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3 things to watch out for when you're trying to pick the right life partner.

Aka how to avoid a frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and messing up the most important decision of your life.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

To a frustrated single person, life can often feel like this:


And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are, on average, happier than single people and much happier than divorced people.

But a closer analysis reveals that if you split up “married people” into two groups based on marriage quality, “people in self-assessed poor marriages are fairly miserable, and much less happy than unmarried people, and people in self-assessed good marriages are even more happy than the literature reports.”

In other words, here’s what’s happening in reality:

Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position.

A single person who would like to find a great relationship is one step away from it, with their to-do list reading: “Find a great relationship.” People in unhappy relationships, on the other hand, are three leaps away, with a to-do list of: “Go through a soul-crushing break-up. Emotionally recover. Find a great relationship.”

Not as bad when you look at it that way, right?

All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. It’s your life partner.

Thinking about how overwhelmingly important it is to pick the right life partner, though, is like thinking about how huge the universe really is or how terrifying death really is: It’s too intense to internalize the reality of it, so we just don’t think about it that hard and remain in slight denial about the magnitude of the situation.

Unlike death and the universe’s size, picking a life partner is fully in your control.

It's critical to be entirely clear on how big of a deal the decision really is and to thoroughly analyze the most important factors in making it.

So, how big of a deal is it?

Well, start by subtracting your age from 90. If you live a long life, that’s about the number of years you’re going to spend with your current or future life partner, give or take a few. No matter who you are, that’s a lot of time — and almost the entirety of the rest of your one existence.

(Sure, people get divorced, but you don’t think you will. A recent study shows that 86% of young adults assume their current or future marriage will be forever, and I doubt older people feel much differently. So we’ll proceed under that assumption.)

And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things.

You're choosing your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times.

Given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy?

It turns out that there are a bunch of factors working against us:

1. People tend to be bad at knowing what they want from a relationship.

Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences. One study found that speed daters questioned about their relationship preferences usually prove themselves wrong just minutes later with what they show to prefer in the actual event.

This shouldn’t be a surprise — in life, you usually don’t get good at something until you’ve done it a bunch of times. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision. There’s just not enough time. And given that a person’s partnership persona and relationship needs are often quite different from the way they are as a single person, it’s hard as a single person to really know what you want or need from a relationship.

2. Society has it all wrong and gives us terrible advice.

→ Society encourages us to stay uneducated and let romance be our guide.

If you’re running a business, conventional wisdom states that you’re a much more effective business owner if you study business in school, create well thought-out business plans, and analyze your business’s performance diligently. This is logical, because that’s the way you proceed when you want to do something well and minimize mistakes.

But if someone went to school to learn about how to pick a life partner and take part in a healthy relationship, if they charted out a detailed plan of action to find one, and if they kept their progress organized rigorously in a spreadsheet, society says they’re A) an over-rational robot, B) way too concerned about this, and C) a huge weirdo.

When it comes to dating, society frowns upon thinking too much about it, instead opting for things like relying on fate, going with your gut, and hoping for the best. If a business owner took society’s dating advice for her business, she’d probably fail, and if she succeeded, it would be partially due to good luck — and that’s how society wants us to approach dating.

Society places a stigma on intelligently expanding our search for potential partners.

In a study on what governs our dating choices more, our preferences or our current opportunities, opportunities wins hands down — our dating choices are “98% a response ... to market conditions and just 2% immutable desires. Proposals to date tall, short, fat, thin, professional, clerical, educated, uneducated people are all more than nine-tenths governed by what’s on offer that night.”

In other words, people end up picking from whatever pool of options they have, no matter how poorly matched they might be to those candidates. The obvious conclusion to draw here is that outside of serious socialites, everyone looking for a life partner should be doing a lot of online dating, speed dating, and other systems created to broaden the candidate pool in an intelligent way.

But good old society frowns upon that, and people are often still timid to say they met their spouse on a dating site. The respectable way to meet a life partner is by dumb luck, by bumping into them randomly or being introduced to them from within your little pool. Fortunately, this stigma is diminishing with time, but that it’s there at all is a reflection of how illogical the socially accepted dating rulebook is.

