’ talk to me til I’ve had my coffee’ mug.”

Meanwhile, another added, “ But are they wrong? Because I honestly love soup and candles. I’m 36.”

Echoing that sentiment, someone commented, “not me thinking all those gifts sound amazing.”

And of course, everyone was eyeing that Dyson vacuum.

Growing older might mean muscles that “be hurtin’” and some judgement from the younger generation, but it clearly also comes with a deep felt appreciation for the simple, practical things in life, as indicated by this list. Nothing wrong with that.

(After all, the young ones might balk now, but it won’t be long til they become coffee obsessed as well.)

May we all get a bit of holiday joy this year, in whatever form we can.


This article originally appeared on 12.21.23

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Education

A boy told his teacher she can't understand him because she's white. Her response is on point.

'Be the teacher America's children of color deserve, because we, the teachers, are responsible for instilling empathy and understanding in the hearts of all kids. We are responsible for the future of this country.'

Photo by John Pike. Used with permission.

Emily E. Smith is no ordinary teacher.



Fifth-grade teacher Emily E. Smith is not your ordinary teacher.

She founded The Hive Society — a classroom that's all about inspiring children to learn more about their world ... and themselves — by interacting with literature and current events. Students watch TED talks, read Rolling Stone, and analyze infographics. She even has a long-distance running club to encourage students to take care of their minds and bodies.

Smith is such an awesome teacher, in fact, that she recently received the 2015 Donald H. Graves Award for Excellence in the Teaching of Writing.

It had always been her dream to work with children in urban areas, so when Smith started teaching, she hit the ground running. She had her students making podcasts, and they had in-depth discussions about their readings on a cozy carpet.

But in her acceptance speech for her award, she made it clear that it took a turning point in her career before she really got it:

"Things changed for me the day when, during a classroom discussion, one of my kids bluntly told me I "couldn't understand because I was a white lady." I had to agree with him. I sat there and tried to speak openly about how I could never fully understand and went home and cried, because my children knew about white privilege before I did. The closest I could ever come was empathy."

Smith knew that just acknowledging her white privilege wasn't enough.

She wanted to move beyond just empathy and find a way to take some real action that would make a difference for her students.

She kept the same innovative and engaging teaching methods, but she totally revamped her curriculum to include works by people who looked like her students. She also carved out more time to discuss issues that her students were facing, such as xenophobia and racism.

And that effort? Absolutely worth it.

As she said in her acceptance speech:

"We studied the works of Sandra Cisneros, Pam Munoz Ryan, and Gary Soto, with the intertwined Spanish language and Latino culture — so fluent and deep in the memories of my kids that I saw light in their eyes I had never seen before."

The changes Smith made in her classroom make a whole lot of sense. And they're easy enough for teachers everywhere to make:

— They studied the work of historical Latino figures, with some of the original Spanish language included. Many children of color are growing up in bilingual households. In 2007, 55.4 million Americans 5 years of age and older spoke a language other than English at home.

— They analyzed the vision of America that great writers of color sought to create. And her students realized that our country still isn't quite living up to its ideals. Despite progress toward racial equality with the end of laws that enforced slavery or segregation, we still have a long way to go. Black people still fare worse than white people when it comes to things like wealth, unfair arrests, and health.

— They read excerpts from contemporary writers of color, like Ta-Nehisi Coates who writes about race. Her students are reading and learning from a diverse group of writers. No small thing when they live in a society that overwhelmingly gives more attention to white male writers (and where the number of employees of color in the newspaper industry stagnates at a paltry 12%).

— They read about the Syrian crisis, and many students wrote about journeys across the border in their family history for class. The opportunity particularly struck one student; the assignment touched him so much that he cried. He never had a teacher honor the journey his family made. And he was proud of his heritage for the first time ever. "One child cried," Smith shared, "and told me he never had a teacher who honored the journey his family took to the United States. He told me he was not ashamed anymore, but instead proud of the sacrifice his parents made for him."

Opportunities like this will only increase as the number of children from immigrant families is steadily increasing. As of 2013, almost 17.4 million children under 18 have at least one immigrant parent.

Smith now identifies not just as an English teacher, but as a social justice teacher.

ethnicity, responsibility, empathy

Teaching in a racially and ethnically diverse world.

Photo by John Pike. Used with permission.

Smith's successful shift in her teaching is an example for teachers everywhere, especially as our schools become increasingly ethnically and racially diverse. About 80% of American teachers are white. But as of last year, the majority of K-12 students in public schools are now children of color.

As America's demographics change, we need to work on creating work that reflects the experiences that our students relate to. And a more diverse curriculum isn't just important for students of color. It's vital for everyone.

As Smith put it, "We, the teachers, are responsible for instilling empathy and understanding in the hearts of all kids. We are responsible for the future of this country."


This article originally appeared on 12.07.15

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People helped a dad explain his 'cheap' grocery purchases to his 11-year-old daughter

There's nothing wrong with buying generic products instead of brand names.

via Karolina Grabowska/Pexels

A dad with $5 in his wallet

Even though parents may try to shield their children from tough topics such as economics and social status, they develop their own sense of them as they age. Studies show that children as young as 5 know the difference between being poor, middle-class or wealthy.

By age 11, children are fully conscious of brands and see them as the “dominant feature in their product categorization compared with other perceptual attributes.”

A father was recently embarrassed by his 11-year-old daughter at the supermarket when she called him out for buying generic products instead of brand names. He shared the story on Reddit’s Mildly Infuriating forum, where many commenters shared advice on teaching preteens about household economics.

The post is probably relatable to a lot of parents who’ve had to tighten their budgets given the steep rise in prices over the past few years. When prices go up and your wages stay the same, providing for your family becomes even more difficult.

