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30 things people don't realize you're doing because of your depression

Do any of these speak to you?

Photo by Reneé Thompson on Unsplash

Depression manifests in many ways.

Most people imagine depression equals “really sad," and unless you've experienced depression yourself, you might not know it goes so much deeper than that. Depression expresses itself in many different ways, some more obvious than others. While some people have a hard time getting out of bed, others might get to work just fine—it's different for everyone.

To find out how depression shows itself in ways other people can't see, we asked The Mighty mental health community to share one thing people don't realize they're doing because they have depression.

Here's what they had to say:

1. “In social situations, some people don't realize I withdraw or don't speak much because of depression. Instead, they think I'm being rude or purposefully antisocial." — Laura B.

2. “I struggle to get out of bed, sometimes for hours. Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting. If I manage to do that, I am ready for a nap. People don't understand, but anxiety and depression is exhausting, much like an actual physical fight with a professional boxer." — Juli J.

3. “Agreeing to social plans but canceling last minute. Using an excuse but really you just chickened out. It makes you think your friends don't actually want to see you, they just feel bad. Obligation." — Brynne L.

4. “Hiding in my phone. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. I don't socialize, I play games or browse online stores to distract myself from my negative thoughts. It's my safe bubble." — Eveline L.

5. “Going to bed at 9 p.m. and sleeping throughout the night until 10 or 11 a.m." — Karissa D.

6. “Isolating myself, not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything, making self-deprecating jokes. I've said many times before, 'I laugh, so that I don't cry.' Unfortunately, it's all too true." — Kelly K.

man sitting on chair covering his eyesPhoto by christopher lemercier on Unsplash

7. “When I reach out when I'm depressed it's 'cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not because I want attention." — Tina B.

8. “I don't like talking on the phone. I prefer to text. Less pressure there. Also being anti-social. Not because I don't like being around people, but because I'm pretty sure everyone can't stand me." — Meghan B.

9. “I overcompensate in my work environment… and I work front line at a Fitness Centre, so I feel the need to portray an 'extra happy, bubbly personality.' As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I feel myself 'fall.' It's exhausting… I am a professional at hiding it." — Lynda H.

10. “The excessive drinking. Most people assume I'm trying to be the 'life of the party' or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it. But my issues are much deeper than that." — Teresa A.

11. “Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me." — Kelci F.

12. “Saying I'm tired or don't feel good… they don't realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally." — Lauren G.

more at instagram @joshrh19

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

13. “Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower, and I can't think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do — I don't really want anything. I isolate myself so I don't have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it's exhausting." — Erin W.

14. “Sometimes I'll forget to eat all day. I can feel my stomach growling but don't have the willpower to get up and make something to eat." — Kenzi I.

15. “I don't talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think I'm 'stuck up.' I'm actually scared out of my mind worrying they don't like me, or that they think I'm 'crazy' by just looking at me…" — Hanni W.

16. “Not keeping in touch with anyone, bad personal hygiene and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things." — Jenny B.

17. “Being angry, mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful I had taken out my anger on people who don't deserve it." — Christie C.

18. “Purposely working on the holidays so I can avoid spending time with family. It's overwhelming to be around them and to talk about the future and life so I avoid it." — Aislinn G.

19. “My house is a huge mess." — Cynthia H.

20. “I volunteer for everything, from going to PTO meetings to babysitting to cleaning someone else's house for them. I surround myself with situations and obligations that force me to get out of bed and get out of the house because if I'm not needed, I won't be wanted." — Carleigh W.

If you're struggling with depression, check out these resources. You aren't alone.

This story was originally published on The Mighty and was posted seven years ago.

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National Geographic Documentary Films

Joy

5 wholesome things to do this weekend: Stream this movie, make your own bucket list, and more

Easy and fun things you can do this weekend that will make your life (and the people around you!) happier

Blink, a new documentary from NatGeo, is now streaming on Disney+ and Hulu.

True

It’s December, and we’re all currently in the thick of it: Wrapping presents, baking cookies, and scouring the toy aisles for that must-have gift of the season. But in the middle of all the holiday chaos, it’s easy to lose sight on what the season is really about: making meaningful memories with our loved ones.

From volunteering to building a bucket list to watching maybe the most uplifting documentary we’ve ever seen, we’ve put together five simple and wholesome activities that will leave you and the entire family a little more connected and a whole lot happier. Ready to make memories that last? Let’s dive in.

