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Craig Ferguson's '3-Question Rule' saved his marriage. It can help you improve any relationship.

Say goodbye to regrets.

craig ferguson, emotional intelligence, three question rule

via Mogiczar/YouTube

Craig Ferguson explains his '3 Question Rule.'

“Three things cannot be retrieved: The arrow once sped from the bow. The word spoken in haste. The missed opportunity,” Idries Shah writes in “Caravan of Dreams.” We all have moments when it is best to keep our mouths shut, but unfortunately, we said something careless and hurt someone’s feelings. Unfortunately, as Shah writes, it's impossible to take it back once we utter something regrettable.

Comedian Craig Ferguson, who hosted the CBS late-night talk show “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” from 2005 to 2014, learned to stop saying regrettable things the hard way. By sharing how he solved his problem in his stand-up act, he prevented many people from putting themselves in the same situation. In his 2011 EPIX comedy special, “Does This Need To Be Said?,” he shared how he overcame his habit of making regrettable remarks.

“The three things you must ask yourself before you say anything: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me, now?” Ferguson joked that it took him three marriages before he learned this lesson. In 2008, he married his third wife, art dealer Megan Wallace-Cunningham, and 3 years later, they had a son.

Warning: Strong language.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Ferguson shared the observation as part of a segment about how people constantly post regrettable things without thinking on the internet. This problem was not present in the Medieval ages when people couldn’t write, had nothing to write with, and had no internet.

The advice, now known by some as the “3-Question Rule,” has caught on beyond the world of stand-up comedy. Justin Bariso, an emotional intelligence expert and the author of "EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence," explained it recently on The Culture Crush podcast.

— (@)

Here’s how we can put the rule into practice in our everyday lives.

You go to Starbucks in the morning, and they accidentally forget to toast your bagel, and you want to give them a piece of your mind.

Does this need to be said? Nope, just move on with your day.

You notice that a co-worker is coming back from lunch looking intoxicated every day, and it’s beginning to become a problem. You want to let them know that being at work intoxicated is unacceptable.

Does this need to be said? Yes.

Does this need to be said by me? Nope. It is probably best to talk to your manager or HR.

You go out to dinner with some friends, and your spouse shares an embarrassing story about you that you'd rather she didn't share. You want to tell her that she upset you.

Does this need to be said? Yeah, for sure.

Does this need to be said by me? 100%.

Do I need to say this now? No. You can wait until you get home or tomorrow morning so you won’t fight in front of your friends.

The 3-Question Rule is a great way to pause and reflect before putting ourselves in an uncomfortable situation or hurting someone’s feelings. When you start stacking moments where you refrain from giving someone a piece of your mind or making a snide remark, you’ll build an even better inner strength that allows you to respond to situations versus mindlessly reacting. With that comes confidence, assertiveness, and fewer sleepless nights.

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communication tips

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Research shows why you should always pet your dog before leaving the house

via Pixabay

One of the most wonderful things about having a dog is how attached they become to their owners. I work from home and my Jack Russel terrier, Scout, lies next to me on his bed for most of the day. The only time he leaves my office is for a sip of water or to go outside and sun his belly on the porch.

That's why whenever I leave the house and can't take Scout with me, I wonder, "Does he miss me? Is he sad that he's alone?" Studies show that our dogs miss us the moment we leave the house and that feeling slowly intensifies until we are gone for about four hours and they have a "plateau of melancholy." That's why the longer you're away, the more excited your dog is when you return home.

The moment I pull up in my car Scout begins to howl like a wolf trying to contact someone who's miles away. It's like, "Dude, I'm 30 feet away. Give me a second to grab the groceries out of the trunk."

Researchers from the Universities of Pisa and Perugia, Italy have found that if you give your dog some affection before you leave the house they'll have less anxiety while you're away.

They conducted experiments with 10 dogs between the ages of one and 11 without attachment issues. The group was composed of seven mixed-breed dogs, one Labrador retriever, one Hovawart, and one Chihuahua.

Participants in the study walked their leashed dogs into a fenced area where they were greeted by a researcher who took their dog's heart rate. In the first test, after the owners walked their dogs into the area, they talked with a researcher for one minute then left without giving the dog any special attention.

In the second test, the dog owners petted the dog during their interaction with the researcher.

