upworthy
More

3 things to watch out for when you're trying to pick the right life partner.

Aka how to avoid a frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and messing up the most important decision of your life.

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

To a frustrated single person, life can often feel like this:


And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are, on average, happier than single people and much happier than divorced people.

But a closer analysis reveals that if you split up “married people” into two groups based on marriage quality, “people in self-assessed poor marriages are fairly miserable, and much less happy than unmarried people, and people in self-assessed good marriages are even more happy than the literature reports.”

In other words, here’s what’s happening in reality:

Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position.

A single person who would like to find a great relationship is one step away from it, with their to-do list reading: “Find a great relationship.” People in unhappy relationships, on the other hand, are threeleaps away, with a to-do list of: “Go through a soul-crushing break-up. Emotionally recover. Find a great relationship.”

Not as bad when you look at it that way, right?

All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. It’s your life partner.

Thinking about how overwhelmingly important it is to pick the right life partner, though, is like thinking about how huge the universe really is or how terrifying death really is: It’s too intense to internalize the reality of it, so we just don’t think about it that hard and remain in slight denial about the magnitude of the situation.

Unlike death and the universe’s size, picking a life partner is fully in your control.

It's critical to be entirely clear on how big of a deal the decision really is and to thoroughly analyze the most important factors in making it.

So, how big of a deal is it?

Well, start by subtracting your age from 90. If you live a long life, that’s about the number of years you’re going to spend with your current or future life partner, give or take a few. No matter who you are, that’s a lot of time — and almost the entirety of the rest of your one existence.

(Sure, people get divorced, but you don’t think you will. A recent study shows that 86% of young adults assume their current or future marriage will be forever, and I doubt older people feel much differently. So we’ll proceed under that assumption.)

And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things.

You're choosing your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times.

Given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy?

It turns out that there are a bunch of factors working against us:

1. People tend to be bad at knowing what they want from a relationship.

Studies have shown people to be generally bad, when single, at predicting what later turn out to be their actual relationship preferences. One study found that speed daters questioned about their relationship preferences usually prove themselves wrong just minutes later with what they show to prefer in the actual event.

This shouldn’t be a surprise — in life, you usually don’t get good at something until you’ve done it a bunch of times. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision. There’s just not enough time. And given that a person’s partnership persona and relationship needs are often quite different from the way they are as a single person, it’s hard as a single person to really know what you want or need from a relationship.

2. Society has it all wrong and gives us terrible advice.

→ Society encourages us to stay uneducated and let romance be our guide.

If you’re running a business, conventional wisdom states that you’re a much more effective business owner if you study business in school, create well thought-out business plans, and analyze your business’s performance diligently. This is logical, because that’s the way you proceed when you want to do something well and minimize mistakes.

But if someone went to school to learn about how to pick a life partner and take part in a healthy relationship, if they charted out a detailed plan of action to find one, and if they kept their progress organized rigorously in a spreadsheet, society says they’re A) an over-rational robot, B) way too concerned about this, and C) a huge weirdo.

When it comes to dating, society frowns upon thinking too much about it, instead opting for things like relying on fate, going with your gut, and hoping for the best. If a business owner took society’s dating advice for her business, she’d probably fail, and if she succeeded, it would be partially due to good luck — and that’s how society wants us to approach dating.

Society places a stigma on intelligently expanding our search for potential partners.

In a study on what governs our dating choices more, our preferences or our current opportunities, opportunities wins hands down — our dating choices are“98% a response ... to market conditions and just 2% immutable desires. Proposals to date tall, short, fat, thin, professional, clerical, educated, uneducated people are all more than nine-tenths governed by what’s on offer that night.”

In other words, people end up picking from whatever pool of options they have, no matter how poorly matched they might be to those candidates. The obvious conclusion to draw here is that outside of serious socialites, everyone looking for a life partner should be doing a lot of online dating, speed dating, and other systems created to broaden the candidate pool in an intelligent way.