 Society rushes us.

In our world, the major rule is to get married before you’re too old — and “too old” varies from 25–35, depending on where you live. The rule should be “whatever you do, don’t marry the wrong person,” but society frowns much more upon a 37-year-old single person than it does an unhappily married 37-year-old with two children. It makes no sense — the former is one step away from a happy marriage, while the latter must either settle for permanent unhappiness or endure a messy divorce just to catch up to where the single person is.

3. Our biology is doing us no favors.

→ Human biology evolved a long time ago and doesn’t understand the concept of having a deep connection with a life partner for 50 years.

When we start seeing someone and feel the slightest twinge of excitement, our biology gets into “okay let’s do this” mode and bombards us with chemicals designed to get us to mate (lust), fall in love (the Honeymoon Phase), and then commit for the long run (attachment). Our brains can usually override this process if we’re just not that into someone, but for all those middle-ground cases where the right move is probably to move on and find something better, we often succumb to the chemical roller coaster and end up getting engaged.

→ Biological clocks are a bitch.

For a woman who wants to have biological children with her husband, she has one very real limitation in play, which is the need to pick the right life partner by 40, give or take. This is just a shitty fact and makes an already hard process one notch more stressful. Still, if it were me, I’d rather adopt children with the right life partner than have biological children with the wrong one.


So when you take a bunch of people who aren’t that good at knowing what they want in a relationship, surround them with a society that tells them they have to find a life partner but that they should under-think, under-explore, and hurry up, and combine that with biology that drugs us as we try to figure it out and promises to stop producing children before too long ... what do you get?

A frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and a lot of people messing up the most important decision of their life.

Let’s take a look at some of the common types of people who fall victim to all of this and end up in unhappy relationships.

Meet "Overly Romantic Ronald."

Overly Romantic Ronald’s downfall is believing that love is enough reason on its own to marry someone. Romance can be a great part of a relationship, and love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage, but without a bunch of other important things, it’s simply not enough.

The overly romantic person repeatedly ignores the little voice that tries to speak up when he and his girlfriend are fighting constantly or when he seems to feel much worse about himself these days than he used to before the relationship, shutting the voice down with thoughts like “Everything happens for a reason and the way we met couldn’t have just been coincidence” and “I’m totally in love with her, and that’s all that matters” — once an overly romantic person believes he’s found his soul mate, he stops questioning things, and he’ll hang onto that belief all the way through his 50 years of unhappy marriage.


Meet "Fear-Driven Frida."

Fear is one of the worst possible decision-makers when it comes to picking the right life partner. Unfortunately, the way society is set up, fear starts infecting all kinds of otherwise-rational people, sometimes as early as the mid-20s. The types of fear our society (and parents, and friends) inflict upon us — fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, sometimes just fear of being judged or talked about — are the types that lead us to settle for a not-so-great partnership. The irony is that the only rational fear we should feel is the fear of spending the latter two-thirds of life unhappily, with the wrong person — the exact fate the fear-driven people risk because they’re trying to be risk-averse.


Meet "Externally Influenced Ed."

Externally Influenced Ed lets other people play way too big of a part in the life partner decision. The choosing of a life partner is deeply personal, enormously complicated, different for everyone, and almost impossible to understand from the outside, no matter how well you know someone. As such, other people’s opinions and preferences really have no place getting involved, other than an extreme case involving mistreatment or abuse.

The saddest example of this is someone breaking up with a person who would have been the right life partner because of external disapproval or a factor the chooser doesn’t actually care about (religion is a common one) but feels compelled to stick to for the sake of family insistence or expectations.

It can also happen the opposite way, where everyone in someone’s life is thrilled with his relationship because it looks great from the outside, and even though it’s not actually that great from the inside, Ed listens to others over his own gut and ties the knot.


Meet "Shallow Sharon."

Shallow Sharon is more concerned with the on-paper description of her life partner than the inner personality beneath it. There are a bunch of boxes that she needs to have checked — things like his height, job prestige, wealth level, accomplishments, or maybe a novelty item like being foreign or having a specific talent.

