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4 things your friend with clinical depression wants you to know.

This story was originally published on The Mighty and Better Than We Deserve.

Most of us have had it happen — the conversation that reveals someone we know, possibly even love, battles depression and we didn’t know it.

We think to ourselves “But they seem so happy!” or “They are so fun to be around!” and the news doesn’t compute with what we know.

I have chosen these statements because they are statements that have been said to me when I was finally brave enough to tell someone I’ve struggled with clinical depression for most of my life. I have even been surprised by the number of people I know who fight a similar battle, and I never would have guessed.

Here are a few reasons why the revelation of clinical depression takes us by surprise, as I have experienced in my own life.

Image via iStock.

1. Episodes of depression come and go.

I have gone as long as two years without serious bouts of depression hitting me. I was naive enough (hopeful, maybe?) to believe I had been cured. But it returned when I least expected it.

Most of my life has been a roller coaster of "emotional times" and "stable times." When I was younger, I just told myself I was a "sensitive" person. It wasn’t until a doctor pushed for more information and I researched on my own that I realized I had all the major signs and symptoms of depression and had battled with them most of my life.

So yes, it does come and go, and if you catch me on an "up," there would be no reason to suspect I could have ever had a brush with mental illness. As I have matured, I have also realized there are definite triggers, and the response to them is very real and very dramatic, but outside of that, there is little reason to discuss my illness.

Image via iStock.

2. Depression mimics (although in an unhealthy amount) normal emotions.

Let me speak plainly: If you do not suffer from clinical depression, you will have a hard time relating the reality of someone who does.

A crying fit to you may be the sign of a bad day. To someone with depression, it may be the explosion that is expressing complete worthlessness and despair.Retreating to your room in frustration to you may be a way to cool down. To someone with depression, it may the start of withdrawal that begins an emotional downward spiral. Declining a social invitation for you may mean you need some quiet time. To the person with depression, it is a way to avoid contact and remain in the darkness. You are seeing the tip of the iceberg in a person with depression, and you have no idea there is mass hiding below the waters because for you there never has been the bitterness of cold, frigid ice. Trust them when they try to tell you they feel depressed.

Image via iStock.

3. They are living functioning and contributing lives.

Again with the iceberg analogy, you see the tip of the life they present. Sure, you may see the warning signs you have read so diligently about, like weight changes or withdrawal, but for the most part, the times in my life when I have been most depressed I have also still functioned well. I have showered, curled my hair, ran my kids from place to place, even lunched and laughed with my friends.

I can’t say why I don’t usually completely shut down; I just never did. I don’t know if I function out of habit or out of hope, but I do. I rarely wallowed in my filth and let my life fall apart. As a matter of fact, when my real battles with depression and death-idealizing began, I was in school, an honor student, singing the theme song for prom and cheering at the school basketball game. But the clouds still rolled in, and I didn’t want anyone to know. So I lived and suffered mostly in private.

Image via iStock.

4. The person you know with depression doesn’t want you to know they have it.

Depression is extremely easy to downplay. A quick little "That was a rough time for me" or "I am struggling with that" is usually all I have to tell someone who is checking up on me after an emotional battle. People are understanding when it comes to struggles. What they don’t understand, however, is real depression.

Telling someone you are struggling with serious doubts about the worth of your own life or whether you have the strength to face one more day is a huge risk. Not all are created equal when it comes to this news. I have lost a friend or two who I knew just couldn’t face the storms with me. And I don’t blame them. It’s not fun, and it’s not easy. It’s even harder if a friend isn’t aware of the problem; thus, we learn to hide it. It’s safer that way (not in reality, but we see safety in hiding), so we pick and choose very carefully who we tell, if we tell anyone at all. In my experience, even upon the telling of our illness we will downplay it. We desperately want to avoid the stigma, we want to be normal, and we desperately want to be helped. We just don’t dare say those things out loud.

Because of the perceived risk in revealing this news, too many people suffer in silence. Too many pull themselves together to face the world, but alone at home they crumble in shame, guilt, and agonizing pain. The pain is the worst part of it, and while feeling it, you are sure this is the only way you have felt and the only way you will ever feel again.

Image via iStock.

That is why ending the charade is so important. As I have become more open about my clinical depression with my husband, my doctors, my church friends, and even my siblings, it is easier to win the battles.