But good old society frowns upon that, and people are often still timid to say they met their spouse on a dating site. The respectable way to meet a life partner is by dumb luck, by bumping into them randomly or being introduced to them from within your little pool. Fortunately, this stigma is diminishing with time, but that it’s there at all is a reflection of how illogical the socially accepted dating rulebook is.

Society rushes us.

In our world, the major rule is to get married before you’re too old — and “too old” varies from 25–35, depending on where you live. The rule should be “whatever you do, don’t marry the wrong person,” but society frowns much more upon a 37-year-old single person than it does an unhappily married 37-year-old with two children. It makes no sense — the former is one step away from a happy marriage, while the latter must either settle for permanent unhappiness or endure a messy divorce just to catch up to where the single person is.

3. Our biology is doing us no favors.

→ Human biology evolved a long time ago and doesn’t understand the concept of having a deep connection with a life partner for 50 years.

When we start seeing someone and feel the slightest twinge of excitement, our biology gets into “okay let’s do this” mode and bombards us with chemicals designed to get us to mate (lust), fall in love (the Honeymoon Phase), and then commit for the long run (attachment). Our brains can usually override this process if we’re just not that into someone, but for all those middle-ground cases where the right move is probably to move on and find something better, we often succumb to the chemical roller coaster and end up getting engaged.

→ Biological clocks are a bitch.

For a woman who wants to have biological children with her husband, she has one very real limitation in play, which is the need to pick the right life partner by 40, give or take. This is just a shitty fact and makes an already hard process one notch more stressful. Still, if it were me, I’d rather adopt children with the right life partner than have biological children with the wrong one.


So when you take a bunch of people who aren’t that good at knowing what they want in a relationship, surround them with a society that tells them they have to find a life partner but that they should under-think, under-explore, and hurry up, and combine that with biology that drugs us as we try to figure it out and promises to stop producing children before too long ... what do you get?

A frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and a lot of people messing up the most important decision of their life.

Let’s take a look at some of the common types of people who fall victim to all of this and end up in unhappy relationships.

Meet "Overly Romantic Ronald."

Overly Romantic Ronald’s downfall is believing that love is enough reason on its own to marry someone. Romance can be a great part of a relationship, and love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage, but without a bunch of other important things, it’s simply not enough.

The overly romantic person repeatedly ignores the little voice that tries to speak up when he and his girlfriend are fighting constantly or when he seems to feel much worse about himself these days than he used to before the relationship, shutting the voice down with thoughts like “Everything happens for a reason and the way we met couldn’t have just been coincidence” and “I’m totally in love with her, and that’s all that matters” — once an overly romantic person believes he’s found his soul mate, he stops questioning things, and he’ll hang onto that belief all the way through his 50 years of unhappy marriage.


Meet "Fear-Driven Frida."

Fear is one of the worst possible decision-makers when it comes to picking the right life partner. Unfortunately, the way society is set up, fear starts infecting all kinds of otherwise-rational people, sometimes as early as the mid-20s. The types of fear our society (and parents, and friends) inflict upon us — fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, sometimes just fear of being judged or talked about — are the types that lead us to settle for a not-so-great partnership. The irony is that the only rational fear we should feel is the fear of spending the latter two-thirds of life unhappily, with the wrong person — the exact fate the fear-driven people risk because they’re trying to be risk-averse.


Meet "Externally Influenced Ed."

Externally Influenced Ed lets other people play way too big of a part in the life partner decision. The choosing of a life partner is deeply personal, enormously complicated, different for everyone, and almost impossible to understand from the outside, no matter how well you know someone. As such, other people’s opinions and preferences really have noplace getting involved, other than an extreme case involving mistreatment or abuse.

The saddest example of this is someone breaking up with a person who would have been the right life partner because of external disapproval or a factor the chooser doesn’t actually care about (religion is a common one) but feels compelled to stick to for the sake of family insistence or expectations.