Everyone has certain on-paper boxes they’d like checked, but a strongly ego-driven person prioritizes appearances and résumés above even the quality of her connection with her potential life partner when weighing things.

If you want a fun new term, a significant other whom you suspect was chosen more because of the boxes they checked than for their personality underneath is a “Scantron boyfriend” or a “Scantron wife,” etc. — because they correctly fill out all the bubbles. I’ve gotten some good mileage out of that one.


Meet "Selfish Stanley."

Selfish Stanley come in three sometimes-overlapping varieties:

1. The “My Way or the Highway” Type

This person cannot handle sacrifice or compromise. She believes her needs and desires and opinions are simply more important than her partner’s, and she needs to get her way in almost any big decision. In the end, she doesn’t want a legitimate partnership, she wants to keep her single life and have someone there to keep her company.

This person inevitably ends up with at best a super easy-going person, and at worst, a pushover with a self-esteem issue, and sacrifices a chance to be part of a team of equals, almost certainly limiting the potential quality of her marriage.

2. The Main Character

The Main Character’s tragic flaw is being massively self-absorbed. He wants a life partner who serves as both his therapist and biggest admirer, but is mostly uninterested in returning either favor. Each night, he and his partner discuss their days, but 90% of the discussion centers on his day — after all, he’s the main character of the relationship. The issue for him is that by being incapable of tearing himself away from his personal world, he ends up with a sidekick as his life partner, which makes for a pretty boring 50 years.

3. The Needs-Driven

Everyone has needs, and everyone likes those needs to be met, but problems arise when the meeting of needs — she cooks for me, he’ll be a great father, she’ll make a great wife, he’s rich, she keeps me organized, he’s great in bed — becomes the main grounds for choosing someone as a life partner. Those listed things are all great perks, but that’s all they are: perks. And after a year of marriage, when the needs-driven person is now totally accustomed to having her needs met and it’s no longer exciting, there better be a lot more good parts of the relationship she’s chosen or she’s in for a dull ride.

The main reason most of the above types end up in unhappy relationships is that they’re consumed by a motivating force.

That force doesn’t take into account the reality of what a life partnership is and what makes it a happy thing.

So what makes a happy life partnership? Visit Wait But Why for Part 2 of this post.

Apple TV

Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

While remote work has been a mainstay since the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are attempting to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis, including one now-infamous effort from JPMorgan Chase. The company announced that as of March 2025, all employees were required to return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, welcome everyone back ( and perhaps twist the knife a bit deeper?) the United State's largest bank unveiled a plan for a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue—which would house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology—in addition to loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life.

Some of these "perks" were truly great and truly enticing. Others were... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn even noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance.

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower boasted 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan also tried to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforced the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way, especially when they compared it to the perks of WFH life.

"The climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Some at-home perk simply can't be beat. Photo credit: Canva

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

There are of course benefits to working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if you're required to be there, nothing offsets discomfort quite like delicious lunches and free yoga classes. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks coffee orders and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when employees walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, retseverance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobsurn to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Mark (Adam Scott) at the infamous dance party scene in Severance.  media0.giphy.com  

According to Forbes, there are 6 distinct reason companies might push for a return to the office. One, corporate heads believe employees get more "immersed in the company’s values." Two, they think it's easier to monitor whether or not an employee is actually working. Three, to justify the cot of that expensive office space. Four, to foster "spontaneous collaboration." Five, to give new employees a chance to observe and interact with more seasoned worker. and six, to restore a sense of belonging within the company.

But of course, none of these things have anything to do with what people really want: Autonomy. That, in addition to fair pay, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter. Please note how waffle parties did not make that list.

This article originally appeared in February

"Either way you've been there before."

We talk a lot about the awkwardness of having that inevitable “birds and the bees” talk with our kiddos, but there’s another conversation topic bound to be even more anxiety inducing: what happens after we die.