In both tests, the owners left the fenced area and hid far enough away so that the dog couldn't smell them.

After the owners left, the dogs looked for them for about three minutes on average. After the owners returned, the researchers measured the dogs' levels of the stress hormone cortisol as well as their heart rates.

The researchers found that whether the dogs were petted or not, their cortisol levels were unchanged. But their heart rate showed a marked decrease if the owners petted them before leaving. Researchers later watched videos of the dogs and found that the ones that were petted showed " behaviors indicative of calmness for a longer period while waiting for the owner's return."

Next time I'm ready to leave the house and Scout follows me to the front door after saying, "Sorry bud, you can't go with me on this trip," I'll kneel down and give him a little extra love and attention.

Maybe that way he won't howl like the house is on fire when I pull up in my car after a trip to the grocery store.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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A Canadian shelter sells older cats like used cars, and it's pretty effective...and hilarious.

Can I interest you in a pre-owned cat?

Used cars, er cats, for sale!

Ever walk onto a used cat lot? Yeah, you read that right.

That's right, it's a used cat lot! Except, it's not a lot, it's the Calgary Humane Society in Canada and in 2015 they came up with an excellent way to pair older kitties with new forever homes. So, why this approach?

Because in a world where around 7 million pets enter shelters and only around 4 million get out, that's a lot of sad math and a lot of good animals missing out on loving homes.

gif of mustached man showing off different cats

You name it; we got it.

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gif of different cats flashing by like an ad

All makes and models of cats.

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gif of cat nuzzling mustached man's ear

An escape attempt?

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In an attempt to out a stop to that sad math, the kind folks from the Calgary Humane Society got creative.

mustached man in suit advertising a shelter kitty

The top speed of cats...

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The fastest domestic cat running speed appears to be 29.8 mph. This salesman knows his product!

gif of mustached man in suit pantomimes cat ears in front of sign for Calgary Humane Society

Felines at the Human Society ready to go.

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They discovered some very adept cat performers.

mustached man advertises a black cat

Get yourself a pre-owned kitty.

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Call Hollywood!

They pulled out all the stops to help future cat owners realize that pre-owned cats are the way to go!

And in addition to the commercial, the cats were priced to go on a very special Saturday.

flashing cat ad

Reducing the price.

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They get it. Kittens are popular. There's no way around it. They're kittens! I used to be kitten-crazy (I was a child!), but I've adopted older cats and so have my friends. They're special. They're cute. They're soulful. And instead of adorably biting your fingers until they grow up past kittenhood, older cats chill out on your couch and teach you about relaxing.

gif of mustached man playing with a cat

The simple pleasures of cat ownership.

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Older or "pre-owned" cats are wonderful and they deserve homes too. While kittens can be fun for young families, older cats are perfect companions for everyone: kids, adults, and especially older adults who may be living alone. They're calmer, more tolerant, their personalities are fully developed, and they're just looking for a warm place to sleep and an owner to love and snuggle with. Sounds nice, doesn't it? If that doesn't convince you, though, there's always Calgary Humane's awesome commercial to further grease the wheels.

Check it out:

This article originally appeared ten years ago.

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Brit shares the one-word 'dead giveaway' that American actors are doing an English accent

There's one word they never get right.

via Warner Bros Discovery

Peter Dinklage on "Game of Thrones?

When it comes to actors doing accents across the pond, some Americans are known for their great British accents, such as Natalie Portman ("The Other Boleyn Girl"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Sherlock Homes"), and Meryl Streep ("The Iron Lady").

Some have taken a lot of heat for their cartoonish or just plain weird-sounding British accents, Dick Van Dyke ("Mary Poppins"), Kevin Costner ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") and Keanu Reeves ("Bram Stoker's Dracula").

Some actors, such as Tom Hardy (“The Drop”) and Hugh Laurie (“House”), have American accents so good that people have no idea they are British.

Benedict Townsend, a London-based comedian and host of the “Scroll Deep” podcast, says there is one word that American actors playing characters with a British accent never get right. And no, it’s not the word “Schedule,” which British people pronounce the entire first 3 letters, and Americans boil down to 2. And it’s not “aluminum,” which British and American people seem to pronounce every stinking letter differently.

@benedicttown
The one word American actors aways get wrong when doing an English accent

What word do American actors always get wrong when they do British accents?