It can also happen the opposite way, where everyone in someone’s life is thrilled with his relationship because it looks great from the outside, and even though it’s not actually that great from the inside, Ed listens to others over his own gut and ties the knot.


Meet "Shallow Sharon."

Shallow Sharon is more concerned with the on-paper description of her life partner than the inner personality beneath it. There are a bunch of boxes that she needs to have checked — things like his height, job prestige, wealth level, accomplishments, or maybe a novelty item like being foreign or having a specific talent.

Everyone has certain on-paper boxes they’d like checked, but a strongly ego-driven person prioritizes appearances and résumés above even the quality of her connection with her potential life partner when weighing things.

If you want a fun new term, a significant other whom you suspect was chosen more because of the boxes they checked than for their personality underneath is a “Scantron boyfriend” or a “Scantron wife,” etc. — because they correctly fill out all the bubbles. I’ve gotten some good mileage out of that one.


Meet "Selfish Stanley."

Selfish Stanley come in three sometimes-overlapping varieties:

1. The “My Way or the Highway” Type

This person cannot handle sacrifice or compromise. She believes her needs and desires and opinions are simply more important than her partner’s, and she needs to get her way in almost any big decision. In the end, she doesn’t want a legitimate partnership, she wants to keep her single life and have someone there to keep her company.

This person inevitably ends up with at best a super easy-going person, and at worst, a pushover with a self-esteem issue, and sacrifices a chance to be part of a team of equals, almost certainly limiting the potential quality of her marriage.

2. The Main Character

The Main Character’s tragic flaw is being massively self-absorbed. He wants a life partner who serves as both his therapist and biggest admirer, but is mostly uninterested in returning either favor. Each night, he and his partner discuss their days, but 90% of the discussion centers on his day — after all, he’s the main character of the relationship. The issue for him is that by being incapable of tearing himself away from his personal world, he ends up with a sidekick as his life partner, which makes for a pretty boring 50 years.

3. The Needs-Driven

Everyone has needs, and everyone likes those needs to be met, but problems arise when the meeting of needs — she cooks for me, he’ll be a great father, she’ll make a great wife, he’s rich, she keeps me organized, he’s great in bed — becomes the main grounds for choosing someone as a life partner. Those listed things are all great perks, but that’s all they are: perks. And after a year of marriage, when the needs-driven person is now totally accustomed to having her needs met and it’s no longer exciting, there better be a lot more good parts of the relationship she’s chosen or she’s in for a dull ride.

The main reason most of the above types end up in unhappy relationships is that they’re consumed by a motivating force.

That force doesn’t take into account the reality of what a life partnership is and what makes it a happy thing.

So what makes a happy life partnership? Visit Wait But Why for Part 2 of this post.

Can you grow vegetables in a cardboard box?

In the era of supermarkets and wholesale clubs, growing your own food isn't a necessity for most Americans. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea to try.

A household garden can be a great way to reduce your grocery bill and increase your intake of nutrient-dense foods. It can also be a good source of exercise and a hobby that gets you outside in the sunshine and fresh air more often. However, not everyone has a yard where they can grow a garden or much outdoor space at all where they live. You can plant things in containers, but that requires some upfront investment in planters.

container garden, growing plants in containers, growing vegetables, homegrown, producePotted plants and herbs can thrive in a container garden.Photo credit: Canva

Or does it? Gardener James Prigioni set out to see if an Amazon shipping box would hold up as a planter for potatoes. He took a basic single-walled Amazon box, lined it with dried leaves to help with moisture retention, added four to five inches of soil (his own homegrown soil he makes), added three dark red seed potatoes, covered them with more soil, added a fertilizer, then watered them.

He also planted a second, smaller Amazon box with two white seed potatoes, following the same steps.

Two weeks later, he had potato plants growing out of the soil. Ten days after that, the boxes were filled with lush plants.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Prigioni explained how to "hill" potato plants when they grow tall enough, which helps encourage more tuber growth and protect the growing potatoes from sunlight. Hilling also helps support the plants as they grow taller so they don't flop over. He also added some mulch to help keep the plants cooler as the summer grew hotter.