It’s a difficult question for parents to answer, since not even we really know what happens after we pass on. Those who subscribe to a religious belief connected to an afterlife might have perhaps an easier time initially, but even then, there are bound to be very complex follow-up questions that aren’t so easy to navigate…especially in a way that kids can understand without getting overwhelmed. Because let’s face it, it’s an overwhelming topic no matter what age you are.

 death, death talk, talking to kids about death, grief, death anxiety, afterlife, difficult conversations, parenting A mother consoling her grieving children. Photo credit: Canva

And yet, a mom named Penny offered to share how she has the “death talk" with her young ones, and it’s actually pretty darn solid.

Because every bit of it is great, we’re just putting the whole thing down below:

When my kids would say ‘Mommy, where do you go after you die?’ I would tell them, ‘I think you probably just go to wherever you were before you were born.’ And they’d ask me ‘Where is that?’ and I’d say ‘I don’t know. I don’t remember. It might be a place, it might be nothing. Either way, you’ve been there before. Because before you were here if you were somewhere else you were OK. And if you were nowhere that was OK, too. So if you die and you go somewhere else, you’ll be OK. But if you die and it’s nothing you’ve been in nothing before and it was OK. It’ll be OK then, too.’”

 
 @iwillfightyourdad Shockingly we haven’t had a single existential crisis after this discussion.
 ♬ original sound - 🪿🎀Penny🎀🪿 
 
 

Tearing up? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

“Okay but why did this make me cry,” one person wrote. Others noted how these were equally wise words for adults who might be dealing with their own death anxiety.

“Are you sure this is an answer for kids? Because I think you just cured my fear of death as a 35 yo,” one person quipped.

Another echoed, “as an adult who panics about there being nothing after death…this brought me bittersweet comfort. That my deepest fear could be true, but to take a different perspective on it.”

Penny’s words echo that of poet and Epicurean philosopher Lucretius, who viewed death as simply a return to the non-existent state we were in before birth. If one doesn't fear the time before their birth, they shouldn't fear the time after their death, he argued. 

In his book On the Nature of Things, Lucretius wrote:

“Consider the time before we were born: we felt no distress when the Carthaginians were attacking Rome on every side; and the whole world was shaken by the frightening tumult of that war… and in the same way in the future, when we shall no longer exist, and the final breaking up occurs for the body and spirit from which we are now compounded into a single unit, nothing whatever will be able to happen to us, or produce any sensation — not even if the the earth should collapse in to the sea, or the sea explode in the sky…”

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Beautifully written, but we can easily see how Penny’s “Either way, you’ve been there before” version is a little easier to comprehend for kids and adults alike.

Obviously, with a complex subject like this, there will be several layers of conversations to be had and feelings to process. After all, no one has all the answers…and that can be scary. But wisdom like this can certainly help navigate through that murky terrain. Several folks are calling for Penny to make this into a children’s book, so who knows? Maybe parents will soon have it as a little companion when they have the Grim Reaper chat with their littles. Or to come back to for themselves.

If not, they can always go back to her very thoughtful video.

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

Joy

Indie band gets offer from a total stranger to 'fix' their song and it becomes a viral hit

It's not only being hailed the song of the summer, but a reason to still believe in humanity.

@rachelruffcuyler/TikTok

The Internet can be a wonderful place. Here's proof.

For all its faults, the Internet—TikTok especially—has a magical way of inspiring connections that otherwise would never have happened.

This was certainly the case for Rachel Ruff Cuyler and a Utah-based indie band named Poolhouse that randomly came across her feed one day. Neither Cuyler nor the members of Poolhouse could have guessed that a few tweaks offered by Cuyler would end up making a viral hit…or a fast friendship.

“There’s a song that came across my algorithm yesterday,, and all I want to do is fix it,” Cuyler said with a beaming smile in the TikTok video that set this whole story off.

 rachel ruff cuyler, poolhouse, indie rock, music, viral song, rock music, tiktok collabs, harmonies, teenage dirtbag Rachel Ruff Cuyler explaining how she would "fix" Poolhouse' song to make it the next "Teenage Dirtbag." @rachelruffcuyler/TikTok

The song in question, “Could Be Love,” had “all the pieces” of a mega-hit, Cuyler noted. It even had the potential to become the next “Teenage Dirtbag” (strong praise, Cuyler, strong praise). The only issue was all those great pieces were “in the wrong place.”

