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25 things to do during the inauguration if you're afraid of the Trump presidency.

Inauguration Day is upon us. Soon, President Barack Obama will sail off into the sunset, and Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as our new commander in chief.

Yup. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

There's no stopping this. As of Jan. 20, Trump will be your president and mine. If you're feeling lost or hopeless, it's OK. A lot of people are feeling the same. It may be too late to undo the results of the election, but it's never too late to do whatever you can to stand up for what you believe in. What better time to turn your feelings into action than during the inauguration itself?


Here are 25 things you can do during Trump's inauguration ceremony to make the world a slightly less scary place:

1. Make donations to organizations whose work will be more important than ever in the next four years.

Lots of important and life-saving organizations are going to need your help to survive a Trump administration, and they rely heavily on donations like yours.

If you have some cash to spare, consider a one-time or recurring donation to Planned Parenthood, (which is hosting a $20 donation drive  on Jan. 20), the NRDC, the International Refugee Assistance Project, or the Trevor Project for LGBTQ Youth. There's also the NAACP, the National Network of Abortion Funds, Black Girls Code, the ACLU, National Women's Law Center, NARAL, Girls Write Now, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Purple Purse. That's just to name a few.

2. Call or write to your representatives to let them know you want them to stand against attacks on civil rights.

I know, you've probably heard that suggestion about a thousand times. Well there's a reason: It works!

It's also a lot easier than you think. Look up who your representative is and find their publicly available contact information. Then you can call or write a message to them saying that, as their constituent, you hope they will stand by the issues that make a difference to you.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

Don't be silent; the government is there for you.

3. Going to one of the protests the day after the inauguration? Have a sign-making party!

If you plan to attend the Women's March on Washington or any of the other marches being planned around the country on Jan. 21, why not spend the day making a totally badass sign?

Gather your friends, get some craft supplies, and go for it! Squeeze all that frustration out of a tube of glitter glue and let your feelings be known in the form of a pithy slogan. Or feel free to download and print one of Upworthy's Women's March signs.

Who says the First Amendment can't be fun as hell?

4. Find some local organizations that need your support.

Donating to nationwide groups is great but a lot of those organizations also have local chapters that need help. Find out which ones are in your area and learn more about how you can support them directly.

Which reminds me...

5. Volunteer!  

Money is one thing, and showing up to help is another. There's no shortage of places that need actual physical help and would be thrilled to have someone donate their valuable time. While the 45th president is being sworn into office on Friday (and also not planning to actually start work until Monday), why not use that time to give back?

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

Volunteering will also show you how easy it is to make a difference, which is a feeling that you're going to need in spades for the next four years.

6. Support real, credible journalism. With money.

I know, I know. Paying for news? Crazy concept. The thing is, journalism is in big trouble right now. In Trump's first press conference, he openly yelled at CNN anchor Jim Acosta. That's just one example of the president-elect publicly denouncing the credibility of a free press. Trump's chief adviser is Stephen Bannon, the former head of Breitbart — a platform that regularly publishes messages of hate and intolerance.

Trump has also promised to "open up the libel laws" in order to sue organizations that criticize his actions as president.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Now more than ever is the time to start financially supporting real news like The New York Times or The Washington Post or donating to ProPublica, a nonprofit newsroom.

As a pro tip: The Washington Post has lifted its paywall through Saturday for the inauguration.

Don't just get your news through Facebook. Now is the time to get out of your echo chamber and learn about the world through actual reporting and fact-based journalism.

7. Shut off inauguration coverage and watch the Love-A-Thon instead.

Tune in to Upworthy's Facebook page at 12:30 p.m. EST on Friday, Jan. 20, just as the inauguration is starting, to watch the Love-A-Thon, the first ever Facebook Live telethon. Its goal is to raise $500,000 for organizations like the ACLU and Planned Parenthood that stand up for marginalized communities.

That not enough for you? Did we mention that the Love-A-Thon will feature celebrities like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jane Fonda, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and more, joining together to stand up for love? It's gonna be great.