After hilling, Prigioni only needed to keep up with watering. Both varieties of potatoes flowered, which let him know the tubers were forming. The red potato leaves developed some pest issues, but not bad enough to need intervention, while the white potato plants were unaffected. "It goes to show how variety selection can make a big difference in the garden," he explained.

The visible plants have to start dying before you harvest potatoes, and Prigioni checked in with the boxes themselves when they got to that point.

vegetable garden, growing potatoes, grow potatoes in a cardboard box, Amazon box, farmingFreshly harvested potatoes are so satisfying.Photo credit: Canva

"I am pleasantly surprised with how well the boxes held up," he said, especially for being single-walled boxes. The smaller box was completely intact, while the larger box had begun to split in one corner but not enough to affect the plants' growth. "This thing was completely free to grow in, so you can't beat that," he pointed out.

Prigioni predicted that the red potatoes grown in the larger box would be more productive. As he cut open the box and pulled potatoes from the larger box, they just kept coming, ultimately yielding several dozen potatoes of various sizes. The smaller box did have a smaller yield, but still impressive just from two potatoes planted in an Amazon box.

People often think they don't have room to grow their own food, which is why Prigioni put these potato boxes on his patio. "A lot of people have an area like this," he said.

"I will never look at cardboard boxes the same," Prigioni added. "There are so many uses for them in the garden and it's just a great free resource we have around, especially if you're ordering stuff from Amazon all the time."

cardboard box, container garden, amazon box, growing vegetables, gardeningDo you see a box or do you see a planter?Photo credit: Canva

People loved watching Prigioni's experiment and shared their own joy—and success—in growing potatoes in a similar fashion:

"I have been growing potatoes in every box I can find for several years now. I have had excellent success. I honestly think potatoes prefer cardboard. And yes, most of my boxes were from Amazon."

"I live in an upstairs apartment with a little deck and I have a container garden with containers on every single stair leading to the deck. I grow potatoes in a laundry basket. It's amazing how much food I can get from this type of garden!! Grateful."

"I literally got up and grabbed the empty boxes by our front door, the potatoes that have started to sprout, and soil i had inside and started my planting at 1am. Lol. I will take them outside today and finish. Thank you James!"

"I grew potatoes and tomatoes on my tiny balcony in Germany (in buckets and cardboard boxes). Now I have a big garden here in America. I so love to grow my own food."

"I grew sweet potatoes in cardboard boxes. It’s so much fun."

Next time you're stuck with an Amazon box that you don't have a use for, consider whether you could use it as a planter for potatoes or some other edible harvest. Gardening doesn't have to be fancy to be effective.

You can find more of gardening experiments on The Gardening Channel with James Prigioni.

Inside Edition/YouTube

Former Miss Teen Arkansas Mackenzie Scott helps single mom Kayla Jo Singleterry at nail salon.

When single mom Kayla Jo Singleterry (@miss.kaylajo) stepped into the nail salon with her newborn baby girl Hendricks Hutton, she was hoping to get a *peaceful* powder dip manicure to celebrate her birthday. But baby Hendricks had other plans.

That's when a kind stranger sitting next to her saw she was struggling with her crying baby, and offered to hold her while she finished getting her nails done. The selfless stranger turned out to be Mackenzie Scott, former Miss Teen Arkansas.

Singleterry shared an emotional video on TikTok of Scott holding and bouncing baby Hendricks. "This sweet girl noticed I was overwhelmed at the nail salon and offered to hold baby girl so I could get my nails done," she wrote in the video's caption.

@miss.kaylajo

**just uploaded a video to update you all 💕** I hope you know what a rare gem you are @Kenzis979 Turns out she was Miss Arkansas Teen USA in 2023 👸🏼 #babygirl #fyp #singlemom #babytok #baby

Little did Scott know that her kind gesture was especially meaningful on that day in particular. "You may never know how much this means to me," she added. "What you didn't know is it was for my birthday and one of the first things I've gotten done for myself since I had her. I'm forever grateful for you! The world needs more of you!"