Getting delightfully enthusiastic, Cuyler suggested three things. One, that the chorus be made into the first verse, in addition to being the chorus. Two, that the current first chorus be made into the second verse. When the song gets to the chorus, it should be punched up “the same way they did in the Pepper Ann theme song.” Millennials felt that in their core.

In case you’re unfamiliar, here’s that bop:

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Lastly, Cuyler said that the sound needed to be “fuller” overall, and proposed adding more call and response bits as well as more harmonies. But you don’t have to imagine any of this, cause she cut a version herself, which you can hear (and witness Cuyler rocking out to joyously) at about 1 minute and 23 seconds into the clip:


In a lovely act of fate, Cuyler’s video ended up going viral, with millions of people, including bona fide hitmakers like Muni Long, wholeheartedly agreeing with her take. This in turn, helped the video make its way back to Poolhouse.

Rather than taking any offense, Poolhouse members were taken aback by Cuyler's positivity, and incorporated her notes to create “Could Be Love - Rachel’s Version.” They even invited Cuyler from her home in Atlanta out to Utah to be in the music video.

Cuyler, of course, said yes. And as the freshly made chorus begins to play, she jumps into frame and rocks out with her new buds, which you can see below:

 
 @poolhouseband Thank you to Rachel and everyone following this story for putting us in a position where we can release two versions of a song that we truly love. We feel this whole thing is what Poolhouse is all about and we are so proud of Rachel’s Version and the OG. Our song of the summer is out and we hope it will be the song of your summer too! Thank god I’m a loser! 🫶🏻 @Rachel Makes Movies (and TV) @Spotify ♬ Could Be Love (Rachel's Version) - Poolhouse 
 
 

Sure enough, “Could Be Love - Rachel’s Version” became a hit. But perhaps even more importantly, it gave people a much needed restoration in their faith for humanity.

“What a time to be alive! The internet was made for moments like this.”

“Proof that AI can never truly replace human art, because AI would never know we needed the Pepper Ann Treatment.”

“I love how both parties understand the concept of constructive criticism. Like the band says she didn't just say ‘your song is bad,’ she actually gives them a proper criticism, telling them which parts that could be fixed and better. At the same time, the band have their eyes wide to see that she's genuinely trying to help them instead of just bashing them. In a better world, this should be the norm.”

“This is a beautiful illustration of what constructive criticism actually looks like and the importance of framing your argument in a such a way that the people you are trying to reach don't take offense and immediately tune you out. The result of being open to listening to ideas from outside your circle of trust are not always this amazing, but more times than not, you will come away with a new idea.”

“Awesome story. This is what the internet was created for connection and inspiration. More of this please.”

Never underestimate the power of sharing your authentic enthusiasm. You never know what wonderful collaborations, adventures, and memories it might be inviting in.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Stay tuned with all things Poolhouse and Rachel Ruff Cuyler via the link below

Poolhouse: IG, TikTok, Spotify

Rachel Ruff Cuyler: TikTok

Canva Photos & By International Phonetic Association - CC BY-SA 3.0,

Actors and elite language learners have a secret tool that rapidly accelerates their pronunciation skills.

There's a lot of talk around bad or unconvincing accents in Hollywood movies. Lines, scenes, or entire films that just don't quite sound right. But there are just as many, or more, examples that are absolutely brilliant.

One of my favorite recent examples is Tom Holland in the Spiderman films. Holland is British, and sounds like it in real life. Yet in the Marvel movies, he perfectly passes for a young American kid speaking plain old English. I can't imagine how much work it must take for him to (seemingly effortlessly) sound like an American! Andrew Garfield (ironically, another Spiderman) also does a commendable American accent, as does Idris Elba. Meryl Streep is world-renowned for her accent work in movies. Cate Blanchett is another actress that's consistently lauded for accurate dialects. The list goes on and on.

Have you ever wondered how certain actors get so good at accents? Of course, they have coaches to help them but do some people just have a natural ear for replicating dialects?

Well, yes, some people do have a natural ear and talent for accents. But there's an incredible phonetic tool that some actors use to master their accent work. It's a special alphabet that anyone can learn, and it can enhance your ability to speak any language fluently and convincingly.