Be sure to RSVP to the event on Facebook to let all your friends know.

8. Use the #Inauguration hashtag to make your voice heard.

As usual during big events, Twitter and Facebook will be lit up with people sharing their thoughts using an official inauguration hashtag. You can jump in on the action and share your thoughts too.

Imagine if the majority of tweets were about standing up for the rights of minorities or fighting to stop climate change. That would send a pretty clear and powerful message.

9. Check out some of the protest hashtags as well.

As Trump is being sworn in, lots of people will be using Twitter to protest and send a message.

For example, the sexual assault advocacy group Force: Upsetting Rape Culture will be starting #WeWillNotBeSilent. Sexual assault survivors will be tweeting with that hashtag to stand up to the rape culture Trump represents. They'll also be tweeting with #InThisMan — to represent the ways in which Trump reminds them of their abusers.

10. Write "This is not normal" on a note and stick it somewhere you'll see it every day.

In a year or two you might forget how weird it is that a populist demagogue surrounded by hate-mongers is the president of the United States. That might lead to complacency, and complacency is dangerous.

So make a note that this is not OK. Stick it on your fridge or above your bed or on your coffee machine. For the next four years, it will serve as a reminder of what you're fighting for.

11. Reach out to someone who's also feeling anxious.

I know, right? Photo by Fox Photos/Getty Images.

If you're feeling bad, chances are you know someone else who is also feeling that way too. Now is the time to reach out to them. We're all going to need each other's help and support.

You can even start planning to take real action together. Everything's easier when you have a friend.

12. Go visit a museum.

Museums are great, aren't they? You get to learn stuff, you get to see amazing artifacts and artwork, and you get to carry around an empty water bottle all day because, seriously, is there a recycling bin anywhere in the building?

On Inauguration Day, a lot of museums are offering free admission. New York City will be opening the doors to nearly a dozen museums, and many museums in the D.C. area will be hosting events.

Find out what's around you, and soak in some culture!

13. Join an online movement and start being active in it.

If you don't live in a major city or can't travel around easily, there are lots of online social justice movements you can be a part of. Pantsuit Nation got a ton of coverage during the election, but there a lot of other smaller groups on a range of issues from body positivity to immigration reform to workers' rights that you can join.

Being active and supportive in movements is essential if you want the causes you care about to stay in the conversation.

14. Give that whole meditation thing a try.

Meditation! You've heard of it. Your one vegan friend probably does it. You have an app for it that you haven't even opened yet. Why not give it a try today?

Meditation has been shown to help ease stress and promote relaxation, and at the very least, it's nice to just take a couple minutes to breathe and be peaceful.

Photo by Niklas Halle'N/AFP/Getty Images.

15. Take the #PeoplesOath with the ACLU.

While Trump takes the oath of office, the ACLU has offered a way for citizens to take an oath of their own.

The People's Oath is for people who want to make a promise — to themselves and the world — to uphold the Constitution and stand up for the rights of everyone, especially including those whom Trump has directly threatened.

16. Write about how you're feeling.

Chances are that your thoughts are complicated, conflicted, and not easy to talk about. One great way to work it all out is to sit down and write about it. If you're comfortable doing so, share your writing on social media so that friends and family know where you stand. It might help someone you know process their own feelings, and that's a powerful thing.

There are no rules, really. Write what you're thinking. It'll help you process it and make it clearer in your head — which will make it easier to figure out what you want to do next.

"Dear diary. What the f***." Photo by Ron Sachs-Pool/Getty images.

17. Watch a movie or read a book about someone overcoming incredible obstacles to remind yourself that together, we can do anything.

"Remember the Titans," "Selma," "Hidden Figures," "Spice World," "Harry Potter" — there's no shortage of on-theme stories about people overcoming insurmountable odds. That's what the next four years are going to feel like.

Based on true stories or not, they might just give you the juice you need to make it through the day.