In the comment section, viewers shared kind words for both women.

"Sometimes our village is a complete stranger😭 I love this!!" one wrote.

Another added, "This is girlhood✨😍."

One more shared, "If she isn’t a mom already, she’ll be an amazing mom in the future (if she chooses to be). I love seeing women’s natural motherly instinct kick in. Such a beautiful thing. 🥹 What a blessing."

@miss.kaylajo

This is the village everyone talks about ✨👯‍♀️ We’re beyond grateful for all the love and support from you all! Our hope is that this one act of kindness inspires others to do the same. A simple “I’m happy to help if you need a minute” can mean the world—even if they say no. Let’s make 2025 the year we love each other OUT LOUD! ❤️ The world needs more @Kenzis979 so let’s create more! 💎 Something tells me you’ll be seeing a lot more of us! 💕 #actsofkindness #babygirl #nailsalon #thevillage #fyp

In an interview with PEOPLE, Singleterry shared more details about the interaction. "I had dip powder on my nails and was trying to hold Hendricks, but I was getting it all over her sweatshirt. I was literally sweating and on the verge of tears. I just wanted to go. But I already had the dip powder on my nails when Mackenzie walked over and offered to help," she said.

Scott also told the publication that once she picked up baby Hendricks, she immediately stopped crying. For the next 45 minutes, she held her. "I’ve always loved children and enjoy babysitting, so getting to see the baby smile while her mom enjoyed getting her nails done made me so happy," Scott said.

After her nails were done, she thanked Scott for her total act of kindness towards her. The two did not exchange contact information, but later that night Scott told PEOPLE that Singleterry had found her on social media and sent her a DM, asking for permission to share their story on TikTok.

@kenziescot

THANK YOU! @Kayla Jo #babygirl #fyp #thankful #babytok #baby #kindness #onesmallactofkindness #spreadlove

"I'm a single mom. The reason I brought her is I don't have any other help," Singleterry added. "Her dad's not around. My mom was with me, and other than that, I have no one. I was so overwhelmed. It didn’t hit me until I was just laying there. I was like, 'Some random person just allowed me to do something I haven’t been able to do for myself since I had her.' "

Since then, the two women have become friends. "I have been praying for this village," Singleterry shared. "Everybody talks about it takes a village. I stayed so strong throughout my entire pregnancy with Hendricks. She has a different dad than my older daughter. I've been praying for this village that people talk about or just to have her have some other support in her life. The other day I opened my Facebook messages and Mackenzie's mom had messaged me and said, 'We are here to be your village.' And I just broke down. Oh my God. I was just so grateful. I think I made some lifelong connections for sure."

via Rob Dance (used with permission).

CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive. It’s a win-win for all involved.

Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of his team by treating them like adults.

The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:

Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:

- Can I leave early today

- I’ll be late in the morning

- My child is sick, can I rush off

- I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay

- I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.

I don’t care.

I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.

I don’t need you to account for every single hour.

Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.

People are sick of being treated like children.

All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.


He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.

Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.

“Many bosses don't trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”


Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.

“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I've always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”

The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.

“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”

In April 2025, Dance shared some additional wisdom that highlights the power of leaders prioritizing culture. He took a photo of himself holding a whiteboard with some more wisdom that all CEOs should take to heart: "An employee who leaves for the salary might return for the culture, but if they leave because of the culture, no salary will ever bring them back."

It makes you wonder, if the money was right, which previous jobs would you go back to, and which ones would you reject?


rob dance, work-life balance, ROCK UK, bosess, pto, time off, employee complaintsCEO Rob Dance holds up a whipe board with his culture philosophy. www.linkedin.com


This article originally appeared last year.

A nurse holding a baby (left); Jars of beads (right)

Gen Zers are often made fun of for baring their hearts online and not having the same emotional compartmentalization skills as their predecessors, but as these folks enter the workplace, especially in the healthcare field, those qualities might be just what’s desperately needed.