And most people have never heard of it!

Learning any language, even your own native language, requires a fair bit of memorization. Pronunciation cues aren't always obvious in the written language. Duolingo astutely points out that the u in 'dude,' 'put,' and 'putt' makes a slightly different sound in each word.

We know the e at the end of 'dude' makes the long u sound. But what explains the difference between putting (like golf) or putting (as in, to put) and the difference between pudding and puddle?

Unless you've memorized the near-entirety of the English language (the way we do slowly as we grow up surrounded by it), you'd have a nightmare of a time trying to pronounce it all properly. Add in tongues, accents, and dialects that alter the rules as we know them of language, and you can imagine how difficult it would be for, say, a person who grew up speaking Spanish trying to learn a specific flavor of New York English.

This is where the International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA) comes in. It's a universal organizational system that categorizes all the different possible vowel and consonant sounds the human mouth can make, and writes letters and words according to those sounds—not any one specific language's writing system.

So, when it comes to that pesky letter u, when using the IPA you won't have to guess what sound it makes based on the letters that surround it.

The three U sounds would all be written differently: /u/, /ʊ/, or /ʌ/.

Conversely, there are several combinations of vowels in English that all make the same sound. 'Bead,' 'tree,' 'key,' and 'chic' all have the same vowel sound in the middle despite different spellings. Confusing! With the IPA, however, that sound would be written as /i/ regardless of what letters make up the sound. It's all about the mouth!


@vox.to.verba

Reply to @thechronictrekkie #ipa #internationalphoneticalphabet #linguistics #linguistic #appliedlinguistics #ipachart #phoneticalphabet #phonetics #phoneticsandphonology

The phonetic alphabet is incredibly detailed in its cataloguing of sounds. There are terms and annotations that refer to the shape and position of your mouth and tongue as you create the sound, words that describe how much air you're letting out, whether your tone is rising or falling. It's absolutely incredible.

For example, the voiced alveolar tap is something of an "r" sound that involves tapping the tongue on the roof of the mouth. That's not to be confused with the voiced alveolar flap which has the tongue slightly curled before tapping. Fascinating!

Imagine being an actor trying to learn an Irish accent for a role. You can listen, and be coached, by a native speaker. But it might also be extremely helpful to break your lines down into the specific sounds and mouth shapes you'll need to master in order to sound truly authentic.

 accents, language, accent, english accent, foreign language, ESL, speech therapy, phonics, phonetics, actorsNot  Not exactly a light read, but if you're serious about mastering your pronunciation the IPA can be a huge help.International Phonetic Association, CC BY-SA 3.0

You don't have to be an actor trying master an accent to learn the IPA and make good use of it.

Studying the IPA for a language you're trying to learn can rapidly accelerate your pronunciation. Phonetic spellings not only tell you the shape and movement of your mouth, it can also tell you which syllable in the word should get the emphasis and how your vocal tone should change throughout the word. That kind of learning can take you from someone who can merely stumble through a few sentences in a chosen language, to someone who can truly converse in it.

The phonetic alphabet is also heavily used in speech therapy. Therapists will create a phonetic transcription of a sample of speech in order to determine the nature of any errors or difficulties. That allows them to create a targeted treatment plan to address those specific errors.


@englishnativetongue

Now I know my IPA I hope you learned with me today! 🎶 The English International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA) Song I saw @CoffeeCupEnglish do this song and I just had to try my best and recreate it with an American accent! #englishlanguage #englishlearning #ipasong #nativetongue

English is such a funny and tricky language. For every rule (of which there are many), there are twice as many exceptions. It's a wonder anyone can ever learn it.

And yet, English is the third most spoke language in the world, and one of the most universal. It's an extremely common second language for people in all corners of the globe, which sure is convenient for those of us born in America.

Somehow, I never knew there was an easier way to learn how to pronounce things. A way to bypass all of English's nonsensical rules and unspoken peccadilloes. If only the International Phonetic Alphabet wasn't such an eyesore on paper, maybe we could ditch the written version of English entirely. Then, of course, I would be out of a job!