18. Listen to something better than the inauguration speech. Like the "I Have a Dream" speech, for example.

Maybe you're stuck at work during the inauguration with a bunch of people who want to watch it on the office TV. Maybe you're a groundskeeper at the National Mall and there's no option to ignore what's happening right in front of you.

No biggie! Just pop in your headphones and listen to something that makes you feel better, like your favorite album or podcast. Or you can listen to Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. Hearing it might give you a glimmer of hope in the goodness of people despite what they're up against.

19. Set a reminder for the 2018 midterm elections.

Mark this date on your calendar: Nov. 6, 2018.

Everyone has their eyes set on 2020, but if you want to, you can change the government in just two short years.

On Nov. 6, 2018, at least 33 Senate seats will be up for grabs. That's a huge deal if you don't like the way the government is operating, but you can't just sit around and hope for the best. You have to spend as much time as you can learning about your candidates and their policies, and then you have to get out and vote. Try to get as many people as you can to do the same.

Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images.

You have two years — make the most of it.

20. Donate to a food bank.

It's easy, it'll make you feel good, and it'll help some of the millions of hungry people in the United States. Plus, it'll get you out of the house and away from social media if you want to disconnect from inauguration coverage. There's really no good reason not to.

21. Form or join a book club.

Now is the perfect time to start reading again. I know, the inauguration is at noon Eastern time on a Friday, so it's probably not the best time to hold your first book club meeting, but it is the perfect time to send an email to your friends asking them to join you in starting a book club.

Read books that will motivate you, or at least entertain you, through the next four years.

22. Consider running for office yourself or get involved in a political campaign.

If there's one thing this election has taught us, it's that literally anyone — regardless of qualifications — can become president or end up in politics.

There's lots of great information available on how to run for office. The rules tend to differ by state, district, and position, so read up on it. If you're a woman, check out Emily's List. If you're a person of color, check out LaunchProgress. We need more diversity and representation in government, and there's no reason that can't start with you.

Even if you don't decide to run, you might know someone who would make the perfect candidate. You can be their campaign manager! Sounds fun, doesn't it?

They started somewhere. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

23. Learn about how to become part of the resistance to the Trump administration's policies.

The power is in your hands to resist the hateful and harmful administration Trump has promised to lead, and there's no better time to start learning how than as he's being sworn into office. The Resistance Manual, which was put out by several prominent Black Lives Matter activists and racial justice organization Stay Woke, is a good place to start.

Once you know what your role can be in a Trump world, help spread that message to others. And after you've done that...

24. Read up on conflict resolution and how to have difficult conversations.

The 2016 election revealed a sobering truth about the American people: We disagree fundamentally on a lot of key issues. Remember how terrified you were to have Thanksgiving dinner with your conservative cousins? Yeah, well, get used to that.

There's going to be a lot of hard conversations in our future. You're pretty much guaranteed to have a run-in with someone you disagree with. Instead of going on the defensive though, why not take some time to learn about conflict resolution and how to have productive conversations?

Yelling and screaming and fighting aren't really going to get us anywhere. Instead of watching the inauguration, pick up a book that will teach you how to engage people on a human level and work out your differences with civility.

25. Take care of yourself.

It's OK to feel what you're feeling. Existential dread isn't a sign of weakness nor does it mean you're a special snowflake. It means you're paying attention.

This election did something pretty remarkable: It made people actually grieve. That means that people are experiencing the actual process of mourning, and emotions are raw and vulnerable. Yes, even two months later.

If you care about the world, you're going to need to work hard, but you're also going to need to take care of yourself. Whatever your self-care involves — bubble baths, yoga, spa days, burying yourself in your work, laying on the floor and crying — double down on it, and don't feel bad about it.

Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images.

You need to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others, if you know what I mean.

Most importantly, try to remember that this isn't the end of the world; it's the beginning of a hard and worthy challenge.

It may seem impossible to get through the next four years, but never forget that there are always things that you can do yourself to take a stand for the things you believe in and to make the world a better place in ways big and small.

Gen Z; Millennials; technology; cell phones; social media; teens and technology; teens social media

Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents. Denmark has the solution.