The storms still roll in, but I have many willing hands ready to hold an umbrella for me until it passes. That is why if you find out someone you know and love has depression, your reaction will make a difference. It is why if you are struggling with mental illness, you must take down your mask.

When we work together, we can win these fights.

Education

Teacher reveals the 'really obvious' reason teens no longer read. It's not just the phones.

"Kids who read are just built different."

via Canva/Photos

A teenage boy stars at his smartphone.

Studies show that kids are spending a lot less time reading these days. In 2020, 42% of 9-year-old students said they read for fun almost daily, down from 52% in 2012. Seventeen percent of 13-year-olds read for fun daily, down from 27% in 2012. Among 17-year-olds, 19% say they read for fun, down from 31% in 1984.

It’s safe to say that modern technology is a big reason why kids aren’t reading as much. A recent report found that teenagers spend an average of 8 hours 39 minutes per day on screens, compared to 5-and-a-half hours for pre-teen children. So, it’s no wonder they don’t have any time left to crack open a book. A high school teacher on TikTok who goes by the name StillATeacher recently brought the topic up with her class, and they stopped reading for fun at the end of middle school.

“So even those who are like avid readers of the Percy Jackson series in fourth and fifth grade fall off,” the teacher says. “Honestly, there are many reasons to stop reading recreationally, like increased pressure inside and outside of school, a desire to spend more time socializing, and, of course, the phones.”

But the teacher says there’s an obvious reason “right in front of our faces”: the adults. “Adults have lowered the bar for how much you should read as a teenager so far that the bar cannot be found,” she continued. “There are many educators who have the mindset that you shouldn't teach whole books because kids just won't read them.”

@stillateacher

the literacy crisis is upon us #teachertok #teacher #highschoolteacher #englishteacher #education #literacy #booktok #creatorsearchinsights

“I've taught at schools where teaching novels is actually discouraged,” she continued. “And I have conversations with teachers in other content areas who say that they themselves never read books, that they don't think it's important for students' long-term success. All this said, it is not entirely surprising that high schoolers don't wanna read.”

How does reading benefit kids?

The significant decrease in the number of children who read for fun means that many will miss out on the incredible benefits of regularly curling up for a good book. Studies show that children who read for pleasure enjoy improved cognitive performance, language development, and academic achievement. Reading is also linked to fewer mental health problems, less screen time, and more sleep. Findings suggest that kids get the optimal benefits of reading when they do it for around 12 hours a week.



“You forgot empathy,” one commenter added. “People who read are better at empathizing because they have been able to put themselves in the shoes of others and learn about different perspectives, people, cultures, experiences.”

StillATeacher has seen these incredible benefits first-hand.

“But I'm telling you, the handful of kids I teach who do read are built different. Kids who read have stronger critical thinking skills, more success across all academic areas, and, honestly, just a stronger sense of self. Because reading helps you figure out who you are as a person,” the teacher said.

The decline in young people's reading is a serious problem that must be addressed. So, it’s terrific that the teacher used her platform on TikTok to bring it to the public’s attention. Interestingly enough, she says that TikTok is one of the few platforms encouraging kids to read.

“And honestly, thank goodness for BookTok because I think it is one of the only drivers of adolescent reading that still exists,” she concluded her post. “Isn't that sad? Like, the schools aren't doing it, TikTok's doing it. We gotta start a movement here.”

This story originally appeared last year.

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Learning

In two sentences, finance guy crushes the idea of buying a new car. But people disagree.

Here's why people are still doing it.

via Canva/Photos

A woman gets the keys to her new car.

There are many reasons to be squeamish about spending money in today’s economy. Interest rates are high, trade wars may drive inflation, and financial experts say we may be headed for a recession. That comes after the post-COVID period, when the process of everyday necessities, such as rent and groceries, went sky-high.

There’s a lot of economic uncertainty out there, but that won’t stop some of us from needing a car. And, of course, those are getting more expensive, too. The average car cost $49,740 in January, nearly an all-time high. Part of that is inflation, but it’s also because Americans love buying nice cars, and more are choosing luxury models. So now, to purchase a new car at $49,740, with zero dollars down and a 5-year loan, would cost over $950 a month. That’s a lot of money for something that will only decrease in value.