Make a difference close to home

littlefreepantry.org

A 2023 analysis from the journal Frontiers in Psychology showed that people who regularly volunteered in their communities had greater self-esteem, more self-reported happiness, and a greater sense of personal fulfillment. (Um, yes, please.) If that sounds like something you want to experience as well, then you're in luck: There's no better time to lend a helping hand than during the holiday season. You could shovel a neighbor's driveway, buy presents for kids in need, or—who knows? You might want to be super ambitious, like setting up a food pantry or volunteering as an "interim parent" like this woman, who cares for babies and young children while their adoptions are being finalized. The sky is the limit.

Watch this feel-good, family flick

Get the tissues ready: This is maybe the most uplifting documentary you’re ever going to see. The film, “Blink,” follows a family with four children, three of whom have a rare genetic disease called retinitis pigmentosa (RP). With RP, the cells of the retina slowly die off, leaving a person with tunnel vision that shrinks until they are nearly—or totally—blind.

The parents, Edith Lemay and Sébastien Pelletier, decide to gift their children with incredible sights and experiences so that they can treasure them forever, even after their sight is gone. The film follows the Pelletier family as they make a bucket list and set out on a year-long journey across 24 countries to make some incredible memories.

For some seriously wholesome holiday goodness, stream "Blink," now on Disney+ and Hulu.

Make your very own bucket list

person writing bucket list on bookPhoto by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

To fulfill their dreams, the Pelletier family in the National Geographic documentary "Blink" created a bucket list with every kind of memory they wanted to fulfill, from seeing a sunrise on a mountain to "drink[ing] juice on a camel." (Because, sure. Why not?) Spend some time thinking of your own dreams you'd like to fufill. This is the perfect activity if you're looking for something creative and family-friendly—just gather the kids around for a brainstorming sesh and let the ideas fly. You might not actually complete all of these items (or any of them), but dreaming them up and spending time together is half the fun.

Spread some holiday cheer

Whatever your family’s ages and interests, there are a thousand different ways to spread holiday cheer this season, whether you’re singing Christmas carols door-to-door or just exchanging a warm holiday greeting. If you need inspiration, look no further than John Reichart, 74, who (just like the Pelletier kids) wants to create new memories for his family while he's still able to. Following his wife Joan’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Reichart set out to decorate every house in their neighborhood with lights and decorations purchased out of his own pocket. Simply inspirational.

Make someone's life a little easier.

I need this goober in my life.
byu/kenistod inMadeMeSmile

The holiday season is all about giving and togetherness, but let’s be real, it’s no easy feat. Sometimes we can get stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. One surefire way to make this world a better place is to think of ways to make someone’s life just a little easier, like this mom who picks up her teenager’s bedroom every morning after he goes to school. You could even send a note of encouragement to someone who needs it, or bake some treats and leave them out for a hangry delivery driver.

It’s probably easier than you think to spread the love and leave the world a little happier than you found it.

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Fatherhood

Dad and daughter relationships, as explained by 10 paintings.

The amazing bond between dads and daughters.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

I have plenty of space.

It's hard to truly describe the amazing bond between dads and their daughters.

Being a dad is an amazing job no matter the gender of the tiny humans we're raising. But there's something unique about the bond between fathers and daughters. Most dads know what it's like to struggle with braiding hair, but we also know that bonding time provides immense value to our daughters. In fact, studies have shown that women with actively involved fathers are more confident and more successful in school and business.

You know how a picture is worth a thousand words? I'll just let these images sum up the daddy-daughter bond.

A 37-year-old Ukrainian artist affectionately known as Soosh, recently created some ridiculously heartwarming illustrations of the bond between a dad and his daughter, and put them on her Instagram feed. Sadly, her father wasn't involved in her life when she was a kid. But she wants to be sure her 9-year-old son doesn't follow in those footsteps.

"Part of the education for my kiddo who I want to grow up to be a good man is to understand what it's like to be one," Soosh told Upworthy.

There are so many different ways that fathers demonstrate their love for their little girls, and Soosh pretty much nails all of them.

Get ready to run the full gamut of the feels.