“Been food shopping with my kid for years. She's 11 now and has developed an opinion on everything. She questioned me on why I buy Pricerite (generic) brand items over brand name. I explained when you only have $100, you can't use it all up buying brand name foods, it goes further if you buy items at a good price,” the father explained in his post.

Even though the daughter seemed to understand her dad's point, she made fun of him to the cashier while they were checking out.

“Five minutes later, when checking out, the cashier greets us, ‘How are you doing today?’ my daughter replies, ‘It could be better. We can't eat brand-name food 'cause my dad is cheap... cheap like a bird.’ And flocks her arms and goes cheap cheap cheap cheap,” the embarrassed father shared.

A group of commenters stepped in to help the exasperated father teach his daughter how to make sound economic decisions while giving her a lesson in manners.

“Next time shopping, have her bring a calculator and put in the name brand prices for each item. Then when she gets to $100, say if we bought the name brand, this is all we would be getting, since we aren't, I can get more food,” SnooWords4839 wrote. “Hang in there, kids sometimes need visual aids while learning.”

Another commenter thought it would be a good idea for the child to learn generic and name-brand products are often quite alike. Maybe that way, she’d understand that her dad isn’t just frugal but smart.

“Do a blind taste test sometime between generic and brand name,” Tubagoat suggested. “And ask her why someone would pay more for something that tastes exactly the same. Then when she thinks she's getting wise to your ways, blindfold her and have her taste two of the same store brand samples.”

Another person suggested a real-world way to teach a child about spending is by comparing cereal that comes in a bag versus the type that comes in a box.

“I once gave my kids $5 each to buy their favorite cereal (this, of course, was when name brand cereal was about $3 a box) they were happy to have their favorite name brand but quickly realized it didn’t last as long as the bag cereal mom buys,” ColorMeSlowly wrote. “They were disappointed and never asked for their name-brand cereal again.”

Another commenter believed the real lesson the daughter should take from the exchange is about respect.

“This is not about money, this is your child being absurdly disrespectful to you,” Luxxielisbon wrote. “Even if you were cheap and not budget conscious, that’s still your decision (assuming of course children are not being neglected). I would never presume to tell my parents what to do with their money. When she earns her own, she can decide how to spend it.”

Making it through hard times is an exercise in resourcefulness but also one in character. It teaches us to be resilient, adaptive, gracious and, most importantly, humble. For parents, hard times can also be a way to impart those tough lessons to our children so they can navigate the tough times in their lives with grit and grace.


This article originally appeared on 8.22.23

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Mental Health

Semicolon tattoo: Here's what it means and why it matters.

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

A semicolon tattoo


Have you seen anyone with a semicolon tattoo like the one above?

If not, you may not be looking close enough. They're popping up...

Semicolon Tattoo

Semicolon Tattoo

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

...everywhere.

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

That's right: the semicolon. It's a tattoo that has gained popularity in recent years, but unlike other random or mystifying trends, this one has a serious meaning behind it. (And no, it's not just the mark of a really committed grammar nerd.)

The semicolon tattoo represents mental health struggles and the importance of suicide prevention.


Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.


Project Semicolon was born from a social media movement in 2013.

They describe themselves as a "movement dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction, and self-injury. Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love, and inspire."

But why a semicolon?

"A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life."

Originally created as a day where people were encouraged to draw a semicolon on their bodies and photograph it, it quickly grew into something greater and more permanent. Today, people all over the world are tattooing the mark as a reminder of their struggle, victory, and survival.

Photo by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

Photos by The Semicolon Tattoo Project.

I spoke with Jenn Brown and Jeremy Jaramillo of The Semicolon Tattoo Project, an organization inspired by the semicolon movement. Along with some friends, Jenn and Jeremy saw an opportunity to both help the community and reduce the stigma around mental illness.

In 2012, over 43 million Americans dealt with a mental illness. Mental illness is not uncommon, yet there is a stigma around it that prevents a lot of people from talking about it — and that's a barrier to getting help.

More conversations that lead to less stigma? Yes please.

"[The tattoo] is a conversation starter," explains Jenn. "People ask what it is and we get to tell them the purpose."

"I think if you see someone's tattoo that you're interested in, that's fair game to start a conversation with someone you don't know," adds Jeremy. "It provides a great opportunity to talk. Tattoos are interesting — marks we put on our bodies that are important to us."

In 2014, The Semicolon Tattoo Project held an event at several tattoo shops where people could get a semicolon tattoo for a flat rate. "That money was a fundraiser for our crisis center," said Jenn. In total, over 400 people received semicolon tattoos in one day. Even better, what began as a local event has spread far and wide, and people all over the world are getting semicolon tattoos.

And it's not just about the conversation — it's about providing tangible support and help too.

Jenn and Jeremy work with the Agora Crisis Center. Founded in 1970, it's one of the oldest crisis centers in the country. Through The Semicolon Tattoo Project, they've been able to connect even more people with the help they need during times of crisis. (If you need someone to talk to, scroll to the end of the article for the center's contact information.)

So next time you see this small punctuation tattoo, remember the words of Upworthy writer Parker Molloy:

"I recently decided to get a semicolon tattoo. Not because it's trendy (though, it certainly seems to be at the moment), but because it's a reminder of the things I've overcome in my life. I've dealt with anxiety, depression, and gender dysphoria for the better part of my life, and at times, that led me down a path that included self-harm and suicide attempts.

But here I am, years later, finally fitting the pieces of my life together in a way I never thought they could before. The semicolon (and the message that goes along with it) is a reminder that I've faced dark times, but I'm still here."

No matter how we get there, the end result is so important: help and support for more people to also be able to say " I'm still here."

If you want to see more incredible semicolon tattoos, check out nine photos and stories that our readers shared with us!


This article was written by Laura Willard and originally appeared on 7.7.15

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