Nearly every parent hopes their child will be better off than they are: smarter, more secure, and more well-adjusted. Many parents see this as a stamp of successful parenting, but something has changed for children growing up today. While younger generations are known for their empathy, their cognitive capabilities seem to be lagging behind those of previous generations for the first time in history.

Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath, a teacher turned cognitive neuroscientist who focuses on human learning, appeared before Congress to discuss concerns about cognitive development in children. In his address to the members of Congress, he says, "A sad fact that our generation has to face is this: our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age. Since we've been standardizing and measuring cognitive development since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents, and that's exactly what we want. We want sharper kids."


kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Student smiling in a classroom, working on a laptop.Photo credit: Canva

Horvath explains that the reason this happens is that each generation has gone to school longer than the previous generation. Gen Z is no exception to the longer duration of time spent in school, but they're the first ones who aren't meeting this normal increase in cognitive development. According to the cognitive neuroscientist, the decline is due to the introduction of screens in the classroom, which started around 2010.

"Across 80 countries, as Jean was just saying, if you look at the data, once countries adopt digital technology widely in schools, performance goes down significantly. To the point where kids who use computers about five hours per day in school for learning purposes will score over two-thirds of a standard deviation less than kids who rarely or never touch tech at school," Horvath reveals.

In most cases, the decline in performance doesn't result in better strategies. The neuroscientist shares that the standardized testing has been adjusted to accommodate lower expectations and shorter attention spans. This is an approach that educators, scientists, and researchers went to Capitol Hill to express wasn't working. But not every country is taking the approach of lowering standards to meet lowered cognitive ability. Denmark went in the opposite direction when it realized their students were slipping behind.

France24 recently interviewed educators in Denmark following their seemingly novel approach to students struggling with cognitive development. Since the beginning of the 2025/2026 school year, Denmark has not only been having students turn in their cellphones, but they've also taken tablets, laptops, and computers out of the classroom. No more digital learning for the majority of the school day. Danes went old school by bringing back physical textbooks, workbooks, and writing assignments. The results have been undeniable. Even the students can't seem to deny the success of the countrywide shift in educational approach.

"I think the biggest issue has been that, because we kind of got rid of the books and started using screens instead, that we've noticed that a lot of the kids have trouble concentrating, so it's pretty easy to swipe with three fingers over to a different screen and have a video game going, for example, in class," Copenhagen English teacher, Islam Dijab tells France24.

Now, instead of computers being part of every lesson, Denmark uses computers very sparingly and with strict supervision. One student says that it has been nice not having screen time at school because she loves to read and write. But it wasn't just the lack of attention span children were developing, they were also developing low self-esteem and poor mental health due to the amount of time spent on devices.

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Students focused and ready to learn in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

The data showing the negative impact of screens on teens' brains has prompted a nationwide change in Denmark that extends outside of the classroom. Afterschool activities are eliminating or extremely limiting electronic use. There is also a national No Phone Day that encourages everyone to put away their devices for the day, and Imran Rashid, a physician and digital health expert, is petitioning parliament to ban social media use for children under the age of 15. The no phone movement in Denmark is a nationwide effort that hopes to right the ship before another generation feels the effects.

squatters, squatters' rights, homeowner rights, Marco Velazquez, property dispute, Illinois law, moving in with squatters, viral story, real estate nightmare, eviction
Canva

A couple moves boxes into their new home

Picture it: you buy a new home knowing it's a bit of a fixer upper, but it's yours. You're expecting to move in slowly while you work on the house, but when you make your way to your new-to-you home, someone is already living there. Or maybe you're selling a home that's been sitting vacant and when the realtor gets there to show the property, someone has moved in. What do you do?

The logical answer would be to call the police because, clearly, there are intruders in your home who have made it their own. You have all the paperwork showing you own the property so it should be a no brainer. Wrong.


Marco Velazquez had this very situation happen when trying to sell a vacant home that he owns. When he reached out to the local authorities, he was informed that the people who moved into his home unlawfully cannot be forced out.