1. Dads can do it all. Including hair.

I’ve got this.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

2. They also make pretty great game opponents.

Sharing life strategy.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

3. And the Hula-Hoop skills? Legendary.

Tight fitting hula-hoop.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

4. Dads know there's always time for a tea party regardless of the mountain of work in front of them.

Dad makes time.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

5. And their puppeteer skills totally belong on Broadway.

Let’s play.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

6. Dads help us see the world from different views.

Good shoulders.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

7. So much so that we never want them to leave.

More dad time please.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

8. They can make us feel protected, valued, and loved.

Always the protector.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

9. Especially when there are monsters hiding in places they shouldn't.

Dad is superman.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

Never a big enough bed.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

Seeing the daddy-daughter bond as art perfectly shows how beautiful fatherhood can be.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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Pets

Rescue dog saves her blind sister from drowning and it was caught on video

This pup deserves a trophy and unlimited treats.

Sassy Paws Facebook screenshot

Rescue dog saves her blind sister from drowning.

Who's a good dog? That's a question dog owners ask often just because their dogs exist. Of course, the answer will always and forever be, "You are!" Of course, some dogs take their status of good girl or boy to a whole new dimension, elevating them from just a good dog to the goodest dog.

Yes, I know "goodest" isn't a word, but it's certainly an established part of today's zeitgeist. Besides, even though dogs don't speak our language or understand grammar rules, they know to gain the "goodest" title is to be adored.

Today, that title goes to Caipirinha, the rescue dog who saved her blind sister, Luna, after she fell into the pool.

Luna is 14-years-old and recently began showing signs of disorientation according to her owner, Dustin. While the family was inside the house, Luna lost her bearings and fell into the pool. If you've never had a blind dog, it may be surprising to know that they can get around pretty well so long as you don't change the layout of your home or backyard set up often.

When my senior dog went blind, I was shocked to see him still able to get around just fine without bumping into things, but, just like Luna, as he got older he started to become disoriented and often needed to be led around by my other dog (sort of a seeing-eye dog for a dog situation.) Thankfully, Luna also had a four-legged sister looking out for her when she got turned around and took an unexpected swim.

Caipirinha immediately knew her big sister was in trouble and worked tirelessly to get her to the steps of the pool so she could get out.

"And then when Luna gets close to the edge, Caipirinha nudges her towards the stairs, knowing that that's going to be the only way she could get out," Dustin is heard saying in the video shared by Sassy Paws on Facebook. Caipirinha goes as far as to pull on Luna's collar once she's on the steps to help her the rest of the way out of the water.

It should be officially stated that Caipirinha wins the goodest dog award for her efforts. Where would Luna be without her? I don't even want to think about it.

After the terrifying incident, Luna and Caipirinha's dad installed a barrier to prevent the elderly dog from falling into the pool again. The entire rescue was caught on surveillance. Watch it below:

What a good girl you are, Caipirinha!

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Woman's heartwarming message to Trader Joe's employee who wouldn't accept $1 tip

Commenters had split opinions about companies that "strongly discourage" tips.

margaretcstone/TikTok & Mike Mozart/Flickr

Should customers be able to tip if they want to?

We keep hearing that customer service is dead. More and more stores have self-checkouts replacing human cashiers and websites are now opting for AI chatbots instead of a phone number. There are also the more crotchety takes, like that younger generations are "rude" and don't have the people skills we're all looking for when we go out shopping.

Maybe that's why it's so pleasantly surprising when you do have a genuinely nice customer service interaction — a great waiter or a super-friendly checkout clerk. It can legitimately brighten your day. You almost want to celebrate and shout it from the rooftops.

One TikTok creator did, more or less, exactly that when a helpful cashier at Trader Joe's blew her away. Margaret Stone jumped on TikTok to share the story of a rockstar Trader Joe's employee and the curious response she got when she tried to leave him a tip for great service.

A trader joe's storefront Mike Mozart/Flickr

“This message is for Drew, the cashier at the Trader Joe’s ... and Drew only,” she says in the video. “Hi, Drew. I bought a bouquet of flowers from you today, and I gave you an extra dollar than what the flowers were worth and you gave it back to me."

"You were slammed, working your ass off... You said 'No, company policy doesn't allow us to accept tips.' I found that to be quite ridiculous. If i want to give you a tip, why shouldn't I?"

Not content to leave it there, Margaret went home called the store manager after looking up the company policy, which says employees accepting tips is "extremely discouraged." She took management to task for telling employees they couldn't accept tips versus it being simply discouraged.

"You should probably tell your staff that. That annoyed me very much that they are probably telling you guys something different from what is actually true and not allowing you to take tips from people.