Case and point: Jayuanna Thomas, a 25-year-old labor nurse who commemorates every birth she’s ever participated in with especially colored beads. So far, she has 211 beads in her baby bead jar.

She currently has 117 beads blue for boys, and 90 pink for girls. The there are eight yellow for the sweet babies who were “born sleeping” and are “just as important as blues and pinks." Next she has one purple, for the one time (so far) that she delivered a baby entirely alone, simply because things happened too fast. Finally, she has two green, for the “special” deliveries that touched Nurse Jay’s heart in a unique way that she’d never forget.

@jayuanna.lenee Here’s my baby jar! So thankful to be apart of so many special deliveries🥹🩵🩷💛💚 #babyjay #babybeadjar #laboranddelivery #laboranddeliverynurse #landdnurse ♬ Walking Around - Instrumental Version - Eldar Kedem

It's such a simple idea, and yet it really hit a powerful nerve among viewers, especially those with their own “yellow bead babies.”

“My daughter is someone’s yellow bead but she is forever my first pink bead.”

“As the mom of a baby born sleeping, 41 years ago, 3 weeks overdue, it was the nurse I remember all of these years. She was a bright light in a dark time.”

“My son was stillborn in 2018. The compassionate nurses really got me through it. Thank you for honoring the other stillborns. It means a lot.”

I wonder if my Angel baby is a bead in someone's jar.”

In an interview withNewsweek, Thomas shared that being an obstetrician-gynecologist (OBGYN) and delivering babies has been her dream since she was five years old.

"I never wanted to be anything else," she said. "One of my favorite parts of my job outside of being able to see life being brought into the world is sitting in my patients' rooms for HOURS getting to know them, their likes, dislikes, music preferences, what books they're reading etc."

Thomas’ deep emotional connection to her work is made all the more evident by her baby bead jar, which is not only heartwarming, but pretty revolutionary when you think about it. Our current healthcare system, among its many flaws, often focuses more on clinical care than compassionate care. Imagine if every hospital room had a similar baby bead jar, commemorating every birth for the sacred event that it is, regardless of the outcome?

labor nurse, nurse baby bead jar, baby bead jar, giving birth, nurses, healthcare, delivering babiesA pair of hands holding another pair of hands. Photo credit: Canva

Luckily, Thomas, and many nurses just like her, find their own unique ways of going against the system to humanly care in truly wonderful ways. Seems like Gen Z has a thing or two to teach us after all.

Homey D. Clown from "In Living Color."

Every generation and decade has its slang. These days, young people often use slang terms and phrases, such as “slay,” “no cap,” and “bet,” which can be hard to understand if you’re older than 25. But, of course, that’s the point. If you think these kids are unintelligible, what do you think would happen if you sent them back in time to 1992 and they had to figure out what Pauly Shore was saying in Encino Man?

Could a Gen Zer figure out what he meant when he said, “If you're edged 'cause I'm weazin' all your grindage, just chill"? Or would they know what Shore meant when he said, “The truth is, bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man"? Probably not.


To help remind everyone that people in the ‘90s had their own bizarre slang, too, a Redditor named @NoahtheAttacker asked folks on the AskReddit subforum, “What’s the most ‘90s slang/phrase?” and reading the responses is like taking a time machine back to the era of Bill Clinton, neon-colored clothing, and In Living Color.

Here are 13 of the best responses, with our best attempt at explaining them to the older and younger generations.

1. "Not!"

For the uninitiated, this phrase was used to negate the sentence that came before. For example, President George Bush, who famously disliked broccoli, would say, "I love broccoli," then pause for two seconds, and say, "Not!" You must say "not" in a very obnoxious way. Or, in the song "Wayne's World Theme" from the Wayne's World soundtrack, Mike Myers and Dana Carvey sing, "The right to party is a battle we have fought / But we'll surrender and go Amish... Not!"