“There is one word that is a dead giveaway that an English character in a movie or a TV show is being played by an American. One word that always trips them up. And once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it,” Townsend says. “You would see this lot in ‘Game of Thrones’ and the word that would always trip them up was ‘daughter.’”

Townsend adds that when British people say “daughter,” they pronounce it like the word “door” or “door-tah.” Meanwhile, Americans, even when they are putting on a British accent, say it like “dah-ter.”

“So top tip if you are an actor trying to do an English accent, daughter like a door. Like you're opening a door,” Townsend says.

What word do British actors always get wrong when doing American accents?

Some American commenters returned the favor by sharing the word that British actors never get right when using American accents: “Anything.”

"I can always tell a Brit playing an American by the word anything. An American would say en-ee-thing. Brits say it ena-thing,” Dreaming_of_Gaea wrote. "The dead giveaway for English people playing Americans: ‘Anything.’ Brits always say ‘EH-nuh-thin,’” marliemagill added.

"I can always tell an actor is English playing an American when they say ‘anything.’ English people always say it like ‘enny-thin,’” mkmason wrote.

What is the cot-caught merger?

One commenter noted that the problem goes back to the cot-caught merger, when Americans in the western US and Canadians began to merge different sounds into one. People on the East Coast and in Britain pronounce them as different sounds.

“Depending on where you live, you might be thinking one of two things right now: Of course, ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound exactly the same! or There’s no way that ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound the same!” Laura McGrath writes at DoYouReadMe. “As a result, although the different spellings remain, the vowel sounds in the words cot/caught, nod/gnawed, stock/stalk are identical for some English speakers and not for others.”

American actors owe Townsend a debt of gratitude for pointing out the one thing that even the best can’t seem to get right. He should also give the commenters a tip of the cap for sharing the big word that British people have trouble with when doing an American accent. Now, if we could just get through to Ewan McGregor and tell him that even though he is fantastic in so many films, his American accent still needs a lot of work.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Cool video reveals why people in old movies talked 'funny'

This speech pattern isn’t completely British or completely American, but a cool third thing.

Rotten Tomatoes YouTube/His Girl Friday (1940)

Cary Grant was a master of the Transatlantic accent

There's a distinct accent that American actors and broadcasters used in the early days of radio and in pre-World War II movies. It's most obvious in old newsreel footage where the announcer speaks in a high-pitched tone, omits his "Rs" at the end of words, and sounds like a New Yorker who just returned from a summer holiday with the British royal family.

This speaking style is also heard in the speeches of Franklin D. Roosevelt and just about any performance by Orson Welles. But today, this accent is all but nonexistent, prompting the question: Did Americans speak differently before the advent of television?

The video below, "Why Do People in Old Movies Talk Weird?" reveals the secret of this distinct inflection known as the Transatlantic or Mid-Atlantic accent, and why it was so prominent in early 20th-century American media.

20th Century Cinema and the Transatlantic/Mid-Atlantic Accent

Though the accent was heard across various films during the earlier part of 20th century cinema, this was not how day-to-day people talked. It existed just where it was most heard: in American media. Theater, radio, and film in the early to mid-20th century were saturated with the accent that was a little bit American and a little bit British at once. Though it borrowed from these two locales, the Mid-Atlantic accent isn't "native" to a certain place. In truth, it's an intentionally acquired speech pattern that was primarily taught in top acting schools, according toNo Film School.

The accent was "considered a sign of sophistication and education" and a staple of wealthy high society. Actors in the Golden Age of Hollywood like Cary Grant and Kathryn Hepburn are known for the use of the accent, but it was also adopted by some American Aristocrats.

Though the Transatlantic/Mid-Atlantic accent fell out of fashion during the latter half of the 20th century as the prominence of radio and broadcasting dwindled, it is still taught and learned by modern actors today. Backstage, a #1 resource and platform for up-and-coming actors, creators, and members of the film industry calls the accent "a vital tool in an actor's toolbox."

Pretty swell, eh?

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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5 ways John Hughes movies shaped every Gen X-er’s life

And it's in more ways than you think.

es.wikipedia.org

Archivo:The breakfastclub.jpg - Wikipedia, la enciclopedia libre

There are filmmakers, and then there are TRENDSETTERS. John Hughes was both. He tapped into the cynical, yet secretly hopeful hearts of young Gen X-ers: the latchkey kids, the forgotten ones—the generation that started to notice the stitching was breaking apart, but we had skateboards to ride and malls to linger in. So, like, really? Who had time to make protest signs?