“So I will be coming back next week," she told Drew and all the viewers. "I really want to give you a Christmas present, and a tip on top of that.” She added that she wouldn't be leaving anything with management "in case something shady is going on."

@margaretcstone
Tiktok do your thing!!! #peabodyma #massachusetts #fyp #traderjoes

Margaret brought up an extremely compelling debate: Should you fight against 'no tipping' policies when you feel it's warranted, or is it better to let it go?

Some commenters found her video heartwarming and thought it was amazing that Margaret would go to such lengths to let Drew know he did a great job.

"Best customer ever," wrote one.

"May this generosity and thoughtfulness find me," said another.

Others shared her frustration that Trader Joe's and other companies won't let employees take tips for their hard work.

"Walmart pick up workers can’t accept tips either! It makes me mad! It’s pouring rain and they’re bringing my groceries to me, let me tip them!" one user added.

Others still were critical that Margaret would go through so much trouble for a dollar tip.

"A lot of companies discourage tipping. You have an extremely generous offer and kind heart, but I would let it go," someone wrote.

One commenter who claimed to work for Trader Joe's (in fact, the same TJ's that employs Drew), cautioned that employees like Drew can get in big trouble for violating tip policies:

"We are expected to be nice to our customers without extra tips. It is very nice you want to do this but we are just following rules by not accepting it. Accepting it could risk our job. We are not risking our jobs for $1."

It's not just Trader Joe's. Lots of companies won't allow workers to accept tips, and there are pros and cons to each approach.

There is a variety of reasons for no-tipping rules — usually it boils down to not wanting customers to feel obligation or ambiguity over whether to tip. It also might not be fair that, say, a cashier gets a tip for friendly service but less customer-facing workers don't have the same opportunity. So banning all tips can help level the playing field for different workers.

However, it doesn't always sit right with customers that they aren't allowed to tip, especially when they know workers are underpaid. For example, McDonald's employees are not allowed to accept tips despite the company being heavily criticized publicly for its low wages. Clearly, Margaret felt that her cashier went above and beyond and wanted to share a token of appreciation. Not being allowed to do so was frustrating.

And then there's the fact that customers are struggling too, with high prices and salaries that aren't keeping up. We've all gotten tired of the little tablets at checkout counters that prompt you for tips almost everywhere you go, so much so that they've become a meme. So sometimes it's kind of nice going to a store where you know you won't be expected to tip!

I don't know what the right answer is, but it's still cool that Margaret wanted to show appreciation to someone who worked hard to help her. Even when tips aren't allowed, a smile and a big Thank You can go a long way to brighten another person's day — no viral TikTok necessary!

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Family

Woman with an unfortunate name is a warning for parents to consider before naming their kids

Evidently, this is a big problem.

images.pexels.com

The things we don't even know we need to think about!

The recent trend of parents going out of their way to give their children unique names has brought up a lot of discussion on social media. Some of these names sound cute when a child is 5 years old. But will Caeleigh, Zoomer or Rhyedyr look like a serious adult on a job application in a few years?

A recent viral video on TikTok is a unique twist on the current discussion surrounding names. Samantha Hart has a name that doesn’t seem like it would draw any negative attention in professional circles. However, her parents didn’t consider email conventions when they named her back in the late ‘90s when email was new.

“My name is Samantha Hart,” the 27-year-old said. “Most companies use the email designation of first initial, last name, meaning my email would be 'shart.'” For the uninitiated, a "shart" is an unintentional release when one thinks they only have gas. Yikes.

The issue arose because Samantha has had two “professional” jobs in the past in which her name has been an issue. So, as she began a third job, she wondered how to approach the situation with a new employer.

@thesam_show
sorry if i talk about this problem too much but it is HAPPENING AGAIN!!

“At every single workplace, I have received an email from HR the week before I start letting me know that my name does not exactly fit the company email structure as they would intend and [asked] would I mind if they gave me a different structure for my email,” Hart said.

So she asked her 30,000 followers on TikTok if she should just "reach out, right off the bat" to her employer and ask for "something else" or wait for HR to react to her email situation. But most of the responses were from people who have been in the same embarrassing situation as Samantha and wished their parents had thought twice before naming them.

"Clittmann has entered the chat. Have been dealing with this since college," Chris.Littmann responded.

"As Swallo, I feel your pain," Samantha Wallo replied.

"My name is Sue Hartlove so my work emails are always shartlove," Sue added.