Real estate expert and author of “Retire FIlthy Rich,“ Ravi Sharma, wasn’t shy about sharing his thoughts about buying a new car on TikTok. The post received over 1.2 million views.

"Controversial topic: That $50,000 car loan that you finally paid off after 5 years cost you $62,000 (due to interest). That car is now worth $20,000 due to depreciation. Losing $42,000 in 5 years would be seen as a bad investment, yet people are still buying new cars. Thoughts?"

@personalfinancewithravi

Controversial Topic - What’s your thoughts about this? 🤔 #personalfinancewithravi

Is it financially smart to buy a new car?

Sharma’s logic is hard to argue with. A car is a depreciating asset that will lose its value over time. In fact, according to Kelly Blue Book, the average new car loses 20% of its value after the first year. That number grows to over 60% after five years. So, why not buy a car that’s five years old, costs less money, and is significantly cheaper to insure?

Strangely, most people in the comments pushed back against Sharma’s logic. "You forgot to factor in the benefit of owning that vehicle and the pleasure of driving it. For most, it's priceless. Not everything in life is about making money," Patty wrote. "I have 3 bad investments and loving them. We only live once. Enjoy,” Rich added. Others noted that even though the car's value goes down, you got use out of the vehicle so it's not a total loss.

new car, finance, ravi sharmaA woman inspects her new car. via Canva/Photos

There were a few people who agreed with Sharma. "Yes! Car payments are one of the top wealth killers. I have always bought used and paid cash,” a commenter wrote. "Amen. I’ve never purchased a brand-new vehicle. If you want to be a millionaire, don’t live like one,” another added. "Just driving the new car off the lot depreciates it by 20-25%. Buying pre-owned, someone else took that depreciation. Don't believe me? Buy a $50k new car then try to sell it tomorrow,” a commenter wrote.

Many people pushed back against Sharma because buying a new vehicle gives them joy. But the real question is, how long does that last before it just becomes your everyday car and no longer has the wow factor it had when you drove it off the lot? Further, going back to our car that cost $49,740 and about $950 a month, what if you bought a car for half the price and invested the $475 a month of the payment in a sensible mutual fund? After 5 years at 6% of growth, that would amount to over $32,000.

new car, finance, ravi sharmaA woman gets the keys to her new car.via Canva/Photos

With the constantly rising cost of living, it’s good to consider what it really means to make a big purchase and whether the joy of something new is worth the loss that comes with spending versus investing. Ultimately, the decision comes down to one’s values and financial priorities. Is short-term satisfaction worth the long-term cost when opting for a used car means more financial freedom tomorrow?

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Heroes

Instacart delivery driver trusted her gut instinct and ended up saving a customer's life

"You're supposed to take a picture and leave, and I could not just leave."

@JessicaHiggs3/TikTok

Jessica Higgs had a sense that something wasn't right at a customer's house and her action saved his life.

One the more mysterious aspects of being human is our sense of intuition. This "sixth sense" isn't something we can see or measure, but many people have experienced it in some form or fashion. Maybe it comes as a strong feeling that something isn't right, or that we or someone else should or shouldn't do something. It can be hard to read—not every feeling we get is truly our intuition—but there are plenty of examples of people trusting their instincts and being glad they did.

One such story has gone viral on TikTok. Jessica Higgs, a mom who works as an Instacart grocery delivery person, shared a story in an emotional video that illustrates the importance of listening to that inner voice when it prompts you to make sure someone is OK.

"I just want to start this off by saying if you see something, say something," Higgs said.

Animated GIFGiphy

She explained how she had done an Instacart order the previous day for a daughter who was ordering for her older dad who couldn't shop for himself. She said she was going the extra mile like she always does for her customers, and that the daughter told her to just drop the groceries on the porch and he'd get them. That's what Higgs would usually do.

"I get there and something was telling me no, you gotta help this man out," she said. "He came out, and I was like OK let me help you, and I got the groceries. You're not supposed to go into someone's house, but I used my judgment and I brought the groceries inside and put them down wherever he wanted me to put them down. You're not supposed to, but I did. And you're supposed to just take a picture and leave, and I could not just leave."