You could almost say that, if a spiritual movement could be applied to a generation, we were the Buddhists, letting the mistakes of our elders float right by, like literal trash in an ocean, without judgment. But most of all, we just wanted to have a good time in the midst of our angst.

John Hughes understood that better than almost any writer/director around. And one of the reasons he brought so much optimism to tweens and teens of the 80s is that he was a hopeless romantic himself. He lived in an affluent neighborhood, married his high school sweetheart, had two kids, and stayed with her until he passed in 2009. It seems he wanted to instill that optimism into every adorable, jaded kid he could find.

Curated Our Soundtracks

One of the most important elements in any John Hughes film was the music. You kind of can’t think of the movie Pretty in Pink without its counterpart song by The Psychedelic Furs. Or how can one hear OMD's If You Leave without it conjuring up images of Duckie and Blane competing at the prom?

John Hughes Pink GIF by IBTrav ArtworksGiphy

Hughes found the music and brought it to us. Songs like "(Don't You) Forget About Me" by Simple Minds, which was written for his film The Breakfast Club (though it was first offered to Bryan Ferry, Billy Idol, and Corey Hart before Jim Kerr decided to do it).

But those are just the top 40 hits that got tons of radio play. Kate Bush's This Woman's Work (She's Having a Baby), The Thompson Twins' If You Were Here (Sixteen Candles), Flesh for Lulu's I Go Crazy (Some Kind of Wonderful). He didn’t wait for us to decide if we were gonna like Echo and the Bunnymen, The Smiths, or New Order—he gave us reasons to like them.

Tore Down the Walls

The entire premise of The Breakfast Club is that a bunch of Gen-X kids from different walks of life and popularity statuses could be thrown together for a day and learn that they're really not all that different. These invisible walls that divide us are made-up constructs, and at the end of the day, yep... a jock, a rebel, a princess, a brain, a criminal, and a basket case could respect and even, (gasp) like one another.

This was far from the only time Hughes explored this theme. In Pretty in Pink, star-crossed lovers played by Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy fall hard, despite living on (literal) opposite sides of the tracks. Even in cameos, Ferris Bueller's sister (played by Jennifer Grey) falls hard for rebel Charlie Sheen.

And it's not just the teens. In Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Hughes stuck snobby Steve Martin and lovable, goofy John Candy together, and in the end, they found a friendship never thought possible.

The Breakfast Club Allison GIF by IFCGiphy

Made Crushes Attainable

Move over, Taylor Swift. John Hughes was there first, writing about dreamy crushes who seemed just out of reach but really weren’t. The teenage crush anxiety was never better exemplified than it was in Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, or even Some Kind of Wonderful. It usually involved a love triangle centered around our relatable "everyday" person (like the aforementioned Molly Ringwald or Eric Stoltz), an adorable alternative kid or nerd (like, say, Jon Cryer's Duckie or Anthony Michael Hall as Farmer Ted), and the object of desire, whomever that might have been.

Whether Blane, Jake Ryan, or Amanda Jones, what these characters had in common was their kindness. It would have been easy to vilify them, but John found that their humanity was just as important as any other character's. They were "so real," it maybe why a lot of Gen-Xers might find sitting at a table over birthday candles and/or kissing in the rain the only TRUE expression of romance.

molly ringwald 80s GIFGiphy

Cool to be Weird

Most of John Hughes's characters were the epitome of self-actualization. Ferris Bueller, as played by Matthew Broderick, had the soul of an 80-year-old trapped in the body of the coolest high school kid ever. (Many believe Hughes saw himself as more of a Cameron than a Ferris.) None of Ringwald's characters shied away from being unique, wearing funky hats, and standing up for what she believed in. And Duckie. If Duckie could slide into a record store singing "Try a Little Tenderness," there's nothing we high school freshmen couldn’t do either. It was cool to be weird. It was okay to be popular. And it was inspiring to redefine what being popular even meant.

Animated GIFGiphy

All Hail John Candy

And lastly—and maybe most importantly—John Hughes reminded us that John Candy was a national treasure and we should celebrate him daily!

planes trains and automobiles GIF by Hollywood SuiteGiphy

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