Here's Borat trying to understand the intricacies of the "Not" joke.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com



2. "Talk to the hand"

The complete line of this phrase is, "Talk to the hand because the face don't give a damn" and it was used in the '90s to aggressively turn down a request. For instance, if someone you didn't like asked you for a date, you would put your palm up in a stop position and say, "Talk to the hand," which means stop there; I'm not listening.

3. "All that and a bag of chips"

This phrase was used when referring to someone who excels at a specific activity, such as playing football or rapping. It's also used to refer to someone very attractive, as in the title of the 1999 film, She's All That, starring Rachel Leigh Cook. The "bag of chips" was added later to take things up a notch and make them even better, much like the addition of some Doritos on the side of your Subway sandwich.


4. "Mad"

Now, if you're a Gen Zer, you may think that adding the term "mad" to something means it's angry. On the contrary, to say someone is "mad hungry" means they are very hungry. If you are mad rich, then you are wealthier than Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. If you have "mad skills," that means that you excel at a specific task.

5. "As if"

"As if" is a shorter way of saying, "As if I would ever..." Here's an example: "You want me to choose those '80s Jordache jeans over these sweet Z Cavaricci pants? As if." Or, "You think that I would choose to date Tiffani Amber Thiessen over Pamela Anderson? As if." To take things up a notch, you could add a "whatever" after the "as if" to really drive the point home.


6. "Word"

"Word" is a simple way to confirm something someone else had said. "You like that new bar-b-que burger at Carl's Jr.?" you'd ask your friend, and they would respond with "Word," meaning "yes." To make it even more emphatic, say, "Word up!" or to be super affirmative, "Word to your mother!"

7. "Homey don’t play dat"

"Homey don't play dat" was the catchphrase of Herman Simpson, aka Homey D. Clown, a bitter and hostile convict with a never-ending community service sentence, on TV's sketch show, In Living Color. Whenever a child on the show would ask Homey to do something clownish, he would respond, "Homey Don't play dat," and then whop the kid over the head with a sock containing a tennis ball inside. Colloquially, it was used to turn down people's requests. For example, if someone asked if you could work late on your shift at Musicland, you could respond, "Homey don't play dat."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


8. "Whatever"

"Whatever" is one of the most popular phrases of the '90s, and it perfectly encapsulates the Gen X mindset. It means, "I'm not impressed," "screw off," and "I don't care." It's a great way to blow someone off without having to provide a reason why.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


9. "Tight!"

This is a great term that remains relevant today, referring to something truly exceptional. If you perfectly execute or agree with what someone is saying, you say "tight." For example, if someone asked you, "Hey! You want to get a Pizazz pizza at Taco Bell?" You'd respond with, "Tight." Or another use would be, "Did you see Arrested Development on Arsenio Hall last night? They were so tight."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


10. Cowabunga, dude

"Cowabunga" is a 1960s surfer slang term that gained mainstream popularity in the 1990s after being popularized by Bart Simpson and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It basically means, "that's great" or "go for it!"

11. "Extreme"

In the 1990s, extreme sports were huge, whether that meant bungee jumping or wing suiting off the top of a mountain. Therefore, anything that was particularly intense, whether it was soda with a fierce flavor or nachos that were loaded higher than usual, was called extreme. Vanilla Ice's debut album, featuring the song "Ice Ice Baby," was called To the Extreme.

12. Da bomb

If something is really incredible, it's "da bomb." For example, you'd say, "Ahhh man, the new chili cheese fries at 7-11 are da bomb." Additionally, to make things more fun, you could say they were "the bomb diggity."

13. "Psych!" or "Sike!"

This is similar to the "not!" joke referenced above. You call "psych" on something when you psyche someone out or fool them. For example, if your friend really liked a girl named Heather, you could say, "Heather was totally scamming on you at lunch today." Surprised you'd say, "really?" But then your buddy would pull the rug out from underneath you with a "Psych!" and everyone would laugh at you.