@jessicahiggs3

@Instacart #28DaysOfEucerin #fyp



Higgs noticed that the man looked really sick and she was really concerned. A voice in her head said, "You gotta say something. You gotta say something, Jess." Rather than mark the order as complete, she messaged the man's daughter and told her that it was really unprofessional to say something like this, but she felt like her dad wasn't doing well. "There's a propane tank in there," she told the woman. "I was in there maybe five feet and I got dizzy. There's got to be a leak. He might not be doing good because of this leak."

The woman said she would send her son over to check it out and Higgs left. The woman changed her tip from $14 to $100, which Higgs appreciated, but the message she sent her the next morning was a much greater reward for her going the extra mile.

"Thank you so much, once my son went to check on my dad it turned out it was definitely leaking," she wrote. "You definitely saved my dad and my younger son's life!!!"

Through tears, Higgs said, "I'm just an Instacart worker, but if you see something, say something. I did and I'm so happy I did."

Higgs' TikTok has been viewed more than 15 million times and has been shared widely on social media. It has also attracted the attention of big companies.

Royal Caribbean Cruises shared a TikTok video of its own praising Higgs for her heroic act and offering her and her family a seven-day cruise anywhere in the world. "Cause even heroes need a vacation," the company wrote.



@royalcaribbean

Stitch with @jessicahiggs3 - cause even heroes need a vacation. Thanks @captaincruiseguy



Old Navy connected with her and arranged a shopping spree where she got to model several new outfits. People Magazine commented, "You’re literally a HERO! Good job trusting your instincts. 💕" Even TikTok itself wrote, "You are amazing ❤️thank you for sharing this with all of us."

Lots of commenters also pointed out that she's not "just an Instacart worker." Her work is important, she's providing a needed service and any job done in a spirit of helping others should not be minimized. If she hadn't been there doing her job well, that man may not be here. Never underestimate the difference each of us can make by the simple act of looking out for one another, friend and stranger alike.

Higgs' heartfelt story touched millions, and she's being rightly rewarded for listening to her heart and going out of her way to help someone. Gotta love seeing good things come to people doing good. Well done, Jessica Higgs.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Heroes

'Jeopardy' contestant with Parkinson's stuns the crowd with a historic win

It was a victory 24 years in the making.

Jeopardy!/Youtube

“Your life isn’t over when you get this diagnosis.”

Instilled with what he calls a “voracious curiosity,” New York based attorney Harvey “H-bomb” Silikovitz has three major passions: karaoke, travel, and trivia. Naturally, that latter interest turned into a dream of one day competing on the trivia show of all trivia shows—Jeopardy!

This was a dream Silikovitz had been trying to realize since 2001. Then in 2019, after nine auditions throughout the years, he had missed the call finally welcoming him onto the popular quiz show. By the time he had finally found and heard the voicemail, the seasons had already wrapped.

The year would prove to be a challenging one, as five months later Silikovitz was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. But still, he kept going after his dream, “relentlessly” expanding his knowledge base and sharpening his buzzer timing skills in hopes of one day landing that coveted spot.

Then, in January 2025, it finally happened. In October 2024 had gotten an email from the show, and this time he didn't miss it. A few months later, Silikovitz hopped on a plane to California.

And not only did H-Bomb compete, he won, taking home a total of $23,200. He even ended another competitor’s eight day winning streak. Plus, he made history as the first Jeopardy! contestant to play with Parkinson’s.

“I wouldn’t recommend that as a preparation strategy for doing well on the show,” Silikovitz joked to Jennings during the episode’s Q&A portion. “But after living with Parkinson’s for five and a half years, it’s no longer just about wanting to do well for myself—I would like to give hope and inspiration to the people who are living with chronic illnesses.”

Claire McNear, who had followed Silikovitz’s journey while writing her 2020 Jeopardy! book, Answers in the Form of Questions, covered his recent win in an article for The Ringer. In it, Silikovitz shared his hope that someone else with Parkinson’s might see this moment and be inspired to think “your life isn’t over when you get this diagnosis.”

This is a real life story of resilience. No matter what setback came upon his path, Silikovitz persisted with optimism and his signature curiosity. We all have moments of challenge in our lives, and while a good attitude certainly isn’t a cure-all, keeping some sort of dream or purpose alive within us can make a huge difference in overcoming those challenges. Even for those with chronic illness, goal-setting can have an empowering effect, since it helps them remain an active participant in their own life.