Oh No Mood GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"I went to college w Tiffany Estes," Abby1233213 wrote.

"Rkelley has entered the chat," Rach commented.

"Worked with a guy named Sam Adcock," Lori added.

"My last name is Hartstein, and my mom’s personal email is ‘shartstein.’ People literally call her shart-stein," Lyss wrote.

"I used to work with a BAllsman," JenniferKerastas added.

"I worked with a Patrick Ecker at a previous job..." NoName wrote.

"Our high school used last name, first two letters of first name. My friend's email ended up being 'mountme,'" Averageldeal commented.

Andy Marks won the comment section with: "Always best to initiate the shart convo… wait too long and it tends to come out at the least opportune moment."

While the comments were dominated by people sharing their unfortunate email addresses, a few people in the IT field shared their advice for how Samantha should approach her new employer with her email issue. Most agreed that she should address the issue before it becomes a larger problem.

"As someone in IT—please reach out. When we have to rename a bunch of logins after someone starts it can cause headaches for everyone (inc you!)," Kelsey Lane wrote.

Expecting parents, please take notes.

This article originally appeared last year.

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funny names

Joy

Cute song about real-life Americans should make everyone in a 'messy '80s home' feel proud

"Sometimes it’s a mess and sometimes it is clean. But typically, it’s someplace in between."

via Anika Malone/Flickr

A non-aesthetic kitchen

There has always been pressure on parents, especially mothers, to have a beautiful home and well-behaved, well-dressed kids. However, it’s a lot harder these days because social media presents unrealistic images of perfection at every turn. Whether it’s the mom influencers making everyone look bad or the folks you know on Facebook who only take a photo when everything is perfect, it's easy to feel like you’re falling short of modern-day expectations.

That’s why a TikTok by Emily Vondracheck, the mother of five in the popular Vondy Family, resonates with many people. In the video, she plays guitar and sings about living in a #NormalHome that hasn’t changed much since 1984. But the heartwarming thing is that even though she lives in a house that's a bit outdated, she still loves every minute of it.

“I am very proud of this home and all the love and mess it holds. We are blessed beyond measure and so very fortunate #normalhouse,” she captions the video.

@thevondyfam
Repost. We’ve got plenty of new dents, scratches and stains since posting this last year but also an abundance of memories. I am very proud of this home🥹and all the love and mess it holds. We are blessed beyond measure and so very fortunate❤️#normalhouse

Song lyrics:

Not every home is minimalistic

Not every home is new and clean

Not every home may look like what’s showcased on your screen

You see, sometimes homes still look like what they did in ‘84

And this one’s got oak cabinets and green carpet on the floor

But this is normal, too, crayon on the walls, no place for shoes

The appliances don’t match and every surface has a scratch

Got stuff shoved in every drawer

In every closet, hey look, there’s more,

Sometimes it’s a mess and sometimes it is clean

But typically, it’s someplace in between

But what makes a home a home is not the things that we compare

Yeah, the most important thing is the love that we share

At the end of the video, her husband comes in for a right-in-time kiss and we see what really matters in the Vondy Family home.

People in the comments loved how Emily celebrated the typical American house that looks like the place they call home. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. Thank you!” one commenter wrote. “This literally made me cry because the mess stresses my husband, but I told him we will miss it when it's just us,” another added. Some added that it’s a home where they would feel comfortable. “It looks like a place I would feel safe. You can tell there are kids who feel comfortable there, who know the space belongs to them too,” one person wrote. “That there is a napping home. Where when you come over you feel so at home you take a nap!” another added.

Emily’s video seems to have started a #NormalHouse trend on TikTok, where people give tours of their homes that don’t look like they will ever be featured in Better Homes and Gardens. These homes have laundry hanging in the living room, carpet that needed to be replaced in the mid-’90s and faded furniture with chips and scratches.

@sarahbondsofficial
Normal, non-aesthetic home tour for a family of 4. #normalhouse #regularmom #housetour #homedecor #homedecorideas

@kelliechandler2
I love seeing the new, millon dollar homes but it’s also nice to see relatable, lived in, smaller homes too. #underconsumption #smallhomes #relatablemom #relatablecontent #momtok #fyp #trending

Life is hard enough without the pressure to be perfect. Kudos to Emily for her “deinfluncing” video, which reminds everyone what the average person’s home looks like. Having mismatched appliances and being the last home in America to have a hunter-green carpet is fine. All that matters is that the house has its most important feature: love.

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