Under the current law in Illinois where the incident took place, squatters have rights and the police cannot forcibly remove squatters from the home. It's unclear if the squatters were scammed or if they were aware the property was not legally theirs as they presented police officers with mortgage paperwork, but the mortgage company listed did not exist.

squatters, squatters' rights, homeowner rights, Marco Velazquez, property dispute, Illinois law, moving in with squatters, viral story, real estate nightmare, eviction Row of boarded-up homesCanva

No matter how the couple came about living in the home, it wasn't legally theirs. There needed to be a resolution, but they weren't interested in leaving. That's when the homeowner decided to come up with something a little out of the box: Velazquez decided if the people in his home couldn't be removed, they'd be getting a new roommate–him.

"I said I'm not moving out and I said at one point they gotta leave, they gotta get tired of us being in the property. I called a couple of friends to stay overnight and I knew they were not gonna like that," Velazquez says to ABC 7 Chicago.

The homeowner moved in with his wife and several friends, bringing air mattresses and blankets determined to tire out the squatters. However, it quickly became apparent that the illegal tenants were not planning to move out. In actuality, the morning after Velazquez moved in, the squatters demanded he pay them $8,000 for them to move out. While the stunt of moving in with squatters was a Hail Mary, Velazquez knew that the arrangement wasn't safe and heard stories of squatters staying for months.

squatters, squatters' rights, homeowner rights, Marco Velazquez, property dispute, Illinois law, moving in with squatters, viral story, real estate nightmare, eviction A man walks down a alleyCanva

Instead of continuing to wait out the squatters, the man started negotiations with the couple to get them out of his house so it could be sold. He paid the couple $4,300 to leave his home. Shortly after the pair moved out, he learned that the woman had previously been arrested after squatting in someone else's home. Velazquez is hoping that he can also bring charges against the woman and her male partner for squatting in his home.

"We didn't want to give them money but we heard really bad stories about squatters taking over properties six, eight, ten months, even a year," Velazquez says. "I heard stories before about squatters. I never thought it was going to happen to me."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Science

Helicopters dump 6,000 logs into rivers in the Pacific Northwest, fixing a decades-old mistake

Forty years ago, restoration workers thought logs were the problem. They were wrong.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest

Restoration workers now see how "critical" wood is to the natural habitat.

For decades, river restoration in the Northwestern United States followed a simple rule: if you saw logs in the water, take them out. Clean streams were seen as healthy streams, fast-moving water was seen as optimal, and wood was treated like a "barrier" to natural processes, particularly those of the local fish.

Now, helicopters are flying thousands of tree trunks back into rivers to undo that thinking.


In central Washington, one of the largest river restoration efforts ever attempted in the region is underway. More than 6,000 logs are being placed along roughly 38 kilometers, or 24 miles, of rivers and streams across the Yakama Reservation and surrounding ceded lands.

Nearly 40 years ago, Scott Nicolai was doing the opposite kind of work, all in the name of restoration.

"(Back then) the fish heads — what I call the fisheries folks — we stood on the banks, and we looked at the stream," Nicolai, a Yakama Nation habitat biologist, told Oregon Public Broadcasting. "If we saw a big log jam, we thought, 'Oh, that's a barrier to fish. We want the stream to flow.'"

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Fish find shelter for spawning in the nooks and crannies of wood. Photo credit: Canva

At the time, logs were removed in an effort to simplify the habitat. However, it soon became clear that wood provided vital "complexity," creating sheltered pockets for salmon and bull trout to spawn and supporting algae that feed aquatic insects. Logs also slow water, spread it across floodplains, and allow it to soak into the groundwater. That water is then slowly released back into streams, helping keep them flowing and cooler during hot, dry periods.

The consequences of removing this "critical part of the system" (in addition to overgrazing, railroad construction, and splash dam logging) were made all too clear over the years as the rivers dried up and wildlife populations declined.

"We're trying to learn from our mistakes and find a better way to manage," said Phil Rigdon, director of the Yakama Nation Department of Natural Resources.