Bottom line: we rarely deserve the obstacles that life throws our way. But sometimes we can transmute them into powerful parts of our overall story.

By the way, you can watch H-bomb defend his title on Jeopardy’s March 1 episode.

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Motherhood

Women gives tour of "postpartum hotel" in China where new moms get pampered for 30 days

It's not exactly cheap, but it goes to show what's possible with better maternity leave.

Canva Photos

Maternity leave or maternity miracle?

Much has been written about maternity leave in the United States and how it compares to other parts of the world. Unsurprisingly, it usually doesn't compare well. An analysis done by Yahoo! Finance does not have the US cracking the top 25 countries with the best maternity leave policies. The only thing new moms are guaranteed nationwide here is 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Awesome.

We know that many countries have it a lot better than us, but it's sometimes hard to visualize what that looks like. More paid time off sounds great, but how does that really impact those crucial first days after baby is born?

A recent video showcasing what maternity leave looks like for some women in China is blowing people's minds.

gif of a woman getting a facialCould maternity leave be a spa experience? For some women in China, the answer is yes.Giphy

Aileen Wang took viewers along with her as she went to visit a coworker who had just had a baby. The woman was staying at a postpartum center, described as part hospital, part luxury hotel.

"In China we have six months of paid maternity leave and have a tradition called ... kind of like a cozy VIP jail for new moms," she writes in the video caption.

Wang is referring to a a tradition called "zuo yue zi," or "sitting the month." Traditionally, new moms in China are under strict watch by family members not to leave the house or over-exert themselves, to stay warm and eat certain foods in order to recover while family members pitch in with care and help with the baby.

"For the first month after birth, moms can't go out, they are forced to stay at home or in postpartum centers. No cold food and drink, staying warm, and eating nutritious food."

Wang adds that at her friend's cushy recovery center, she gets round-the-clock care for the baby and herself, meals delivered to the room, yoga sessions, massages, and more. For 30-40 days mom has to worry about very little except recuperating her physical, mental, and emotional strength. In the video you even see a staff member at the center bringing in an extraordinary-looking meal on a tray for the new mom!

"In China, there's a say. It basically means: Don't mess with a woman during her first month after giving birth—she won't forget it for whole life!"

Watch the fascinating tour here:


@aileenw1113

In China, we get six months of paid maternity leave and have a tradition called "sitting the month"—kind of like a cozy VIP jail for new moms. #china #maternityleave#givebirth #baby #postpartum

The facility looks and sounds incredible. So does the idea of giving new moms several weeks of pampering to get back on their feet after the trauma of delivery.

Of course, this luxury doesn't come free, or even cheap in China. A month-long stay can cost families somewhere around the equivalent of $10,000 or more. But over the last decade, the number of centers like this one has grown from 550 to well over 4000, showing that the idea is gaining popularity and accessibility.

"The million-plus people who watched Wang's video on TikTok were stunned:6 MONTHS PAID AND 24/7 CARE?!? Please someone tell me why we're brainwashed into thinking the USA is the greatest country ever? Women's health is trash here!"

"America: oh you’ll be fine in 6 weeks."

"This must help a lot with post partum depression. All women need this kind of support"

"And they sent me home alone in a blizzard 4 days after a c section. It was literally 37 degrees below zero."

Even if moms can't afford to stay in a fancy postpartum center like the one shown above, many still observe "sitting the month" at home. With six months of paid leave, new mothers have plenty of time to recover and bond with their baby while other members of the family pitch in with all the heavy lifting. It's an attractive idea that really calls into question what could be possible in the US with better support for moms.


gif of woman wearing two breast pumps saying, "Welcome to motherhood."Imagine how much better of women would be if motherhood started off like this. Giphy

Six weeks of unpaid time off doesn't give families a lot of money or flexibility to work with during maternity leave. Some companies will offer a small amount of paid leave on their own, and some states have mandatory paid leave, but it's not required everywhere. Postpartum centers are becoming more popular in the United States, too, but the concept doesn't align well with the realities of being a working parent. Not yet, anyways. It's fun to envision a future where new families have more time and money to make sure mom's OK before sending her back into the rigors of daily life.

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