That's why Nicolai is now helping lead a project for the Yakama Nation aimed at rebuilding river complexity by returning logs to their rightful place. Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used. Logs are flown from staging areas and carefully placed at precise drop locations marked with pink and blue flagging tape.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used.Photo credit: Canva

The wood comes from forest-thinning projects led by The Nature Conservancy and includes species such as Douglas fir, grand fir, and cedar. Although some of the timber could have been sold, it is instead being used as river infrastructure.

For tribal leaders, the work carries even deeper meaning. During the helicopter flights, they gathered along the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Tribal leaders gathered by the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.Photo credit: Canva

"It was very simple: to bring what was rightfully part of this land back to us," said former tribal chairman Jerry Meninick.

The aftermath of the original restoration project illustrates how human concepts, such as the belief in the superiority of "cleanliness," can be limited and sometimes cause more harm than good. The miracle of nature, however, is that when left to her own devices, she can heal herself.

Couple, talking, coffee, conversation, chatting
Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.


conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


90-10 rule, happiness, life hacks, woman happy, woman angry, blonde woman

A woman is both happy and angry.

In the field of human psychology, there is a popular concept known as the illusion of control, which states that people believe they have greater control over the events in their lives than they do. If you think about it, a lot of our lives are controlled by chance, whether it's our genetics, the families we were born into, the time and place where we were born, and chance encounters that change the trajectory of our lives, such as the moment we met our spouse or someone with a job opportunity.

People who have it good are more likely to attribute their good fortunes to their effort, while those who are having difficulty getting by are more likely to blame bad luck. No matter how we delude ourselves, one thing is certain: many situations we find ourselves in throughout life are out of our control, and our real power lies in our ability to react.


Knowing how to react to situations beyond our control is the crux of the 90-10 rule.

What is the 90-10 rule?

The 90-10 rule, attributed to Stephen Covey in the bestseller “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% is decided by how you react.

People often explain the 90-10 rule by sharing a story of a mishap at breakfast.

You are having breakfast in business attire, and your young daughter spills coffee on your shirt. You reprimand her and your spouse for putting the cup of coffee too close to the table's ledge. Your daughter gets upset and misses her school bus. So you have to drive her to school, and because you’re speeding, you get a $180 ticket. You arrive at work late, and the day spirals from there. When you get home from work, you have an annoyed wife and child.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".

In an alternative universe, the coffee spills on your shirt, and you forgive your daughter. You change your shirt, your daughter makes the bus, and you get to work five minutes early. Now, instead of having a day that spiraled out of control, taking a moment to see the spilled coffee as an accident changed the entire day.

What happens when people skillfully respond to events out of their control over a long period? Their lives will be completely different than if they chose to take things out of their control personally.

Here are 3 ways to apply the 90-10 rule.

The key is not to take minor inconveniences personally.

1. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water off a duck's back. You do not have to let the negative comments affect you.

2. If someone cuts you off in traffic, don’t take it personally; who cares if you get to work 10 seconds later? There's no point in letting it ruin your day.

3. If you get to the airport and find out your flight is delayed, don’t get mad at the person working at the ticket counter. It’s beyond their control. The plane will arrive at some point, whether you get worked up or not.

airport, airplane, happy man airport, luggage, flights, A man walking through the airport.via Canva/Photos

The 90-10 rule mirrors the "Let them" theory championed by Mel Robbins, a podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer. The first thing is to acknowledge that others are imperfect and that you cannot change them. “People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. Most people haven't gone to therapy, they haven't looked at their issues, and frankly, they don't want to. Let them. Let your parents be less than what you deserved," Robbins said in a viral video. "Let your family life be something that isn't a fairy tale. Try to remind yourself that they're just doing the best they can with the resources and the life experiences they have."

Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can choose how you react to minor annoyances. Choose to respond in a skillful, thoughtful manner without taking things seriously, and you can quickly get past the minor annoyances without causing the adverse ripple effect that can ruin your entire day.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.